30 September 2007

A hiatus

After nearly fifteen years some of my family have finally decided to visit me. They arrive on Saturday, 22/9, for a week's visit and bit with their shiny new passports. So posting shall be light to non-existent through 30/9. Any new posts will appear below this in the interim.

Enjoy the silence!

Update: I've survived three days and, as I sent them off to the theatre tonight, had a few hours for a few posts (found below). Don't know if I'll be back before Sunday.

The Freedom Agenda

Pakistanis demonstrating against the enlightened rule of President Pervez "The General" Musharraf strayed outside of the designated, if tiny, free speech zone and were quite rightly beaten by the police. Captain Codpiece is believed to have rung The General and offered his congratulations.

This isn't sporting!

But then we have a Vice President who likes hunting tame birds so I reckon that baiting Iraqis to their death probably isn't banned in the rules of engagement.

Shareholder value! Shareholder value!

So where does the Burmese junta get the money to keep on going despite sanctions and global disapproval. Pick an oil company. Go on. Pick one!

Connecticut Bishops to go to Hell!

Agree to allow baby killing in their hospitals. Il Papa wants to know where the hell Connecticut is.

No Newts!

The Newtster will not run for the Presidential nomination of the Repugnican Party.

Let's bomb Iran

Before you disregard this story about Captain Codpiece's plans to bomb Iran before he leaves office remember that the Telegraph is a committed right wing newspaper.

Just plain wrong

John McCain, playing to the Republican base, grossly misinterprets the thinking of the framers of the US Constitution.

"I would probably have to say yes, that the Constitution established the United States of America as a Christian nation."

All fall down

Yesterday at Sellafield...

Oh dear

Another sign that the American economy is clearly cruising along effortless is to be found in the fact that one Canadian dollar is now worth more than one US dollar for the first time in over three decades.

"Hey Mahmoud we're right here!"

It turns out that there are gays in Iran after all. Ahmadinejad must not be hanging out in the right places.

A good question

In today's Observer Joanna Bourke asks "Can terrorism destroy democracy?" Personally I don't think that it can unaided but it can, and there is significant demonstrable evidence of this already, allow democracy to destroy itself.

Tory double bluff

Fresh faced young Tory leader David Cameron has used the occasion of the opening of the party conference to call for a snap election. The problem with this of course is that, as the opposition leader, he actually cannot call for a snap election. Details, details.

The other problem is that his party is looking extremely vulnerable in the polls and, barring extraordinary events which cannot be ruled out, is likely to be defeated and lose ground as well should the Prime Minister decide that this is a propitious time to go to the people.

Phighting Phils update

Well, it's not exactly 1964 but they still have immense potential to disappoint.

This isn't any easier from 3,000 miles away.

29 September 2007

Today in interior design

The Senator Larry (Still Not Gay - ID) Craig memorial gents toilets at Minneapolis airport are set to get a make over with new dividers to protect those not at all gay individuals with wide stances who use them from unwanted approaches by the local police.

The market has spoken

And Blackwater USA should be rewarded for its shooting of Iraqi civilians with a new 92 million USD contract by the Pentagon. Bubbly all around then!

Japan wants to eliminate ALL nuclear weapons

I assume that Captain Codpiece is not amused.

It works! We are saved!

The US finally managed to shoot something down in a "successful" text of the son-of-the-son-of-the-son-of-Star Wars missile defence system.

I assume this means that we don't have to invade Iran now!

Today in infamy

One year ago today US Representative Mark (Ex-Gay - FL) resigned from the House after news of his less than pure pursuit of underage, male Congressional pages came to light.

Where is he now?

Impeachment is too good for him

If this story is true, that there was a possibility before the illegal invasion of Iraq in 2003 that Saddam Hussein could have been allowed to go into exile with some of his money, then I don't know what punishment Captain Codpiece should receive but he should not be allowed to go quietly into his retirement and "make some money".

Attack of the killer amoeba

You may wish to think twice about swimming in an American lake. The Naegleria fowleri amoeba, which enters the human body and eats the brain, is becoming more common in American waters as water temperatures rise. So think before you swim.

Well as long as the bloody fish aren't gay

It appears that the fall from grace of Senator Larry (Not Now and Never Has Been Gay - ID) might mean good news for salmon in the Pacific Northwest. This assumes that the not at all gay Senator ever becomes a not at all ex-gay ex-Senator.

Captain Codpiece's bad parenting

Clearly President Bush and the missus have failed as good, Christian parents. How else can one explain that his daughter Jenna has written a book in which she says, and I quote, "the best way to protect yourself from HIV is to be faithful to your partner and use a condom". Whatever happened to the abstinence thing?

Phighting Phils update

Well what do you know? The Phillies are in first as of 29/9! What's the magic number?

Tory desperation?

David Cameron is obviously worried about the prospect of an early election. And what does a true Conservative do when he or she is behind in the polls? Get their middle class tax cuts out.

It's lonely at the top

Pity poor George W. Bush. The Chinese and the Indians want no part of his bizarre efforts to lead us boldly into a CO2-less future and Europeans have told him to fuck off. This is what happens when one comes late to the party.

And what exactly is the Decider's big idea on climate change? No limits, no targets. I think of it as the Woodstock solution. Maybe if we try real hard we can stop the CO2. He truly is a man of his generation, isn't he?

28 September 2007

Get your conspiracy theories right here!

Archbishop Francisco Chimoio is the head of the Roman Catholic Church in Mozambique. He also appears to be a bit, well, confused. He seems to think that condoms smothered in the HIV virus are being used to eliminate Africans.

Topsy turvy world

The US is officially a sectarian state, if you don't believe this to be true you should stop reading now and go brush up on the Constitution and the Federalist Papers, and yet the teaching of the Christian creation myth as science is making inroads across the country.

The UK is officially a Christian state and yet the teaching of creationism as science in banned in the country's schools.

WTF, over?

Mercenaries are a very bad idea

If you don't believe me, and I won't be hurt if you don't, read this.

The Curt Weldonmobile comes to Baghdad

The badly designed, poorly made, used V-22 Osprey is set to make its combat debut in Iraq. If Hollywood ever makes an Osprey Down feature film and it's a success there should be no shortage of sequels.

We report - you decide

Huntsville AL is planning nuclear fallout shelters for 300,000 people. The shelter space is required either because al Qaeda has Huntsville high on it list of target cities in America, probably due to faulty intelligence, or because of concerns over plans to build two new nuclear power plants nearby.

