I may be paranoid but I am not alone!

I may not be the only one who smells something rotten in the state nation of Georgia. There are others just as cynical as me. Could I be right?

Autumn is a-comin' in!

I hereby declare the less than brilliant British summer over!

Those surging Slovaks!

The second edition of the official Yank in London modified Beijing Olympics medal table sees the Slovak Republic surge into a commanding lead thanks to gold medal from Michal Martikan in Men's canoeing. The Slovaks now have 1.47 points per million of population making it nearly impossible, already, to the US to ever take the lead. Azerbaijan has moved up to second and the Aussies into third forcing yesterday's leader Finland into fourth. The US did move up to 15th place; still behind Britain in 11th. Hosts China remain mired in 27th and India, being an incredibly populous country that isn't much good at anything beside cricket, sadly not an Olympic event, bring up the rear of the medal winning nations with a pathetic 0.004 points per million!

More to come!

Georgia on my mind

Am I the only one who is thinking that Georgian President Mikheil Saakashvili might have had a bit of nudge from someone that set him off on his colossal misadventure in South Ossetia? Perhaps in the form of one of those deliberately misinterpretable messages such as the one that sent Saddam Hussein into Kuwait? There is an election coming up and this hopefully short lived conflict gives The Aged One a chance to be bellicose and strut his questionable national security credentials.

Whilst you weren't watching....

I know you have all been busy watching the news from Georgia (and wondering why no one there seems to speak English) or possibly enjoying the Freedom Olympics live from Beijing or, if you are a Faux News aficionado (or as I like to call them "afauxionados"), worrying about John Edward's sex life. Therefore I find it my duty to tell that, in and around Kirkuk at least, the surge doesn't seem to be working anymore and civil war in brewing.

And now, for the first time anywhere....

....the official Yank in London modified Beijing Olympics medal table (rules below):

In first place at 1.144 is Finland (one gold - one bronze)

In second place at 0.978 is the Czech Republic

In third place at 0.650 is South Korea

Great Britian is 19th, the US a lowly 24th and China 32nd!

Further updates to follow over the next fortnight.

The rules: (5 x golds + 3 x silvers + bronzes) / population in millions

R.I.P.

Isaac Hayes - 1942 - 2008.

Well that's relief

Despite an approval rating in the neighbourhood of 0.00002% US Vice President "I'm a Big" Dick Cheney will deliver a triumphant farewell speech at the Republican National Convention. Rumours that delegates will be required to arrive at the hall twelve hours before the speech, to remain barefoot and be tied to their chairs during the speech cannot be confirmed at this time.

Why does Captain Codpiece hate freedom?

He looks set to agree a deal with the government of Iraq that would force the next President to cut and run. Well at least it isn't a timetable!

I guess that trip to Atlanta is off

"Britain warns against travel to Georgia."

Important news!

As the election draws nearer and magically, after having remained steady since the midterm elections, the terror alert level drifts up from Bert through Ernie into Elmo terror-tory there will once again be a mad rush to Home Depot to stock up on plastic sheeting, duct tape and nail guns. But no one wants to the fight the crowds even so supplies as urgent as this. What's a sensible but lazy and borderline obese citizen to do. I have the solution: SurvivorMall.com! So sit back, pop another Belgian Budweiser and click your way to safety!

Why I think that we should give up on impeachment...

...and, assuming that the allegations in Ron Suskind's new book are true, concentrate on getting Captain Codpiece, "I'm a Big" Dick Cheney and associated evil minions tried and convicted for war crimes and crimes against humanity. Do we need clearer evidence that this lot did exactly what most of those tried at Nuremberg were convicted of, waging an illegal war of aggression.

1,000 reasons John McCain should not be President

Number 72: it would seem that this is his idea of straight talk and campaing of (virtually no) ideas!

Ah Friday!!!

Off duty? Tick!



Pint of Pride? Tick!

See you tomorrow!!

Somehow I don't think that they've actually thought this through!

The World Congress for Families has decided to hold it's next annual in shindig in Amsterdam. Now I think that the Netherlands is an incredibly family friendly country; what with significant legally mandated maternity and paternity leave, flex hour requirements for workers with children, state run child care and universal health care. But somehow I don't think that those are the sorts of things that this American dominated right wing organisation is looking for. So add to the fact that they will be meeting in one of the most socialist states in Europe, even when they are run by what the Dutch consider to be right wing party, the cannabis cafes (you just can't smoke tobacco in them), the brothels and a decidedly un-Christian (in an American but not in a Christian sense) culture I think this might not turn out as planned. At least they won't be getting arrested for their shameful behaviour.

