Former US astronaut, and frighteningly possessive lover, Lisa Nowak did not wear a nappy when she drove from Houston to Miami to sort out her love rival. I am glad that is finally put to rest. I thought you would want to know!

This US State Department press releases extols the virtues of voice guided ATMs and their usefulness to the blind. Of course once blind people get banknotes from a hole-in-the-wall they are at the mercy of those surrounding them and we all know how that generally works out.

So what progress has this self-same American government made on making banknotes suitable for the blind since a court ordered them to about six months ago? Not a lot apparently although it seems that they are thinking of adding more colour.

Why is everyone trying to destroy the fabric of Protestant Christian America? First we had to face up to "metrosexuals", see also Howard Dean, and as it that were not bad enough there now seems to be an infestation of "promo-sexuals" that must be destroyed and driven from the shores if America is to be saved.

According to my copy of the Second Amendment to the US Constitution reads

"A well regulated Militia, being necessary to the security of a free State, the right of the people to keep and bear Arms, shall not be infringed".

You will note that the text does not refer specifically to gun. So why aren't fireworks covered and why is the US National Rifle Association doing more to prevent these obvious infringements of human rights in the Garden State?

Early Friday morning US and Afghan forces who were on a joint operation in the Eastern part of Afghanistan attacked and killed four Afghans all of whom where evil doers, or perhaps not, dependent on whom you have asked.

When I suggested a while back that the best way to calm the fears of the good people of Texas that the border fence was going to unnecessarily disrupt their lives was to build the bloody thing in Mexico the last thing I expected was for the government to go out and do just that.

Not that I'm paranoid but first thing Monday I'm getting someone in to sweep the flat for bugs.

I'm not sure how you define "scumbag" but I certain that irrespective of the nuances in your definition this bloke, or should I say scumbag, qualifies.

I confess that my heart skipped a beat, in a good way, when I saw this headline only to start up again once I realised it wasn't the right one!

The US run agency, Internet Corporation for Assigned Names and Numbers (ICANN), finally seems to be moving forward on the use of non-Latin characters in domain names although it looks at though it will probably take another two years or so before any substantial changes take place.

I am not sure that having Americans in charge of these changes is a good idea. At one point in the not so distant past I was working for an American company, whilst I lived here, on a project to adapt a bespoke IT application for use in Europe. There were two things that they really didn't get and I was assigned the responsibility for their education; as a European-ised Yank it was believed that I would understand their difficulties. These two areas, to which I devoted an unbelievable and frustrating amount of time, were valued added tax (VAT) which I shan't discuss here and the various diacritical marks used in non-English languages. I can remember discussions that went something like this:

Me: "French has five specials characters that we have to allow for: accent acute (´), accent grave (`), circumflex (ˆ), the cedilla (¸) and the diaeresis (¨)."

Them: "Is this really necessary?"

Me: "Would you have put this system into the states without including the letter 'a'?"

Them: "But that's a real letter?"

Me: "Sigh."

Them: "Can't we just spell these words and names in a different way?"

Me: "Sigh."

I finally convinced them but only at a high personal cost to me and the consumption of copious amounts of alcohol after these phone calls. It didn't help that this happened roughly simultaneously with the Great German Spelling Reform of 1998. You can well imagine how the conversations related to the legality of spelling went.

So I am not sure that Americans in general get the importance of the use of one's own language and alphabet is to others acroos the globe. Maybe someone should nudge them a bit and hurry them along.

The murder rate in Philadelphia is soaring but it is not the only East Coast city that is suffering from a wave of gun driven death as Baltimore, Newark and Boston see killings increasing. Robert J. Sampson, a Harvard sociologist, thinks he may know why: not enough immigrants.

Tee hee!!

At least three alligators have been found in Philadelphia's Pennypack Creek. What is to blame? Climate change, space aliens, satanic cults or perhaps Scientologists? Who knows? Who cares?

A new Zogby poll finds that support for the GOP amongst Arab-Americans has fallen to nearly zero and the vast majority of Arab-Americans want the US to pull out of Iraq.

It is hard to believe that one can make money out of polls like these.

