Strange enough to be true

The Daily Mash imagines some advice from Il Papa to the residents of Africa on safe sex.

How's that abstinence thing working out for you?

Not so well as it turns out. It seems that the offspring of American evangelicals like sex earlier and more often than the average American kid. Surprise! Surprise!

So like what will they have to do to get the merit badge?

Britain's Boy Scouts are to begin getting sex education AND free condoms. Things certainly were different in my day!

When they came for our chocolate sex toys...

...I did nothing because I was not a chocolate sex toy and look what happens. Ann Summers has had to pull all of it's chocolate sex toys and "spreads" from their shelves due to contamination with melamine. Clearly abstinence is the only response!

Why Bristol Palin's pregnancy is a legitimate campaign issue

The mother of the fecund young woman in question is soon to be nominated as the Republican Vice Presidential candidate. The elder Ms. Palin is a strong advocate of "abstinence only" sex education and one assumes that "abstinence only" sex education is what the younger Ms. Palin received. Clearly the message failed in this case. Governor Palin's spokespeople say that the family is delighted at the news that the young woman plans to have the baby and ultimately marry the father.

Fine. Let us hope that neither the birth of the child nor the wedding will come about as a result of undue duress on the part of the parents involved. Let us also hope that, against the odds, the extremely young couple's partnership is successful and their child healthy and happy.

But not all families or young couples will wish to take the same path as these two. They may realise that the failure of their education and the mistake that they made by practicing unsafe sex, in an age when unsafe sex can kill, both have the potential to ruin their lives and affect those around them. Well to those families Governor Palin, and her erstwhile running mate The Aged One, stick up two fingers and roundly say "fuck you". They both believe, she most vehemently of the two, that a woman should have no right to control her body or her reproductive processes. In her own words Ramb-ette, as I like to call her, has said that she would oppose abortion even if her "own daughter was raped".

So she wants to ensure that America's children are not provided with education about sex, reproduction or options other than "don't do what we're not telling you about" and should this "education" fail, as it clearly did in the case of her very young daughter, she also wants to ensure that there are no legal options available even in the worst of circumstances (i.e. rape and incest).

So I'm sorry to those who might disagree but the issue is valid, it is not an intrusion of privacy (she made it public) and it must and will be discussed.

Headline of the day

"MILF linked to Al-Qaeda".

At least I now understand why they're so reluctant to come out of those caves!

It may take most people six steps to get to Kevin Bacon....

...but it only takes corrupt Italian PM Silvio Berlusconi one step to get to John Ashcroft. The former US Attorney General, who we only remember fondly now because of those who have followed him, famously spent thousands of dollars of US taxpayer money to cover the shameful nudity displayed by a statue of the "Spirit of Justice" in his office. Now the normally less bashful Sr. Berlusconi has had the has had the naked breast in a copy of the painting "La Verita Svelata dal Tempo (The Truth Unveiled by Time)" so that his status as a faux statesman is not muddied by his head sharing a camera shot with Truth's Tit when he gives a press conference.

It can only be a matter of time before some other equally idiotic player on the global stage finishes off the "Truth, Justice and the American Way" hidden breast trifecta!

Activist judges free Janet Jackson's tits!

The US 3rd Circuit Court of Appeals has overturned the FCC's ludicrous half million USD fine for the nano-second glimpse we got of her breast piercings during the Super Bowl a couple of years ago. Why does no one even note that you see a hundred times the amount the breast flesh during the obligatory cleavage panning shot of the cheerleaders before every prime time game?

What do you do when then isn't enough abstinence to go around?

Give 'em twice what they asked for! It also helps if the wife of Republi-con blowhard Bill Bennett is running the programme in question.

Welcome to Sex Chester

It seems as if, for now at least, the battle over a lingerie shop in West Chester PA is over but I'm sure that the forces of darkness reason will be back and this time they'll be angry.

