Breaking news

Scientists believe they have discovered the Christian gene raising hopes that the end of this terrible birth defect is in sight!

PA primary news

I don't know about the rest of the state, and let's face Pennsylvania is a curious state, but they seem to love Obama in Happy Valley.

A vision too far

A preacher in the great state of Texas seems to think that he has found Jesus in a bag of Cheetos. Have a look at the photo.

Does this food item resemble in any way our Lord and Saviour? No!

Does this food item resemble a penis with arms? Yes! Case settled.

What do Robert Mugabe and George W. Bush have in common?

They both like to claim victory irrespective of the facts on the ground. If this news from the Institute for War and Peace Reporting is correct I think we should prepare ourselves for the worst.

Well worth £3 million, don't you think?

It seems that Princess Diana died in a car crash much to the surprise of millions of Britons. On second thought this will probably shock only Mohamed al Fayed.

Spend Ben Stein's money!

How many crates of PZ-away do you think we ought to buy for Mr. Stein just in case that damned Mr. Myers decides to try to go to the cinema again?

Is this an endorsement?

It certainly smells like one as certified wing nut Richard Mellon Scaife "reassesses" Hillary.

Victory is ours!

I am sure that there will be many on the Bush/McCain team who will attempt to convince America that the "climb down" by Muqtada al-Sadr represents a clear cut victory for peace, justice and the American way. The problem is that, as usual, they are almost certainly wrong. Nonetheless given that 10% of Americans think Barack Obama is a Muslim and somewhere around 50% still think that the 11 September attacks were carried out by Iraq their plan will probably work.

What will he say and when will he say it?

The gag order imposed on Australian David Hicks as part of his deal to gain release from his illegal internment at the Guantánamo Bay Beach and Leisure Club expires today.

Still way too high!

A Pew Research poll has Captain Codpiece's approval rating at 28%down 5 percentage points from a month ago. Even Faux News has him at 30%! Can't he just go now. He surely won't be missed.

"Take me out to the ball game...

...Take me out with the crowd,
Buy me some peanuts and Cracker Jack,
Tell this wanker to never come back."

Feel the love as Captain Codpiece throws out the first ball in Washington.



If he's lost the baseball fan who has he got left?

It's 2018, do you know where your children are?

If you are American and you have children that are currently between 8 and 15 years of age you may want to consider the careers advice you give them carefully. They may still be needed in Iraq ten years from now.

"I'd like a one way ticket, first class of course, on the Bush Crook Express."

Yet another of the fine public servants hired by Captain Codpiece to run the nation like a poorly run business is set to head off to spend more time with his family; this time in the person of Housing and Urban Development Secretary Alphonso Jackson who faces charges of corrupt dealings in the allocation of contracts and who is so beloved in Philadelphia.

Let us all bid a loving adieu to Secretary Jackson.

Adieu!

Progress. What progress?

If we want to know the real situation in Iraq I think we need look no further than the new restriction on US residents in the Emerald City Green Zone. Staff are now required to sleep inside reinforced structures, are not allowed to spend long periods in their trailers, must wear protective gear and, most telling of all, must utilise armoured vehicles to travel inside of the heavily fortified enclave.

Pot - meet kettle

The city council of Henderson NV, located next to Las Vegas, is considering passing an ordinance that would ban teenage dance clubs due to concerns about the moral impact of such venues. Have they bothered to look outside lately?

R.I.P.

Dith Pran, a journalist whose life in Cambodia under the Khmer Rouge was dramatised in "The Killing Fields", has died of cancer at the age of 65.

Whither Basra?

For reasons that remain unexplained to rational people Captain Codpiece has labelled the growing violence in Basra as a "defining moment" in Iraq. So what if his "defining moment" turns into a disaster and rebel control of the city is confirmed? Will he then admit the error of his ways?

Sorry - I must have been dreaming for a moment. What a stupid question.

It can happen here (but not if we're careful)!

Right wing Christian "charity" Christian Action, Research and Education is funding "researchers" in the offices of twelve British MPs in a transparent attempt to influence the upcoming vote on the embryo and fertilisation act. Gordon Brown, under pressure from the churches will allow a "free vote" on parts of the bill whereby Labour MPs will be freed from their obligations to the party's manifesto and forced to obey the orders of their church (under threat of damnation or worse). However CARE, as it is known, now faces inquiries by both Charity Commission and the House of Commons watchdog over what surely amounts to illegal lobbying. Let's hope they get their arse smacked and are sent scurrying back to America where they belong!

The smack down of the year

On the editorial pages of the New York Times Gene Kelly's widow responds to comparisons made between her late husband and Captain Codpiece by Bush propagandist Times columnist Maureen O'Dowd. Key quote: "For George Bush to become Gene Kelly would require impossible leaps in creativity, erudition and humility". Snigger.

The question is - "will anyone pay"?

Former Alabama Governor Don Siegelman has finally been released from jail on bond in order to pursue his appeal for what most certainly seems to have been a politically motivated prosecution. Governor Siegelman sees Karl Rove's fingerprints all over the case but can he be made to pay? There is a strong possibility that Rove may be compelled to testify before Congress. What a joy it would be to see him take the Fifth.

I hope they know what they have let themselves in for

If I were looking to liberalise a controlled and centrally planned economy I would not start by opening up access to mobile phones (or personal music players with external speakers). I hope that the Cubans enjoy their exposure to the impolitic and irritating cacophony of public spaces. It is, of course, possible that Raúl Castro is simply extremely clever and he has decided that starting with mobiles should put the Cubans off of capitalism and the free market for life. I would have worked with me!

Caught cheating!

Oh dear. In a closed door session of the energy council of EU ministers the UK's representative, Lady Vadera, put forward the proposition that UK investment in renewable energy projects anywhere in the world should count towards the 15% renewable energy target. What excellent thinking! However for some reason I suspect that she did not suggest that foreign investment in renewables in the UK not be excluded from counting towards the target nor that UK investment in polluting enterprises around the globe, such as BP's pursuit of riches in Calgary's oil sands, be counted as part of the UK's emissions. Undoubtedly this was just an oversight that she will quickly address, or not as the case may be.

Now this is a surprise

Senator Barack Obama's campaign got a rather surprising fillip yesterday with the endorsement of Pennsylvania Senator Bob Casey. Pennsylvania is an odd state in many respects and its Democrats reflect that in many ways. The party has a strong, blue collar centrist/conservative Catholic component and the younger Casey owes much of his support that. I would have expected him to come in support of Hillary as she is extremely strong in that sector. We shall have to wait and see what impact this has on Obama's support.

Beyond reason?

Starbucks' CEO Howard Schultz has his knickers in a twist over a court ruling that would see the company forced to pay up to $100 million to staff in California after a court ruling that the company illegally including supervisors in tip pooling schemes. He says that the company will not end the practice, will not pay back the tips and that the ruling is "contrary to the law, but also fundamentally unfair and beyond all common sense and reason". So take that and stick in your tip jar!

Damn the Inquirer!

I got over-excited when I saw this headline, "State clamps down on Cheyney", in the Inquirer. My first thought was that Governor Rendell had issued an arrest warrant for US Vice President "I'm a Big" Dick Cheney, and the paper had mispelled his name, only to find that the story was about the finances of Cheney University outside of West Chester and not about the Evil Overlord. Damnm damn, damn!

Uh oh, the Captain isn't going to like this!

British Defence Secretary Des Browne quite sensibly notes that there is benefit in talking to the Taliban. One suspects that his undoubtedly less sensible US counterpart doesn't agree.

Fighting the Eternal Global War on Terra - one nipple at a time!

