But where's the big mac?

It seems that over the past 1000 years or so the portion sizes in illustrations of the Last Supper have grown larger. Jesus remains skinny, not to mention curiously un-Jewish, because calories and partially-hydrogenated fats don't stick to God.

Strange enough to be true

The Daily Mash imagines some advice from Il Papa to the residents of Africa on safe sex.

BREAKING NEWS!!!!

Noted American evangelist Billy Graham defines Christianity as a cult! I quote:

"One characteristic of cults is that they strongly believe they alone are right in their beliefs and everyone else is wrong"

I find the fact that he then goes on, in the very same paragraph, to suggest that this seemingly does not apply to Christianity ("thus they reject the central truths of the Bible that Christians have held in common for almost 2,000 years and substitute their own beliefs for the clear teaching of Scripture") I assume to be untended but hilarious irony!

Why the Pope and all his evil minions are going to Hell

A nine year old Brazilian girl was raped and fell pregnant. She had an abortion on Wednesday. All of the medical staff who assisted in the termination are about to be ex-communicated for their part in this heinous act. The rapist however is undoubtedly still allowed to receive communion.

Only Jesus can save those Cheese Eating Surrender Monkeys now!

Without further ado I direct you to PrayforFrance.org. One can never be certain these days but I don't think this is a piss take.

If Mick says it it must be true!

Without actually explaining why radical Christian (but cuddly) Christian conservative Mick Huckabee claims that the American stimulus package is "anti-religious".

I assume he doesn't actually mean "anti-religious" but rather "anti-my-peculiar-brand-of-right-wing-fundamentalist-protestant-Christianity".

In praise of the great state of Arkansas

As the state legislature brings new meaning to the old phrase "Praise the Lord and pass the ammunition"!

The land of the free....

...except perhaps in Texas.

Just not good enough

Former ex-Roman Catholic Bishop Richard Williamson who denies that the holocaust occurred has "agreed" to examine the evidence to see if there just might have been a few Jews, gypsies, homosexuals or communists killed by the Nazis and their allies before and during the Second World War. It would seem that former ex-Bishop Williamson wants to give this effort due diligence and has indicated that this will take some time.

I can only assume that until he gets his finger out ex-Hitler Youth member his Holiness and sole representative of (at least one of may) God(s) on Earth Pope Benedict XVI will re-excommunicate the former ex-Bishop.

I wait with bated breath.

It must be God's fault!

The Vatican has admitted to "management errors" in its decision to reinstate noted anti-Judaic Catholic priest Richard Williamson. And, given that God surely sits on the board of the Roman Catholic Church, surely She must be held to account.

Well this should resolve the Newton v Leibniz controversy once and for all!

An obscure prayer book auctioned off in London ten years ago would seem to indicate that Archimedes had discovered the core tenets of the Calculus over 2000 years ago. This news would have been discovered sooner if some medieval monk hadn't rubbed out most of the maths and scribbled prayers over it. It is not yet known whether said monk was indeed an ancestor of former American president George W. Bush.

I have been invited to rejoin the American community

Yesterday, possibly for the first time ever, President Obama acknowledged the existence of the non-believers as real Americans.

"For we know that our patchwork heritage is a strength, not a weakness. We are a nation of Christians and Muslims, Jews and Hindus -- and non-believers. We are shaped by every language and culture, drawn from every end of this Earth; and because we have tasted the bitter swill of civil war and segregation, and emerged from that dark chapter stronger and more united, we cannot help but believe that the old hatreds shall someday pass; that the lines of tribe shall soon dissolve; that as the world grows smaller, our common humanity shall reveal itself; and that America must play its role in ushering in a new era of peace."

Apparently the tips ARE good!

It seems as if your mohel might be making a quid or two from recycling your sons foreskin. Waste not, want not, eh?

The death knell for Islam?

Rumours have it that paler-than-pale rock legend and life long weirdo Michael (now Mikaeel) Jackson has converted to Islam in Los Angeles.

Welcome to the no fly list Wacko. I don't think you're going to like it there.

(Catholic) Ignorance is Strength!

According to the Right Reverend Patrick O'Donoghue, Catholic Bishop of Lancaster there are too many educated people amongst the laity and they are damaging the Church's holy mission to brainwash the ignorant. (I must admit that I have paraphrased him rather loosely but I think I am communicating rather accurately the gist of his message!)

I'm sure that good old Bill Donohue will agree wholeheartedly.

Is Christianity the religion of peace?

If recent scenes in Jerusalem are any indication the answer is unequivocally no!

Surely God can sort this out

Those rapacious capitalists great men (and a woman or two) of God who run America's mega churches are worried about the recent FCC regulation that will open up white space to new technologies will cause interference with their wireless microphones and without them how will they ever squeeze every red cent out of their parishioners show the faithful the true part to salvation.

It couldn't happen to a nicer girl*

We bid adieu to Elizabeth "I'm not Godless but she is" Dole. Good news even if I'm not enthralled by her opponents defamation suit. It's no insult to be called Godless. I hear it all the time.

*Note: I didn't actually mean this - I know lots of nicer girls.

I have a problem with this

It is clear what the clearly desperate and deluded Elizabeth Dole was trying to do when she put out an ad essentially saying that her opponent, Kay Hagen, was "godless". But for Ms. Hagen to sue Dole for defamation is just plain wrong. It is no more defamation to be called an atheist than it is to be called a Christian, a Hindu, a Muslim or a Jew. Now if she had called her a Scientologist that would be different of course.

She's no atheist....

...she's a decent human being. The ad is offensive and so is anyone who tries to defend it.