28 August 2008

Today in infamy

On this day in 1955 14 year old Emmett Till was tortured and murdered by good Christian white folk in Money, Mississippi.


The US government is warning their good friends on Whitehall that disclosing any "secret" information about the alleged torture of British resident Binyam Mohamed before his illegal transfer to the Guantánamo Bay Beach and Leisure Resort, even if ordered to do so by the British High Court, will damage the security relationship between the two countries. Lawyers for Mohamed are insisting on access to all of the records of his detention and interrogation before being sent to Gitmo. The US has said it will make records available to the kangaroo courts in Cuba but not to Mohamed's legal team. Mohamed was held in Pakistan and Morocco, after be illegally "rendered" there by the US, and it is alleged that amongst other things he was tortured aggressively interrogated whilst (the weak of heart may wish to stop reading now) have his penis cut with a razor. MI5 is alleged to have participated in the abuse of Mr. Mohamed.

Won't someone please think of the frog?

Museum officials in Bolzano, Italy are being pressured to bow the almighty will of God's representative on Earth, Il Papa, and remove a sculpture by Martin Kippenberger. The offending sculpture has been declared blasphemous by the infallible one as it portrays a crucified frog. Clearly the sculpture should not only be removed it should be burned or crushed or something lest it offend God and in Her anger She lets John McCain "win" the US election. Of course, this is nothing at all like Muslims getting upset about some cartoons!

I wonder if this applies to the Green Zone Pizza Hut

The Iraqi government has announced plans to ban public eating and close all restaurants and food shops during the Muslim holy month of Ramadan. I suppose it should apply IF the Green Zone was actually part of Iraq but we all know better than that, don't we.

Where the fuck was this guy four years ago?

Senator John Kerry gave a bloody good, and McCain bashing, speech at the Democratic Convention last night.

My new hero

Meet Pia Sundhage, the coach of the US Olympic women's football team. Ms. Sundhage, a Swedish national has turned down the incredible opportunity to visit the White House along with the members of her gold medal winning team. Ms. Sundhage made it understood that "she doesn’t share Bush’ politics and isn’t interested in meeting him". It makes me feel all warm and happy inside!

Whilst you weren't watching....

...Israel continues to violate international law by building more settlements in illegally occupied East Jerusalem. I am sure that the US government will see to it that their good ally ceases this shameful violation of numerous UN resolutions post haste, or not.

1,000 reasons John McCain shouldn't be President

Number 80: John McCain has an ominous not-really-an-attack-ad-since-he-said-wouldn't-use-attack-ads in which he quotes Senator Obama as saying that Iran is a "small country"; Obama did indeed say words to that effect but he was comparing the threat of Iran to the threat that the Soviet Union has posed. The clear message is that you must be afraid and if you are afraid the only sensible thing to do is to vote Republi-con. Of course he probably hopes that we forget that The Aged One himself once thought Iran was so small it was merely a line between Pakistan and Iraq. But even if we do remember all should be forgiven because he was once without a kitchen table even if now he has seven or eight!

27 August 2008

Not for the rest of humanity it wasn't, OK?

Captain Codpiece apparently told a bunch of Republi-con fundraisers that being president was, wait for it, a "cool experience". As for the rest of us we should just like back and think of 20 January 2009.

Bloody hell, now he's gone and done it!

Apparently former governor of Virginia Mark Warner mentioned science in his speech. Just when we had managed to drown out the claims of elitism. There goes the votes of middle America!

I wonder how they broke this to Ann Widdicome

Tory health spokesperson Andrew Lansley tells us that there's not excuse for being fat although he provides no specifics as to how he will rid the UK of this heinous obesity! Eugenics anyone?

Won't someone please make them stop??

Just when it seems that Rupert Murdoch's Faux and Balanced coverage had reached its nadir they manage to outdo themselves once again. Watch in amazement as Megyn (couldn't her parents spell?) Kelly points out that if you take Michelle Obama's speech, take out the words she actually said and put in some others she didn't actually say she obviously hates America!

At some point can't we just take their licence away?

I want to know who'll be answering the phone at 3 PM!

Unable to come up with any creative ideas of their own, a fact that should have been obvious from their policy statements, the McCain team have shamelessly stolen the Hillary Clinton 3AM phone call idea for his new not-at-all-negative advertisement. But if The Aged One becomes president who the hell will be answering the White House phone at 3 in the afternoon because, with a 72 year old tottering around upstairs that will surely be nap time!

Let us pause for a moment...

...and listen to the man who really ought to be the next American president, Dennis Kucinich.

At least they allowed him a forum to speak...

Do you want the less bad news or the bad news?

