Number 36: when you are as old as The Aged One the past, present and future all sort of merge into one. And if you think that the President of the United States ought to be capable of properly speaking American (forget English) well we've managed very well for the past seven years, haven't we?
Briton David Barnish has been awarded £750 compensation over his family's disastrous holiday to Kos, which is, you should note, a Greek island. Apparently the Barnishs arrived at their hotel only to find it full of GERMANS. No matter what time they got up they would always find all of the sun loungers covered with towels and were forced to sit on the grass. How unfortunate for them. Of course this provides an excuse, as if one were needed, to share the funniest four minutes of TV comedy ever!
Let's make sure that "gay day" at Disney World can never happen again! According the David Caton of the Florida Family Association
"This is an event that is, on its face, very offensive because they're in there demonstrating their same-sex affection...It's a party on their part. Most of them hang out on Main Street; they hang out in the restaurants. They want to be seen."
And in any decent Christian country there should be no ho-mo-sexuals to be seen.
Senator McCain's campaign advisers "Holy" Joe Lieberman and Lindsey "Am I Annoying or What?" Graham have resigned as policy advisers to those great patriots at Vets for Freedom. Unfortunately as they waited until after VfF launched their second attack ad on Senator Obama before resigning I think that this falls just a wee bit short of the McCain campaign policy that prohibits participation in "527 or other independent entity that makes public communications that support or oppose any presidential candidate". I can only assume that their resignations from the McCain campaign team are also forthcoming. (Hey! Come guys. Hurry up. I'm holding my breath here!)
Number 35: he has no honour. Now as I see General Petraeus has two, and only two, options. He must either publicly demand that The Aged One immediately remove his image from the campaign website AND explain how this could have happened without the General's permission or he must immediately resign his commission. Over to you General.
"As soon as the kangaroos arrive we'll be ready to start"
Authorities at the palatial Guantánamo Bay Beach and Leisure Resort have had to dismiss judge Colonel Peter E. Brownback III from his role as the chief judge. Although no explanations were given for putting Col. Brownback on gardening leave it appears that amongst other things he was insisting that the prosecutors turn over evidence to the defence teams and that he was resisting the carefully worked out schedule that would see the first convictions verdicts come in time for the coronation of President John McCain in November!
As if we need evidence! These men are evil doers and we all know it. Why else would the US government be financing their six or seven year long holidays in Cuba?
Number 34: his ridiculous "League of Democracies (That I Approve Of)" is simply a non-starter. Who is going to decide who is a democracy? (John McCain?) Who is going to decide who gets in? (John McCain?) Would Pakistan qualify and Venezuela not? How about Thailand or Zimbabwe? (The Vatican's out for sure!)
Do not pass go, do not collect 200 Euros...
...go directly to Hell (or possibly a nunnery). That is the message that the (all male) Vatican has for any non-male (aka woman) who is consecrated as a priest. This is not especially good new for Sinead O'Connor.
For starters he's never going to play for the All Blacks now, is he?
A local councillor from Paraparaumu-Raumati in New Zealand dressed up in Klu Klux Klan klobber to protest national hoodie day. I just hope he doesn't dress up as a Nazi you Yom Kippur.
Today in infamy - "dead man in Deptford" edition
On this day in 1593 playwright and poet Christopher Marlowe was stabbed to death in a pub at Deptford. This was back when Deptford was safer than it is today.
For those of you who haven't read Anthony Burgess's outstanding novel about the murder of Kit Marlowe, A Dead Man in Deptford, I heartily reccommend it.
...or perhaps continue would be a better choice of words. A US Marine has been removed from duty after he was found to have been handing out coins with Biblical verses on them at a checkpoint in Falluja. Just in case anyone thinks this may have been an accident should know that the coins were inscribed in Arabic. The taxpayer funded campaign for converts marches on!
...you award Fulbright Scholarships to a number of students from the illegally occupied Gaza Strip to allow them to pursue advanced degrees in America. Said students are denied permission to leave the Gaza Strip by the illegal occupier as part of the illegal occupier's policy of collective punishment (in violation of international law).
Do you inform the illegal occupier, who relies extensively on American support and finance, that this is unacceptable and force them to allow these undoubtedly deserving and intelligent young people to further their education?
"McClellan could have resigned in protest or simply moved on with his dignity intact. Now he looks pathetic, vindictive and opportunistic. Not much of a legacy."
From an "assessment" of Scott McClellans' revelations by the White House's favourite gay escort and pseudo-reporter Jeff Gannon.
Captain Codpiece's evil minions have finally got around to issuing a comprehensive assessment of the impact of global warming on the US and it ain't good news folks. Unsurprisingly the report was only issued, four years after it was due, after a court order forcing them to do so. Consistency is their hallmark.