My vote is for the second option.

Is our childrens healing?

Not if Captain Codpiece gets his way.

Is our childrens learning?

Not in Florida! Or in Michigan for that matter as that is where the above photo is from.

No meaningless loyalty oath left behind

Around fifty students at Boulder (CO) High School are continuing their protests and boycott of the mechanical recitation of the pledge of allegiance during class time when they should be busy with rote learning in order to pass the tests that the Decider(TM) has imposed on schools thereby preventing any real teaching.

Oh, and they also don't like the (blatantly unconstitutional) "under God" bit. Before all of the traditionalists get pissed off at me for wanting to change our country's founders desires they should remember that "under God" bit in the pledge was slipped in during 1954 whilst the country was busy looking for commies under their beds.

I should also note that I, along with several others, was suspended from my alma mater, Unionville (PA) High School, for refusing to stand during the pledge; a punishment that was later lifted after a complicated comprimise agreement.
My congratulations and support to the Boulder protestors!

Progress report

Afghanistan this time. It looks as if hard won territory, taken by British troops this summer, is likely to be lost over the winter and will have to be fought over once again next year.

This is a damn shame as things seem to be going swimmingly elsewhere in the country!

Canadian currency crisis

The falling US dollar and rising Canadian dollar is having a severe and negative impact on exports of Cannabis sativa to the United States. Will the Bank of Canada intervene?

In memorium

Wolfgang Panofsky; physicist, Manhattan Project team member and peace activist; dead at 88.

Jesus saves Jena!

He must be fond of the letter "J".

No word on why Jesus hung the nooses in the tree in the first place.

I assume that the calls for District Attorney Walters resignation in light of his clear disdain for the separation of church and state, as demonstrated by his allowing Jesus to do his job for him, are already deafening. Or, given that this is Louisiana, he will be running for Governor soon.

Lights out in Britain

High energy light bulbs to be phased out in the UK by 2012. Already phased out in my flat!

A case for intervention

What do you suppose would happen in Myanmar, which our President believes to called Burma, if the United States and the west told the junta "stop killing your people" or our military will be there in about six weeks time, they will kick your arse and deliver you to the ICC for trial? After all these are people, unlike the Iraqis before the illegal invasion and occupation, who are clearly demonstrating their desire for the removal of their undemocratic, illegal and repressive regime. I also hear that there are many lovely flowers in Myanmar.

Oh, wait a second. They haven't any oil. I'm just being silly.

Headline of the day

"Bush under the microscope at Washington climate talks".

Apparently they are looking for either his conscience or his brain. No word if they had any success in this regard.

Communism infiltrates British business

The Cardiff Chamber of Commerce is calling for user fees on the roadways which would force motorists to pay their own way and surrender their God given right to drive anywhere they want, any time they want and be subsidised by the taxpayer.

Why does the Cardiff Chamber of Commerce hate freedom? (I've always been suspicious of those Welsh. I mean can you really trust rugby playing miners who can sing?)

The future's bright, the future's Brown

Sometime this weekend we should expect British Prime Minister Gordon Brown to wake up and say to the missus: "I love the smell of ballots in the morning, they smell like victory". Then the fun is on.

Captain Codpiece's new green suit

The Decider(TM) has convened his owned private party in which the rich nations would decide how to resolve the problem of global climate change without impacting the profits of multinational oil companies.

Is it just me or does he look like shit in green?

The phighting Phils...

...are now tied for first place in the NL East with the Mets.

He's back

Senator Larry Craig (No Gay - ID) remains a US Senator and has used the occasion of his vote in the Senate to prove he continues in his non-gayness but voting against a bill that would have protected gays, amongst others, from hate crimes.

Nice one Larry.

What do you mean other families are allowed to be President?

Is it time to break the family deadlock on the White House? 40% of Americans have never lived when there was anyone other than a Bush or Clinton as President.

27 September 2007

What does that look like to you?

The US Navy is to spend 600K USD to remodel a barracks in San Diego that looks exactly like a swastika when viewed on Google Earth.

We're number one!

Blackwater USA shoots more Iraqis than any other mercenary organisation in Iraq.

May I be the first to offer my heartfelt congratulations?

"Is our children learning?"

Yes - our "childrens" is!

What a fucking prat!

Whadaya know?

We still got a pennant race. Quite an accomplishment without a functioning pitching staff.

Nonetheless as a third generation and long suffering Phillies fan I have no doubt that they will disappoint once again!

Bill-o doomed!

The fate of Faux News bigot talk show host Bill O'Reilly has been sealed. The story of his amazement over the fact that black folk have table manners has been picked up by the Guardian.

So long Bill-o; it ain't been good to know you.

Democrats to try to pass hate crime bill

Hope to confuse Republicans into thinking it is an opportunity to state clearly that they "hate crime".

"I fart in your general direction"

Watch Bill Donohue, the strident and irrational face of the American Catholic League, tell us that an argument is flatulent on Crooks and Liars.

You have been warned!

John Sawers, the British ambassador to the United Nations, said yesterday that "the age of impunity is dead and people will be held accountable for their actions they take". So I reckon this means that Captain Codpiece can expect prosecution for his war crimes.

Uh oh. Wait a minute. He was talking about Myanmar. Nevermind.

Show us the money

What's another 42 billion USD amongst friends? After all the future of western civilisation as we know it is at risk.

26 September 2007

My pet goat

The city of Seattle looks set to allow residents to keep goats as pets. Personally I believe this is a last minute attempt to lure the Captain Codpiece Presidential Library away from Texas.

I'm sure they were just harmless pranks

Two separate incidents in which nooses were left on the belongings of black cadets at the US Coast Guard Academy are finally under investigation after complaints from Congressman Elijah E. Cummings (D - MD). Rumours that the cadets in question are from Jena LA cannot be confirmed at this time.

An "I" country is looking to flout international rules on nuclear weapons

Let's invade!!

Oh, wait just a second buddy. The "I" country is Israel. Never mind.

Just what do they think they are protecting?

The US's Environmental "Protection" Agency is set to approve the use of methyl iodide, a toxic fumigant, for use on crops despite opposition from the state of California, prominent scientists, environmental groups and farmworkers.

This week in infamy

It is fifty years since the federal government had to use the Army to force the city of Little Rock AR to allow black students to attend their public schools.

