"Oops, we didn't mean Malaysians are terrorists...

...we probably should have said brown people are terrorists". The Royal Marines are ever so sorry for any confusion caused.

1,000 reasons John McCain shouldn't be President

Number 36: when you are as old as The Aged One the past, present and future all sort of merge into one. And if you think that the President of the United States ought to be capable of properly speaking American (forget English) well we've managed very well for the past seven years, haven't we?

"They started it! They invaded Poland!"

Briton David Barnish has been awarded £750 compensation over his family's disastrous holiday to Kos, which is, you should note, a Greek island. Apparently the Barnishs arrived at their hotel only to find it full of GERMANS. No matter what time they got up they would always find all of the sun loungers covered with towels and were forced to sit on the grass. How unfortunate for them. Of course this provides an excuse, as if one were needed, to share the funniest four minutes of TV comedy ever!

Because 365 days of hate isn't enough

Let's make sure that "gay day" at Disney World can never happen again! According the David Caton of the Florida Family Association

"This is an event that is, on its face, very offensive because they're in there demonstrating their same-sex affection...It's a party on their part. Most of them hang out on Main Street; they hang out in the restaurants. They want to be seen."

And in any decent Christian country there should be no ho-mo-sexuals to be seen.

Simply not good enough

Senator McCain's campaign advisers "Holy" Joe Lieberman and Lindsey "Am I Annoying or What?" Graham have resigned as policy advisers to those great patriots at Vets for Freedom. Unfortunately as they waited until after VfF launched their second attack ad on Senator Obama before resigning I think that this falls just a wee bit short of the McCain campaign policy that prohibits participation in "527 or other independent entity that makes public communications that support or oppose any presidential candidate". I can only assume that their resignations from the McCain campaign team are also forthcoming. (Hey! Come guys. Hurry up. I'm holding my breath here!)

Captain Codpiece - still just a Frat Twat*

Our Great Leader defends the dignity of the Presidency of the United States by chest bumping at the Air Force Academy graduation and some other stuff.

He's bound to grow up someday; I just won't live to see it.

*That rhymes in English!

Could it be an election year?

Suddenly, and with little or now warning, we are winning the Eternal Global War on Terra. Well done everyone.

Nonetheless I reckon Americans should brace themselves for some solo Ernies and perhaps even an Elmo or two as the election draws near.

1,000 reasons John McCain shouldn't be President

Number 35: he has no honour. Now as I see General Petraeus has two, and only two, options. He must either publicly demand that The Aged One immediately remove his image from the campaign website AND explain how this could have happened without the General's permission or he must immediately resign his commission. Over to you General.

"As soon as the kangaroos arrive we'll be ready to start"

Authorities at the palatial Guantánamo Bay Beach and Leisure Resort have had to dismiss judge Colonel Peter E. Brownback III from his role as the chief judge. Although no explanations were given for putting Col. Brownback on gardening leave it appears that amongst other things he was insisting that the prosecutors turn over evidence to the defence teams and that he was resisting the carefully worked out schedule that would see the first convictions verdicts come in time for the coronation of President John McCain in November!

As if we need evidence! These men are evil doers and we all know it. Why else would the US government be financing their six or seven year long holidays in Cuba?

1,000 reasons John McCain shouldn't be President

Number 34: his ridiculous "League of Democracies (That I Approve Of)" is simply a non-starter. Who is going to decide who is a democracy? (John McCain?) Who is going to decide who gets in? (John McCain?) Would Pakistan qualify and Venezuela not? How about Thailand or Zimbabwe? (The Vatican's out for sure!)

Is your father an idiot?

Do you want to keep him that way?

Why not get him a (No) Answers in Genesis book bundle for Fathers' Day?

BREAKING NEWS:

From the Daily Mail (sorry): "Stonehenge was burial ground for long-forgotten royal family"! Has anyone seen the Saxe-Coburg-Gotha's Windsors?

Do not pass go, do not collect 200 Euros...

...go directly to Hell (or possibly a nunnery). That is the message that the (all male) Vatican has for any non-male (aka woman) who is consecrated as a priest. This is not especially good new for Sinead O'Connor.

For starters he's never going to play for the All Blacks now, is he?

A local councillor from Paraparaumu-Raumati in New Zealand dressed up in Klu Klux Klan klobber to protest national hoodie day. I just hope he doesn't dress up as a Nazi you Yom Kippur.

Today in infamy - "dead man in Deptford" edition

On this day in 1593 playwright and poet Christopher Marlowe was stabbed to death in a pub at Deptford. This was back when Deptford was safer than it is today.

For those of you who haven't read Anthony Burgess's outstanding novel about the murder of Kit Marlowe, A Dead Man in Deptford, I heartily reccommend it.

Let the proselytising begin...

...or perhaps continue would be a better choice of words. A US Marine has been removed from duty after he was found to have been handing out coins with Biblical verses on them at a checkpoint in Falluja. Just in case anyone thinks this may have been an accident should know that the coins were inscribed in Arabic. The taxpayer funded campaign for converts marches on!

You are the American State Department...

...you award Fulbright Scholarships to a number of students from the illegally occupied Gaza Strip to allow them to pursue advanced degrees in America. Said students are denied permission to leave the Gaza Strip by the illegal occupier as part of the illegal occupier's policy of collective punishment (in violation of international law).

• Do you inform the illegal occupier, who relies extensively on American support and finance, that this is unacceptable and force them to allow these undoubtedly deserving and intelligent young people to further their education?

or

• Do you cancel the scholarships?

If you took the first choice you've forgotten who is running the country!

Quote of the day

"McClellan could have resigned in protest or simply moved on with his dignity intact. Now he looks pathetic, vindictive and opportunistic. Not much of a legacy."

From an "assessment" of Scott McClellans' revelations by the White House's favourite gay escort and pseudo-reporter Jeff Gannon.

Is it 2004 already?

Captain Codpiece's evil minions have finally got around to issuing a comprehensive assessment of the impact of global warming on the US and it ain't good news folks. Unsurprisingly the report was only issued, four years after it was due, after a court order forcing them to do so. Consistency is their hallmark.

Shorter Pat Buchanan

"Winston Churchill killed the Jews!" (I shit you not.) His premise, if one can call it that, is that World War II never would have happened, and the Jews would have "all survived", if only Churchill hadn't given a defense guarantee to Poland. What would have happened to Poland is not discussed.



(Transcript here.)

Calling all wing nuts

That illustrious periodical Scientific American brings you the science behind the ad hominem attack. I thought you should know!

How is this possible?

The head of the Bank of International Settlements has come out to say that the omniscient, omnipotent,omnipresent yet invisible hand of the market simply ignored the warning signs of the collapse in the US real estate market. Well, I ask you, what the hell is the point of being omniscient, omnipotent and omnipresent, let alone invisible, if you're simply going to waste your talents?

Is it "New" Labour or "No" Labour?

No one could accuse Gordon Brown's business secretary John Hutton of pandering to the Labour base, should such a thing still exist, in his recent talk to the Fabian Society. Perhaps it is time for a change, and a major one, at the top of the party.

Is our childrens principals learning?

Well they may be learning but might still come up short of learned. Charlesetta Deason was the head mistress of a charter school in Houston when she was asked if she would like to set up a similar institution in Qatar. Only one problem. She didn't know where Qatar was. A high school principal. What can I say?

Of course Ms. Deason's previous school was in Texas so that may explain the lower standards.

Who left anorexic hagette Ann Coulter in charge?

"Invade their countries?" √

"Kill their leaders?" √

"Convert them to Christianity?" √

All's well on the hearts and minds front then.

Will there be pictures (or explanations of foot tapping codes)?

