Unfortunately looters will not be shot on sight

Wachovia Corporation which has seen losses of over $30,000,000,000 in the last half of a year and is fleeing to the hopefully safe arms of Wells Fargo in a "merger" that was forced upon it by its dire financial position looks set to award $98,000,000 in platinum parachutes to its top ten executives should the merger go through.

The first person to say that they "earned it" gets waterboarded.

Attention American "conservatives"

Progressive taxation is not income redistribution. This gift of of nearly $150,000,000,000 to America's banks IS income redistribution.

Just taking the piss

The Royal Bank of Scotland was gracious enough to accept £20,000,000,000 of taxpayer money to refill the coffers but that won't stop them from shelling out huge amounts of dosh in the form of discretionary bonuses to their (dis)investment bankers who were largely responsible for the emptying of the coffers in the first place. Kudos to Vince Cable of the Lib Dems for calling them on it!

The economic climate sucks for almost everyone...

...but not everyone. 3rd quarter earnings are being announced in the energy sector and if you're Valero Energy (42% year on year), Murphy Oil (+190% year on year), Marathon Oil (+102% year on year) or Occidental Petroleum (+72% year on year) things are pretty good indeed. There there's Royal Dutch Shell, whose profit rose 71% to $10,900,000,000 for the quarter (or about $120,000,000 a day); British Petroleum whose profits rose 148% to $11,500,000,000 for the quarter (about $126,000,000 a day); and of course my old employer Exxon whose profits rose a mere 58% to $14,800,000,000 ($163,000,000 a day) to shatter its own quarterly profits record.

Life is good, eh?

Today in Schadenfreude

Don't everyone weep at once. On the German markets hedge funds, described by some as "asset-stripping locusts", bet on VW stock falling last week but were caught out by the announcement the Porsche was taking over and had cornered about 75% of its much larger rival. Suddenly these funds faced ruin as they were bidding against each other for the remaining 5% of shares (about 20% are owned by the German state of Lower Saxony) and the price soared to in excess of €1000, four times the price last week. According to this article from The Guardian "some fund managers were reportedly in tears as they realised the scale of their losses". I am trying very, very hard to be sympathetic to their terrible predicament but am failing miserably. Does this make me less of a decent human being?

Meanwhile in Cloud Cuckoo Land

The American Taxpayer is poised to pour $700,000,000,000 or more into the country's failing banking industry but the news of the failure of the banking industry hasn't yet reached the payroll departments of said banks as somewhere around 10% of that money is going to be immediately siphoned off into the bank accounts (probably off shore) of the banks' top staff. Money well spent I'd say.

Of course before we get to high and mighty about this on my side of the Big Water we should probably note that the bonuses are still bubbling up in The City.

I think I gotta get me one of these "jobs".

It must have been all that free checking

The US Federal Bureau of Investigation is having a wee look at now defunct Washington Mutual.

Come the revoluition...

...these cunts are first up against the wall (and I mean that)!

From the department for hubristic cojones

Lloyds TSB Bank may yet scupper the British bail out deal as it negotiates for easier repayment terms for the tax payer money it is begging for. I am certain that there are tens of thousands of Lloyds TSB customers out there who are eager to share their pleasant and satisfying experiences in obtaining "easier repayment terms" on their mortgages, credit cards and overdrafts. Right?

Somehow this seems appropriate

I stumbled on this quote from Lily Tomlin the other day:

"The trouble with the rat race is that even if you win, you're still a rat."

Somehow it seems right in the current economic climate and we shouldn't forget this about the few that will come out of this on top.

I love Ms. Tomlin but I've still never really forgiven her for this unprovoked attack on Philadelphia some 30 odd years ago.

It must have been all that free checking

Washington Mutual has slipped into bankruptcy after the sale of its banking operations to JP Morgan with the potential loss of thousands of jobs. But at least one ex-employee won't risk financial disaster; the CEO of the failed institution Alan Fishman stands to get $13 million in severance after roughly two months on the job. Heartwarming.

1,000 reasons John McCain shouldn't be President

Number 88: not so deep down he's really a socialist! Someone has best tell Ms. Palin - I'm sure she wouldn't want to go on seeking the Vice-Presidency with such a seditious running mate.

Come the revoluition...

...these three must surely be on the short list for first against the wall; especially if they ever have the temerity to suggest that they've "earned" this obscene amount of money for virtually no work.

Lehman we hardly knew ye!

Or how to go from boom (2006) to bust (2008) in two easy years. But don't worry I'm sure that CEO Richard Ruld will give back most of the $22.1 million he "earned" last year to make up the losses.

Tories accuse Labour of hate crime

Apparently the calls for a windfall profits tax on energy firms by (mostly not-so-New) Labour backbenchers is apparently just a reversion to good old "socialist hatred" of the stinking rich according to Alan Duncan the shadow business secretary and will not lead to "fair taxation". The Rt. Hon. Mr. Duncan doesn't go on to explain what he might mean by "fair taxation" but it doesn't take a great deal of imagination to guess.

So long to bad rubbish

British merchants of death BAE Systems, recently protected from prosecution for corrupt practices in the name of "national security" by our right wing Labour government, has now delivered an unveiled threat to quit the UK if military spending should ever fall below a "reasonable level". BAE's retiring CEO Mike Turner told the Financial Times that failure to give "the priority to defence that is needed" would mean that the UK would lose its "say in the world".

Nice, eh? Well personally I think you should just fuck off then. Perhaps you can find an empty office campus in Dubai next to that company so beloved of American Vice President and evil incarnate "I'm a Big" Dick Cheney, Halliburton.

You are what you eat...

...and you probably wouldn't want to be a Hot Pocket Pepperoni Pizza anyway so it's just as well that Nestlé Foods is "recalling approximately (sic) 215,660 pounds" of the tasty treats which you will note are reassuringly marked with the "USDA mark of inspection". Apparently Nestlé believes that these frozen convenience "foods" might contain unidentified "foreign materials".

Have a nice day!

Today in Schadenfreude

The LA Times reports that there might be some question as to whether Disney actually owns the copyright to Mickey Mouse.

Given penchant for the copyright infringement lawsuit (or threat of lawsuit) can this be too good to be true?

1,000 reasons John McCain shouldn't be President

Number 71: he is bought and paid for!

Hey - free oil!!! (This is not spam)

But only if you're an oil company and don't really need it!