Bobo has a bad day!

Boris Johnson has had bad days before. Boris Johnson will have bad days again. Yesterday just happened to be one of them.

Let's recap:

Boris on school lunches -"If I was in charge I would get rid of Jamie Oliver and tell people to eat what they like." He said: "Mothers have been driven to pushing pies through fences. The solution is not to provide healthy stuff." His leader had praised Jamie Oliver's campaign for healthy lunches in his speech.

Boris on children's car seats: They're "utterly demented." "When I was growing up we all bounced around like peas in a rattle - did it do us any harm?"

Boris on Scots: "As a Scot, Gordon Brown will find it hard to convince people in England he should be prime minister."

Boris on multiculturalism: "Supposing Tower Hamlets or parts of Bradford were to become governed by religious zealots believing in that system. Are we ready for complete autonomy if it means sharia law? I believe we should make people feel more British first, before encouraging more balkanisation and multiculturalism."

And this was just one day in the life of the MP for Henley-on-Thames.

In case anyone has forgotten any of his earlier hits:

Boris on Papua-New Guinea: a land of "orgies of cannibalism and chief-killing".

Boris on Liverpool: they are "wallowing in disproportionate grief".

I know there's more but I haven't time to go look them up.

Will they open bank note exchanges?

Planning a little early snow for the weekend? Taking advantage of falling prices in a buyer's market? You may want to think again or at least tread more carefully.

The latest health warning concerns the potential to contract hepatitis C when using shared banknotes whilst enjoying a little cocaine.

Charles Gore, the head of the Hepatitis C Trust in the UK tells us:

"5,000 banknotes were tested in London [in 2000], 99 per cent of them had traces of cocaine on them. That tells us that there is potentially a massive problem in diagnosis and people's awareness of how easily hepatitis C can be contracted. "We are concerned that if more is not done to alert people to the dangers of sharing, then what is already a big problem risks being turned into a health time bomb."

Has anyone rung Kate Moss?

How does this work exactly?

This adopt-a-zygote thing. I know Bush is all for it because he's done photo ops.

Now they're giving away Federal money, money that could be given back to rich people instead, to promote embryo adoption.

I have so many questions.

• Do they come with a limited edition petri dish?
• Can you chose the sex?
• Can you chose the eye colour?
• Can you chose the race? (That's a loaded one.)
• Can you select for the gay gene or the absence thereof?
• How about the god gene?
• Do you have to be married?
• Do you have to be Christian?
• Can gay couples apply? (Whoops. Another loaded one.)
• Will there be a test?

All kidding aside I'll be in favour of spending government money on this right after they sort out the infant mortality rate. The US is behind Aruba for christ's sake! Did I forget to mention child poverty? And what about theliteracy rate. Did I mention that?? And health care. What about that?? And.......sorry. I'll just go off for a little quiet time shall I?

It must be autumn...

...because there's conkers everywhere. But they're still selling Kent strawberries in the market. WTF?

Overheard in a pub in Richmond

About a week and half ago I was in Richmond on a glorious sunny autumn afternoon. We were in a pub for lunch. The table next to us was four young women, probably students. One was American and they were discussing her stay in Britain which she seems to have enjoyed. (I wasn't eavesdropping - the tables were jammed together and they were loud.) However towards the end of the conversation I overheard the following:

"I really like England. I've had a great time here but one thing I didn't expect was that so many places would be named after towns back home."

"Really. Which towns?"

"Lots. Like Mancester and Oxford."

Stunned silence.....

Surf's up!

A severe storm off Alaska last year created waves that travelled over 8000 miles and still had sufficient power to destroy a giant iceberg off Antarctica according to a recently released study.

Global warmer deniers look away now!

I quote Douglas MacAyeal, one of the study's authors:

"One of the things we're debating in the world right now is whether global warming might increase the storminess in the oceans. The question we then pose is: Could global storminess have an influence on the Antarctic ice sheet that had never been thought of?"

An(other) American Tragedy

This tragedy occurred not that far from where I grew up. Five young Amish girls and the shooter himself are now dead. Whether or not the fact that it was an Amish school factored in the killer's motive is unknown. Irrespective of that it is especially poignant that these are people who for the last 200 years have sought isolations from the encroachments of the modern world.

It may have happened because a disturbed man was unable or unwilling to get help.

It may have happened because said disturbed man lived in a culture infected with a virus of readily obtainable weapons.

Of course there are those who are convinced that the answer is more and better guns. It takes all kinds I guess.