The battle to keep America safe is never ending as demonstrated by the courageous Transportation Security Administration personnel in Lubbock TX who forced Mandi Hamlin to remove her nipple piercing (with pliers) before she could be allowed to Dallas. Ms. Hamlin has demanded an apology and an investigation for which the TSA is very thankful.

Meanwhile the battle against terrorist teats has moved on to the great state of Florida where advertisements in Orlando for the upcoming Wrestlemania XXIV feature post nipple-ectomy pugilists.

Things are not going so well however in the Green Mountain State though as the Vermont Human Rights Commission has found that an airline discriminated against Emily Gillette when they removed her from a flight for pornographically feeding her two month old child. What do we expect from a state with a French name?

Supporting the troops - Republican style

A company run by Captain Codpiece's former Veteran's Affairs Secretary, Anthony Principi, has been found to have overcharged the Department of Veteran's Affairs around $6 million in an audit performed by the department's Inspector General. QTC Management Inc has just had its contract extended because of good performance reviews and the department is trying to amend the contract to allow QTC to charge the higher fees.

Nice and cozy.

Another Bush crook bites the dust

A special assistant to the President on intergovernmental affairs, Felipe Sixto, has suddenly resigned after learning that his former employer, the Center for a Free Cuba, is set to launch legal action against him for alleged misuse of US government grants when he headed up the Center. Mr. Sixto was promoted to his current White House position only 28 days ago. I anticipate a statement from the White House expressing concern and prayers for Mr. Sixto and his family any moment now.

War is Peace....Freedom is Slavery...

...Violence is Good.

The world according to Captain Codpiece.

Today in infamy - "it's been a long hard decade" edition

Ten years ago today Viagra was first marketed for erectile dysfunction and the world will never be the same.

Headline of the day

"Suspicious pants point police to massive find". The double entendre may or may not have been intended.

Coming soon to a family near (and dear) to you

Recession - The Movie.

A new cause célèbre for the "every life is sacred" folks?

Probably not. 11 year old Madeline Neumann of Wisconsin has died after her parents prayed for her to get well rather than take her to a doctor. Madeline suffered from an unusual but very treatable form of diabetes. Local police are considering charge against the parents but may be prevented from moving forward by a clause in the Wisconsin statute which allows for a "treatment through prayer" exemption which effectively allows parents to kill their children as long as they believe God will heal them.

Welcome to the twenty first century.

Maybe I was wrong

I may have overstated my case when I suggested that democracy in America was doomed due to an ill-informed electorate. Today's news tells us that only 10% of Americans think Barack Osama Obama is a Muslim. Perhaps they have been paying attention after all!

Saving the planet - one boondoggle at a time

Having done not very much in his tenure at the head of the US Environmental "Protection" Agency, Stephen Johnson wants to jet off to Oz for a fortnight along with a bunch of his staff in order to take a break from not doing very much. This has not pleased Senator Barbara Boxer (D - CA) who wants Mr. Johnson to testify as to the very little he is doing to prevent (non-existent) global warming. We'll see who wins this one soon enough.

A stealth reconquista afoot?

The Mexican government is claiming that it is just trying to stem drug war related violence in the northern state of Chihuahua but I fear there may be more sinister motivations behind the massing of Mexican forces on the US border in Ciudad Juárez. After all it is obvious that US forces are bogged down in Iraq and Afghanistan. Could Mexico be planning a invasion to take back the territories stolen from it in 1846-1848? You have been warned!

Left wing traitors demand closure of Guantánamo Bay Beach and Leisure Club

They also demand that the US enter into dialogue with treacherous and America hating Islamic Republic of Iran. Hey, wait a second, these folks aren't left wing traitors they are five former Secretaries of State including Captain Codpiece's dad's good friend James Baker III!

Oh well. It doesn't matter who they used to be. Off to Gitmo with them!

It's not that I wish Mark Thatcher ill...

...oh shit, I may as well be honest. I probably do wish Mark Thatcher ill if only for being such a useless and annoying twat. Ergo I confess to taking some guilty pleasure in the news that Equatorial Guinea has sent a request to Interpol for an international arrest warrant for the Milk Snatcher's wayward son over his role in a coup plot to overthrow the country's dictator Obiang Nguema. President Nguema has no special place in my heart and certainly richly deserves to be ousted but it wouldn't hurt young Mr. Thatcher to finally do a little hard time and I am sure that time served in Equatorial Guinea is hard time indeed.

"And this time I meant it!"

Iraq's iron fisted President Nuri al-Maliki has extended the deadline for the militants/terrorists/freedom fighters/criminals currently fighting in Basra to hand in their weapons from tomorrow to 8 April and has promised a little financial sweetener if they do. I'm sure that will do it!

Nice pants!

A video covering the British "Fair Trails My Arse" campaign.

Praise the Lord and sell the ammunition!

It's good to see that Captain Codpiece is still running the government like a poorly run business; after all consistency is important. Last year the Pentagon awarded a 300 million USD contract to supply ammunition to Afghanistan to a 22 year old masseur with a criminal record. Said masseur subsequently provided 40 year old ammunition in decomposed packaging.

Better than working for tips, eh?

Dear Mr. President,

Despite your assertion to the contrary it is not possible to deliver justice at the end of a laser guided missile.

Retribution - perhaps. Blind vengeance - yes. Justice - no.

Your friend,

Yank in London



Note also the conflation of al Qaeda and Iran, despite all evidence to the contrary. Do I hear the drums of war (again)?

Well you can't say that they are unafraid to tackle the difficult problems

Captain Codpiece's USDA looks set to tackle the problem of recalls in the food chain by no longer informing the public when they happen! Now that is thinking outside the box.

Kudos where kudos are (is?) due

A virtual tip of the Yank in London hat to BAA and its new, shiny yet controversial Terminal 5 at Heathrow. They have managed to arrange for a serious baggage delay almost before they had any bags to delay! Well done everyone. I think you should head off for an overpriced pint in one of the terminal's ersatz pubs before actually working on resolving the problem.

The Green Zone News

Reuters is reporting that the ridiculously expensive, and as yet unfinished, US Embassy in the Green Zone in Baghdad has been hit by mortar fire but I reckon it could have been an air strike called in by the contractor responsible for the construction to avoid being blamed for the delayed completion.

But what about my insalata tricolore?

The latest food scare? Dioxin levels in mozzarella di bufala from Napoli.

Why democracy in America is doomed

America is at war; at least with a significant portions of the Iraqi and Afghan populations. If the American electorate cannot be bothered to be informed as to the cost of those wars in the lives of their countrymen and women how can they be expected to be sufficiently informed to make a considered and intelligent decision in the voting booth?

Am I the only one who is ashamed?

"It's victory John but not as we know it!"

Yesterday MSNBC was forced to interrupt John McCain's declaration of victory in Iraq in order to cover the escalating violence in the country. Crooks and Liars has the video.

Shorter Robert Novak

"I must be clinically insane!" The dour one advises John McCain to cut Social Security Tax.

Another diplomatic success!

After years of engaging with the illegitimate government of Pakistani President Pervez "The (ex)-General" Musharraf the US finds itself being told by the new government that Pakistan is no longer the US's "killing field" and that the new government will seek a new way of dealing with terrorists in the country. In the meantime the US has decided to keep up the killin' while the killin' is good.

Yes - the world is a safer place now, innit it?

"Sorry mate. You're barred."

A group of pub landlords are trying to engineer a campaign to see to it that Chancellor of the Exchequer, Alistair Darling, is barred from every pub in the land after he endangered that truly venerable British institution, a pint of real ale, with another crippling increase in beer duty in his latest budget. Well if I have to make a choice between Mr. Darling and a properly pulled pint of Britain's finest it really isn't a difficult choice!

