A bad week for film directors

First Bergman and now Michelangelo Antonioni. R.I.P.

Heh! Heh!

Agents of both the US Internal Revenue Service and the Federal Bureau of Investigation searched the house of Sen. Ted Stevens (R - AK) yesterday. It is not known at this time if any clogged tubes were found.

Just kidding?

CNN has apparently come clean and revealed that their story about terrorist dry runs in the US was basically untrue. It seems that the story was just a dry run for CNN so that they will be able to cover the host of exaggerated and untrue "terrorists on our shores" stories that they will have to cover in the run up to next year's Presidential election as the remnants of the Bush administration pull out all of the stops to ensure that the Republican candidate wins.

Britain to ban marriage!!!

Well, not exactly, but I thought it might get your attention. Actually it looks like the government is headed towards giving minimal financial rights to cohabitating couples and therefore all members of the government are headed for eternal damnation! I'll bet Captain Codpiece didn't know this was on the books or he never would have invited Gordo to his sleepover!

Sinister genetics

Scientists at Oxford University claim to have found the left handed gene which ensures that certain unfortunate human beings, such as myself, will be possessed by Satan and doomed to eternal damnation.

Imagine that!

Some folks don't seem to think that Jihad, The Musical is appropriate entertainment. I suspect that these same people don't approve of The Life of Brian either.

News on the march

The US State Department tells us that press freedom is under attack in the Americas and that pariah states Cuba and Venezuela are leading the way and they cite Reporters sans frontières as their authority.

Let's do some research then shall we? RSF's most recent press freedom index does indeed list Cuba almost on the bottom at 165 and Venezuela fares little better at 115. Fair enough. Curiously however the State Department statement makes no mention of either the US's good friends Colombia and Mexico both of whom rank below Venezuela at 131 and 132 respectively. There is also no mention of the fact that the US doesn't exactly figure well in the rankings coming in at joint 53 along with Botswana, Croatia and Tonga and behind Mozambique, Macedonia and the Dominican Republic.

"I have five A levels...

...Chemistry, French, Economics, Maths and Fruit Machines."

This should not be taken as a sign the British education is dumbing down but that rather it is becoming more inclusive. Trust me.

Despite record Phighting Phils greatest team of all time!

Here's the science!

One for the conspiracy theorists!

Perhaps the Decider(TM) knew something was going to happen on 11 September 2001 and his choice of My Pet Goat tipped his hand. After all "each year, over 6000 people are traumatized by goats in the United States alone" and importantly that "if a child is traumatized by a goat before age five, he/she is five times more likely to become some form of social deviant".

Well it has made me think anyway!

I forgot to think about this

Anti-abortion protesters who've never thought about what should happen to women who have abortions once these folks get their way and abortion is made illegal. A few of them seemed to have talked to God but they didn't talk to Her about this particular issue.

R.I.P

Tom Snyder (and his eyebrows) - 1936 - 2007. He passed through Philly on his way to bigger things. In memory I present his 1981 interview with The Clash.

First degree nimbyism

Out in the heart of the stockbroker belt they like to keep things quite and low key after the terrible stress they have to endure what with fighting over their six figure bonuses and the horrible commute up to London. So it is little wonder that the residents of Ashtead in Surrey are up in arms over plans to convert a six bedroom property on a private road in the village into a residence for the families of armed forces members who are undergoing treatment after amputations at a nearby military rehab centre. These people, as their correspondence to the local council indicates, are rightly concerned that their property values could suffer or that they will be victims of terrorism as rapid lunatics travel from Iraq and Afghanistan to finish off the families of those they have only wounded! To quote some of the letters:

"We pay a premium on our properties to live in as near a rural environment as we can to London, thus enjoying the peace and relative tranquillity that this brings with it, together with a communal sense of good neighbourliness. If No 36 were to be changed into a 'hostel' this would change completely with the constant comings and goings ... similar to a small hotel."

"[T]here is no provision for guarding the premises as there is with other military establishments or for protecting local people either from attack by terrorists, or by those taking revenge, who may themselves have lost family members ..."

I spit in your general direction!

Do we have plans for you

The Republican Party continues to pursue the lowest common denominator as the national party is apparently salivating over the future of Hazelton PA's mayor, Lou Barletta even though the racist anti-immigrant housing ordinance he pushed through has been thrown out as unconstitutional by the courts. After all they've never met a nearly in the closet racist that they didn't like.

Calling Roy Scheider

You presence is required in Cornwall as the Daily Mail tells of the terror that is gripping the English county as a second Great White Shark is allegedly sighted off shore.

There doesn't seem to be an Amity in Cornwall but there is an Amity Restaurant. I wonder if their trade is off all of a sudden.

Aussies stand pat

If Dr. Mohammed Haneef thinks he is going to get an apology from the Australian government over his arrest and detainment for complicity in a British terror plot he has another thing coming. Not only that but the Australian government wants it to be known that they know that he knows that he is an evildoer. They let us know this by letting out some information allegedly uncovered during their investigation but then refused to provide additional details saying that to do so would involve "prejudicing or jeopardising further investigations".

Gone-zo watch (day 131)

One of these days (I hope) US Attorney General and Bush succubus Alberto "Gone-zo" Gonzales is going to realise that he is not going to be able to hang on to his job. He may even realise that it will be unseemly if he has to be carried screaming and kicking like a spoiled child from his office. He had better hurry up and realise those things or he may be carried screaming and kicking from his office.

(To be continued...)

Decider(TM) dissed by single bullet man

On his home turf nonetheless. You go Arlen!

Progress report

MISSION MOST DEFINITELY ACCOMPLISHED! Only one third of the Iraqi population is currently in desperate need of humanitarian aid. A job well done I'd say.

Enough already!

Look - I am not a fan of Hillary Clinton. Not because she is woman but because she is far too right wing for me. However I do have a message to the right wing nuts who seem to think that her cleavage is an issue that should be seriously discussed and likened to steroid abuse. Cut the shit! OK?

Whatever happened "leave no man behind"?

Perhaps the rule doesn't apply to Israeli soldiers who are having a kip.

R.I.P

Igmar Bergman - 1918-2007

From his classic Seventh Seal

Fricking amazing

I'm not sure that Don Frick is the kind of guy I would want to hang around with on a hot, muggy Pennsylvania day. Not because I think there is anything wrong with Mr. Frick, I'm sure he is perfectly nice bloke, but because he has been struck by lightning for a second time. He is obviously a man of few words and the only quote from Mr. Frick is the dramatic understatement: "I'm lucky to be alive"!

They hate us for our pigeons

The Federal Bureau of Investigation and a hazardous materials team were called into action in Washington DC yesterday after suspicions of a possible terrorist attack were raised as dozens of dead birds were found at various Metro stations. It turns out that the birds had indeed been poisoned; by a Metro subcontractor who had forgotten to clean up the corpses afterwards.

