31 July 2008


Science explains Ann Coulter, or at least her Adam's Apple!

"I told you not to fuck me Tony"

Why, oh why does Ecuador hate freedom so much that they would dare to insist that their national sovereignty outweighs the "right" of Chevron to make ever more obscene profits?

Would you like ice with that?

It is a bloody good thing that global warming is myth cooked up by Al Gore to enable him to win an undeserved Oscar AND an undeserved Nobel Prize because if it were not this would be most worrisome.

Lying in the defense of Captain Codpiece and other Republican cunts freedom

Surely this is a violation of the standards expected a US military officer that warrants Captain Porter's dishonourable discharge,. Right?

It's hot out there!!!

And that includes Reykjavik!

1,000 reasons John McCain shouldn't be President

Number 68: his shadow and loyal supporter Senator Joe Lieberman (Republi-dent - CT) is, in addition to being a complete and utter twat, a terrorist enabler!

In which I predict that...

...should the Karl Rove contempt citation ever lead to an arrest and a perp walk that the video of said arrest will be YouTube's most viewed ever by several orders of magnitude! (Please let it happen, please, please, please!!!!)

Lie back and think of religious freedom

The patently absurd proposals of right wing politicians in America that (their kind of) Christians, who have taken up a career prohibited by their understanding of their religion, should be allowed to pick and chose which aspects of care they provide to those in their care will see rape victims raped twice.

As long as the bill will allow Quakers to seek employment in the defense industry and then refuse to work on weapons systems and Jews and Muslims to take up work in pig slaughterhouse and then refuse to have anything to do with the pigs I reckon is OK. I wonder if Scientologist pharmacists be able to refuse to dispense anti-depressants as well.

1,000 reasons John McCain shouldn't be President

Number 67: his wife is soon to be "earning" her considerable income as a Budweiser toting Communist fifth columnist!

Whatever happened to rights coming with responsibilities?

A Georgia man was arrested and held for more than half a day because he left his hand gun lying on his bed in his hotel room; when he wasn't there. He was arrested because the hotel he was staying in belonged to the University of Georgia which means it is a "safety zone", whatever the hell that means in Georgia. There is no mention that he should be locked up, and the key thrown away, for leaving an unsecured weapons lying around in a semi-public space. If that isn't a fucking crime in Georgia the bloody legislature needs to get to work!


The WTO Doha round - 2001 - 2006.

1,000 reasons John McCain shouldn't be President

Number 66: his lips keep moving!

And grown men wept

The imposition of unfettered free market policies in conjunction with years of near anarchy, supported by the administrations of both Bill Clinton and Captain Codpiece, and soaring world food prices means many in Haiti are reduced to eating mud. Yes. Mud. It makes me feel good all over.

Today in Schadenfreude

The uncrowned King of Pork and Earmarks, Alaska's Senator Ted Stevens, is finally indicted seven counts of being Ted Stevens.

And grown men wept

The imposition of unfettered free market policies in conjunction with years of near anarchy, supported by the administrations of both Bill Clinton and Captain Codpiece, and soaring world food prices means many in Haiti are reduced to eating mud. Yes. Mud. It makes me feel good all over.

"Whatever you do don't mention the CIA...

...I did it once and I'm still stuck at the Guantánamo Bay Beach and Leisure Club.

Log Cabin Republicans need not apply

Under the brutally efficient regime of Monica Goodling at the US Department of (In)Justice not only did one have to be loyal, rabid, right wing Republican to get or keep a job one had to be straight too! I'll bet that we eventually find out that one had to be right handed as well.

In which I personally support the troops...

...now that they've told "I'm a Big" Dick Cheney to go fuck off after his security demands including locking a bunch of injured war veterans with prosthetic limbs, who curiously include zero members of the "our priorities are elsewhere" Cheney clan, in a room for two hours before His Heartless Eminence arrived and prevented them from leaving before he finished speaking.

Well done lads!

Bush adminstration accuses itself of breaking the law...

