Yank in London
occasional musings on politics, culture and life in general from an american in exile


"We have it in our power to begin the world over again"

Tom Paine - Common Sense

"A republic, sir, if you can keep it."

Benjamin Franklin

"War! What is it good for? Absolutely nothing!"

Norman Whitfield / Barrett Strong

31 March 2008
  Breaking news
Scientists believe they have discovered the Christian gene raising hopes that the end of this terrible birth defect is in sight!

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  22:37:00 0 comments links to this post
  PA primary news
I don't know about the rest of the state, and let's face Pennsylvania is a curious state, but they seem to love Obama in Happy Valley.

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  16:31:00 0 comments links to this post
  A vision too far
A preacher in the great state of Texas seems to think that he has found Jesus in a bag of Cheetos. Have a look at the photo.

Does this food item resemble in any way our Lord and Saviour? No!

Does this food item resemble a penis with arms? Yes! Case settled.

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  16:26:00 0 comments links to this post
  What do Robert Mugabe and George W. Bush have in common?
They both like to claim victory irrespective of the facts on the ground. If this news from the Institute for War and Peace Reporting is correct I think we should prepare ourselves for the worst.

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  15:49:00 0 comments links to this post
  Well worth £3 million, don't you think?
It seems that Princess Diana died in a car crash much to the surprise of millions of Britons. On second thought this will probably shock only Mohamed al Fayed.

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  14:03:00 0 comments links to this post
  Spend Ben Stein's money!
How many crates of PZ-away do you think we ought to buy for Mr. Stein just in case that damned Mr. Myers decides to try to go to the cinema again?

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  13:48:00 0 comments links to this post
  Is this an endorsement?
It certainly smells like one as certified wing nut Richard Mellon Scaife "reassesses" Hillary.

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  13:44:00 0 comments links to this post
  Victory is ours!
I am sure that there will be many on the Bush/McCain team who will attempt to convince America that the "climb down" by Muqtada al-Sadr represents a clear cut victory for peace, justice and the American way. The problem is that, as usual, they are almost certainly wrong. Nonetheless given that 10% of Americans think Barack Obama is a Muslim and somewhere around 50% still think that the 11 September attacks were carried out by Iraq their plan will probably work.

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  13:36:00 0 comments links to this post
  What will he say and when will he say it?
The gag order imposed on Australian David Hicks as part of his deal to gain release from his illegal internment at the Guantánamo Bay Beach and Leisure Club expires today.

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  13:33:00 0 comments links to this post
  Still way too high!
A Pew Research poll has Captain Codpiece's approval rating at 28%down 5 percentage points from a month ago. Even Faux News has him at 30%! Can't he just go now. He surely won't be missed.

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  13:22:00 0 comments links to this post
  "Take me out to the ball game...

...Take me out with the crowd,
Buy me some peanuts and Cracker Jack,
Tell this wanker to never come back."



Feel the love as Captain Codpiece throws out the first ball in Washington.



If he's lost the baseball fan who has he got left?

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  13:07:00 0 comments links to this post
  It's 2018, do you know where your children are?
If you are American and you have children that are currently between 8 and 15 years of age you may want to consider the careers advice you give them carefully. They may still be needed in Iraq ten years from now.

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  13:03:00 0 comments links to this post
  "I'd like a one way ticket, first class of course, on the Bush Crook Express."
Yet another of the fine public servants hired by Captain Codpiece to run the nation like a poorly run business is set to head off to spend more time with his family; this time in the person of Housing and Urban Development Secretary Alphonso Jackson who faces charges of corrupt dealings in the allocation of contracts and who is so beloved in Philadelphia.

Let us all bid a loving adieu to Secretary Jackson.

Adieu!

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  12:51:00 0 comments links to this post
30 March 2008
  Progress. What progress?
If we want to know the real situation in Iraq I think we need look no further than the new restriction on US residents in the Emerald City Green Zone. Staff are now required to sleep inside reinforced structures, are not allowed to spend long periods in their trailers, must wear protective gear and, most telling of all, must utilise armoured vehicles to travel inside of the heavily fortified enclave.

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  15:54:00 0 comments links to this post
  Pot - meet kettle
The city council of Henderson NV, located next to Las Vegas, is considering passing an ordinance that would ban teenage dance clubs due to concerns about the moral impact of such venues. Have they bothered to look outside lately?

