Yank in London

Joy in Mudville

2010-04-13T21:22:00.001+01:00

The Philly Daily News wins a Pulitzer.

This probably will mean nothing when they get auctioned off later this month because journalism doesn't mean anything to genius of the market; only the ability to generate cash does.

Oh to be Danish....

2010-04-08T16:48:00.002+01:00

...because in Denmark unionised workers only strike over the most important of issues; access to beer!

Election 2010 - day 2 - the papers have more

2010-04-08T12:41:00.003+01:00

Let's start out there to the right, shall we? The Daily Mail harrumphs its way through an article suggesting that almost all the jobs created in the past 12 years have gone to bloody foreigners! (Not sure if Scots are included....) Before anyone blames me by the way you should note that I arrived in 1993.

Meanwhile The Sun, which also features an article about those thieving foreigners, has let their readership vote on whether to bring back hanging. Surprisingly only 43% said "yes". Except additional polls soon about drawing and quartering (although the last one will probably confuse the average Sun reader as it involves maths).

Elsewhere the Torygraph continues to accuse El Gordo of waging war on business, possibly by refusing to give business absolutely everything that they want.

Surprisingly Rupert's Times commissioned a poll that tells us that the voters don't think Posh Boy is ready. (We needed a poll for this?)

The Indie reports that the founder of the pink Tories has announced that he is voting Labour. This might have something to do with old Tory bigotry and B&B's.

The Grauniad does some actual reporting and discovers that the Conservatives' adviser on the £12 billion in spending cuts they plan to make runs a health company that stands to gain from NHS cutbacks. If only there were some word to describe this sort of behaviour.

The Mirror followed Posh Boy to Bolton where he was not greeted with much love by the workers at a bakery. He is quoted as saying “the good news from your point of view is the first few times when I opened it, after having obeying every instruction, there just seemed to be a bit of mush at the bottom". It is not entirely clear if he was discussing the Tory manifesto or his experiences with a bread baking machine.

And, last but definitely not least, once again The Star says "Election? What election?" Tits still on page three.

Election 2010 - the papers speak!

2010-04-07T11:05:00.003+01:00

The Daily Mail calls out Labour for declaring class war on Posh Boy. (Special bonus Richard Littlejohn edition: the Shadow Home Secretary may think that gay boys shouldn't stay at B&Bs but it's the damn lefties' fault. Mr. Littlejohn shall hereafter be known as the "Voice of Reason".

The Torygraph informs us that politicians lie. This is what passes as scintillating political analysis at the paper these days apparently.

The Indie hints that El Gordo is counting on a hung parliament and is already chatting up Nick Clegg.

Rupert's Times tells us that El Gordo has declared war on business and the source for this allegation is, of course, the Tory Party!

Rupert's other, less cerebral publication, the must esteemed Sun announces the arrival of D-Dave. As of yet no cape and his pants are still on the inside.

The Grauniad explores in some depth El Gordo's roots as a typical middle class nearly English working class Presbyterian Scot.

Last but not least The Daily Star metaphorically asks: "Election? What election? Tits on Page 3!"

So what are you doing on the 6th of May?

2010-04-06T10:40:00.002+01:00

As predicted el Gordo may a quick trip round the palace this morning and has called a general election for four weeks time. Let the sliming and lying begin.

The race is likely to be amusing even if none of the candidates inspire.

Fasten your seat belts

2010-04-05T20:19:00.005+01:00

Unless he surprises us the Prime Minister will set the date of the general election tomorrow and, against the odds, it seems it be a dog fight. The Tories remain their own worst enemies with Cameron nought but a cypher behind a smile, the baggage that is Lord Ashcroft and the fact that when you scratch these "New Tories" they're the same old thing not very far below the surface. It should be fun.

Si si puede!

2010-03-31T21:10:00.002+01:00

Today is Cesar Chavez Day. (Don't tell the Teabaggers!)

Getting juiced....

2010-03-31T19:01:00.003+01:00

We've got an election coming, very soon, and it looks like it is going to be very interesting. I can hardly wait! Much better than election cycles that go on for years.

(Note to Americans: a hung parliament is not a reference to the size of the sexual organs of the male members.)

And I've got a pair just about that old

2010-03-30T12:47:00.002+01:00

Friday is the 50th birthday of Doc Martens boots.

Go ahead. Treat yourself - buy some new cherry reds!

Just how is Jerusalem above sea level?

2010-03-29T19:19:00.002+01:00

It seems that global warming has resolved a long standing territorial dispute between Bangladesh and India. Perhaps this was Captain Codpiece's cunning plan for peace in the Middle East. Crank up your SUVs!

But what does Gaia think?

2010-03-29T15:35:00.003+01:00

Environmentalist and futurist James Lovelock thinks that humanity is too stupid to do anything to prevent climate change in the coming decades. And with folks like these running wild it's hard to come up with a rebutal.

Perhaps it is time to consider whether we are an evolutionary dead end....