I really am sorry but I can't follow your logic

America's ambassador to the (fictitious) United Nations, Zalmay Khalilzad, has accused the Saudis of interfering in Iraq and undermining the nascent government. The solution to this problem is clear to the Bushies, if not to me; sell the repressive country 20 billion USD worth of high tech weapons. WTF?

This could work in America

British police have announced plans to give selected motorists roadside physicals in a move to crack down on stoned driving. Perhaps if this concept were introduced in the states it could be a small step towards introducing universal healthcare.

Perhaps I should ask Michael Moore.

"Sit, Gordon, sit"

I wonder how that awkward first weekend together went for Gordon Brown and George Bush. How did they spend the evening? Did they watch a video together (no pretzels)? Did they go out in the twilight to "clear some brush" together. Do Gordon get invited into the Imperial Bathroom to view the Decider's Colgate? We'll probably never know.

We may not even want to know. I'm sure he slipped back to the cabin, got out the laptop and checked to see how many days were left!

Gone-zo watch (day 130)

In a few hours US Attorney General and Bush succubus Alberto "Gone-zo" Gonzales will begin what is certain to be yet another difficult week. It is a good thing he has no recollection of any of his prior difficult weeks otherwise they surely would be starting to get to him. Well Gone-zo, since you have forgotten, before you head off to the office this morning to sack some insufficiently partisan Republican federal attorneys, you probably should know that there are some who are questioning your truthiness.

(To be continued...)

If the science will not come to the Decider(TM)...

...the science must go away. You gotta problem with that?

Progress report

It is not even August and yet I can comfortably tell you that the "surge" has failed. We may as well pack up and head home in time to head down the shore for Labor Day. How do I know this? Well it was bad enough when all the forces of the (incredible shrinking) coalition of the willing were facing were Sunni insurgents, Shi'a insurgents, Shi'a fundamentalists, Baathists and Kurdish nationalist. We might have been able to be victorious over these forces but now that we are facing Iraqi football hooligans I'm afraid it is all over.

The not-so-Union flag

For those of you who don't understand the complexities of nationality in the United Kingdom before I share this flag related news with you here is a little primer. The official name of the country is the United Kingdom of Great Britain and Northern Ireland; at least that's what it says on the passports. However within the UK England, Scotland and Wales claim to be countries and they are indeed recognised, singly or in various combinations, by a number of international sports authorities. Each of them has their own flags that are sort of incorporated into the national flag. Northern Ireland just claims to be a bunch of counties that don't want to be part of Ireland.

So on to the flag related news. New PM Gordon Brown wants government buildings to fly the Union Flag* everyday and not just on the limited days that used to be the case. The trouble is that Scotland is run by the Scottish National Party, a party that wants Scotland to be a real country and not just for football, and they are opting out of the flag flying thing.

*Despite what you think the national flag is called the Union Flag and should only be called the Union Jack when it is on a ship. I hope you find this message informative.

Peace in their time

Increasing irrelevant US Secretary of State Conocoleeza Rice and some other guy named Gates are off to the Middle East to finally bring peace to the troubled region. They are also going to drop off a whole bunch of weapons; that should be of immense assistance to their efforts.

Evangelical traitors in our midst

A group of thirty American evangelical leaders has sent a letter to the Decider(TM) that says that Jews don't have a divine right to possess all of Palestine. In retaliation John Hagee, an evangelist who doesn't share that opinion, has launched a preemptive strike on Jimmy Carter!

Out, out damn Petraeus!

If Iraqi Prime Minister Nouri al-Maliki has his way the American commander in Iraq, General David Petraeus, won't be around to make present his September report card in November 2008.

Get your wheelbarrows out

The economy of Zimbabwe is in deep trouble. Inflation is running somewhere between 5,000% and 10,000%; I think that is per annum but it could be per diem. But the country's ingenious, if evil, President Robert Mugabe has the answer. He has decided to print more money; that is if he can afford the ink.

In which I trust The Sun

There is a Great White Shark prowling the waters off of Cornwall. The Sun has it all, including video. Just when you thought it was safe, if too fucking cold, to get back in the water.

Edinburgh Festival update

Every year August brings the Edinburgh Festival and with it there is always a bit of controversy. This year we have "Jihad - The Musical". I kid you not.

Not coming to Broadway anytime soon.

"I am not a Weeble!"

Fresh faced young Tory leader David Cameron is looking vulnerable as the polls show a "surge" of support for New Labour under Gordon Brown and he is under pressure from the restless and marginally insane right wing of his party. But he insists he will not "go on a wobble". Atta boy Davey!

Where freedom isn't free

For any of you out there who think we (the US or UK) can even pretend anymore that we are on the side of goodness and light should read this article from today's Observer about the sad story of Bisher al-Rawi, a British resident and MI5 informer, who was kidnapped by the CIA with the complicity of MI5. He was first taken to a secret prison or "intensive interrogation centre" in Afghanistan where he was kept in cell that had no light 24 hours a day and which was unheated even though the temperatures were below 0 C. He eventually ended up holidaying in Guantánamo Bay Beach and Leisure Resort before he was finally released, after more than four years in custody, without charge or compensation.

Gone-zo watch (day 129)

US Attorney General and Bush succubus Alberto "Gone-zo" Gonzales has made it to another weekend still employed. In all seriousness this guy has got to go. There are only two possible explanations for his behaviour and "testimony" before Congress. He is either criminally incompetent simply criminal. However the loony Moonies at the Washington Times have weighed in with a third option; he was sandbagged!

(To be continued...)

Vote early, vote often

Tests in California have revealed (surprise! surprise!) that almost all electronic voting equipment is not secure and is vulnerable to hacking.

What's wrong with paper anyway?

Shorter Pat Buchanan

America is so fucked.

I may have been wrong...

...about tomorrow's headline. It now seems more likely that it will be "20 billion dollars! Yippee!" than "Saudis accuse US of telling lies about Iraq". I'm ever so sorry.

Because somebody doesn't like Sara Lee

More American food recalls this time Sara Lee bread containing metal fragments. Hey, it says "high fibre" right on the label. What's the problem?

Perhaps this might be a good time for a fast or a hunger strike.

But is it supposed to be that colour?

Are Heinz's claims that eating lots of their Cream of Tomato Soup puts puts some sizzle in one's spunk based on sound science?

We report - you decide (not to care).

Proof positive that climate change is happening in San Diego

The ice packs are melting. What do you say to that, eh?

Faith based criticism

John J. DiIulio Jr. was the Decider's first director of the White House Office of Faith-Based and Community Initiatives. In an opinion piece in the Philadelphia Inquirer he suggests that the President doesn't actually mean what he says!