Politicians are always seeing fit to stick their noses into things where they don't belong and interfering with the all-knowing, infallible and invisible "hand of the market". Whenever they do this things always go wrong and the constrictions on the market often prevent a handful of worthy people from becoming filthy rich.

Now we find that the state of New Mexico has enacted legislation that requires the state government to take over the cultivation and distribution of marijuana. The economic history of cannabis over the past forty years or so, protected from needless government regulation and control, is one of the great success stories of the free market. What other product has seen its quality increase by several orders of magnitude whilst the price declines in real terms? Obviously the evil socialists at the helm of the New Mexican government could not allow this to continue and instead will put an end to this testament to the genius of Adam Smith.

Stories abound that less than successful Polish Formula I driver Robert Kubica could be called to give testimony to the Vatican as to how the ghost of Pope John Paul II saved him from certain death after he drove his car into a wall in Canada. It is alleged that he has claimed that the late Pope saved his live. This of course would count as a miracle and would help to "speed" the late Pope on his way to saintdom.

The former Pontiff's powers from beyond the grave however do not seem to have been strong enough to either prevent Mr. Kubica from driving into the wall in the first place or to actually win a Grand Prix whilst driving for Sauber.

His campaign for President has been up and down in any case but I do not see how Mitt Romney is to survive the news that he strapped the family pooch to the roof of his estate car and drove twelve hours to Canada. Of course it is entirely possible that the story is a complete fiction and he has only allowed it to be circulated so that folks will take him seriously when he struts to the bar and orders a Double Guantánamo.



Of course I do have to remember that the US is a country that used to have a president who thought that picking up his mutts by the ears was a good idea so it is possible that I am wrong in dooming Mitt for this seemingly minor infraction.

The Egyptian government has taken steps to finally outlaw the horrific practice of female genetic manipulation by closing a loophole that allowed the practice for "medical reasons". Last week the country's Grand Mufti had made a statement that said that the process was forbidden under Islamic law following the death of an 11 or 12 year old girl whilst undergoing the procedure. There is still quite a ways to go until this barbaric practice is eliminated.

Am I the only one who believes that arming robots and using them as police is not an idea that we should be pursuing?

Shameless anorexic fascist hag-ette Ann Coulter continues to self promote herself and has chosen Bill O'Reilly's completely unbiased TV show* on the forum where she will bravely defend herself against the brutal ad haginem attacks from the Godless serpent that is Elizabeth Edwards. Billo and pale Annie agree that she is being shamelessly used by the manipulative and Machiavellian Edwards’s.

*The Faux News website notes that this transcript has been "edited for clarity". When dealing with a conversation between O'Reilly and Coulter it must take a cast of thousands to provide that service; if the task can be accomplished at all!

The Turkish military is making an increased amount of noise about the likelihood of an incursion into Iraq and accuses the Americans of failing to take Kurdish terrorism seriously. An election in coming in Turkey and it would be no be surprising if at least a low level incursion of some kind occurs before the poll. And what then? Will we fact the prospect of NATO troops fighting forces armed, trained and allied to another NATO nation or even worse direct conflict between two NATO members?

*Eternal Global War on Terra

There is an old cliché that life is lonely at the top. US Attorney General and Bush succubus Alberto "Gone-zo" Gonzales is beginning to understand what that means as yet another of his minions resigns. At this pace the Fourth of July picnic will consist solely of Sr. and Sra. Gonzales.

(To be continued - unfortunately...)

Just as soon as we get done in Iraq we're coming for you. "Why?" I hear you ask. Because the Swedes are importing British labourers into Stockholm and then using them as slaves on construction sites. Many of the young men have troubled backgrounds and/or learning difficulties. The practice has been brought to light by a programme on Sweden's TV4 television station.

And the British labour scandal is just the tip of the iceberg apparently as it also seems that the Swedish authorities are kidnapping Americans and forcing them to claim asylum!

According to the Christian Science Monitor farmers in Mexico are changing much of their acreage from the agave plant to maize. The change is being driven by rising prices for corn caused by demand for ethanol as fuel. Before you read this and go "whatever" you should remember that the agave plant is the source of that holiest of beverages - Tequila!