...and for some reason the American broadcast media failed to notice. I imagine they're waiting for the indictments that will never come.

It's a record!

Captain Codpiece and his evil minions are (apparently less than) proud to announce the nation's biggest ever deficit at $490 billion, or just over $1600 for every man woman and child in the country; especially the children.

Even better this number does not include the cost of the war in Iraq. This is like working out one's net worth without including the cost of your mortgage; we'd all be much richer that way. Of course it probably is just good business practice to keep one's illegal activities in a separate, and easily shreddable, set of books!

It is the best of times, it is the worst of times

After six years of the inept reign of His Imperial Highness Emperor George the Last it is good to know that he has done well by a least a small percentage of the population as America's richest 1% grab the largest share of American income since 1929 and what a year that was! At the same time their tax rate has fallen to the lowest level in nearly two decades. The other 99% aren't doing nearly as well.

Imagine if you will

Imagine that a Muslim had launched a gun attack on an American church because of it's religious beliefs. The rabidly right wing American press, bravely led by Rupert Murdoch's Faux News would be screaming about the terror attack on American soil. Curiously however when a white Christian gunman attacks an American church because of its religious views the word "terror" barely gets a mention. I am sure that this does not represent, in any way, a double standard.

Oh, and if they had found even one page of writing by anyone to the left of centre the pundits would be decrying the "politics of hate" and demanding their imprisonment. However when it turns out the suspect is a fan of extreme right wing TV "journalists" again hardly a mention.

I am certain that there is a logical explanation!

29 July 2008

Attack of the K Street tomatoes

Remember those pesky salmonella tainted tomatoes not so long ago. You remember, the ones no one has as yet figured out where they came from. Well it seems that the reason non one has as yet figured out where they came from is due to the unstinting efforts of highly paid lobbyists for the food industry who wanted to make sure no one could know where they came from reduce unnecessary and costly paperwork.

26 July 2008

1,000 reasons John McCain shouldn't be President

Number 65: deep down he really won't support the troops.

Attention Minutemen!

As if you were not stretched thin enough already working valiantly to ensure that the residents of the Hamptons go without pool boys and house cleaners but now you've got to be on the look out for lorry loads of dodgy jalapeños as well.

We really don't pay you enough!

Finally - China becomes a democracy!!

The Chinese authorities have belatedly decided to provide "free speech zones" during the Olympics and everyone knows that free speech zones are as good as free speech or they wouldn't be allowed in America, right?

He is not a bun!

So Obama has had his big moment in Berlin only to further anger the true protectors of American values by having the temerity to put up posters in German in Germany. Meanwhile I'm sure that people in the Philadelphia area, seeing headlines about the Senator's appearance in Berlin, are wondering why it's such a big deal that he visited New Jersey.

Today in Schadenfreude (or is it quote of the week?)

"We're fucked." The reaction of a leading Republicon strategist to the statement by the Iraqi Prime Minister essentially demanding a timebable for the withdrawal of the occupying American troops.

1,000 reasons John McCain shouldn't be President

Number 64: remember the New Math? Well last week the Aged One invented the New Geography. In this new "science" Pakistan and Iraq seem to have a border. It is of course possible, one might say probable, that in the Arizona Senator's mind he has already illegally invaded Iran, conquered it and split the territory amongst it's neighbours.

The end of a beautiful friendship?

The foreign affairs of the select committee in the British House of Commons has come to the conclusion that the British government can no longer trust the American government when it says it does not torture. Well who needs the bloody Brits anyway. I think Fiji's still on our side.

And he knows whereof he speaks!

In Houston the other day Captain Codpiece told his twelve remaining supporters that "Wall Street got drunk" which, I assume, explains everything and as soon as they get a fry up in them and a couple of Bloody Marys all will be well!

The 5% solution

In the California town of Merced nearly 5% of its homes has been foreclosed in the past year. But there's always an upside; Mrs. Codpiece might be able to get a bargain on her new house in Dallas.