Soon to be ex-Senator Larry "Not Now and Never Has Been Gay but Is Willing to Consider It in the Future" Craig (R - ID) is go to write a tell (less than) all book. This should be good. I must remember to add it to my Xmas list!

A question for both all five Presidential candidates

Are you going to ensure that the Pentagon audit office is fully funded so that it may carry out its charter? If not, why not? Please financially justify your response. (Hint: I guarantee that any additional funding will more than pay for itself!)

Damned liberal American media continues to shamefully ignore Middle Eastern Bible burnings!

Hundreds and hundreds of Christian Bibles have been blasphemously burned by radical Muslim Jewish students in Israel and the American press refuses to report on this gross violation of the Christian nature of the American state! When do we invade?

Uh oh, God's gonna hate this!

The great Americans at Americans for Truth prove to us that the US media is "promoting atheism"! "How did they do this?" you ask. By reviewing the 2007 news coverage of ABC, CBS, NBC, Newsweek, Time, U.S. News and World Report an four programmes from National Public Radio. In all of this coverage they found one hundred and five (105!) stories that acknowledged the non-existence of God. Won't someone please think of the children!

Bush on blow

I must have missed this yesterday. One of the revelations in little Scotty's book is that apparently Captain Codpiece can't remember if he snorted coke at university.

"Heh. I snorted something. I thought it was coke but I was just a stupid rich kid. They probably ripped me off and I only did meth! Heh."

I must react to the drug different. I remember snorting coke it's the things I did afterwards that get fuzzy!

R.I.P.

Utah Phillips - activist, musician, American hero - 1935 - 2008.

See John flee! Flee, John, flee!

Resplendently mustachioed former (temporary) US Ambassador to the UN and neo-con extraordinaire John Bolton escaped an attempt by writer and activist George Monbiot to arrest him for war crimes at the Hay Festival yesterday. The Guardian has pictures. I asked you lot to keep your fingers crossed and you failed me!

I may have more to say on this later.

One smallish step for mankind

Representatives of 109 countries have signed up to a comprehensive ban on cluster munitions. Included in the 109 nations is, somewhat surprisingly, the UK which has agreed to eliminate all of its cluster bombs and will also force the US to remove stockpiles from British soil. (I wonder if this covers Diego Garcia?)

The United States joined those beacons of freedom and peace China, Israel, Pakistan and Russia in refusing to even discuss the matter. India also did not attend the session or sign up to the agreement. The company one keeps says a lot about oneself I think.

White House hails bus Scott McClellan pushed Captain Codpiece under...

...and shoves the traitorous Scottie under it! The are so not happy. For instance thoroughly gruntled White House spokes model Dana Perino said that Mr McClellan

"is disgruntled about his experience at the White House...For those of us who fully supported him, before, during and after he was press secretary, we are puzzled. It is sad. This is not the Scott we knew."

Ms. Perino went on to say that Captain Codpiece was aware of the book but that he wouldn't be reading it, possibly because he still hasn't managed to get through his copy My Pet Goat II, an Xmas present.

Over on Faux News former Presidential aide turned professional liar pundit Karl Rove stayed with the "not the Scottie I know" theme and also said that the quotes sounded like a "left wing blogger" because after all if you don't live in the Bush administrations anti-reality bubble then you must be evil. ("Left wing blogger" is White House code for "evil doer" by the way.) Mr. Rove went on to complain about the lowly wages he must be getting from the Faux Network as he said that he wouldn't be reading the book until "until somebody else buys it and gives me a copy". Come on Karl! The pay can't be that bad. The book's only £11.21 over here (and eligible for SuperSaver delivery!), it's bound to be cheaper over there. I'm sure you can afford it if you just cut back on the sweets. It's not as if you can't afford to lose a little weight. Just imagine how exciting it will be to have a chin of your own again! Here's Karl pontificating.



And here's some footage from MSNBC discussing the White House's anger managment problems. (I wonder what the word-he-can't-say-on-TV was.)

Because it's your bloody job lady!

Crooks and Liars has a clip from one of those truly horrible Faux News shows in which the presenters decide to express their deeply not thought out positions that volunteer soldiers don't deserve the benefits that they will get from the new GI Bill (as opposed by Captain Codpiece and John McCain). The bit I find of most interest is when one of the MILF-like presenters of which the Faux Network is so fond, whose identify I don't know, proves totally incapable of pronouncing the word "vitriolic". We all like to have a bit of fun when a politician stumbles over a word or two, fifty in Captain Codpiece's case, but this woman pretends to be a professional broadcaster. Time she found a job that she is qualified for I should think.

Keep your fingers crossed

George Monbiot is going to attempt a citizen's arrest of John Bolton for crimes against humanity. I reckon he'd look good in an orange boiler suit, don't you? I'm also certain that the Syrians might have one or two questions they would like to ask him (and one or two ways to make him talk) after his extraordinary rendition.

I know what you did this summer

The Asia Times is reporting that Captain Codpiece intends to attack Iran (illegally) by August. And "why not?" I must ask. After all all of the other wars are going so well.

"Save the planet? Sure. Why not?...

...What the hell do you mean it's going to cost me?" The great spirit of American sacrifice for the greater good lives on. We are doomed, aren't we?

Didn't someone we all know and love used to be governor down there?

The (less and less) great state of Texas ranks 46th out of the 50 states in seeing to the health of its children and ranks last in insurance coverage for kids with 20% going uncovered. See? The market works!

Mid-week madness

Fun with War Crimes - Episode 2 - "9/11 Changed Everything"

Shorter Pat Buchanan

"Just thinking about the days when white men ruled the world gives me an enormous erection. Let's bring them back!"

When they came for the cluster bombs I did nothing because I was not a cluster bomb

Kudos where kudos are due. Gordon Brown's government looks set to sign up to a total ban on cluster munitions leaving the US to hang out with its good mates Russia, China, Israel, India and Pakistan.

1,000 reasons John McCain shouldn't be President

Number 33: if you ain't with 'im then you're agin him and boy is he with Captain Codpiece. He's voted with him 100% of the time this year.

"George! Look out! A bus!"

Today's Schadenfreude moment is brought to courtesy of Little Scottie McClellan, former spokes model at the White House, who has thrown Captain Codpiece under the proverbial bus. I may just have to read the book! Not that it will tell us anything we don't know already, (they lie, they violate the law, Captain Codpiece isn't much of a thinker) but to hear it from the lips of one of his chosen yet evil minions, whilst he is still in office, may be worth a few hours of my time.

Just how toxic is Captain Codpiece?

His popularity is so low that even the Jamaican Prime Minister doesn't want to be seen with him!

Note: this is in no way intended to disparage Jamaica. I haven't been there for a very long time but I had two lovely holidays there when I was in my twenties involving sun, sex, beautiful food and perhaps some other stuff.

Tasers save lives!

If you don't be believe me just as the Wall Street Journal which carries this story of a mentally ill man whose irregular heart beat was sorted out after he was Tasered by cops undoubtedly concerned for his well being.

They should start charging for this! (Sadly that pun is intentional.)

Because there's no good reason why the owners should have a say

ExxonMobil wants to ban activism by shareholders because anyone who would put forward a motion on social issues bought the stock for illegitimate reasons rather than to get stinking rich by despoiling the planet.

American Jewish academic refused entry to Middle Eastern country for criticising government!

But since the academic is Norman Finkelstein and the Middle Eastern country is Israel there probably won't be a boycott or anything. Nonetheless I am sure that the State Department will protest in the strongest possible terms!

"OK George I'll let you pass the hat...

...just don't take off your balaclava!"

Shame is a terrible thing, innit?

What's the French word for "pander"?

French President Nicholas Sarkosy, fast overtaking Captain Codpiece as to the percentage of the population of his country that thinks he is shite, is heading down the McCain/Clinton petrol tax holiday road. Not a good idea; in any language, in any country.

