Yank in London

1,000 reasons John McCain shouldn't be President

2008-07-22T19:48:00.002+01:00

Number 62: he (or his ghost writers) isn't even qualified to write a simple opinion piece.

Activist judges free Janet Jackson's tits!

2008-07-22T19:44:00.002+01:00

The US 3rd Circuit Court of Appeals has overturned the FCC's ludicrous half million USD fine for the nano-second glimpse we got of her breast piercings during the Super Bowl a couple of years ago. Why does no one even note that you see a hundred times the amount the breast flesh during the obligatory cleavage panning shot of the cheerleaders before every prime time game?

Free markets kill

2008-07-22T19:38:00.002+01:00

A new study from a researcher at Cambridge University makes a link between IMF mandated cuts in universal healthcare in Eastern European with increases in the rate of tuberculosis there. The study fails to discuss whether these people are using their best judgement by infecting themselves after a careful cost/benefit analysis.

Put your head between your knees...

2008-07-22T19:33:00.002+01:00

...and kiss your habeas corpus goodbye. Despite all his fine talk it appears that Captain Codpiece has no intentions to follow the law despite the Supreme Court's unequivocal ruling!

Hey America think you've got it bad?

2008-07-19T14:50:00.003+01:00

Never mind. It could be worse you could be a Zimbabwean. They must be paying over 3 billion dollars for a gallon of gasoline!

You can check out anytime you want...

2008-07-19T14:46:00.001+01:00

...but you'll need a helicopter to the airport because you wouldn't want to leave the Green Zone after you weekend getaway at the Hotel Baghdad.

Faux and (un)balanced

2008-07-19T14:23:00.003+01:00

The American airwaves are alive as one network accuses another of bias and, to our immense amusement, the accusations are coming from the home of Fauxness!

Thank God it's only a "time horizon"...

2008-07-19T14:09:00.002+01:00

...because if Bush and al-Maliki had agreed to a timetable instead it would mean that the terrorists have won!

I didn't mean to be right!

2008-07-19T14:03:00.005+01:00

I have long semi-jokingly described America as a first world nation and a third world nation sharing the same geography. It seems that I may have been right at we all should be shamed by the 30 year gap in life expectancy between the states of Mississippi and Connecticut.

Larry Craig will not go gently into his goodnight

2008-07-19T13:58:00.002+01:00

He doesn't want those dern ferners to jerk us around by our "gas nozzles" with a possible exemption for airports men's' rooms!

Has Captain Codpiece been possessed by aliens that don't know his habits?

2008-07-19T13:49:00.002+01:00

I could have sworn he had said that he would never talk to terrorists and if those evil Iranians with their unpronounceable names aren't terrorists, well who is?

1,000 reasons John McCain shouldn't be President

2008-07-19T13:45:00.001+01:00

Number 61: he's cheating on your taxes!

The one million name list

2008-07-19T13:29:00.002+01:00

America's list of potential terrorists has now reached seven figures. Any predictions as to when it will reach eight figures? But don't worry. If you're not an evil doer you have nothing to worry about unless you might want to fly somewhere.

Now I'm not saying he'd shouldn't have gone to Tony Snow's funeral...

2008-07-19T13:24:00.002+01:00

...but you would think that someday before he slinks back off to Texas he might have the humility and courage to finally attend to the funeral of a soldier whose death he has done so much to cause.

Guilty as charged!!!

2008-07-19T13:17:00.002+01:00

Those dangerous freedom haters and terrorist enablers at the International Red Cross has found that the administration of Captain Codpiece and his evil minions have probably committed war crimes. The mere prospect of Bush, Rumsfeld and Cheney having to face a court someday, probably in Europe, is making exciting things happen to my ever so patriotic little man downstairs!

"So like how much to find out what he's hiding in that codpiece?"

2008-07-19T13:14:00.002+01:00

Only about $250,000 apparently which surely is value for money!

This Stella's for you!!

2008-07-19T13:04:00.002+01:00

I wonder if the takeover of Anheuser Busch by Belgian brewers InBev will mean America's favourite beer will eventually become drinkable. In any case I think Americans should be prepared for the purchase of more of the country's crown jewels by Europeans and others as the value of the dollar slips away into oblivion. I wouldn't worry about any of the car manufacturers being gobbled up though. After all who would want them.

I don't suppose anyone notified you but...

2008-07-19T13:01:00.001+01:00

...last weekend there was yet another terrorist attack on American soil, this time in the form of a firebomb attack on the US consulate in Okinawa. Fortunately no one was injured.

Even if it walks like a timetable...

2008-07-16T13:33:00.001+01:00

...and talks like a timetable I wouldn't be worried that it is actually a timetable. It's probably just an election!

In related news....

2008-07-16T13:29:00.003+01:00

...the headline most likely to be misinterpreted in Britain: "Fannie Plan a Disaster". If, as an American, you don't understand why this is likely to be misinterpreted I offer you this advice. Should you ever come to Britain on holiday and your four year old girl starts misbehaving in the airport whatever you do don't tell her "if you don't behave I'm going to spank your fanny". If you do you are likely to have a long, and potentially unpleasant, chat with the local constabulary.

America goes socialist....

2008-07-16T13:27:00.001+01:00

...and the socialists approve. I wonder how the American taxpayer feels as the owner of two new banks!

Pro-life irony

2008-07-12T13:34:00.002+01:00

The fervently pro-life Bush administration has materially lowered the value of a human life. I shit you not.

Things to do this afternoon

2008-07-12T13:30:00.001+01:00

1) Pop round the bookies and put £50 on oil to hit $200 a barrel before Captain Codpiece checks out!

For those of you who still doubt that Captain Codpiece is nothing but an immature, spoiled, elitist frat boy...

2008-07-12T13:13:00.001+01:00

...I give you his goodbye "joke" to the G8.

Please pay attention I'm only going to say this once!

2008-07-12T13:06:00.003+01:00

Americans do not have a God given right to cheap petrol and praying to God for cheap petrol is a useless exercise. If She really is God She surely has more important things to do and if She isn't God She won't be able to do anything! Got it?