On the meaning of words

A Palestinian doctor who was released from Libyan custody along with a group of Bulgarian nurses is claiming that he was tortured by Gadafy's security forces. I hate to contradict Dr. al-Hazouz and whilst there was a time when Libya was a pariah state and such treatment would indeed have been torture now that the North African country is no longer a member of the "Axis of Evil" these methods are now known as "enhanced interrogation techniques". Any questions?

Free trade is for other people

Brazil is celebrating a decision by the World Trade Organisation that American cotton subsidies are in violation of free trade rules. The US is unhappy with the ruling and are citing their interpretation of some of the fine print in an edition of Adam Smith's Wealth of Nations that only they seem to have access to.

How pissed off would you be?

If your flight was held up for four fucking hours because a couple of Qatari Princesses didn't like their seats!

I don't know about you but I would be really, really, really fucking pissed off.

Standing by their man

The White House has leapt to the defence of Attorney General and succubus Alberto "Gone-zo" Gonzales after he spent a few lying hours on Capitol Hill the other day. I understand their argument to be as follows: if the Attorney General actually told to truth he would be obligated to order the execution of anyone who heard it to protect America from people who don't want him to be Attorney General.

Am I guilty of solecism or am I essentially correct?

Texas Hold 'Em - Crawford style

"I'll see your Karl Rove and I'll raise you a Michael Moore."

And all this before the flop!

Will the last employee of the McCain campaign...

...please remember to turn out the lights? Global warming and all that.

Did Bill-O tell a porky?

Bill O'Reilly was rude to a guest and shut off her mike, saying that he couldn't let her mislead his audience, after she said that there were abusive comments advocating violence on his website. Nothing new there. But will he admit his error? Not very likely I would think.

Remember people have to pay Bill-O five bucks a month for the privilege of threatening Hillary. Do they get a badge along with the privilege or is that extra?

Why is this man not holidaying at the Guantánamo Bay Beach and Leisure Resort?

A man who has confessed to plotting to plant a bomb at a public facility that would have seriously injured and probably killed many innocent people has been allowed to plead guilty to "attempted use of a destructive device". Charges of "use of weapons of mass destruction and the manufacture of explosive material" have been dropped. Why, you ask, is this man getting off so lightly? Well perhaps it is because Paul Ross Evans, who has two previous felony convictions (whatever happened to "three strikes and you're out"?), is white, Christian and was only planning on blowing up abortionists, so that's alright then. Do you suppose he would have received the same treatment if his name was Mohamed al-Tikriti and he was planning on blowing up a Republican rally?

A Google new search for various combinations of Paul-Ross-Evans-terror-terrorist-evildoer yielded exactly zero valid results!

Most Iraqi children left behind

The United Nations is asking for donors to stump up 129 million USD to pay for the education of hundreds of thousands of Iraqi children who have fled the country with the families and no longer have access to education.

It is a real shame that Haliburton doesn't do the education thing because a 130 million USD no bid contract to provide these services would be a real "win-win" situation. I wonder how much Haliburton would charge for a school desk. 5K USD probably isn't high enough.

When ex-friends let ex-friends drive drunk

Proving that she has not yet achieved the status of megastardom that is the right of her former bosom buddy Paris Hilton* reality TV superstarlet Nichole Richie only gets four days in jail for her DUI conviction. That's not enough time to wrangle an early release for the mental breakdown she is sure to undergo due to the incredible suffering her incarceration will cause.

* Note: a Google search for "paris hilton" megastar disturbingly yields "about" 93,100 hits!

When the lights went out on Baghdad

If Assaman out of Iraq is to be believed half of Baghdad has been without power for the past 10 days. Not exactly ideal in the Iraqi summertime one would think. Of course it may explain why the US is no longer reporting on the provision of electricity in Baghdad.

"Yeah man. Jerry used to clean his big, fat arse right here. You dig?"

Thoughtful shoppers will undoubtedly be thinking hard as to whether Jerry Garcia's bidet would make the perfect Xmas gift for the die hard Deadhead on their list before they register their bids.

Wingnuts ♥ Hillary

It seems that a host of white, male right wing pundits are suddenly queuing up to deposit some sort of stain on Hillary Clinton's little blue dress. Why could that be?

Perhaps it is because she is, by far, the most right wing of the Democratic candidates, and would be considered, despite Bill O'Reilly's characterisation of her as belonging to the "hard left", to be well right of centre everywhere but the US. I think that previously labelled her, in British terms, as being on the far right wing of New Labour, which puts her will right of centre, or a left wing Tory. I am glad that the pundits agree with me! (I think.)

The Ballad of George and Gordo

New British Prime Minister is going to pay homage, I mean a visit, to Captain Codpiece this weekend at Camp David. Today's Guardian polls some people in the public arena and asks them what Gordon should say to Bush. My synopsis:

"Red" Ken Livingstone - Mayor of London: "Stop being such a prat!"

Clive Stafford-Smith - lawyer: "Have you ever heard of Martin Luther King Jr.?"

Martha Nussbaum - professor of law and ethics: "You've got daughters. Sort it out will you?"

Shami Chakrabarti - director of Liberty: "Which word in 'human rights' don't you understand?"

George Monbiot - environmentalist: "If your grandchildren live in a horrible word you do know it will be your fault don't you?"

Anne Weyman - Family Planning Association: "And on abortion...you're not listening to me are you?"

The birthmark speaks

Former Soviet Premier Mikhail Gorbachev had some harsh words to say about the "New World Order" that is little more than American hegemony.

"The Americans want so much to be the winners. The fact that they are sick with this illness, this winners' complex, is the main reason why everything in the world is so confused and so complicated," he said at a packed news conference.

Instead of ushering in an era of cooperation with the West, the USSR's collapse put the United States into an aggressive, empire-building mood, he said. Ultimately, that has led the United States to commit a string of "major strategic mistakes," he said.

"The idea of a new empire, of sole leadership, was born," Gorbachev said.

"Unilateral actions and wars followed," he added, saying that Washington "ignored the Security Council, international law and the will of their own people."

It's a good thing he doesn't know what he is talking about or we would be in big trouble.

At least we can all be secure in the knowledge that we have someone trustworthy, thoughtful and diplomatic at the helm of the American state.

Today's headline

"US accuses Saudis of telling lies about Iraq"

Tomorrow's headline?

"Saudis accuse US of telling lies about Iraq"

He's got Balls

Children's Minister Ed Balls is absolutely right when he says that every ASBO is a failure and so is every time a young adult leaves school without qualifications and every time the state has to imprison a young offender.

Good start Ed. Now let's see what you can do!

And now for the weather

Just in case you are interested it is going to piss down on Old Blighty again this weekend. I continue to be thankful that I live on a hill.

"Gordon - you know that's my job damn it!"

St. Tony Blair's successor as British Prime Minister, Gordon Brown, is set to his own Mideast peace envoy even though St. Tony has already been given the job by his good buddy George. Could it be that Mr. Brown hasn't any faith in St. Tony? Perhaps? Just maybe?