Germany to deny exclusively Jewish nature of the Holocaust...

...by raising a monument to victims of the Nazis who were ho-mo-sexuals! Now on to the communists and gypsies.

Good news for Gordo!

And God knows he needs it. If Barack Obama wins the election in November the British Prime Minister may no longer be required to drop his (or her) trousers and grab his (or her) ankles. Clearly this is yet another example of Senator Osama Obama demonstrating his unparalleled hatred for America.

Why does the President need a "special" chopper?

Should any Presidential candidates read this blog looking for sage advice, and it is easy to see why they should, I think I have found a place we could start making some savings in the budget. For some reason it seems that the Presidential helicopter "Marine 1" (and there are many of them) is a type unto itself. The government is planning on spending $11,200,000,000 on developing a new version. That is more than the entire 2008 budget for Environmental "Protection" Agency.

As they used to say in the early days of the automobile: "Get a horse"!

We are not alone!

It seems that the United States is not the only country where the government seems to take its marching orders from Big Pharma. It looks like Canada has the same problem. (Yes, before you ask, there is a similar, if smaller, problem in the UK as well.)

I have two questions

Who the fuck is Rachael Ray and when did she join the Popular Front for the Liberation of Paisley?

All this fuss is over an RJ (recipe jockey)?

Worrisome

The International Atomic Energy Agency, whose opinions I respect unlike those of the Captain Codpiece administration and the right wing talking heads, says that Iran has not been meeting its obligations to the agency re its nuclear energy programme especially as regards weapons research. I do not think it wise that Iran end up with nuclear weapons, although given Jimmy Carter's recent revelations (see post below) I can understand their motivation. In any case the last thing that Captain Codpiece and the steroid snorting neo-con mob need is anything to add any substance, however minor, to their case for attacking Iran.

A warning to Jimmy Carter

Now that you've blabbed about the size of Israel's double top secret nuclear arms cache I would be careful about returning to Israel anytime soon. You don't want to become another Mordecai Vanunu, do you?

The real role of pure science

Clearly the billions and billions of US dollars, pounds, yen, rubles and yuan that have been spent on space research and exploration have not been wasted now that we will soon have space beer. Thank you Sapporo Breweries!

Would you like to know about science....

...yet you are intimidated by all the science-ey bits? Well you need worry no more. Now you can have your (traditional Christian) cake and eat it too* thanks to Exploring Creation with Zoology III which covers the exciting sixth day of creation!

*Not during Lent though!

Dear Charlie Brooker

The answer to your troubling question is "no - they are". I hope that helps.

All your bank holiday news

Spring Bank Holiday? "√"

Cold? "√"

Windy? "√"

Pissing down rain? "√"

Cheese rolling? "√"

It's been a busy week for the Virgin Mary

She's appeared in some bark in Texas and cured a 77 year old woman (who needs single payer health care?) and still had time to be part of a double act in a Wal-Mart bag in Iowa with her son Jesus.

Do they do MBAs?

Welcome to Blackwater Business School.

A Faux News two-fer!

Not only does Faux News contributor Liz Trotta get in the Osama-Obama "mis-speech" but then suggests that we ought to kill both of them. They report - we deride.

Why we must do something about global climate change

If we do nothing the British wine industry may be destroyed!

The traitors amongst us

Former US President Jimmy Carter was in Britain this week and he took the time to make some anti-American remarks hoping that the US press wouldn't be watching but he forgot about me! How dare he suggest that Europe has the option of doing something other than what the American Empire orders it to do. How dare he!

Today in infamy - "because ethnic cleansing is so so American" edition

On this day in 1830 the US Congress passed the Indian Removal Act freeing up precious real estate for real Americans.

"That's not the library, it's the loo!"

"No, it's the library."

The EPA plans to re-open some of it's shut libraries but in very tiny spaces. They probably just don't want to waste any energy.

What's the Italian for "nimbyism"?

Things continue to get testy in Napoli as The Great Silvio is moving fast to crush anti-rubbish tip protests.

R.I.P.

Dick "Sock-it-to-Me" Martin - 1922 - 2008.

Today in infamy - "déjà vu all over again" edition

On this day in 1925 Tennessee school teacher John Scopes was indicted for teaching evolution in the public schools. Thank God that can never happen again, eh?

I reckon he means this literally

Zimbabwe's autocratic "President" Robert Mugabe has called for "war-like leadership" in the campaign for the undoubtedly to be fixed Presidential run off vote. This does not bode well for the courageous members of the opposition.

Be afraid; be very, very afraid

It can, it might and it probably will happen here.

According to arguments by government lawyers at a hearing in the case of Ali Saleh Kahlah al-Marri, a legal US resident who has been held without charge on US soil for over six years, the President of the United States "can send the military into any U.S. neighborhood, capture a citizen and hold him in prison without charge, indefinitely".

Not at all totalitarian or unconstitutional or even terrifying. I am now going to go and hide.

From the department of "nice work if you can get it"

As the British, European and world economies follow the battered American economy into troubled waters it seems as if there has never been a better time to be a big wig in the City of London as City bonuses reach a new record approaching £13 billion. Unfortunately I am not a big wig and I don't work in the City. Damn!

1,000 reasons John McCain shouldn't be President

Number 32: his new "ethical" campaign policy doesn't seem to have lasted a week. And not only is it being violated but it is being violated to two high profile inside the beltway heavyweights in the form of Senator Joe Lieberman (Republi-dent - CT) and Senator Lindsey Graham (R - SC).

American Gore-ing

Yesterday's Guardian carries an interview with octogenarian author Gore Vidal. If this isn't excessive understatement he is a bit cynical about the future of America. Key quote:

"The country is finished. It's all over. But you know, with a new republic like this, if you missed being here at the beginning, the next best thing is to be here at the end."

Quote of the day (bonus edition)

"Smart candidates don't invoke the possibility of their opponents being killed. This seems so obvious it shouldn't need to be said, but apparently, it needs to be said."

From a Washington Post article by one Libby Copeland about Hillary Clinton's incredibly boneheaded "Bobby-Kennedy-didn't-get-assassinated-until-June" remarks.

Situation vacant

MORAL COMPASS REQUIRED for (very, very, very) senior American politician. It is essential that the successful candidate be an experienced evangelical of a conservative persuasion but the candidate must have absolutely no paper, audio or video trail relating to completely loony positions involving great whores, Hitler as a tool of God or starting jihads against Islam. Must be pro-war, anti-abortion and a white male. If you feel you meet these qualifications and are interested in a not very exciting position as a last minute fill in right wing evangelical political endorser please apply here.

1,000 reasons John McCain shouldn't be President

Number 31: ticket sales for a fund raiser in Phoenix in his own home state were so poor his campaign have had to move it to a smaller venue so it didn't look empty. I hope they know that there are 3 Chuck E. Cheese "restuarants" available as an alternative.

Brace yourselves

There is a tsunami of righteous outrage headed our just as soon as certain people find out that single American soldiers are to be allowed to sex in Afghanistan AND are to be provided with condoms to make it only slightly less unsafe (if you believe the administrations "statistics" on condom use).

I love the smell of rubbish in the morning...

...it smells like Napoli.

Please pay attention

I am only going to say this once! Cheez Whiz is not cheese! American cheese is not cheese! If there was anything approaching a trade descriptions act in the US you couldn't call anything with either of these petrochemicals on it a cheese steak! Got it?

Oh fuck, now I really, really want a cheese steak (with provolone of course).