Gambling on America

I'm not saying they had anything to do with it. The Republicans in Congress passed the bill prohibiting US banks from processing payments to on line gambling sites as a sop to the religious right ("Quick. If we pass this maybe they won't notice one of us is gay!") and, to a lesser extent, to big business. Nonetheless one has to think organised crime is smiling this morning dreaming about all the money flowing back into corner taprooms, newsagents and taxi firms. Do think they vote?

Department of what they really meant

The CEO of BAA, the main UK airport operator, is today reported to have said that an airport green tax "will damage the economy".

After translation we find that he actually said: an airport greent tax "will damage BAA"!

Opinions seem to differ

Decisions have been made about the future of Icann which controls internet domain names. Some say the US keeps control. Others says US relaxes its grip or that the EU is pleased.

Whatever the case maybe it is clear that the US has eased up a bit on its stranglehold on the control of domain names. This can only be a good thing.

And I learn something everyday. I should have known it was the Bushies that threw the spanner in the works re the creation of .xxx domains. He was probably afraid that he'd stumble on a www.bushtwins.xxx site someday.

US current account deficit

Yesterday I discussed the issue of American current account deficits and the long term impact on the global economy. In today's New York Times Joseph Stiglitz weighs in somewhat more optimistically. His view - broken but fixable.

I remain to be convinced that the will to fix it exists.

The moon is made of green cheese!

I stumbled on a rather belated obituary for the mathematician Martin Löb today. He died in August at the age of 85. He taught at Universities in Britain and the Netherlands and is probably best known for the Löb theorem. It is sort of a mutant offspring of Gödel's Incompleteness Theorem of 1931, dealt with self-referential statements which asserted that they were not provable but true. Löb's theorem deals with statements that are provable but false, again relying on self-reference. His most famous, non-mathematical statement relevant to his theorem is:

if this sentence is true then the moon is made of green cheese.

Hmmm. I don't remember tasting blue cheese in Moon Pies!

Why are detainees in Guantánamo less human than Hermann Goering?

The answer is that they aren't.

So why do we treat them that way? I can't answer that. I suspect no one can convincingly answer that. Certainly, to date, no one has.

I recommend you all go read this. It is short piece by a Jewish American WWII veteran and his experience at Goering's public trial (remember them?).

Just read it.

"I'm just popping out to Ikea darling. I need to pick up an Apache and some RPGs!"

£561 billion (1,058 billion USD)

£37 billion (70.5 billion USD)

Which is the value of the world's arms trade and which is the world's aid budget? Think carefully you only get two guesses!

The financial value of the world's dirtiest business (and there is great contention for that title), the arms trade, is expected to set a net record this year, exceeding cold war spending according to a report in the Guardian. The report also notes that western firms are increasingly resorting to "flat pack" methods of supplying components, rather than completed weapons, to avoid embargos and other restrictions.


The trade is dominated by western firms with the US, the UK, France and Germany making up four of the top five. Rounding out the top five is Russia. The five permanent members of the security council, ostensibly the world's peackeepers (hah!), account for over 80% of the turnover. This business in death is a grave and global concern that must be addressed. Today in a letter to the Times fourteen religious leaders from all faiths call for the passage of an international treaty regulating the trade currently under discussion.

But when there's billions to be made....tough choice.

Welcome to the long goodbye*

Tony Blair's grand farewell tour has begun. He is providing us with the opportunity to wrap Him up in our love and gratefullness for all He has done for us. Where does this tour begin you may ask. The answer is, of course, Blue Peter. This gives Him a shot at ensuring His legacy remains untainted with a generation that have no idea who He is as yet.

Covering such topics as his favourite meal (spaghetti bolognaise), what is his pet name for 10 Downing Street (the Tardis) and has George Bush been to number 10 (I don't know) the show demonstrates the Prime Minister's ability to handle the difficult interview.

It is rumoured that for His next appearance He will be doing panto in Blackpool at Christmas. The part of the Twidow Wankey, er, the Widow Twankey has been suggested.

*Apologies to Raymond Chandler

Befürchtenstrasse

Last night I was thinking about fear. I wasn't particularly afraid of anything and I don't know what caused this particular subject to pop into my head.

It caused me to think about the state of fear that is being stirred up by western governments. Obviously the US government is the worst offender but the UK government, and others, are guilty as well. It caused me to think about the state of fear that I experienced as a child, about what is different today and what relatively is unchanged.

It is a facet of modern life that the childhood of each generation has at least one specific experience of real or manufactured fear that defines, in part, their experience of childhood, adolescence and young adulthood. Innocence dies young these days.

I was too young for the fear of the fifties. The John Birch society fear. The Commie behind every door fear. The fluoride in water is poison fear. The Joe McCarthy fear.

