29 June 2008

For your listening pleasure

Dr. John.

1,000 reasons John McCain shouldn't be President

Number 60: little the man he so wishes to replace he doesn't know what the price of petrol is AND he doesn't see that as a problem.

Maybe you can fool all of the people all of the time

You can certainly fool most of them as this Gallup poll about attitudes to income redistribution clearly demonstrates. Most Americans really do believe in the "trickle down" Ponzi scheme.

I fear I know where they are going with this

The Supreme Court of the great state of Texas has ruled that a church cannot be held liable for physical abuse that occurred during an exorcism at a Pentecostal church. The court felt that to allow the damages would entangle the court, in an unconstitutional way, with religion. I can hardly wait for the first First Amendment defence of torture enhanced interrogation as protect religious and/or symbolic speech!

Gay Jews to trigger Armageddon!

At least that seems to be the opinion of Christian Zionist Jim Hutchens, president of the Jerusalem Connection International. I wonder what I should pack...

1,000 reasons John McCain shouldn't be President

Number 59: even though the Mrs. is worth around $100 million she can't seem to scrape together enough cash to pay the property taxes. Given that they have approximately seven or eight different homes I imagine that they just forgot they still owned the one in La Jolla!

Bobby's big week

One of the rumoured candidates to be The Ancient One's running mate, the Governor of Louisiana Bobby Jindal, must really want that right wing support bad given how hard he has worked for it this week. First he signed into law a bill that essentially introduces Shari'a law for sex crimes, (how long until they start cutting off hands for robbery?), and now he has signed a law that should ensure that an entire generation of Louisiana school children is unqualified to work or study in the life sciences. What will he do next?

Why we shouldn't always listen to the "generals on the ground"

They don't always know what they're doing. E.G. sycophant extraordinaire General Tommy Franks, whose decision to restructure the command the Iraq shortly after Captain Codpiece's stunning appearance on an aircraft carrier anchored just out of sight of land has been severely criticised in a new, unclassified study from the, [drumroll], US Army! For those of you with too much time on your hands all 700 odd pages of On Point II are available here.

La plus ça change...

...la plus c’est la même chose. Where there is blood money to be found usually one will find Tories lurking not too far away. This summer's edition comes to us courtesy of Zimbabwe.

1,000 reasons John McCain shouldn't be President

Number 58: even though he has heard about them he can't work those internets things. Really John. How's your "youth outreach" campaign going? Making any inroads with those pesky under-sixties?

Quote(s) of the day

"He was a patriot - the best sort, the kind who do not walk around with American flags in their lapels."

"Twelve wrecked homes. The chaplain's words echoed. That's twelve wrecked homes. The doctor and I think in terms of human suffering not statistics. I thought about Sullivan again. He was one of the statistics, just like the four enemy soldiers killed that morning. The only difference was that they were in different columns on the colonel's scoreboard. Twelve wrecked homes. I thought about Sullivan's young widow in Pennsylvania, and a chill passed through me. Maybe her husband had died for nothing, maybe for something. Either way, it could not make much difference to her now."



Both come from Philip Caputo's book, Rumor of War, about his time as a US Marine in Vietnam in the Sixties. Not that much has changed.

28 June 2008

Fun with War Crimes!

Episode 3.

Shari'a law comes to Louisiana

The truly frightening Governor of Louisiana and rumoured Republican VP contender Bobby Jindal has signed into law a bill that will see convicted rapists and other sect offenders chemically castrated, possibly after a first offence. Now I consider rape to be a truly horrible crime and those guilty off it certainly need to be punished but to do that by reverting to the practices of millennia past is hardly the mark of a civilised nation.

What a shitty idea!

But in a good way. The Presidential Memorial Commission of San Francisco already has more than enough signatures on its petition to get a measure on the ballot in November that would see the Oceanside Water Pollution Control Plant renamed the George W. Bush Sewage Plant and what better time to be reminded of this great President after he is gone than when one is reading the sports page whilst having one's morning "constitutional"!

And God said "let there be guns"...

...and there were guns and God saw that this was good. Get ready for the mayhem as five activist judges on the US Supreme Court have written into the Constitution an individual right to possess weapons as opposed to what the framers intended. I am certain that good right wingers everywhere will soon be actively decrying this terribly flawed decision.

I don't know about you...

...but this has me worried! 36% of American commercial bee hives have been lost this year alone. Without bees much agriculture is impossible. I think the implications are obvious.

Double standards?

Brown-skinned and Muslim suspected evil-doers are kidnapped and interned without rights or hope at the Guantánamo Bay Beach and Leisure Resort and elsewhere. When the US government eventually gets bored with this these unfortunates are sent off to various and sundry countries without so much as a "sorry mate".

Meanwhile white-skinned and presumably Christan suspected evil-doers get to stay at home and end up with a cheque for $4.6 million.

Just doesn't seem fair does it?

1,000 reasons John McCain shouldn't be President

Number 57: he's only just stopped beating his wife. Even he admits it!

R.I.P.

George Carlin, 1937 - 2008. Surely at least some of his words are allowed now, right?



Meanwhile you should probably be aware that the enlightened and cuddly Reverend Fred Phelps knows where Mr. Carlin is now!

27 June 2008

A hiatus

I am, after an extended period of idleness, part voluntary and part not, starting a new job on Monday so for a month or two, until I acclimate to the new schedule, posting shall be severely limited.

I hope no one minds!

22 June 2008

Proving my value as a football pundit

Once again I demonstrate that I am a negative indicator as far as picking winners in football tournaments is concerned. My two favourites for the final of Euro '08 were Portugal and Holland. Portugal went out to the bloody Germans on Thursday and last night the Dutch went down to the Russians. Great football from the Russians by the way. Therefore I am now backing Russia and Germany so if you are a betting man (or woman) it might be a good idea to head down the betting shop and put a bundle on Turkey.

Today's Schadenfreude moment

Captain Codpiece waves; no one waves back. They've always said it will be lonely at the top!



I confess to having felt just a wee bit sorry for the poor man and then I got over it.

A message to the good people of Vincenza Italia

You have won a battle in your fight to prevent the US from hugely expanding its military base in or near your town. Now keep on fighting until you win the war!

1,000 reasons John McCain shouldn't be President

Number 56: if elected he is going to develop a drinking problem. Isn't it about time someone asked The Aged One what he is going to do about his wife's business interests should he be elected? Clearly she cannot remain in charge; actively or inactively.

Sorry Scott...

..but somehow I doubt that Captain Codpiece will be listening to your advice to not pardon I. Lewis "Scooter" Libby even though I agree with you.

no pardon

Today in infamy - "thank God this could never happen today" edition

On this day in 1633 Galileo Galilei was sentenced by a Shari'a Roman Catholic court for having the temerity to believe the truth. Fortunately, 475 years later, America is a country ruled by reason where nothing of this sort of ever happen again!

21 June 2008

Well where the hell are the statistics?

Lies and damn lies.

R.I.P.

Frank Blackmore; traffic engineer, inventor of the mini-roundabout and designer of Swindon's famous (infamous?) Magic Roundabout (see below); 1916 - 2008.