97th and falling

The 2008 Global Peace Index has been released. Iceland is number 1 followed closely by Denmark, Norway, New Zealand and Japan. The UK is a disappointing 49th. The United States, beacon of peace for the planet, is 97th behind such oceans of serenity as Jamaica, Bangladesh, the Dominican Republic, Syria and Rwanda. The success story of Iraq finds it in dead last place behind Somalia, the Sudan and then Afghanistan. The Eternal Global War on Terra must be going well then.

It depends on what the meaning of "earned" is

Without much fanfare John McCain's stinking rich wife has released two pages of her tax returns from one year only. The release comes after she said that she would never release her returns as a "privacy" issue. According the the McClatchy story Mrs. McCain "earned" more than $6 million in 2006. However when one reads the fine print one finds that slightly less than $300 thousand of this was salary and the balance of her "earnings" came in the form of income from partnerships, royalties, trusts and S corporations, capital gains and dividends. Nice work even if you don't have to do any of it!

And this is the way the race ends...

...not with a bang but a whimper. Up to 40 Democratic super delegates, all previously in support of Hillary Clinton, are to switch their allegiance to Barack Obama over the next several weeks one or two at a time starting with Representative Dennis Cardoza. The 40 delegates believe the race is over and it is time to unite the party behind Senator Obama.

Why is the US media silent as Mideastern religious extremists burn Bibles?

It might have something to do with the fact that the burners are Israeli Jews. The Beeb has covered it but hardly anything in the states, and nothing mainstream.

1,000 reasons John McCain shouldn't be President

Number 30: even The Aged One himself realises that he is far too old for the job as he freely admitted in this interview in the year 2000.

"Well, in 2004, I expect to be campaigning for the reelection of President George W. Bush, and by 2008, I think I might be ready to go down to the old soldiers home and await the cavalry charge there."

Note: if the clip isn't working at Crooks and Liars, it wasn't earlier, the transcript is here.

Quote of the day

"People that are really very weird can get into sensitive positions and have a tremendous impact on history."

From that great seer Dan Quayle who obviously saw Captain Codpiece coming. A note to those 30% of Americans who still approve of the Captain's performance at the helm of the nation the word "tremendous" is not a synonym of "positive" or "favourable".

Has Hillary gone fishing for help from sociopaths?

From the department of "Holy fuck - I didn't really say that out loud did I?" comes Hillary Clinton's bizarre RFK assassination remarks. After all picking up the pieces after Bobby's death worked out real well for Hubert Humphrey didn't it?

Still remarkably cheap

Americans are feeling the pain of a petrol price that is still lower than it was in Britain when I moved here 15 years ago and is about half the price we pay today. The NYT article quotes one Debbie Gloyd of Cleveland as saying "I can’t afford these gas prices...They’re insane." What is insane, and has been for years, is building an economy and a profligate lifestyle based on the assumption that energy would be cheap forever. This may be the only thing that will finally force the American people to take a good hard look at themselves and change their behaviour. I hope it does (and I hope it isn't too painful).

Question of the day

Is Captain Codpiece a true Christian or a Muslim fifth columner? To you and I he may seem to be a wacko Christian wing nut but to true wacko Christian wing nuts his faith is in doubt!

Happy birthday Bob

Bob Dylan turns 67 today. Many happy returns.

My Congressman does good!

The McGovern-Sestak(my congressman)-Bishop amendment to the Defense Authorization Bill passed in the House. The amendment requires the "public release of names, rank, country of origin, courses and dates of attendance of WHINSEC’s graduates and instructors to the public". WHINSEC is the school run by the US military to train Latin American military officers formerly known as the School of the America's. WHINSEC/SOA graduates have been tied to some of the worst crimes of the worst regimes across Central and South America.

My fellow Idahoans,

This promotional giveaway at this weekend's St. Paul Saints baseball game certainly has nothing to do with me.

Your soon to be ex-Senator,

Larry "Not Now and Never Have Been Gay*" Craig

*But I Might Consider It in the Future"

Have you always wanted to be a grass?

Do you live in the Twin Cities? This could be you're lucky summer as the FBI is recruiting informants to keep track of the un-American hordes that will be protesting at the Republican national convention this summer.

1,000 reason John McCain shouldn't be President

Number 29: he's thrown so many radical clerics under the bus in the last 24 hours I don't think he believes in the one and only true Christian God anymore!

1,000 reasons John McCain shouldn't be President

Number 28: he DIDN'T VOTE AGAINST the improvements to the GI bill yesterday; unfortunately he did this by NOT VOTING AT ALL, his priorities being elsewhere. But as he is a patriot (which Obama is not) and therefore this is forgiven.

Maybe, just maybe, the illegal invasion of Iraq wasn't about "blood for oil"

Maybe it was about "blood for blood" as US based merchants of death are doing a booming business selling weapons to the Iraqi government. Key quote: "Give it another five, six or eight years and you could be talking about deals that put the Saudis to shame".

Quote of the day

"This is the worst time of my long life...I have never had such meager expectations of the system. I find those expectations verified in the paucity and shallowness every day I live."

From an interview in The Nation with great American patriot Father Daniel Berrigan, aged 87. I have the honour of meeting Father Berrigan when I was around 15 or 16 just after he had been released from prison for destroying draft files in Catonsville MD.

1,000 reasons John McCain shouldn't be President

Number 27: he cares about Jews more than he cares about Catholics! After the radical cleric John Hagee endorsed The Aged One a sermon of his came to light in which he referred to the Roman Catholic Church as the "Great Whore of Babylon". This stirred up some interest and the Reverend Hagee had to apologise to Catholics for saying that in front of a video camera. The Aged One just sort of laughed it off but said he still was glad he had pursued the endorsement from the radical cleric. Now that an audio tape of another sermon from the radical cleric has come to light in which he posits that Adolph Hitler was an instrument of God used to drive the Jews back to the Holy Land (in preparation for Armageddon no doubt) The Aged One has found himself compelled to "repudiate" the Reverend's support.



As far as I am concerned this is far too little, too late. Unlike Senator Obama's relationship with the Reverend Wright, which was of long standing and therefore complicated and difficult to unstitch, Senator McCain and his staff actively pursued the support of the radical cleric Hagee. This demonstrates that either he did not care about these pronouncements, did not believe that would become public or he and his team are incapable of executing even a cursory process of vetting potential high profile supporters. Any of these three explanations must give a voter pause as to whether The Aged One is qualified to be President of the United States.

1,000 reasons John McCain shouldn't be President

Number 26: he has no sense of loyalty. Now that the lobbyist rich environment that is his campaign team has come to light and he is culling those with dubious and dangerous associations those lobbyists who backed The Aged One in the days when his campaign was in the tank are wondering where the quid is to go with their quo.

Is "Intelligent" Design a product of evolution?

I found this interesting little video about the Dover PA school case via The Guardian.

I don't want to say "I told you so"...

...but I told you so as concerns mount over a shortage of kosher meat after the recent immigration raid at an abattoir in Iowa. At least it's after Passover!

Breaking news from the universe!!

Scientists believe that they may have found about half of the missing matter in the universe in the form of strands of baryons littering the (not so) empty void of inter-galactic space. They still need to find a shitload of WIMPS to make up the balance though. I still don't know if this means that the universe is going to expand forever until it nothing but cold (near absolute zero) emptiness or collapse back on itself compressing time and space back to nothing or nearly nothing. In either case I shall certainly be dead billions of years into the future when one of these cases is realised.

Where's the beef?

Being stuffed down the unwilling throats of South Korean consumers as yet another bilateral "free" but not fair trade deal good only for US based multinational corporate interests is imposed on an unwilling citizenry.

Shall we listen to "generals on the ground"?

Because in the UK at least they are calling for a complete ban on cluster munitions but the Labour government is ignoring their advice and says that they want to retain to build, stock and use so-called "smart" cluster bombs. (I'm not sure if these exciting new weapons are well dressed or intelligent thought.)