I do have fairly strong memories of the fear of nuclear annihilation that was about in the early 60s. I was in the second grade during the Cuban missile crisis in 1962. I remember the bomb drills. (They taught us to hide under the desk.) I remember the black and yellow signs directing you to the fallout shelter (aka the basement). I remember the air raid siren they used to test about once every three months. I remember someone (a parent, a teacher) explaining this by telling me that there were people called Russians who wanted to destroy us. No explanation of who the Russians were. (I remember being confused because I couldn't find Russia on my globe. No one bothered to explain the relationship between the country called the USSR and the place called Russia.) No one ever explained why these Russians wanted to kill us, why they wanted to destroy our country or our way of life. I knew they looked different than we did (largely in the form of unusual hats) and they lived where it was always cold. They had un-American names. They were not like us.

My elementary school was in the Pennsylvania countryside. It was an old red brick pile built early in the 1900s perched on the edge of a village that was slowly dying. There was a nineteenth century church with a crumbling graveyard down the road. Next door there were sheds that housed the big yellow school buses. Next to that was the volunteer fire house that housed the air raid signal that would inform us we were about to become radioactive dust. In the spring time you could hear the cows lowing in the fields and smell the shit.

I couldn't understand what there was about the countryside that made someone far away want to destroy it. Why would they want to incinerate the church, the graveyard, the yellow buses, the fire house, the school, the cows? I haven't thought about any of this for many a year. Even in my radical years I don't recollect this influencing me consciously. Certainly these early experiences affected me in ways I am unable to define. They will have, in some small or large way, altered the fabric of my life.

Today there are children that are learning a new fear. A fear of "terror". A fear of fear. Who are they taught to fear? The word is terrorist. The (usually) unspoken definition conjures up wild eyed, brown skinned men with extravagant beards and un-American names. They worship a different and a savage god. They want to kill us. They want to destroy our way of life. They are jealous of our success and our wealth. They are not civilised. They are not Americans. They are not British. They are not like us.

The differences between the experience of today's children and that of those of my generation are several.

The most prominent of these is this. When I was young there WAS an enemy with the power to destroy us, and along with us, the world. There were times when it seeming possible, even likely, that the horrible weapons we and they had developed might be unleashed. 1962 may have been the closest the world came. How it would have started and who would have been responsible is uncertain but it could have been us or them.

There is no enemy with that power today. Yes there are too many nuclear states but at the moment then are none that would seem like to start a war with the US. (The likelihood of nuclear war between some of these other nations is higher.) The enemy that our children are being taught to fear DOES NOT HAVE the capacity to wreak total destruction on the western world. It is highly unlikely that they will ever have that power. They do possess the tools and the will to kill some of us, thousands at a time. They have exercised this power already and will again.

So why are the young of today (and everyone else for that matter) being encouraged to cultivate this fear? Fear leads to hate. Hate leads to violence. Violence leads to fear.

There is no doubt that the world is more dangerous now than it has been for some time. Wariness, vigilance and caution is called for. Fear is not. I suspect that there are multiple motivations for encouraging this mindset among government, politicians and "leaders". The reaction to fear can take many forms. Most of these responses make us more complaint. They make us easier to manipulate. They make us more likely to trust and believe. They make us sheep.

We have to resist those who tell us to be afraid. We have to fight back against those who respond to the fear that is encouraged in them by their "leader". We have to say "enough" when they see a terrorist in every Asian man. We have to say "I will not" when they tell us that we must allow the abuse of a few (meaning thousands) who are different from us. We have to be stronger than our governments wish us to be. We need to stand up and not be cowed. We need to exercise the freedom that wish to take from us.

We need to explain to the young the difference between vigilance and fear and why it is important. We need to explain to them that there are indeed men and women in the world who are dangerous and against whom we much be on our guard. We need to explain to them that they cannot be identified by the colour of their skin, by their names, by their religion or their passport. We need to explain to them that that to change the world, to make it safer and better, will require as many changes in our (the west's) behaviour and attitudes as in the behaviour and attitudes of others. That is how the war on terror will be won.

There is a time that we must stand up for what is good and right about the countries in which we live or that goodness and rightness will be lost. That time is now.

What would they say to sex WITH gadgets?

One in three British men would chose gadgets over beer or sex according to a new survey.

Curiously the research was co-sponsered by Virgin Mobile.

When did newspapers get a sexual orientation?

According to a news release from the Concerned Women for America (I'm sure I'd join if I could just be a woman!) tells us, and I quote, that "most nonhomosexual newspapers did not pursue the story".