Tonight in weirdness

2010-03-25T23:15:00.001Z

I met my lovely friend Priya for a drink this evening (elle est ma faux-belle-fille). She has very curly hair that was recently cut very short and is now growing out a bit. We wondered if she could grow "Angela Davis hair". About ten minutes later my friend Liam arrives and asks me if I can remember a poem by either Primo Levi or Anegla Davis that began "first they came for the Jews..."

I do remember the poem which was not written by either of them (I think Levi used it as an epigram for one of his books and Davis may have quoted it at some point) but by a German minister by the name of Martin Niemöller.

I remember it because I had a t-shirt 15 years ago from the Anti-Nazi league that reproduced it on the back and it goes as follows.

" First they came for the Communists
And I did not speak out because I was not a Communist

Then they came for the Socialists
And I did not speak out because I was not a Socialist

Then they came for the trade unionists
And I did not speak out because I was not a trade unionist

Then they came for the Jews
And I did not speak out because I was not a Jew

Then they came for me
And there was no one left to speak out for me"

The Reverend Niemöller survived the Nazis and died in 1984.

Strange.....

I am willing Priya to manage Angela Davis hair in any case.

Well we all knew he was a scumbag

2010-03-25T19:21:00.002Z

I just didn't realise that being a scumbag would be quite so lucrative for poor old Tony. This goes past champagne socialism to pure-Peruvian-flake socialism.

But where's the big mac?

2010-03-24T21:23:00.003Z

It seems that over the past 1000 years or so the portion sizes in illustrations of the Last Supper have grown larger. Jesus remains skinny, not to mention curiously un-Jewish, because calories and partially-hydrogenated fats don't stick to God.

A point of order

2010-03-24T16:07:00.003Z

It is logically inconsistent to claim to be pro-life and to simultaneously make death threats. But then logical thought has never been a weapon in these folk's arsenal.

My budget

2010-03-24T14:23:00.003Z

As a (not quite) moderate (enough) drinker and a smoker once again I'm fucked. This is the second major whack we've had this year. When the government temporarily dropped VAT rates to 15% they upped the alcohol and tobacco duties so that we sinners didn't benefit. And when the rates went back up to 17.5% in January they didn't unstitch the increase so the price of a pint went up 5p and my baccy about the same amount. I reckon I have to go to the pub tonight to get a last jar or two at a mere £3.05!

As a divorced person...

2010-03-23T15:34:00.002Z

...I find it unfortunate that Debenhams is now offering a divorce registry service. I mean where were they when I needed them all those years ago....

I don't think anyone should tell the "marriage-is-holy" contingent. It will just make their heads explode when I'm not about to watch.

Never forget....

2010-03-21T14:26:00.002Z

Today is the 50th anniversary of the Sharpeville Massacre.

It's a shame that Hunter Thompson is dead....

2010-03-18T23:30:00.002Z

...because I think that this means that things have gotten weird enough for anyone, even him.

"Have you no sense of decency, sir, at long last? Have you left no sense of decency?"

2010-03-18T22:36:00.002Z

Perhaps I have lived away from America too long. Perhaps I have forgotten that the country was always this way. Perhaps so but I think not. There was certainly this level of vitriol in the years before I was born and the effect lingered into my early childhood in the early sixties. But it was not like this in my adult years in America until I moved away in 1993. When did it change? I haven't been back to the states for the past nine years and maybe it is only distance that has altered my perspective.

Where has the humanity gone? When did we cease treating each other like human beings?

In praise of....

2010-03-17T09:30:00.001Z

....Marie Stopes who opened Britain's first family planning clinic 89 years ago today.

No parent really wants their kids to be smarter than them...

2010-03-16T13:02:00.003Z

...and it would seem that the (once) great state of Texas has a solution to that little dilemma; "fix" the kid's textbooks. Of course the real losers are (in no particular order):

The school children of Texas.
The school children and families in other states that are ~~stupid~~ lucky enough to use Texan-books.
The country.

Of course any countries that look to compete with the US in the "knowledge based economy" can only be jumping for joy.

Beware of Daffo-panie

2010-03-15T10:50:00.002Z

Officials in Cumbria are extremely worried about the lack of daffodils in the Lake District and the potential impact on tourism. (Who the hell goes to the Lake District in March?) So if you see a few get Tweeting....

New York notices Sarf London, innit?

2010-03-12T18:36:00.002Z

A nice write up in the NYRB about the Dulwich Picture Gallery. Well worth a visit if you're ever south of the river; not that tourists ever come further south then the South Bank.....

Are no traditions safe?

2010-03-12T09:36:00.003Z

The annual Cooper's Hill Cheese Rolling had been cancelled for this year due to health and safety fears. Possibly due to the saturated fat content of a big old hunk of Double Gloucester!

Well he's not welcome here!

2010-03-09T15:09:00.004Z

America's finest Big Fat Idiot has promised to flee the country if health care reform is passed.

As the official Yank in London (of and for London) I have veto power. I suggest he try somewhere where he might feel at home; perhaps Uzbekistan or Zimbabwe.