"Look Ma! I'm in charge"

For a few hours today US Vice President "I'm a Big" Dick Cheney will undergo surgery to replace a flat battery in his pacemaker*. During this time Vice President I'm a Big Dick will turn over his responsibilities to the Decider(TM) and for a brief time George W. Bush will be running the country.

You have been warned.

*How doctors looked Mr. Cheney's alleged heart in order to install the device in the first place remains an unsolved mystery.

Gone-zo watch (day 128)

US Attorney General and Bush succubus Alberto "Gone-zo" Gonzales got through his time before the Senate by lying his arse off. It is clear that the only one who stills loves Gone-zo is the Decider(TM). There must be pictures of someone doing something untoward with sheep involved.

Meanwhile former Republican administration justice department lawyers are the most recent to write Gone-zo off.

Gone-zo just go please. We are all bored with this!

(To be continued...)

For your Friday listening pleasure

The undisputed King of the Twelve String - Leo Kottke with "Pamela Brown". I once had a terrible crush on a Pamela Brown but that is another story. She married someone else.

Just because you're paranoid doesn't me everyone isn't out to get you

Just what is it with the Decider(TM) and crusades anyway?

Will Big Bird be packing heat?

The "family friendly" at America's National Rifle Association ("Nothing Says I Love You Like a Nickel Plated 9MM Automatic") are offering discount tickets to Sesame Place, an amusement park themed on Sesame Street, in exchange for donations.

You can register your disgust here.

Beware the crows of Sweden

They are dangerous. Trust me! The key quote if from fire office Per Gustafsson: "I've never seen anything like this before."

I should certainly hope not!

I've never really trusted cats

Now I know why.

La mort du Tour?

Is this the end of le Tour de France? Bredley Wiggins thinks so; at least for this year.

Senseless killing

I am willing to reconsider my total and lifelong opposition to the death penalty for crimes such as this!

But will it keep out Anthrax and Megadeath?

"Heavy Metal Filter Made Largely from Air"

In which Ms. Maglalang...

...loses the plot yet again.

R.I.P

Shambo the holy bull has shuffled off this mortal coil.

Do I hear an apology?

Dr. Mohamed Haneef has been released by the Australian authorities and all of the charges against him have been dropped.

Did I mention...

...that Congressional Democrats are pressing hard for a Special Prosecutor to investigate Gone-zo?

Georgie has been a naughty boy...

...and there will be no more missile money until he can prove that he will be responsible with it. Either that or he must demonstrate that there is even the remotest of chances that it might work.

The flight of the pissed-ro-nauts

Weightlessness. Leglessness. What's the big deal?

Perhaps if they put up a "POOL GONE MISSING" poster

There are strange things afoot in Patterson NJ as someone has stolen Daisy Valdivia's swimming pool the other night complete with 1,000 (US) gallons of water. Ms. Valdivia is clearly perplexed.

"I just want to know what the heck they did with the water," she said. Bloody good question. I don't suppose it could have evaporated.

An Irish buttinsky

Another damn Roman Catholic primate (hear that Mr. O'Reilly?) is sticking his nose in where it doesn't belong. Irish Archbishop John Neill has spoken out to criticise the Irish government for allowing US aircraft to use Shannon Airport. To quote the Archbishop: "I feel that the Irish Government have compromised themselves".

Being right can be lonely

My congratulations and support, for whatever that is worth, to 19 year old Ashley Casale of New York and 18 year old Michael Israel of California who are walking across the US in what they call a "March for Peace". They left San Francisco in May and have made it as far as Iowa hoping to arrive in Washington by 11 September.

Their website is here or if you are so inclined send them an email of support at march@marchforpeace.info.

On a lighter note

Peanuts as imagined by someone imagining that they are Charles Bukowski.

The exception makes the rule

Three years ago Captain Codpiece said that he wanted to prevent any further states from developing the means to produce nuclear fuel. As usual he meant exactly what he said. One wonders why India is allowed to be an exception to this. I suspect that he has some super secret reasons that he is not, for national security purposes, allowed to tell us and that it has nothing to do with the 150 billion USD windfall that is heading the way of the American nuclear industry.

As I know that the Decider(TM) himself reads this blog I shall point him towards this link to the Non-proliferation Treaty in case he has mislaid his copy.

Are they talking about me?

Faux attacks!

Because the Sabbath is a day of fire (and other gun related stuff)

What's the matter with Kentucky? The great state is home to the ludicrous Creation "Museum" and now I discover that is is home to the World's Largest Machine Gun Shoot and Military Gun Show. What are you doing 11 October through 14 October? After all flamethrower rentals will be available Friday, Saturday AND Sunday.

Human trafficking in Iraq?

Did contractors working on the palatial US Embassy in Baghdad engage in human trafficking to provide themselves with labour? John Owens and Rory J. Mayberry, two former employees of First Kuwaiti - a US contractor, have testified before Congress that they may have.



Fortunately the US State Department assures us that these two men are just fantasists or, at the very least, no one in the US government has any recollection of anything, ever.

In any case I am sure that these alleged incidents took place before the US signed up to the human trafficking protocol.

Decision time in Washington state

A number of "Christian" pharmacists are suing the US state of Washington over a law that requires them to fill prescriptions for emergency contraception saying that it forces them to choose "between their livelihoods and their deeply held religious and moral beliefs." Well guess what? Sometimes that is exactly what one has to do. As a chemist they provide a public service and the conditions of that public service demand that they actually provide that public service. There are other certainly dozens employment options available to them that might be more consistent with their religious beliefs? Perhaps the state of Texas is looking for a new executioner.

In all seriousness I have, on two separate occasions, had highly remunerated job offers from the defense industry. In both case the jobs paid easily 20-30% above what was available in other industries. I had to make a choice between my "deeply held moral beliefs" and my livelihood. Money had to take the back seat. Should I have been allowed to take the job, at the high wages on offer, and also been allowed to refuse to work on any weapons related projects? Hey, now that I think of it, that sounds like a bloody good idea. I think I had best give my solicitor a ring!

Haven't they got an Da Vinci's to sell?

A group of Roman Catholic parishioners has filed a request to be party to the bankruptcy of the diocese of San Diego as the church tries to find the funds to pay settlements in cases of child sexual abuse. The group wants to prevent the sale of churches and schools because it is critical that the propaganda campaign, especially that aimed at young people who don't know better, be allowed to continue.

Memories of lazy summer days on the Brandywine

Has it really only been 30 years in operation for the Northbrook Canoe Company? It seems like it should be longer than that; perhaps I am just traveling close to the speed of light. Many a fine summer afternoon was spent floating down the Brandywine with a cooler full of beer, dutifully ignored by NCC's employees, and perhaps a spliff or two.

Good to see that crotchety old Zeke is still running it. If my memory serves me well he used to work at Lenape Park before the canoe thing happened.

