But where's the big mac?

It seems that over the past 1000 years or so the portion sizes in illustrations of the Last Supper have grown larger. Jesus remains skinny, not to mention curiously un-Jewish, because calories and partially-hydrogenated fats don't stick to God.

New York notices Sarf London, innit?

A nice write up in the NYRB about the Dulwich Picture Gallery. Well worth a visit if you're ever south of the river; not that tourists ever come further south then the South Bank.....

Happy Birthday!

Today is the 110th birthday of surrealist painter AND famous Belgian René Magritte. All is not what it appears to be.

"Why, Jesus is that a banana in your robe...

...or are you just glad to see me?"

Funded by the deep pockets of the right wing Christian Legal Centre, most famous for its failed prosecution of Jerry Springer - The Opera for obscenity, a London woman is pursuing a private prosecution against the Baltic Centre in Gateshead for its display of a statue of Jesus with a rather prominent erection. The statue by Canadian Terence Koh was part of an exhibition that included many other popular characters including Mickey Mouse and ET; each of them with prominent erections.

The case is certain to go nowhere and perhaps we should be happy that the CLC is wasting its money.

Won't someone please think of the frog?

Museum officials in Bolzano, Italy are being pressured to bow the almighty will of God's representative on Earth, Il Papa, and remove a sculpture by Martin Kippenberger. The offending sculpture has been declared blasphemous by the infallible one as it portrays a crucified frog. Clearly the sculpture should not only be removed it should be burned or crushed or something lest it offend God and in Her anger She lets John McCain "win" the US election. Of course, this is nothing at all like Muslims getting upset about some cartoons!

In breaking sports news

The mega-gazillionaire owner of Chelsea FC, Roman Abramovich, has been outed as the mystery buyer who spent £17 million on a Lucien Freud painting "Benefits Supervisor Sleeping" (aka "Fat Sue"). Fat Sue is expected to play as a lone striker next season but is unavailable for Wednesday night's clash with Man U for the European Championship.

But is it news?

Suddenly the Guardian is all the rage in art circles. First it was Barthélémy Toguo of the Cameron who used blacked out pages from the newspaper for an exhibit in Gateshead and now Turkish artist Kagan Guner has an exhibit entitled "My Guardian" on display in London.

What gives?

Well he never said he was an art critic

Captain Codpiece's favourite painting is W.H.D. Koerner's "A Charge to Keep"; he even nicked the title for his premature autobiography. The only trouble with this is he apparently believes that it portrays a minister on horseback off to convert the heathens of the wild west when in fact it illustrates a horse thief fleeing a lynch mob; a fitting allegory for the Bush presidency I should think.

File this in that already over-stuffed folder: "things that George W. Bush believes to be true when in fact they are not".

"Look Maude. Jesus really was a man!"

Christian knickers are being twisting by an exhibition by artist Terence Koh that features a sculpture of Jesus with a tumescence. A representative of the evangelical organisation Christian Voice has called for the sculpture to be destroyed. Maybe we could compromise and just castrate the work of art.

London's all atwitter

It's time to put something new on the empty fourth plinth in Trafalgar Square. The Guardian has the pictures.

Would it really hurt so much...

...if just the once something like this would happen to me?

Nyet!

A photograph of two Russian policemen kissing, along with other items, has been banned from an exhibition that is to travel to Paris for a show at the Maison Rouge by Russia's culture minister, Alexander Sokolov. Mr. Sokolov has said that he believes allowing these items to be exhibited in Paris, internationally known for its conservatism, would bring shame on the Russian nation.

At least there's peace in...

...Reykjavík, which is a very beautiful place if you ever have the chance. Unfortunately the Icelandic Phallological Museum was closed during my only visit!

What would Jesus sculpt?

Tate Modern is being sued by artist Anthony Padgett who claims that the museum has rejected his proposals on a number of occasions because he is Christian. It could just be that his work is shite but then it can be so hard to tell sometimes with modern art.

Personally I belong to the "I know what I like and sometimes I can even tell you why" school.

What's the Norwegian for "get me a bloody mop sharpish"

One of artist Damien Hirst's pickled cows has sprung a leak at Oslo's Museum of Modern Art and the formaldehyde is getting out.