We've come a long way, haven't we?

In baseball news

Biggest steroid bust ever; Barry Bonds unable to play.

We report; you decide.

Whilst we are on the subject...

...of things that Captain Codpiece isn't listening to 93%, that's 93%, of Americans say that they want a president who will address environmental issues. Why aren't you listening Georgie?

Do as we say not as we do

Amnesty International has taken the Decider(TM) to task for deciding to decide to call for a renewal of human rights across the globe in his speech at the United Nations whilst cleverly ignoring the fact that violations of human rights by the United States, in the name of the Eternal Global War on Terra, are ever increasing. Not that he or his minions will take any notice of either the criticism or the hypocrisy.

Why can't Captain Codpiece read?

Really. He's a middle aged man with a master's degree from a Ivy League university. So why oh why do the folks who run the teleprompter when he's speaking have to spell things phonetically?

Headline of the day

"Sex Pistols reunion is expanded"

Does this mean Sid is coming back?

25 September 2007

For your listening pleasure

A Philly (area) girl performing live in London. Pink with "Dear Mr. President".

Let's face it - the rich are all bastards!

So this geezer should be honoured to be the Decider's Pater's pool boy and stop whinging.

Sometimes the good guys win

Gordon Brown's government has been forced into a climbdown, although I'm sure that they will spin it so it is not a climbdown, and it would appear that the Remploy factories slated for closure will remain open, saving the jobs of thousands of disabled people.

Coming soon - a royal warrant with your gear!

Prince Chuck has declared Britain's first (legal) cannabis garden open. William and Harry promise to spend more time with Pater.

So why are there any kids in Liverpool?

Men with deep voices have more kids than men with high pitched voices.

I am just wondering

Do you think that Idaho Senator Larry "Not Now and Never Have Been Gay" Craig has any Persian blood in him? It sounds as if he would fit right in.

"I'm sorry Senator Craig...

...we agreed no mulligans.

"Frankly - God told us to sack you"

Steve Bitterman was an instructor at Southwestern Community College in Red Oak Iowa.
I say was because Mr. Bitterman claims that he was sacked after some of his (entirely reasonable) students threatened legal action after he said that he believed that the completely believable story of Adam and Eve should not be taken literally.

I would say that he has quite a good case for constructive dismissal. Unfortunately he lives in Iowa where I suspect the law will be less employee friendly.

We may have given them a democracy but who told them they could do what they want?

The Iraqi government is taking steps that could lead to mercenaries operating in the war torn country being stripped of their immunity from prosectuion. You will recall that the immunity these mercenaries were gifted this immunity under the reign of an American Viceroy who shall remain nameless.

In which I have a brilliant idea

Perhaps if we told people the vaccine was for bladder cancer it wouldn't make them go out and have wanton and illicit sex immediately after the injection like it does when we tell them the same shot is for a sexually transmitted disease.

What do you reckon?

What Bill-o learned this week

Black folks don't talk with their mouths full just like real people do and it found this knowledge very surprising.

What do Jesus and Hitler have in common?

Glenn Beck.

The up side of socialised medicine

Somehow I missed this during Rudy's visit last week but apparently he claimed, with no facts to back it up of course, that he probably would have died from his prostate cancer if he had to rely on the NHS.

In related news if you missed the piece in the Guardian yesterday where 16 NHS workers went to a screening of Sicko and then commented on the film, on American health care and the NHS then go read it. I think the Americans amongst will find it especially enlightening.

Compare and contrast

If you peacefully voice your opposition to President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad you are lauded by diplomats.

If you peacefully oppose the Decider(TM) you get arrested. They probably just strayed outside of the "free speech zone".

It must be the deep fried Mars bars!

Our Celtic friends to the north are nearly as fat as our friends across the great water and closing.

Was that an earthquake or....

Is it really a good idea to build a storage facility for toxic nuclear waste on top of a fault line?

Just a question.

Who says that Americans have no sense of irony?

According to the inestimable Evening Bulletin out of Philadelphia Captain Codpiece thinks that Democrats have no fiscal discipline.

I don't know about you but it brought a cynical smile to my face!


Marcel Marceau est mort.

22 September 2007

I'm going to miss the -

The hyphen is not yet dead but it's not feeling all that well if the Oxford English Dictionary is to be believed. And in all things English it is to be believed.

Has Bush finally slipped over the edge of sanity and delusion into cloud cuckoo land?

I just thought you should have another opportunity to watch Captain Codpiece once again lie about Saddam Hussein. Here he is from his press conference this week accusing the former Iraqi dictator of killing Nelson Mandela. Just a reminder George: Nelson's still alive. Even your propoganda arm says so!

Is this just the most recent and most obvious sign that the man is cracking up? I certainly think so.

Note: some idiot over at Townhall is claiming that the Decider(TM) is is being quoted out of context but fails to explain how.

"Give me your tired..."

America bids welcome to refugees from Africa. Nice eh?

Wing nut alert

Bill-o tells us that the ACLU is in league with al Qaeda. Why is this idiot still on the air? Crooks and Liars has the video.

21 September 2007

Don't blame China

It woz Mattel wot done it.

"I'll have the mushroom omelet please"

Monique DeLozier of Cape May NJ says that she can see angels AND Jesus on the doors of her business. But she is keeping an open mind.
"This is my interpretation. Everybody can think whatever they want."
And I shall, Ms. DeLozier, I shall.

"Won't you get the phone dear?"

America's national "do not call" listings expire next year. I hope you enjoyed your ever so brief peace and quiet.

All Blackwater, all the time

This is a clip of Amy Goodman interviewing Jeremy Scahill, author of Blackwater: The Rise of the World's Most Powerful Mercenary Army, and Doug Brooks of the Orwellianly named International Peace Operations Association, a trade group for mercenary and "security" firms.

Reduce means "to make smaller" or "to lessen" doesn't it?

Perhaps it means the opposite in Hebrew.

Progress report

We have achieved another benchmark! The US Military Cemetery for Fort Riley KS is full. Fortunately the cemetery can bury bodies on top of other bodies if there is no objection from either family.

426 days later...

...we learn that Lancaster County's own Floyd Landis did not win the 2006 Tour de France.

Meanwhile in the City of Brotherly Death...

...the carnage continues unabated. I also wish to award an "Understatement of the Day" Award to Philadelphia's Deputy Police Commissioner Richard Ross who said, and I quote, "obviously, we have some serious concerns about the numbers".