"Winston Churchill killed the Jews!" (I shit you not.) His premise, if one can call it that, is that World War II never would have happened, and the Jews would have "all survived", if only Churchill hadn't given a defense guarantee to Poland. What would have happened to Poland is not discussed.
The head of the Bank of International Settlements has come out to say that the omniscient, omnipotent,omnipresent yet invisible hand of the market simply ignored the warning signs of the collapse in the US real estate market. Well, I ask you, what the hell is the point of being omniscient, omnipotent and omnipresent, let alone invisible, if you're simply going to waste your talents?
No one could accuse Gordon Brown's business secretary John Hutton of pandering to the Labour base, should such a thing still exist, in his recent talk to the Fabian Society. Perhaps it is time for a change, and a major one, at the top of the party.
Well they may be learning but might still come up short of learned. Charlesetta Deason was the head mistress of a charter school in Houston when she was asked if she would like to set up a similar institution in Qatar. Only one problem. She didn't know where Qatar was. A high school principal. What can I say?
Of course Ms. Deason's previous school was in Texas so that may explain the lower standards.
Will there be pictures (or explanations of foot tapping codes)?
Soon to be ex-Senator Larry "Not Now and Never Has Been Gay but Is Willing to Consider It in the Future" Craig (R - ID) is go to write a tell (less than) all book. This should be good. I must remember to add it to my Xmas list!
A question for both all five Presidential candidates
Are you going to ensure that the Pentagon audit office is fully funded so that it may carry out its charter? If not, why not? Please financially justify your response. (Hint: I guarantee that any additional funding will more than pay for itself!)
Hundreds and hundreds of Christian Bibles have been blasphemously burned by radical Muslim Jewish students in Israel and the American press refuses to report on this gross violation of the Christian nature of the American state! When do we invade?
The great Americans at Americans for Truth prove to us that the US media is "promoting atheism"! "How did they do this?" you ask. By reviewing the 2007 news coverage of ABC, CBS, NBC, Newsweek, Time, U.S. News and World Report an four programmes from National Public Radio. In all of this coverage they found one hundred and five (105!) stories that acknowledged the non-existence of God. Won't someone please think of the children!
Resplendently mustachioed former (temporary) US Ambassador to the UN and neo-con extraordinaire John Bolton escaped an attempt by writer and activist George Monbiot to arrest him for war crimes at the Hay Festival yesterday. The Guardianhas pictures. I asked you lot to keep your fingers crossed and you failed me!
Representatives of 109 countries have signed up to a comprehensive ban on cluster munitions. Included in the 109 nations is, somewhat surprisingly, the UK which has agreed to eliminate all of its cluster bombs and will also force the US to remove stockpiles from British soil. (I wonder if this covers Diego Garcia?)
The United States joined those beacons of freedom and peace China, Israel, Pakistan and Russia in refusing to even discuss the matter. India also did not attend the session or sign up to the agreement. The company one keeps says a lot about oneself I think.
...and shoves the traitorous Scottie under it! The are so not happy. For instance thoroughly gruntled White House spokes model Dana Perino said that Mr McClellan
"is disgruntled about his experience at the White House...For those of us who fully supported him, before, during and after he was press secretary, we are puzzled. It is sad. This is not the Scott we knew."
Ms. Perino went on to say that Captain Codpiece was aware of the book but that he wouldn't be reading it, possibly because he still hasn't managed to get through his copy My Pet Goat II, an Xmas present.
Over on Faux News former Presidential aide turned professional liar pundit Karl Rove stayed with the "not the Scottie I know" theme and also said that the quotes sounded like a "left wing blogger" because after all if you don't live in the Bush administrations anti-reality bubble then you must be evil. ("Left wing blogger" is White House code for "evil doer" by the way.) Mr. Rove went on to complain about the lowly wages he must be getting from the Faux Network as he said that he wouldn't be reading the book until "until somebody else buys it and gives me a copy". Come on Karl! The pay can't be that bad. The book's only £11.21 over here (and eligible for SuperSaver delivery!), it's bound to be cheaper over there. I'm sure you can afford it if you just cut back on the sweets. It's not as if you can't afford to lose a little weight. Just imagine how exciting it will be to have a chin of your own again! Here's Karl pontificating.
And here's some footage from MSNBC discussing the White House's anger managment problems. (I wonder what the word-he-can't-say-on-TV was.)