The less bad news, according to data released by the US Census Bureau yesterday, indicates that the gender pay gap in the US is at its lowest level ever, largely because women are making modest gains in income whilst men are making no gains at all. The bad news, as spun by the absolutely unbiased Wall Street Journal, is that the number of those lacking health insurance in 2007, before the economy went down the sub-prime hopper, declined marginally and that median incomes were also up marginally. The WSJ goes on to claim that the increase in those living in poverty in the GREATEST NATION IN THE KNOWN UNIVERSE was statistically insignificant.

Godless UN attempting to destroy America

Officials from the United Nations Assistance Mission for Afghanistan say they have convincing evidence that at least 90 Afghan civilians, including 60 children, were killed in a US bombing run which, from the cozy confines of Crawford (TX) Middle School, highly paid prevaricator deputy sub-assistant Presidential spokesmodel Tony Fratto described as a "good strike". Mr. Fratto went on to say that "NATO forces...take every precaution to try to avoid innocent civilian casualties" so one can only imagine the carnage if we weren't so bloody careful.

I too am inspired

John McCain is right to be proud of his wife, who made her money (and his career) the old fashioned way, by inheriting it. And The Aged One is right to view his father in law as a great American success story who seems to have made his money the Republi-con way, by breaking the law. Maybe someone, other than a blog or two will ask him to explain but I rather doubt it. Holy shit, it must be true! Even Jerome Corsi and WorldNetDaily have noticed.

"Gee Jay did I forget to mention I was a POW (without a kitchen table)"

John McCain, on The Tonight Show, to explain how the plethora of homes owned by he and his wife is just a sad attempt to make up for the time he lost whilst an untortured prisoner in Vietnam without a kitchen table.

Oh, and let's stop calling John and Cindy's "little" place in North Arizona a "ranch"; let's call it what it is - their country estate.

Tories accuse Labour of hate crime

Apparently the calls for a windfall profits tax on energy firms by (mostly not-so-New) Labour backbenchers is apparently just a reversion to good old "socialist hatred" of the stinking rich according to Alan Duncan the shadow business secretary and will not lead to "fair taxation". The Rt. Hon. Mr. Duncan doesn't go on to explain what he might mean by "fair taxation" but it doesn't take a great deal of imagination to guess.

Can someone please explain to me...

...what the purpose of Cindy McCain's trip to Georgia is? Is she going to try and land the South Ossetian Anheuser Busch distribution franchise or is she just trying to take advantage of the the post war chaos to pick up a Black Sea front condo on the cheap? No wonder The Aged One can't keep track of how many homes he has!

I say off to Gitmo with them!!

Do you think that if these exemplary American citizens were brown and/or Muslim that the authorities would be downplaying the threat? And why the curious silence from the right about these obvious terror suspects about the lack of terror charges? All they are holding these upstanding members of the community on are drugs and weapons charges. I think if we send them off to an undisclosed location and put them under some "enhanced interrogation" we will get the truth out of them soon enough.

In case you haven't seen them these members-in-waiting of the master race look like this.

Why I like Pelosi's big idea!

Surrounded by brainless right wing protesters outside the Democratic Convention who were chanting "Drill here now" Ms. Pelosi suggested that we could make a good start by drilling in "their brains".

I have a better idea. Maybe we could start with whatever brains this lot has!

Whatever you do don't mention Kosovo!

The French Foreign Minister Bernard Kouchner, with a supporting chorus from London and Washington, has declared Russia's recognition of the Independence of Georgia's want-away regions of South Ossetia and Abkhazia as a violation of international law. I hear echoes of something from the recent past.

Someone should probably tell Il Papa

If only the Catholic Church would go back to, oh let's say, the 10th century and bring back the traditional Office of Same Sex Union or even just to the 12th century for the Order for Uniting Two Men they might not be so hostile to gay marriage!

Meanwhile one would think that plans to make Cardinal John Newman a saint might have to be scuppered if the word gets out he was gay. Why am I reminded of J. Edgar Hoover?

Well done Hillary!

And thanks...now if we can just get those supporters of yours who are threatening to vote for woman-unfriendly John "The Aged One" McCain to get their heads out of their arse and think about what they might be doing to American and to woman-kind in general things might just be alright in the end.

26 August 2008

Headline of the day

"MILF linked to Al-Qaeda".

At least I now understand why they're so reluctant to come out of those caves!

Today in Schadenfreude

The only news of any import that I have found to come out of the Democratic national convention so far is that one luxury box at the convention center was flooded by a "faulty" sprinkler. The box in question housed the Faux News contingent.