Won't someone please make it stop??!!

The greatest, and also the most frightening, Bushism of all time!

"Where's Mandela? Well Mandela's dead because Saddam Hussein killed all the Mandela's."

Don't anyone tell Nelson. I think he is rather enjoying his retirement and hearing this would only fuck that up!

Hasn't anyone told the Phillies it's September?

We've got ourselves a pennant race!

Aside from almost the entire pitching staff I like what little I've seen of this team.

Whatever you do don't mention Kashmir!

Oops. The CIA did it once but I doubt that they'll get away with it!

Atheism not included

I find this self congratulatory news release from the US State Department, which lauds its efforts to promote religious freedom across the globe and outward into the known (6,000 year old) universe, rather droll in light of this lawsuit against the US Defense Department for suppressing the religious freedom of an atheist soldier.

Scientists discover that the neutron is like an Oreo

There is no suggestion that these same scientists have been caught twisting off the negative exterior and interior so that they can lick the yummy positive interior.

I will not allow this!

I will not allow a narrowly self-defined group to refer to themselves as "values voters" thereby inferring that no one else applies their own deeply held values to the process of deciding for whom they will vote.

I have been voting since 1974 and I have been basing my decisions on my philosophy, my knowledge and my values in every election since. How dare they have to hubris to demean me and every other American who does not subscribe to their theocratic "values"? How dare they?!

Coincidence? I think not

Today we hear the news that scientists have decided that the bones of a small human like creature found in Indonesia four years ago is indeed a distinct species. Named Homo floresiensis, after the island on which the bones were found the creature has been popularly dubbed "the Hobbit" after its diminutive size.

Today is also the 70th anniversary of the publication of Tolkien's The Hobbit.

Cue up the Twilight Zone music.

Well you can tell that the Bush's aren't in charge in Floriday anymore

Florida's Governor Crist has pardoned Richard Paey, an MS sufferer who has already spent three years in prison for trafficking in his own pain medication.

Congratulations Governor Crist. Well done!

Feds cut bait

A federal grand jury investigating corruption associated with Jack Abramoff has subpoenaed the payroll records of a senior aide to Tom Delay, Ed Buckham. Mr. Buckham was viewed as the "gateway to Delay" after he left the congressman's employ and went out on his own. This can only mean that the net is tightening on Mr. Delay. This can only be good!

Either very big hands or very big apples

Federal investigators are reviewing 6 billion (that's 6,000,000,000) USD of contracts related to Iraq and Afghanistan for possible criminal misconduct and corruption but we needn't worry according to witnesses from the military and the Pentagon who appeared before the House Armed Services Committee yesterday. They assure us that this teensy, wheensy problem has been caused by a handful of "bad apples" and is not indicative of systemic corruption and failure. And I believe them!

Strange bedfellows

It would surprise me (and I suspect them) if there was much overlap between the political and philosophical thoughts of myself and the International Association of Police Chiefs. There is one area where our opinions do broadly coincide and that is on the issue of gun crime. They has just released a report entitled "Taking a Stand: Reducing Gun Violence in Our Communities".

"Nearly 30,000 American lives are lost to gun violence each year—a number far higher than in any other developed country. Since 1963, more Americans died by gunfire than perished in combat in the whole of the 20th century.
The impact goes far beyond the dead and injured. Gun violence reaches across borders and jurisdictions and compromises the safety of everyone along the way. No other industrialized country suffers as many gun fatalities and injuries as the United States. And no community or person in America is immune.

Read the rest (PDF) here.

What's in a name?

If you are a tiny country in the Balkans quite a lot actually. Whilst the residents of Skopje are undoubtedly overjoyed with Canada's decision to refer to their country as the "Republic of Macedonia" the same cannot be said of the residents of Athens would insist that it be called the "Former Yugoslav Republic of Macedonaa" as that is the name of a Greek province and they consider the name to belong to them. Greece has threatened to block Macedonia's bid to join the EU and NATO unless this issue is resolved (in Greece's favour).

Today's two for one offer

Two barrels of oil consumed for each barrel found. Is it any wonder that world oil prices are soaring?

"This is Florida...you never know"

I think that Al Gore would second the above opinion of Eugenia Zaki as regards her husbands ongoing battle with his homeowners' association in Sarasota County Florida. Mr. Zaki's statement that "this is America, still, is it not?" is more dubious. Mr. Zaki is originally from Egypt. I do not know if he is a Muslim or not but suspect that he could be mistaken for one. If he is he may run afoul of a Florida "homeowning whilst Muslim" statute and I feel obligated to remind Mr. Zaki that the lavish Guantánamo Bay Beach and Leisure Resort is not all that far away.

It's official!

Captain Codpiece's lame duckness has been duly certified by the state of Israel in the form of Defence Minister Ehud Barak.

Don't look away

The state of Israel is often charged with violations of international law; sometimes with good cause and sometimes not. We cannot allow ourselves to look away as Israel embarks on collective punishment of the Gaza Strip, a practice that is clearly forbidden by the Geneva Conventions. Before anyone suggests that these do not apply in this case Convention IV clearly addresses the responsibilities of an "occupying power" and it cannot be argued that Israel is clearly such an entity in the Gaza, the West Bank and Jerusalem. The only question can be if whether such occupation is legal or illegal and I believe that the United Nations Security Council along with other international organisations has already resolved that.

Before anyone starts I will not accept any accusations of anti-Semitism or anti-Judaism over my position on this issue. Got it? (Anti-Zionism is acceptable and, in fact, I agree that I am anti-Zionist.

Captain Codpiece: "I'm still here".

Yank in London: "Just fuck off will ya?"

In which I scoop The Onion!

As far as I can tell they have not yet covered this important story out of Des Moines, IA.

Note: no root vegetables were harmed in the writing of this post.

Meet the new Saddam, same as the old Saddam

Maclean's Magazine out of Canada has cover story in which they asset that Captain Codpiece is the new Saddam Hussein. When do we invade? I don't care if we have a plan for after the invasion! I want regime change and I want it now!

Blackwater not down!

Wow. That was quick. This administration can do things in a hurry when they want to. It was only yesterday that Captain Codpiece promised to get at the facts in the shootings of civilians in Baghdad that has been attributed mercenaries in the employ of Blackwater USA and already the company is back on the streets.