1,000 reasons John McCain shouldn't be President

Number 55: his trophy wife/sugar mama Cindy doesn't even have a cookie recipe to call her own. Given that she is worth around $100 million and owns eight or nine houses (she probably can't find the kitchen in any of them) this probably should not come as a surprise.

Bill-o leave our ads alone

As if he doesn't have enough to worry about in America Bill-o O'Reilly has now launched an attack on a advertisement for Heinz mayonnaise airing only in Britain because of a scene with two blokes kissing. Bill-o apparently consumes only 100% American straight mayonnaise! If I'm not confused, and I often am, Bill-o also seems to admit to some minor gender confusion of his own.



I'm just surprised that Bill-o forgot to mention the rather obvious Heinz-Teresa Heinz Kerry-John Kerry-oh my God liberal America is poisoning our kid's minds with gay mayonnaise connection!

Fighting back

A suit has been filed in Federal Court in Ohio against John Freshwater, a teacher for the Mount Vernon OH school system, alleging that he taught creationism to eighth graders despite a school policy forbidding such blatantly religious instruction. The teacher had also refused to remove a Christian Bible from his desk despite orders from the school system to do so.

It has also been alleged that Mr. Freshwater branded his students with crosses using an electrostatic device; a charge that should, one would think, lead to criminal charges of child abuse. Or perhaps not, it is America after all.

I hope you feel safer!

Because Big Brother IS watching, and listening, and taping and trolling.



Go here to help.

Come the revolution...

...I think we should start with these people.

Guns don't kill people...

...complete fucking idiots with AK-47s kill people. Surely there is no one out there who would argue that, once Michael Johnson of Vancouver Washington is convicted, barring him from owning or using firearms for the rest of his days would not be either unconstitutional or unwarranted.

Mr. Johnson was firing his weapons, including an AK47 and two handguns, into a lake across from a crowded camp ground. His shots were ricocheting into the ground sending campers scurrying for cover. Fortunately, by dumb luck, no one was injured. When told that he shots had ricochet off the water into the camp ground the 25 year old Mr. Johnson apparently replied that "he didn't know bullets could do that" and presumably returned to picking his nose.

The appropriate punishment? No guns; ever again and maybe some jail time.

Is La Cosa Nostra running the country?

You just cannot make this shit up! During former White House Press Secretary (and current pariah of the wing nuts) Scott McClellan's testimony on Capitol Hill yesterday he was asked by Representative Steve King (R - IA) "could you not have taken some of this to the Grave with You?". Is there now an initiation ceremony in the Oval Office for all new hires where they swear to uphold the omertà?

Yes, I'm disappointed

Barack Obama, along with scores of other Democrats in the Senate and the House is set to cave in on the FISA "compromise" and give Captain Codpiece what he wants; warrantless surveillance and telecoms immunity. From my perspective this is hardly an encouraging start but I can understand why he may have taken this position from a purely calculated political perspective. We are watching you Senator Obama, and watching very closely indeed.

What do Captain Codpiece and Robert Mugabe have in common?

They both hear voices in their heads that tell them stuff. Mugabe's voice tells him that God appointed him to rule Zimbabwe, presumably with an iron fist and the Captain's voice told him to illegally invade Iraq!

"Psst. Hey buddy, wanna buy a Eurofighter?"

Eat our dust America!We're number one! The United Kingdom catapulted to the top of the world league table of merchants of death with a record £10 billion of overseas arm sales. And Britain is not picky either. The sales include weaponry destined for such beacons of freedom as Saudi Arabia, Israel, Colombia, China, and Russia.

Crude pro quo

Well finally the American soldier American taxpayer planet's gargantuan oil companies are getting some payback for all of the blood and treasure sacrificed by the planet's gargantuan oil companies American soldier and taxpayer. And who better to safeguard this trust fund for those who have paid so dearly than ExxonMobil, Chevron, Royal Dutch Shell, Total and BP, eh?

Well surprise, surprise!!

Captain Codpiece and his evil minion at the Environmental "Protection" Agency, Stephen L. Johnson, have claimed executive privilege rather than release documents relating to how Mr. Johnson relied on oil company talking points his own sound judgement to overrule the recommendations of the scientists who work for him in deciding to not grant the state of California and 17 other states permission to regulation vehicular emissions of greenhouse gases. Apparently the "original intent" of the constitutional drafters to ensure that there were working checks and balances between the branches of government is not applicable to the Imperial Presidency.

Gitmo means never having to say you're sorry (or just bloody wrong)

So far the United States government, in all her magnanimity, has found that 38 of the "evil doers" it had (illegally) held at the Guantánamo Bay Beach and Leisure Resort to be "ex-evil doers". So they get flown somewhere with a few clothes, maybe a Qur'an and no apology, no compensation for the years that they have spent on the lovely Caribbean isle of Cuba.

20 June 2008

For your listening pleasure

Johnny Winter with "Highway 61 Revisited" from the Bob Dylan tribute night at MSG in 1992.

Cool! (Pun possibly intended)

This is what space exploration is all about. The Phoenix probe has found what is believed to be ice on Mars.

Just when you thought it was safe to get back in the water...

...comes the attack of the killer electric marbled sting rays, courtesy of non-existent global warming. So much for going for a swim in West Sussex!

Meanwhile at the other end of the Keystone State...

...one Daryl Metcalfe (R - Butler County) scuttled a vote in the State House on a resolution honouring the "60th annual convention...of the U.S. chapter of the Ahmadiyya Muslim Community" by stating, and I quote, that "[t]he Muslims do not recognize Jesus Christ as God and I will be voting negative". One wonders which word or words in the First Amendment he doesn't understand. It is not as if it includes any real tough ones.

The people of Cranberry Township must be awfully proud!

A letter to the City of Brotherly Love

Dear Phil-delph-yuns,

I spent most of the first 37 years of my life living in the Philadelphia area and I still have a great affection for the city. Perhaps the thing I have always loved about it is that, in opposition to New York, it always seemed human scale rather than gargantuan. So please don't ruin this by building a building a huge, fuck all building on Logan Square, OK?

That is all.

Kind regards,

Yank in London

Shorter David Brooks

"I must be an elitist. How else to explain why I spell "naïve" using a diaeresis over the "i" whilst penning a column intended to be a (unsuccessfully) humorous critique of Barack Obama."

Israeli government exercises restraint after rocket fire!

In what can only be described as an unusual event the firing of a homemade rocket in illegally occupied Samaria has not led to reprisals by the Israeli Offence Defence Force. The fact that the rocket was fired by a Jewish yeshiva student at an Arab village may have featured in the non-reprisal by the IDF.

Rabbi Yitzik Shapira, the head of the Od Yosef Chai Yeshiva in Yitzhar, said that the priority for the students is "net Torah study" and that rocket attacks by the students are only authorised once all of their schoolwork is completed.

Look, the omniscient hand of the market at work

As petrol prices in the US approached 4 USD a US gallon American drivers drove 1.4 billion fewer miles in April than they had the year before. I'm sure someone will try to ruin this by calling for a petrol tax holiday or something equally stupid.