I just love to watch participatory democracy at work

At a loose end in Basel this weekend?

Well then take a little something and drop in on the first ever World Psychedelic Forum. It could prove interesting!

Hillary's "don't vote for me argument"

I am having a hard time getting my head around Senator Clinton's argument that pledged delegates aren't actually pledged to anyone. To me this suggests that there is no reason to vote for the Senator as her "delegate" is just going to go off and vote for someone else, probably me.

God 1 - Gordon 0

The Prime Minister has backed down, at least at bit, and will allow MPs a "free vote" over parts of the proposed embryo bill. This "free vote" will of course be nothing of the kind as Labour back benchers will simply trade the New Labour whip for the whip of their church and will vote as ordered or risk damnation. Fortunately as the UK is not the US in all likelihood the bill will pass anyway. If not it will be a loss for Britain and a win for a dead and decaying God.

Now where did I put them damn triggers again?

It wasn't all that long ago that the US Air Force "accidentally" mislead a number of hydrogen bombs and "accidentally" flew them across the US. Now a military contractor has "accidentally" sent triggers for atomic bombs to Taiwan. China is not well pleased. It is understand that the US government will apologise for the mistake and explain that the triggers were meant to be "accidentally" sent to Iran where they would have provided justification for a unilateral attack by the US.

Damn cheese eating free trade haters!

The right wing President of France, Nicholas Sarkozy, has raised the prospect of a French boycott of the Olympic opening ceremonies over the violence and oppression by the Chinese government in Tibet. Don't they realise that there's business at stake here?

And there's some sort of something stirring up the tabloids re the most recent Mrs. Sarkozy as well. (Probably NSFW)

Supporting the troops

Nadia McCaffrey, the mother of a US soldier killed in Iraq, is trying to set up a home for veterans suffering from PTSD in Somona County CA but it seems the locals would prefer that the troops be supported elsewhere. Key quote from a resident: "we will not accept anyone who's not completely functional" thereby explaining why the Captain Codpiece Presidential Library was not sited locally.

The Legacy

(Via The Huffington Post.)

Question: what do these people see when they take Rorschach tests?*

It's Easter and that means that a great and blessed miracle has caused the image of the Virgin Mary to appear on an egg, this time in Brownsville TX. Despite the assurances of Veronica Cervera that she plans to keep the holy relic expect to see it on EBay by April Fools' Day.

*Answer: Jesus, Jesus, Virgin Mary, Jesus, Jesus, doughnut, Jesus, Virgin Mary.

Welcome to Bottom Feeders Anonymous

Stanford Kurland, along with other former executives of Countrywide Financial, has started a new finance company to buy up mortgages on the cheap and take advantage of markets panicked by the situation he and his mates did so much to create when they were running their former firm into the ground.

Those of you that thought that rabies had been wiped out in the UK...

...have never met not certifiably sane Daily Mail and Spectator columnist Melanie Phillips seen here setting out her right to determine if Israelis are Israeli enough to be Israeli despite not actually being Israeli herself.

Another brilliant idea

Guns on planes. I particularly like the in depth analysis by Greg Alter of the US Air Marshall Service:

"We know that there was never any danger to the aircraft or to the occupants on board."

Dear Mr. Alter if you do not know that statement to be completely and utterly false you are clearly unqualified for whatever position you hold at FAMS and if you know the statement to be clearly and utterly false are clearly unqualified to hold that position, although you might wish to seek out a position in the White House press office. A gun went off in a plane carrying 124 passengers, possibly at altitude. Of course there was danger to both the aircraft and the passengers. The fact that this danger was not realised does not mead it did not exist, got it?

Shorter Rev. Swank

You can't be black and "biblically" Christian at the same time. (Nor should you hang a map of anything other than the US (and possibly Israel) on the wall in your church.)

Oh dear

There were no weapons of mass destruction (45 minutes or not). There was no link between Saddam Hussein and terrorism. Now it seems that Saddam may not have tried to kill Captain Codpiece Sr. That pretty much just leaves the oil, doesn't it? (Not that I believed any of the other "reasons".)

She's back!

Obama Girl that is, and she's not too happy with Hillary it seems.

I have only question

Might perhaps the current recall of cantaloupes, yes - cantaloupes, in the US in Canada, after the fruit were linked to salmonella outbreaks, wake up the public to the fact that there is something very wrong indeed with the country's food supply?

Why does the Faux network hate the baby Jesus?

Because that can be the only explanation for their refusal to pay a 91,000 USD fine imposed by the FCC for mild titillation outright pornography broadcast in the networks "Married by America" series. Faux claims that the fines are "arbitrary and capricious, inconsistent with precedent and patently unconstitutional". They also fail to take into account the heavy lifting that the Faux network, and Faux News in particular, has done, and continues to do, on behalf of the Republican Party and evil incarnate.

How do I loathe thee - let me count the ways

When asked about the milestone of the 4,000th American death in Iraq the sub-human slime that is US Vice President "I'm a Big" Dick Cheney essentially replies: well they volunteered. Crooks and Liars has the video, if you can stomach it? He also has the unmitigated gall and the hubris to say, and I quote, "the president carries the biggest burden".

How dare he? How fucking dare he? He, who demonstrated his lack of courage and patriotism through his priorities being elsewhere all throughout his five Vietnam era draft deferments, has neither the right nor the perspective to make such an offensive and incorrect statement. I am certain that the families of each and every one of the dead 4,000, irrespective of they attitude to the ware itself, will agree with me. Captain Codpiece does not bear the burden; "I'm a Big" Dick does not bear the burden; these families do!

Today in infamy - "don't worry - in 20 years we'll own the Supreme Court - this won't cost us a dime" edition

On this day in 1989 the Exxon Valdez ran aground in Alaska. Exxon still hasn't paid off in the suit now before the US Supreme Court.

Remember - it's only a number

The US death toll in Iraq passes through the 4,000 threshold, the vast majority of them after Mission Accomplished! The Iraqi death toll? Who knows? Who's counting?

Today in infamy - "sharia in America" edition

On this day in 1638 Anne Hutchinson was expelled from the Massachusetts Bay Colony for failing to practice the right religion. Who says it can't happen here?

Faux Follies

You that it is certain that the good folks at Faux News have gone well and truly beyond the limits of decency and "fairness", if one can seriously apply that word to Murdoch's slime-work, when they are being attacked by their own for relentlessly and inaccurately attacking Obama.

Perhaps the young Wallace does have a drop or two of his father's blood in him after all.

They should feel right at home

With no apparent sense of irony the US State Department is warning Americans planning on attending the Beijing Olympiad that they may be subject to surveillance. It is not entirely clear from the news release if the surveillance will be conducted by Chinese security or Blackwater under contract to the NSA.

They shouldn't have any difficulty finding referees!

Germany is set to launch a football league for the blind called, appropriately enough the Blindfootball-Bundesliga.

And he looks so sad

Convicted felon I. Lewis "Scooter" Libby has been disbarred due to his common criminal record. Shame, innit?

Whatever happened to that Freedom Agenda thing-a-ma-bob?

Captain Codpiece remains silent over the anti-Freedom Agenda violence being carried out by the Chinese dictatorship in Tibet. How unfortunate for the Tibetans that they have little or no oil. And remember, when he goes to the Olympic games it is just as an ordinary sports fan (with two or three 747s full of security).

Does the Easter Bunny own snow shoes?

The weather has certainly taken a turn for the strange. Last evening we had about a fifteen minute hail storm, with storms the size of large peas, and it snowed this morning. There's a promise of more snow for tomorrow morning. Isn't it supposed to be springtime?