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  15:39:00 0 comments links to this post
  R.I.P.
Dith Pran, a journalist whose life in Cambodia under the Khmer Rouge was dramatised in "The Killing Fields", has died of cancer at the age of 65.

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  15:32:00 0 comments links to this post
  Whither Basra?
For reasons that remain unexplained to rational people Captain Codpiece has labelled the growing violence in Basra as a "defining moment" in Iraq. So what if his "defining moment" turns into a disaster and rebel control of the city is confirmed? Will he then admit the error of his ways?

Sorry - I must have been dreaming for a moment. What a stupid question.

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  15:19:00 0 comments links to this post
  It can happen here (but not if we're careful)!
Right wing Christian "charity" Christian Action, Research and Education is funding "researchers" in the offices of twelve British MPs in a transparent attempt to influence the upcoming vote on the embryo and fertilisation act. Gordon Brown, under pressure from the churches will allow a "free vote" on parts of the bill whereby Labour MPs will be freed from their obligations to the party's manifesto and forced to obey the orders of their church (under threat of damnation or worse). However CARE, as it is known, now faces inquiries by both Charity Commission and the House of Commons watchdog over what surely amounts to illegal lobbying. Let's hope they get their arse smacked and are sent scurrying back to America where they belong!

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  15:10:00 0 comments links to this post
  The smack down of the year
On the editorial pages of the New York Times Gene Kelly's widow responds to comparisons made between her late husband and Captain Codpiece by Bush propagandist Times columnist Maureen O'Dowd. Key quote: "For George Bush to become Gene Kelly would require impossible leaps in creativity, erudition and humility". Snigger.

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  15:05:00 0 comments links to this post
  The question is - "will anyone pay"?
Former Alabama Governor Don Siegelman has finally been released from jail on bond in order to pursue his appeal for what most certainly seems to have been a politically motivated prosecution. Governor Siegelman sees Karl Rove's fingerprints all over the case but can he be made to pay? There is a strong possibility that Rove may be compelled to testify before Congress. What a joy it would be to see him take the Fifth.

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  14:58:00 0 comments links to this post
29 March 2008
  I hope they know what they have let themselves in for
If I were looking to liberalise a controlled and centrally planned economy I would not start by opening up access to mobile phones (or personal music players with external speakers). I hope that the Cubans enjoy their exposure to the impolitic and irritating cacophony of public spaces. It is, of course, possible that Raúl Castro is simply extremely clever and he has decided that starting with mobiles should put the Cubans off of capitalism and the free market for life. I would have worked with me!

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  15:09:00 0 comments links to this post
  Caught cheating!
Oh dear. In a closed door session of the energy council of EU ministers the UK's representative, Lady Vadera, put forward the proposition that UK investment in renewable energy projects anywhere in the world should count towards the 15% renewable energy target. What excellent thinking! However for some reason I suspect that she did not suggest that foreign investment in renewables in the UK not be excluded from counting towards the target nor that UK investment in polluting enterprises around the globe, such as BP's pursuit of riches in Calgary's oil sands, be counted as part of the UK's emissions. Undoubtedly this was just an oversight that she will quickly address, or not as the case may be.

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  14:56:00 0 comments links to this post
  Now this is a surprise
Senator Barack Obama's campaign got a rather surprising fillip yesterday with the endorsement of Pennsylvania Senator Bob Casey. Pennsylvania is an odd state in many respects and its Democrats reflect that in many ways. The party has a strong, blue collar centrist/conservative Catholic component and the younger Casey owes much of his support that. I would have expected him to come in support of Hillary as she is extremely strong in that sector. We shall have to wait and see what impact this has on Obama's support.

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  14:32:00 0 comments links to this post
  Beyond reason?
Starbucks' CEO Howard Schultz has his knickers in a twist over a court ruling that would see the company forced to pay up to $100 million to staff in California after a court ruling that the company illegally including supervisors in tip pooling schemes. He says that the company will not end the practice, will not pay back the tips and that the ruling is "contrary to the law, but also fundamentally unfair and beyond all common sense and reason". So take that and stick in your tip jar!

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  14:13:00 0 comments links to this post
  Damn the Inquirer!
I got over-excited when I saw this headline, "State clamps down on Cheyney", in the Inquirer. My first thought was that Governor Rendell had issued an arrest warrant for US Vice President "I'm a Big" Dick Cheney, and the paper had mispelled his name, only to find that the story was about the finances of Cheney University outside of West Chester and not about the Evil Overlord. Damnm damn, damn!