...when you care enough to boycott the very best. The American (Only Our Kind of) Family Association wants you to boycott hallmark because they've launched a smallish range of gay wedding cards.

I think these people drink too much coffee.

So long to bad rubbish

British merchants of death BAE Systems, recently protected from prosecution for corrupt practices in the name of "national security" by our right wing Labour government, has now delivered an unveiled threat to quit the UK if military spending should ever fall below a "reasonable level". BAE's retiring CEO Mike Turner told the Financial Times that failure to give "the priority to defence that is needed" would mean that the UK would lose its "say in the world".

Nice, eh? Well personally I think you should just fuck off then. Perhaps you can find an empty office campus in Dubai next to that company so beloved of American Vice President and evil incarnate "I'm a Big" Dick Cheney, Halliburton.

Clearly I have no sense of imagination

Where folks in the Toronto suburb of Scarborough see an apparition of the virgin Mary in tree bark I only see a badly pruned tree.

Key quote from Christopher Moreau who is responsible for the miraculous sighting, which he first saw after cracking a beer in his back garden: "I am not a wacko".

What's the matter with Arkansas?

God loving child haters in the Sunshine State claim to have garnered enough signatures to force a measure onto the ballot in November that would bar co-habitating couples from adopting or fostering children; because it's better that a child should remain in an orphanage or other state institution than be exposed to a loving family. The petition was sponsored by the rather ironically named Arkansas Families First organisation.

Won't someone please think of the children? These folks obviously didn't.

Why Dick Morris is, indeed, a dick

I swear you can't make this shit up. The eminent Mr. Morris claims that we didn't invade Iraq we were invited by a democratically elected government. I check it twice. He really does say that.

1,000 reasons John McCain shouldn't be President

Number 79: his cappuccino has an enormous carbon footprint and I'll bet it's not free trade either!

Does this mean there won't be any oil?

Traitorous Iraqi Prime Minister Nouri al-Maliki is sticking to his guns and insisting that all US troops will have to leave the country by the end of 2011. Strangely the US government position is that "there's no agreement yet".

Arm twisting, blackmail, bribery and extortion to follow....

And the winner is [drumroll]

At least according to the patented Yank in London modified Beijing Olympics medal table methodology Jamaica escaped with a fairly narrow victory over regional rivals the Bahamas, 14.6 points per million to 13.0 ppm. A late surge by Iceland, who won a silver medal in something, saw them leap from literally nowhere into third position on the final day with 9.87 ppm. Bahrain (6.96 ppm) and Norway (6.89 ppm) round out the top 5. Australia ended up in 7th; one position worse then their 6th place finish in the traditional table. Great Britain (whatever happened to Northern Ireland) finished in 21st place on 2.44 ppm. The US managed to struggle up to 44th position on 1.09 ppm and hosts China ended up in a disappointing 64th position. Bringing up the rear of the medalling nations was India, forever ruing the exclusion of cricket as an Olympic sport!

(Sorry for the delay in reporting the results. Busy bank holiday what with barbies and carnivals to attend. At least I have had my annual dose of curried goat, jerk chicken, salt fish & ackee and rice and gungo peas!)

23 August 2008

You are what you eat...

...and you probably wouldn't want to be a Hot Pocket Pepperoni Pizza anyway so it's just as well that Nestlé Foods is "recalling approximately (sic) 215,660 pounds" of the tasty treats which you will note are reassuringly marked with the "USDA mark of inspection". Apparently Nestlé believes that these frozen convenience "foods" might contain unidentified "foreign materials".

Have a nice day!

If it walks like a timetable...

...and talks like a timetable it's probably a timetable. Why does Captain Codpiece want to cut and run?

Perhaps The Aged One will explain.

Presenteed without comment

Obama locks up Delaware's 3 electoral votes

As a native Delawarean (I was born in Wilmington and lived there in a hospital incubator for about ten days before moving to southern Pennsylvania) I am proud to announce that Barack Obama has chosen the First State's own Joseph Biden as his Vice Presidential nominee. Biden is clearly not on the ticket to help swing a state or two but rather there for his experience and to patch holes in Obama's CV. Let's hope that this unusual strategy works, eh?

Back to hearts and minds

There are reports out of Afghanistan, although you would hardly know it if you rely on US news sources, that a US air strike has killed over 70 civilians, many of them children, in Herat province. Afghan President Hamid Karzai has condemned the attacks by his American masters allies claiming that the strikes had led to nothing but civilian death and destruction.

On the hearts and minds front

Apparently at one point Captain Codpiece promised to double the size of the Peace Corps but when one is involved in an Eternal Global War on Terra sometimes one has to make sacrifices and, in wartime, the obvious thing to sacrifice is peace.

