Progress report

Four and a half million Iraqis have been forced to leave their homes by violence or economic necessity since the illegal invasion of their country by the United States and friends. They continue to flee at the rate of one to two thousand a day and this rate is expected to increase as things get better because of the surge time passes. This is in a country of approximately twenty seven million. An equivalent number in the American population would be around fifty million refugees and internally displaced people.

It depends on what the meaning of "fully committed" is

Under pressure from the business community, including I imagine the oil and nuclear industries, the Prime Minister is being urged to back away from the government's existing commitment to meeting 20% of the countries energy needs from renewable sources by 2020. Despite the leaked change of plan the government continues to assert that they are "fully committed to renewables. Should we move away from this less than ambitious objective it would truly be a shame and counter to the country's best interests in light of both global warming and the approach (or arrival) of peak oil. Britain is extremely well placed to take advantage of both wind and tidal power. I guess there just enough really big money in it to interest the community of bloated and amoral capitalists.

Time is of the essence

After applying considerable pressure to the Turkish government the United States has bought some more time for it's puppet government in Baghdad the freely chosen democratic government of Iraq to deal with the Kurdish separatists/freedom fighters/terrorists that are currently operating relatively freely in the semi-autonomous Kurdish region which borders Turkey. I hope they don't waste it.

We should be thankful to the Turks for their restraint so far. How much restraint would the US government show if northern Mexico were home to a group of separatists/freedom fighters/terrorists who were continually striking against American forces on American soil? Not very much would be my guess.

Brace yourselves for the middle class outrage!

The government is planning to introduce new rules that would be enforced in the advent of an inevitable future drought. The present rules are over 60 years old and terribly out of date with current lifestyles.

Under these measures, once a drought emergency has been called, you will not be able to:

• Run an ornamental fountain or garden water feature
• Top off your private swimming pool
• Use pressure hoses to clean boats and patios
• Fill your jacuzzi with a hose or from the mains
• Use a hose to wash your windows

You will still be able to:

• Water gardens from a can or using water from a butt
• Wash windows using a bucket
• Fill a fish pond

All very sensible but don't expect middle England, especially in the home counties, to take this lying down.

Is he laughing with us or at us?

From the good folks at Crooks & Liars I give you this clip of Captain Codpiece having a good old time.

Will they get justice?

Landless Brazilian peasants protesting at a genetically modified seed farm run by Swiss biotechnology firm Syngenta were shot at by guards and two of the men were killed. I wonder if Blackwater branching out into biotech security.

Happy birthday!

If the Bishop James Usher is to be believed, and I am not suggesting that we shouldn't believe him, tomorrow is the 6011th birthday of the Universe and all that! The fateful event will should take place at about 6 PM so you'd best start lighting the candles for the cake now!

What me worry?

I don't have any idea what might happen should the Turkish military strike into Iraq but I know it won't be good.

What's that sound outside my window?

Oh nevermind - it's just the dollar again.

Not seperate but equal

A school in a Jerusalem neighbourhood that has the temerity to mix Arab and Jewish students is facing opposition from its religious and intolerant neighbours. One local woman sums up the problem quite succinctly:

"The Arabs have their own villages. That's where they should go study. Not here in the middle of a Jewish neighborhood...I've got nothing against Arabs, but why do they have to go to school with Jews? It will only lead to assimilation that will begin at an even earlier age because of this school."

No - nothing at all like apartheid.

Dear Andrew McClintock,

I have the same message for you as I have for so called Christians who want to be exempted from the obligations of their job when they perceive it conflicts with their religious beliefs - seek out another career. One doesn't see Quakers in the armed forces now does one?

A perp walk I'd gladly pay to see

The US Inspector General may recommend that former US Attorney General, and eternal Bush succubus, Alberto "Gone-zo" Gonzales be prosecuted for lying to Congress.

Oh, let it be so. Please, if there is a God, let it be so!

Will there be Garbage Patch Kids?

Somewhere in the Pacific Ocean is a man made island of rubbish that is composed mostly of plastic and is now twice the side of Texas. If we're lucky Captain Codpiece will mistake it for Texas when he retires and never be heard from again.

Uncle Thomas

US Supreme Court Justice Clarence Thomas blames Yale Law School, and it's blatantly anti-American affirmative action policy, for his inability to get the job he wanted after graduation. If only they hadn't let all those other stupid niggers in!

Good news at last

The killing of two female American sailors at a base in Bahrain was not an act of terror and the killings were most likely carried out by a fellow American. So just murder then.

Hey wait just one gosh darn minute!

