30 June 2007
So what progress has this self-same American government made on making banknotes suitable for the blind since a court ordered them to about six months ago? Not a lot apparently although it seems that they are thinking of adding more colour.
"A well regulated Militia, being necessary to the security of a free State, the right of the people to keep and bear Arms, shall not be infringed".You will note that the text does not refer specifically to gun. So why aren't fireworks covered and why is the US National Rifle Association doing more to prevent these obvious infringements of human rights in the Garden State?
Not that I'm paranoid but first thing Monday I'm getting someone in to sweep the flat for bugs.
I am not sure that having Americans in charge of these changes is a good idea. At one point in the not so distant past I was working for an American company, whilst I lived here, on a project to adapt a bespoke IT application for use in Europe. There were two things that they really didn't get and I was assigned the responsibility for their education; as a European-ised Yank it was believed that I would understand their difficulties. These two areas, to which I devoted an unbelievable and frustrating amount of time, were valued added tax (VAT) which I shan't discuss here and the various diacritical marks used in non-English languages. I can remember discussions that went something like this:
Me: "French has five specials characters that we have to allow for: accent acute (´), accent grave (`), circumflex (ˆ), the cedilla (¸) and the diaeresis (¨)."I finally convinced them but only at a high personal cost to me and the consumption of copious amounts of alcohol after these phone calls. It didn't help that this happened roughly simultaneously with the Great German Spelling Reform of 1998. You can well imagine how the conversations related to the legality of spelling went.
Them: "Is this really necessary?"
Me: "Would you have put this system into the states without including the letter 'a'?"
Them: "But that's a real letter?"
Them: "Can't we just spell these words and names in a different way?"
So I am not sure that Americans in general get the importance of the use of one's own language and alphabet is to others acroos the globe. Maybe someone should nudge them a bit and hurry them along.
It is hard to believe that one can make money out of polls like these.
Now we find that the state of New Mexico has enacted legislation that requires the state government to take over the cultivation and distribution of marijuana. The economic history of cannabis over the past forty years or so, protected from needless government regulation and control, is one of the great success stories of the free market. What other product has seen its quality increase by several orders of magnitude whilst the price declines in real terms? Obviously the evil socialists at the helm of the New Mexican government could not allow this to continue and instead will put an end to this testament to the genius of Adam Smith.
The former Pontiff's powers from beyond the grave however do not seem to have been strong enough to either prevent Mr. Kubica from driving into the wall in the first place or to actually win a Grand Prix whilst driving for Sauber.
Of course I do have to remember that the US is a country that used to have a president who thought that picking up his mutts by the ears was a good idea so it is possible that I am wrong in dooming Mitt for this seemingly minor infraction.
*The Faux News website notes that this transcript has been "edited for clarity". When dealing with a conversation between O'Reilly and Coulter it must take a cast of thousands to provide that service; if the task can be accomplished at all!
*Eternal Global War on Terra
(To be continued - unfortunately...)
29 June 2007
And the British labour scandal is just the tip of the iceberg apparently as it also seems that the Swedish authorities are kidnapping Americans and forcing them to claim asylum!
Clearly the all knowing and invisible "hand of the market" has got this one very, very wrong indeed!
The scientists in Dr. Venter's team want to quickly move on to a more challenging project and are believed to wish to attempt, through a similar genome transplant, to turn US Vice President "I'm a Big" Dick Cheney into a human being.
I do not believe this to be possible but then science has surprised me before!
These results are nothing new. Analysis of the worker bees of journalism has always shown a minor tilt towards liberal or progressive thinking. Had the analysis extended to the publishers and executives, i.e. those who actually control the content and direction of the publication or broadcaster, it would have undoubtedly found that this sample leaned at least at much to the right as the other sample did to the left.
So the conclusions that I draw from these data is that the published and broadcast bent of the American main stream media will reflect the proclivities of those in charge and therefore will lean slightly or materially to the right.
Over to you FSM!
Isn't Mr. Robertson past the mandatory retirement age yet and if not why not?
As yet no group seems to have claimed responsibility nor has there any suggestion from the authorities as to who they suspect.
The end is nigh indeed!
Why do they hate freedom so?!
I almost forget that it has also come to light that young William's pater's root veg isn't up to standard either.
As I've said before I promise to come back to visit just as soon as my new Armani Kevlar suit arrives; and ear plugs in case I am assaulted by a flute.
What has caused this terrible and tragic discord in what must otherwise have been an idyllic relationship? It seems that two members of the CCMF family published an article that suggested that if two engaged people lived together before getting married they were not necessarily on the direct route to Hell and Damnation and could in fact get into heaven like those who buy their way in.