Sold down the river

I would like to express my gratitude to the congressional Democrats who have seen fit to provide immunity to telecoms companies that knowingly broke the law, admittedly at the behest of Captain Codpiece and his evil minions, by allowing for the warrant-less surveillance of American citizens on American soil.

Well done everyone; especially Steny Hoyer of Maryland. I'm sure you will sleep well tonight in the Land of the (Not So) Free (as It Used to Be).

World Refugee Day

Today is World Refugee Day on which we should celebrate the inestimable contribution of the United States to the creation of refugees across the global both directly in Iraq and Afghanistan and indirectly through its efforts to continue the warming of the planet.

Have a nice day.

Is it time yet?

Robert Mugabe's reign of terror continues unabated in Zimbabwe as the world looks on and yawns (although Sir Beefy thinks we ought to boycott their cricket side). Unfortunately for the people of Zimbabwe there just isn't enough oil in their country to make regime change of interest at the White House or in Downing Street.

Europe the Evil!

As if we need more evidence that the effete, America hating atheist socialists at the heart of the European Union want the evil doers to win we learn that the EU is dropping sanctions against Cuba, charter member of the Axis of Evil!

I reckon that means I should head down the pub for a large Cuban rum, thereby violating America's most ridiculous law!

This no longer qualifies as a "slip of the tongue"

Yet another Republi-con, this time Mark Kirk of Illinois, has "accidentally" confused the Democratic Presidential candidate with a bearded lunatic in a Pakistani cave. The quote? "[I]f we see Obama there's a shoot on sight order."

I simply no longer believe that these occurrences are accidental any more but rather part of a none-too-subtle campaign to associate Senator Obama with terrorists and further confuse those addled voters, who make up more than 10% of the electorate, who believe that the Senator is a Muslim.

Blackwater goes Muslim!

A subsidiary of internationally renowned mercenary firm Blackwater has filed a motion that a suit brought against it over a plane crash in Afghanistan in 2004 be adjudicated under Shari'a law. Presidential Airways wants the case shifted to the Afghan courts where it would be dismissed as "Shari'a law does not hold a company responsible for the actions of employees performed within the course of their work". How handy for them.

19 June 2008

Your tax dollars not at work

America's National Oceanic and Atmospheric Administration is cutting back on climate research to save fuel costs. That's some clever thinking. They need about $1.7 million to keep up with rising fuel costs. That's about what 7 minutes of the war in Iraq costs.

Surely this can't be right, can it?


Is it possible that Australians are fatter than Americans?

Have there been inspections?

In an undoubtedly failed effort to keep Royal Ascot the domain of old money and to exclude the chavs and chavettes a new dress code has been introduced this year. Amongst the rather stringent new rules it is noted that women must wear knickers but they must never been seen. So, one wonders, how are they going to enforce this?

Why do they hate marriage so?

At least three counties in California, (Butte County, Kern County and Calaveras County), have stopped performing wedding ceremonies entirely rather than allow ho-mo-sexuals to wed. Clearly they wish to see the end of marriage entirely which will destroy the nation!

Not so fast you two!

Both The Aged One and Captain Codpiece have spoken out to demand the repeal of the ban on off shore oil exploration in the US. After all Americans' God given right to cheap petrol trump the preservation of the planet. At least in the case of the Captain he's being consistent whereas TAO used to be against it!

Nonetheless the two of them shouldn't get carried away as, even if the ban were lifted tomorrow, there aren't enough drilling rigs to go around as it is and the situation won't improve for several years if at all.

Question of the day

When the hell is Gary Trudeau due back from holiday? We need Doonesbury now more than ever!

18 June 2008

If a bandwagon goes "off-shore" does it become a bandboat?

In the blink of an eye after John McCain decided that he only was against off shore drilling if the price of petrol was less than 54p a litre $4.00 a (US) gallon Captain Codpiece decided he wanted a piece of the action and said that he wants to do it too. At least we need to be sure that if this unfortunately comes to pass that we don't actually let Captain Codpiece do the drilling. Because if there was one thing that he proved in his career before politics, other than he couldn't run a business, it was that he couldn't find oil - in Texas.

You've been Condi-ed

It must be tough being the US Secretary of State, at least at the moment. It seems that Israeli announcers use Ms. Rice's name as a verb to describing going "endlessly around in circles, accomplishing nothing".

Today in panspermia

Scientists at Imperial College - London have uncovered evidence that the precursors of genetic material probably came to Earth from outer space on meteorites. I checked the Book of Genesis and I think this must have happened on day two.

R.I.P.

Cyd Charisse - (1921 - 2008)

Why does the Israeli government...

...hate Israel? Because there is no other possible explanation for their ceasefire agreement with the evil doing Islamofacists in Hamas?

In which I explain why I am not proud to be an American

Because it is now becoming clear that, with absolute certainty, both the US military and the US "intelligence" community have engaged in systematic, intentional and highly managed horrific abuse of prisoners and detainees in Iraq, Afghanistan, Cuba and places unnamed. We have finally lost any remaining moral authority we may have had. These are crimes against humanity and someone, hopefully several someones, high up needs to pay and pay dearly.

Key quote: "If the detainee dies, you're doing it wrong".

Perhaps it is time

There is absolutely no chance that the upcoming presidential run off election in Zimbabwe will be in any way "free and fair". The megalomaniacal Robert Mugabe has taken to threatening the voters with death if they fail to vote for him. Finally some are calling for intervention from the west of the world. Can we reasonably sit by, vomiting forth platitudes about freedom, democracy and self-determination any longer? I say not. The free world cannot sit idly by and spectate whilst this truly horrible human being continues his reign of terror.

See Blackwater run, see Blackwater run away!

Whatever deal Captain Codpiece and his evil minions manage to coerce the Iraqi government into is likely to mean an end to contractor immunity that has allowed them to act, harm and kill with impunity. Will Blackwater and its mercenaries hang about for that? Somehow I doubt it. Let's hear it for democracy, eh?

R.I.P.

Esbjörn Svensson - jazz musician - 1964 - 2008.



Enjoy.

17 June 2008

"He said it, not me!"

Well known America hating radical left winger (and billionaire) T. Bone Pickens says that we have reached peak oil.

Get out of jail free (at least for now)

One doesn't have to like Silvio Berlusconi's politics, and I certainly don't, to admit that the man has chutzpah.

Today in war crimes

Somehow I had always imagined that on the day that a Thatcher was named as a probable war criminal in a court of law, (even if the court is a dodgy one), that it would have been the mother and not the son. That said, Mark Thatcher is one irritating toss pot and I am certain he is guilty of something!

"Stop - you're killing me here!"

Sometimes you just have to laugh. Crooks and Liars has the most recent example of Republi-con attempts at stand up as Republican House leader John "Rhymes with Boner" Boehner tells us that the Republican Party is the true agent of change in America. all they have to do is to convince (extremely gullible) Americans that the party has "solutions, which we do, for the economy, gas prices, our national security and health care". Apparently they have been keeping these solutions under wraps for the past seven and a bit years just waiting for the country's citizenry to become well and truly desperate!