I'm not sure what they are attempting to suggest; that if it hadn't been for the naughty boys at "the homosexual newspaper Washington Blade" that none of this would have come out.

From the same release we have "FOX-TV’s Bill O’Reilly of The O’Reilly Factor interviewed two homosexual activists Tuesday night, and tweaked them for going along with Foley’s evasions". Does this mean that there is film out there of O'Reilly tweaking homosexuals? Does he use a loofah? Oh happy day!

Meanwhile over at Alicublog, (who spends so much time reading what the wing nuts are up to that I worry) there's coverage of the curious reaction on the right side of the blogsphere to Mr. Foley's indiscretions. I'm surprised they haven't blamed Clinton yet. Or did they and I missed it?

If it's a girl it's got to be Maggie!

"I'm not going to close off the office just yet. We've got one more in the pipeline. We're going to attempt one next year and then I shall put the old typewriter away." - 61 year old one man population explosion Rod Stewart speaking in code about his future procreational plans.


You call yours a typewriter Rod? I call mine a...well nevermind what I call mine. Don't you think it's about time to pack it in. Your oldest kid is 42 for Christsake!

Is this what the future holds?

Today the economics editor from the Guardian speculates on the long term outlook for the US economy. In his eyes, it ain't good. He opens with a bit of a fantasy:

"It's 2056. After a coup in Saudi Arabia, the new government announces it is cutting off supplies of its dwindling stock of oil to the United States. The White House responds by sending in the troops, but is forced to withdraw after Beijing says it will only continue shoring up the dollar if the military action is called off."

He goes on to defend his thinking as possible, even if the exact scenario is improbable.

He foresees US growth falling to perhaps only 1% in 2007 with a predictable material rise in unemployment. He points out that the trend of borrowing against rising house values is unsustainable.

He counters those who believe that the US can run huge trade defecits ad nauseum, based on the US dollar being the world's reserve currency, by pointing out that no currency has, or can, remain in ascendancy forever. He notes that in the period when the pound sterling was the currency of the day that the UK did not run habitually run current account deficits and yet still had to struggle when the pound fell out of favour.

He anticipates that US dollar will lose it's status before 2050, perhaps well before and that when the creditor's come knocking it will be the renminbi or the rupee that will have taken its place.

What will America, and indeed the rest of the western world, have to offer the world then. The manufacturing base will have been completely eroded by then. Will Chinese concerns begin building factories in Phoenix or Indian banks set up call centres in Birmingham?

I'm not saying it will happen but we need to consider the possiblity that it could.

(Hmm, Microsoft's spell checker doesn't recognise renminbi. That'll change for sure!)

He may be an arrogant twat

Correction. He is an arrogant twat. But one hell of a racing car driver and, it seems, a very generous man,

Michael Schumacher was the largest single donor to tsunami relief and his charitable contributions totalled around 50 million USD in the last four years.

A hat tip (but he's still an arrogant twat!).

It's a good time to be on top

If corporate executives are supposed to rewarded based on improvements to shareholder values why are boardroom salaries rising twice as fast as share prices? Could it be because executive pay is largely determined by a cozy insiders network? Could it be because a handful of pension funds and mutual funds own such a large percentage of equities that THEIR executives and boards are the only ones who have the power to effect change?

The pay of top executives in the UK rose 28% in the last year. Now that's inflationary isn't it? Should the chancellor act? In the years preceding 2005 the increases were 16%, 13% and 23% respectively. That's a cumulative increase of over 100% in 4 years! Nice work.

Last year share prices rose only 15%.

The average worker saw about 3.7%.

What can be done to arrest this runaway train? Shareholder revolts will only work if the large funds are on board and the reform is structural.

I guess he doesn't believe in coitus interruptus

According to Bob Woodward President Bush told Republican leaders "I will not withdraw even if Laura and Barney are the only ones supporting me."

So, assuming he's not going to listen, at what point will it be acceptable to stage a coup? When 180 million Americans say the time has come? 200 million? 250 million? All 300 million except the Mrs. and the dog? What if the Bushie twins say pull out? What if Cheney says pull out? (Sorry - I got delusional there.)

Why am I hearing Jefferson Airplane in my head? Acid flashback maybe?

Tear down the walls
Tear down the walls
Tear down the walls
Won't you try

Rocky Mountain Oysters

I've never eaten them. I don't intend to start now. For those of you who don't know Rocky Mountain oysters aren't seafood. They're the difference between a bull and a steer. If that doesn't help you feel free to eat away!