Hey - that's my job!

Crooks and Liars has a clip of Bill O'Reilly cutting off the mike of Jane Hall saying "I can't let you mislead the audience"; after all as the host of the Bill O'Reilly Show (or whatever it is called) that clearly is his job!

"Has anyone seen my stash?"

The Washington bureau of ABC News was evacuated yesterday after the discovery of a "suspicious envelope containing a white powdery substance". Employees were allowed to return to work after one of the producers admitted it was "just a little something for the weekend". (Just kidding - it was aspirin apparently.)

Welcome to Chicken Little's Iowa

The sky IS falling; at least in Dubuque where 50 pound chunks of ice have been falling from the sky. Now as well all know the sky was carved out of lovely blue ice by God 6,000 years ago. She could not be reached for comment as to this apparent failure in Her design.

100,000 lives wasted

America's comical Creation Museum is packing 'em in. I have no problems with people attending this "museum" as long as they hand in their voter registrations first.

Unfriendly fire

Is there a possibility that Pat Tillman was murdered rather than having been killed by "accidental" friendly fire? Was the investigation into his death a white wash?

I have great confidence that this administration can be trusted to tell us the truth about the incident in the unlikely event that there is anyone in the administration that can remember anything about it.

"She-it, don't the chilis kill that botu-whatcha-callit?"

Stores across the US are continuing to sell products possibly contaminated with botulism even as some of the recalled tins are beginning to explode.

The Decider(TM) keeps his finger firmly on the pulse of the nation

One would think that a President whose approval rating is slightly lower than Satan's would be spending his time on more important things than what tourists are wearing when they take a tour of the White House. One would be wrong.

One the list of barred items: jeans, sneakers, shorts, miniskirts, T-shirts, tank tops and flip flops. (I don't know about flips but there are certainly enough flops in the White House already.)



It is not known if these rules will apply to the twins.

Somehow it doesn't seem like enough

The US Federal Bureau of Investigation has been ordered to pay over 100 million USD in compensation to four men who were falsely convicted of murder after the FBI withheld evidence of their innocence. The men served over 30 years in prison.

I suppose if some of the FBI officials involved did some prison time that might help to even out the balance but I imagine that the statute of limitations has long since run out.

Meanwhile in the Phillipines

President Arroyo is trying to keep the country family friendly as she wages a war against a gigantic amateur porn starlet or as the headline tells us: "Arroyo holds military offensive vs MILF"

Question of the day

What is the problem with these 2.5 million Iraqi refugees that makes them want to flee the accomplishedness of The Mission? We're liberators damn it. Where are the bloody flowers anyway?

Gone-zo watch (day 127)

Suddenly the level of interest in US Attorney General and Bush succubus Alberto "Gone-zo" Gonzales and his extremely defective memory has jumped back up again now that we know he is a liar. I think some of us may have known that already but only because we are incredibly clever! The White House position seems to be that the public and the Congress just can't understand Sr. Gonzales's testimony because it is too complex for them to get their itty bitty brains around.

Meanwhile I think the Democrats finally can smell the blood that Gone-zo has been spewing into the water for 127 days and are demanding that a special prosecutor be appointed. They have also subpoenaed Karl Rove to testify. Earlier this morning I noticed when passing a betting shop that I could have gotten 1,000,000,000 to 1 odds that the subpoena would be honoured!

Unfortunately my optimism that a leader in today's Guardian entitled "Ending the agony: Attorney General" would cause the Decider(TM) to decide to decide (after all how could he ignore the opinion of Britain's leading left of centre newspaper) to can Gonzales was dashed when I found out that the piece was actually some meaningless piffle about restructuring the duties of the British Attorney General. Oh well.

(To be continued...)

Headline of the day

From Radio Sweden we have the execellent "Missing Swede Was Not Missing".

Shorter Ralph Peters

Democracy is for Christians.

S*W*A*K

US Vice President "I'm a Big" Dick Cheney is 100% all heterosexual man as God meant him to be. He doesn't swap spit with other men. If he thinks another man wants to swap spit with him he will tell him to fuck off.

I'm with you all the way on this one "I'm a Big"! I don't like when Democrats invade my personal space either.

Defining the roles in the "special relationship"

The US is the top and the UK is the bottom. Got the picture?

How long is a surge?

How long do you want it to be?

They don't believe in what?

Is there any doubt that this Global Opinion Trends survey, as reported by the Beeb, which claims that support for suicide bombers amongst Muslims has dramatically decreased since 2002 was just made up?

The people surveyed were obviously not real Muslims because we all know that Islam=Violence; just ask the Catholics.

And after we ban the car...

...the patio heater is next! Is there anything more absurd than this device? If it is too fucking cold for you outside then you move inside. How fucking hard is that to comprehend? And if you're going out for a fag put on a jumper!

And in the exciting world of business

It will come as no surprise to anyone who has or does work in the world of business that most of the time those highly paid management consultants are usually just working as project people and not actually earning their ridiculous charges by coming with brilliant new ideas.

On a lighter note do you know what the collective noun for a group of management consultants is?

An INSULT! (Remember you read it here first!)

The hockey news

The ice hockey team, not to be confused with a hockey team, that I support is the Philadelphia Flyers (aka the "Broad Street Bullies"), and they have a new minor league affiliate in the shape of Wheeling Nailers.




If the Nailers logo is any indication I would say that there is definitely some hard core bondage (gay or straight?) going on in the locker room.

Got questions about Iraq?

Well the Heritage Foundation has answers. They aren't very good or accurate answers but they are answers of a sort!

They did what?!

The much reviled American Civil Liberties Union has told a Federal Appeals Courts that a school policy to protect gay students from harassment went too far and infringed on the rights of religious students. The ACLU went further to suggest that it was possible, within constitutional limits, to both protect gay students and allow free speech.

I will now hold my breath as I wait for the Right to notice this and congratulate the ACLU. Please send memorial contributions in the name of "Yank in London" to the ACLU!

Compare and contrast

Samir Sumaidaie is the Iraqi ambassador to the US and he has spoken forcefully about delays in the provision of weapons by the US to Iraqi security forces. In his words: "we have some benchmarks of our own, and this is one of them."

How forcefully the news media interprets the criticism to be clearly depends on where they are sitting. Some see it as foot dragging (Christian Science Monitor). Others see the US as lagging it its arms deliveries (US News & World Report). The Boston Globe says that Ambassador Suaidaie is frustrated. New York's Newsday says that Iraq is calling for arms. This is strongest wording I can find in the US.

Outside the US some media are keeping the lid on the controversy with the Malaysia Star saying that the US must do more and the ABC in Oz also sees Ambassador Sumaidaie as being frustrated. The Arab Monitor from Italy sees Iraq to be at odds with the US.

