Hey Gone-zo - don't throw your shoulder out

Disgraced, and possibly still unemployed, former US Attorney General Alberto "Gone-zo" Gonzales has decided that he did a heck of a good job whilst running the US Justice Department AND repeatedly breaking the law. He better be careful; it is possible to do serious damage to yourself whilst patting yourself on the your back.

It will almost certainly come to nothing...

...but for the moment the indictment of "I'm a Big" Dick Cheney and Alberto "Gone-zo" Gonzales in Texas allows a man to dream. I mean who wouldn't pay to see those two in chains!

Today in Schadenfreude

Former US Attorney General Alberto "Gone-zo" Gonzales really is an idiot. His excuse for leaving top secret papers in his briefcase at home? He couldn't remember the combination to his "safe".

Lucky Gone-zo!

The legal team for currently under-employed former US Attorney General Alberto "Gone-zo" Gonzales admit that their client violated the law in his mis-handling of extremely sensitive national security documents, including taking them home for the weekend. Fortunately for "Gone-zo" the Justice Department has decided not to prosecute this "technical violation of the rules".

I can only assume that this falls under the "not every violation of the law is a crime" guidelines of "Gone-zo's" successor, Robert Mukasey.

Gone-zo goes temping!

Former US Attorney General Alberto "Gone-zo" Gonzales hasn't found a real job since his resignation in disgrace sometime ago. He has however found a part time, temporary job that should tide him over until some wealthy "friend" takes pity on him.

WILL LIE FOR FOOD!

Won't you please help this man find a job; any job! He's a top notch arse licker, has very poor recall and is Hispanic so you get diversity points. I think if we all work together we can make it happen.

You shall be hearing from my attorneys!

Alternet has shamelessly, if almost certainly unknowingly, stolen the title of my post about Alberto "Gone-zo" Gonzales's difficulty in finding gainful employment outside of the Captain Codpiece arse-licking sector: "Will Lie for Food"!

I am shocked.

WILL LIE FOR FOOD!

Pity poor former US Attorney General Alberto "Gone-zo" Gonzales. He's having a hard time finding a new job. It turns out that the market for arse licking incompetents was not as rich as he thought.

Perhaps he should take a job washing dishes at Hooters.

A small clarification

The American Bar Association Journal would like you to know that when they named former US Attorney General and continuing Bush succubus Albert "Gone-zo" Gonzales as their "Lawyer of the Year" they actually meant "Arsehole of the Year".

That is all.

Not that you would want him to be your lawyer

Former US Attorney General and continuing Bush succubus Alberto "Gone-zo" Gonzales has been named Lawyer of the Year 2007 by the journal of the American Bar Association. They are careful to point out that Gone-zo's selection was no for his qualities as a legal adviser.

Gone-zo lawyers up!

Now why would former US Attorney General Albert "Gone-zo" Gonzales require a legal defence fund if he didn't do anything wrong. The key quote in the article comes from Gone-zo friend David Leitch:

"He must engage highly competent legal counsel to represent him."

I reckon that explains why he isn't defending himself.

A perp walk I'd gladly pay to see

The US Inspector General may recommend that former US Attorney General, and eternal Bush succubus, Alberto "Gone-zo" Gonzales be prosecuted for lying to Congress.

Oh, let it be so. Please, if there is a God, let it be so!

If he's smart, which I doubt, he's hired someone who is a better attorney than he is

[Snigger, snigger] Today's top headline: "Alberto Gonzales Hires Defense Attorney"

Now why would he need one of those if he's innocent?

I must have forgotten!

Having spent 157 days charting the long and torturous road to the resignation of former US Attorney General Alberto "Gone-zo" Gonzales I somehow managed to overlook his last day at the office. Fortunately The Daily Show didn't. Crooks and Liars has the video.