My day so far

Before 0405 - wake up

0405 - look at clock and realise it is 0405

0425 - give up battle to return to sleep

0425 to 0630 - shower, eat, drink coffee, write emails, do some work

0630 - depart for Bromley South

0652 - arrive Bromley South - notice that ALL TRAINS are delayed or cancelled due to "very severe weather conditions in Kent" (this means it got a bit chilly last night)

0659 - my 0704 train to Ramsgate is cancelled but 0736 train to Canterbury West is listed as "on time"

0731 - 0736 train apparently goes missing and is listed as delayed

0736 - 0830 - wait outside the barriers, occasionally popping off for a double espresso, whilst getting buffeted around for 3,127 commuters who, despite the rucksacks strapped to their backs, the kit bags over their shoulder or their hand bags the size of Luxembourg, naively fail to realise that they take up more space their body without the luggage.

0831 - just before going through barriers hear the following announcement: "the train now standing on platform 1 is the 0614 Blackfriar's service.

0832 - share chuckle with woman standing next to me

0842 - board marginally delayed 0736 Canterbury West train

0944 - arrive Lenham where all evidence of "very severe weather" has magically vanished and it is a lovely sunny spring morning.

0958 - arrive work and warn colleagues that today is not a day to fuck with me.

0958 - 1718 - work (it doesn't go very well)

1908 - arrive at the Partridge and begin consuming London Pride. This will continue until morale improves (or chucking out time arrives)

I thought that you should know.

Things that are pissing me off today

I have a pay-as-you-go mobile phone that I don't use very much. Once a month the provider sends me a text message to tell me whether or not I've topped up enough to get free minutes or texts but why, oh why, do they have to send it at quarter to five in the morning???

I'm a bit grumpy today because I got woken up at quarter to five this morning and also because I am bloody sick of Xmas!

Judge goes too far - gets sacked

American Judge Robert Restaino jailed 48 people for contempt after no one would own up to the fact that it was his or her mobile phone that went off during a trial. He did go to far and lost his job because of it but how I wish I had the same powers!

My personal war on Xmas

I saw someone, a bloke nonetheless, on the High Street earlier today who had purchased, on this the twenty fifth day of October, three rolls of Xmas wrapping paper. We haven't even had Guy Fawkes yet. What is wrong with these people?

Things that are pissing me off today! (Actually yesterday to be honest.)

The gas man is scheduled come round next week for the annual check on the boiler.

I wanted an AM appointment and they said they could do that; the man would be around between 8 AM and 1 PM.

I pointed out that is not an AM appointment.

She begged to differ.

Well could I have a PM appointment.

Yes she could do that as well. The man would be around between 11 AM and 5 PM.

Sighing I pointed out that that wasn't a PM appointment.

Again she begged to differ.

After she broke my will I ended up booking an AM appointment anyway.

I'm now off to McDonalds to try and get a small lemonade. What do you reckon my chances are?

Things that pissing me off today!

They are putting up Xmas decorations on Bromley High Street today. It's not even fucking Guy Fawkes yet!

Things that are pissing me off today!

I got on a crowded bus earlier and didn't some snotty nosed young schoolboy offer to get up so I could sit down.

I realise that on my head there isn't hair where they used to be rather a lot and what hair there is contains rather a lot of gray that used to be brown but I'm NOT THAT BLOODY OLD YET, alright?

I feel much better now.

Welcome to CensorWorld

"I saw the best minds of my generation destroyed by madness, starving hysterical naked"

Yesterday was the fiftieth anniversary of the court decision that said that Alan Ginsberg's great poem Howl was not obscene. However now that we are in 1984 2007 the entire broadcasting world is so frightened of the Holy and Christian yet perverted and sexually repressed toss pots at the Federal Communications Commission that WBAI-FM in New York was afraid to air a recitation of the work for fear of bankruptcy should the FCC not agree with the court decision and find the station huge amounts because it uses some naughty, naughty words that no one in Amerika had ever heard before nor have they been heard since.

I have a few choice words for the members of the FCC. You are a bunch of motherfucking, cocksucking, shit-slimed, censorous, small minded, needle dicked wankers! How do you like that? That is fucking obscene OK? The bloody poem is not.

You can read the poem here.

Things that are pissing me off today!

I have decided that the owners of Ipods and various other MP3 players all fall into one of two categories. These are as follows:

• "I am the owner of the only pair of earphones on the planet which prevent nearby people from having to listen to my music when I crank it up to 10"
• "I don't give a shit if nearby people have to listen to my music when I crank it up to 10"