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  13:23:00 0 comments links to this post
  Uh oh, the Captain isn't going to like this!
British Defence Secretary Des Browne quite sensibly notes that there is benefit in talking to the Taliban. One suspects that his undoubtedly less sensible US counterpart doesn't agree.

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  13:19:00 0 comments links to this post
  Fighting the Eternal Global War on Terra - one nipple at a time!
The battle to keep America safe is never ending as demonstrated by the courageous Transportation Security Administration personnel in Lubbock TX who forced Mandi Hamlin to remove her nipple piercing (with pliers) before she could be allowed to Dallas. Ms. Hamlin has demanded an apology and an investigation for which the TSA is very thankful.

Meanwhile the battle against terrorist teats has moved on to the great state of Florida where advertisements in Orlando for the upcoming Wrestlemania XXIV feature post nipple-ectomy pugilists.

Things are not going so well however in the Green Mountain State though as the Vermont Human Rights Commission has found that an airline discriminated against Emily Gillette when they removed her from a flight for pornographically feeding her two month old child. What do we expect from a state with a French name?

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  12:44:00 1 comments links to this post
  Supporting the troops - Republican style
A company run by Captain Codpiece's former Veteran's Affairs Secretary, Anthony Principi, has been found to have overcharged the Department of Veteran's Affairs around $6 million in an audit performed by the department's Inspector General. QTC Management Inc has just had its contract extended because of good performance reviews and the department is trying to amend the contract to allow QTC to charge the higher fees.

Nice and cozy.

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  12:34:00 0 comments links to this post
  Another Bush crook bites the dust
A special assistant to the President on intergovernmental affairs, Felipe Sixto, has suddenly resigned after learning that his former employer, the Center for a Free Cuba, is set to launch legal action against him for alleged misuse of US government grants when he headed up the Center. Mr. Sixto was promoted to his current White House position only 28 days ago. I anticipate a statement from the White House expressing concern and prayers for Mr. Sixto and his family any moment now.

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  12:28:00 0 comments links to this post
  War is Peace....Freedom is Slavery...
...Violence is Good.

The world according to Captain Codpiece.

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  12:25:00 0 comments links to this post
28 March 2008
  Today in infamy - "it's been a long hard decade" edition

Ten years ago today Viagra was first marketed for erectile dysfunction and the world will never be the same.

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  15:02:00 0 comments links to this post
  Headline of the day
"Suspicious pants point police to massive find". The double entendre may or may not have been intended.

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  14:50:00 0 comments links to this post
  Coming soon to a family near (and dear) to you
Recession - The Movie.

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  14:41:00 0 comments links to this post
  A new cause célèbre for the "every life is sacred" folks?
Probably not. 11 year old Madeline Neumann of Wisconsin has died after her parents prayed for her to get well rather than take her to a doctor. Madeline suffered from an unusual but very treatable form of diabetes. Local police are considering charge against the parents but may be prevented from moving forward by a clause in the Wisconsin statute which allows for a "treatment through prayer" exemption which effectively allows parents to kill their children as long as they believe God will heal them.

Welcome to the twenty first century.

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  14:27:00 0 comments links to this post
  Maybe I was wrong
I may have overstated my case when I suggested that democracy in America was doomed due to an ill-informed electorate. Today's news tells us that only 10% of Americans think Barack Osama Obama is a Muslim. Perhaps they have been paying attention after all!

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  14:22:00 0 comments links to this post
  Saving the planet - one boondoggle at a time
Having done not very much in his tenure at the head of the US Environmental "Protection" Agency, Stephen Johnson wants to jet off to Oz for a fortnight along with a bunch of his staff in order to take a break from not doing very much. This has not pleased Senator Barbara Boxer (D - CA) who wants Mr. Johnson to testify as to the very little he is doing to prevent (non-existent) global warming. We'll see who wins this one soon enough.

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  14:17:00 0 comments links to this post
  A stealth reconquista afoot?
The Mexican government is claiming that it is just trying to stem drug war related violence in the northern state of Chihuahua but I fear there may be more sinister motivations behind the massing of Mexican forces on the US border in Ciudad Juárez. After all it is obvious that US forces are bogged down in Iraq and Afghanistan. Could Mexico be planning a invasion to take back the territories stolen from it in 1846-1848? You have been warned!