Clearly the all knowing and invisible "hand of the market" has got this one very, very wrong indeed!

A team led by Dr. Craig Venter and working out of Maryland in the US has succeeded in transplanted an entire genome from one organism to another effectively changing the species of the second organism and paving the way for artificial life.

The scientists in Dr. Venter's team want to quickly move on to a more challenging project and are believed to wish to attempt, through a similar genome transplant, to turn US Vice President "I'm a Big" Dick Cheney into a human being.

I do not believe this to be possible but then science has surprised me before!

My friends over at Family Security Matters are all excited about a new MSNBC poll that they claim proves the media is hard left cabal. The poll analysed the political contributions of writers, editors and other staff members of the "mainstream media", but not publishers, owners or executives - more on this later, to political candidates, political organisations and political action committees. And guess what, the results prove to FSM that these journalists gave more to hard left wing organisations like the Democratic Party than they did to mainstream organisations like the Republican Party.

These results are nothing new. Analysis of the worker bees of journalism has always shown a minor tilt towards liberal or progressive thinking. Had the analysis extended to the publishers and executives, i.e. those who actually control the content and direction of the publication or broadcaster, it would have undoubtedly found that this sample leaned at least at much to the right as the other sample did to the left.

So the conclusions that I draw from these data is that the published and broadcast bent of the American main stream media will reflect the proclivities of those in charge and therefore will lean slightly or materially to the right.

Over to you FSM!

Once again the clinically sane Rt. Reverend Pat Roberson suggests that someone ought to off Hugo Chavez although he was much more subtle this time. He also seems to take credit for having made Sr. Chavez famous.

Isn't Mr. Robertson past the mandatory retirement age yet and if not why not?

The Supreme Court of the United States, so carefully molded by the Decider(TM), has now proven to us it has taken a great big leap to the right. Its earlier decision in this session all suggested that this was so but yesterday's incredible decision to essentially overturn precedent and rule that race cannot be used to assign students to schools even when the desire is to increase diversity and decrease racial or ethnic segregation. By the Roberts court standards we must all become colour blind and, by an extension to this logic, all segregation will cease to exist as we become incapable of seeing race at all. The strength and coded contempt that is to be found in the dissenting opinions at least suggests that the struggle will continue. We just have to hope that under no circumstances do any additional justices, other than Scalia or Thomas, retire until the Decider(TM) is unemployed.

Since they came into effect in 2005 there have been more than 18,000 civil partnerships, code for gay people, in the United Kingdom. The vast majority of these took place in England.

The end is nigh indeed!

BREAKING NEWS: a pair of British drivers have lost a momentous case before the European Court of Human Rights in Strasbourg that sees our freedoms eroded just that much further. Yes the court held, and I have no idea how the case got this far, by a vote of 15-2 (I want to know who those two were) that it is not a violation on one's human rights to have to name the driver of an automobile who has been caught violating speed limits by a speed camera.

Why do they hate freedom so?!

First we learn that Liz's townhouse is falling apart and she can't seem to find the dosh to get the builders in and now we discover that young William Saxe-Coburg-Gotha is qualified for some silly ceremonial job in the antipodes.

I almost forget that it has also come to light that young William's pater's root veg isn't up to standard either.

Philadelphia is a city awash with legal and illegal guns. The murder rate leads the nation at more than one a day and there is little hope that it will decline now that the long hot summer is upon us. What crimes do the Philadelphia Police take seriously then? Illegal flute playing.

As I've said before I promise to come back to visit just as soon as my new Armani Kevlar suit arrives; and ear plugs in case I am assaulted by a flute.

One simply does not expect this sort of controversy to rear its ugly head in Nebraska but nonetheless it seems that the Roman Catholic Archdiocese of Omaha and the Creighton Center for Marriage and Family at Creighton University, which a Roman Catholic institution have determined that they have irreconcilable differences and must go their separate ways. It is uncertain whether the relationship was ever consummated and, if it was not, it is likely that the two would approach the Vatican for an annulment.