I'm a dog man not a cat man

Under duress I have lived with cats from time to time but give me a dog any day. However as far as I am concerned if he is guilty of what he has been charged with they can take Tye Hilmo of Dacula GA, lock him up and throw away the key. He is accused of capturing neighbourhood pet felines and feeding them to his pit bull.

I think my RSS Reader is broken

Every day for about the past fortnight I have been getting a story entitled "U.S. dollar at all-time low against euro" showing up. Can these things get stuck?

(Note: no one tell my sister and brother-in-law who are arriving from the states tomorrow for a week's visit.)

Don't they get C-Span in Iraq?

It is obvious that the Iraqi people didn't have the opportunity to watch the exemplary testimony of General Petraeus and Ambassador Crocker last week. If they had watched these fine gentlemen speak they would know how well things are going in their country and they wouldn't be flooding into Syria.

When you are intellectually bankrupt...

...it stands to reason that you will lose the "war of ideas"; and lose badly.

An agent of a lesser, spiteful God

The unmarried and, hopefully, celibate man who is in charge of "family related policy" for the Roman Catholic Church, Cardinal Alfonso López Trujillo, has come out to say that scientists who engage in stem cell research should be excommunicated along with those evil women who have abortions. Well Cardinal Trujillo when the church starts excommunicating priests who abuse their power to rape children and political leaders who start or endorse wars and finance nuclear weapons I might start listening to you. Until then just stop rabbiting on will you?

Have shovel - will dig hole deeper

US Representative Peter King (R-N.Y.) is the senior Republican on the House Homeland Committee and Rudy Giuliani's national security adviser. So when he was quoted as saying that there were "too many" mosques in America you can imagine the stink kicked up by the freedom hating, traitorous lefties. Fortunately he has "clarified" his remarks by saying that what he really meant was that these mosques should be spending less time on spiritual matters and instead devoting their efforts to working for America's secret police. That's really much better don't you think?

Don't forget your flu shots!

This has been an unpaid commercial announcement from the Flu Vaccine Manufacturers Benevolent Association!

"That was the good news Congressman"

The Chairman of the US Federal Reserve, Ben Bernanke, stopped off at Capitol Hill yesterday to tell the House Financial Services Committee that everything isn't just fine. Curiously the headlines in the American press are much more upbeat than those from . I wonder why that could be.

Surely a non-starter in America

Benjamin Sovacool of the Virginia Polytechnic Institute and State University has just concluded a study that says the best solutions for America's energy needs are "green, small and local". The chairmen of several multi-national energy firms are said to find this most amusing and have put out a contract on Mr. Sovalcol's life.

20 September 2007

How different from America is Sweden?

Very, very different indeed. In the US some joker is trying to pass a law that would find television stations about a billion dollars if someone says "shit" just once. Meanwhile in Sweden young women are fighting for their right by demanding that they be allowed to swim topless at the local public pool just like the blokes. Liberated man that I am I wholeheartedly support them in their brave struggle.

(Does Sweden have green cards?)

Praise the Lord and pass the ammunition

Following closely behind the American troops after the illegal invasion of Iraq came the radical Christians. Scary stuff.

"I reckon he'll do"

Snubbed by Il Papa increasingly irrelevant US Secretary of State Conocoleezza Rice is now willing to meet with anyone who will have her.

On the fast track to (American style) democracy

The folks in Hong Kong seem to be getting the hang of this democracy thing if Alan Leong, defeated opponent to the region's leader, is to believed. He says that chief executive Donald Tsang only listens to the tycoons.

And rightly so.

What is it with Welsh butts?

Sian Lloyd has won the coveted "Rear of the Year" award. (Too bad Lembit!)

Didn't Charlotte Church win this about two days after her 16th birthday?

I hate to be the one to break it to you Eddie...

...but I don't think anyone overseas ever watched Leave It to Beaver!

Also - why are you older? The fact that you're not older makes me feel old and I don't like that!

Does this seem odd to you?

It seems odd to me. Given O.J. Simpson extremely well documented history as a flight risk doesn't 175,000 USD for bail seem a bit low?

The unadvertised surge

There are more contractors hired by the US military in Iraq than the US has soldiers. Given the lowly wages that soldiers are paid this doesn't seem cost effective to me.

"What do you mean, am I packed yet?"

How lucky is the New Jersey National Guard? Pretty lucky I'd say. It looks like quite of few of their soldiers are going to get that free trip abroad two years early!

I must have forgotten!

Having spent 157 days charting the long and torturous road to the resignation of former US Attorney General Alberto "Gone-zo" Gonzales I somehow managed to overlook his last day at the office. Fortunately The Daily Show didn't. Crooks and Liars has the video.

"Because it's OK when we do it!"

American General accused of betrayal and failure! Curiously right wingers not upset. Oh, I get it, that's because it is the right wingers themselves who have spotted, and intelligently commented on, the betrayal and failure!

Never mind.

I am beyond words

Just who the hell is this Sherri Shepherd woman and how does someone who admits that she would have to go to the library if her child asked her if the world is round end up on the telly?

And people ask "what's wrong with America?". Well you need ask no longer.

It could happen

1) A prominent politician declares his unswerving opposition to same sex marriage.

2) A child of prominent politician announces that he or she is a homosexual

3) Prominent politician's opposition to same sex marriage suddenly swerves.

It happened to San Diego Mayor Jerry Sanders. Could it happen to US Vice President "I'm a Big" Dick Cheney (and would I have to stop calling him a "big dick" if it did)?

Supporting the troops

In a superior demonstration of what can only be called tortured intensively interrogated logic Mel Martinez, chairman of the Republican National Committee, tells us that the defeated Webb Amendment, which would have set (not very restrictive) limits on the amount of time combat troops can be deployed overseas without time at home somehow "demeans the troops". I fear that his reasoning is too sophisticated for a poor lost soul like me to understand.

"Wow! Omaha was never like this!"

Congratulations to Diane Kholos-Wysocki, associate professor of sociology at the University of Nebraska at Kearney, for arranging the grandmother of all field trips and arranging for eight of her students to travel with her to Thailand in order that they could study Bangkok's red light district personally. Key quote:

"There are just some things you can’t teach out of books...Seeing it and feeling it is just so much more beneficial."

Not all publicity is good publicity

If you are a country and western musician trying to pass yourself off as a great American patriot it is probably not a good idea to refuse to get on a stage at an event to honour policemen, firemen and the military until you get your 20,000 USD in cash. Lee Greenwood has tried it but I don't think it is going to work out for him.