Paging Maxwell Smart

Scientists from Imperial College London think they may have discovered the cone, or at least the cloak, of silence.

This is just one expert's opinion - your experience may vary

The rabidly right wing sober and moderate Murdoch owned Faux Street Journal seeks out the patron saint of torture, John Yoo, so that he may explain to us the irreparable damage done to America by the freedom hating members of the Supreme Court of the United States who voted in the majority in Boumediene v. Bush. And who better indeed?

Your tax dollars (hardly) at work

A former senior auditor for the US Army in Iraq is contending that he was sacked after refusing to pay over $1 billion ($1,000,000,000) in questionable charges to KBR. The army contends that failing to pay in the invoices would have led to a deterioration in services to the troops even below the abysmal level that KBR was already supplying!

1,000 reasons John McCain shouldn't be President

Number 54: carefully reversing a position that he had held for at least twenty minutes The Aged One has decided that he is only against off shore oil exploration as long as petrol stays under $4.00 a gallon. Well at least we now know the value he puts on the planet. My God Senator don't you read the papers? Haven't you heard that flip flops are bad for you?

(Is it just me or is he harder to pin down than an epileptic eel coated with Vaseline?)

It can happen here (and I think it just did)

Captain Codpiece has just signed two more imperial fiats Presidential directives authorising the American government to collect, retain and share biometric data pertaining to "known and suspected terrorists [and] other persons who may pose a threat to national security." One can only assume that this will all occur without warrants, court authorisation or those pesky checks and balances but don't worry; there's nothing to worry about if you're not guilty.

I have no words to describe this so I'm afraid....

...that you'll just have to mosey on over to the wacko website of Alan Keyes's Renew America and read it. Let's just say in this scintillating "issues analysis" one Fred Hutchison quite brilliantly and practically effortlessly disproves the Theories of Relativity without a single equation although some might think it cheating that Mr. Hutchison listens to the voices in his head.

Today in infamy

On this day in 1972, when I was still in high school, a bunch of Republican criminals broke into the headquarters of the Democratic National Committee in the Watergate complex in Washington DC and the rest is history.

The saddest thing of all is that, after nearly 8 years of Captain Codpiece and his evil minions, the Nixon Republicans are looking better and better (and not nearly as criminal)!

Yes, everything is bigger in Texas...


...especially the bigotry.

R.I.P.

Traditional marriage - (sometime shortly after creation - 2008). Gays are getting married in California and once people have gone to a gay wedding why would they want to go to a straight one? The food won't be as nice, the clothes won't be as trendy and, let's face it, straight men can't dance!

What they did next

Now that some Swedish scientists have discovered that the brains of gay men and straight women share a number of physical characteristics, as do the brains of straight men and gay women, expect the Christian right to embark on a "crusade" to explain to us just exactly how gay men choose to alter the shape of their brains.

Every journey begins with a single step

Personally I believe that there exists sufficient evidence to suggest that Captain Codpiece is guilty of war crimes and/or crimes against humanity including waging an aggressive war (see Count 1 of the Nuremberg indictments). Ergo I think that the plans by the Dean of the Massachusetts School of Law at Andover to assemble a conference to discuss prosecution of Our Great Leader is not without merit. Expect the normal chorus of outrage and accusations of treason from the usual suspects.

The Veepstakes

There are a lot of pundits (and others) throwing around a lot of names for the Vice Presidential slots on both tickets. Frankly I could give a toss who the Republicans pick. On the Democratic side there are several choices that I absolutely hate; Hillary Clinton (too bitter), Al Gore (too many bad memories), Ed Rendell (WTF???), Joe Biden (will winning Delaware help?). There is one possible choice that I keep coming back to who I think has the potential to help the ticket immensely even though I don't think he is someone I would pick if I were doing the picking. That choice is Wesley Clarke. Watch this.

16 June 2008

Shorter Conrad Black

"American judges are way too stupid to try the likes of me!"

"If we showed you we'd have to kill you!"*

When US Military's Office of Show Trials Military Commissions told the Washington Post that detainees will have the right to see classified information presented to the juries that will be convicting them with "no exceptions" what they really meant that detainees will have no rights to see classified information nor will they necessarily be able to question their torturers interrogators. Justice, American Style.

*Note: we reserve the right to kill you anyway.

Get your fear out!

Great American Newt "I'm an Amphibian Not a Reptile" Gingrich has decided that the US Supreme Court's recent decision in Boumediene v. Bush is the "the most extraordinarily arrogant and destructive decision the Supreme Court has made in its history" and that it could cost us a city. Not New Orleans though; that's already spoken for.

1,000 reasons John McCain shouldn't be President

Number 53: I think that he thinks that this "McCain Cribs" videowill give him street cred with the young folks. You know who I mean - those people under 65!

15 June 2008

"Don't even think about it! Gordo"



The European leg of Captain Codpiece's Legacy '08 Tour ends in London tomorrow and he's come will all guns blazing as he warns our beleaguered Prime Minister againstwithdrawing troops from Iraq. He also paints himself as a Simón Bolívar for the 21st century as he claims that he has liberated "50 million people from the clutches of barbaric regimes", possibly single-handed. He also threatens to write a book.

He is clearly a man capable of extraordinary self-delusion.

Now this could prove more than a wee bit tricky

Should Afghanistan launch military strikes against Afghanistan, as threatened by the Afghan President, whose side will the US be on. Afghanistan's? Pakistan's? Neither? Both?

Saving the nation (and the world from judicial activism)

I am certain that true conservative Americans will be rejoicing the recent US Supreme Court ruling in the case of Boumediene v. Bush in which Justices Kennedy (app. R. Reagan), Stevens (app. G. Ford), Souter (app. Bush the Father), Ginsburg (app. W. Clinton) and Breyer (app. W. Clinton) preserved the ancient right of habeas corpus, a right so sacrosanct and universal that the Founders found no need to include it in the Bill of Rights* or the Constitution proper except to state the circumstances under which it could be suspended. These brave men and woman held fast against the onslaught of the activist judges Roberts (app. Bush the Son), Scalia (app. R. Reagan), Thomas (app. Bush the Father) and Alito (Bush the Son) who wished to invent new law from the ether simply to satisfy circumstance that they see in the world today. The thinking and arguments of these four vile men should be, and I am certain is, anathema to any conservative anywhere.

It is also possible that I could be wrong in this and that this carefully crafted conservative legal philosophy is only followed as long as convenient. Hard to tell.

*Should you not believe Mr. Dean or myself I give you the following from Federalist Paper (84):

"It may well be a question, whether these are not, upon the whole, of equal importance with any which are to be found in the constitution of this State. The establishment of the writ of habeas corpus, the prohibition of ex post facto laws, and of TITLES OF NOBILITY, to which we have no corresponding provision in our Constitution, are perhaps greater securities to liberty and republicanism than any it contains. The creation of crimes after the commission of the fact, or, in other words, the subjecting of men to punishment for things which, when they were done, were breaches of no law, and the practice of arbitrary imprisonments, have been, in all ages, the favorite and most formidable instruments of tyranny. The observations of the judicious Blackstone, in reference to the latter, are well worthy of recital: 'To bereave a man of life, [says he] or by violence to confiscate his estate, without accusation or trial, would be so gross and notorious an act of despotism, as must at once convey the alarm of tyranny throughout the whole nation; but confinement of the person, by secretly hurrying him to jail, where his sufferings are unknown or forgotten, is a less public, a less striking, and therefore a more dangerous engine of arbitrary government.' And as a remedy for this fatal evil he is everywhere peculiarly emphatical in his encomiums on the habeas corpus act, which in one place he calls 'the BULWARK of the British Constitution.'"