What has caused this terrible and tragic discord in what must otherwise have been an idyllic relationship? It seems that two members of the CCMF family published an article that suggested that if two engaged people lived together before getting married they were not necessarily on the direct route to Hell and Damnation and could in fact get into heaven like those who buy their way in.

I wonder who will get custody of the children?

I always used to try and get the number "13" when I played team sports. It was my lucky number AND it was usually, for some unknown reason, available!

Reading this article made me wonder if there is any way I can get a lottery pick out of "28301-016".

A member of the Iraqi parliament has accused American authorities of sheltering the country's culture Minister Asad Kamal al-Hashimi who is wanted on charges of murder. MP Mithal al-Alusi contends that Mr. al-Hashimi remains in the Green Zone where he is under the protection of the US Embassy. Should Mr. al-Alusi's charges prove true this would certainly be unprecedented because the American government has never protected anyone accused of murder before. Or have they?

Mrs. Decider(TM) has travelled all the way to Africa, which is like another country almost, to extol the virtues of letting Washington push Christianity down your throat in return for aid. According to Mrs. Decider(TM) "religious institutions bring a personal healing touch to the fight against AIDS" and "know very well the healing power of faith." They are also particularly good at ensuring that you cannot access or even have information about things that could save your life such as condoms. I reckon if God wants you to contract HIV/AIDS then She will see to it that you do; condoms or not.

Now I think I know what the permanent bases are for. The Decider(TM) has decided to decide that he has a new objective for the New Iraq: be be more like Israel. It is entirely possible that this should not be considered good news for either the Kurds or the Sunnis.

Is he drinking again? If he's looking for an ideal why not Sweden?

American President George W. Bush is a bit like a transformer isn't he? I mean with a couple of clicks he can morph from one character into another virtually seamlessly. He can be virtually anything one wants him to be with the possible exception of a thoughtful leader or a statesman. In the past he has shown himself to be the Decider(TM), Captain Codpiece and the Commander Guy. Now it seems he can also be Senor Stonewall.

It should be noted that when I say "Stonewall" I am not in any way refering to this Stonewall. I want to be very clear on that.

The Daily Torygraph, a bastion of right wing thought since 1855, offers the following headline to a story about the confrontation between Elizabeth Edwards and Ann Coulter on MSNBC the other day: "Edwards's wife takes on 'mean' columnist". The single quotes around mean ar meant to signify that "we don't think she is mean and in fact we think she's quite hot". Even though the paper is no longer owned by Baron Black of Crossharbour, who is currently otherwise engaged, little seems to have changed.

Pity poor Elizabeth Saxe-Coburg-Gotha. Her town house is in terrible disrepair; bits are falling off of it and one nearly hit her daughter's car; and she doesn't know where the money is going to come from to pay for the repairs as all of the available funds seem to have gone for the local school's sports day.

I might suggest that the deprived Ms. Saxe-Coburg-Gotha and her family use public transport a bit more whilst simultaneously cutting back on the helicopter trips and in less than one year they should have sufficient funds to glue the house back together.

Should I purchase a copy of the hated Mail on Sunday in order to get my hands on the new Prince-an-artist-formerly-known-as-the-artist-formerly-known-as-Prince CD, possibly also irritating music retailers along the way, or wait for it to come out in the shops and pay full whack for it?

Someone in Panama City Florida needs to make a citizen's arrest of the town's sheriff Frank McKeithen for his method of pursuing illegal aliens. He shows up at a construction site with about a half of dozen cruisers, lights flashing I imagine, and waits to see who runs. He then chases them and arrests them on some specious charges such as trespassing or loitering (can one run and loiter simultaneously I wonder). He then turns the names and addresses of anyone he suspects of being an undocumented worker to the immigration authorities. For some reason there is no mention of any arrests of employers for hiring these folks illegally but I sure that is just an oversight by an inexperienced journalist.

As I don't watch American telly, and not that much British telly either, I know next to nothing about Mika Brzezinski other than she is Zbigniew's daughter but I am entirely improve of her giving the Paris Hilton "story" the attention it truly deserves and that is none.

