Today in infamy - "a nation turns its lonely eyes to you" edition

On this day in 1999 baseball legend Joe DiMaggio died, aged 84, possibly on the set of a Mr. Coffee advert.

We're all going to die!

The worst storm ever this year is coming! I'd best start the process of hatch battening.

Why you should never confuse Texas with Sweden

Down in the Lone Star State it has only just become legal for women (and men for that matter) to get their hands on a dildo, vibrator or other sexual device. Whereas in Sweden the state run chemists, Apoteket, are to starting selling sex toys in order to satisfy customer demand. (The pun may or may not be intended.) The decision to trial these products came after a survey last year which put dildos and massage oil at the top of the list of new products desired by customers.

Perhaps Pennsylvania's Governor Rendell should consider this new product line as a revenue enhancers for the state's State Liquor Stores.

When they came for our mince...

...I did nothing because I was not mince but when they came for our cat vitamins, well that is rather different.

Cat vitamins??!! (Note that these are not, as I originally thought, vitamins made FROM cats but rather vitamins made FOR cats.)

Is Faux News going knickerless?*

The ever so feminine young ladies at Faux News, such as the lovely and demure Ainsley Airhead Earhardt, will undoubtedly be surprised, and perhaps shocked, to know that not wearing pants means something quite different on this side of the pond.

*Perhaps they should trial it on Faux Business it might boost the ratings!

So where are Kukla and Fran then?

Someone woke former Colonel Oliver North from his slumber and he immediately blamed the small bomb in New York on Nancy Pelosi and the Democrats.

Go back to sleep Ollie. Fawn should be around soon with your medication.

Those Yalies have all the luck

St. Tony is going to start teaching them how religion can aid reconciliation and bring peace. The start of the course will be delayed until 2020 thereby giving the former British Prime Minister time to work out how religion can aid reconciliation and bring peace.

How bad is the state of the US economy?

When the ultimate government insider corporation, the Carlyle Group starts looking shaky things must be fairly bad one would think.

John's new (evangelical) friend

Maybe Bill Donohue will like this one because Rod Parsley doesn't seem to hate Catholics but he does hate gays, abortion, Muslims, judges and anyone to the left of Mussolini.

Watch and learn.

Perhaps the anti-feminists are right...

...perhaps the British male has been emasculated. As evidence I submit this story about two 14 year-olds in Ayrshire being kicked out of school for taking Viagra.

Since when do 14 year old lads need Viagra? At that age the real challenge is to keep the bloody thing from getting hard (and then keeping your hands off of it)!

And now for a few unkind words about the Church of England

Now that the absurd Common Law offence of blasphemy looks about to be stricken from the books.

On second thought perhaps I should wait until it IS stricken from the books. I really can't afford a solicitor's bill at the moment.

Fasten your seat belts

The other day Captain Codpiece endorsed Senator McCain for the Presidency which, given his approval rating, is a bit of a poisoned chalice. Yesterday the head of US Northern Command, Gen. Gene Renuart, played the fear card.

Coincidence?



Get ready for Bert and Ernie to race towards Elmo as November approaches.

Do something!

Today is International Women's Day and, looking back at the past year, one cannot say with any confidence that things are getting better.

For the attention of the American Secret Service

When football manager Jose Mourinho said yesterday that he wanted to "kill Chelsea" he was referring to his desire to humiliate the football club he used to manage and not to a desire to off the youngest Clinton.

I thought you should know.

This could prove tricky

Russian arms merchant Viktor Bout has been arrested in Thailand where they intend to try him on local charges before possibly extraditing him to the US. I really wonder if the US will go through with extradition of this "merchant of death" as he has done business with the US government recently, as part of the Eternal Global War on Terra, and may know some things that he might use in his defence that the US would prefer not to get out.

Shorter Cal Thomas

"Mamas don't let your babies grow up to be homos."

For my American friends

It has been at least seven years since this was last allowed to happen in your country. In case you have forgotten this is what an unmuzzled government scientist sounds like.

Error in estimate of age of Grand Canyon increases...

...as "scientists" now claim that the great gorge on the Colorado River is 17 million years old which is about 11 million years older than their previous guess.

Of course this is all just silliness because those-who-will-be-saved know that this great testament to God's greatness was formed by Noah's flood only 4300 years ago.

How silly of them.

Déjà vu all over again

As I noted yesterday it's another day so there is yet another US dollar hits new low against the Euro story.

Sigh. I hope none of you were planning on a holiday in Europe this summer.

What His Highness wishes

The evil minions surrounding His Imperial Lowness Emperor George the Last (aka Captain Codpiece) continue to attempt the Imperial powers of Our Great Leader. They now argue that there is no need to get Congressional buy in to the long term military treaty that he is forcing on the Iraqi government because Congress already authorised it with the authorisation to use military force in 2002.

WTF? Over.

Looking for something to do in Philly on 16 March?

Then look no further! It's the fifth anniversary of the illegal invasion of Iraq and a coalition of area groups plans to demonstrate near the home of Pennsylvania's senior Senator Arlen "He's a Single Bullet Man" Specter.

I think the great whore of Revelation 17 is pretty hot, what about you?

TPM's video of John Hagee's greatest hits.



(Am I the only one who is uncomfortable about being on the same side as Bill Donohue?))

Today in infamy - "it was just about property rights" edition

On this day in 1857 strict constructionists on the US Supreme Court ruled that Dred Scott was just property and not a human being.

Is there no food safe to eat in America anymore?

Now it's Aunt Jemima's pancake mix that has had to be recalled due to salmonella contamination.

The other surprise, for me at least, in this story is that Aunt Jemima's pancake mix is still on the market. Does she still look like this?

As usual, I have a better idea

Instead of padding lamp posts to protect those idiots who insist on attempting to text and walk at the same time why don't we just ban texting whilst walking! After all these morons do not just walk into lamp posts, they walk into people. Like me. At least twice today and I do not at all appreciate the "why didn't you get the fuck out of my way" looks I get at least half the time.

All those in favour?

"Patience my arse. I'm gonna sack someone."

It seems that Captain Codpiece is not all that eager to listen to the "generals on the ground" when they don't agree with him and might be about to sack CENTCOM commander Adm. William Fallon and replace him with someone who actually thinks that attacking Iran is a fine idea, if he can find someone in the military that thinks that way.

I ♥ Bjork

The Guardian has a video of her performance in Shanghai.

Another critical fact...

...in the war on climate change denial. Brought to you by Adamant.

Another day...

...another US dollar hits new low against the Euro story. I seem to recall some of my American friends scoffing at the new currency a few years ago. Is it worth a taunting phone call I wonder.

Frank Luntz calls Jimmy Carter a pussy

At least I assume that that is what he meant. It is rather difficult to know with him. Shouldn't someone call him out as failing to treat the office with sufficient respect or does that only occur when one insults Reagan?