Is this a crime?

I am an uncompromising defender of free speech, including offensive speech, and have long thought that many countries in Western Europe as well as Canada have gone far too far in regulating "hate" speech. To me, the right to be offensive, cruel and even hateful is part and parcel of living in a truly free society. I do, however, draw the line at incitement to violence and I think that there is a question that must be answered as to Michael Reagan's comments in the clip below. Is he inciting violence, even murder, and if he is will he be prosecuted? I would answer those questions with a "yes" and a "of course not".

"Hurry up, please, it's time!"

Iraqi Prime Minister Nouri al Maliki has suggested that, if the US and Iraq cannot agree on a military pact, he may have to ask US forces to leave the country. (Please don't slam the door on the way out.) One would think that he has deluded himself into believing that his country is actually a sovereign nation.

1,000 reasons John McCain shouldn't be President

Number 52: he thinks that it is "tough" to be proud of America and that clearly is not the kind of blind, irrational chauvinism we need in a President now is it?

1,000 reasons John McCain shouldn't be President

Number 51: should he win one wouldn't want to be a woman for the next four years.

14 June 2008

Your Saturday Beer Quiz!

I scored 9 out of 10!

1,000 reasons John McCain shouldn't be President

Number 50: either he and his stinking rich wife are too stupid to realise that if you are worth around $100,000,000 that there are cheaper ways to finance your lifestyle than running up $100,000 on your credit cards. Either that or they are so rich that they just don't give a fuck. Either way it doesn't really help his attempt to seem an ordinary Joe.

Topsy turvy world

An ostensibly left wing government, if only by American standards, has just pushed its draconian 42 day detention without charge bill through the lower house of Parliament. New Labour's probable replacement, the right wing Tories, plans not just to scrap the 42 day limit but to reduce the limit below the current 28 days! I knew I shouldn't have had the mushroom omelet for breakfast.

Follow the Blair

Now this is weird. The Independent is reporting rumours surfacing in Rome that Captain Codpiece might convert to Catholicism just like his ex-poodle St. Tony Blair. I don't think the right wing fundamentalists will be too happy with the idea.

Shorter Melanie Morgan

"Barack Obama wants you to eat old people." At least, I think that's what she is trying to say. It's a bit hard to follow her "thinking". I'm fairly certain she's gone off her meds again!

Hot enought for ya?

Remember all that ever so righteous right wing outrage after a heat wave in Europe led to many deaths two summers ago? Remember how scornful they were because socialist Europe was allegedly incapable of caring for their people. I wonder what they think about this? I'm sure they will have a rational, market based explanation.

"Is this heaven?"

"No - it's Iowa."

And it's not fairing too well at the moment. But don't worry. I'm sure FEMA's ready and raring to go!

1,000 reasons John McCain shouldn't be President

Number 49: he hates the Magna Carta. His comments on the Supreme Court decision in Boumediene v. Bush say it all as he said that the court had "rendered a decision yesterday that I think is one of the worst decisions in the history of this country". Dred Scott v. Sanford is outraged!

R.I.P.

Tim Russert - 1950 - 2008; journalist and longtime host of Meet the Press.

In the name of peace

Israel plans to build 1,000 more Israeli Jewish homes in East Jerusalem. I expect the condemnation from the White House, and the Presidential campaigns, to be swift, virulent and unequivocal.

The future's bright! The future's orange!

At least in European football it is. The Dutch would appear to be the team to beat in Euro 2008 having beaten both the Italians and, last night, the French in style. I would make the Portu-geezers the second favourites although the announcement that their coach, Luiz Scolari, is headed to Chelsea FC after the tournament might put them off their stride.

1,000 reasons John McCain shouldn't be President

Number 48: he may be trying to run away from Captain Codpiece now but he really wants to be bush III. If you don't believe me, just ask him.

13 June 2008

This can only be a good thing

Nouri Maliki, the Iraqi Prime Minister, has said that talks with the Americans that would allow the US to have up-to-58-not-really-permanent-since-we're-fucking-off-once-the-oil-runs-out-military-bases are at an impasse. Should an agreement not be reached bilaterally the US will have to seek an extension of the UN Security Council Mandate, the one that made the illegal occupation legal after the fact, before it expires in December.

Good news for Cardinals' fans


If InBev takes over Anheuser-Busch maybe you'll be able to get a pint of Stella at newly renamed InBev stadium!

1,000 reasons John McCain shouldn't be President

Number 47: he seems to have trouble keeping his mind made up.

oh mccain

And the number one new word in the Oxford English Dicitonary is....

SUBPRIME (adj): "Of or designating a loan, typically having relatively unfavourable terms, made to a borrower who does not qualify for other loans because of a poor credit history or other circumstances; (also) designating such a borrower."

See also "disaster", "greed" and "runaway neo-liberal, free market capitalism".

Yesterday in infamy

Somehow I missed the fact that yesterday was the 45th anniversary of the assassination of Medgar Evers by a cowardly, white, Christian, full blooded American terrorist.

I hope they didn't spend too much on this

A study from the University of Pittsburgh Medical Center shows that head injuries for motorcyclists have soared since the Keystone State eliminated the helmet requirement. Well what a surprise. I'm sure no one saw this coming.

Maybe they should amend the law so that motorcyclists not wearing helmets lose their "rights" to sue for injuries sustained given their reckless disregard for their own safety. I wouldn't hold my breath waiting for that though as there is no constituency to pander to by doing that.

From the department of "not exactly news"

How can you tell that US Vice President "I'm a Big" Dick Cheney is lying?

His lips are moving; again.

Next rumour please

Barack Obama's campaign has released his birth certificate and, quelle surprise, he wasn't born in Kenya, Moscow or Mecca!



I am a bit suspicious as to the length of time it took the registrar to record the birth however. Who knows what kind of skullduggery his crack campaign staff could have got up to in those four days!

How to tell we are well and truly well down the slippery slope

I think that when America's elected representatives start suggesting that the US Constitution be amended to start removing rights, even when said elected representative is loony Bush apologist Lindsey "No It's Not a Girl's Name" Graham, it is time we need to begin to seriously worry about the state of the Republic.

What do you do when then isn't enough abstinence to go around?

Give 'em twice what they asked for! It also helps if the wife of Republi-con blowhard Bill Bennett is running the programme in question.

Don't be too hasty Barack!