Pot, met kettle

From the administration that gave us "heckuva job Brownie" comes this compelling proof that Americans do not in fact have any sense of irony. The following is a quote from US Deputy Assistant Secretary of State Scot Marciel about the response to the cyclone in Burma:

"Every day that goes by and more people suffer, increasingly the blame falls on the government."

He is of course correct; both in the case of Burma and the American gulf coast where there are still families living in toxic trailers nearly three years after Hurricane Katrina. Our thanks to Mr. Marciel, a suspiciously French sounding name, for confessing the administration's failings!

Surely this can't be legal

Whether one is a smoker, a neutral or a tobacco-phobe I think it is clear that it still is, in America, an entirely legal activity. How can Sarasota County in Florida believe that it can get away with a stated policy of not hiring smokers.

Which is worse: pandering or pointless posturing

I can't decide what is the most ludicrous response to the rising cost of energy especially oil based products. Is it the McCain/Clinton shameless offer of a "gasoline tax holiday" or is the US House of Representatives decision to try to sue OPEC.

So many idiots; so little time.

Only in America

Buy a car; get the gun for free!

1,000 reasons John McCain shouldn't be President

Number 25: Georgia state Republi-con chairwoman Sue Everhart think the Senator just might be McJesus. Does this mean that Senator McCain was crucified around 38 years ago?

A note to Ms. Everhart: I've never "denounced God" either; I just don't believe in Her.

Isn't there a crime here?

The Washington Post carries a story about a legal Ghanaian US resident, Yusif Osman, who was taken into immigration custody over possible smuggling charges and then died when he was essentially refused medical care. If there isn't a crime, why not? If nothing else there is certainly criminal neglect of someone for whom the guard and the nurse had a duty of care.

John Hagee is starting to grow on me

I think that the worst thing we can do is to put pressure on Senator McCain to repudiate the thinking of and to disassociate himself from the good reverend. He is a gift that just keeps on giving. Here he is saying that Hitler was sent by God to kill the Jews. Surely there must be a few people that might find this offensive.

Good for Google!

They took the side of free speech and refused the request of Senator Joe Lieberman (Republi-dent - CT) to censor things he doesn't like.

"We must condemn all appeasers...

...we must never talk to terrorists."

"But Israel is doing it."

"Now that's something completely different."

And quite rightly too!

The US Court of Appeals in the District of Colombia has upheld a lower court ruling that American money unfairly discriminates against the blind and must redesigned. One of the most frequent questions I used to get when I first moved and occasionally had US bank notes in my wallet was "what do your blind people do?". I confess I had never really thought of it and quickly realised that they must get ripped off a great deal.

If nature builds a bigger mouse...

...man must build a bigger mouse trap. Gough Island, a British possession in the South Atlantic and a critical nesting site for sea birds is being over run by giant carnivorous mutant house mice who have taken to eating bird chicks and threaten the albatross amongst other species.

So this is the thanks we get

The United States bends over backwards for Israel. We stand steadfastly by their side, even when they are in the wrong, and fund a significant portion of their "defence" spending. So why did the Israeli government allow an Israeli foundation to give a $1 million environment prize to Al Gore for warning us about something that isn't happening?

Busy day tomorrw

Might or might not be checking in. In the meantime here's some tunes for ya!

What do you know!

The United Methodists agree with me as to where and when it is appropriate to teach creationism and "intelligent" design and where it is not.

It must be because my great-grandfather, the Rev. John Stringer, was a Methodist preacher. (How he ended up with this heathen of a great-grandson is inexplicable.)

1,000 reason John McCain shouldn't be President

Number 24: How many sides can one mouth have? (I know he's a politician and his lips are moving but this is just bloody ridiculous.)

I don't often believe the Jerusalem Post*...

...but if I have to choose between them and the White House I reckon I have to go with the Post every time. Fasten your seat belts. It's going to be a bumpy 244 days!


*It's the Baron Black of Crossharbour connection.

Quick! Someone ring the National Rifle Association

Americans' God given Second Amendment rights have been trampled on once again....by the NRA....er....maybe we should ring someone else.

"Science? We don't need no stinking science!"

In case you had any doubt decisions related to the environment and climate in Captain Codpiece imperial realm are made based on political considerations not science. Surprised? Anyone?

Now if he'd just apologise for the illegal invasion of Iraq, illegally spying on the American people, firing US Attorneys for political purposes et al

Captain Codpiece has apologised for the US soldier who used a Qu'ran for target practice (and got sent home as "punishment"). Brace yourself for the wingnut outrage at their hero's craven and un-Christian act!

Is our childrens learning?

Not if this poll is to be believed. 1 in 8 high school biology teachers in America are presenting creationism or "intelligent" design as a scientifically valid alternative to evolution. Whilst there is no reason these theories cannot be presented in religion or philosophy classes they HAVE NO PLACE in the teaching of science. If this trend continues America's place as a centre for education, research and science will be lost quickly; in less than two generations.

In the department of "not so much fun when it happens to you"

All news organisations, broadcast and print, edit the statements of and interviews with politicians to fit their needs and sometimes their agenda. American news organisations are the worst of the lot, at least in my view, as they try not to exceed what they perceive to the the 10 second attention span of the American public. It seems that the White House doesn't like it when such editing doesn't meet their agenda. Surprisingly they've never had to send a complaint Faux News.

It's all happening now

Parliament is in the process of debating the new human fertility bill which will regulate amongst other things the creation of hybrid embryos, stem cell research, IVF treatment and abortion. Yesterday an amendment that would have prevented the creation of hybrid embryos was fortunately defeated but tonight's votes on amendments to IVF provision that prohibit it for gays and single women (or at least make it almost impossible to access) and amendments that would reduce the upper limit on abortion from 24 weeks are harder to call. I am especially worried about the abortion amendments. Despite there being significant scientific evidence that there has been no improvement as to the viability of embryos outside the womb before 24 weeks the largely Catholic opposition have tabled so many amendments (reducing the limit to 9 weeks, 13 weeks, 18 weeks etc) that some may feel that a new 20 week limit is reasonable.

You can follow it all here.

Note: curiously all of the parties are allowing members a so called free vote,ie they do not have to follow the dictates of the party platform, but in reality the votes will be anything but. Instead of, as one would expect in a representative democracy, looking to their constituents for guidance these rebel MPs will be following the dictates of their church!

Why democracy is a bad idea

54% of Americans think that the frankly insane idea, championed by Senators McCain and Clinton, of a federal gasoline tax "holiday" during the summer is a good idea. Once America is blessed with My Benevolent Dictatorship this will no longer be an issue!

So Irvine, how's the anger management working out for you?

Not so well apparently. Today's Guardian features an interview with Scottish author Irvine Welsh. I provide the following taster for your amusement only:

"I recently had a wee confrontation in Miami Beach. Hands-up time: I detest cyclists who use the pavement. Obviously, I understand how dangerous the roads are in medieval UK cities, and if people are respectful I'll tolerate it. But I will cheerfully admit to getting fucking heart-sick at (usually stupid, spoiled, rich) cunts who cycle down the sidewalks in the USA when America is all big, straight roads and careful drivers. Not only are the poncey wankers too shit-scared to drive on the road, they often expect you to get out of the way.

"A few weeks ago some wankstain pedalled towards me at speed, ringing his stupid wee bell. This had happened before but this time I wasn't for standing aside. In fact, my intent was to step back at the last minute, and lash out with the anticipation of separating him from his bike. Fortunately for us both, he was as cowardly in interpersonal encounters as he was in the face of the traffic and braked and swerved at the last minute, almost coming off over the handlebars. As I smiled in satisfied vindication, he regarded me in a bemused and irate manner. I cheerfully told him that if he'd made any contact with me I'd have dragged both him and his crappy fucking bike into the traffic. He retorted that I had anger management issues - they actually say things like that in Miami Beach, which kind of wants to be in California. Nonsense.

