Now this is a relief

There was panic in the streets of Philadelphia area after it was believed that there was a WILD BEAR loose in the city* after the discovery of suspicious footprints off Bryn Mawr Avenue. After the city finally tracked down a public servant who could count past three it was determined that the prints where left by a dog, admittedly a big one. Dogs have four toes; bears have five.

*Why the presence of an unarmed bear in a city that has more than one murder per day should be a cause for concern is beyond my understanding.