1,000 reasons John McCain shouldn't be President

Number 78: it seems that neither he nor his much younger heiress trophy wife is capable of accurately remembering anything (or they just think they can get away with lies) as the Aged One's campaign has to scrub a story about Miss Cindy and Sister Teresa from the website after it turns out to be, well, completely untrue!

1,000 reasons John McCain shouldn't be President

Number 77: between 2006 and 2007 the McCain family budget for domestic servants went up from 184K USD to 273K USD. I reckon the increase is due not to an increased number of genuflecting domestics but, anticipating his Presidential run, the hiring of legal immigrants for a change.

Oh, the Faux-ness

Thanks to the good folks at 236.com I haven't had to sign up to Sky just to get Faux News so I could watch their carefully researched hatchet job "Fair and Balanced" documentary on Barack Hussein Obama. They've captured all the important bits in only 60 seconds.

The penultimate medal table

The patented Yank in London modified Beijing Olympics medal table methodology shows no change at the top of table and, barring another surprise medal from Bahrain, it looks as if Jamaica has a lock on the top spot with 6 golds, 3 silvers and bronze worth 40 points measured against a population of only 2.8 million. Bahrain is in second, Slovenia third, Estonia fourth and Australia has slipped into fifth, almost unnoticed.

Losing the Eisenhowers

Ike's grand-daughter and respected business consultant Susan Eisenhower has decided she can no longer be a Republi-con. For such a smart woman it certainly took her long enough.

22 August 2008

Why I feel no sympathy for Carol Bouslog

The 65 year old Ms. Bouslog, from Muncie Ind, obviously didn't try hard enough. If she had tried harder she could have taken the John McCain route and married someone who had inherited a whole bunch of money (after deserting an earlier spouse who hadn't bothered to inherit anything) and then she wouldn't be able to tell you, at least on the spur of the moment, how many homes she owns. Instead Ms. Bouslog lost her job, was diagnosed with bladder cancer and lost the only home she had bothered to buy. See, the free market works!

Today in Schadenfreude

The LA Times reports that there might be some question as to whether Disney actually owns the copyright to Mickey Mouse.

Given penchant for the copyright infringement lawsuit (or threat of lawsuit) can this be too good to be true?

1,000 reasons John McCain shouldn't be President

Number 76: if, following the letter of official US policy, John McCain wasn't tortured as a prisoner of the Vietnamese that can only mean that his confession to war crimes wasn't coerced and he must be a traitor.

No change

A quick review of the results utilising the patented Yank in London modified Beijing Olympics medal table methodology reveals no change at the top of the table with Jamaica, Bahrain, Slovenia, Estonia and New Zealand still in the top five positions. Great Britain slips a bit to 20th and with the US sliding further down into 42nd.

1,000 reasons John McCain shouldn't be President

Number 75: even Newsweek, hardly a haven of frothing left wing fury, has noticed he is just making stuff up in an attempt to smear Barack Obama.

21 August 2008

We should have expected this

No sooner have the Maoists got into power in Nepal then they start clamping down on religious freedoms by ruling that Goddesses have to go to school!

Why do the Republi-cons think that they are qualified to run a country...

...when they're clearly not capable of running an Exchange server. It now seems that the White House is missing at least 225 days of emails and that these are unlikely to be found before Captain Codpiece and his evil minions decamp in January.

And grown men wept

It can happen here. The US Justice Department is quietly making plans to remove restrictions on the FBI that would see the American secret police domestic investigative unit allowed to open investigations into American citizens WITHOUT A TRACE OF SUSPICION! But don't worry if you're a non-Muslim, white person you probably have nothing to worry about.

Jamaica takes commanding leading!

As of earlier this morning, and not including the women's 200 metre final, the patented Yank in London modified Beijing Olympics medal analysis methodology saw Jamaica surge back into the lead with a truly extraordinary 10.34 points per million of population pushing those pesky Bahrainis back into second place (6.96 ppm) with Slovenia (6.47 ppm), Estonia (6.12 ppm) and antipodeans New Zealand (5.51 ppm) rounding out the top five. Team GB is still in a respectable 16th place (2.12 ppm) but America remains mired in mid-table obscurity at 39th (0.81 ppm)and India continue to bring up the rear due to the lack of cricket on the Olympic menu!

Sorry Ted

Efforts by slimy Republi-con Senator Ted Stevens has lost out in his attempt to have his corruption trial moved from Washington to Alaska after a federal judge ruled that such a move would cause unnecessary "delay and additional expense". Reports that Senator Stevens suggested that if the expense was a problem he has some friends that would be willing to chip in some dosh cannot be confirmed at this time.