Today in Schadenfreude

2010-03-08T21:14:00.003Z

Am I the only one enjoying the spectacle of the Tories trying to 'splain away the disgraceful situation surrounding Lord Ashcroft's noble and patriotic tax dodge? When Norman Tebbit has him in his sight;s these can't be happy days in Tory Central!

(Not so) compassionate conservatism

2010-03-08T20:57:00.002Z

Down wherever it is that Tom Delay is from they seem to think that people are unemployed because they like it. Or at least they do in the bar at the country club where he goes to make contact with the little people.

I would suggest that he is a small, evil and extremely un-Christian man but that would belabour the obvious.

Double reverse irony

2010-03-04T21:18:00.002Z

The British House of Lords has passed an amendment that will outlaw caste based discrimination in the workplace.

Isn't the House of Lords the ultimate exercise in caste based discrimination?

I have a few technical questions for the American Family Association

2010-03-04T20:24:00.002Z

First - if the Bible is literally true you should note that an orca is not an ox.

Second - how will the stoning be executed? I know you're not all that big on science you surely you will have noticed that stones slow down considerably once they hit the water. Will you have to remove the orca from its natural habitat to make you weaponry more effective? Is this fair?

Lastly - as this is a second offense the owner must die as well. Will you simply stone the chairperson of Seaworld or must all the shareholders die as well? Will executions be simultaneous or will they occur on separate occasions in order to increase attendance?

You may reach me here.....

Once again the scientists get it wrong

2010-03-03T20:16:00.003Z

It turns out that dinosaurs are some 10,000,000 years older than previously thought.

Of course this finding does not apply in the Great State of Texas for obvious reasons.

Now he was a Socialist!

2010-03-03T16:02:00.004Z

Former Labour Party leader Michael Foot has died at the ripe old age of 96. He was a marvelous orator, a writer, a fervent opponent of nuclear weapons and a Plymouth Argyle supporter. And yes, he was a real Socialist. A true lion of the left.

He will be missed.

I have read Tom Payne and you sir are no Tom Payne

2010-02-22T22:11:00.003Z

By happenstance I happen to be reading Tom Payne's Common Sense and The Rights of Man. I also, quite unfortunately for me, stumbled on a video of the right wing American commentator Glenn Beck comparing himself to the 18th century British radical.

I find it appalling that this narcissist has managed to get away with this extraordinary comparison. I can only imagine that it is that Americans are no longer taught about Payne because he thinking is far too dangerous to the corporatocracy that rules the states today and that he so well serves.

The two of them have one area of agreement; a contempt for government. Outside of that there is no common ground. Payne believed religion to be a force of oppression. He believed the concept of real property to be theft by force. He was a class warrior who opposed the power of the few wealthy to increase the suffering of the masses. He demanded revolution to rectify the imbalance.

Beck by contrast wishes simply to enrich himself; to placate his corporate masters.
He is without shame.

You may live in your own world, you own mind, Mr. Beck but you are not worthy of mention in the same sentence.

I shall leave you with a quote:

"To argue with a person who has renounced the use of reason is like administering medicine to the dead."

Ken Starr is (a) President

2010-02-17T19:53:00.003Z

Perenial tormentor of the Clintons, extravegent waster of taxpayer money and all around good guy, Ken Starr, is now President of Baylor University.

Expect Baylor to launch a series of investigations into the whereabouts of that goddamn cigar in the morning.

Don't forget the Neeps; don't forget the Tatties; and bloody well don't forget the Whiskey

2010-01-25T19:08:00.002Z

Happy Burns' Night

Address to a Haggis

1.
Fair fa' your honest, sonsie face,
Great chieftain o' the puddin-race!
Aboon them a' ye tak your place,
Painch, tripe, or thairm:
Weel are ye wordy of a grace
As lang's my arm.

2.
The groaning trencher there ye fill,
Your hudies like a distant hill,
Your pin wad help to mend a mill
In time o' need,
While thro' your pores the dews distil
Like amber bead.

3.
His knife see rustic Labour dight,
An' cut ye up wi' ready slight,
Trenching your gushing entrails bright,
Like onie ditch;
And then, O what a glorious sight,
Warm-reeking, rich!

4.
Then horn for horn, they stretch an' strive:
Deil tak the hindmost, on they drive,
Till a' their weel-swall'd kytes belyve
Are bent like drums;
Then auld Guidman, maist like to rive,
'Bethankit!' hums.

5.
Is there that owre his French ragout,
Or olio that wad staw a sow,
Or fricassee wad mak her spew
Wi perfect scunner,
Looks down wi' sneering, scornfu' view
On sic a dinner?

6.
Poor devil! see him owre his trash,
As fecl;ess as a wither'd rash,
His spindle shank a guid whip-lash,
His nieve a nit;
Tho' bluidy flood or field to dash,
O how unfit.

7.
But mark the Rustic, haggis-fed,
The trembling earth resounds his tread,
Clap in his walie nieve a blade,
He'll make it whistle;
An' legs, an' arms, an' heads will sned
Like taps o' thrissle.