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  14:02:00 0 comments links to this post
  Left wing traitors demand closure of Guantánamo Bay Beach and Leisure Club
They also demand that the US enter into dialogue with treacherous and America hating Islamic Republic of Iran. Hey, wait a second, these folks aren't left wing traitors they are five former Secretaries of State including Captain Codpiece's dad's good friend James Baker III!

Oh well. It doesn't matter who they used to be. Off to Gitmo with them!

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  13:53:00 0 comments links to this post
  It's not that I wish Mark Thatcher ill...
...oh shit, I may as well be honest. I probably do wish Mark Thatcher ill if only for being such a useless and annoying twat. Ergo I confess to taking some guilty pleasure in the news that Equatorial Guinea has sent a request to Interpol for an international arrest warrant for the Milk Snatcher's wayward son over his role in a coup plot to overthrow the country's dictator Obiang Nguema. President Nguema has no special place in my heart and certainly richly deserves to be ousted but it wouldn't hurt young Mr. Thatcher to finally do a little hard time and I am sure that time served in Equatorial Guinea is hard time indeed.

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  13:41:00 0 comments links to this post
  "And this time I meant it!"
Iraq's iron fisted President Nuri al-Maliki has extended the deadline for the militants/terrorists/freedom fighters/criminals currently fighting in Basra to hand in their weapons from tomorrow to 8 April and has promised a little financial sweetener if they do. I'm sure that will do it!

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  13:31:00 0 comments links to this post
  Nice pants!
A video covering the British "Fair Trails My Arse" campaign.

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  13:25:00 0 comments links to this post
  Praise the Lord and sell the ammunition!
It's good to see that Captain Codpiece is still running the government like a poorly run business; after all consistency is important. Last year the Pentagon awarded a 300 million USD contract to supply ammunition to Afghanistan to a 22 year old masseur with a criminal record. Said masseur subsequently provided 40 year old ammunition in decomposed packaging.

Better than working for tips, eh?

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  12:43:00 0 comments links to this post
  Dear Mr. President,
Despite your assertion to the contrary it is not possible to deliver justice at the end of a laser guided missile.

Retribution - perhaps. Blind vengeance - yes. Justice - no.

Your friend,

Yank in London



Note also the conflation of al Qaeda and Iran, despite all evidence to the contrary. Do I hear the drums of war (again)?
  12:39:00 0 comments links to this post
27 March 2008
  Well you can't say that they are unafraid to tackle the difficult problems
Captain Codpiece's USDA looks set to tackle the problem of recalls in the food chain by no longer informing the public when they happen! Now that is thinking outside the box.

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  15:07:00 0 comments links to this post
  Kudos where kudos are (is?) due
A virtual tip of the Yank in London hat to BAA and its new, shiny yet controversial Terminal 5 at Heathrow. They have managed to arrange for a serious baggage delay almost before they had any bags to delay! Well done everyone. I think you should head off for an overpriced pint in one of the terminal's ersatz pubs before actually working on resolving the problem.

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  14:53:00 2 comments links to this post
  The Green Zone News
Reuters is reporting that the ridiculously expensive, and as yet unfinished, US Embassy in the Green Zone in Baghdad has been hit by mortar fire but I reckon it could have been an air strike called in by the contractor responsible for the construction to avoid being blamed for the delayed completion.

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  14:43:00 0 comments links to this post
  But what about my insalata tricolore?
The latest food scare? Dioxin levels in mozzarella di bufala from Napoli.

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  14:34:00 0 comments links to this post
  Why democracy in America is doomed
America is at war; at least with a significant portions of the Iraqi and Afghan populations. If the American electorate cannot be bothered to be informed as to the cost of those wars in the lives of their countrymen and women how can they be expected to be sufficiently informed to make a considered and intelligent decision in the voting booth?

Am I the only one who is ashamed?

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  13:56:00 0 comments links to this post
  "It's victory John but not as we know it!"
Yesterday MSNBC was forced to interrupt John McCain's declaration of victory in Iraq in order to cover the escalating violence in the country. Crooks and Liars has the video.

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  13:10:00 0 comments links to this post
  Shorter Robert Novak
"I must be clinically insane!" The dour one advises John McCain to cut Social Security Tax.

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  13:06:00 0 comments links to this post
  Another diplomatic success!
After years of engaging with the illegitimate government of Pakistani President Pervez "The (ex)-General" Musharraf the US finds itself being told by the new government that Pakistan is no longer the US's "killing field" and that the new government will seek a new way of dealing with terrorists in the country. In the meantime the US has decided to keep up the killin' while the killin' is good.