20 August 2008

Let's not wait...

...now that former Democrat and current Republi-dent Senator Joe Lieberman has seemingly decided to address the Republi-con national convention the Democratic Party should, no - must, kick him out of the caucus and strip him of his committee chairmanship and any other perks he gets. It's only for a few months when nothing is going to happen anyway!

Go here to help!

1,000 reasons John McCain shouldn't be President

Number 74: his rather wealthy wife's sister wasn't an only child (either)! Family, who needs 'em, eh?

Imagine my disappointment...

...after reading a headline that said "Dodging Impeachment: President Resigns" to find that the article was about Captain Codpiece's bestest buddy ex-General Pervez Musharraf of Pakistan and not the Captain himself. Maybe next time, eh?

And grown men wept - at least this one did

I think I am finally beginning to understand the seemingly senseless resistance to a sensible means of providing access to medical care in the country of my birth. Fully 50% of my countrymen believe that believe that God will reverse a terminal illness if one just prays.

Unfortunately I somehow doubt that these 50% match up very well with the 65% of Americans who "had medical bill problems or debt, went without needed care because of cost, were uninsured for a time, or were underinsured" in 2007. If it did there wouldn't be a problem then, would there? I hope these 50% of the people are unnecessarily cluttering up hospital wards or taking up doctors time.

Today in Schadenfreude

It seems that neocon scumbag Michael Ledeen has been sacked from the American Enterprise Institute. Now if they would only get rid of twenty or thirty of his soulmates one might possibly consider them a think tank again.

1,000 reasons John McCain shouldn't be President

Number 73: he has more McMansions* than you can shake a stick at; if you are in the mood to shake sticks at McMansions.

* Actually to call the McCains homes "McMansions" does them a disservice. They're proper mansions.

Wow, he is fast

Usain Bolt has done the sprint double with a second world record in the 200 metres; apparently without watching himself on telly. Only hours ago I predicted that he would win but without getting near Michael Johnson's record. (I can't pick horses either.)

Well I didn't see this coming!

Once again the patented Yank in London modified Beijing Olympics medal analysis methodology throws us a curve ball with Bahrain leaping ahead of Jamaica with 6.96 points per million over the Caribbean nation's 6.77. Slovenia and Estonia are third and fourth respectively with New Zealand pushing their antipodean neighbours Australia out of the top five. This is getting interesting.

The UK remains on the edge of respectability at 16th and US is mired in mid-table obscurity at 39th with 0.77 points per million. Better luck next time Yanks!

19 August 2008

Today in Schadenfreude

The heads of Christian wing nuts right across the country must be exploding after the decision of a California Supreme Court that says that doctors cannot refuse to treat homosexuals because of their religious beliefs. Now I am sure that there will be those who say that this is a violation of their religious freedom but I wholeheartedly disagree. When one chooses a career of service one cannot pick who one will treat based on one's selective reading of a religious text. If homosexuality (or blacks or women or left handers) so offend you one simply needs to find an alternative career. After all I don't think you will find many Quakers pursuing careers as atomic weapons technicians or scientists, now will you?

I wonder if he's planning a comeback tour

Britain's (not exactly) favourite former paedophilic pop star Gary Glitter is on his way back to the UK. Of course if he does have plans for a tour they'll have to give the shows an 18 certificate just to help the poor man avoid unnecessary temptation.

Why does the Bush family hate America?

Inflation in America is at its highest level since the early 1990's. During this earlier period the US President was a man by the name of George Bush and the US military was in Iraq. I just put the dots on the (figurative) paper. I leave you to connect them.

The sooner the better I say

Perhaps America is the great melting pot after all. In less than 40 years the descendants of non-Hispanic immigrants will no longer be in a majority in the United States; merely a plurality. Now if they will just get to inter-breeding. The sooner we are all the colour of milky coffee the better off we will all be!


Alaska's King of Pork, Senator Ted Stevens, is a slimy little weasel!

Oh, you knew that already. Well never mind then.

Jamaica widens the gap!!

Using the patented Yank in London modified Beijing Olympics medal analysis methodology we find that Jamaica continues to lead the medal table with 6.78 points per million of population. Slovenia, Estonia and those pesky antipodeans, Australia and New Zealand round out the top five. My adopted country has surged forward to 15th place, mostly whilst sitting down and the country of my birth continues to toil in mid table obscurity where they are now sure to finish. So no crowing after the Olympics Yanks; you won't have come first no matter how much you play with the rankings!

18 August 2008

Jah loves Jamaica!