Much of the rest of world sees the rift as more severe. Ambassador Sumaidaie is said to slam the US in the Melbourne Sun, the Times of India, the New Straits Times (Malaysia) and Al Sumaria RV (Iraq). Al Alam from Iran says that the ambassador blasted the US.

Unsurprisingly Faux News fails to mention the ambassador's criticism at all in their story and instead focuses on his desire for The Surge to go on and on. Go figure.

All we are saying is...

...give really expensive nuclear weapons in defiance of the non-proliferation treaty a chance.

The Pentagon releases its new nuclear weapons strategy.

The full statement (PDF) is here.

In which I add to the President's lexicon

In yet another example of retrospective "planning" a panel appointed by Captain Codpiece has reported back that the current systems of veterans' health care is not up to the job and really ought to be up to the job if you are going to fight two wars at once.

OK George. I am only going to tell you this once (more). Planning happens before; reacting happens after. Got it?

Another misdemeanour - how many is that now?

Just in case the proponents of impeachment, of whom I count myself one, need more ammunition it seems that Environmental "Protection" Agency under Bush is violating the U.S. Pollution Prosecution Act of 1990 by failing to employ at least 200 environmental investigators. Why so many? Surely industry is more than capable of policing itself.

Run, Dick, Run

A newspaper formerly owned by convicted felon Lord Black of Crossharbour, the New York Sun still seems to be enamoured of the idea that Vice President "I'm a Big" Dick Cheney ought to run for President.

But if he does who should be his running mate? Jane or Spot?

It can't happen here!

In a short US government propaganda film, that is unfortunately pertinent today, Ike's brother Milton Eisenhower explains to us why Japanese American citizens were locked up for the their own good during WWII. I don't know what they had to complain about. It looks much nicer that Jesus Camp!

Perhaps the Decider(TM) should decide to decide to commission the lovely Michelle Maglalang to produce a similar film once he decides to decide to (quite rightly and Constitutionally) inter all of America's Muslims and loony lefties!

Who is training whom?

The US military sees more signs of Iranian involvement in Iraq in the fact that the insurgents/freedom fighters/terrorist have started to aim their missiles and mortars.

It is widely believed, although it is totally unreported in the American press, that the Iranians see significant signs of American involvement in Iraq.

Florida's crackdown on Onanism!

A twenty year old Florida inmate has been given an extra 60 days in jail after he was convicted of indecent exposure for having a wank in his cell. For Christ's sake; if they don't want to watch why don't they give the prisoners walls and doors.

The Teen Parent State

The God fearing, abstinence only educating yet still great state of Texas leads the American nation in birth rate amongst teenagers. You have my hearty congratulations.

A message to my fat friends*

I may have to sever all contact and association with you as it seems that your condition is communicable. Do ring me occasionally and let me know how the diet is going though.

*I am not, of course, suggesting that any of my friends are overweight or obese. This is just a title for a post, OK?

The things that keep me up nights

I wonder if mushroom eating vegetarians and vegans realise that fungi aren't actually plants and may in fact be closer to animals than plants. Is there a veggie council somewhere that decides what things are acceptable to eat for vegetarians and/or vegans?

In search of safety from the not-a-civil-war

Iraq's neighbours met in Jordan today to discuss the plight of the nearly 2.5 million Iraqi refugees that have fled the accomplished mission that is their country. There are at least another 2 million Iraqis who are internally displaced. If you look at the map accompanying the article you will not that, despite having the second longest border with Iraq after Iran, loyal American ally Saudi Arabia doesn't seem to have taken in any of them. I reckon that makes the Saudis' behaviour consistent with that of the Americans who aren't accepting any either.

This didn't take long

So the deal was let the Bulgarian nurses go and we'll build you a nuclear power plant, did it?

Has Libya been off the roster of the "Axis of Evil" long enough to qualify? Will they check with Israel to make they don't plan on bombing it before construction begins?

And its number shall be six thrice score and six

The San Francisco taxi commission has bravely voted, by a margin of 5-1, to taxi number 666 on the streets despite the entreaties of its driver Michael Byrne.

The Reverend Jerry Falwell, being otherwise engaged in planning the end of time, cannot be reached for comment at this time.

Le fin du Tour?

Last year the Tour de France suffered a severe blow when the Tour's "winner" American Floyd Landis failed a drugs test. This year has been even worse and one has to wonder if the event can survive after the holder of the yellow jersey, Michael Rasmussen of Denmark, was forced to withdraw from the race by his team over allegations that he dodged random testing whilst in training for the race. Frankly I don't see how any amount of drugs would make be capable of what is required to even finish the event let alone win it.

In related news Kazakhstan seems to be in denial after race favourite, Kazakh Alexandre Vinokourov, failed a drugs test and withdrew. Has Borat weighed in on this yet?

A gramatically correct victory!

As a raving pedant* one of my favourite pastimes is standing in the queue at my local supermarket and grumbling to myself about the horrible incorrectness of the "Five Items or Less" sign above the till. So imagine my surprise when I went into my Sainsbury's to see resplendent new signage that says "Five Items or Fewer"!

I should think that Lynne Truss is rather pleased.

*A note to any idiots reading this post. Please look up the meaning of the word "pedant" before you make up your mind to burn down my flat. Thank you.

All things must pass

Yesterday the US House of Representatives passed a resolution barring the establishment of permanent bases Iraq. Since nothing lasts forever, with the sole exception of George W. Bush's mistaken premise that he is right in all things, I expect the administration to argue that these bases are just temporary.

In the department of unintended irony House Minority Leader called the measure a "meaningless stunt" before voting for the measure along with 171 of his Republican "Stay the Course" colleagues!

Captain Codpiece's seditious ancestor

Now that we know that Bush's grandfather was a confirmed traitor the only honourable thing President Bush can do is resign.

It's a real shame that he was never taught the meaning of honour in all those years he spent at the training grounds of the North Eastern elite he so often disparages; Phillip Academy, Yale University and Harvard University. Perhaps that's why he got C's!

"I'm not an expert" contradicted by "I am an expert"

We can only assume that in a short amount of time the traitorous "expert" Edward Gistaro, the US's national intelligence officer for transnational affairs, will disappear suddenly from the scene, aided by armed men in balaclavas, now that he has had the hubris to testify before Congress and say that al Qaeda in Iraq is not the greatest threat to humanity since the introduction of the birth control pill. He even says that it is not the greatest threat to humanity today!

So long Ed; it's been good to know you.

In which I agree with Michael Bloomberg

The New York city council is fighting back against Mayor Bloomberg's ban on mobile phones in public schools by passing a resolution that gives children the explicit right to carry them to and from school.

According to the council's Speaker Christine Quinn:

"We recognize that those cell phones should not be on in school or during the school day...but they need to have them to and from, and we believe the Department of Education has to go out and figure out a way to make that happen." (Emphasis mine.)

What an absurd argument. How did my and preceding (and I am afraid succeeding) generations ever survive without them? It is probably a good thing I haven't any kids because you can be damn sure that they wouldn't have a mobile at the age of ten or twelve.

