Election 2010 - day 2 - the papers have more

Let's start out there to the right, shall we? The Daily Mail harrumphs its way through an article suggesting that almost all the jobs created in the past 12 years have gone to bloody foreigners! (Not sure if Scots are included....) Before anyone blames me by the way you should note that I arrived in 1993.

Meanwhile The Sun, which also features an article about those thieving foreigners, has let their readership vote on whether to bring back hanging. Surprisingly only 43% said "yes". Except additional polls soon about drawing and quartering (although the last one will probably confuse the average Sun reader as it involves maths).

Elsewhere the Torygraph continues to accuse El Gordo of waging war on business, possibly by refusing to give business absolutely everything that they want.

Surprisingly Rupert's Times commissioned a poll that tells us that the voters don't think Posh Boy is ready. (We needed a poll for this?)

The Indie reports that the founder of the pink Tories has announced that he is voting Labour. This might have something to do with old Tory bigotry and B&B's.

The Grauniad does some actual reporting and discovers that the Conservatives' adviser on the £12 billion in spending cuts they plan to make runs a health company that stands to gain from NHS cutbacks. If only there were some word to describe this sort of behaviour.

The Mirror followed Posh Boy to Bolton where he was not greeted with much love by the workers at a bakery. He is quoted as saying “the good news from your point of view is the first few times when I opened it, after having obeying every instruction, there just seemed to be a bit of mush at the bottom". It is not entirely clear if he was discussing the Tory manifesto or his experiences with a bread baking machine.

And, last but definitely not least, once again The Star says "Election? What election?" Tits still on page three.

Election 2010 - the papers speak!

The Daily Mail calls out Labour for declaring class war on Posh Boy. (Special bonus Richard Littlejohn edition: the Shadow Home Secretary may think that gay boys shouldn't stay at B&Bs but it's the damn lefties' fault. Mr. Littlejohn shall hereafter be known as the "Voice of Reason".

The Torygraph informs us that politicians lie. This is what passes as scintillating political analysis at the paper these days apparently.

The Indie hints that El Gordo is counting on a hung parliament and is already chatting up Nick Clegg.

Rupert's Times tells us that El Gordo has declared war on business and the source for this allegation is, of course, the Tory Party!

Rupert's other, less cerebral publication, the must esteemed Sun announces the arrival of D-Dave. As of yet no cape and his pants are still on the inside.

The Grauniad explores in some depth El Gordo's roots as a typical middle class nearly English working class Presbyterian Scot.

Last but not least The Daily Star metaphorically asks: "Election? What election? Tits on Page 3!"

So what are you doing on the 6th of May?

As predicted el Gordo may a quick trip round the palace this morning and has called a general election for four weeks time. Let the sliming and lying begin.

The race is likely to be amusing even if none of the candidates inspire.

Fasten your seat belts

Unless he surprises us the Prime Minister will set the date of the general election tomorrow and, against the odds, it seems it be a dog fight. The Tories remain their own worst enemies with Cameron nought but a cypher behind a smile, the baggage that is Lord Ashcroft and the fact that when you scratch these "New Tories" they're the same old thing not very far below the surface. It should be fun.

Getting juiced....

We've got an election coming, very soon, and it looks like it is going to be very interesting. I can hardly wait! Much better than election cycles that go on for years.

(Note to Americans: a hung parliament is not a reference to the size of the sexual organs of the male members.)

Today in Schadenfreude

Am I the only one enjoying the spectacle of the Tories trying to 'splain away the disgraceful situation surrounding Lord Ashcroft's noble and patriotic tax dodge? When Norman Tebbit has him in his sight;s these can't be happy days in Tory Central!

Double reverse irony

The British House of Lords has passed an amendment that will outlaw caste based discrimination in the workplace.

Isn't the House of Lords the ultimate exercise in caste based discrimination?

Now he was a Socialist!

Former Labour Party leader Michael Foot has died at the ripe old age of 96. He was a marvelous orator, a writer, a fervent opponent of nuclear weapons and a Plymouth Argyle supporter. And yes, he was a real Socialist. A true lion of the left.

