Today's (extremely unlikely) hero!

Britain's Prince Phillip who told the control and spin freaks from 10 Downing Street to, and I quote, "fuck off" over their plans for the funeral of Princess Diana.

How terribly middle class

Queen Liz wants Prince William's girlfriend to get a proper job before they get engaged. That should help her fit in with the rest of the Saxe-Coburg-Gotha clan no end.

BREAKING NEWS:

From the Daily Mail (sorry): "Stonehenge was burial ground for long-forgotten royal family"! Has anyone seen the Saxe-Coburg-Gotha's Windsors?

An utter waste of Parliament's time

Plans afoot to alter the alter the line of succession to the British throne to give women equal treatment in the name of "equality" are senseless at best and ludicrous at worst. Does anyone really believe that Britain will still be a monarchy when this might become an issue. We are talking about the children of the as yet unmarried Prince William.

What can you learn for £12.5 million?

Not much that we didn't already know if the cost of the inquiry into Princess Diana's death is any indication.

Has Mohamed al Fayed been possessed by space aliens?

Following the conclusion of the £10 million inquest into the accidental death of Princess Diana which found that Princess Diana died accidentally the owner of Harrod's has decided to pack in his noble quest to expose the evil conspiracy behind her murder death for the sake of the children. Perhaps he could have thought of that before he called their grandfather a Nazi and a murderer.*

*Note: this should not be construed to be, in any way, a defence of Prince Phillip who is a bigot and scumbag.

Did I say "£3 million"?

I meant to say "£8 million"; which is a lot of money to find out that Paul Burrell is a liar. We already knew that didn't we. Nonetheless I am sure that we will all be amused to see the erstwhile ex-butler up on perjury charges.

Well worth £3 million, don't you think?

It seems that Princess Diana died in a car crash much to the surprise of millions of Britons. On second thought this will probably shock only Mohamed al Fayed.

Bring the troops Prince home now!

Thanks to the Drudge Report's hard working investigating slime merchants journalists Prince Harry has had to be recalled from service in Afghanistan because he is in danger!

He is (or was) a bloody soldier in a war zone OF COURSE HE'S IN FUCKING DANGER.

I have nothing against the young man personally but I don't see why he is allowed to be in the armed forces if his life is deemed any more valuable than any other soldier. If he is not to be allowed to serve then he must resign. (Aren't we paying him for just being him in the first place?)

OK - I was wr-wr-wr-wr-wr-ong!

Yesterday I accused the owner of Harrods, and long time resident of Cloud Cuckooland, Mohamed al Fayed, of getting it wrong when he testified that Prince Philip was a Nazi who should be shipped back to Germany. I did not, I should note, question the Nazi allegation but rather that he was a German. Since he had Greek citizenship before he started schtupping the Queen I just assumed that he was great and his wife, Elizabeth Saxe-Coburg-Gotha, was the German. It turns out that they both are German with Philip being descended from the Danish-German Schleswig-Holstein-Sonderburg-Glucksburg family who apparently have been provided royalty to order for European dynasties for centuries. (Do they get a royal warrant for that?)

I am terribly sorry for any confusion caused.

Thank you Mohamed!

I doubt it was worth the money the still ongoing 27th inquest in the deaths of D-squared (Diana and Dodi) is costing the British taxpayer but there was significant entertainment value in the testimony of Mohamed al Fayed yesterday. He is clearly living in Cloud Cuckoo Land.

My favourite bit is when he called Prince Philip a Nazi, this might be the most lucid he was all day, but then he ruined the moment when he got all muddled up and suggest that the Prince should be "sent back to Germany". Mohamed everyone knows that Philip is a Greek. It's the Queen (Elizabeth Saxe-Coburg-Gotha) who is German!

Murder most foul!

Yes - the entirely ludicrous 17th inquest into the deaths of D-squared (Diana and Dodi) is still ongoing at considerable expense to the British taxpayer. Today, Dodi's father, Mohamed al Fayed, gets to take the stand to declare, completely without evidence of any kind, that the pair were murdered by the Royal Family, MI5 and anyone else that comes to mind. Can't someone please just make it stop?

The self-loathing Royal?

The UK Independence Party (population 10) is outraged at Prince Charles for his anti-British speech at an EU function. Prince Chuck was given a standing ovation by the EU folks but UKIP leader refused to stand. That'll teach him I suspect!

Finally the Royal Family begins to earns its keep

Prince Andrew has slagged off the Americans over Iraq and the failure of the other half of that "special relationship" to listen to the sage advice of the British as to what a shit storm was waiting for us. Oh, and he spent over 20 years in the Navy so we should probably consider this "listening to the Royals on the ground".

What's wrong with Britain?

Apparently 78% of the populace believe that Britain should continue as a monarchy after Queen Liz (the Second of England and Wales and the First of Scotland) kicks off although most of them do think that we should give Chuck a pass and go straight to King Willy. Perhaps the prospect of changing the country's name and the national anthem simultaneously is just too much to face. Alternatively they've looked westward across the Atlantic and realised that a President can work out worse!

In case you missed it

I certainly did (for the 14th consequetive year)!

Now the rest of the world is as lucky as we are

Queen Liz is going to put this year's Xmas message on YouTube so that they rest of you are not cheated out this important and truly wonderful cultural experience.

She made it!

As of 1700 hours yesterday our own much loved Queen Liz (the Second of England and Wales and the First of Scotland) became the oldest ever British monarch. Now if she will only become the last British monarch we will be getting somewhere.

Harrier-gate?

Someone shot two rare hen harriers on the Royal Family's estate at Sandringham about a fortnight ago. As shooting these birds is illegal the police were called in. Curiously the only evidence, the late birds themselves, disappeared. The only people out with guns on the estate at the time, Prince Harry and a couple of mates, were questioned but they could not "help the inquiry" and no charges will be brought.

Curious, innit?

Prince Harry's bird trouble continues

The Norfolk constabulary have handed a file over to the Crown Prosecution Service relating to the shooting of two rare hen harriers on the Crown Estate at Sandringham. Prince Harry and two others who were with him at the time, he was out shooting, were interviewed by the police. The handing of the case to the CPS would suggest that the police believe that there is a case for someone to answer.