"Nevertheless, and this is another reason why the expression of public, interpersonal rage is dodgy, I felt guilt creep in. The guy was obviously scared. He wasn't the demon I had made him out to be, just a stupid youngish chap caught up in his own thoughts and selfishness. He'd go home feeling crap, debased, and a little humiliated. I fought the urge to patronise him with some dreadful speech about how that might make him think twice before cycling on the sidewalk. Further up the road, it struck me that he could have had a gun."

In breaking sports news

The mega-gazillionaire owner of Chelsea FC, Roman Abramovich, has been outed as the mystery buyer who spent £17 million on a Lucien Freud painting "Benefits Supervisor Sleeping" (aka "Fat Sue"). Fat Sue is expected to play as a lone striker next season but is unavailable for Wednesday night's clash with Man U for the European Championship.

I'll bet they've never been to Boise

There are grave concerns in de Nederlands that the lovely city of Amsterdam is becoming a "prudish, provincial backwater". I think that they've got nothing to worry about.

I'll bet they haven't even got a word for "appeaser"!

Those damn fromage eating surrender monkeys are at it again! Didn't they listen to Captain Codpiece's brave and instructive speech before the Knesset last week?

Once again on the side of angels

Commencing today in Dublin at talks aimed at a worldwide ban on cluster munitions, weapons that are responsible for so many civilian deaths. That's the good news. The bad news is that my adopted country, the UK, wants to seriously water down the provisions and the country of my birth, the US, has joined China, India, Israel, Pakistan and Russia in not bothering to show up. Those five nations are responsible for the bulk of worldwide production and stocks.

Oops there goes another McCain lobbyist!

This time it's his national finance co-chair. One would have thought that before the good Senator gave Mr. Loeffler so much access to all that money he might have bothered to find out what he did for a living! But then we don't really expect competence from Republi-cons do we?

Shorter Reverend Swank

"I'm keeping the lie alive!"

Should any of you actually have the strength to read this vile sputum I trust you will find it most enlightening.

You learn something every day!

According to this guy the Nazis were just a bunch of poofs, albeit very manly ones. Who knew (and why does Bryan Fischer of the Idaho Values Alliance have so much inside information)?

The horns of a dilemma

At first glance I would have assumed that I would wish to support the cause of Crystal Dixon who was sacked from her job at the University of Toledo (US) after she wrote a column dismissive of the fight for gay rights. Irrespective of the fact that I disagree totally with Ms. Dixon's thesis I believe that she has a right to express herself as a private citizen. However after further consideration it is clear that her opinions make her totally unsuitable in her position as a Vice President of Human Resources. So the question is what should have been done. Should she have moved to another position where her homophobia would not be an issue? Demoted to a position where she would have no responsibility for decision making (with appropriate reduction in compensation)?

It is a difficult decision to have to make but I think that the status quo could not have reasonably been maintained.

The word of the week

Appeasement! Now that they're appeasing the sodomites what's next the bestialists (sic)?

(Apologies to "Little" Rick Santorum.)

Above the law

This Associate Press report about an Iraqi by the name of Yahya Ali Humadi should help to shatter any illusions that you might have the Iraq is a sovereign state and that the United States is not an omnipotent (illegal) occupier. Humadi, who had been detained by American forces in Baghdad over a year ago after a raid on his home. They charged him with illegally possessing weapons (what no Second Amendment!) and attacking US forces for a three judge Iraqi court found that the evidence provided by the Americans did not support the charges and ordered Humadi released. That was in July of last year. Humadi is still being held, without charge, at an American detention camp. The Americans insist this is all legal and above board and most importantly "in the spirit" of the Geneva Conventions. Mr. Humadi and his attorneys are not so sure and neither am I.

Damn meddling UN

We know how to treat our nigras, spics, kikes, camel jockeys OK? We don't need any advice from the UN.

Privatise it!

I noted the other day that the Bush administration had hidden away in their $700 million "aid" package to help the hungry a requirement to shamelessly promote the use of GM organisms. Today's NY Times has a story about the severe cutbacks in basic crop research worldwide that are preventing the development of resistant but non-GM crops. Noted in the article is that fact that the US is also planning on cutting back "by as much as 75 percent, its $59.5 million annual support for a global research network that focuses on improving crops vital to agriculture in poor countries". So we are willing to give away $700 million, largely to American agri-business companies who grow the crops that we give away "in kind", but are not willing to fund the basic but non-commercial research that will assist many countries become self-sustaining.

So why'd he go a begging then?

Captain Codpiece stopped in Riyadh the other day on his Legacy '08 Tour to beg the Saudis to increase their oil output so that Americans don't have to give up their Hummers. Despite some hand holding, genuflection and arse licking the Saudis said know. But Captain Codpiece knows how to spin these things, or at least his evil minions do. Now he says that the Saudis raising their output do any good. [Subliminal message: "Drill in ANWR! Drill in ANWR!"]

How far we have fallen

"It is a grim story, of decision-making driven by fear and ideology and incompetence, a story of crime and of cover-up. It seems likely that the charges against him were dropped because proceedings before a military commission would have turned the spotlight on his treatment and - even more dangerously - on those most senior individuals - politicians and political appointees - with whom responsibility lies. The abuse of Al Qahtani has backfired, as many down at Guantanamo predicted it would. The truth as to his involvement, if any, in the events of September 11th will not be established. He will no doubt linger in a limbo of legal uncertainty in the bowels of Guantanamo or whatever other place may be found for him, a totemic figure whose treatment will be invoked by those who seek to harm the United States. "

From an essay by British human rights barrister Phillipe Sands as to the tale of Prisoner 63 at the US run Guantánamo Concentration Camp Beach and Leisure Resort on the PBS website.

But is "treason" a high crime or misdemeanour?

Philly's own Will Bunch accuses Captain Codpiece of "political treason" for his ill-judged and offensive speech before the Knesset earlier in the week.

Because I'm in that kind of mood

I thought I would allow you to enjoy a little Peter Cook and Dudley Moore from the good old days. Apologies in advance to any one legged readers who take offence!

The Republican case for impeachment now!

Clearly Captain Codpiece is a Red agent determined to bring down America (and doing a bang up job so far)! How do I know this? There is an interview with St. Tony Blair's wife Cherie in today's Guardian in which she states quite clearly that both she and her husband, the former British PM and Bush bum buddy, ARE SOCIALISTS. How many times did they sleep in the White House? How many times were this treacherous pair lauded in the right wing American press and broadcast media? How deep does the rot go?

Clearly Bush must be impeached now before he succeeds in turning America into Cuba!

(It should be noted that St. Tony and Cherie are champagne drinking, country estate owning socialists.)

In which I hope Mitch McConnell is right (for once)

He thinks that the Democratic Party wants to turn America into France. What a shame this would be; the food would be better, the coffee would be drinkable et les femmes, les femmes!

Slow news day at the Guardian?

It must be. They usually don't have time to think up tabloid style headlines like this: "Truffle kerfuffle grips Italy as rival takes root"

If this were a real emergency...

...the US border patrol would still check your ID before allowing you to flee the storm. Nice.

1,000 reasons John McCain shouldn't be President

Number 23: he announces his campaign's casual Friday by asking his staff to remove their (lobbyist) ties. If rumours are correct the McCain campaign now has employment openings in everything.

This can only be a good thing

Jonah Goldberg is terrified, terrified I say, at the possibility of John Edwards as Attorney General.

He is not, however, as terrified as I have been by the reality of first John Ashcroft and then Alberto "Gone-zo" Gonzales.