The silence is deafening

I expected a great road of outrage from the Support the Troops Brigade and the 101st Keyboarders over the Republican Party's blatant refusal to support selfsame troops by ensuring that they get at least as much time on American soil as they do in combat zones.

I am terribly, terribly disappointed.

"I need more power!"

Captain Codpiece is trying to convince Congress that he needs even more powers to secretly spy on anyone he wishes; anywhere he wishes; anytime he wishes. I don't understand why he seems to believe that these powers are necessary. Normally if a law prohibits him from doing something he just ignores the law doesn't he?

Progress report

The target date for turning the security all eighteen Iraqi provinces over to local control has slipped once again and is now scheduled for the week immediately following the day on which Crystal Palace FC next wins the Champions' League. (For those of you who do not follow British football and are unaware just how shite my team are this is not going to happen anytime soon!)

Why is Conocoleezza Rice like Sleeping Beauty

Because she has just awoken from a two and a half year nap with the announcement that it is time to move the Middle East peace process forward. Well thank you very much for your insight Dr. Rice. May I call you Conocoleezza?

Germans have a different sort of über-conservative

Meet Gabriele Pauli, a candidate for the leadership the ultra-conservative Christian Social Union in the German state of Bavaria. She thinks that marriages should only be good for seven years and then you'd have to do it all over again. I don't think Fr.Pauli has thought this policy through though as she doesn't mention whether it would apply same sex marriages or whether an alteration of wedding gift protocols will have to be revised. She also fails to explain why this doesn't destroy traditional marriage. Nonetheless I wish her well and hope that she develops some more absurd policies that I will have the opportunity to thoughtfully discuss in the future!

Maybe but you're still a wanker!

During his triumphant tour of London yesterday America's ex-Mayor, Rudy Giuliani, humbly observed that he is "probably one of the four or five best-known Americans in the world". Numbers six and seven are said to be royally pissed off.

Bill-o's brave stand

The ever thoughtful Bill O'Reilly calls the University of Florida student who was tasered during a session with Senator John Kerry the nation's biggest wimp. Mr. O'Reilly, who apparently had once bravely allowed himself to be tasered for a publicity stunt broadcast, says that is "just an electric shock". He also said that the student had been arrested and "just shocked" because he "refused to stop talking". Well, if one can and should be tasered for refusing to stop talking, and I am not taking a stance on this, I think that Bill-o would be so full of electricity that we could use him to light up a medium sized city. It also would be fun to watch.

"I am God and I approve this message"

According to Desde La Fe, the weekly outlet of the Roman Catholic Archdiocese of Mexico City, "a majority of the civil lawsuits brought in the United States are aimed at obtaining large sums of money, and 95 percent of these suits are won by the plaintiffs. It's a sure thing." The publication goes further, accusing Joaquín Aguilar, who is suing Mexican Cardinal Norberto Rivera over his protection of a paedophile priest, of using the suit to get his hands on "money that he could never hope to obtain in Mexico".

Sometimes I am overwhelmingly proud to be an atheist. This is one of those times.

Blackwater down but not yet out

Well surprise, surprise. Despite significant numbers of reported incidents involving shooting and other violence by US mercenaries Blackwater USA the company has almost never been investigated by the State Department.

I think that we can all rest easy now that it is rumoured that the legendary Sergeant Schultz has been put in charge of all future investigations. Nothing, and I mean nothing, will be allowed to slip by unnoticed with the ever vigilant sergeant in charge!

Taser happy

The university kid who got tasered at a Q&A session with Sen. John Kerry is getting almost all of the nation's taser-use column inches but I think that this story, in which cops in Orange County CA used the high tech cattle prod on an autistic runaway fifteen year old deserves some discussion.

Perhaps we should just go back to bull whips.

I wonder if Bush has ever heard of H.L. Mencken

Because if he has this opinion piece that claims, accurately as far as I am concerned, that Captain Codpiece has finally Mencken's presidential prophecy is going to hurt. For those of you who have forgotten, or who are too lazy to click the link, the actual quote is this:
"...all the odds are on the man who is, intrinsically, the most devious and mediocre — the man who can most easily (and) adeptly disperse the notion that his mind is a virtual vacuum. The presidency tends, year by year, to go to such men. As democracy is perfected, the office represents, more closely, the inner soul of the people. We move toward a lofty ideal. On some great and glorious day, the plain folks of the land will reach their heart's desire at last, and the White House will be adorned by a downright moron." (Emphasis mine.)
And it took less than a century to come true!

Misunderestimating God

Do you think that the official Israeli rabbinate actually believes that God is not going to notice that they are not actually selling all of the Jewish farm land in Israel to the country's official shmita goy so that they can continue to harvest crops during what is a Biblically mandated fallow year? I think you will find that if God does indeed exist that She is much smarter than this. I mean if She really did create the universe and all that She is likely to see right through this little subterfuge, don't you think?

If this is the good news...

According to the US government's propaganda outlet, the Voice of America, the number internally displaced refugees in the country has risen to 2.25 million people. This does not count the millions of refugees outside of the country's borders. Much of the internal displaced is as a result of what is essentially ethnic cleansing that is occurring under the eyes, or perhaps with the complicity of the American forces, with formerly mixed neighbourhoods, towns and villages slowly becoming segregated by ethnicity and/or religion.

In case you haven't noticed

As if there isn't enough misery to go around on the planet the number of victims of the recent and ongoing floods in sub-Saharan Africa has risen to around 1.5 million people. The situation is likely to grow much worse as the violent weather has come at harvest time and the crops are rotting in the fields.

Rudy's ego lands in London (it only just fits)

Republican presidential hopeful Rudy Giuliani descended on London yesterday to raise money from the well heeled Republican expats working in the City. Apparently they wouldn't let him bring his humility as carry on baggage and he had to leave it at home.

Nós dizemos adeus ao especial

The head coach of Chelsea FC, Jose Mourinho, has suddenly and unexpectedly resigned from the club citing irreconcilable differences with the side's multi-billionaire megalomaniacal Russian owner Roman Abramovich. There will be tears all over west London over this I suspect.

Personally I just think that he misses his dog.

19 September 2007

I don't know where I stand on this

Deer porn. (Very safe for work!)

This couldn't be politically motivated could it?