What are they going to use for money?

I you live in Jefferson Township NJ you may soon be reduced to making your purchases with rolls of quarters as a new and draconian anti-drug ordinance would ban anything that can be used to introduce "into the human body a controlled dangerous substance". That rules out bank notes and credit cards unless things have changed dramatically since my own misspent youth.

Why wasn't I notified?

When did this happen? Belgium has a government and they were sworn in today. Well done everyone now let's have chips with mayonnaise and some really strong beer.

A tragedy averted!

The proprietor of Geno's Steaks in South Philly, Joey Vento, is off the hook as the Philadelphia Commission on Human Relations has most curiously ruled that the "English Only" sign at his establishment "did not convey a message that service would be refused to non-English speakers"; Probably because the commissioners believed that non-English speakers couldn't read the sign and therefore would be blissfully unaware that they were being refused service.

In many ways this is a good thing because there is only a very small portion of the Philadelphia population, largely to be found at Penn, that speaks anything that could be confused with English. If Mr. Vento were to refuse service to anyone who did not speak English properly he would rather swiftly go out of business.

How low can he go?

I might have to change Captain Codpiece's nickname to the Limbo King now that CNN reports his approval rating is 31% putting his rating just below the percentage of American adults who can location the United States on a map. Who are these people and shouldn't they simply emigrate to Iraq to enjoy Our Great Leader's skills first hand?

Tell us something we didn't know already Dick

US Vice President "I'm a Big" Dick Cheney demonstrates that he doesn't seem to comprehend the principle of being a public servant in this interview from ABC. But then since he's not part of the executive branch and not part of the legislative branch perhaps he's not part of the government at all!

CHENEY: On the security front, I think there's a general consensus that we've made major progress, that the surge has worked. That's been a major success.


RADDATZ: Two-third of Americans say it's not worth fighting.


CHENEY: So?


RADDATZ: So? You don't care what the American people think?


CHENEY: No. I think you cannot be blown off course by the fluctuations in the public opinion polls.

How did Captain Codpiece spend the 5th anniversary of the illegal invasion of Iraq?

By telling us victory is nigh and that the high price not being paid by the President or any members of his family is well worth it. And he has been right all along. And we're safer. And the moon is made of blue cheese.

Think before you drink

Today is International Water Day which highlights yet another crisis the planet has to face. Combine this with global warming, peak oil and trying to feed 9 billion people and things don't look all that inviting down the road.

We will be remembered as liberators!

Uh, probably not. But if you think that we will be remembered fondly you should probably watch this short film from the Guardian. We are going to be paying the price for this dreadful illegal "adventure" for a very long time and most of the payments may not be in the form of money. We have created an entire generation of new enemies.

A reminder

Israel is most certainly not an apartheid state so we must find an alternate interpretation of this High Court decision that closes a highway through (illegally) occupied Palestinian territory to Palestinians "for the convenience of Israeli travelers".

Any suggestions?

1,000 reasons McCain shouldn't be President

Number 2: despite his claimed expertise in foreign affairs and especially the Eternal Global War on Terra he seems to think that Iran and al Qaeda are joined at the hip. Fortunately for the Senator another Senator, Joe Lieberman (Nearly Republi-con - CT), was in the wings to correct him so no one found out what he said!



There are, of course, those who that think McCain was right. After all, no one has ever accused the Weekly Standard with being a member of the reality based community.

Ah, life is good

There are reports of a bed bug out break at the Faux News newsroom in New York. Apparently one Faux employee brought the critters to work from a home that contained, according to the exterminator who investigated, "the worst infestation he had seen in 25 years in the business."

A spokes-insect (arachnid?) for the bed bugs said that they were working to "rid the newsroom of these pests irrespective of the cost".

1,000 reasons* John McCain shouldn't be President

Reason number 1: He thinks that illegally occupied Jerusalem should be the capital of Israel. That should go a long way towards bringing peace to the region.

*Do you think I can make to 1000 by election day?

A great man has passed on

Author and visionary Arthur C. Clarke has died at the age of 90 in Colombo. I spent endless hours of my youth working my way through his entire œuvre.

God invents new dimension - string theory still unproved!

Three physical dimensions not good enough for you? Well meet Shari Richard who has seemingly invented 4D ultrasound in order to demostrate to you what a heinous crime abortion is. Her videos, which I shall not link to, may been found somewhere in the YouTube universe. I don't know if you have to wear special glasses to achieve the full 4D effect.

Iraq a success!

Yes. It has been five years since the illegal invasion of Iraq and nearly five years since the mission there was accomplished. That has not stopped US General David Petraeus from observing that insufficient progress has been made. I can only assume that it is time we bid farewell to this traitorous general-on-the-ground-who-shouldn't-be-listened-to as the experienced Senator John McCain (R - AZ) explicitly points out the error of his ways. No less a personage than US Vice President "I'm a Big" Dick Cheney agrees with Senator McCain as the VP has declared victory in Iraq and then gone fishing. (Expect a surge of admissions to casualty departments in Oman for injuries related to fishing hooks over the next several hours!)

Five years - what a surprise!

Since today marks the fifth anniversary of the 5 day 5 week 5 month everlasting war predicted by then US Secretary of Defense Donald Rumsfeld I thought this Bowie song might be appropriate.

A great speech

I have now had a chance to watch Obama's speech on race in Philly yesterday. It was a great speech that was well delivered that went deeper than sound bites and addressed directly one of the biggest issues America still has to face up to. In short, it was everything that will fail to gain him points with the electorate and at 37 minutes is 36 minutes and 15 seconds longer than the attention span of the average American.

However, for me at least, it was probably enough that I will support him over Hillary even though neither fit well into my political philosophy and Obama's health care ideas require significant reworking. The right wingers will find plenty to pick at, largely out of context, including Senator Obama's failure to believe that America is perfect thereby proving that he is not a true patriot.



Transcript here.

Better than the shroud of Turin!

Breaking news out of Florida. Firemen going through the ashes Cynthia Walker's destroyed home were amazed to find a "found a photo of Jesus tending sheep" and asked the 53 year old widow if they could keep it. A nearly 2000 year old photograph ought to be rather valuable I should think!

So impressed were they by this miracle no one seems to have thought to ask why God destroyed the woman's house in the first place.

Oh, the humanity!

The financial crisis in the US is really starting to bite as some executives from Bear Stearns are having to sell their weekend homes. And grown men wept; something that I find unseemly.

If this guy wasn't a rabbi...

...people would probably consider this fatwa religious pronouncement racist. But since Chaim Kanievsky is a rabbi, not to mention a "Torah sage", there is nothing to worry about.

Will no one rid me of this bothersome butler?

Am I the only UK resident who wishes to see Princess Diana's former butler, Paul Burrell banged up for something? Anything will do.

And yes this, the 187th inquest into Diana's death, continues.

Just like the good old days

Those of you from the Philadelphia area who are, like me, of a certain age, will remember the days, fondly or not, when the City of Brotherly Love was the only bit of the US East coast where Interstate 95 was not completed. Now, for a few days at least, it will be like that once again. Have fun!

Quote of the day

"Anybody who looks at the two cases will see there is an enormous difference between the two of them" - Louisiana (amazingly still) Senator David Vitter (Republi-con) explaining why his fucking prostitutes is vastly different from the fucking of prostitutes engaged in by former NY Governor Eliot Spitzer. (From the newspaper with the world's best name:The Times-Picayune, not to be confused with the Picayune Times.)

Shorter Grant Swank

"Osama Obama is the Manchurian Meccan Candidate."