Il Papa said yesterday that religion cannot be used to justify violence. Does this mean that Captain Codpiece didn't get orders from God to (illegally) invade Iraq? Does this mean that he hears voices in his head? Does this mean he's not been taking his medication?

What is the fee for your bags arriving at your destination?

As anyone who has travelled by air in American knows all too well American airlines are always in control of things and nothing ever goes awry. So it certainly makes sense to charge passengers if they want their baggage to come off the plane first.

Will there be a discount available if you don't care if your bags come off last?

It's not as if anyone is counting

A US military raid in Baghdad has killed 49 "criminals" if you believe the Americans but only 13, including women and children, if you believe that Iraqi government. Assuming the Yanks are right we know that the 49 dead people are "criminals" because they are dead and if they weren't dead they wouldn't be "criminals". And, given that they are dead, they won't be able to attempt to retract their deadness and thereby become "non-criminals".

Uh oh

Cleveland Indian's pitcher Paul Byrd has admitted spending 25,000 USD on human growth hormone prescribed for him by doctors, including a dentist, at a Florida "aging clinic". He says it was for a pituitary problem that he suffers from and of which the league and his team were both aware. However both the Indians and major league baseball say that the recent revelations were the first they had heard of his use of the (now) banned substance.

We needn't worry about Mr. Byrd's credibility though. According to Faux Sports he is a devout Christian and he knew that God "was in control of [his] life, and he (sic) wouldn't want [him] making money through cheating the system."

An important endorsement

In what can only be described as a surprise move the General has embraced his own Frenchiness and come out in support of Senator Chris Dodd for President. I imagine the other campaigns should just pack it in now!

Turn out the lights

No really - turn out the bloody lights. If the German organisation Energy Watch Group is to be believed peak oil is not just on the horizon, in the rear view mirror as it happened last year. According to their study, released today, world oil production has reached the "half gone" point and output will fall by approximately 7% per annum and expects world wide production, currently around 81 million barrels per day, to fall to 31 million barrels per day by 2030.

If it's not to late you might want to flog the SUV before it is worthless.

The last of the Beothuk

I shall have to pop round to Greenwich someday soon to see the model of a birch bark canoe that is soon to go on display and which represents the work of the last of the Beothuk people, Shanawdithit, who died in Newfoundland amongst white settlers in 1829. Shanawdithit is said never to have smiled a fact that should surprise no one.

But just remember according to Michael Medved there was no genocide, just an unfortunate accident.

Flag pins at ten paces

One of the advantages of living abroad is that I don't have to subject myself to the spectacle when the Republican presidential hopefuls return to their natural habitat at Faux News and try to out fascist each other. From what I could tell they all moved so far to the right it was a wonder that there was anyone still in the camera shot by the end of it.

Tough on young offenders - tough on the causes of young offenders

Is it just coincidence, do you think, that today's Guardian features a story that tells us that 1,300 prison officers have been found guilty of misconduct in the past six years and then another article that says that officers at youth offender institutions could be allowed to use batons on kids as young as fifteen?

"When you said that everyone should pay their fair share we never thought for a minute that you were referring to us!"

Business leaders are to troop over to Whitehall today, (is it possible to "troop" in a chauffeur driven Jag or a Merc?), to have a wee chat with the Chancellor of the Exchequer about his plans for the capital gains tax which would have such a negative impact on the ability of the stinky rich to get stinkier and richer. I wish them well.

A potrait of the artist as a young shed

In the antipodes they are thinking well inside the box as the men's shed movement gathers momentum and public financing in order to make their dream of one man - one shed come true.

You can find out more here.

Things that are pissing me off today! (Actually yesterday to be honest.)

The gas man is scheduled come round next week for the annual check on the boiler.

I wanted an AM appointment and they said they could do that; the man would be around between 8 AM and 1 PM.

I pointed out that is not an AM appointment.

She begged to differ.

Well could I have a PM appointment.

Yes she could do that as well. The man would be around between 11 AM and 5 PM.

Sighing I pointed out that that wasn't a PM appointment.

Again she begged to differ.

After she broke my will I ended up booking an AM appointment anyway.

I'm now off to McDonalds to try and get a small lemonade. What do you reckon my chances are?

We're number two!

I almost forgot! England are no longer Rugby Union World Champions. What with this, not a great match by the way, and with England about to crash out of Europe it's probably just as well that Gordo didn't call an election.

For your listening pleasure

It feels like an Iggy Sunday...

Pennsylvania says...

..."fuck the critters - let's drill".