For the third straight year the United States has put Venezuela on the list of countries that have "failed demonstrably" to curb drug trafficking. It shares the honour with Burma but not Colombia, Pakistan or Afghanistan. Curious innit?

I also defy anyone to spend a hour or so walking through any American city and then be able to logically argue that the good old US of A doesn't also belong on a list of countries that have "failed demonstrably" to curb drug trafficking.

"If you need me I'll be by the pool"

American diplomats are trapped in Baghdad's Green Zone; where the power is always on, the water always runs and the Pizza Hut is usually open; because the Yank's preferred mercenaries from Blackwater USA can no longer operate in the country.

EGWOT* over!

The world's largest Internet evangelist, one Bill Keller, has called on Osama bin Laden to "repent and turn his life over to Jesus Christ". Now why did no one else think of this?

*Eternal Global War on Terra

Don't let me stop you

Today is Talk-Like-a-Pirate-Day. Get at it!

Happy birthday Ötzi!

Well it's not actually his birthday as far as we know but Ötzi, the alpine ice man, was discovered on this day in 1991 and that's good enough for me.

"A lot, we think"

USAID hasn't a clue as to how many contractors it has in its employ in Iraq.

Ask questions later

A preliminary report for the Iraq government into the incident that has seen the hired guns of Blackwater be banned from operating in the country has said that the mercenaries fired first. The report also says that 20 Iraqis died in the gunfight, a higher number than previously reported. Good thing the Blackwater guys have immunity from prosecution under any law, anywhere, any time.

The universe strikes back

Apparently fed up with what we are doing to the planet the universe has expressed its disgust with our woeful behaviour by sending us a toxic meteor. Unfortunately the aim was bad and the object struck Peru instead of its intended target in Crawford TX.

We report, you decide

From Robert Greenwald an assessment of Faux New's slight tilt when covering the Petreaus testimony.

If you can't trust the tofu...

...then what the hell can you trust?

I really would like to know.

Is it cause she sorta black?

Last month Il Papa refused a request for an audience from increasingly irrelevant US Secretary of State Conocoleezza Rice. That has got to hurt.

"Is that a dildo in your sausage or are you just glad to see me?"

I guess this means that Dubai must be a lot like Alabama.

How did this happen?

It is received wisdom that there are no atheists in foxholes. Are there no foxholes at Ft. Riley in Kansas then? If there are I am at a loss to explain the lawsuit filed by Specialist Jeremy Hall against the US Armed Forces alleging that the Army has suppressed his religious freedom by preventing him from forming an atheist group on the base. Does this mean there is more than one?

I thought that the Founding Fathers wanted us to have a Christians-only army, didn't they?

That's a relief

Anyone who has been concerned about the state of the Zimbabwean economy will undoubtedly be happy to hear that the African state's inflation fell to a mere 6,592.8% last month. Good to see everything is under control then.

Who's watching you?

The ACLU has sued the FBI for refusing to turn over records on the Bureau's surveillance of a number of California Muslim groups. The FBI continues to claim that there are no or very limited records. The admission that there are four pages of records, after months of denial of the existence of anything, seems to be a chink in the FBI's armour.

Meanwhile J. Stephen Tidwell, the FBI's assistant director in charge for Los Angeles, released a statement that said in part: "The FBI does not investigate individuals or groups based on their lawful activities, religious or political beliefs".

So there you have it. If the FBI is investigating you it is because they already know that you have engaged in unlawful activities, religious or political beliefs.

I wonder if they can pick horses as well.

Not likely in the next 488 days

Some folks think it would be a good idea for the United States to ratify the Comprehensive Test Ban Treaty. It's not going to happen, is it?

Look at the list of states that have signed but not ratified the treaty: China, Colombia, Egypt, Indonesia, the Islamic Republic of Iran, Israel, Pakistan and the United States of America . Three other States - the Democratic People's Republic of Korea, India and Pakistan haven't even signed the treaty. Can you spot the trend? Note: Russia is the exception that proves the rule.

Cloud cuckoo land

A 70 year old woman has pleaded not guilty to charges related to attempts by police in Orem UT to ticket her for having a brown lawn. Given the state of the planet and the generally availability of water in the American west shouldn't they be arresting people with green lawns rather than those without them?

Heading the wrong way

Americans are already the most profligate users of private transportation and hence fossil fuels amongst the world's largest nations. Nonetheless the distances and times involved in the country's commutes continue to increase. Perhaps someone should look into this!

Look away now

The Inspector General for the US State Department, Howard Krongard, is under investigation by Congress* after whistle blowers at the State Department alleged that he had interfered with fraud investigations for political purposes. One of the investigations he is accused of quashing is an investigation that First Kuwaiti had abused its foreign workers and possibly engaged in human trafficking as part of its contract to build the palatial, fortified US Embassy in Baghdad.

*Is there a list of senior Bush administration officials who are not under investigation for some kind of political interference in the functioning of the gonverment? Are there enough of them to make a list?

The good ideas just keep coming

Australia already suffers from drought and desertification that only promises to get worse as the planet warms. In order to make them feel better about themselves and ignore what is going on the country is in the process of building the world's longest golf course through a desert. The course is about 1200 km long and will require golfers to drive in a car between holes thereby creating more CO2 which will create more desert so the course can be made longer.

Is thing anything like an "enemy combatant"?

Israel has rather comically named the Gaza Strip as an "enemy entity" which it seems to think will make it OK for them to shut off the power and water to the region. Well I think that they will find that, irrespective of what they call it, their plans still amount to collective punishment which is a violation of international law.

How are the planning to get Gaza to the Guantánamo Bay Beach and Leisure Resort anyway? Are they building a new, Gaza-sized ark?

Conocoleeza gets stroppy

Increasingly irrelevant US Secretary of State Conocoleeza Rice has blasted the head of the UN's International Atomic Energy Agency Mohamed ElBaradei for his comments on the situation as regards Iran. Ms. Rice basically has told Mr. ElBaradei to keep his trap shut and leave diplomacy to the diplomats.

I have one question for Ms. Rice. Where the hell do you expect us to find a diplomat in the Bush administration? You've got to admit I've got you on that one!

Because dropped stiches can kill!

Congleton War Memorial Hospital in Cheshire has banned patients from knitting on health and safety grounds. So all of those kids expecting a brand new jumper for Xmas better hope that Gran gets out of hospital soon!