I wonder who will get custody of the children?
Reading this article made me wonder if there is any way I can get a lottery pick out of "28301-016".
Is he drinking again? If he's looking for an ideal why not Sweden?
It should be noted that when I say "Stonewall" I am not in any way refering to this Stonewall. I want to be very clear on that.
I might suggest that the deprived Ms. Saxe-Coburg-Gotha and her family use public transport a bit more whilst simultaneously cutting back on the helicopter trips and in less than one year they should have sufficient funds to glue the house back together.
1) Begin the process of withdrawing British forces from Iraq and apologise to the Iraqi people and to the British people for the illegal invasion.There is an awful lot more but these would be a good start.
2) See to it that a meaningful investigation is conducted into possible corrupt practices relating to BAE Systems arms deals with Saudi Arabia. Prosecute both BAE officials and Saudi officials if, or more likely when, illegalities are discovered.
3) NO MORE FUCKING SPIN, OK?
4) Pursue the development of a cogent and written Constitution for the United Kingdom including specific delineation of the rights of citizens and the responsibilities of government.
5) Re-nationalise the railroads.
6) Start the process of nuclear disarmament.
*Note: the singularity attached to "year" in the post title is not, I repeat not, a typographical error!
(To be continued - unfortunately...)
28 June 2007
Do we let these people vote?
And as long as there have been Phillies, or even Quakers as they were originally known, there have been Stringers, surprisingly "Yank in London" is not my real name, there to support them going all the way back to 1883.
I am afraid to think what that says about my genes!
1) Avoid costly environmental regulatory mandates that will achieve little environmental gain. In other words avoid all environmental mandates.I hope that this helps!
2) Rely on the private sector's research and development capabilities. This helps your mates make money and avoids the complications involved in gagging government scientists who refuse to see the truth.
3) Urge government agencies to learn from the private sector. This can be accomplished by top bureaucrats and other officials by leaving the government for highly paid private sector positions as lobbyists.
4) Make all sources of energy within U.S. borders accessible. Fuck the trees, the animals, the forests, the tundra and anything else that gets in the bloody way.
5) Remove artificial constraints on the domestic energy infrastructure, including unnecessarily severe environmental regulations See number 1).
6) Ensure that any effort to reduce reliance on foreign oil is grounded in policies that are best for the economy. Your friends at ExxonMobil have already determined what is best for the economy so that you don't have to bother working this out for yourself. "I'm a Big" Dick Cheney has all of the appropriate phone numbers.
7) Manage risks to critical energy infrastructure as a responsibility shared jointly by the government and the private sector. In other words anything related to energy infrastructure that generates profit is shared by the private sector and anything in the same realm that generates loss is shared by the taxpayers.
8) Establish effective risk communications for energy issues. Make sure you have friends on the inside who can provide you with the appropriate information to allow you to maximise your portfolio through the purchase of energy futures at just the right time.
9) Develop foreign policies that thwart the capacity of coercive regimes to employ energy supplies as an economic weapon. If they won't do your bidding invade their countries, convert them to Christianity and execute anyone in the government who knows to much.
10) Sustain access to the global marketplace. See number 8).
11) Discourage restrictive international regimes See number 8).
12) Recognize that not all trading partners are equal. See number 8).
Just don't mention condoms. Or abortion. Or, ick, homosexuality.
"Who doesn't believe in the theory of gravity?" After all it is just a theory...
*Noun: "A positive emotional response to sexuality."
American government officials were said to be studying the proposal to see what they could learn from this "forward looking legislation" but have otherwise remained silent.
Curiously when a "Christian" American does it the silence is deafening.
Curiously none of the charges against them were of the "terrorist" variety. I reckon they were just the wrong colour and/or wrong religion to attract that kind of prosecution.
1) The anorexic one attacks John Edwards because she believes that his job is not as honourable as hers.
2) The blonde bimbette attacks Barrack Obama because she doesn't think his name is as American as hers.
3) The right wing hag lies to John Edwards's wife Elizabeth and is generally unpleasant.
Isn't it about time we did something to ensure she loses her access to the media; after all she is just promoting her scholarly books and thoughtful personal appearances.
My apologies to anyone who ended up here after a search involving the word "smegma". I am terribly sorry but I fear you probably didn't find what you were looking for!
Surely he doesn't have the unmitigated gall to claim executive privilege now that he has declared himself free of the Executive Branch.
OK - maybe he does have the gall to try it but who will let him get away with it? It is now like this Democratic controlled Congress to roll over is it?