R.I.P.

László Kovács - cinematographer - 1933-2007. In addition to the footage of the Russian suppression of the Hungarian Revolt that he smuggled out of his native country he gave us Easy Rider, Five Easy Pieces, The King of Marvin Gardens, Close Encounters of the Third Kind, Mask and Paper Moon. In this day and age dominated by special effects his like will become few and far between.

Diversity weekend at Chequers

A government release tells us that amongst St. Tony's final guests at the Prime Minister's country estate, Chequers, were both Welsh and ginger peoples. It is nice to see that he is finally embracing diversity as well as celebrity!

Ban the car!

A study out of the University of California at Los Angeles links automotive exhaust to atherosclerosis. This association, which I shall hereafter refer to as "second hand driving", should clearly lead to the banning of automobiles from all public spaces and the exposure of car drivers as social pariahs like cigarette smokers. I think that the Decider(TM) should decided to decide to embrace my idea and submit legislation to that effect to Congress straightaway.

Terror in our midst

I certainly hope that American authorities have no intention of allowing these doctors newly trained and indoctrinated by a charter member of the Axis of Evil to practice their evil trade in the Land of Free.

I mean how good can a medical degree be if you haven't paid hundreds of thousands of USD for it?

Does this mean Prince Bandar has to give back the £1 billion?

On the last day before the summer holidays the UK government tried to slip out an announcement that the government's arms exports office is to be shut down. They probably were hoping I wouldn't notice on the same day that Gordon Brown's draconian side was revealed.

Gone-zo watch (day 126)

US Attorney General and Bush succubus Alberto "Gone-zo" Gonzales is a liar, liar, pants on fire!

Next.

(To be continued - hopefully not much longer...)

What am I going to do?

I didn't really give a flying fuck when Paul McCartney signed up to Starbucks' new record label; half the Beatles are dead and it's the wrong half in my eyes.

But Joni Mitchell? I love Joni Mitchell. I recognise that the career hasn't been going all that well of late but why Starbucks? Why now? What were you thinking?

I have an idea

I wonder if there are any good spots on which to site a secret prison in or near Kampala. We're going to have to relocate the Guantánamo Bay Beach and Leisure Resort sooner or later and now that we know that torture is the number 1 human rights complaint in Uganda it would seem to be a natural fit. I'm sure the money wouldn't go amiss even if it does go missing.

He's my single bullet man!

Arlen Specter has been one of my US Senators for pushing 30 years if my recollection serves and the man just makes me crazy. I think I may have even voted for him once in a moment of weakness; hopefully not. I had just about written him off again and now he has to go and be sensible! What am I to do?

I imagine that someone in the party will have a quiet word with him and the he will vociferously deny that he ever suggested a special prosecutor be appointed to investigate Gone-zo.

(Can we start calling this Gonezogate now?)

Career change time

There comes a time in every man or woman's life when he or she suddenly faces a situation that makes them reconsider whether they have opted for the right career. I think that Robert Nichols of Gary Indiana is at that point. He is an anger management consular who suddenly faces domestic violence charges after his wife said that he grabbed her and assaulted her during an argument. Maybe a fresh start is in order for Mr. Nichols. The Reverend Robert Nichols might also wish to consider whether he should give up his ministry as well.

Plea deal off?

It looks as if the sweetheart plea arrangement given to former Israeli President Moshe Katsav that allowed him to avoid charges of rape and not do any prison time might just be in a bit of trouble.

This is not a test of the Emergency Broadcast System

Help! Al Qaeda! Iraq! 9/11! 9/11! Iraq! Al Qaeda! Islam! Men with beards! Help! Run away! Islam! Be afraid! Be afraid! Be very afraid! Terra!

AlQaedaIraq9/11terra!

AlQaedaIraq9/11terra!

ALQAEDAIRAQI/11TERRA!!!!

AAAAAARRGH!

I thought you should now. More "facts" from the Decider(TM) may be found here. Don't forget your duct tape!

Traitor on a stamp!

The US Postal Service are to begin offering a series of postage stamps featuring superheroes from Marvel Comics including Spider-Man, Incredible Hulk, Sub-Mariner, The Thing, the Silver Surfer, the Spider-Woman, the Invincible Iron Man, Elektra, Wolverine and Captain America. Hey! Wait just one minute! Didn't Captain America die whilst resisting the US government's legitimate, necessary and extremely Constitutional anti-terra legislation? What's he doing on the stamps? Does this mean that the evil doers have won? When is the Rapture? Will I need a coat?

We are uncommon criminals

Saying that they will not "allow [their] fighters to be treated like common criminals" right wing paramilitary groups in Colombia (isn't this another of the Commander Guy's success stories?) have pulled out of a peace deal with the Uribe government. Suggestions that the legal fees of these terrorist groups are being paid by Chiquita cannot be confirmed at this time.

Progress report

The governance things is going quite well don't you think? Couldn't Prime Minister al-Maliki just agree to their demands then get his signing orders out?

Would whoever is causing it please stop!

Research that has been published in the British scientific journal Nature argues that human activity is having a major impact on global patterns of rainfall. So whoever you are that is doing this will you please cease and desist? We have had quite enough already if you don't mind.

Supporting the troops

A little over two months ago Fort Lewis in Washington state, home to 10,000 or 11,000 soldiers deployed in war zones, decided that too many of its soldiers were getting killed in Iraq and Afghanistan and moved to having only group memorial services once a month to honour the dead. Today officials at the Army base are to reconsider their decision after numerous complaints from families and soldiers. They are expected to announce their decision around 11:00 PDT (19:00 BST).

I hope they change their minds. Perhaps the Decider(TM) might finally want to attend one.

And now for the science

Researchers at the University of California - Irvine have actually been able to observe the creation of a new memory in the brains of mice. Why wasn't I this smart?

Truth in corruption

Compare and contrast:

Corruption in the US of A means the Vice President convening an "energy task force" that consists solely of those with huge commercial interests in fossil fuels and then keeping the members of the task force and the conclusions secret from the American people. If he told us he would have to kill us.

Corruption in Nigeria means hiring an executive from Royal Dutch Shell to be the oil minister.

I think I prefer the Nigerian way.

The end is nigh!

I am sure that the right wing and the climate change deniers, when and where they are not one and the same, are going to jump all over the study out of Rockefeller University in New York that is being touted as saying that renewable energy "is not green". What I see him as saying is that renewable energy is not practical as a replacement for 100% (or more) of today's energy consumption. I have been saying that all along about bio-fuels and it has clearly been true of hydro-electric sources for some time.