At at town hall meeting in Wisconsin earlier in the week Senator Obama apparently scoffed at the suggestion that a retired Captain Codpiece could have a role in Iraq should Senator Obama become President. I agree that a role as an Ambassador of Reconciliation would be unseemly but I think sending him to the country he illegally invaded for reasons that remain unclear as a working clearing unexploded bomblets from cluster munitions or perhaps collecting bits of depleted uranium with his bare hands might be consider appropriate and fitting by many, if not most, Americans AND Iraqis. So I think Barack should pause and perhaps give the idea some additional consideration.

"Holy Gay Holy Land Batman!"

This past Friday Israel, the country most beloved of America's rabidly anti-gay Christian right, celebrated it's 10th Gay Pride parade. The article from Jewcy goes on to explain that the Hebrew word for gay, "Ge’eh", actually translate into English as "proud". How dare they?

I thought we didn't do peacekeeping

Through a policy of appeasement which has seen a number of truces agreed with terrorists Iraqi freedom fighters the US military has been able to shift from war fighting to peacekeeping in Iraq. Of course none of this matters to John McCain who thinks American troops should stay as long as they aren't being killed. He doesn't mention the level of Iraqi carnage that he views as acceptable but then it is the Iraqis country and I assume that he feels it is fitting that they should die there.

In which it is explained why you should vote Republi-con

Don't forget to watch the whole thing. There is a little treat at the end!

Today in infamy - "well how the hell are we going to get them to Grannie's by Xmas now?" edition

On this day in 1920 the US Post Office ruled that children could not be sent parcel post as live animals. I reckon that means that they may still be posted as long as you kill them first.

12 June 2008

I thought these guys were bought and paid for

Why does the Supreme Court of the US hate freedom so much that they would dare to rule that the guilty evildoers held forever without charge at the luxurious Guantánamo Bay Beach and Leisure Resort have the right to access to civilian courts in order to contest their internment? Apparently these misguided justices believe that the framers of the Constitution intended for evil doers to have rights. I am shocked, appalled and not a little disappointed.

Once again Iran proves itself to be the worst country in the world...

...by executing a seventeen year old boy. Fortunately something as heinous as that can never happen in America; at least it can't since 2005!

Good news for Jack Abramoff and I. Lewis "Scooter" Libby

There are moves afoot to encourage government agencies to hire ex-offenders. But I don't think that they should get their hearts set on something in the White House straightaway.

Benvenuto in Italia

Captain Codpiece should expect a raucous but not rapturous welcome as the European leg of his Legacy '08 Farewell Tour visits Italy. I'm sure he will want to get out in the street and have serious discussions with those waiting to greet him!

In which I praise a Tory

Shadow Home Secretary David Davis is resigning from the Conservative front bench and from Parliament over the passage of the government's 42 detention without charge bill. To quote the honourable (and I mean that) Mr. Davis:

"Up until yesterday I took the view that what we did in the House of Commons, representing our constituents was a noble endeavour because with centuries of forebears we defended the freedoms of the British people - well we did up until yesterday."



Are there any (probably not New) Labourites who wish to follow his example?

Scolari, oh, oh

The fans at Stamford Bridge will get a chance to cheer what the fans at Wembeley missed out on as Chelsea FC, and their mega-billionaire owner Roman Abramovich, have landed former Brazil and current Portugal coach Luiz Scolari. And he better not be thinking that second in the Premiership and second in the Champions' League is good enough because that is what got the last bloke sacked!

"Cause we're out of here the minute the oil runs out!"

Whilst seeing the sights on the European leg of his Legacy '08 Farewell Tour Captain Codpiece paused for a moment to assure the world that the US will have no permanent bases in illegally occupied Iraq. I believe him. Don't you?

The precautionary principle at work

New European Union regulations, coming into effect soon, will require manufacturers to demonstrate that a chemical is safe before it enters the market and American companies are worried about its impact. After all the European Union is a huge and affluent marketplace that they can ill afford to lose, especially if the American economy remains in decline.

The headline says it all

"Intelligent people 'less likely to believe in God'". And before anyone goes on about the damn liberal press the paper in which we find this story is none other than that right wing rag, once owned by Baron Black of Crossharbour, The Torygraph!

Today in infamy - "just don't take it as carry on" edition

111 years ago today the Swiss Army knife was born thereby ensuring that no Swiss soldier would ever be with a cork screw, screw driver, bottle opener or nail file again!

1,000 reasons John McCain shouldn't be President

Number 46: he's having a hard time finding anyone willing to let him use their music for a campaign theme.

Why not try some Lawrence Welk Senator? It's bound to be a hit with your core constituency as long as the batteries in their hearing aids are fully charged up.

War in a time of cholera

It's been over five years since the illegal invasion of Iraq and things have gotten so much better for the people of Baghdad that they have decided to celebrate by infecting their municipal water with cholera. Not how I would have celebrated but perhaps it is a cultural thing.

Think before you buy

Today is World Day against Child Labour so before you stimulate the economy by buying that $4.00 t-shirt make sure you know where it was made and by whom!

The perfect economic storm?

American maize prices have soared to record levels on the back of wet weather in the corn belt which have led to concerns about supply. I wouldn't switch the Hummer over to alco-gas just yet!

1,000 reasons John McCain shouldn't be President

Number 45: he's just about as good on current affairs and geography as the current Oval Office resident. He seems to think that Vladimir Putin used to be the President of Germany.



A word of warning Senator: I wouldn't try and give him an impromptu neck rub if I were you. He knows karate!

Keeping democracy safe from the Shirley Preisses of this world

Shirley Preiss is a 97 year old woman from Arizona. She would like to vote in the election in November but it doesn't look like she'll be able to. "Why not?" one wonders. Because Arizona has one of those new "voter ID" laws, intended to make it difficult for Democrats illegal aliens from voting, that's why. In order to register to vote in Arizona one has to be able to prove that one is a bona fide American and, as Ms. Preiss was born in 1910 in Kentucky before they started handing out birth certificates, she can't do that. There is an option whereby she could get testimony from someone who witnessed her birth but I think that 115 year-old former midwives from Kentucky aren't all that common. It makes you proud, doesn't it?

1,000 reasons John McCain shouldn't be President

Number 44: he doesn't think that it is all that important to bring the troops home from Iraq (and seems almost smug about it as well).

And this time he's angry!

The man behind the shameful and false Willie Horton ads had moved onto the web with the subtly named ExposeObama.com. It's going to be a very rough six months indeed.

Let's be prudent

Look, I don't think that this lunatic from Texas is right that doomsday will start today with a nuclear conflict but let's keep Captain Codpiece away from that briefcase today just as a precaution!

R.I.P.

Habeas corpus - (c. 1215 - 2008). It is fitting I suppose that, bring back memories of the last days of John Major's premiership, Gord-o only won because of the support of the Democratic Unionist Party.

A sad day indeed. Hopefully the House of Lords is not as foolish.

11 June 2008

Shorter E.D. Hill

"If you believe this you are a complete and utter moron!

"You fucking idiot! Iran's the other way, stupid!"

The Pakistani Army is blaming the US military for an air strike in Pakistani territory that killed 11 members of the Pakistani military. With friends like these...

How did Kucinich miss this one?

Not one of his 35 counts of impeachment mention the fact that Captain Codpiece is little more than an appeaser in a codpiece! Brace yourself for the righteous and justified right wing outrage (not to mention a good talking to from "I'm a Big" Dick Cheney)!