Newly appointed and undoubtedly jubilant Prime Minister Gordon Brown is to have a super secret meeting with advisers today to discuss how to restore trust to politics. I have a few suggestions:

1) Begin the process of withdrawing British forces from Iraq and apologise to the Iraqi people and to the British people for the illegal invasion.

2) See to it that a meaningful investigation is conducted into possible corrupt practices relating to BAE Systems arms deals with Saudi Arabia. Prosecute both BAE officials and Saudi officials if, or more likely when, illegalities are discovered.

3) NO MORE FUCKING SPIN, OK?

4) Pursue the development of a cogent and written Constitution for the United Kingdom including specific delineation of the rights of citizens and the responsibilities of government.

5) Re-nationalise the railroads.

There is an awful lot more but these would be a good start.

6) Start the process of nuclear disarmament.

*Note: the singularity attached to "year" in the post title is not, I repeat not, a typographical error!

Yes indeedy!.We have reached triple figure days in our monitoring of the last hours that Bush succubus Alberto "Gone-zo" Gonzales's career as US Attorney General. Whilst we have been waiting for the door to hit him the arse on the way out the England cricket coach has resigned, although the England football coach has somehow survived, the British Attorney General has resigned and the British Prime Minister has gone off to attend to his Blairgacy. Does this guy have photos of the Decider(TM) doing something untoward with sheep perhaps?

(To be continued - unfortunately...)

Ryan Howard hit his 100th career home run last night making him the fastest ever to that milestone having reached it in his 325th game; sixty better than Ralph Kiner had managed. I think he's a keeper.

Congrats!

A "Christian" web site has taken a decidedly unscientific poll and found that 197 out of 339 Christians or 58% believe that other Christians should not drink beer as it is wrong. There is no information as to the rightness or wrongness of NASCAR. Perhaps that will be the next poll.

...rocks do. A fifty year old man in Arkansas is alleged to have intentionally shot and killed a 9 year old boy because the boy was throwing stones at his house. In the words of Jonathan Watts: "I've had it with these kids and the rock throwing." Fair enough then.

Do we let these people vote?

If you order now you could still get one of these lovely barbeque accessories in time for the fourth of July! Visit NewMax now!

It is going to happen very, very soon. Like the moon landing or the JFK assassination it will be a "do you remember where you were?" moment to share with you grandchildren. The Phillies need only 8 more losses to be the first professional sports team to reach the coveted 10,000 loss plateau (or is it a valley or crevasse of some sort?).

And as long as there have been Phillies, or even Quakers as they were originally known, there have been Stringers, surprisingly "Yank in London" is not my real name, there to support them going all the way back to 1883.

I am afraid to think what that says about my genes!

...for their helpful article "Twelve Principles to Guide U.S. Energy Policy" by Stuart M. Butler, Ph.D., who has worked for the Heritage Foundation for nearly thirty years and therefore has a balanced view of life in general and energy in particular, and Kim R. Holmes, Ph.D., who used to work for the Decider(TM) and therefore has a balanced view of life in general and energy in particular. These twelve principles, with my interpretations in italics are as follows:

1) Avoid costly environmental regulatory mandates that will achieve little environmental gain. In other words avoid all environmental mandates.

2) Rely on the private sector's research and development capabilities. This helps your mates make money and avoids the complications involved in gagging government scientists who refuse to see the truth.

3) Urge government agencies to learn from the private sector. This can be accomplished by top bureaucrats and other officials by leaving the government for highly paid private sector positions as lobbyists.

4) Make all sources of energy within U.S. borders accessible. Fuck the trees, the animals, the forests, the tundra and anything else that gets in the bloody way.

5) Remove artificial constraints on the domestic energy infrastructure, including unnecessarily severe environmental regulations See number 1).

6) Ensure that any effort to reduce reliance on foreign oil is grounded in policies that are best for the economy. Your friends at ExxonMobil have already determined what is best for the economy so that you don't have to bother working this out for yourself. "I'm a Big" Dick Cheney has all of the appropriate phone numbers.

7) Manage risks to critical energy infrastructure as a responsibility shared jointly by the government and the private sector. In other words anything related to energy infrastructure that generates profit is shared by the private sector and anything in the same realm that generates loss is shared by the taxpayers.