The whole world is (just) watching

It is good to see that the US government has leaped into the fray over the egregious human rights violations currently being committed by the Chinese government in Tibet. A deputy to an assistant to increasingly irrelevant US Secretary of State Conocoleezza Rice has said that the US often mentions Tibet when speaking to assistants to the deputies of Chinese Politburo members! Thomas Christensen clearly urged the Chinese to talk to some Tibetans but stopped well short of demanding that the Chinese authorities actually stop killing Tibetans.

Meanwhile in the UK the British government has taken stern action and is suggesting to its citizens that they ought not travel to the Himilayan ex-country. There goes my weekend break in Lhasa.

I know what "I'm a Big" Dick Cheny didn't give up for Lent!

Lying!

He's at it again claiming an association between pre-(illegal)-invasion Iraq and al Qaeda despite all of the evidence from his own bloody government to the contrary.

Is there a twelve step programme for this? Shouldn't there be?

What a fucking joke

The Supreme Court of the United States has agreed to review a lower court ruling that overturned the Federal Communications Commission's ridiculous regulations barring so-called "fleeting obscenities", and don't be surprised if they overturn that ruling. The right wing Republican court has no particular love of unfettered free speech and we may as well get used to our rights being chipped away until we turn around and they are gone. This will get even worse if McCain gets elected in the autumn. so those of us who instinctively would probably not choose either Senator Clinton or Senator Obama and might consider a protest vote for someone closer to our true politics probably need to reconsider.

Oh, if SCOTUS does allow the regulations to go forward, the rest of the world, with the exception of Riyadh, Tehran and Vatican City, will be laughing.

Are you ready for a meltdown?

If foreign buyers continue to decline to purchase American debt things will look very glum indeed.

"I'm a Big" Dick Cheney proves the "many worlds" hypothosis

The Baghdad that he has landed in has experienced "phenomenal" and "dramatic" improvement. The Vice President did extensive research at Baghdad Airport and inside the Green Zone before make his assessment of the situation.

Four more years!!!!

Mercifully Captain Codpiece can't run for another term but that hasn't stop the Pentagon from planning for at least four more years in Iraq.

Ya think?

The man who fell ill in Las Vegas after deadly ricin was found in his hotel room is blaming the toxin for his illness. No word as yet as to why Roger Bergendorff was in possession of the stuff or why no one is referring to him as a "terrorist" (other than Bergendorff is not a common Muslim name).

I may have to give Philly a new nickname

If the current trend continues I'm going to have to stop calling it the City of Brotherly Death!

Progress report

The International Red Cross, one of those dangerous America hating left wing institutions, says that the humanitarian situation in Iraq is amongst the worst in the world with millions still without access to safe drinking water, basic sanitation or health care.

But the surge is working, right?

Just who the fuck are these people?

Iraq is a clusterfuck. Bin Laden is still at large. The planet is melting. Gasoline is approaching 4 USD a gallon. The economy is tanking big time. Yet nearly a third of Americans still think Captain Codpiece is doing a good job. Why are they allowed to vote?

Campaign Diary: Baghdad

Thanks to the US taxpayer Senator John "How Old Am I Again?" McCain has taken time out from campaigning for a brief holiday in Iraq along with two of his biggest cheerleaders Senators Joe Lieberman (R I - CT) and Lindsay "Why Do I Have a Girl's Name?" Graham (R - SC). Unfortunately he won't have an opportunity to have a stroll around Shorja market this trip as, even with the surge, there aren't enough US troops in the country to protect him.

Shorter Paul Bremer

"There's no such thing as 20-20 hindsight when you're blind."

There may be whitewash ahead

Prime Minister Gordon Brown has apparently promised a "full scale inquiry" into the war in Iraq. No date has yet be set for this to begin but rumour has it that 1 April 2077 has been pencilled into Whitehall calendars.

You're welcome!

If you are looking for coverage of last week's Winter Soldier and having trouble finding it on America's corporate media maybe you should look to the BBC. Auntie, thanks to the British television licence fee payer (me!), is covering the event. You can thank me later.

But haven't they hasn't she already "lost everything"?

Who can forget the truly pitiful sight of Linda Lay pleading poverty, of a sort, after the collapse of Enron Corporation whilst her late husband was at the helm? Well her tragedy continues as she is being sued by her neighbours over 100,000 USD in unpaid association fees for her 4.75 million USD condo in Houston. There's also 13 million in Ken's estate that she thinks she should get to keep rather than the government seizing it.

I reckon it all hinges on what the meaning of "everything" is.

Bear market or market for Bears?

So patriotic American employees of the Federal Reserve worked through the weekend to engineer a buyout of banker Bear Stearns that sees stockholders net a small payout, employees on the way to the dole queue and the taxpayer holding the bag as guarantor for some of the banks "not liquid" (aka dodgy) assets. I am sure that there will be golden parachutes all around at the top of the Bear Stearns food chain with senior management and directors getting payouts despite their failures. Perhaps the worst aspect of this bailout is the fact that Bear Stearns' policies and business practices are, at least in part, responsible for the current state of affairs in the US economy and the worldwide banking sector. Why won't they just let the market decide?

What next?

News reaches us that after years of bitter disappointment Alan Keyes is to leave the Republican party; that party that just wasn't right wing enough for him. But where will he go (and will he stay there)?

Crisis in Britain

I realise that America is either headed for or in a recession but I am afraid that that pales in comparison to the thatched roof crisis gripping Britain. What can we do?

Today in infamy - America doesn't commit war crimes edition

Forty years ago today Charlie Company, 11th Brigade, Americal Division carried out a massacre in My Lai.

Either they were shitty teachers or he was a lousy student.

Karl Rove tells us, and he wouldn't lie to us, that the Bush family taught him about honesty. Really. He even says it out loud.

Pity poor George

Captain Codpiece is just too old to have the exciting time that so many young Americans are currently enjoying in Iraq and Afghanistan and it's making him envious. Shame there weren't opportunities like this when he was young, eh?

Quote of the day

According to George Orwell Senate Minority leader Mitch McConnell the "purpose of war is peace". I feel better already.

Prepare for the Rapture!

The Anti-Christ US Vice President "I'm a Big" Dick Cheney is headed for the Middle East. I reckon that on its own that ought to do it but apparently he wants to talk about attacking Iran whilst he's there.

Welcome to Rhode Island

Where sometimes the illegal immigrants "don't speak good English", unlike the locals. If you don't believe me just ask this guy.

Maybe there's hope for Oklahoma after all

An Oklahoma high school senior, who lost his mother to a Christian terrorist in Oklahoma City, writes a letter to hateful bigot-ette Oklahoma Republican legislator Sally Kern. Well said Tucker!

Have aliens abducted the real Ian Paisley?

The Northern Irish First Minister has said that he thinks that St. Patrick's Day should be bank holiday in the province as well as in the Republic.

I just read it again and, unless Auntie is lying, that is indeed what he said.

Truly unbelieveable

The Federation of Poles in Great Britain has been in contact with the Press Complaints Commission and accused the Daily Mail, that never has a bad word to say about anything or anyone, of defaming Polish residents of the UK. I just cannot believe this. This can only have happened because these Eastern European immigrants have failed to master the Queen's English and therefore have misinterpreted what this truly noble journalistic enterprise is saying.

For (possibly fictitious) examples of the newspapers journalistic excellence click this link!

Whatever you do, don't mention the wars

German writer and media executive Jürgen Todenhöfer has taken out three full page ads in the New York Times, as well as in Allgemeine Zeitung and the Al-Quds Al-Arabi to teach Americans and the west about the impacts of their wars on the Muslim world in Ten Theses. I am certain that the reaction from the American right with be muted, thoughtful and vitriol free.