8.
Ye pow'rs, wha mak mankind your care,
And dish them out their bill o' fare,
Auld Scotland wants nae skinking ware,
That jaups in luggies;
But if ye wish her gratfu' prayer,
Gie her a Haggis!

Another beautiful voice silenced

2010-01-20T23:42:00.002Z

Kate McGarrigle dead at 59. I first heard her, and her sister, at the Philly Folk Festival in '70 or '71. Enjoy her here with her incredibly talented children. The video is poor but the music extraordinary.

An object lesson?

2010-01-18T18:41:00.002Z

Last Wednesday, the 13th, was the 168th anniversary of an event that should, but probably will not, serve as a not so gentle reminder to both the US and the UK that Afghanistan is a place where empires go to die.

On the 6th of January 1842 roughly 4500 British soldiers and around 12,000 of their camp followers left Kabul with the intent of retreating to Hindustan. On 13 January, seven days later, one man, an Irish Doctor by the name of William Brydon arrived in Jalahalabad. No other survivors were ever recorded.

Perhaps we shall learn but I suspect we will not.

Happy birthday to me

2010-01-10T12:37:00.001Z

My New Year's resolution is to bring this blog back to life with two or three posts a week. We'll see how we do.

PS - today is my birthday and as I'm off on the piss today won't be the start.

Come the revolution

2009-05-01T00:01:00.000+01:00

HAPPY MAY DAY!

About this quantitive easing thing....

2009-04-30T10:02:00.002+01:00

...if HM's government has cranked up the printing presses how come one still can't find a reasonably new fiver for love nor money?

I'm just asking.

Note: I may or may not have spent several minutes trying to get a ticket machine to take an ancient and revered five pound note this morning before re-queuing for the machine that would actually take debit cards....

Because the internet is there to help...

2009-04-27T19:06:00.002+01:00

...Google Maps is happy to provide a H1N1 Swine Flu Map; although they do seem to have forgotten New Zealand.

Note to Israelis: this is also known as a Mexican Flu map so you don't have to mention the S***E!

I don't think the Mexicans are going to like this

2009-04-27T13:51:00.001+01:00

According to Israel's Deputy Health Minister Yakov Litzman, a member of fundamentalist United Torah Judaism party, no one in Israel we be allowed to contract or die of the Swine Flu. All Israeli citizens will have to contract or die of the lesser known "Mexican Flu" instead. Well at least this pandemic didn't happen during Passover!

Note: I can just imagine hordes of American wing nuts heaping scorn and worse on any Muslim who might have made the same declaration. I wait with bated breath....

Shooting fish in a barrel

2009-04-20T10:46:00.003+01:00

Over at Global Politician one Professor Barry Rubin tries to demonstrate his in depth knowledge of the Middle East by dissecting an argument made by a "young man" about that critical Middle Eastern country, Afghanistan; a country separated from the "Middle East" by hundreds of miles, if not more.

Perhaps there is a God....

2009-04-14T19:34:00.002+01:00

...as Newt Gingrich, serial divorcer and general scumbag, considers seeking the Republi-con Presidential nomination next time around. Should he run I confess I am conflicted as to whether Mr. Gingrich or Ms. Palin might do the party more damage. Perhaps she would settle for second fiddle again.

Going, going, gone

2009-04-13T20:43:00.001+01:00

The great Phillies broadcaster, Harry Kallas, is dead at 73.

Why do Americans hate America

2009-03-25T14:00:00.003Z

They want cap and trade, gays in the military and the end to the senseless embargo of Cuba. Thank God America's not a democracy or some of these terrible things might actually happen!

Isn't it ironic, don't you think?

2009-03-25T12:08:00.002Z

It certainly wasn't in the Alanis Morissette song but it certainly seems to be in real life. An assistant bank manager in Scotland has been jailed for a little over a year for stealing £31,000 from customer accounts. In today's environment this seems rather curious. Perhaps her real crime was stealing ONLY £31,000. Had she stolen £31,000,000 or better yet £31,000,000,000 she probably would have been made a Dame!

I guess that Carol Barclay will have to accept her fifteen minutes of fame coming from the fact that she will almost certainly be the only HBOS employee to be punished for stealing money from taxpayers.

The green shoots of recovery!

2009-03-24T22:56:00.002Z

There is a shoe shop in Bromley that has, for roughly the past 24 months, been advertising its "Going Out Of Business Sale". This evening on the way home I noticed that the large placards have been taken down and they are advertising their new "spring range"; possibly circa 2007.

Has anyone seen Rush Limbaugh?

2009-03-24T11:57:00.001Z

Ten beached whales have been refloated off the west coast of Oz.

Sad, sad, sad

2009-03-23T12:51:00.002Z

Nicholas Hughes, the only son of the poets Ted Hughes and Sylvia Plath, has committed suicide in London. His mother famously committed suicide when Nicholas and his sister Freida were both infants.

