Jesus wants you to buy a Ford!

Is this who the salesman is going to see when he says he has to talk over his offer with his manager?

Jesus he's like so seventies man

Our Lord and Saviour along with his Mum have miraculously appeared in an Australian lava lamp. No word as to whether they were upside down.

Don't tread on him

A Las Vegas area woman has suddenly discovered an image of Jesus on a floor tile that she's had for eight years. Obviously this wasn't the tidiest kitchen in Nevada. It was on EBay for a while but has been temporarily withdrawn.

The headline of the day...

...comes to us from KRGV-TV, Newschannel 5, out of Weslaco TX and is presented without comment:

"Jesus Image Spotted in Church"

Either it's a miracle....

...or there's a water leak upstairs as Jesus "appears" on a ceiling tile.

Clearly I have no sense of imagination

Where folks in the Toronto suburb of Scarborough see an apparition of the virgin Mary in tree bark I only see a badly pruned tree.

Key quote from Christopher Moreau who is responsible for the miraculous sighting, which he first saw after cracking a beer in his back garden: "I am not a wacko".

In which I answer my own question

Yes, they are putting something in the water in America that they didn't when I lived there.

Do you usually take your saviour with ketchup, vinegar or mayonnaise?

Today's Friday madness is Jesus on (in? of?) a chip. Are they putting something in the water in America that they didn't when I lived there?

It's been a busy week for the Virgin Mary

She's appeared in some bark in Texas and cured a 77 year old woman (who needs single payer health care?) and still had time to be part of a double act in a Wal-Mart bag in Iowa with her son Jesus.

Coming soon to an Ebay near you...

Jesus in a door.

"I was just in shock, I couldn't believe Jesus was on my door" said Jeromy Douglas of Creve Coeur IL as he was setting up his Ebay account before heading out to church.

Does it look like Jesus? As usual, NO.

I'll bet Mum's a virgin and all!

Brace yourselves. A woman in Ohio has found Jesus in her uterus or at least in an ultrasound of her uterus. As usual I don't see it myself but obviously I haven't been praying hard enough. The nicest touch is that the child in question; there definitely is a child in there; is a girl!

How much is that saviour in the window?

Yet another alleged sighting of our Lord and Saviour Jesus; this time in a reflection in a window in Florida. I don't know about you but I see Lieutenant Commander Worf but then I probably did too many drugs when I was young.

A vision too far

A preacher in the great state of Texas seems to think that he has found Jesus in a bag of Cheetos. Have a look at the photo.

Does this food item resemble in any way our Lord and Saviour? No!

Does this food item resemble a penis with arms? Yes! Case settled.

Question: what do these people see when they take Rorschach tests?*

It's Easter and that means that a great and blessed miracle has caused the image of the Virgin Mary to appear on an egg, this time in Brownsville TX. Despite the assurances of Veronica Cervera that she plans to keep the holy relic expect to see it on EBay by April Fools' Day.

*Answer: Jesus, Jesus, Virgin Mary, Jesus, Jesus, doughnut, Jesus, Virgin Mary.

Better than the shroud of Turin!

Breaking news out of Florida. Firemen going through the ashes Cynthia Walker's destroyed home were amazed to find a "found a photo of Jesus tending sheep" and asked the 53 year old widow if they could keep it. A nearly 2000 year old photograph ought to be rather valuable I should think!

So impressed were they by this miracle no one seems to have thought to ask why God destroyed the woman's house in the first place.

What is God up to?

Why is She always hiding images of Jesus and the Virgin Mary in strange places like toast, pizza, logs or water heater lime scale? And while we are at it why are there never images of Moses, Joseph (any of them), Lot, Noah or Salome?

I don't know about you...

...but I think this looks more like Casper than Jesus.

Not to be out done by Pennsylvania...

...where Jesus has appeared in a tree, or not dependent on your point of view, Texas is now claiming its own Virgin Mary on a tree. The miracle was discovered by James Cardenas when he was having a fag outside. There is no information as to what it was James was smoking at the time.

Jesus in a tree!

Brought to you by the Keystone State. Key quote:

"One hundred grand, they got $28,000 for a grilled cheese sandwich...One hundred grand for a piece of beautiful New Jersey pine with a picture of Jesus Christ ascending to heaven."

Because that's why God put Jesus in a tree; to make money for Craig O'Connor.

Personally I think the sap stain looks like a woman in a hijab dancing. Maybe that's the message God is trying to send us - Jesus is now a Muslim woman! That should add new complexities to the Eternal Global War on Terra.

Wow - Jesus had one long body, didn't he?

At least if you think that this deformity inside a Colorado potato looks anything like Jesus he had one long body. Just thinking of all those spuds that I've eaten, which contained similar malformations that I failed to recognise as the son of God, makes me worry about where I am going to end up in the hereafter.

More mash anyone?