For those of you who don't have access to the Times here are his theses:

1. The West is much more violent than the Muslim world. Millions of Arab civilians have been killed since colonialism began.

2. Faced with the warmongering of the West, it is really not surprising that support for Muslim extremists continues to grow.

3. Terrorists in Islamic disguise are murderers. The same holds true for the ringleaders disguised as Christians who wage wars of aggression in contravention of international law.

4. Muslims were and are at least as tolerant as Jews and Christians. They have made a major contribution to Western civilization.

5. Love of God and love of one's neighbor are the central commandments not only in the Bible but also in the Qur'an.

6. Western policies towards the Muslim world suffer from a shocking ignorance of even the simplest facts.

7. The West must treat the Muslim world just as fairly as it treats Israel. Muslims are worth as much as Jews and Christians.

8. The Muslims must champion a progressive and tolerant Islam, as did their prophet Muhammad. They must strip terrorism of its religious mask.

9. Nothing fosters terrorism more than the West's "war on terror". Muslim countries must resolve their problems with radical Islamism themselves.

10. What is needed now is the art of statesmanship, not the art of war - in the Iran conflict, the Iraq conflict and the Palestine conflict.

You can learn more at his website.

A moment of silence, please

Kurt Eberling Sr, who is responsible for the heinous crime that is the SpaghettiO, has cast off the mortal coil at the age of 77. I think he will have much to answer for at the pearly gates.

Dear Mr. President

That four dollar a gallon gasoline that you've heard nothing about, despite spending much of your time working on gas prices, is already here. I thought you should know. Perhaps you should turn your talents to some other noble endeavour.

Sincerely

Yank in London

Nothing to fear but fear itself

Am I just being paranoid when I see the hand of Karl Rove, rumoured to be aiding the McCain campaign, in the statement by the Aged One that he is afraid that al Qaeda will do something terrible in America to steer votes away from him?

I think not.

Need a gift for a wingnut?

You could do worse than the ACLU Attack Pack, the price has been slashed to $69.38 at American Vision! Act fast! Because they hate our freedoms.

This is what happens when you do what the voices in your head tell you to

A Florida man has been arrested after the voice of Jesus told him to walk naked down US 1.

And Iraq is a clusterfuck after Captain Codpiece listened to the voices in his head.

Will someone please wake me when the coup is over?

Whilst he thought no one was looking Captain Codpiece quietly took steps to roll back some of the protections put in place after the Nixonian abuses of power in the 70s. Where do I turn in my passport?

What's in a name?

Rather a lot if you are Macedonia. The country is being kept out of NATO because Greece believes that the name "Macedonia" implies a territorial claim to Greece's province of the same name. In related news Canada has asked that the US be expelled from NATO because the name "United States of America" implies an imperial desire to rule over not one, but two, continents!

To think or not to think that is the question

The creation of a fifth freedom in the European Union, a freedom of knowledge, is being put forward in an effort to ensure European competitiveness.

I can only assume that the EU leaders proposing this are frightened of losing out to India and China as they have nothing to fear from the US where freedom from knowledge seems to be the current vogue.

Just how stacked does the deck have to be?

The military tribunal system set up to try the detainees at the Guantánamo Bay Beach and Leisure Club is patently unfair with defendants being prevented from seeing evidence against them, having restricted access to legal representation and many other flaws. Should we surprised then to discover that the case against Canadian Omar Khadr, who was just 15 when taken prisoner by American troops, may hinge on a fabricated report of the death of an American soldier and perhaps torture as well?

Unfortunately the answer is a resounding "no".

The "We Don't Torture as Long as You Don't Find Out about It" President

For sometime now my thinking has been that, this late in his term, an impeachment of Captain Codpiece would just be a distraction. I am no longer so certain of this. Perhaps it needs to be done as a cathartic experience for the country.

Yesterday in infamy

I'm not sure how I missed but yesterday was the 125th anniversary of Karl Marx's death. Perhaps I'll go and visit his grave tomorrow even though it is well north of the river.

"Three Quarks for Muster Mark!"

Today is "Talk Like a Physicist Day". Pass it on.

Note: do not attempt this around physicists as you will soon be found out.

Today in infamy - "isn't Relativity just a theory too?" edition

On this day in 1879 physicist Albert Einstein was born in Ulm Germany.

"What you gonna believe, me or you're lying eyes?"

Israeli Foreign Minister Tzipi Livn swears that illegal West Bank colonial settlements are not being expanded.

Ok.

Republicans hoist upon their own petard

The National Republican Congressional Committee has allegedly been defrauded of up to 1 million dollars by its treasurer, Christopher Ward. Mr. Ward formerly worked for the Swift Boat Veterans for Siphoning Off Loads-a-Lolly into Our Own Accounts.

Snigger.

Gate open? Tick

Horse fled? Tick

Close gate? Tick

US Treasury Secretary Henry Paulson wants tighter regulation of the mortgage industry. Good thinking Hank!

What a busy day!

Not only is today talk like a physicist day it is also international π day as well.

For those of you who didn't pay attention at school the following is the first bit: 3.1415926535897932384626433832795028841971693993751058209
7494459230781640628620899862803482534211706798214808651 3282306647093844609550582231725359408128481117450284102 7019385211055596446229489549303819644288109756659334461 2847564823378678316527120190914564856692346034861045432 6648213393607260249141273724587006606315588174881520920 9628292540917153643678925903600113305305488204665213841. The balance of the first million positions are to be found here.

Are the profits of your telecoms provider safe enough?

Captain Codpiece doesn't think so and he is willing to gamble your safety on it.

Balancing the US budget

Step 1: Sack all of the scientists as they are clearly unnecessary. Will he be allowed to get away with this as well? Almost certainly; what the Emperor demands the Emperor receives.

Your Friday Schadenfreude

It seems that the show hosted by John "Make More (White) Babies" Gibson, who has won the Best-Injection-Molded-Hair-on-Television Award for the past five years, has been booted off of the airwaves over at Faux News. Shame.

Why settle for two wars when you can start three?

Noted left wing propaganda organ, U.S. News & World Report thinks we might be headed towards war with Iran.

Sigh.

Truth speaking

Our quote of the day comes from former Democratic presidential contender Dennis Kucinich (D - OH): "We cannot secure our nation with lies".



Why, oh why, can't he be President?

"For Christ's sake are you done if there yet?"

Police in Kansas are investigating the rather bizarre case of a woman who spent two years on her boyfriend's toilet and had to be cut away from the toilet seat because her flesh had attached itself.

Your tax dollars (not) at work

Congressional Republicans are working to force back into law the requirement that fully a third of all American aid funds for HIV/AIDS be devoted to ineffective abstinence only programmes that have been shown not to work. This would be tragic, rather than humorous, except for the fact that is Senator David "I Never Met a Hooker I Wouldn't Shag" Vitter of Louisiana who is taking the lead in the effort.

For reasons I do not understand Senator Vitter did not resign and was not forced to resign after admitting to availing himself of the services of prostitutes in Washington and back home in Louisiana. Perhaps ex-Governor Spitzer can explain.

Guns don't kill people...

...Jesus does! At least that is the only conclusion I can draw reading this story about a letter found in the car of Matthew Murray after he shot and killed four people at a church in Colorado last year. In the letter Murray asks Jesus where he is and why he prayers go unanswered. That being the case it would seem that God (and/or Jesus) could have saved the lives of these four people but refused to do so.

So does this mean that Christianity kills?

Pat Buchanan performs the "I'm Losing My Rag Rag"

You don't have to go very far below Mr. Buchanan's surface to find a racist; in fact you don't have to penetrate the surface at all as this clip amply demonstrates!