Is our Senators learning?

It doesn't seem that Jame Inhofe (R - OK) is. His new campaign ad tells us that Iraq is in Africa. Well all of those brown people continents look alike to me too Senator!

In which I admit that...

...Bill-o O'Reilly is capable of nearly making sense as he does in this clip where he admits that the market doesn't work and that it will take big government intervention to fix it. (Of course, his solutions don't actually make sense or will make things worse but remember that every journey begins with a single step!)

What have we become?

I strongly suggest that you go and read Human Rights Watch's disturbing report on conditions at the Guantánamo Bay Beach and Leisure Resort. Grown men wept. I know I did.

It depends on what the meaning of "everything" is!

Remember poor Linda Lay? She was the wife of the late "Kenny Boy" Lay of Enron fame who stood in front of her home after the collapse of her husband's Ponzi scheme and told they world that her family had lost everything. Well either her idea of "everything" is different from my idea of "everything" or she's picked up one hell of a part time job as she's managed to come up with nearly $110,000 to pay off the condo fees on her tasteful little 12,500 square foot flat in Houston which is valued at over $30 million.

Should have a pity party for the lumpen lass?

Your tax dollars at work

That institution most beloved by American neo-cons, the British Broadcasting Corporation, has investigated the huge scale fraud and waste that is American "aid" to Iraq and found 23 billion USD "missing". Unfortunately if your American your government won't let you know this as most of the fraud and incompetence is covered by gag orders obtained by the Pentagon.

Looks like they're weeding them out!

Discharges from the US military under the "don't ask - don't tell" policy as regards sexual preference continue to decline. Do you reckon that any of them have been for asking?

1,000 reasons John McCain shouldn't be President

Number 43: he's not exactly a ladies' man, is he? It kind of reminds me of the Newtster.

Peut-être il regrette quelque chose?


Say it ain't so! It looks as if the Captain is considering retiring his Codpiece as he expresses regret over being such a wanker. No word as yet as to whether he regrets lying but I am sure it is only a matter of time.

Do you reckon I will be able to find it on eBay?

A joy to watch

The energy market in the state of Texas is the most deregulated in the nation and given the omniscience and omnipotence of the market one would expect that Texas would be free of any difficulties in these troubled times as the price of oil soars. One couldn't be more wrong. Unfortunately some meddling commie-types at the Texas Public Utility Commission look set to prevent the market to work it majestic magic!

Today in infamy - "ain't no nigras goin' here" edition

Forty five years ago today George Wallace, the courageous Governor of Alabama, stood in a doorway at the University of Alabama in a vain attempt to prevent two African-American students from enrolling.

What will I learn at Electoral College?

OK. We now have two (and a bit) candidates. But how will the electoral college pan out? Obama promises a 50 state strategy but I doubt he's going to spend much time or money in North Dakota, Alaska or Alabama. My own in depth analysis, using this a starting point, comes in at 286 - 252 to Obama if, and only if, he wins Ohio. I still hold to my prediction that whichever candidate wins two out of Florida, Ohio and Pennsylvania wins. No matter what I reckon I'm going to have to stay up late again.

10 June 2008

I reckon someone is not going to like this

The European Union is preparing to end the EU's sanctions on Cuba. Why do they hate freedom?

How to know you're having a bad life

1) Have a row with your partner.

2) Get so angry you set fire to £17,000 worth of bank notes.

3) Get found guilty of arson for burning said bank notes.

Gate open? √

Cattle escaped?

Close gate?

Captain Codpiece has come out in favour of the (memory of) the strong dollar. According to the Captain:

"We believe in a strong dollar and that the relative value of economies will end up setting the valuation of the dollar."

In this case I very nearly agree with Our Great Leader. I believe that the "relative value of economies" has set the "valuation of the dollar" but "strong" is not the word I would have chosen to describe that valuation.

How to guarantee panic buying

Step 1: as the head of government tell the public not to panic buy a certain commodity.

Step 2: there is no step 2.

Today in infamy - "because nothing like Sharia could ever happin in America (again)" edition

On this day in 1692 Bridget Bishop was the first, but not the last, woman hanged in Salem MA for witchcraft.

If it ain't broke don't fix it...

...and I am certain that there will be those on the right who will argue that the fact that there are now 25 million under insured Americans, in addition to the millions of uninsured, is not a symptom of a terrible malaise in the American health care (lack of) system but rather that these 25 million citizens are simply making intelligent and uncoerced free market choices about how best to manage their health care (and still have enough to eat). The free market at work is a beautiful thing to watch indeed.

Well 58 is a nice round number, innit?

McClatchey is reporting that, according to Iraqi MPs, the US wants 58 military bases in the country; one for every point in Captain Codpiece's IQ.

Why the wing nuts should learn to love Iran

If only companies in America and Europe had the courage and integrity to take as firm a stance on marriage as the Pars Special Economic Energy Zone Company. I reckon they won't accept "I'm gay" as a valid excuse either.

If only they had had guns

Yes - that is the argument the nut cases over at World Nut Net Daily are making re the recent horrible violence in South Africa and the ongoing horrors in Zimbabwe. They are blaming it on gun control legislation.

Curiously these normally careful and thorough researchers are silent about the shameful US-imposed gun control measures in Iraq!

Now this could prove interesting

Scott McClellan is to testify under oath, something Karl Rove seems to be reticent to do, before the House Judiciary Committee next week. Will the White House try to stop him? If he testifies to illegal acts what will happen? (To be continued...)

1,000 reasons John McCain shouldn't be President

Number 42: he's declared war on beer and that just won't do.

My hero!!!!

You may have noticed, or perhaps not, that I have still not dropped my endorsement of Dennis Kucinich for President in 2008. I have two reasons for this. One, he is the candidate who consistently came closest to my own thinking and two, he is, unlike many of America's craven politicians, a man of courage. He has officially entered into the House 35 counts of impeachment against Our Great Leader George W. Bush, aka Captain Codpiece.

Now it is up to Pelosi and I reckon we all know what that means. Nonetheless it had to be down.

In case you missed any of it

The Democratic primary process in eight minutes courtesy of Slate.

Does this make me gay?

I love Ute Lemper, especially when she sings Kurt Weil. Unfortunately I'm unlikely to be in New York in October.

09 June 2008

Dear Captain Codpiece,

I have some summer reading for you. It's only a magazine article so it will still leave you time to read More of My Pet Goat. This weekend's Guardian included a little primer from Jimmy Carter on how to be an ex-President. I thought it might prove useful for you. Maybe you'll manage one of those Nobel thingies!

Shorter Grant Swank

Atheists (and agnostics and Muslims and Hindus and Buddhists and Sikhs and Taoists and Confucians and Bahá'ís and animists) aren't real Americans.

Sorry Grant but you're wrong. I reckon you must be used to that by now.

Let me preface this by saying...

...that as a man I do not know, and will never know, what it is like to give birth to a baby but I think I can state with great certainly that giving birth to a sumo baby would not be a walk in the park. That is all.