All singing, all dancing!

2009-03-18T11:18:00.002Z

Should you be in Beijing soon you really must make an effort to see Das Kapital - The Musical. I shit you not.

They will be heroes

2009-03-18T10:54:00.001Z

Today is the 175th anniversary of the sentencing of the Tolpuddle Martyrs for having the temerity to form an insidious trade union. Thank God that can never happen today!

Strange enough to be true

2009-03-18T09:47:00.001Z

The Daily Mash imagines some advice from Il Papa to the residents of Africa on safe sex.

All hail Honkball

2009-03-12T12:18:00.002Z

The Dutch have beaten the Dominicans at baseball. No word if they might have slipped the Latino side a few space cakes before the match!

Murder Inc - "I'm a Big" Dick Cheney style

2009-03-12T11:37:00.000Z

Investigative reporter extraordinaire, Sy Hersh, tells us that former US Vice President "I'm a Big" Dick Cheney was running a hit squad out of his office. One can only hope that if America won't prosecute this scum bag, and lock him away for the rest of his (un)natural life, that he will eventually make the mistake of leaving the country and a true democracy will do it for us!

Nancy Reagan...

2009-03-10T10:45:00.000Z

...baby killer. Who'd have thunk it, eh?

BREAKING NEWS!!!!

2009-03-10T09:59:00.003Z

Noted American evangelist Billy Graham defines Christianity as a cult! I quote:

"One characteristic of cults is that they strongly believe they alone are right in their beliefs and everyone else is wrong"

I find the fact that he then goes on, in the very same paragraph, to suggest that this seemingly does not apply to Christianity ("thus they reject the central truths of the Bible that Christians have held in common for almost 2,000 years and substitute their own beliefs for the clear teaching of Scripture") I assume to be untended but hilarious irony!

Why the Pope and all his evil minions are going to Hell

2009-03-06T09:18:00.004Z

A nine year old Brazilian girl was raped and fell pregnant. She had an abortion on Wednesday. All of the medical staff who assisted in the termination are about to be ex-communicated for their part in this heinous act. The rapist however is undoubtedly still allowed to receive communion.

My day so far

2009-03-05T19:15:00.003Z

Before 0405 - wake up

0405 - look at clock and realise it is 0405

0425 - give up battle to return to sleep

0425 to 0630 - shower, eat, drink coffee, write emails, do some work

0630 - depart for Bromley South

0652 - arrive Bromley South - notice that ALL TRAINS are delayed or cancelled due to "very severe weather conditions in Kent" (this means it got a bit chilly last night)

0659 - my 0704 train to Ramsgate is cancelled but 0736 train to Canterbury West is listed as "on time"

0731 - 0736 train apparently goes missing and is listed as delayed

0736 - 0830 - wait outside the barriers, occasionally popping off for a double espresso, whilst getting buffeted around for 3,127 commuters who, despite the rucksacks strapped to their backs, the kit bags over their shoulder or their hand bags the size of Luxembourg, naively fail to realise that they take up more space their body without the luggage.

0831 - just before going through barriers hear the following announcement: "the train now standing on platform 1 is the 0614 Blackfriar's service.

0832 - share chuckle with woman standing next to me

0842 - board marginally delayed 0736 Canterbury West train

0944 - arrive Lenham where all evidence of "very severe weather" has magically vanished and it is a lovely sunny spring morning.

0958 - arrive work and warn colleagues that today is not a day to fuck with me.

0958 - 1718 - work (it doesn't go very well)

1908 - arrive at the Partridge and begin consuming London Pride. This will continue until morale improves (or chucking out time arrives)

I thought that you should know.

What is 8.426149773176359....

2009-03-03T09:25:00.001Z

...and the other joys of Square Root Day.

Hint: the answer is the 20th prime number.

Happy birthday Dr. Seuss

2009-03-02T22:20:00.003Z

He would have been 105 today. He is the source of many fond memories from my childhood!

They see them here, they see them there, they see them everywhere!

2009-03-02T13:57:00.002Z

Socialists. Socialists. Socialists. Socialists. Socialists. And I could go on and on and on but all of this reminds me of a song....

What a shame Bush 41 didn't do this to Bush 43 when he was a kid, eh?

2009-03-02T13:48:00.003Z

I can only imagine that there are hordes of right wingers out there in America scorning the fact that one Hugh Spencer didn't let his 13 year old son Evan play a violent World War II based video game until he had read the Geneva Conventions. Not only that he had to abide by them when he played undoubtedly meaning he never wins.

Meanwhile on this side of the Great Water...

2009-03-02T13:31:00.005Z

...those dangerous and evil lefties at the Guardian have hired some real scientists to write about real science once a week or so. Now surely that can't a good idea, can it?

I can hardly wait for Mad Mel to weigh in.

Only Jesus can save those Cheese Eating Surrender Monkeys now!

2009-03-02T12:34:00.002Z

Without further ado I direct you to PrayforFrance.org. One can never be certain these days but I don't think this is a piss take.