Perfectly understandable. She has finally received an apology from the bank and is awaiting the delivery of a new toaster in compensation.
It is good to be a top guy isn't it? I wonder if he gets his old job back.
*Am I the only one who has never been able to figure out why the Catholic (meaning "general" or "universal") Church runs parochial (meaning "narrowly restricted in outlook or scope") schools?
An unnamed White House official has denied that the tour was cancelled over this and has instead insisted that Ms. Boyer had been given several poor performance reviews and was known to be "lazy".
spoken out against the inequities of the American tax system. The response from the White House is expected to be "well just fuck off then".
It is thought that the working title How My Arrogance and Incompetence Led to the Deaths of Hundreds of Thousands and Ruined the Prospects of Peace in the Middle East (but at Least My Friends Got Rich) is unlikely to make it to publication.
Meanwhile across the pond in response to a new study published in the Duke Journal of Gender Law and Policy that examines the impact of the "Don't Ask, Don't Tell" policy as regards homosexuality in the US armed forces officials at the Pentagon were said to have stuck their fingers in their ears and said "na-na-na-na-na-na".
*In a nod to Paris Hilton's new found importance amongst this elite group next year's CLEWI is set to include criminal defence attorney fees and bail costs but is to drop knickers, no matter how posh.
What does this mean? Probably more hunger, more poverty and more disease. Climate change will also most heavily affect those living in urban areas so it is a good thing that it doesn't exist. (The preceding sentence has been brought to you by ExxonMobil - "better living through exploitation, deceit and truly obscene profits".)
There is no word as yet as to who will be given the job. The Decider(TM) probably hasn't decided to decide. However given his penchant for those who are loyal and unpopular and to his apparent desire to ensure that his friends remain continuously employed I think I have know just the man. His old friend Paul Wolfowitz is just about to be unemployed. I am sure that Wolfie would fit right in after a short period of adjustment and cultural sensitivity training of course; you know how Muslims generally feel about holely socks.
Nobody likes America,The good news for the Decider(TM) is that there are now two people on the planet who are less popular than him: Russian President Vladimir Putin joins US Vice President "I'm a Big" Dick Cheney as a member of the world's most exclusive club.
The state of the planet is becoming a primary concern (probably because of America).
The full details of the poll are are to be found here.
Why would they bother one wonders? It is just a bunch of ice, soon to be water. Probably some bears and some fish. Oh, and lots and lots of oil and gas.
In any case the American President said some nice things yesterday, undoubtedly fighting back the tears, in a final tribute to his dear friend. He said that it was "silly ridicule" that St. Tony was the President's poodle because "he's bigger than that". (I picture him as more in the line of an English Setter I imagine: somewhat inbred with a tendency to drool uncontrollably, slavishly devoted to his master, shedding hair everywhere and ultimately mad as a hatter). Mr. Bush went on to say that "somehow our relationship has been seen as Bush saying to Blair, 'Jump' and Blair saying, 'How high?'". I had always pictured their relationship as more along the lines of Blair cozying up to Bush and humping his leg at every opportunity.
(To be continued...)
27 June 2007
I can finally die a contented man!
I'm glad that everything is under control and I will come home to visit just as soon as my new Armani Kevlar suit arrives.
Is he related to "I'm a Big" Dick Cheney in any way?
Perhaps on his last day, whenever that might be, US Attorney General "Gone-zo" Gonzales will demand an inquiry into illegal wiretaps, corruption in Iraq and no bid contracts, torture and any of 100 other things that his co-workers might have been up to.
(To be continued and I fear we will reach triple figures in days - at least we can't reach four figures unless Bush declares martial law and never leaves office. We all know that that could never happen. Right? Right? Right?)
26 June 2007
Well done. Now it is time for the private equity buyout I would imagine.
A unnamed source within the Prince's household let it be known that efforts to make the Prince "talking complete fucking bollocks neutral" has proved to be a much greater task than at first thought and that it will "take many, many years" before that target will be met if it can be met at all!
I wonder what Bill O'Reilly's posture will be on this. Recently he has been quite outspoken about the coverage given to the Iraq War by networks other than Faux News. I suspects he would think that this story should not be reported because it will overshadow all of the good things happening in St. Maarten and that in any case it would only encourage the homosexuals.
It is just as well that these family haters, obviously not interested in the only reason to have sex with anyone - procreation, did not get hitched. It would have ruined all the other marriages in Utah if not the entire West of America.
I am sure that when questioned about this Tony Snow will reassure us that these 2 million folks are all taxpayers who have received so much benefit from the Bush tax cuts that they have decided that they are better off being self-insured now that they are living off the fat of the land. Alternatively we may find that the Wal-Mart payroll has gone up by 2 million year on year.
