Today's mood

After last night's football hungover and grim. But nonetheless a good season and Crystal Palace really are the perfect side for someone whose sporting loyalties were forged in the unpleasant crucible that is Philadelphia. Palace so often offer great promise; Palace so often fail to deliver (and they're nicknamed the Eagles). Does any of this sound familiar at all to the denizens of the City of Brotherly Love?

Wish us well!

I'm headed down the pub to watch the second leg of the Championship playoff semi-finals. Palace have to find a way to win in 90 minutes at Bristol City to have a chance at the richest match in world sports at Wembley.

Go on you Eagles!

It all depends on what the "great whore of Babylon" means

John McCain's in house radical cleric John Hagee and the right wing American Catholic League have kissed and made up but not in any kind of ho-mo-sexual man-on-man kissing and making up either.

When you have no shame you have no shame

Crooks and Liars has a clip from a 60 Minutes piece about the shameful conditions in which the US government "houses" asylum seekers and other immigrants.

I couldn't help but noticing that the government organisation that provides, or more often fails to provide, health care to these detainees goes by the moniker Department of Immigrant Health Services (DIHS). Funny how those discussing the lack of adequate care provided and their questioners keep spelling out the name as D-I-H-S rather than attempting to pronounce the acronym. I don't know about you but I would probably pronounce it, perhaps appropriately, as "DIES".

America's good economic news

Despite, or perhaps because of, the difficult financial picture facing America the nation's citizen's still love to buy tat; Wal-Mart's first quarter profits are up sharply.

Well, relativity is "just a theory" after all!

Expect the next assault on science and religion by mindless to be on atomic physics now that a letter from Albert Einstein has come to light in which he describes religious beliefs as "childish superstitions". He goes on to say that "god is for me nothing more than the expression and product of human weaknesses, the Bible a collection of honourable, but still primitive legends which are nevertheless pretty childish" and denies the Jews the status of God's chosen people.

Shame. He seemed like such a nice Jewish boy.

"Cause he's got low hopes" (♬)

Captain Codpiece's Legacy '08 Tour is off and running after a brief hiatus. This time he's headed back to the Middle East where hopes are low that his presence will be of any use (other than to make other unpopular politicians look better).

Karl Rove to testify under oath not to testify under oath

Captain Codpiece's former brain (and evil minion) Karl Rove, now a dispassionate television presenter, will not agree to testify under oath regarding allegations that he was behind the politically motivated prosecution of former Alabama Governor Don Siegelman. He didn't bother to note that the motivation behind his decision is that if he testified under oath he might feel bad about lying.

What a relief!

Democratic Presidential nominee contender Barack Obama will be able to get into heaven after all*! He's been spotted wearing a flag pin in West Virginia. Personally I'd rather he hadn't but then any politician pandering specifically to my thinking isn't going to get many votes (especially in West Virginia).

*This assumes, of course, that he isn't a Muslim anymore.

Yet another evil-doer...

...not quite as evil as advertised. The Pentagon has dropped charges of murder and war crimes, related to the 11 September attacks, against Mohammed al Qahtani. the charges were dropped on Friday but the Pentagon didn't get around to notifying the defense team until yesterday.

NEWS FLASH: Anti-Semitism at the INS

A mass raid by the US Immigration and Naturalization Service at the country's largest kosher meat packing plant in Iowa has resulted in between 300 and 600 arrests. Who knew so many rabbis were sneaking across the border under cover of darkness.

Where the hell are all of the kosher hot dogs necessary for a long, hot American summer going to come from now!

"And again I say unto you, It is easier for a camel to go through the eye of a needle,...

...than for a rich man to enter into the kingdom of God." (Matthew 19:24)

This does not bode well as to the final destination of the men and women behind GodTube as they have just had a $30 million cash injection from a London based hedge fund. After all, they were never running it for God; they are running it for filthy lucre!

Here's a little taster. (Funny how this bloke can heal the crippled but can't seem to get rid of his tattoos!) Completely amazing!

I'm sure you've porbably seen it already...

...but in case you haven't here's a little vintage Bill-o O'Reilly. Little has changed he was an arrogant shithead then; he's an arrogant shithead now. As to his appearance I have only two words to say: BAD HAIR!

As we blather on...

...the climate news continues to get worse and worse. The US government's National Oceanic and Atmospheric Administration reports the atmospheric CO2 levels now stand at 387 parts per million and indications are that the planet's nature defenses are losing the ability absorb carbon. If true this would mean that current models, that assume around half of emissions are absorbed by the oceans and plant life, are too optimistic and man made emissions would have to be cut even further.

Whilst all of this goes on we have had the Captain Codpiece presidency, eight years in which the world's worst offender, the United States, did sod all to address their profligate consumption. That will be the real Bush legacy; the lost years.

Living beyond all their means?

Yesterday's papers were full of quotes from Cherie Blair's new book (due out in October) which is being serialised in The Times. The one I found most interesting talked about her anger at Gordon Brown over his refusal to accept a pay rise when first taking office as Chancellor of the Exchequer thereby forcing Mrs. Blair's hubby St. Tony to refuse his as well. The Blairs, despite St. Tony's £110K salary as PM and the missus's around £200K (not to mention the free house and other considerable perks), seemed to be unable to survive on the mere £300 grand they had incoming.

