In case you haven't been paying attention...

...things are very bad in Gaza if you believe Amnesty International, Save the Children, Care International, Christian Aid and Oxfam.

If you have any doubts as to the veracity of this report just consult our dear friend, the clinically sane Melanie Phillips, who points out that all of these organisations are "-in-the-wool, vicious and bigoted Israel-haters" and that the perfidious Gazans deserve every missile attack, every artillery shell, every bullet and every bull-dozed home that the IDF is thoughtfully providing. After all when was the last time she was right about anything?

"Huh, I asked all my friends and none of them are having problems"

Captain Codpiece explains why everything is OK with the US economy.

Today in infamy - "better to burn out than fade away" edition

On this day in 1982 (was it really that long ago?) John Belushi was found dead at the Chateau Marmont in LA at the age of 33.

In which we bid adieu to "No Surrender to the IRA"

In celebration of the imminent resignation of (mail order) Dr. Ian Paisley as head of the devolved Northern Irish government the Irish Times provides us with a some of his more memorable quotes. My favourite?

"They breed like rabbits and multiply like vermin"

Just in case you thought John Hagee had anything on the good Doctor. Paisley is expected to endorse John McCain shortly.

Someone ring Guinness!

Amongst all of the reports of oil prices reaching new records the fact that the price of oil actually attained an all-time record yesterday has probably been missed by most.

It's good to talk!

Captain Codpiece to OPEC: "Pump more oil, damn it!"

OPEC to Captain Codpiece: "Fuck off toss pot. We're enjoying the ride!"

The Captain hits the crack pipe!

I forgot to mention this the other day: A unkempt and clearly disoriented Captain Codpiece emerged from a boarded up house in the worst part of the nation's capital to announce the middle east peace is just around the corner. Following this surprising statement he quickly scored a couple of rocks and disappeared inside.

Now this won't please any of those end-of-days Christians...

...who are so in love with Israel, largely because they think there have to be lots of Jews in the "Holy Land" in order for the world to end. The Israel Democracy Institute is reporting that over half of Israelis are secular. Need I mention that the country is also a socialist welfare state. Do I sense heart attacks right across America's bible belt?

Well done in Ohio-10!

Despite serious efforts by the powers of the corp-tocracy to unseat Dennis Kucinch, one of the few truly honest politicians left, he survived his primary challenge handily.

In the news

Eight British soldiers are to be sent home from their base in Norway for getting their kit off whilst on a night out.

In related news virtually all of the British soldiers in Iraq and Afghanistan have removed their clothes and are forming an orderly queue!

What is God up to?

Why is She always hiding images of Jesus and the Virgin Mary in strange places like toast, pizza, logs or water heater lime scale? And while we are at it why are there never images of Moses, Joseph (any of them), Lot, Noah or Salome?

In case you were wondering if...

...a McCain presidency would mean an improvement in the attitude towards science (well it can hardly get worse) in the White House I think you will find that McCain's adoption of the discredited "MMR vaccine causes autism" conspiracy theory means that the answer is almost certainly a resounding "No".

Now pay attention

I am not sure what it means to "be proud of one's country" and therefore I was not outraged by Michelle Obama's statement the other day*. However, after watching this 60 Minutes piece I do know what it means to be ashamed of one's country. The unfortunate woman who "doesn't like to ask" for charity in order to have basic medical needs met I can only say - you shouldn't have to!

Welcome to the Third World America. I hope you enjoy your stay.

*It should be noted that there was nothing in Ms. Obama's statement that could outrage someone who does understand what it means to "be proud of one's country" but that is another matter.

How droll

World renowned "Internet Evangelist" accuses Oprah Winfrey of pushing "spiritual crack" without an apparent trace of irony. God certainly has a sense of humour, hasn't She?

A Freedom Agenda (TM)* update

After the legitimate, if unwelcome, victory by Hamas in the Palestinian elections Captain Codpiece, increasingly irrelevant US Secretary of State Conoco-leezza Rice and Eliot Abrams backed an armed faction of Fatah hoping to overthrow the Hamas government. The plan backfired of course, given who organised it, and we are left with the complete cluster fuck that is illegally occupied Palestine today. Nice one, eh?

*Void where you elect anyone we don't like.

Weird things in Texas

A Danish journalist was almost shot but an elderly woman packing a pistol, or possibly just "I'm a Big" Dick Cheney in drag (an idea so disturbing that I'm terrified that I had it), near the Captain Codpiece country estate. No arrests have yet been made or, given that it's Texas, will ever be made.

What terrible news

Gifted and profound political thinker Melanie Morgan has lost her job apparently because what she had to say was not very pleasing to the advertisers once they actually heard it.

I am very, very sad. (Not!)

Today in infamy - "take your damn Quakers and get out of the country" edition

Three hundred and twenty seven years ago today King Charles the Second of England granted William Penn a royal charter for what eventually became "The Keystone State".

The no-nothing news team

The Faux News tells us we should be worrying about global cooling and still manage to have a good chuckle at the same time.

The simple life in Dibble OK

"Hey Jim Bob. I do believe them goats is fuckin'. Better call the Sheriff."

Your PAYE pounds at work

Remember that mixed oxide fuel plant at Sellafield that has been so generously subsidised with British taxpayer's money but that was going to reprocess nuclear waste into usable fuel and thereby save the planet.

Well it hasn't. "Hasn't what" you ask. Hasn't hardly anything!

A gentle reminder

If you live in Ohio-10 don't forget Dennis today!

To my readers

Whichever one of you ended up here after a search for "bible.porn" I hope that your found what you were looking for; after all we aim to please!

Tis a very sad day in wanking

The supremo of British pornograhpy, Paul Raymond, is dead. Will the strippers be wearing black armbands, and little else, at the Raymond Revue bar this evening?

If you live in Ohio-10

Don't forget Dennis tomorrow!

Today in infamy - "just don't get to thinking that it actually belongs to you" edition

Seventy years ago today oil was discovered in Saudi Arabia.

A Hells Angels victim is something to be

BBC radio is to air a report today that the Hells Angels tried to assassinate Mick Jagger in 1969 after the band refused to continue to use the motorcycle gang for "security" after Altamont. The fearsome bikers were apparently foiled by the weather which goes a long way toward explaining why do you see more them delivering the post!

R.I.P.

Canadian blues & jazz guitarist Jeff Healey has died at the age of forty one after a life long fight with a rare form of cancer.

Yes, things ARE different here

Alan Duncan is a Tory frontbencher. He is also openly gay and has announced plans to enter into a civil partnership with his partner James Dunseath. Mr. Duncan apparently "proposed" on Valentine's Day.

The reaction here? Not much of one. Now transplant this across the Atlantic and imagine a similar situation with a senior Republican. Scary, innit?

Who knew?

It seems that, to my considerable astonishment, Ben Stein can occasionally make sense. Startling, innit?