Come the revolution...

2009-03-02T12:03:00.003Z

Oh the hubris! A group of wealthy, probably obscenely rich, American is suing Swiss Bank UBS from turning over their names to the US Internal Revenue Service as part of an investigation of possible, one might say probable, tax evasion on the part of these unnamed Yanks.

The list grows longer; even if I have to leave their actual names off of it for the moment.

He's also not giving back Checkers

2009-02-27T13:02:00.003Z

Disgraced, but not impoverished, former RBS chairman "Alright! Said" Sir Fred Goodwin is refusing to return one red cent of the £16,000,000 pension pot he clearly didn't earn during his 10 year stint at the helm of the now foundering, if not grounded, bank.

This means that over the decade he "worked" at RBS the company put in roughly £133,000 a month; approximately the annual salary of about five of the bank's frontline workers. Should Sir Fred suddenly discover his honour, an admittedly unlikely event, and return his ill-gotten gain perhaps the bank could use the funds to keep about 600 of the 20,000 RBS workers about to get the sack in employment for an extra year. Or maybe not.

All right said Sir Fred

2009-02-26T16:11:00.001Z

I'm doing something wrong. I'm obviously not incompetent enough. This cunt works for ten years at RBS, drives into nationalisation and at the age of 50, younger than me, ends up with a £16,000,000+ pension pot returning him £650,000 a year!

"A spectre is haunting Europe..."

2009-02-24T09:24:00.003Z

Wingnuts beware. Today is the 161st anniversary of the publication of the Communist Manifesto. Undoubtedly that fifth columnist in the White House has some private secret celebration planned.

You will note that the good folks at The Spectator seem to have cropped the words "fifth columnist" from the article as written by pre-eminent right wing nut case Melanie Phillips but, once again, they have been found out by Google cache!

Come the revolution

2009-02-22T20:14:00.002Z

Ameica and the world may look to McDonalds corporation to provide tasteless and expensive meals oozing with saturated fat, sugar and salt but, in Little Rock AR at least, don't look for them to provide for their minimum wage employees as they have denied worker's compensation to former employee Nigel Haskett after he was shot by a patron who he ejected after he abused a women in the store. Apparently the job description doesn't stretch to human decency.

Today in "you gotta be fucking kidding me"

2009-02-16T19:17:00.002Z

Former British Premier St. Tony Blair has won a prestigious $1,000,000 dollar prize for global leadership. I am certain the fact that it is awarded by a university in Tel Aviv will do wonders for his status as an honest broker in the Middle East.

Well, at least we're fucking rid of him!

If Mick says it it must be true!

2009-02-12T10:28:00.002Z

Without actually explaining why radical Christian (but cuddly) Christian conservative Mick Huckabee claims that the American stimulus package is "anti-religious".

I assume he doesn't actually mean "anti-religious" but rather "anti-my-peculiar-brand-of-right-wing-fundamentalist-protestant-Christianity".

In praise of the great state of Arkansas

2009-02-12T10:23:00.001Z

As the state legislature brings new meaning to the old phrase "Praise the Lord and pass the ammunition"!

Dear Mr. Rodriguez

2009-02-10T15:55:00.003Z

I don't really care what you think as far as I am concerned cheating and drug abuse is far worse than stalking. Surely it's time you grew up.

And I certainly hope that you plan to personally reimburse every young man or woman, under the age of 18 say, who bought one of your shirts (or shoes or whatever), under the false pretense that you were playing by the rules. Perhaps someone should initiate a class action suit.

And he's not even a banker

2009-02-10T09:11:00.003Z

Chelsea FC have sacked Luiz Philipe Scolari and as reliable news source The Daily Mash notes he as once again displayed his tactical brilliance by banking £15,000,000 for a mere seven months work. I think his performance is superior to even that of those bastards are Merrill Lynch.

In praise of the efficiency of Michael Steele

2009-02-09T19:44:00.003Z

The new Republi-con National Chairman has managed, in one simple visit to George Stephanopoulos on a Sunday morning, to increase the US unemployment rate to somewhere about 25-30% as he brazenly announces that government jobs aren't jobs at all. I certainly hope that the good people of the great state of Maryland invoice this upstanding American for the somewhere around $500,000 he didn't earn as the Lieutenant Governor of Maryland as, after all, it wasn't a job.

He may be black but there is no doubt of his authenticity as a Republi-con, now is there?

Weather report

2009-02-09T19:24:00.002Z

You know those miserable, dark, torrential downpours lovers are always running through in old war films based in London? We've been having one all day and it's fucking miserable.

Come the revolution...

2009-02-09T16:48:00.003Z

I'm not sure what the point of this NY Times article is meant to be but I am absolutely certain that people who are making (well) in excess of $1,000,000 a year but have virtually no funds available at the end of their year, who are therefore living pay cheque to pay cheque, ARE INCAPABLE OF MANAGING THE PUBLIC'S MONEY and therefore we won't be needing them in their $3,000,000 or, if the President has his way, $500,000 a year jobs. I'm sure that they will enjoy their live on the dole.