Thanks to the swiftness of their 100 metre runners Jamaica has built a possibly insurmountable lead at the top of the Yank in London modified Beijing Olympics medal table with 6.77 points per million of population with Slovenia (a lovely little country by the way) surging into second with nearly 5 point per million. Australia is still not to be counted out in third and they are closely followed by their fellow antipodeans New Zealand. Slovakia rounds out the top five.

Following a brilliant performance at the weekend the United Kingdom have remained nearly stationary in 21st place whilst the US has fallen to 37th; behind such sporting notables as Kyrgyzstan, Zimbabwe, Armenia, Finland and Mongolia! India continues to have a lock on the first relegation place with a miserable 0.004 points per million! More later.

16 August 2008

How do you say....

..."new world order? I'll show you some new world order!" in Russian? Feeling their oats the Russians have now issued a thinly veiled threat to Poland over it's deal to sigh up to the American son-of-the-son-of-the-son-of-Star-Wars. The threat was so thinly veiled that nuclear weapons were mentioned.

There's no other way to describe him

Captain Codpiece is an arrogant, ignorant, spoiled rich kid and out of touch cunt. "I don't see America having any problems" indeed!

Kudos to the American press that the best interview in quite some time of this sniveling bastard has to come from a sportscaster!

It takes a lot to laugh...

...it takes a Bush to cry. Apparently unaware that he shot his own moral legs out from under him and his country sometime age Captain Codpiece accuses the Russians of "bullying and intimidation".

I think it's time for a drink!

Don't forget your Kevlar

In America this week the gun related insanity continues unabated as one one brave judge in Georgia, the state not the country, decided that it was a carry permit too far to allow armed idiots into the state's airports but, even whilst it is temporarily safe to pass through Atlanta's airport, it will not be safe to return to school in the Harrold school district in North Texas, where else, as teachers and staff are to be allowed to pack heat.


Mahmoud Darwish, Palestinian poet, 1942 - 2008.

Why do the Iraqis hate freedom??

This past weekend yet another Iraqi government official, this time Foreign Minister Hoshiyar Zebari, spoke out to demand a timetable for US withdrawal for the occupied country in exchange for permission to stay beyond the end of the year. What will the Aged One have to say?

Damn Antipodeans!

Well it was inevitable wasn't it? Using the patented Yank in London modified Beijing Olympics medal table methodology as of last night the Aussie have moved into first place with 3.35 points per million of population with the Slovaks still making a battle of it in second place with 3.30 PPM. Norway, Mongolia and Georgia round out the top five whilst my home country of the UK languishes in 20th position just ahead of my homeland, the US, in 22nd. Meanwhile India, on 0.004 PPM, is destined for relegation!

15 August 2008

Steppe-ing out!!!

According the official Yank in London modified Beijing Olympics medal table Mongolia is the new Georgia and now lead this most important of all Olympic rating systems with 2.67 points per million narrowly edging out Wednesday's leader Georgia whose team is probably otherwise engaged! Still midtable obscurity for the Yanks in 18th place with 0.3 points per million as well as the ultimate ignominy of trailing Britain in 17th place!

13 August 2008

Go, go Georgia

The official Yank in London modified Beijing Olympics medal table continues and today sees the state nation of Georgia, militarily defeated as it may be, surge into a potentially insurmountable lead with a score of 2.38 points per million of population! Australia is anchoring its position in second at 1.55, Slovenia is third at 1.49, Slovakia fourth at 1.47 and Azerbaijan fifth at 1.35. The UK is slipping down the table and now ranks 25th and midtable obscurity beckons for the US in 26th. India at a meagre 0.004 points per million still brings up the rear!

It's safe to get back in your Hummers!!!

Today's weather has finally convinced me that global warming is just a cruel hoax. I'd swear it was late October!

I may be paranoid but I am not alone!

I may not be the only one who smells something rotten in the state nation of Georgia. There are others just as cynical as me. Could I be right?

12 August 2008

Autumn is a-comin' in!

I hereby declare the less than brilliant British summer over!

Those surging Slovaks!

The second edition of the official Yank in London modified Beijing Olympics medal table sees the Slovak Republic surge into a commanding lead thanks to gold medal from Michal Martikan in Men's canoeing. The Slovaks now have 1.47 points per million of population making it nearly impossible, already, to the US to ever take the lead. Azerbaijan has moved up to second and the Aussies into third forcing yesterday's leader Finland into fourth. The US did move up to 15th place; still behind Britain in 11th. Hosts China remain mired in 27th and India, being an incredibly populous country that isn't much good at anything beside cricket, sadly not an Olympic event, bring up the rear of the medal winning nations with a pathetic 0.004 points per million!

More to come!