Spoiled for choice

More than any one else it was the neo-con clique in Washington that drove us to the illegal invasion and occupation of Iraq. More recently they have been beating the drums over Iran. And now there is something stirring in their pants over Syria. What are they to do? Some many targets and so little military to address them. Perhaps they can convince some of the 101st Keyboarders to give up their PJs and enlist.

What did you say?

Human languages are dying out at the rate of one a fortnight according to the Living Tongues Institute for Endangered Languages. The rate seems implausibly high but who am I to argue? The five worst affected areas are an area including bits of Oklahoma, Texas and New Mexico (Native American languages), northern Australia, (Aboriginal languages), central South America (Native American languages), parts of the Pacific Northwest and eastern Siberia. So get out there and learn Amurdag, will ya?

A map of the affected regions and other information is to be found here.

Who goes to Electoral College anyway?

M. Colbert lets us know what the "nefarious" Republicans in California are up to. You have been warned.

Today's gala pseudo-science and wing nuttery showcase

James Dobson's Focus on the Family has latched onto a decidedly unscientific study that purports to prove that one can change one's sexual orientation through religious meditation. The claims are contained in a book entitled Ex—Gays? A Longitudinal Study of Religiously Mediated Change in Sexual Orientation by two researchers from Christian institutions. According to the "study" a whopping 67% of participants experienced "a change toward heterosexual orientation or ... successfully continuing to work towards that goal". Truly amazing.

I hope that Focus on the Family realise that, in believing that "science" can be used to straighten out these long suffering perverts, they are keeping illustrious company.

An admonition for US Senator Larry Craig (Still Not Gay - ID). I do not want to find out that you have utilised these techniques to make yourself gay. OK? You need to remain firmly in the "no now nor ever have been gay" camp without actually becoming camp.

The future's bright; the future's Brown

So a new poll of the British electorate from ICM would have us believe in any case. Despite the "crisis" and sense of financial panic brought on by the threats to Northern Rock the Prime Minister has substantially widened his party's lead over both the Tories and the Lib Dems. Maybe dropping the idea of any early poll, because of the financial situation, was premature.

Imperial immunity

An American Federal court has thrown out a lawsuit against Caterpillar, Inc by the family of Rachel Corrie over Ms. Corrie's death beneath an armoured bulldozer manufactured by the company and operated by Israeli security forces because, as the equipment was primarily paid for by the American government under military aid to Israel the court would be intruding on Executive Branch powers to conduct foreign policy. The court argued that they could not hear the case, which alleged that the company had aided and abetted "war crimes and other serious human rights violations" through the provision of equipment that they knew would be used for illegal activities, "without implicitly questioning, and even condemning, United States foreign policy towards Israel".

Does this tell us that the Executive Branch is immune from any investigation of violations of American or international law in the conduct of foreign policy by any American court? Good thing the International Criminal Court exists! Wait a minute. We never signed up for that did we? I think I now understad why not.

Action man on EGWOT*

Former Lib Dem leader Paddy Ashdown, who is also the chairman of a new commission on terrorism, has come out to say, most explicitly, that the current western strategy to combat terrorism is just plain wrong. In Lord Ashdown's words:

"Our problem is that we have chosen the wrong mindset, the wrong battlefield, the wrong weapons and the wrong strategies to win this campaign. We have chosen to fight an idea, primarily with force."

Rather succinct and to the point I would say but I don't think that Captain Codpiece is going to approve of the analysis.

*Eternal Global War on Terra

The victory of consumerism

44% of Britain's children believe that not having a mobile means you are poor.

I think this means all is lost.

All quiet on the (not) "solid as a Rock" front

Britain's most photogenic Northern Rock branch, right here in Bromley on Market Square, was queueless this morning after the government promised to guarantee savings. It is a bit surprising that the residents of solid Tory Bromley should trust a Labour government but it appears that they have.

18 September 2007

I don't care who did it...

..but whoever is responsible for Vietnam memorial in Washington was wrong and deserves to be punished.

Does this make McCain a "flip flopper"?

I mean both Baptists and Episcopalians are protestant sects. What harm could it do?

Ideas don't come much worse than this

Allowing school teachers to carry weapons is just so incredibly asinine I don't know where to begin.

And why is the woman in the suit allowed to remain anonymous? Don't we have a right to know?

"It's his war."

That is how White House aides describe Captain Codpiece's relationship with the illegal invasion and occupation of Iraq according to Time Magazine.

Well why doesn't he go bloody well fight it then?

Destination: Seattle

Where I shall ride SLUT over and over and over again. (Will there be a SLUT card to make paying my fares simpler?)

Attention all women younger than me*

When I am chatting you up I am only doing it for the good of man(and woman)kind. You should take this into consideration before sending me away!

*I believe this is most of you!

Who is going to serve the papers?

Nebraska State Sen. Ernie Chambers is suing God. I certainly hope that Senator Chambers realises that this is likely to count heavily against him when he meet St. Peter at the Pearly Gates.

Man continues to evolve!!

The numbers of left handed people have tripled in the past century; obviously an incredibly good sign for the human race. Can we have left handed school desks now please?

(Note: this change in the population of naturally superior left handed people might have something to do with the fact that nuns can't beat us for this anymore. Right?)

Lazy AND uninformed

I think Fred Thompson is looking more and more like the perfect replacement for Captain Codpiece everyday!

Happy birthday to you!

The emoticon is 25 years young today!

When God speaks we should listen

At the good folks at Newman United Methodist Church in Grants Pass Oregon have good reason to pay attention to Her now I should think.

Ssh. Don't tell Michelle Malkin...

...but it looks as if plans for an amnesty for illegal immigrants may have illegally immigrated to Brighton on the south coast of the UK.

Today's "solid as a Rock" news

The queue at Bromley's branch of Northern Rock has remained steady, orderly and oh so middle class yesterday and today.

Clearly our branch is Britain's most photogenic as photos of it appeared in the Guardian on Saturday, on the front page of the Observer on Sunday and the front page of the Guardian today. (Alright. I admit that we did have to share the front page with three other less attractive branches today.) The other possible explanation is that the Guardian/Observer financial section photographer lives in Bromley but I am sticking with my first explanation until it is explicitly proven incorrect.

This is just for us westerners

In case we have forgotten how truly lucky we are that what I like to call the "Great Accident of Sperm" put us in the west and not somewhere else.

If you believe in God this would be an appropriate time to thank Him, Her, It or Them.