Let's be packing

Our good friends at America's National Rifle Association want to make sure that we all get to exercise our God given 2nd Amendment rights anywhere, any time, any way. They've talked Senator Tom Coburn (R - OK) into sponsoring a bill that would ensure that we are not prevented from "possessing a firearm in any unit of the National Park System or the National Wildlife Refuge System". Now I've done a bit of poking about and have discovered that once this important piece of legislation becomes law we will be able to pack heat in any number of places where some damn Commie bleeding hearts probably think it is inappropriate, to wit:

• Little Bighorn Battlefield National Monument Montana ("There could be injuns lurkin' there still")
• Death Valley National Park ("I want to go out shootin'")
• Sand Creek Massacre National Historic Site (injuns again)
• Flight 93 National Memorial ("There could be terraists with box cutters still waiting in the bushes!")
• Eugene O'Neill National Historic Site ("O'Neill was a commie wasn't he? What's he got a park for anyway")
• Canaveral National Seashore ("I wanna shoot off my gun when they launch the shuttle")
• Martin Luther King Jr National Historic Site (sarcasm not required)
• Minidoka Internment National Monument ("There might still be some of them Japs hanging about who don't know the war's over.")
• Mammoth Cave National Park (Guns in caves! That sounds like fun Jim Bob.")
• Carlsbad Caverns National Park (ditto)
• Fire Island National Seashore ("I've heard things about Fire Island. It's full of them marriage haters.")
• Statue of Liberty National Monument ("The Frogs might have booby trapped it when they gave it to us."
• Oregon Caves National Monument (caves again!)
• Friendship Hill National Historic Site (I shall allow the irony to speak for itself)
• Independence National Historical Park ("Because the Philadelphia murder rate isn't high enough!")
• Minuteman Missile National Historic Site (sarcasm not required)
• Virgin Islands Coral Reef National Monument ("Spear guns Jim Bob!"

And last but not least in the Nation's Capital:

• Constitution Gardens ("Look out for them activist judges")
• Ford's Theatre National Historic Site ("Did they ever catch that Booth feller?")
• National Mall ("What kinda stores they got there?")
• Pennsylvania Avenue National Historic Site (sarcasm not required)
• Washington Monument ("Can a pack heat in the elevator or do I have to walk up?")

And of course:

• The White House! ("This oughta work out just fine if one of them Demon-crats gets elected!")

I have no doubt that Captain Codpiece will sign this when it gets there!