Georgia on my mind

Am I the only one who is thinking that Georgian President Mikheil Saakashvili might have had a bit of nudge from someone that set him off on his colossal misadventure in South Ossetia? Perhaps in the form of one of those deliberately misinterpretable messages such as the one that sent Saddam Hussein into Kuwait? There is an election coming up and this hopefully short lived conflict gives The Aged One a chance to be bellicose and strut his questionable national security credentials.

Whilst you weren't watching....

I know you have all been busy watching the news from Georgia (and wondering why no one there seems to speak English) or possibly enjoying the Freedom Olympics live from Beijing or, if you are a Faux News aficionado (or as I like to call them "afauxionados"), worrying about John Edward's sex life. Therefore I find it my duty to tell that, in and around Kirkuk at least, the surge doesn't seem to be working anymore and civil war in brewing.

11 August 2008

And now, for the first time anywhere....

....the official Yank in London modified Beijing Olympics medal table (rules below):

In first place at 1.144 is Finland (one gold - one bronze)

In second place at 0.978 is the Czech Republic

In third place at 0.650 is South Korea

Great Britian is 19th, the US a lowly 24th and China 32nd!

Further updates to follow over the next fortnight.

The rules: (5 x golds + 3 x silvers + bronzes) / population in millions


Isaac Hayes - 1942 - 2008.

09 August 2008

Well that's relief

Despite an approval rating in the neighbourhood of 0.00002% US Vice President "I'm a Big" Dick Cheney will deliver a triumphant farewell speech at the Republican National Convention. Rumours that delegates will be required to arrive at the hall twelve hours before the speech, to remain barefoot and be tied to their chairs during the speech cannot be confirmed at this time.

Why does Captain Codpiece hate freedom?

He looks set to agree a deal with the government of Iraq that would force the next President to cut and run. Well at least it isn't a timetable!

I guess that trip to Atlanta is off

"Britain warns against travel to Georgia."

Important news!

As the election draws nearer and magically, after having remained steady since the midterm elections, the terror alert level drifts up from Bert through Ernie into Elmo terror-tory there will once again be a mad rush to Home Depot to stock up on plastic sheeting, duct tape and nail guns. But no one wants to the fight the crowds even so supplies as urgent as this. What's a sensible but lazy and borderline obese citizen to do. I have the solution: SurvivorMall.com! So sit back, pop another Belgian Budweiser and click your way to safety!

Why I think that we should give up on impeachment...

...and, assuming that the allegations in Ron Suskind's new book are true, concentrate on getting Captain Codpiece, "I'm a Big" Dick Cheney and associated evil minions tried and convicted for war crimes and crimes against humanity. Do we need clearer evidence that this lot did exactly what most of those tried at Nuremberg were convicted of, waging an illegal war of aggression.

1,000 reasons John McCain should not be President

Number 72: it would seem that this is his idea of straight talk and campaing of (virtually no) ideas!

07 August 2008

Somehow I don't think that they've actually thought this through!

The World Congress for Families has decided to hold it's next annual in shindig in Amsterdam. Now I think that the Netherlands is an incredibly family friendly country; what with significant legally mandated maternity and paternity leave, flex hour requirements for workers with children, state run child care and universal health care. But somehow I don't think that those are the sorts of things that this American dominated right wing organisation is looking for. So add to the fact that they will be meeting in one of the most socialist states in Europe, even when they are run by what the Dutch consider to be right wing party, the cannabis cafes (you just can't smoke tobacco in them), the brothels and a decidedly un-Christian (in an American but not in a Christian sense) culture I think this might not turn out as planned. At least they won't be getting arrested for their shameful behaviour.

Praise the Lord - the petrol price crisis is over!!!

In the past fortnight the last chance Texaco I pass on my walk from the station to work has dropped its price for unleaded petrol from £1.199 a litre to 1.119 a litre. The crisis is over! Get the Chelsea tractors out of the garage!

Note: to Americans this new, low price translates to roughly $8.45 a US gallon so stop fucking whinging will you.

The whole world IS watching*

Close your eyes and imagine the following scenario:

An American citizen is arrested for rape and murder in Mexico. This American is denied access to American consular staff before being charged, tried and found guilty. The Mexican court sentences him or her to death. The American's attorneys exhaust their appeals in the Mexican court system and appeal to the World Court which rules that the proceedings must be reviewed and possibly voided as the denial of consular assistance is in violation of international treaties and international law. Mexico says "fuck you, your fucking treaties don't apply" and executes the American. Imagine the uproar. Imagine the outrage. Imagine the invasion!

Now open your eyes and see what happens when the words "American" and "Mexican" are reversed. It's a funny old world, innit?