Praise the Lord - the petrol price crisis is over!!!

In the past fortnight the last chance Texaco I pass on my walk from the station to work has dropped its price for unleaded petrol from £1.199 a litre to 1.119 a litre. The crisis is over! Get the Chelsea tractors out of the garage!

Note: to Americans this new, low price translates to roughly $8.45 a US gallon so stop fucking whinging will you.

The whole world IS watching*

Close your eyes and imagine the following scenario:

An American citizen is arrested for rape and murder in Mexico. This American is denied access to American consular staff before being charged, tried and found guilty. The Mexican court sentences him or her to death. The American's attorneys exhaust their appeals in the Mexican court system and appeal to the World Court which rules that the proceedings must be reviewed and possibly voided as the denial of consular assistance is in violation of international treaties and international law. Mexico says "fuck you, your fucking treaties don't apply" and executes the American. Imagine the uproar. Imagine the outrage. Imagine the invasion!

Now open your eyes and see what happens when the words "American" and "Mexican" are reversed. It's a funny old world, innit?


*Except for America that is!

Today Yesterday in infamy

I almost forgot. Yesterday was the 63rd anniversary of the largest and worst terrorist attack in the history of humankind.

1,000 reasons John McCain shouldn't be President

Number 71: he is bought and paid for!

Today in word association

Pot is to kettle as Captain Codpiece is to ????

Our great leader tells China to end detentions and ensure freedoms. Perhaps he has got confused and he thinks that "contraction and conversion" is meant to apply to human rights and not to greenhouse gas emissions!

It may take most people six steps to get to Kevin Bacon....

...but it only takes corrupt Italian PM Silvio Berlusconi one step to get to John Ashcroft. The former US Attorney General, who we only remember fondly now because of those who have followed him, famously spent thousands of dollars of US taxpayer money to cover the shameful nudity displayed by a statue of the "Spirit of Justice" in his office. Now the normally less bashful Sr. Berlusconi has had the has had the naked breast in a copy of the painting "La Verita Svelata dal Tempo (The Truth Unveiled by Time)" so that his status as a faux statesman is not muddied by his head sharing a camera shot with Truth's Tit when he gives a press conference.

It can only be a matter of time before some other equally idiotic player on the global stage finishes off the "Truth, Justice and the American Way" hidden breast trifecta!

Hey - free oil!!! (This is not spam)

But only if you're an oil company and don't really need it!

Special Saturday unintentionally ironic headline of the day"

Courtesy of Ms. Maglalang: "Rush Limbaugh: 20 years of excellence in broadcasting"

"Because he'll be good for the piccaninnies!"

London's gaffe prone Tory Mayor has come out in support of Barrack Obama. I'm sure he'll fuck it up at some point.

Christ they'll say anything!!

That long standing member of the elite, liberal America media, The Wall Street Journal puts forward the thoughtful argument that Senator Obama isn't fat enough to be President and that he's too fit.

Curiously they seem to have failed to make the same argument against the current illegitimate resident of the Oval Office.

Has anyone seen the Fourth Amendment?

It seems to have gone missing again. Perhaps it is just on holiday. The United States Department of Homeland Security now says that it can seize "laptops...hard drives, flash drives, cell phones, iPods, pagers, beepers, and video and audio tapes -- as well as books, pamphlets and other written materials" without any suspicion or probable cause.

America - it used to be such a nice country!

Headline of the day (special Saturday edition)

This story comes to us courtesy of our friends in western Sweden: "Motorcycle hit by flying elk. (Are they really sure it wasn't a reindeer?)

1,000 reasons John McCain shouldn't be President

Number 70: he and his campaign are claiming that Senator Obama is playing the race card. One does have to admit that they have a point. The junior Senator clearly started it by have the audacity to have a black father!

Couldn't they just use foot tapping?

Healine of the day: "Craig's Oral Arguments Set for September"!

Suspected terrorist commits suicide...

...shortly before being charged. I await the chorus of outrage from those self-important voices on the right who certainly condemn all terrorists even if they're white, Christian and American! They must feel cheated that Dr. Ivins never had the opportunity to be tortured interrogate in an enhanced and thoroughly Twenty First Century way.