"I'm very sorry but you're dead"

A word of caution to the friends and relations of one Mary Welsby of Albrighton in Shropshire: her funeral has been indefinitely postponed due to the unfortunate fact that, despite the opinion of her bank, she is alive. After having difficulty accessing the funds in her Abbey account she visited her local branch where she was told by a friendly member of staff: "I don't really know how to tell you this Mrs Welsby but according to our records, you are dead". According to the 77 year old Ms. Welsby: "It really was quite a shock to me. I'm 77 years old, a widow, and I simply don't know how I got home from that interview."

Perfectly understandable. She has finally received an apology from the bank and is awaiting the delivery of a new toaster in compensation.