More holiday madness

The other day, following Faux News' declaration of war on evil and liberal Halloween I exposed the shameful five points to a half point right wing bias in America's official holidays. Today I thought I would take a look at some of the country's unofficial and lesser known holidays and celebrations.

• Child Health Day - 1 October. We need look no further than Captain Codpiece's valiant struggle to keep America free from socialism by vetoing the renewal of SCHIP to know that anything ostensibly associated with "children's' health" is just a transparent attempt by the God-less left to turn America into a Stalinist state. One point for the left.
• Constitution Day 17 September. Despite efforts by the right to gut the Constitution of anything resembling protection for individual liberties I think we have to call this one a draw. Nil points.
• Fathers' Day - third Sunday in June. Clearly this is a good wholesome God fearing kind of holiday. If it were not they would have called it Two Fathers' Day instead! One point to the right.
• Law Day / Loyalty Day - 1 May. Everyone knows that May Day is the traditional day belonging to labour unions and associated organisations (and is also associated with a pagan fesitval involving frolicing, intoxication and copulation) so these made up events for that day is just an attempt by the right to usurp what rightfully belongs to the left. One point awarded to the left and one point subtracted from the right for this shameless effort!
• Mothers' Day - second Sunday in May. See Fathers' Day. One point for the right.
• National Day of Prayer - what's with all this May Day stuff. One point awarded to the right for obvious reasons and two points taken away for equally obvious reasons! (How dare they!)
• I don't think that Patriot Day (11 September) requires any comment. One point to the right. (In the future ten points will be awarded to the right if they agree to move Islamofascism Awareness Week to coincide with this new celebration. (This holiday is proudly sponsored by Halliburton and Blackwater USA!)
• As Faux News has already informed us Halloween is most definitely a dangerous and insidious left wing holiday and brainwashing vehicle. One point to the left.
• Even though Valentine's Day is generally accepted to celebrate good honest American heterosexual romance as some of this comes before marriage and goes further than "romance" I fear that both sides get a point for this one!
• Easter - no discussion necessary. One point for the right.
• Groundhog Day - as long as Punxsutawney Phil predicts six more weeks of winter, which means that global warming is a lie, than the right is awarded one point.
• Lastly Cinco de Mayo obviously is an attempt to convince Americans to return large swathes of the American southwest to Mexico and therefore one point to the left.

Final score for the unofficial holidays: Left 4 - Right 3. I think that this clearly demonstrates very little and I trust you don't mind wasting your time in this manner.

As they say in America - "have a nice day"!