He will be missed.

They will be heroes

Today is the 175th anniversary of the sentencing of the Tolpuddle Martyrs for having the temerity to form an insidious trade union. Thank God that can never happen today!

Elsewhere in good news...

...the unelected House of Lords has come to the aid of the British people by forcing Gordo to abandon his plans for 42 day detention without charge. One small step for freedom...

Then they're not worth saving

According to a poll conducted for The Independent only the return of St. Tony Blair as leader could save the Labour Party from defeat at the next election.

In that case "so long it's been good to know you" as far as I am concerned.

La plus plus ça change...

...plus c'est la même chose. Word has leaked out from Tory Central that, in true blue form, they plan to double the inheritance tax threshold from £1 million to £2 million. I wonder who, in this time of collapsing falling property values, is the intended constituency here? Surely not Tory party donors...

Given that I can't see how Labour can possibly win the next election this must be a shoe in.

Reprehensible

The US government is warning their good friends on Whitehall that disclosing any "secret" information about the alleged torture of British resident Binyam Mohamed before his illegal transfer to the Guantánamo Bay Beach and Leisure Resort, even if ordered to do so by the British High Court, will damage the security relationship between the two countries. Lawyers for Mohamed are insisting on access to all of the records of his detention and interrogation before being sent to Gitmo. The US has said it will make records available to the kangaroo courts in Cuba but not to Mohamed's legal team. Mohamed was held in Pakistan and Morocco, after be illegally "rendered" there by the US, and it is alleged that amongst other things he was tortured aggressively interrogated whilst (the weak of heart may wish to stop reading now) have his penis cut with a razor. MI5 is alleged to have participated in the abuse of Mr. Mohamed.

Tories accuse Labour of hate crime

Apparently the calls for a windfall profits tax on energy firms by (mostly not-so-New) Labour backbenchers is apparently just a reversion to good old "socialist hatred" of the stinking rich according to Alan Duncan the shadow business secretary and will not lead to "fair taxation". The Rt. Hon. Mr. Duncan doesn't go on to explain what he might mean by "fair taxation" but it doesn't take a great deal of imagination to guess.

"Because he'll be good for the piccaninnies!"

London's gaffe prone Tory Mayor has come out in support of Barrack Obama. I'm sure he'll fuck it up at some point.

La plus ça change...

...la plus c’est la même chose. Where there is blood money to be found usually one will find Tories lurking not too far away. This summer's edition comes to us courtesy of Zimbabwe.

"Psst. Hey buddy, wanna buy a Eurofighter?"

Eat our dust America!We're number one! The United Kingdom catapulted to the top of the world league table of merchants of death with a record £10 billion of overseas arm sales. And Britain is not picky either. The sales include weaponry destined for such beacons of freedom as Saudi Arabia, Israel, Colombia, China, and Russia.

Today in war crimes

Somehow I had always imagined that on the day that a Thatcher was named as a probable war criminal in a court of law, (even if the court is a dodgy one), that it would have been the mother and not the son. That said, Mark Thatcher is one irritating toss pot and I am certain he is guilty of something!

Topsy turvy world

An ostensibly left wing government, if only by American standards, has just pushed its draconian 42 day detention without charge bill through the lower house of Parliament. New Labour's probable replacement, the right wing Tories, plans not just to scrap the 42 day limit but to reduce the limit below the current 28 days! I knew I shouldn't have had the mushroom omelet for breakfast.

In which I praise a Tory

Shadow Home Secretary David Davis is resigning from the Conservative front bench and from Parliament over the passage of the government's 42 detention without charge bill. To quote the honourable (and I mean that) Mr. Davis:

"Up until yesterday I took the view that what we did in the House of Commons, representing our constituents was a noble endeavour because with centuries of forebears we defended the freedoms of the British people - well we did up until yesterday."

Are there any (probably not New) Labourites who wish to follow his example?