Everything's political

By now we all know about the Pentagon report that has conclusively demonstrated that there were no, I repeat NO, link between Saddam Hussein's government and al Qaeda. Now it seems that US Department of Defence has decided that the American people have no right to see it and will try to prevent its release. There couldn't have been any pressure from the White House, could there?

Jim Hightower asks the impossible

He demands that Congress acquire some cojones!

Is Huff-o-phobia a word?

If it is Bill-o's got it bad!

Do it yourself week at the Guardian?

Yesterday my favourite newspaper offered up sand bag making instructions and today they tell us how to grow wheat in the back garden! I can hardly wait for tomorrow!

Progress report

I shall note without comment that Sudanese officials are predicting that the conflict in Darfur will become "another Iraq or Afghanistan disaster" if talks between the government and the rebels remain deadlocked.

Running the government like a (badly run) business

Captain Codpiece and his evil minions have finally forced Admiral William Fallon, the head of CENTCOM, to resign for displaying insufficient sycophancy.

One, two, three: "Let's bomb Iran"



I am afraid. Are you?

"Whatever I do, I can't mention the dollar"

White House spokesmodel Dana Perino is expressly forbidden from talking about the US dollar, especially its recent lack of value, under threat of termination.

Science banned in Oklahoma!

No. Really. I kid you not!

How long before the US slips off into the third word? A generation? Two?

I think I may have been young at just about the right time

A new study out of America's Centers for Disease Control indicates that more than a quarter of American teenage women is infected with a sexually transmitted disease. That abstinence thing seems to be working just fine. And, since the most common infection was the human papillomavirus, it was obviously a great idea to resist vaccinating girls for HPV, which can cause cervical cancer, because to do so would only encourage them to have sex.

BREAKING NEWS: Dangerous middle eastern terrorist orders assasination of Israeli Prime Minister!

Wait a minute. It wasn't a terrorist it was a rabbi. That's very different.

From the Department of "Better Late than Never"

The day after the Worst Storm Ever (which bad but...) the Guardian gives us instructions as to how to make our own sand bags.

Today in infamy - "making Faux News possible" edition

On this day in 1932 Australian American media mogul Rupert Murdoch was born and the rest is faux-ness.

Who says Americans have no sense of irony

Today's headline of the day: "Bush: Cheney to Press for Mideast Peace". Is this before or after he becomes one of the un-un-dead?

"Is this heaven?"

"

No, it's (the great state of) Iowa" where Karl Rove was heckled and taunted during a speech at the state's University for which he "earned" $40,000. I always knew I liked Iowa. I just never quite knew why!

Shorter Dennis Campbell

"Jesus is a Wing Nut and so is his Dad!" You must read the whole piece. It is too preposterous to attempt to abridge (but not too preposterous to mock).

And may the best man win...

...as long as it's us! Boeing plans to fight the awarding of the Air Force refueling plane contract to someone other than Boeing. I fear that protectionist Democrats will only be too happy to leap on their bandwagon alongside their protectionist Republican brethren.

I think the best solution would be to award the contract to no one and to send every American a cheque for 117 US dollars!

This just breaks my heart

Those ravenous carnivores at the top of the free market food chain, not to mention the bottom of the ethics heap, the private equity buyout specials, who like to tear the heart out of public companies that they swallow up for their own personal enrichment, are suddenly finding themselves in rather difficult circumstances or, as Martin Fridson, a Wall Street expert, puts it "they’re staring into the jaws of hell".

Couldn't happen to a nicer bunch in my estimation but one suspects that if they end up unemployed their life will still be many order of magnitude easier than most of those that they put on the dole.

Where would Jesus sit?

I am certain that Esther Viti of La Jolla CA is a good Christian lady who has simply set aside her faith for a bit in order that she may arrange a park bench sitting campaign to ensure that no "transients" (aka lesser human beings) can sit on the local street benches, at least in the good part of town.

I wonder if she remembers that Jesus was a "transient" (aka lesser human being). Probably not is my guess.

In which I prove I am fair and balanced

It would seem that NY governor Eliot Spitzer has admitted to committing a crime whilst a public servant and therefore must resign. And that must be the standard. Once one admits committing a crime, any crime including DUI, filing an incorrect tax return or perjury, any and all politicians must remove themselves from public office.

The cries from the right have been deafening all day. For some reason they're not so concerned with this guy or even this guy but I am sure that is not hypocrisy so it must be anti-Judaism!

What sound does John McCain make when he walks?

Flip - flop - flip.

Torture. First he was against it; then he was for it (sort of); now he's against it again.

Well. Short term memory is the first thing to go.

"Well they are on the bloody road map now"

Once against proving that Israel has no real interest in pursuing peace the government has announced plans to further expand illegal West Bank Jewish-only settlements in violation of international law and their own assurances as part of the "road map to peace". The silence from Washington is deafening.

Disclaimer: this post can in no way be construed as either anti-Judaic or supportive of terrorism so don't even try, OK?

Let's make a deal!

Captain Codpiece wants to go back to Texas. Most American citizens want Captain Codpiece to go back to Texas (if not further afield or to jail). Why wait ten months? Why doesn't he just go now and make the world a safer and more civil place?

There is only one caveat. He has to take his sidekick the undead "I'm a Big" Dick Cheney with him!

Bad news for homeopaths

Who needs the memory of water when the drinking water supply is full of prescription and non-prescription drugs? No one should worry of course because water supplies in the affected cities "insist their water is safe" and who wouldn't take their word for it? There's a map if you wonder if your city is affected.

If you're looking for a city to move to North Jersey looks a good bet as they are the only area reporting codeine in the water.

The Reds are coming! The Reds are coming!

Dangerous socialists, (they don't even try to hide it - the name of their party is the Socialist Party), have once again won power in Spain. What is wrong with this Europeans? Can't they see what things like this do to the value of the Euro?

Are you feeling lucky?

If you are, and you live in Oregon, you just might win yourself some health insurance. If not, better luck next time. In the meantime the market has spoken.

Does anyone else feel like weeping or is it just me?

Feel (and hear) the hate!

Republican state representative Sally Kern (OK) didn't think anyone was listening but they were. Enjoy her rambling hate filled anti-gay, anti-Muslim tirade. I did.

How many times do we have to tell you...

...that the "Freedom Agenda" only applies if you elect folks we like. When you don't we'll have to do something about it. As an example let us review Bolivia which recently elected dangerous left winger Evo Morales so Captain Codpiece has seen to it that his right wing opposition gets US taxpayer money to ensure that this failure of democracy is not repeated! (Don't we ever learn?)

For your listening pleasure

It may be a pleasant Sunday afternoon but the worst storm ever is headed this way. Therefore without further ado I give you the legend Doc Watson and "Deep River Blues".

Supporting the troops?

It seems that "I'm a Big" Dick Cheney's old company, the exceeding patriotic (and profitable) KBR is poisoning the troops with bad water. KBR says that the report from the Pentagon is all lies and then was seen laughing on the way to the bank.

Why I love the FA Cup

Barnsley 1 - Chelsea 0 in the quarterfinals. Barnsley are a Championship side who went up against Chelsea whose wage bill is roughly equal to the GDP of Belgium. Man U also lost to Portsmouth. There is no equivalent in American sports to this; none whatsoever.

Is he still wearing his armour suit?

Australian authorities believe that they have found the long lost grave of outlaw Ned Kelly. Kelly fought the law and the law won, but not easily.

Are Jews a backward race?

If not why would they allow some of their women to wear the sal, the Jewish equivalent of the hijab, as these women in Beit Shemesh are doing. Surely this is religious oppression of women that would only occur in a backward country, occupied by a backward people who are living in the distant past, right?