A marriage made in heaven!

McDonald's corporation, who has been bringing nutrition to America's youth for generations has a deal with Faux News in La, who has been bringing a peculiar version of the truth to America's voters for far too long, that will see product placement coming to your local newscast. With the introduction of digital one can only assume that one will be able to push the red button to supersize your news.

But he's an evil doer!!

US Navy Captain Keith J. Allred, the judge overseeing the trail of Osama bin Laden's former driver Salim Ahmed Hamdan in the luxurious courtroom at the palatial Guantánamo Bay Beach and Leisure Resort, has barred the introduction of some of Hamdan's statements into evidence just because he may have been tortured roughed up a bit. Why does Captain Allred hate freedom? One can only assume that the Captain will mysteriously disappear shortly.

1,000 reasons John McCain shouldn't be President

Number 63: he's so worried that the Social Security trust fund is going to go broke he isn't waiting until he retires to his money out! For fuck's sake John. Your wife's worth something in the neighbourhood of $100 million. Can't you just ask he to up your allowance and leave something for the little people?

The following is a message from the Right Reverend Dr. James Dobson

"Won't someone please stop me before I endorse again!"

Some Saturday levity

There's a new episode of "Fun with War Crimes" (not for the faint of heart).

A trial balloon

Well it was really just a matter of time wasn't it? Our dear friends at Family Security Matters have ever so subtly put forward the suggestion that Captain Codpiece be made President for Life whilst there's still time! Well as long as it done with good faith and in the true spirit of American democracy.

22 July 2008

1,000 reasons John McCain shouldn't be President

Number 62: he (or his ghost writers) isn't even qualified to write a simple opinion piece.

Activist judges free Janet Jackson's tits!

The US 3rd Circuit Court of Appeals has overturned the FCC's ludicrous half million USD fine for the nano-second glimpse we got of her breast piercings during the Super Bowl a couple of years ago. Why does no one even note that you see a hundred times the amount the breast flesh during the obligatory cleavage panning shot of the cheerleaders before every prime time game?

Free markets kill

A new study from a researcher at Cambridge University makes a link between IMF mandated cuts in universal healthcare in Eastern European with increases in the rate of tuberculosis there. The study fails to discuss whether these people are using their best judgement by infecting themselves after a careful cost/benefit analysis.

Put your head between your knees...

...and kiss your habeas corpus goodbye. Despite all his fine talk it appears that Captain Codpiece has no intentions to follow the law despite the Supreme Court's unequivocal ruling!

19 July 2008

Hey America think you've got it bad?

Never mind. It could be worse you could be a Zimbabwean. They must be paying over 3 billion dollars for a gallon of gasoline!

You can check out anytime you want...

...but you'll need a helicopter to the airport because you wouldn't want to leave the Green Zone after you weekend getaway at the Hotel Baghdad.

Faux and (un)balanced

The American airwaves are alive as one network accuses another of bias and, to our immense amusement, the accusations are coming from the home of Fauxness!

Thank God it's only a "time horizon"...

...because if Bush and al-Maliki had agreed to a timetable instead it would mean that the terrorists have won!

I didn't mean to be right!

I have long semi-jokingly described America as a first world nation and a third world nation sharing the same geography. It seems that I may have been right at we all should be shamed by the 30 year gap in life expectancy between the states of Mississippi and Connecticut.

Larry Craig will not go gently into his goodnight

He doesn't want those dern ferners to jerk us around by our "gas nozzles" with a possible exemption for airports men's' rooms!

Has Captain Codpiece been possessed by aliens that don't know his habits?

I could have sworn he had said that he would never talk to terrorists and if those evil Iranians with their unpronounceable names aren't terrorists, well who is?

1,000 reasons John McCain shouldn't be President

Number 61: he's cheating on your taxes!

The one million name list

America's list of potential terrorists has now reached seven figures. Any predictions as to when it will reach eight figures? But don't worry. If you're not an evil doer you have nothing to worry about unless you might want to fly somewhere.