*Except for America that is!

Today Yesterday in infamy

I almost forgot. Yesterday was the 63rd anniversary of the largest and worst terrorist attack in the history of humankind.

1,000 reasons John McCain shouldn't be President

Number 71: he is bought and paid for!

06 August 2008

Today in word association

Pot is to kettle as Captain Codpiece is to ????

Our great leader tells China to end detentions and ensure freedoms. Perhaps he has got confused and he thinks that "contraction and conversion" is meant to apply to human rights and not to greenhouse gas emissions!

05 August 2008

It may take most people six steps to get to Kevin Bacon....

...but it only takes corrupt Italian PM Silvio Berlusconi one step to get to John Ashcroft. The former US Attorney General, who we only remember fondly now because of those who have followed him, famously spent thousands of dollars of US taxpayer money to cover the shameful nudity displayed by a statue of the "Spirit of Justice" in his office. Now the normally less bashful Sr. Berlusconi has had the has had the naked breast in a copy of the painting "La Verita Svelata dal Tempo (The Truth Unveiled by Time)" so that his status as a faux statesman is not muddied by his head sharing a camera shot with Truth's Tit when he gives a press conference.

It can only be a matter of time before some other equally idiotic player on the global stage finishes off the "Truth, Justice and the American Way" hidden breast trifecta!

02 August 2008

Special Saturday unintentionally ironic headline of the day"

Courtesy of Ms. Maglalang: "Rush Limbaugh: 20 years of excellence in broadcasting"

"Because he'll be good for the piccaninnies!"

London's gaffe prone Tory Mayor has come out in support of Barrack Obama. I'm sure he'll fuck it up at some point.

Christ they'll say anything!!

That long standing member of the elite, liberal America media, The Wall Street Journal puts forward the thoughtful argument that Senator Obama isn't fat enough to be President and that he's too fit.

Curiously they seem to have failed to make the same argument against the current illegitimate resident of the Oval Office.

Has anyone seen the Fourth Amendment?

It seems to have gone missing again. Perhaps it is just on holiday. The United States Department of Homeland Security now says that it can seize "laptops...hard drives, flash drives, cell phones, iPods, pagers, beepers, and video and audio tapes -- as well as books, pamphlets and other written materials" without any suspicion or probable cause.

America - it used to be such a nice country!

Headline of the day (special Saturday edition)

This story comes to us courtesy of our friends in western Sweden: "Motorcycle hit by flying elk. (Are they really sure it wasn't a reindeer?)

1,000 reasons John McCain shouldn't be President

Number 70: he and his campaign are claiming that Senator Obama is playing the race card. One does have to admit that they have a point. The junior Senator clearly started it by have the audacity to have a black father!

Couldn't they just use foot tapping?

Healine of the day: "Craig's Oral Arguments Set for September"!

Suspected terrorist commits suicide...

...shortly before being charged. I await the chorus of outrage from those self-important voices on the right who certainly condemn all terrorists even if they're white, Christian and American! They must feel cheated that Dr. Ivins never had the opportunity to be tortured interrogate in an enhanced and thoroughly Twenty First Century way.

How many divisions does Judge Bates have?

A US Federal judge has ruled that Captain Codpiece's evil minions are not above the law but as the Imperial argument has been that judges have no role in deciding the issue I can't see how it will come to much. His Imperial Majesty George the Last will simply ignore it one would think.

01 August 2008

"Recession? We don't see no stinking recession!"

If you were an energy company yesterday was a very good day indeed! British Gas announced first half profits of just under £1 billion and then stuck up two fingers at the British consumer by announcing a 35% price hike. Then Royal Dutch Shell said "hey - things are OK by us" and ExxonMobil, well what can one say about ExxonMobil.

Clearly all of these companies much have exemplary management teams to manage to do so well when times are so difficult economically!

"Hasta la vista Yanqui"

Clearly Ecuador is just begging to get invaded. How else to explain the country's incredibly irrational decision to evict the US military from its airbase at Manta?

1,000 reasons John McCain shouldn't be President

Number 69: the following is presented without comment.

A patriotic pause

I pledge allegiance to the Surge of the United States of America
and to the Repuli-cons for which it stands
one Empire under (a white, male, narcissistic) God
indivisible with no Liberty and Justice at all.

With God's blessing

Some members of the Christian right wing in America are upset with evangelical Rick Warren for deciding to fight for peace and against poverty. According to one Tom McMahon war and poverty are Biblically acceptable and Reverend Warren should be spending his time promoting homophobia and suppressing women's rights. He may have a point as long as he is only reading Leviticus.