For aficionados of this unusual treat there was sad news recently. Bruce Ruth, who started serving the "oysters" at Bruce's Bar in Severance Colorado 50 years or more ago, died at the age of 73 in August. I apologise for the delay but the news just made it across the big water.

I wonder what they severed, er, served at the wake?

Posh makes sense!

No matter how uneducated, unintelligent or inane a given individual is you know it's only a matter of time before they say something with which, against your better judgement, you are forced to agree.

That moment has come for Victoria "Posh Spice" Beckham and me. Mrs. Beckham is, as most of you know, the emaciated, sunken faced, former pop "star" wife of footballer and galictico David Beckham.

I quote Mrs. Beckham speaking about herself and her husband:

"When David and I look at Posh and Becks in the papers we think, we bloody hate those two."

Couldn't agree more Vickie!

Traveling whilst Asian (with a twist)

It's difficult to keep up with all the stories about air travellers being harassed or forced off of flights because of their Asian appearance. It is usually based on complaints from other passengers who suggest that they will refuse to fly with the offending individuals on the flight. (Why the airlines don't take the obvious step of saying "see ya" to those complaining I don't understand.)

There are two unusual features to this story:

1. The passenger with suspicious features, architect Seth Stein, is Jewish.
2. The passenger who essentially assaulted Mr. Stein, "restraining him and searching his pockets", claimed to be a New York police officer. It turns out the New York policeman with the name he used retired 25 years ago. "Officials have told the architect that his assailant may work for another law enforcement agency but have refused to say which one."

Mr. Stein's crime? He had an Ipod, he used the toilet and his tan "mad him look Arab".

Freedom marches on!

Will these mean no Golden Bears for Tom or John?

The German authorities are poised to crack down on the "Church" of Scientology. While it is permitted to operate in Germany relationships with the German government have always been tense. The government does not grant it tax exempt status and treats it as a business or a cult. In a new move the Berlin government has told the police investigate the movement's use of after school tutoring programmes. Educations have issued warnings to schools relating to the use of these tutoring programmes as a means to indoctrinate children.

Once again demonstrating that the US is a force for good everywhere the American embassy has lobbied "the German government on the sect's behalf".

I guess Messrs. Cruise and Travolta have crossed the Berlin film festival off their schedules then.

Bullies 'R US

Do as we say or else! That seems to be the American message to anyone who doesn't do their bidding. No discussion. No room for alternate approaches. Nada.

It now emerges that US forced the hand of MI5 and the British security forces in their handling of the investigation into the alleged airplane suicide bomb plot. The Observer reports the US told the British that they were going to seize Rashid Rauf, a British citizen, who was the main suspect in the plot that was seemingly foiled in August and remove him to an undisclosed location for "interrogation" unless the British acted immediately. The British were concerned that "it could prompt terrorist cells in the UK working on separate plots to bring forward their plans or go underground....Britain wanted more time to monitor Rauf, but the US was adamant that Rauf should be arrested immediately."

Shortly after the American threat was made ISI, the Pakistani intelligence service, arrested Rauf forcing the authorities in the UK to act, probably prematurely.

If this is how the US treats its best friend, and Britain is still clearly that, how do others get handled? How long until there is a backlash against this adolescent behaviour?

Shades of Reykjavik

In 1972 when I was still a young lad and still playing chess with some regularity a memorable world championship match between the Soviet champion Boris Spassky and American wunderkind Bobby Fischer took place in Iceland. The combination of a chess match as a surrogate for war between the two world superpowers and Fischer's extremely bizarre behaviour widened the audience that would normally follow championship chess. Fischer's extraordinary demeanour, perhaps bordering on psychological instability, included allegedly having all his tooth fillings removed. He believed the KGB had somehow bugged them.

Now in the match that is supposed to reunify the world championship, which has been split between rival federations for over a decade, we have more strange behaviour. The match, between a Russian, Vladimir Kramnik, and a Bulgarian, Veselin Topalovis, is taking place in Kalmykia a little known Russian republic.

The current controversy is over the supposed excessive use of a private toilet during play. The match, now inevitably known as "Toiletgate", is currently under suspension as officials attempt to resolve the dispute.

Note: anyone who believes that Bobby Fischer has cleaned up his act since his chess playing days is obviously misinformed.

America v. the world

One doesn’t often find penetrating social commentary in the sports pages but every so often there's something worth repeating. From the pages of the Observer Sports Monthly comes a quote from an article about the Ryder cup and specifically about American supporters:

"And they began to look a little lost. If you never travel outside America, you never find yourself in a minority among non-Americans and you have no inkling of what people might think of your country. Discovering this must be unsettling."