Now I'm not saying he'd shouldn't have gone to Tony Snow's funeral...

...but you would think that someday before he slinks back off to Texas he might have the humility and courage to finally attend to the funeral of a soldier whose death he has done so much to cause.

Guilty as charged!!!

Those dangerous freedom haters and terrorist enablers at the International Red Cross has found that the administration of Captain Codpiece and his evil minions have probably committed war crimes. The mere prospect of Bush, Rumsfeld and Cheney having to face a court someday, probably in Europe, is making exciting things happen to my ever so patriotic little man downstairs!

"So like how much to find out what he's hiding in that codpiece?"

Only about $250,000 apparently which surely is value for money!

This Stella's for you!!

I wonder if the takeover of Anheuser Busch by Belgian brewers InBev will mean America's favourite beer will eventually become drinkable. In any case I think Americans should be prepared for the purchase of more of the country's crown jewels by Europeans and others as the value of the dollar slips away into oblivion. I wouldn't worry about any of the car manufacturers being gobbled up though. After all who would want them.

I don't suppose anyone notified you but...

...last weekend there was yet another terrorist attack on American soil, this time in the form of a firebomb attack on the US consulate in Okinawa. Fortunately no one was injured.

16 July 2008

Even if it walks like a timetable...

...and talks like a timetable I wouldn't be worried that it is actually a timetable. It's probably just an election!

In related news....

...the headline most likely to be misinterpreted in Britain: "Fannie Plan a Disaster". If, as an American, you don't understand why this is likely to be misinterpreted I offer you this advice. Should you ever come to Britain on holiday and your four year old girl starts misbehaving in the airport whatever you do don't tell her "if you don't behave I'm going to spank your fanny". If you do you are likely to have a long, and potentially unpleasant, chat with the local constabulary.

America goes socialist....

...and the socialists approve. I wonder how the American taxpayer feels as the owner of two new banks!

12 July 2008

Pro-life irony

The fervently pro-life Bush administration has materially lowered the value of a human life. I shit you not.

Things to do this afternoon

1) Pop round the bookies and put £50 on oil to hit $200 a barrel before Captain Codpiece checks out!

For those of you who still doubt that Captain Codpiece is nothing but an immature, spoiled, elitist frat boy...

...I give you his goodbye "joke" to the G8.

Please pay attention I'm only going to say this once!

Americans do not have a God given right to cheap petrol and praying to God for cheap petrol is a useless exercise. If She really is God She surely has more important things to do and if She isn't God She won't be able to do anything! Got it?

If Jesus was an ice cream what flavour would he be?

Spumoni apparently! I don't know about you but I really can't see this one at all.


I was certainly never a fan of enabler par excellence Tony Snow but it is nonetheless sad that he has succumbed to cancer at the tender age of 53.

Are all Republi-cons ho-mo-sexual?

Here we go again the Internets are buzzing with the story that virulently anti-gay (and anti-sex toy) Alabama Attorney General Troy King was caught by his undoubtedly-soon-to-be-ex-wife in flagrante delicto with his male aid. There is no word as to whether there was a sex toy involved as well.

Someone ring Interpol!

International fugitive from justice Karl Rove has defied a Congressional subpoena and fled the country!

If it walks like a timetable...

...and talks like a timetable it's probably a timetable. The Iraqi government has indicated that they will not accept any security deal with the US without a timetable for cutting and running withdrawal! Why do they want the evil doers to win and why don't they want ExxonMobil to have their oil?

It can't happen here!!!

Or maybe it can. The American FBI is considering changes to its rules that would allow it to investigate Americans without any evidence of a crime solely on the basis of their religion or ethnicity. Of course since the religion in question isn't Christianity and the ethnicity isn't pasty and white I am certain that the American right will love the idea!

10 July 2008

Hero of the day

L.F. Eason III of Raleigh NC gave up the only job that he had ever had rather than lower the US flag to "honour" racist pig Jesse Helms.

Show him some love!