"At the first cabinet meeting of the new Labour government, the new Chancellor announced he was not going to take the salary increase and he put pressure on the others not to accept it either ... I couldn't believe it. All my calculations were based on that increase.

"I remember sitting in the kitchen at Number 10, putting my head in my hands and staring at the now completely redundant financial breakdown, as Tony tried to calm me down. I wouldn't be calmed down. How dare Gordon do that? He was a bachelor living on his own in a flat with a small mortgage."

How dare he indeed!

And speaking of how dare he-s. Today's Times reports that St. Tony rather cynically immediately announced the news of his wife's miscarriage as cover for their delayed holiday plans and to eliminate speculation that the illegal invasion of Iraq was to be pulled forward. What a bastard! But then I believe we all knew that he was, didn't we?

Especially if they don't like being buggered

In what could be bad news for the Tory Party, where Eton old boys are in the ascendancy again, Parliament's select committee for children, schools and families is to investigate whether boarding schools are bad for children.

Coming soon to an Ebay near you...

Jesus in a door.

"I was just in shock, I couldn't believe Jesus was on my door" said Jeromy Douglas of Creve Coeur IL as he was setting up his Ebay account before heading out to church.

Does it look like Jesus? As usual, NO.

1,000 reasons John McCain shouldn't be President

Number 20: He clearly has the endorsement of the evil men who make up the junta running Burma/Myanmar. Why does John McCain hate the Burmese people?

TodayYesterday in infamy - "Jah rules" edition

Somehow I missed that yesterday was the 27th anniversary of the death of Bob Marley. Sorry.

Jim HIghtower wonders why...

...Captain Codpiece just can't seem to say "recession". I reckon it's like French and entrepreneur, there just isn't a word for it in Texan!

Whatever happened to allowing the market to decide?

Captain Codpiece and his evil minions, like most "free market" capitalists, only favour allowing the omnipotent, omniscient and omnipresent invisible hand of the market to work its magic when they perceive said magic to favour their interests and when they perceive that it does not they demand government intervention and control. One wonders what they are so afraid of in the case of Creekwater Farms testing its cattle for mad cow in order to facilitate exports.

Your Sunday Schadenfreude

A military judge has ordered that Air Force Brig. Gen. Thomas W.Hartmann, the Pentagon overseer for the "military commissions" at the Guantánamo Bay Beach and Leisure Club, be replaced in the case of Osama bin Laden's alleged driver because there are "substantial doubts" about his impartiality.

Of course he's not impartial and neither will be whoever replaces him. There can be no acquittals of these clear evil doers!

Is our childrens learning?

To judge by the state of Texas where, thanks to the reign of Captain Codpiece as Governor, they've effectively had No Child Left Behind longer than the rest of the country, it looks as if Mostest Childs Been Lefted Behind with the learning levels of many, if not most, high school seniors are four or five years behind where they should be with many reading at an eighth grade level and/or struggling with simple arithmetic. One can only assume that these kids, who have been failed miserably by their community and their government, aren't going to be joining the "knowledge economy" anytime soon.

'Tis a thing of beauty...

...to watch the omnipresent, omnipotent and omniscient invisible hand of the market at work as the profits of multinational agribusinesses soar as the growing global food crisis drives those poor to desperation. Normal service is resumed.

Ain't gonna play Sadr City

Surge or no surge almost nothing has changed in the impoverished Sh'ia stronghold in Baghdad and American forces remain unable to consolidate their gains. Is there a military solution? Probably not but that won't deter those, like Captain Codpiece and John McCain who believe that there is always a military solution.

"I'm a Big" Dick Cheney's old firm dragged into court over rape

Former Halliburton/KBR staffer Jamie Leigh Jones has been granted leave to sue her former employer over her alleged gang rape in her quarters in Baghdad. Although there was a clause in her contract that drives any conflicts to arbitration the judge held that her living quarters were not part of her "workplace" and therefore not covered by her employment agreement.

Before the Republi-cons try to spin it as a good thing...

...it is not a sign of their excellent ethics that the man hand picked by none other than Senator John McCain to run the Republi-con Convention this summer has suddenly resigned AFTER having had his connections with some of the worst bastards currently running any country anywhere, the junta in Burma/Myanmar, exposed. A sign of their excellent ethics would to have never allowed a man with this clear lack of a moral framework to ever get in that position in the first place. Oh, and a note to Doug Goodyear, it is our duty to ensure that you become a "distraction in the campaign".

Off to drown my sorrows

Yank's Big Day goes pear shaped as at full time it's Crystal Palace 1 - Bristol City 2. We've a big job to do on Wednesday evening. So it's down the pub for me; time for scintillating post match analysis.

Yank's Big Day gets very bad indeed

Crystal Palace 1 - Bristol City 2 - a stunner in injury time from 30 metres out.

Yank's Big Day getting better!

Crystal Palace 1 - Bristol City 1 - Ben Watson calmly from the penalty spot.

The best news out of all of this is that, for reasons I've never understood, away goals don't count.