1,000 reasons John McCain shouldn't be President

Number 22: his religious mentor John Hagee thinks that if his, and therefore God's, chosen candidate can just pack the Supreme Court and get rid of that pesky Roe v. Wade decision all of America's economic problems will be behind her.

You learn something everyday!

Did you know that there is such a thing as good old risk taking American DNA? Yeah; me neither. But according to the erstwhile Michael Medved there is. Not only that but most black Americans don't have it as, instead of taking risks to come to America they waited around to be captured by slavers and brought to the New World without cost or risk! What a slime ball.

Well no one said no permanent prisons, did they?

The US is planning to build a huge new prison at Bagram (Afghanistan) to accommodate between 600 and 1,100 American prisoners. Some of the prisoners at the current facility, where there have been many unresolved accusations of mistreatment and torture, have been held without charge for over five years.

Perhaps this is the "double Guantánamo" that Gov. Romney got so excited about.

Capturing the Republi-con Zeitgeist

No one does it better than Stephen Colbert as he identifies Democratic hopeful Barack Obama as a "secret time-travelling Nazi Muslim. One wonders if the RNC watches him for tips.

Huckabee falls off the VP bandwagon

Unless, of course, the Republicans figure that jokes about Obama ducking gunmen win them more votes than they lose them; which they might possibly do.

Everything's political

I reckon that Captain Codpiece's evil minions hoped that we weren't looking when they altered the $770 million aid proposal to assist in dealing with the world wide food crisis into a vehicle for the shameles promotion of GM organisms in the developing world. I wonder how many of his underlings will end up on the board at Monsanto?

You do realise that this is not the intended purpose of "humanitarian" aid, don't you?

Britain (fails to) lead the way

The British Treasury is insisting that aid to poor countries to deal with the effects of climate change (caused by us) be in the form of loans that have to be repaid with interest. What happened to the kinder, gentler Gordo?

How do you say "no can do George" in Arabic?

Captain Codpiece's Legacy '08 Tour touched down in Riyadh yesterday where he planned to hold hands with some princes and to beg for oil. He left empty handed. So far this trip has failed to live up even the practically non-existent expectations that existed on his departure. So it's on to Cairo where the President is expected to ask to meet with Cleopatra.

So go ahead, convince me.

I am not a huge Obama fan even though I favour him over Clinton. There are still far too many unknowns and in some areas, especially health care, I think he is dead wrong. Nonetheless he has had to face any number of challenges from the Republicans and from Hillary and he has stood up to them steadfastly, honestly and articulately (all of those qualities that Americans seem not to desire in a leader). Yesterday's response to Captain Codpiece's disgraceful speech before the Knesset (and John McCain's equally loathsome defence thereof) was another example.




Keep up the effort Senator Obama. I can be persuaded.

First came "don't ask" followed shortly by "don't tell"...

...now the good folks at the US Veteran's Administration bring us "don't diagnose".Nice, innit?

The next logical step is "don't enlist".

The war on vowels

Same-s_x 'marriage' gets go-ahead in Calif.

The above was the title of an email I got from the lovely folks over at about the hateful ruling from the California Supreme Court yesterday. But what's with the "s_x" thing? You're writing in English not in Hebrew (or Arabic) where the vowels generally aren't written. What's up with this anyway?

Are they so afraid of S-E-X that they can't bring themselves to evenly spell it? I pity their husbands/wives.

Can we make this retroactive?

There are plans afoot to put the US "Intelligence" community on a pay for performance basis. If we can back date this I reckon that Ahmed Chalabi, amongst many others, owes us a great big refund cheque!

Is "malarkey" better or worse than "bullshit"?

I was born in Delaware and until I was 17 lived less than 5 miles from the PA/DE border so I reckon I have Joe Biden (D - DE) as my honorary Senator. This means that I can claim him when he makes considerable sense, which he often does, and I can disown him when he talks a load of bollocks, which he does nearly as often. Yesterday was a day when I reckon I am safe in claiming him. His comments on Captain Codpiece's incredible and damaging speech in Jerusalem are I think concise and on point:

"This is bullshit, this is malarkey. This is outrageous, for the president of the United States to go to a foreign country, to sit in the Knesset ... and make this kind of ridiculous statement."

In which I praise Chris Matthews

At least I do for the moment after this performance in which he exposes one of the countless wing-nut talking heads for having little or no understanding of anything. His clear ignorance doesn't say much for the quality of education at either the University of Oklahoma or the University of Houston law school. (This guy has a law degree?!)

1,000 reasons John McCain shouldn't be President

Number 21: he wants the terra-ists and the evil doers to win. How else would you explain his setting a time table for withdrawal from Iraq; even if it's not a very aggressive one?




He also seems to have picked a rather odd time to start his re-election campaign but then at his age he probably just forgot his first term hasn't happened yet!

Watch out California!!

Now that you have become the second US state to recognise a right to marriage between same sex couples you should expect a wave of immigration to your state by ho-mo-sexuals, lesbos and other assorted deviants.

Er, on second thought, I wouldn't worry.

We write letters

Dear Mr. President,

As an American who has lived in Europe for the past fifteen years I often find myself in the position of having to try to explain or defend either the policy of my government or the statements of its leaders to my friends and colleagues. Your comments yesterday before the Knesset in Israel, in your role as America’s head of state and the country’s chief diplomat, have led to a flurry of communications from those I know well ranging from simple requests for an explanation of your intent to expressions of outrage.

You and I are roughly of the same generation as are many of my European friends and acquaintances. As such they have lived through a period in which Europe was recovering from and rebuilding in the aftermath of the Second World War and therefore they understand, in a way neither of us can, the price paid for appeasement. Even though many of these people speak English as a second (or third or fourth) language they cannot understand your apparent confusion between the concept of negotiation and acts of appeasement.

It is not appeasement to talk to one’s enemies. It only becomes so if one one-sidedly accedes to their demands. If there is no conversation between sides in opposition there is only one means left to resolve their differences; violence and war. Certainly we all agree that in any and all circumstances acts of war must be a final and ultimately regrettable resort and that to engage in war is an expression of our failure as human beings.

In addition to the many concerns and queries of my friends and colleagues, which I find I am unable to adequately address, I find several other aspects of your remarks to be of great concern.

First of all it seems to many of us that your poorly worded statements appear to be a direct attack on Senator Obama, a Democratic candidate for President and the probable nominee of that party. In your remarks to the Knesset on the occasion of the sixtieth anniversary of the founding of the state of you were acting in your role as head of state and representing all of the American people. This attack, if it was intended as such, was inappropriate in that role and it was especially unbefitting as your were speaking on foreign soil; soil whose status is in dispute. There can be no adequate explanation for your misuse of such a forum. If you intended these comments to be directed at Senator Obama you must retract them forthwith and apology. If you did not intend the Senator as a target you must explain to whom your statement was directed and why.

Secondly choosing the occasion of a speech on the anniversary of the state of Israel to launch such an attack, whilst inexplicably failing to talk about peace and the painful concessions that will be required of all sides in order to achieve a lasting peace, will allow some parties to the conflict to legitimately dismiss you and your administration as honest brokers in the search for resolution and peace for all of the peoples in Israel and Palestine.

I hope that you have already taken the opportunity to reconsider your remarks. If not, I hope that this missive may prod you to do so. I am certain that you will, given time to reflect, realise that damage has been done by these statements; damage to the peace process between the state of Isreal and the Palestinian people, damage to America’s stature in the world and damage to the American political process. I trust once you recognise this that you will urgently take steps to undo this damage to the extent that it is still possible.

Sincerely,

Yank in London

Having put an end to war, poverty,...