Unfortunately the students also experienced an overwhelming desire to find a pool at 7 AM and cover the chairs with beach towels.
"In my judgment, the costs and risks of continuing down the current path outweigh the potential benefits that might be achieved...Persisting indefinitely with the surge strategy will delay policy adjustments that have a better chance of protecting our vital interests over the long term."
It just doesn't get any better than this. When you are walking down the street in Philadelphia, London, Sydney or Berlin and you see a young and obviously learning junkie shooting up in a doorway you will have a deeper understanding of the magnificent forces that made his or her transformation possible.
But at least the folks who used these kits had happy shiny teeth and that is all that matters. Image is everything.
There are those on the right in America who have long been desirous of getting rid of the National Endowment for the Arts, an obvious hot bed of communistic atheist homosexuality. I suggest that they follow the lead of the Iraqis and build on this link between culture and terrorism. Once that association is firmly established in the minds of the American there should be little or no resistance to sending a group of balaclava-ed men in black SUVs with smoked windows to whisk the entire staff of the NEA off to the luxurious Guantánamo Bay Beach and Leisure Resort or other suitable holiday destination beyond the reach of the American courts. After all they are evil doers aren't they?
Meanwhile back at home things aren't going much better for him as he has been accused of being a Devil worshipper by a Christian group, called "The Resistance", of which I had not previously been aware. According to Mark Dice, author of The Resistance Manifesto, or the Resistafesto as I have lovingly nicknamed it:
"Yes, Tom Cruise worships Satan. I don’t say this as an insult, or as an ad hominem attack. I seriously and literally mean he worships Satan, although most occultists, call him Lucifer the light bearer."
Compare and contrast the headlines. TheWashington Post headlines its article with "North Africa Reluctant to Host US Command" whereas the Guardian chooses the more negative "Africa united in rejecting US request for military HQ". We report - you decide!
*Will Africom have a website at www.africom.com? I think it's available should anyone wish to make the investment.
By the way as she is succeeding John "Two Jags" Prescott in the job she will need a nickname of some sort. Perhaps "Two Faces" might do until we come up with something better.
In case you were wondering it seems that the Daily Mail doesn't think that she is a good choice for the job; at least I think that's what "bleating, hectoring and finger wagging vote loser" means.
I hope it works out for you Tony now just fuck off out the country will you mate?
(To be continued...)
25 June 2007
1) All immigrants to the region of North America now known as the United States of America have a moral and cultural obligation to learn the native language. This requirement applies to all immigrants and their descendants. Therefore each and every American citizen or resident whose family line is not native to North America must learn the local language.
2) These families will have the choice of learning the native language that is appropriate for the region in which their family first settled, the native language that is appropriate for the region in which they currently live or a default language of Cherokee. (I have chosen Cherokee as it was the first Native American language to develop its own written form.)
3) Each family member of sixteen years and older will be required to learn this language in the twelve months following this announcement. Should they fail to do so they will be deported to the country of their origin following the paternal line. If that can not be traced they will be sent to Iraq, Afghanistan or North Korea. Individuals who risk torture or murder in the country of their origin are exempt from the deportation penalty and will instead be sent to the luxurious government run holiday destination known as the Guantánamo Bay Beach and Leisure Resort. (Note: for the purposes of this programme we are using the "I'm a Big" Dick Cheney definition of "torture" so don't even try to beg off using "enhanced interrogation techniques" as an excuse!)
4) Twelve months from the date of this announcement all communication with federal, state and local governments will have to be communicated only in the language selected. No translations or translators will be available to assist you.
5) All political discourse including but not limited to legislative or campaign debates, newspaper commentary and television and radio talk shows must be conducted in one or more of the approved languages.
6) All new legislation must be written in one or more of the approved languages; no English, Spanish or Latin phrases may be used.
7) Election ballots can be written in any of the approved languages but no translation assistance or poll support in other languages may be provided.
8) Exemptions: any and all American citizens or residents who can trace any of their bloodlines to an individual who was forced, under duress or imprisonment, to leave their native land and come to America are exempted from all of the requirements of this order and may use the language of their choice.
9) Non-exemptions: George Walker Bush (aka "The Decider(TM)", aka "The Commander Guy", aka "Captain Codpiece")and Richard Bruce Cheney (aka "I'm a Big Dick", aka Mephistopheles) as well as all heterosexual members of their families are explicitly NOT TO BE EXEMPTED from any provision of this order under any circumstances.