Will the king (or queen) maker be a Nutter?

For the first time that I can remember the primary in my home state of Pennsylvania is actually going to mean something and that means that the endorsement of Philly's mayor, Michael Nutter is suddenly much sought after and he has endorsed Senator Clinton, a choice some find surprising.

By the way I can't help decide who will win PA as I have already voted in the Democrats Abroad primary on Super Tuesday. Damn!

Now this is interesting

The Iraqi authorities have announced plans to crack down on those living in the country without the proper documentation. Do you think any of those American soldiers bothered to pick up a visa on the way in?

A taste of things to come?

Is it a good sign that a Democrat has won the House seat formally belonging to Dennis Hastert in what should have been a safe Republican district? I don't know but I think I'll enjoy the sensation anyway.

Prepare yourselves...

...for more of this slander. US Representative Steve King (R - Iowa) tells us that "the al-Qaida, and the radical Islamists and their supporters, will be dancing in the streets in greater numbers than they did on September 11" if Barack Obama wins the presidency. All while pretending that that isn't what he is saying. We should pity poor Rep. King as he was seemingly born without scruples.

Every life dollar is sacred

The co-chair of John McCain's Arizona campaign, US Representative Rick Renzi (R-AZ), stands accused of skimming hundreds of thousands of dollars from pro-life groups to fund his pro-life Congressional campaign.

Ah, life is good.

For my American friends

If you forgot to reset your clocks last night you're probably late for something so get a move on.

(Isn't it great to see America leading the way in the fight against climate change by extending daylight savings time by 3 weeks? No sacrifice too small, I say!)

Good morning Longyearbyen!

I head the sun's just come up. I do hope you enjoy it.

Today in infamy - "a nation turns its lonely eyes to you" edition

On this day in 1999 baseball legend Joe DiMaggio died, aged 84, possibly on the set of a Mr. Coffee advert.

We're all going to die!

The worst storm ever this year is coming! I'd best start the process of hatch battening.

Why you should never confuse Texas with Sweden

Down in the Lone Star State it has only just become legal for women (and men for that matter) to get their hands on a dildo, vibrator or other sexual device. Whereas in Sweden the state run chemists, Apoteket, are to starting selling sex toys in order to satisfy customer demand. (The pun may or may not be intended.) The decision to trial these products came after a survey last year which put dildos and massage oil at the top of the list of new products desired by customers.

Perhaps Pennsylvania's Governor Rendell should consider this new product line as a revenue enhancers for the state's State Liquor Stores.

When they came for our mince...

...I did nothing because I was not mince but when they came for our cat vitamins, well that is rather different.

Cat vitamins??!! (Note that these are not, as I originally thought, vitamins made FROM cats but rather vitamins made FOR cats.)

Is Faux News going knickerless?*

The ever so feminine young ladies at Faux News, such as the lovely and demure Ainsley Airhead Earhardt, will undoubtedly be surprised, and perhaps shocked, to know that not wearing pants means something quite different on this side of the pond.

*Perhaps they should trial it on Faux Business it might boost the ratings!

So where are Kukla and Fran then?

Someone woke former Colonel Oliver North from his slumber and he immediately blamed the small bomb in New York on Nancy Pelosi and the Democrats.

Go back to sleep Ollie. Fawn should be around soon with your medication.

Those Yalies have all the luck

St. Tony is going to start teaching them how religion can aid reconciliation and bring peace. The start of the course will be delayed until 2020 thereby giving the former British Prime Minister time to work out how religion can aid reconciliation and bring peace.

How bad is the state of the US economy?

When the ultimate government insider corporation, the Carlyle Group starts looking shaky things must be fairly bad one would think.

John's new (evangelical) friend

Maybe Bill Donohue will like this one because Rod Parsley doesn't seem to hate Catholics but he does hate gays, abortion, Muslims, judges and anyone to the left of Mussolini.

Watch and learn.

Perhaps the anti-feminists are right...

...perhaps the British male has been emasculated. As evidence I submit this story about two 14 year-olds in Ayrshire being kicked out of school for taking Viagra.

Since when do 14 year old lads need Viagra? At that age the real challenge is to keep the bloody thing from getting hard (and then keeping your hands off of it)!

And now for a few unkind words about the Church of England

Now that the absurd Common Law offence of blasphemy looks about to be stricken from the books.

On second thought perhaps I should wait until it IS stricken from the books. I really can't afford a solicitor's bill at the moment.

Fasten your seat belts

The other day Captain Codpiece endorsed Senator McCain for the Presidency which, given his approval rating, is a bit of a poisoned chalice. Yesterday the head of US Northern Command, Gen. Gene Renuart, played the fear card.

Coincidence?



Get ready for Bert and Ernie to race towards Elmo as November approaches.

Do something!

Today is International Women's Day and, looking back at the past year, one cannot say with any confidence that things are getting better.

For the attention of the American Secret Service

When football manager Jose Mourinho said yesterday that he wanted to "kill Chelsea" he was referring to his desire to humiliate the football club he used to manage and not to a desire to off the youngest Clinton.

I thought you should know.

This could prove tricky

Russian arms merchant Viktor Bout has been arrested in Thailand where they intend to try him on local charges before possibly extraditing him to the US. I really wonder if the US will go through with extradition of this "merchant of death" as he has done business with the US government recently, as part of the Eternal Global War on Terra, and may know some things that he might use in his defence that the US would prefer not to get out.

Shorter Cal Thomas

"Mamas don't let your babies grow up to be homos."

For my American friends

It has been at least seven years since this was last allowed to happen in your country. In case you have forgotten this is what an unmuzzled government scientist sounds like.

Error in estimate of age of Grand Canyon increases...

...as "scientists" now claim that the great gorge on the Colorado River is 17 million years old which is about 11 million years older than their previous guess.

Of course this is all just silliness because those-who-will-be-saved know that this great testament to God's greatness was formed by Noah's flood only 4300 years ago.

How silly of them.

Déjà vu all over again

As I noted yesterday it's another day so there is yet another US dollar hits new low against the Euro story.

Sigh. I hope none of you were planning on a holiday in Europe this summer.

What His Highness wishes

The evil minions surrounding His Imperial Lowness Emperor George the Last (aka Captain Codpiece) continue to attempt the Imperial powers of Our Great Leader. They now argue that there is no need to get Congressional buy in to the long term military treaty that he is forcing on the Iraqi government because Congress already authorised it with the authorisation to use military force in 2002.

WTF? Over.

Looking for something to do in Philly on 16 March?

Then look no further! It's the fifth anniversary of the illegal invasion of Iraq and a coalition of area groups plans to demonstrate near the home of Pennsylvania's senior Senator Arlen "He's a Single Bullet Man" Specter.

I think the great whore of Revelation 17 is pretty hot, what about you?

TPM's video of John Hagee's greatest hits.



(Am I the only one who is uncomfortable about being on the same side as Bill Donohue?))

Today in infamy - "it was just about property rights" edition

On this day in 1857 strict constructionists on the US Supreme Court ruled that Dred Scott was just property and not a human being.

Is there no food safe to eat in America anymore?

Now it's Aunt Jemima's pancake mix that has had to be recalled due to salmonella contamination.

The other surprise, for me at least, in this story is that Aunt Jemima's pancake mix is still on the market. Does she still look like this?

As usual, I have a better idea

Instead of padding lamp posts to protect those idiots who insist on attempting to text and walk at the same time why don't we just ban texting whilst walking! After all these morons do not just walk into lamp posts, they walk into people. Like me. At least twice today and I do not at all appreciate the "why didn't you get the fuck out of my way" looks I get at least half the time.

All those in favour?