Why they hate us for our freedoms

There is no doubt that the Islamofacistbastards hate America and I can clearly demonstrate why using this simple but persuasive example from, (where else?), Texas. In the city of Dallas there is a rundown thoroughfare known as Industrial Boulevard. The city council would like to rename it as part of redevelopment plans so the city council sponsors a poll to find out what the people of Dallas would like to call it. The people of Dallas firmly and unequivocally say "César Chávez Boulevard".

The city council responds by saying "you didn't think that was a real poll, did you". It's just we have some friends in the polling business and we wanted to throw some money their way.

Why does no one ever answer me?

I ask and ask and ask and yet no one can explain to me who these 28% of Americans are who still approve of the performance of Captain Codpiece nor does anyone bother to tell me what is wrong with them. I beg of you please. I need answers!

Is Laura Bush a terrorist or just trying to sell doughnuts?


The soon to be ex-First Lady is visiting Afghanistan to let us know how well things aren't going there. But what is that around her neck? I, for one, am suspicious but I shall let others claim the credit!

Holidaying in America?

Whatever you do don't eat tomatoes. It really is slipping into the third world and not too slowly either.

Uh oh, I don't think he cleared this with the neo-cons!

Iraqi Prime Minister Nuri al Maliki has displayed incredible hubris by daring to act as the head of government of a sovereign nation and assured Iran that Iraqi territory would never be used to attack Iran. At best he's going to get a stern talking to and at worst...

It's not such a problem if you live on a hill...

...but there are literally billions of people world wide, living in low lying areas, who are at great risk from climate change and rising sea levels. The residents of the Oceanic nation Kiribati are perhaps foremost amongst them. The country's president, Anote Tong, believes that his nation will soon disappear and has asked for assistance in evacuation and resettlement. I have no doubt that American immigration will treat them fairly after deciding that they are economic refugees who are just using the fact that their country now longer exists to gain access to the wide range of minimum wage jobs available in America's service industry.

I thought I might share this with you

Yesterday's Independent on Sunday carried an opinion piece by Sarah Churchwell about Barack Obama and his chances for victory in November. It is thoughtful and well worth a read but I don't mention it for that. I mention it because the following quote highlights the much more sensible policies of all of the major British papers towards the use of obscenity in print. Ms. Churchwell, in discussing Senator McCain's character has the following to say:

"I would put nothing past a man who, it has been alleged and not denied, has called his own wife a cunt."

The use of the justifiably reviled "C" word in this case is not gratuitous. How can one possibly discuss the (alleged) incident without using the word? The American press would simply report, had they not already chosen to ignore the accusation, that "McCain cursed his wife" or "McCain called his wife an expletive". Neither of those does justice to what may, or may not, have occurred between the two. If it is duty of the press to report then they must report, and report truthfully, including the use of often offensive language when it is necessary and germane to the story.

Well what the hell else are they good for?

Evel's kid Robbie jumped over 21 apparently abandoned Hummers in Texas at the weekend. I reckon that counts as news somewhere.

It's not really what I expect from IHoP

They sure know how to have a good time down in Louisiana so no one should be surprised that the International House of Pancakes Prayer in Shreveport celebrated the coming of summer with a good old fashioned book burning. After throwing Harry Potter and the Sorcerer's Stone and, for good measure, some porn into the conflagration one Adriane Banks is quoted as saying:

"As I tore the pages, I felt a generational curse of immorality and perversion breaking off my family...I felt it."

Like I said they sure know how to have a good time down there.

You had better get used to it

As the US dollar's value plummets the United States is no longer the market of first choice for multi-nationals as Nintendo's decision to send four times as many Wii Fit units to Europe as compared to American in order to maximise profits.

Now repeat after me - "shareholder value, shareholder value, shareholder value". See. I' certain that you feel better already.

All Bill Moyers, all the time

At forty minutes it is rather long for our sound bite age but I think you will enjoy Bill Moyers's speech to the National Conference on Media Reform at the weekend.

Should I cancel my haircut appointment?

According to Texas prophet Yisrayl "Buffalo Bill" Hawkins doomsday will happen next Thursday or sooner in the form of a nuclear war starting in the region of the Euphrates River. Please don't tell Captain Codpiece. I'd rather he didn't start getting any ideas.

So who the hell wants it then?

Parliament is due to debate and vote on the proposed new 42 day internment detention limit this week. Yesterday Home Secretary Jacqui Smith admitted that MI5 has not asked for these new powers simply saying that the ghostly security service has said that the "scale of the threat" is growing. Today The Guardian also reports that at least four of the nations top police executives are attacking the plans saying that it will damage the reputation of the police, damage the police forces' relations with the Muslim community that is clearly the target and lead to pressures to manufacture evidence against those held without charge.

Gordon, I think you're hanging your hat on the wrong peg.

Have you heard about it yet, Numb Nuts?


Remember that press conference about three months ago when Captain Codpiece was surprised when a reporter suggested that gasoline could shortly be hitting $4 a gallon?
"That's interesting. I hadn't heard that."
Well it seems that it happened yesterday.

Note to Americans: 4 USD a US gallon still sounds terribly cheap to me.

Isn't there a crime here or are we no longer a "nation of laws"?

The Pentagon explicitly urged interrogators at the Guantánamo Bay Beach and Leisure Resort to destroy any and all notes relating to the interrogation and treatment of prisoners in case they were called to testify. I'm sure that the Department of Justice will get right on this.

1,000 reasons John McCain shouldn't be President

Number 41: he seems to think he's Baldrick. At least he seems to think that he has a "cunning plan" that will seem him winning 25% of the black vote and sprinting to victory in November.

It's good to laugh, innit?

Goodbye and good riddance

Captain Codpiece's extended Legacy '08 Tour visits Europe this week and there doesn't seem to be anyone who is sad to see him go. Bless.

Out-Fauxed!

A producer from Bill-O O'Reilly's show tries, and fails, to ambush Bill Moyers. The young, eager and annoying Porter Barry* was trying to fight well out of his class.



*Is it just me or does "Porter Barry" sound like a name that could only come from a family deeply immersed in the East Coast, old money, intellectual elite that Bill-o and those of his despicable ilk so like to scorn?

Whose oil do they think it is anyway?

The Organisation of Petroleum Exporting Countries has found no reason to pump more oil despite the hardships being encountered by God-fearing, Hummer driving, McMansion living Americans. Do we have to invade them all?

Note: towards the end of the article you will find a quote from the head of Libya's National Oil Corporation, Shokri Ghanem:

"The easy, cheap oil is over...Peak oil is looming."

Is this first time an OPEC member has publicly used the term "peak oil"?

This can only be good news

The McCain campaign is, so far at least, failing miserably with Ohio Republicans and it doesn't take a genius to know that whichever candidate wins at least two of Florida, Ohio and Pennsylvania is probably going to win the Presidency.

But we stole it fair and square!

I think Captain Codpiece is going soft in his (thankfully) final months in office. The US Park Service is considering returning half of the Badlands National Park to the Ogala Sioux. Clearly there is no oil there. Just don't anyone start thinking that this is any kind of precedent, OK?