A constitution for NHS?`

Oh come on Tony. I know you're trying to look interested and engaged in your final year but is this really a priority? In isolation it's not such a bad idea but, guess what, I have a better one.

How about a written constitution for the bloody country first? I always hear politicans droning on about the British constitution but when I ask about it no one's ever been able to show it to me. Isn't this a bit of a shortcoming for a so called constitutional monarchy?

So, just for you Tony, here are a few suggestions as to what it might cover:

• The basic rules of governement including the responsibilities and the limits of the Parliament, the judiciary and the head of state.
• The methods of selection for the Parliment, the judiciary and the head of state. (Would I be tipping my hand if I suggested that my preference for the later role wouldn't be besed on bloodline?*) You can think of this as an opportunity to replace the current upper house (which you've been promising but not delivering) with something remotely democratic.
• The methods for removal of any of the above.
• A definition of the rules under which a government may go to war including when and where parlimentary approval is required.
• A bill of rights. The basic, involiable rights of citizens and residents. These should include life, freedom of speech and assembly, freedom of religion (including from religion - so dump the Church of England while you're at it), a right to privicy (from other citizens, corporations and the state), jury trial and explicit rules about double jeopardy, right to property and from unreasonble search and seizure, a right to counsel if accused, freedom from torture and inhuman treatment, a right to healthcare, a right to education and, most importantly, the right to vote. (Feel free to expand on these as you see fit!)
• The role of central government and the powers devolved to the regions (England, Northern Ireland, Scotland and Wales) and to local government councils.
• The definition of a citizen and the definition of the means of naturalisation.
• The means whereby the constititution would be adopted. This should be through a plebicite or referendum and should require something greater than a simple majority as well as a majority in all regions.
• The means by which the constititution may be amended. This should be through a plebicite or referendum and should require something greater than a simple majority as well as a majority in all regions.

There. That wasn't so difficult was it? Just think what this will mean to your legacy! What a gift to the country!

*Note: if you ditch the monarch you'll need to come up with a new name for the country. The United Kingdom of Great Britain and Northern Ireland is a bit of a mouthful anyway. I think having a call in show on BBC 1 would be a good idea. You could co-host with Ann Robinson and Prince Charles. The public phone in suggestions at 50P a call. (Gordon will like that.) You pick the 10 best then you have a week of shows a la Big Brother and vote one off a night. For entertainment value you can have celebrity supporters of each potential name do silly stunts and challenges. (Ring Ant and Dec they may have some good ideas.) Think of the fun. I'm sure Cherie and the kids will want to be involved as well.