So much for "no terrorist attacks on American soil"

Because embassies and consulates ARE AMERICAN SOIL. I thought you should know.

And the incompetence continues!

Let's get tough on Iran by ensuring that, during the reign of Captain Codpiece, US trade with Iran increased 10 fold! Well done everyone.

Finally after 7.5 years Captain Codpiece and his evil minions get something right!

And then fucking go and apologise for it! After the White House gave out a biographic sketch of Italian PM Silvio Berlusconi, lifted directly from the Encyclopedia of World Biography, that quite truthfully states, and I paraphrase here, that Berlusconi is a sleazy and corrupt opportunist (with a fetish for giving himself immunity from prosecution as soon as he gets into office).

Well I have a few words for deputy White House spokesmodel Tony Fratto the bio that you released may not reflect the opinion of Our Great Leader or the US government but they certainly reflect the opinion of any American who has any grasp of what is happening in the wider world! You, Mr. Fratto, do not speak for me!

08 July 2008

Where are the statisticians?

Wolf Blitzer and CNN do an adequate job of showing us where the liars are (as if we didn't know)!

The angrier I get

The more I think about Captain Codpiece's latest little lie to us the angrier I get. This lie, and the consequences of his obfuscation will probably lead to more deaths than the illegal invasion of Iraq and orders of magnitudes more than the undoubtedly tragic attacks of 11 September 2001. The ever increasing price of food, which we now know is driven largely by America's shift to subsidised bio-fuels, is a global tragedy in the making. The poor are driven to desperation. The desperate are driven to starvation. The starving are driven to death. On his watch. Whilst he lies about and the World Bank swears to it. If he had a conscience one would wonder how he sleeps nights.

05 July 2008

It all depends on what the meaning of "I don't know anything about economics" is

Despite copious video evidence to the contrary The Aged One is trying to claims that he has never said that he doesn't know anything about economics. I think we should given him the benefit of the doubt; at his age the first thing to go is short term memory!

Surprise! Surprise!

Captain Codpiece has been lying to us again; I assume that no one is surprised by this. Remember back when he made the specious claim that bio fuels only accounted for 3% or 4% of the rise in world food prices? Well even the World Bank knew he was lying. But as an American client, the term use of the word "world" in the bank's name is just about as appropriate as the use of the same word in "world series", the bank has been keeping it secret for Georgie doesn't get upset.

Today in Schadenfreude

The American Family Association informs us about the shameless infiltration of the US Olympic squad by ho-mo-sexuals!

We don't call it Faux News for nothing

Shame that the aren't very good with PhotoShop!

America's Christian heritage!

President Thomas Jefferson rewrote the Gospels. He essentially took out all the religion, including the resurrection, and leaving just the philosophy. I could almost live with that.

Gone but not forgiven

Former Senator and legendary racist Jesse Helms has died at the age of 86 and, no President Bush, he was not a great patriot!

Bad to worse

Whilst there is moderately good news from Iraq with continuing declines in violence the story from Afghanistan, the war the press forget, just keeps getting worse; especially if you are a Marine.

As if their skunk wasn't strong enough already

The recent Dutch smoking ban means that ones now has to smoke one's cannabis full strength rather than cut it with tobacco. I don't suppose this is going to make it any easier to get out of the coffee shop.

01 July 2008

Goodbye and thanks for all the (ornamental) fish!*

Bureaucracy is not a science; it's an art. If you don't believe that I give you this quote from the introduction to the Intrastat Classification Nomenclature as thoughtfully provided by the UK Tariff and Statistical Office of Her Majesty's Customs and Excise:

"Another example is ornamental fish, which can, in theory, be classified under heading 0106 ('Other live animals') or heading 0301 ('Live fish'). However, on the basis of note 1a of Chapter 1 and the first sentence of general rule 3a, it is clear that ornamental fish are to be classified under heading 0301."

I am certain that you are all much relieved.

*With sincere apologies to the late, lamented and much missed Douglas Adams.