Sydney's happy hookers

Sydney's sex industry is predicting a firm upsurge in sales for 2008-2009 on the back of the Catholic Church's World Youth Day.

Well as long as they don't use condoms I reckon it's OK.

Brace yourselves

There is a tsunami of righteous outrage headed our just as soon as certain people find out that single American soldiers are to be allowed to sex in Afghanistan AND are to be provided with condoms to make it only slightly less unsafe (if you believe the administrations "statistics" on condom use).

It's good to see we're still tackling the big issues

Who could believe that we could have managed to get to the year 2008 without a clinical definition of "premature ejaculation" but thank God we have one now thanks to the International Society for Sexual Medicine and the American Urological Association. And the definition is:

"a male sexual dysfunction characterized by ejaculation which always or nearly always occurs prior to or within about one minute of vaginal penetration; and, inability to delay ejaculation on all or nearly all vaginal penetrations; and, negative personal consequences, such as distress, bother, frustration and/or the avoidance of sexual intimacy."

American Family Association promotes open-mouthed HO-MO-SEXUAL snogging!

I received the following in a rather strident and often hysterical email from the American Family Association this morning:

Procter & Gamble promotes explicit open-mouth homosexual kissing.

Scene included in this alert!

April 24, 2008

Dear Yank in London,

Procter & Gamble has resumed using explicit, open-mouth homosexual kissing in their soap opera, "As the World Turns." P&G decided to include this type of content as a commitment to "diversity." P&G stopped showing such scenes some months ago, but has now decided to again help promote the homosexual agenda which includes homosexual marriage.

Gay activists are hopeful that the P&G effort will desensitize viewers to the homosexual lifestyle and help make the unhealthy and immoral lifestyle more acceptable to society, especially to children and youth.

View a scene from the April 23, 2008 episode by P&G. WARNING – content is repulsive!

"As the World Turns" is owned and controlled completely by P&G. No network made this decision. P&G alone made the decision to support the homosexual agenda.

And, in order to demonstrate the depravity of Proctor and Gamble, they have embedded the clip on their web site where it will undoubtedly get tens of thousands of views from sexually repressed but "not now nor never have been gay" Christians. Should you not wish to grace the AFA with your presence you may watch the hotter-than-hot (not) clip below.

Compare and contrast

News (via Reuters): "Experts say US sex abstinence program doesn't work"

Not News (via Faux Business): "Waxman Sham Hearing Distorts Abstinence Education Benefits"

We report - you deride!

Yearning for the old west?

When the range was free, the men were men and the sheriff ran a white slavery operation out of the jail. Well yearn no more!

(For the record: Sheriff Burgess appears to be a Democrat.)

OK, I understand internet porn...

...but can someone please explain to me how an internet brothel works? Isn't some physical contact required.

Now this could be interesting

Pro "family values" US Senator David Vitter who, unlike one former governor of New York, has somehow held on to his job despite shagging hookers up and down the country could be called to testify in the trial of the leader of the prostitution ring. I shall try to make sure that my Schadenfreude gland is in shape should he take the stand.

Fighting the Eternal Global War on Terra - one nipple at a time!

The battle to keep America safe is never ending as demonstrated by the courageous Transportation Security Administration personnel in Lubbock TX who forced Mandi Hamlin to remove her nipple piercing (with pliers) before she could be allowed to Dallas. Ms. Hamlin has demanded an apology and an investigation for which the TSA is very thankful.

Meanwhile the battle against terrorist teats has moved on to the great state of Florida where advertisements in Orlando for the upcoming Wrestlemania XXIV feature post nipple-ectomy pugilists.

Things are not going so well however in the Green Mountain State though as the Vermont Human Rights Commission has found that an airline discriminated against Emily Gillette when they removed her from a flight for pornographically feeding her two month old child. What do we expect from a state with a French name?

Today in infamy - "it's been a long hard decade" edition

Ten years ago today Viagra was first marketed for erectile dysfunction and the world will never be the same.