31 March 2007

It's a miracle!

I recently wrote a post about the absurdity surrounding the case of the so-called "mystery nun" whose recovery from Parkinson's disease is being used to propel the late pontiff, John Paul II, along the road to sainthood.

Well now we can reveal that the Catholic devotee in question is one Sister Marie-Simon-Pierre, a forty-five year old French nun from Aix-en-Provence. According to her (rather tall) tale she was diagnosed with Parkinson's in 2001 and had become unable to write legibly or drive and was in considerable pain. One night in 2005 she scrawled, illegibly, the name of the by then decease Pope on a peace of paper and woke up in the morning cured. She felt so much better the next day, after the late Pope had reached out from beyond the grave and cured her, that she assisted in a Caesarean section birth in a maternity ward. (Remind me not to end up in a hospital where they allow a nurse, who has been suffering from a serious and debilitating disease for over four years, to work in an operating theatre when she comes in one morning and says that she feels better!)

According to the rules laid down by the Church in order for this to qualify as a "miracle" a person's recovery must be "be sudden, complete and permanent - as well as inexplicable". Normally for something like cancer they have to wait ten years but it seems there is no such rule for Parkinson's. So let us assume that they make him a saint on the basis of this phenomenon what would happen if she relapses? Would he be demoted to ex-Saint? Does this get attributed to him just because she illegibly wrote down his name? What if she had written Osama bin-Laden, John Belushi or Satan? Would they have been credited with a "miracle" and been on their way to sainthood?

Does any part of this process make sense to anyone (who isn't a Catholic)?

Now if Peter Taylor wrote John Paul's name last night and Crystal Palace get promoted this year that would qualify as a miracle!

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