Yes - the world is a safer place now, innit it?
  12:57:00 0 comments links to this post
26 March 2008
  "Sorry mate. You're barred."

A group of pub landlords are trying to engineer a campaign to see to it that Chancellor of the Exchequer, Alistair Darling, is barred from every pub in the land after he endangered that truly venerable British institution, a pint of real ale, with another crippling increase in beer duty in his latest budget. Well if I have to make a choice between Mr. Darling and a properly pulled pint of Britain's finest it really isn't a difficult choice!

I just love to watch participatory democracy at work

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  14:05:00 0 comments links to this post
  At a loose end in Basel this weekend?
Well then take a little something and drop in on the first ever World Psychedelic Forum. It could prove interesting!

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  13:54:00 0 comments links to this post
  Hillary's "don't vote for me argument"
I am having a hard time getting my head around Senator Clinton's argument that pledged delegates aren't actually pledged to anyone. To me this suggests that there is no reason to vote for the Senator as her "delegate" is just going to go off and vote for someone else, probably me.

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  13:19:00 0 comments links to this post
  God 1 - Gordon 0
The Prime Minister has backed down, at least at bit, and will allow MPs a "free vote" over parts of the proposed embryo bill. This "free vote" will of course be nothing of the kind as Labour back benchers will simply trade the New Labour whip for the whip of their church and will vote as ordered or risk damnation. Fortunately as the UK is not the US in all likelihood the bill will pass anyway. If not it will be a loss for Britain and a win for a dead and decaying God.

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  12:49:00 0 comments links to this post
  Now where did I put them damn triggers again?
It wasn't all that long ago that the US Air Force "accidentally" mislead a number of hydrogen bombs and "accidentally" flew them across the US. Now a military contractor has "accidentally" sent triggers for atomic bombs to Taiwan. China is not well pleased. It is understand that the US government will apologise for the mistake and explain that the triggers were meant to be "accidentally" sent to Iran where they would have provided justification for a unilateral attack by the US.

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  12:41:00 0 comments links to this post
  Damn cheese eating free trade haters!
The right wing President of France, Nicholas Sarkozy, has raised the prospect of a French boycott of the Olympic opening ceremonies over the violence and oppression by the Chinese government in Tibet. Don't they realise that there's business at stake here?

And there's some sort of something stirring up the tabloids re the most recent Mrs. Sarkozy as well. (Probably NSFW)

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  12:27:00 0 comments links to this post
  Supporting the troops
Nadia McCaffrey, the mother of a US soldier killed in Iraq, is trying to set up a home for veterans suffering from PTSD in Somona County CA but it seems the locals would prefer that the troops be supported elsewhere. Key quote from a resident: "we will not accept anyone who's not completely functional" thereby explaining why the Captain Codpiece Presidential Library was not sited locally.

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  12:22:00 0 comments links to this post
25 March 2008
  The Legacy


(Via The Huffington Post.)

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  19:43:00 0 comments links to this post
  Question: what do these people see when they take Rorschach tests?*
It's Easter and that means that a great and blessed miracle has caused the image of the Virgin Mary to appear on an egg, this time in Brownsville TX. Despite the assurances of Veronica Cervera that she plans to keep the holy relic expect to see it on EBay by April Fools' Day.

*Answer: Jesus, Jesus, Virgin Mary, Jesus, Jesus, doughnut, Jesus, Virgin Mary.

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  19:03:00 0 comments links to this post
  Welcome to Bottom Feeders Anonymous
Stanford Kurland, along with other former executives of Countrywide Financial, has started a new finance company to buy up mortgages on the cheap and take advantage of markets panicked by the situation he and his mates did so much to create when they were running their former firm into the ground.

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  18:47:00 0 comments links to this post
  Those of you that thought that rabies had been wiped out in the UK...
...have never met not certifiably sane Daily Mail and Spectator columnist Melanie Phillips seen here setting out her right to determine if Israelis are Israeli enough to be Israeli despite not actually being Israeli herself.

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  18:23:00 0 comments links to this post
  Another brilliant idea
Guns on planes. I particularly like the in depth analysis by Greg Alter of the US Air Marshall Service:

"We know that there was never any danger to the aircraft or to the occupants on board."

Dear Mr. Alter if you do not know that statement to be completely and utterly false you are clearly unqualified for whatever position you hold at FAMS and if you know the statement to be clearly and utterly false are clearly unqualified to hold that p