8) Establish effective risk communications for energy issues. Make sure you have friends on the inside who can provide you with the appropriate information to allow you to maximise your portfolio through the purchase of energy futures at just the right time.

9) Develop foreign policies that thwart the capacity of coercive regimes to employ energy supplies as an economic weapon. If they won't do your bidding invade their countries, convert them to Christianity and execute anyone in the government who knows to much.

10) Sustain access to the global marketplace. See number 8).

11) Discourage restrictive international regimes See number 8).

12) Recognize that not all trading partners are equal. See number 8).

I hope that this helps!

This US State Department news release helpfully reminds us that "Education is the first step in fighting HIV/AIDS".

Just don't mention condoms. Or abortion. Or, ick, homosexuality.

If you are about to do something unpleasant to someone it is best to be wearing pastels. It takes all the sting out of deportation.

This story about the European VIRGO laser interferometer which is designed to test aspects of Einstein's Theory of Relativity dealing with gravitational waves made me think of an ideal question for the next Republican Presidential debate.

"Who doesn't believe in the theory of gravity?" After all it is just a theory...

Scientists at the Universidad de Granada in Spain have found that there is a strong relationship between sexual fantasies and sexual desire. What has desire got to do with it? One is meant to lie back and think of procreation damn it!

*Noun: "A positive emotional response to sexuality."

The illegal and illicit government of Thailand, a loyal American ally, has put forward proposals for a new security law that will increase the power of the military, allow for the stopping, searching and arrest of anyone suspected of "sabotage, terrorism, cross-border crime, violence, propaganda, or incitement with the intent to cause unrest" and make civilian and military government officials immune from prosecution.

American government officials were said to be studying the proposal to see what they could learn from this "forward looking legislation" but have otherwise remained silent.

A new poll of young Americans reveals that they are listing to the left AND they are paying more attention to Presidential politics than the same age group did in 2004.

About bloody time! (But keep up the good work.)

Imagine the uproar if an American Muslim had killed his wife and children and then, before killing himself, had carefully placed a Qu'ran next to their bodies. I can already hear the "Islam is a religion of hate" and descriptions of it as backward and violent.

Curiously when a "Christian" American does it the silence is deafening.

If these folks are to believed they are most frightened by other terrorists. Four (white, Christian, patriotic) members of an Alabama militia pleaded guilty to federal charges yesterday but denied that they were anti-government, anti-immigrant and that they only had the guns and explosives because they were frightened of terrorist attacks in rural Alabama.

Curiously none of the charges against them were of the "terrorist" variety. I reckon they were just the wrong colour and/or wrong religion to attract that kind of prosecution.

All of it courtesy of the vile and offensive 24/7 wearer of little cocktail dresses Ann Coulter.

1) The anorexic one attacks John Edwards because she believes that his job is not as honourable as hers.

2) The blonde bimbette attacks Barrack Obama because she doesn't think his name is as American as hers.

3) The right wing hag lies to John Edwards's wife Elizabeth and is generally unpleasant.

Isn't it about time we did something to ensure she loses her access to the media; after all she is just promoting her scholarly books and thoughtful personal appearances.

My apologies to anyone who ended up here after a search involving the word "smegma". I am terribly sorry but I fear you probably didn't find what you were looking for!

When I was much, much younger I had two friends that lived on the edges of this field, one of them lived in the original Birmingham Meeting House, and we used to sneak into the field to get stoned. Will that still be allowed do you think?

The City of Brotherly Love has installed some new style parking metres, late 20th century technology apparently, and the residents of that fair city are struggling. Maybe it is time for a congestion charge as well - just to keep things interesting!

It is possible that the White House and perhaps the Attorney General might be able to fight off these subpoenas from the US Senate's Judiciary Committee over the illegal wiretap scandal but I think that Vice President and sole member of the heretofore unknown Fourth Branch of the US Government "I'm a Big" Dick Cheney is in trouble.

Surely he doesn't have the unmitigated gall to claim executive privilege now that he has declared himself free of the Executive Branch.

OK - maybe he does have the gall to try it but who will let him get away with it? It is now like this Democratic controlled Congress to roll over is it?