Crooks and Liars has a clip from one of those truly horrible Faux News shows in which the presenters decide to express their deeply not thought out positions that volunteer soldiers don't deserve the benefits that they will get from the new GI Bill (as opposed by Captain Codpiece and John McCain). The bit I find of most interest is when one of the MILF-like presenters of which the Faux Network is so fond, whose identify I don't know, proves totally incapable of pronouncing the word "vitriolic". We all like to have a bit of fun when a politician stumbles over a word or two, fifty in Captain Codpiece's case, but this woman pretends to be a professional broadcaster. Time she found a job that she is qualified for I should think.
George Monbiot is going to attempt a citizen's arrest of John Bolton for crimes against humanity. I reckon he'd look good in an orange boiler suit, don't you? I'm also certain that the Syrians might have one or two questions they would like to ask him (and one or two ways to make him talk) after his extraordinary rendition.
The Asia Times is reporting that Captain Codpiece intends to attack Iran (illegally) by August. And "why not?" I must ask. After all all of the other wars are going so well.
Didn't someone we all know and love used to be governor down there?
The (less and less) great state of Texas ranks 46th out of the 50 states in seeing to the health of its children and ranks last in insurance coverage for kids with 20% going uncovered. See? The market works!
When they came for the cluster bombs I did nothing because I was not a cluster bomb
Kudos where kudos are due. Gordon Brown's government looks set to sign up to a total ban on cluster munitions leaving the US to hang out with its good mates Russia, China, Israel, India and Pakistan.
Today's Schadenfreude moment is brought to courtesy of Little Scottie McClellan, former spokes model at the White House, who has thrown Captain Codpiece under the proverbial bus. I may just have to read the book! Not that it will tell us anything we don't know already, (they lie, they violate the law, Captain Codpiece isn't much of a thinker) but to hear it from the lips of one of his chosen yet evil minions, whilst he is still in office, may be worth a few hours of my time.
His popularity is so low that even the Jamaican Prime Minister doesn't want to be seen with him!
Note: this is in no way intended to disparage Jamaica. I haven't been there for a very long time but I had two lovely holidays there when I was in my twenties involving sun, sex, beautiful food and perhaps some other stuff.
If you don't be believe me just as the Wall Street Journal which carries this story of a mentally ill man whose irregular heart beat was sorted out after he was Tasered by cops undoubtedly concerned for his well being.
They should start charging for this! (Sadly that pun is intentional.)
Because there's no good reason why the owners should have a say
ExxonMobil wants to ban activism by shareholders because anyone who would put forward a motion on social issues bought the stock for illegitimate reasons rather than to get stinking rich by despoiling the planet.
American Jewish academic refused entry to Middle Eastern country for criticising government!
But since the academic is Norman Finkelstein and the Middle Eastern country is Israel there probably won't be a boycott or anything. Nonetheless I am sure that the State Department will protest in the strongest possible terms!
French President Nicholas Sarkosy, fast overtaking Captain Codpiece as to the percentage of the population of his country that thinks he is shite, is heading down the McCain/Clinton petrol tax holiday road. Not a good idea; in any language, in any country.
And God knows he needs it. If Barack Obama wins the election in November the British Prime Minister may no longer be required to drop his (or her) trousers and grab his (or her) ankles. Clearly this is yet another example of Senator Osama Obama demonstrating his unparalleled hatred for America.
Should any Presidential candidates read this blog looking for sage advice, and it is easy to see why they should, I think I have found a place we could start making some savings in the budget. For some reason it seems that the Presidential helicopter "Marine 1" (and there are many of them) is a type unto itself. The government is planning on spending $11,200,000,000 on developing a new version. That is more than the entire 2008 budget for Environmental "Protection" Agency.
As they used to say in the early days of the automobile: "Get a horse"!
It seems that the United States is not the only country where the government seems to take its marching orders from Big Pharma. It looks like Canada has the same problem. (Yes, before you ask, there is a similar, if smaller, problem in the UK as well.)
The International Atomic Energy Agency, whose opinions I respect unlike those of the Captain Codpiece administration and the right wing talking heads, says that Iran has not been meeting its obligations to the agency re its nuclear energy programme especially as regards weapons research. I do not think it wise that Iran end up with nuclear weapons, although given Jimmy Carter's recent revelations (see post below) I can understand their motivation. In any case the last thing that Captain Codpiece and the steroid snorting neo-con mob need is anything to add any substance, however minor, to their case for attacking Iran.
Clearly the billions and billions of US dollars, pounds, yen, rubles and yuan that have been spent on space research and exploration have not been wasted now that we will soon have space beer. Thank you Sapporo Breweries!
...yet you are intimidated by all the science-ey bits? Well you need worry no more. Now you can have your (traditional Christian) cake and eat it too* thanks to Exploring Creation with Zoology III which covers the exciting sixth day of creation!