A message to all Italian women (and Italian men with a conscience)

2009-02-09T12:08:00.003Z

I certainly hope that any of you who may have been so foolhardy as to vote for your current President, Silvio Berlusconi, will consider his comments as regards Eluana Englaro and demand his immediate resignation. Ms. Englaro has been in a vegetative state for over 16 years and her father has finally won a protracted court battle to allow her force feeding to be discontinued; thereby allowing his daughter to die with some dignity. Sr. Berlusconi has seen fit to pander to the Vatican, despite over 75% of the Italian population believing that she should be allowed to die, and has issued a fiat demanding that the order of the Italian Supreme Court not be honoured. The Italian President, Giorgio Napolitano, has refused to sign this imperial decree but Berlusconi is attempting to have the Italian Parliament ratify and nullify the court order.

However my outrage is not at Mr. Belusconi's blatant attempts to seize imperial power in Italy and go against the order of the court and the will of the electorate in order to placate Il Papa. My own position is in opposition to his. My outrage is at his comments to the effect that Ms. Englaro, despite having been in a coma for over 16 years, is "in the condition to have babies". Clearly any politician who holds the female citizens in such low esteem that he considers them little more than equipment for breeding deserves immediate retirement; and a shameful retirement at that.

I certainly hope that the women of Italy agree and see to it that he must leave his office; immediately and in disgrace.

So this would be the farce bit

2009-02-07T15:42:00.004Z

Karl Marx (am I allowed to say his name as an American?) once famously said that "history repeats itself, first as tragedy, second as farce".

With that reminder I bring you the news that not-Joe the non-plumber now seems to have a job as a non-adviser to the Republi-cons. It just doesn't get any better than this...

The land of the free....

2009-02-07T13:20:00.001Z

...except perhaps in Texas.

Jesus wants you to buy a Ford!

2009-02-07T13:10:00.001Z

Is this who the salesman is going to see when he says he has to talk over his offer with his manager?

Just not good enough

2009-02-07T12:31:00.002Z

Former ex-Roman Catholic Bishop Richard Williamson who denies that the holocaust occurred has "agreed" to examine the evidence to see if there just might have been a few Jews, gypsies, homosexuals or communists killed by the Nazis and their allies before and during the Second World War. It would seem that former ex-Bishop Williamson wants to give this effort due diligence and has indicated that this will take some time.

I can only assume that until he gets his finger out ex-Hitler Youth member his Holiness and sole representative of (at least one of may) God(s) on Earth Pope Benedict XVI will re-excommunicate the former ex-Bishop.

I wait with bated breath.

And grown men wept

2009-02-06T14:14:00.003Z

Presented without comment a poem written by an American soldier after he returned from Iraq and before he killed himself; submitted by his father. There's a link to more for those with the stomach for it.

Terrorist fifth columnists expose themselves in Washington

2009-02-05T15:10:00.004Z

US Representative Pete Sessions (Republicon-TX) admits that his party views the Taliban as role models.

If you're of certain age, like me, and...

2009-02-05T14:21:00.002Z

...grew up around Philadelphia you will probably watch this video and think Horn & Hardart. And you would be right.

Hey Gone-zo - don't throw your shoulder out

2009-02-05T13:27:00.003Z

Disgraced, and possibly still unemployed, former US Attorney General Alberto "Gone-zo" Gonzales has decided that he did a heck of a good job whilst running the US Justice Department AND repeatedly breaking the law. He better be careful; it is possible to do serious damage to yourself whilst patting yourself on the your back.

The end of an American dream

2009-02-05T12:56:00.003Z

World renowned football star David "Golden Balls" Beckham has announced that he fancies a move from third rate US "soccer" team the LA Galaxy to better known and, well, better AC Milan after his loving spouse Posh determines that the Milanese shopping is acceptable.

Ex-VP lauds effeciency of Obama administration

2009-02-05T12:50:00.003Z

Former VP "I'm a Big" Dick Cheney is effusive in his praise of the new Democratic administration as he claims that in a mere 15 days they have endangered all Americans and made it almost certain that Islamofacistragheadbrownpeople (and possibly Democrats) will attack America with a chaotic mix of nuclear weapons, anthrax and box cutters.

What a cunt. Now if he would only disappear quietly into the slime from which he emerged, eh.

Come the revolution...

2009-02-05T09:29:00.003Z

...one Mr. James F. Reda must surely be high on the list. Mr. Reda is an "executive pay consultant" and his reaction to the pay cap mooted by President Obama for those starving fat cats running taxpayer financed banks in the US is the following:

“That is pretty draconian — $500,000 is not a lot of money, particularly if there is no bonus”

Well if Mr. Reda smokes I will be happy to provide him with a last cigarette.

And if you think $500,000 per annum is "draconian" he ought to have a look at the pay packet of American living in the real world; assuming said American is getting a pay packet at all anymore.

