And he's not even a banker

Chelsea FC have sacked Luiz Philipe Scolari and as reliable news source The Daily Mash notes he as once again displayed his tactical brilliance by banking £15,000,000 for a mere seven months work. I think his performance is superior to even that of those bastards are Merrill Lynch.

The end of an American dream

World renowned football star David "Golden Balls" Beckham has announced that he fancies a move from third rate US "soccer" team the LA Galaxy to better known and, well, better AC Milan after his loving spouse Posh determines that the Milanese shopping is acceptable.

For Spurs fans everywhere

I wouldn't want you to miss these (courtesy of The Guardian).

Ecstasy in Mudville!!

Phighting Phils 5 - Dreaded Dodgers 1!

I think the picture speaks for itself!

Oh, and England won too (Belarus 1 - England 3).

It's all happening tonight, innit?

We have England v Belarus; Philadelphia v Los Angeles; and a doddering old man v an illegal immigrant, communistic Muslim. I just can't decide what to do but I think it starts (and probably ends) with a pint!

Dear Captain Codpiece,

How prescient of you to recognise that Manchester United shirt sponsor, the great American insurance company AIG, could not be allowed to fail. Clearly the knock on effect on that most important of world institutions, the English Premier League, would have been disastrous and the impact on world football* would have been immeasurable.

I would like to point out to you that, as important as the Premiership is, it is built on the foundation of the lower divisions, notably the English Championship. Ergo I am sure that you understand that should Crystal Palace's shirt sponsor, the renowned GAC Logistics, should ever find themselves in financial difficulty you will certainly do the right thing and step in to prevent the dominoes from toppling and possibly destroying the world economy.

Yours in football,

Yank in London

(Not quite) live from (the anti-) Zagreb

At first blush it may have appeared that yesterday's start up of the Large Hadron Collider didn't destroy the universe but after watching the footie last night I have a different theory. The experiments did in fact destroy the universe we used to exist in and we got transferred to an anti-universe where the England football team isn't shite. It's just a theory but how else can one explain it?

My new hero

Meet Pia Sundhage, the coach of the US Olympic women's football team. Ms. Sundhage, a Swedish national has turned down the incredible opportunity to visit the White House along with the members of her gold medal winning team. Ms. Sundhage made it understood that "she doesn’t share Bush’ politics and isn’t interested in meeting him". It makes me feel all warm and happy inside!

Proving my value as a football pundit

Once again I demonstrate that I am a negative indicator as far as picking winners in football tournaments is concerned. My two favourites for the final of Euro '08 were Portugal and Holland. Portugal went out to the bloody Germans on Thursday and last night the Dutch went down to the Russians. Great football from the Russians by the way. Therefore I am now backing Russia and Germany so if you are a betting man (or woman) it might be a good idea to head down the betting shop and put a bundle on Turkey.

The future's bright! The future's orange!

At least in European football it is. The Dutch would appear to be the team to beat in Euro 2008 having beaten both the Italians and, last night, the French in style. I would make the Portu-geezers the second favourites although the announcement that their coach, Luiz Scolari, is headed to Chelsea FC after the tournament might put them off their stride.

Scolari, oh, oh

The fans at Stamford Bridge will get a chance to cheer what the fans at Wembeley missed out on as Chelsea FC, and their mega-billionaire owner Roman Abramovich, have landed former Brazil and current Portugal coach Luiz Scolari. And he better not be thinking that second in the Premiership and second in the Champions' League is good enough because that is what got the last bloke sacked!

So when are England playing again?

Euro 2008 kicks off today. Who do England up against first?

What the hell am I going to do for the next month? I reckon, given the amount of time I spent working there, I'll have to support the Dutch. Do I look good in orange?

In breaking sports news

The mega-gazillionaire owner of Chelsea FC, Roman Abramovich, has been outed as the mystery buyer who spent £17 million on a Lucien Freud painting "Benefits Supervisor Sleeping" (aka "Fat Sue"). Fat Sue is expected to play as a lone striker next season but is unavailable for Wednesday night's clash with Man U for the European Championship.

Today's mood

After last night's football hungover and grim. But nonetheless a good season and Crystal Palace really are the perfect side for someone whose sporting loyalties were forged in the unpleasant crucible that is Philadelphia. Palace so often offer great promise; Palace so often fail to deliver (and they're nicknamed the Eagles). Does any of this sound familiar at all to the denizens of the City of Brotherly Love?

"How you say - 'offside'"?

If the government has it's way, in the future footballers in the Premiership will have to be able to speak English. But Wayne Rooney fans shouldn't worry; there's likely to be an exemption for players in the national side!

Ah yes - life is very, very good!

Full time!!! Palace 5 - Burnley 0!!!!!!!

There is joy in South Norwood!

And there can be no other song for it but "Glad All Over".



Down the pub for me shortly!

Yes - life is very good indeed!

Palace 5 - Burnley 0!!! I reckon that's enough lads. Down the pub with you!

A half hour to the play offs!

Still Palace 3 - Burnley 0 at 62".

Time for a sarnie and craft fag!

Half time. Still Palace 3 - Burnley 0!!!!

Ah, life is good

Palace 3 - Burnley 0!!!

Tom Soares at 37". Life is good indeed.

[Pfft of third beer of day!!]