...hunger, human suffering, child abuse, disease and possibly gayness God is looking forward to new challenges. I think that She has found one in the new Starbucks logo of a nearly naked mermaid. For some unexplained reason God seems to believe that the mermaid in question has "her legs spread like a prostitute"; an act one would consider a technical impossibility for the legless.

Cherie we hardly knew ye!

The British press this week has been full of utter rubbish startling revelations mined from Cherie Blair's forthcoming memoirs. These include her husband's shameful use of her miscarriage to avoid speculation about Iraq, the fact that someone (either her or her husband) forgot to bring the condoms (which she, as a devout Catholic, should not have been using anyway) along to a weekend at Balmoral and they ended up with Leo and that her husband just couldn't believe that Di was dead.

Her apparent disdain for confidentiality in her intimate recollections has lead to calls for her to be sacked as a judge by prominent members of the legal profession including a former senior judge and a senior barrister.

I hope she isn't counting on her judgely earnings to finance her families burgeoning real estate empire.

Crossing the line

One would think with all of that fancy-dancy elitist Ivy League education behind him that Captain Codpiece would at least be aware of the difference between appeasement and negotiation. One would be wrong! I guess G.H.W. Bush pissed all that money down the drain.

This thinly veiled attack on Senator Obama also ignores the fact that his own Secretary of Defense has called for talks between the US and Iran and that his own government has spent considerable time negotiating with appeasing state sponsors of terror in Tripoli and Pyongyang.

Despite the clear inaccuracy of his intended point it is also well beyond the pale to use the forum of a speech, in his role as head of state, to a foreign parliament to embark on issues related to domestic politics. It also makes clear that he has no intent to act as an honest broker in the middle east thereby eliminating any slim chance that there might have been to see any progress towards peace during the thankfully short remainder of his term.

Somehow I doubt that will bother him much. After all peacemakers don't wear codpieces!

And in other news...

...that Muslim guy got the endorsement of some guy with expensive hair. Some folks seem to think this is important.

(In all seriousness it is an excellent speech from Mr. Edwards and is worth watching.)

"Single Bullet" Specter loses the plot (again)

I have had Arlen Specter as one of my Senators for a very long time and we have had a difficult relationship. At times he seems almost like a normal human being in possession of a spinal column only to disappoint; time and time again.

Now he has decided that there is a problem in American so severe that it requires that an independent Federal investigation is required. "What is this problem?" you ask. Is it high gas prices? The firing of US Attorneys for political reasons? The politically motivated prosecution of a southern Democrat to prevent him regaining the governor's mansion in his state? The suppression of science for political gain and the profit of huge multi-national businesses?

None of these?

What then? I don't know how I overlooked the scandal that is how the New England Patriots used video cameras to cheat at American football!

Paging John Hagee

Dear Mullah Hagee,

With the death toll in the recent terrible earthquake in China now estimated to be approaching 50,000 souls I am hopeful that you can explain to me how much worse the tragedy would have been had there been plans for a gay pride event in Sichuan province.

Sincerely,

Yank in London (an apostate Christian)

"How I Got Preggers" by Cherie Blair

At issue is the critical question: "Did the Prime Minister forget the condoms and when did he forget them?".

Be afraid!

Some really big beetles have been captured trying to sneak into Pennsylvania illegally!

Today in infamy - "where was John Yoo in 1252?" edition

On this date in 1252 Pope (Not So) Innocent IV issued a bull which authorised the use of torture against evil doers heretics as part of the Inquisition. Thank heaven that in our civilised times we don't have to worry about any authority in power doing anything remotely like that.

He's not a toff, really, he's not!

We're about to have a by-election in Crewe and the Tory candidate, one Edward Timpson, has sent out some of his mates to canvass on a local council estate. On the surface there is nothing wrong with that but to send them out in a £50,000 Bentley might be misinterpreted. Mr. Timpson had been running slightly ahead in the polls but then Crewe isn't exactly Mayfair or Notting Hill.

It's good to see we're still tackling the big issues

Who could believe that we could have managed to get to the year 2008 without a clinical definition of "premature ejaculation" but thank God we have one now thanks to the International Society for Sexual Medicine and the American Urological Association. And the definition is:

"a male sexual dysfunction characterized by ejaculation which always or nearly always occurs prior to or within about one minute of vaginal penetration; and, inability to delay ejaculation on all or nearly all vaginal penetrations; and, negative personal consequences, such as distress, bother, frustration and/or the avoidance of sexual intimacy."

Meanwhile back in the reality based community...

...global warming isn't coming, it's already here. But nothing to worry about I'm sure Captain Codpiece doesn't read Nature so he can pretend, for another eight months, that nothing is happening!

I can't decide which is worse

Captain Codpiece's specious claim that his courageous decision to give up golf is the best he can do to show solidarity with the troops he illegally sent into harm's way or the fact that he is lying about the timing of his decision.

But let's face it folks. He is the son of privilege and in the circles he travels in giving up golf would be considered just as terrible a sacrifice as having to sell one of the holiday homes (at a huge and barely taxed gain) or deciding not to buy a fourth car.

Do you want the good news or the bad news?

The good news is that the US government has finally, in a long over due decision, decided that the polar bear is "threatened" but not "endangered".

The bad news is that the Department of the Interior has carefully worded the finding to ensure that off shore oil and gas drilling in areas of the bears' habitat is not effected, at least until the oil and gas runs out, and is taking steps to prevent the regulation of CO2 and other greenhouses gases because they "don't have the science to do that".

Oops!!

It seems that the Republi-cons are anxious to get on the change-wagon and are to adopt a new slogan (because there's nothing that spells c-h-a-n-g-e like a new slog): "the change you deserve". There's only one wee problem with this. "The change you deserve" is already the trademarked slogan of Wyeth Pharmaceuticals for thei anti-depressant medication Effexor XR. And it gets even better. According to the Huffington Post the side effects of the drug include "nausea, apathy, constipation, fatigue, vertigo, sexual dysfunction, sweating, memory loss, and - and I swear I am not making this up - 'electric shock-like sensations also called 'brain zaps''". And, as this is truly the gift that keeps on giving, Wyeth ran into trouble with the FDA when they began marketing the drug because of what the FDA termed "unsubstantiated superiority claims". The tag line from the offending ad? "Reality: You have options."

How may days until Xmas?

Oh how I wish I were an alien*

According to the Vatican intelligent life on other planets probably get to skip the whole religion thing. And I thought that humanity was the pinnacle of God's creation.


*Note: I mean the little green man space kind not the Spanish speaking, river swimming, coming to steal my hard earned lifestyle kind!

In which I admit that Captain Codpiece in one heck of a guy!

There are no half measures for this man. When President George W. Bush believes in something he is willing to go the whole distance and hold nothing back which is why we shouldn't be surprised to learn that he has chosen to support the troops dying in his illegal war in Iraq by swearing off golf. He better hope that McCain doesn't win,; he'll have to give up for ever!

I wish I had his courageous patriotism but I'm afraid I'm flag-lapel-pin-aphobic.

In which I reluctantly admit that Captain Codpiece is a genius

How else to explain the sequence of events that begins with Our Great Leader, instead of urging Americans to conserve energy, suggests that growing energy is this answers to fuel shortages and climate change. This then leads to rapidly rising food prices; they are also driven by increasing population and poor weather. The price of food skyrockets so rapidly that Afghan farmers switch from opium to wheat thereby solving both the problems of the narco-economy in Afghanistan and driving many addicts to give up their drugs! We still have to work out how these millions of ex-junkies will be able to afford to eat but I'm sure he has a plan for that up his sleeves!

Captain Codpiece: "Olmert is a lying bastard"

At least that is how I interpret Captain Codpiece's comment to the effect that the Israeli Prime Minister is an "honest man. I am basing this interpretation solely on Our Great Leader's track record at analysing the souls of other national leaders!