*Note: it is recognised that these misguided souls do no actually mean "English" and are referring instead to the primitive and intellectually deficient English dialect known as "American".
Now it is time for the District of Columbia Bar Association to nudge him into genteel retirement.
Perhaps it explains the "immaculate conception".
*Note: watching the Commander Guy's statement after he vetoed the stem cell bill I was amused at how hard he had to work to pronounce this word the same way each time he said it. Clearly he had heard the word used for the first time not long before he went on camera and at the last minute his aides couldn't find a reasonably synonym in the Oval Office Thesaurus.
"There's plenty of real occultism embedded in Rowling's fantasy works...and in spite of naïve popular opinion, Pottermania is aiding Wicca's growth...Occultism has a dark side and practitioners can easily become trapped like a fly in a spider web."
Now I've off to play a little quidditch and perhaps summon up some "nature spirits". Do you reckon they can do anything about the weather?
Yet to come pieces on his influence on the budgetary process and Cheney's stranglehold on environmental policy or, perhaps more accurately, the lack thereof.
Senator Sam Brownback (KS) - already a tricky one - if he were not Catholic one could fit his bizarre attitudes and positions into the Ulster Unionist Party. As he is a Catholic I can only suggest that he stay away for what would otherwise be a possible fit and instead hang about on the distant far right reaches of the Conservative Party; he will of course be lost on the back bench in David Cameron's new user friendly (practically socialist) Tories. Additionally any politician who holds his hand up when asked if he doesn't believe in evolution would be laughed off of the political stage.
Former Governor Jim Gilmore (VA) - I know very little about him but from what I have just read on the web he would seem fit as a right wing or far right wing Tory and firmly on the backbench.
Former Mayor of New York and America Rudolph Giuliani (NY) - Rudy presents difficulties fitting into British politics for a number of reasons. First there is virtually no platform from which a local politician can leap onto the national stage. The one exception to this might be the Mayor of London but this is "Red" Ken's territory and he is not likely to give it up. In any case Rudy's "No Tolerance" approach would never fly in London which according to the United Nations is the most ethnically diverse city in the world. We like tolerance. We want tolerance. We are not giving up on tolerance. The upside for Rudy in London would be that no one would give a shit about his penchant for transvestism and there should be no problem finding him a flat share with a couple of queers in Soho. Secondly his views, as you probably already know, are all over the place; running the gamut from mildly liberal to hard right. He could be on the far right of New Labour - sort of a David Blunkett without a guide dog on somewhere in the middle of the Tory party. In any case he would be considered well right of centre here.
Former Governor Mike Huckabee (AK) - again a relatively unknown quantity to me - my internet research tells me he would be an obscure backbencher on the right of the Tories. Like Brownback he has a fatal evolutionary flaw.
Congressman Duncan Hunter (CA) - again I don't know a whole lot about Congressman Hunter either but I am spotting a trend after a bit of internet research. I am afraid I must exile him to the right wing Tory back benches as well.
Senator John McCain (AZ) - like Rudy he can be all over the place but in British terms he is only all over the right. At his advanced age there would be no place for him in Young David's Nouveau Tories so off to the right wing back benches with him!
Congressman Ron Paul (TX) - Britain really hasn't got a libertarian party although there is a libertarian element in both the Tories and in the United Kingdom Independence Party, an anti-Europe, anti-immigration isolationist party. Mr. Paul would either be on the far right of the libertarian Tories or in the centre of UKIP.
Former Governor Milt Romney (MA) - it might be possible that Young David could find some minor front bench role for the Governor but he wouldn't be prominent and would be considered probably just to the right of centre within the Tory party.
Congressman Tom Tancredo (CO) - given his bizarre anti-immigrant bent, he is obviously not native American, there is only one place for Tom - UKIP - although it is possible that he has had a flirtation with the British National Party. His rightness is practically off the British scale. He also suffers from the aforementioned fatal evolutionary flaw.
Former Senator and former actor Fred Thompson (TN) - obviously Fred has been following the career of Coronation Street's wannabe-MP Adam Rickitt with great interest. He would probably make Young Dave's front bench if only for his booming voice. Even so he would be well to the right of his leader and most of the party.
Former Governor and former cabinet secretary Tommy Thompson (WI) - as I have grown tired of this plethora of Republicans I will only say he would be right wing Tory and too old and unattractive for the front bench.
Well if she doesn't understand the answer to that and her husband does not make her submit to him "as to the Lord" (Ephesians 5:22) then his candidacy is toast.
Local churches are almost certain in some cases to ignore the prohibition and proceed with the ceremonies anyway.