I, for one, am not all that sympathetic

2009-02-03T15:33:00.003Z

In the middle of a recession a federal judge from Connecticut is resigning because he can't seem to get by on his salary of $169,300; an income that, without any additions and I'm sure he has some, puts him well within the top 5%. Of course, he is a Republican!

It must be God's fault!

2009-02-03T13:19:00.002Z

The Vatican has admitted to "management errors" in its decision to reinstate noted anti-Judaic Catholic priest Richard Williamson. And, given that God surely sits on the board of the Roman Catholic Church, surely She must be held to account.

In memorium

2009-02-03T01:00:00.000Z

Today is the 50th anniversary of the Day the Music Died.

Today in Schadenfreude

2009-01-29T12:14:00.002Z

The independent(?) and democratic(?) nation of Iraq has decided that it doesn't want Blackwater's mercenaries hanging about anymore. Who's going to guard the soldiers now?

A great man passes

2009-01-27T21:49:00.001Z

Fellow Pennsylvanian and chronicler of the Poconos (who didn't want to be Rabbit at least for a minute) John Updike has has died at the age of 76. No Nobel for him now.

Auntie's spectacular own goal

2009-01-26T21:45:00.002Z

By now I am certain that all of you are familiar with the unconscionable decision by the head of the BBC to refuse to air an appeal for donations to alleviate the suffering those in Gaza who are suffering in what is truly a humanitarian disaster. There are probably in excess of a half a million innocent civilians without water and power and certainly over a hundred thousand, probably more, who are without homes. The argument by BBC honchos is that they cannot seen to be taking sides in a political conflict; an argument that has never occurred to them before when they broadcast appeals for aid to Darfur and elsewhere.

There are at least two unanswered questions that demand a response;

As I write this I am listening to an interview on the BBC's own World Service between Mr. Thompson, head of the Beeb, and John Humphreys, one of Mr. Thompson's employees. Mr. Thompson admitted that there was incredible suffering in Gaza but that the BBC could not allow the appeal because the political situation is unsettled. Unfortunately the usually dogged Mr. Humphreys failed to follow up and demand an answer to the question why these hundreds of thousand of innocents are to be allowed to suffer because of politics.

The second, more dangerous question, that also must be answered is whether there was any contact between official Israeli government sources, official Hamas government sources or unofficial lobbyists on either side and any BBC officials before, during or after the time when this disgraceful decision was made.

I imagine that we will not know the answer to the later question for many years, if ever.

America's real entitlement problem

2009-01-26T15:56:00.005Z

The (not very) eminent bad comedian and worse columnist Ben Stein has penned a column that seems to ask us to feel sorry for those who shouldn't have any expectation that anyone should feel sorry for them; especially in a nation that prides itself on "hard work" and "self reliance" (whatever meaning either of them have in modern America). Whilst he eventually extols the virtues of "saving" he seems to miss the basic problem entirely, especially in the case of his first example.

His first sob story relates to a woman that he "has known since she was a teenager" without noting how long that may have been. Her terrible story is that she is living in a "house", and I use the word reservedly, on which she has a 2,200,000 USD interest only mortgage with payments of about 12,000 USD a month. She is scrapping by on 20,000 USD graciously provided by her ex-husband (10K in the form of child support and 10K in alimony). Fortunately she seems to have a sugar daddy of some sort who helps out by picking up the credit card bills and other incidentals that her additional 8,000 a month doesn't seem to cover. She has a bit of a shop that Mr. Stein seems to describe as a hobby rather than an enterprise. Suddenly because the value of her "house" is falling and her alimony is running out she is suddenly worried about money. I don't know how long she has been sucking at the entitlement teat but she has clearly, for reasons not entirely clear, been living well beyond her means.

There are currently, and there will be many more, tragic victims of the economic crisis in America and across the world. This woman is clearly not one of them. I don't mean to sound hard and unfeeling but is there any other option in this case?

Mr. Stein's other worry seems to be case of his handsome, if irresponsible, son who seems to have gone and got himself married even though his only means of support seems to be his father.

I haven't even crocodile tears for these Americans who seem to feel that not only does America owe them a living (without working or working very hard) but it owes them a living and a lifestyle that very, very few of the planet's 6,000,000,000 human being can even dream of.

Come the revolution!

Meanwhile in cloud cuckoo land...

2009-01-26T12:19:00.000Z

...we find lunatics making the case for privatising the issuance of currency.

Well this should resolve the Newton v Leibniz controversy once and for all!

2009-01-26T11:32:00.003Z

An obscure prayer book auctioned off in London ten years ago would seem to indicate that Archimedes had discovered the core tenets of the Calculus over 2000 years ago. This news would have been discovered sooner if some medieval monk hadn't rubbed out most of the maths and scribbled prayers over it. It is not yet known whether said monk was indeed an ancestor of former American president George W. Bush.

Surely this must be covered by Intelligent Design!

2009-01-26T11:10:00.001Z

These evolving sing robots developed by a researcher at Britain's University of Plymouth are just too cool!