At the end of the day we are not going to tackle the problem with renewables alone and there is going to have to be sacrifice in both the North America and Europe as regards per capita energy consumption and lifestyle. I am sorry if that is inconvenient or unpalatable but I believe it to be the truth. It is also why I am extremely cynical about the planet's chances of get out of this without terrible, terrible difficulty. The level of understanding, concern and altruism required for action to be taken before it is too late simply does not, and I believe will not, exist. By the time the mass of westerners are willing to make these adjusts we will be well beyond the tipping point. Sorry but that's what I think. I wish someone could and would convince me otherwise!

O'Reilly continues to go Kos-nuts!

Bill O'Reilly continues to get his knickers in a twist over Kos. He has obviously cherry picked comments, which he refers to as "posts", and found some unpleasant things as one can on any web site with that kind of volume whether it be of the right or the left.

The one thing I find amusing is continued outrage over the fact that one of the comments he quotes refers to the Pope as a "primate". Well Bill the Il Papa is a primate twice over. First he is, I believe, a human and therefore a member of the order Primates and second as he is the Pope and the Bishop of Rome he is also a primate within the Roman Catholic community. See Bill - a little play on words! Get it? I thought you might if I explained it carefully. I hope you can relax now. Get out the loofah and have a bath - alone of course!

Ethical foreign policy? What ethical foreign policy?

The British government has a list of countries that it views as "countries of concern" as regards their records on human rights abuses. There are 20 such countries on the list including Saudi Arabia, Israel, Colombia, China and Russia. The British government has recently licensed arms sales to 19 of these countries. I am not sure about this but if the US turns out to be the 20th country everything would be explained after all they don't need to import weapons, do they?

The Islamic Republic News Agency out of Iran has a slightly different slant on the story.

When it rains head south

Fresh faced, young yet beleaguered Tory leader David Cameron represents a constituency that is currently being plagued by floods due to the rain that the English Midlands have cursed with recently. So where is the young man; spending his time at home in Oxfordshire helping families bail out there home or is he in Rwanda looking for a spot on the evening news? That is what the Rwandan media wants to know?

Gone-zo watch (day 125)

US Attorney General and Bush succubus Alberto "Gone-zo" Gonzales had a big day on Capitol Hill yesterday and those un-American representatives of the American people gave him a bit of a hard time. They even had the temerity to suggest that he might be being economical with the truth. Don't they get it?! He's been up before them so many times that he can no longer remember what it is he doesn't remember; so now he doesn't remember anything. Give the poor man a break.

(To be continued...below you can see my Senator - the Rt. Hon. Arlen Specer giving the sychophant a hard time.)

Good news from Iraq

The president of Operation Rescue the radical anti-abortion group is to a "historic Christian prayer delegation to Iraq" where he will make sure, whilst safely locked away in the Green Zone no doubt, that no Iraqis die whilst still a foetus.

Has the coup already happened and no one told me?

The White House has, without any explanation, denied Representative Peter DeFazio (D - OR) access to the classified portion of the continuity-of-government plan despite Rep. DeFazio having the requisite security clearance and having followed appropriate procedures for requesting access in a secure room in the Capitol building.

Even Norm Ornstein of the right wing American Enterprise Institute said he "cannot think of one good reason" for the denial to a Congressman who serves on the Homeland Security Committee and went on to say that he finds "it inexplicable and probably reflective of the usual, knee-jerk overextension of executive power that we see from this White House".

Crikey does this mean I agree with the AEI? I think that I'd best sit down for a bit and rest.

How well do you know Tammy Faye?

I got ten out of ten! I think I might be gay. It's a good thing I can be cured, eh?

A sad day in publishing

The Weekly World News is no more! Does this mean that Elvis is really dead?

Wasn't the ankle thingy working?

This didn't take long. The not very talented or very sober actress Lindsay Lohan has been arrested for DUI again just a few weeks out of rehab. She was also arrested for possession of a controlled substance described as a white powder. Oh my. The lives that the rich and famous lead, eh?

WTF alert

The is little doubt that suspected terrorist Jose Padilla is an evildoer. I mean the federal government says that he is and since they know stuff that is too dangerous for us to know we have no choice to believe them. So when federal prosecutors argue that they do not have to prove the existence of a plot for the evil doer Mr. Padilla to be found guilty of conspiracy to murder we have to conclude that they are right and that they have the best interests of the American people, not including Jose Padilla, at heart. It is clear that he is, at the very least, a thought criminal. That's enough for life without parole right?

John Hagee quote of the week

"We are supportive of Israel even if they make decisions that are contrary to what we believe are their best interests."

There's lot of fun stuff to read as well including Gary Bauer pretending he understands the metric system!

Time for action?

Robert Mugabe has been maltreating, abusing and oppressing his people for many years whilst the "developed" world stood by and watched. After all it was only people. However now that he is talking about nationalising businesses I am certain that we can expect swift action. After all people can be replaced but PROPERTY, now that is sacred.

Congratulations Mr. President

A team of highly trained and motivated inspectors has once again failed to find weapons of mass destruction in your digestive tract. Perhaps if they had performed the procedure in the Green Zone in Baghdad they might have had better luck but I doubt it. We didn't find anything there the last time we looked now did we?

He said that?

A senior government official has spoken out to criticise the creeping influence of religion in the public sphere and accused the church of trying to destroy the secular make up of the state. He has also suggested that the church is pressing to "destroy science" and said that continued attempts to force religious education into the schools was an "attack on the state itself". He also said that the church was trying to "claim the right to impose a state ideology".

At last someone is standing up for the secular state imagined by the founders of America! Unfortunately he is in Moscow (Russia not Idaho).

Headline of the week

"Some genitals fit, but what of the duck?"

I have nothing to add.

Progress report

The good news? Iran and the US are talking about the situation in Iraq although it cannot be confirmed that the start of the talks was delayed after the US representative was heard to say "what do you mean they don't speak English?".

The bad news? 26 dead in a car bomb attack.

But they're on the list! The list!

An Italian court has found that Youssef Nada, an Egyptian, and Ahmed Idris Nasreddin, an Eritrean, innocent of charges of funding terrorism and ruled that simply appearing on the United Nations' or European Union's terrorism blacklists does not in itself constitute legal proof that a defendant is indeed a terrorist as such lists are "politically motivated".

But they are list damn it! Of evildoers! Even though Messrs. Nada and Nasreddin have walked free in Italy I think we can be relatively secure in the knowledge that some day soon they will be walking down the street and a huge black SUV with tinted windows will appear out of nowhere. Masked men will shuffle them into the vehicle and they will be whisked away to a super secret location free from the needless impediments of the laws of evidence and guilt where they will have an opportunity to meet Truth, Justice and the American Way!

How dare they!

An "independent" report by freedom haters in Australia has described the tribunal kindly afforded to Australian David Hicks at the Guantánamo Bay Beach and Leisure Resort by the resorts proprietors, the US military, as "farcical" and "shambolic". Just who exactly is this Law Council of Australia anyway? Why isn't it on the list of terrorist supporting organisations?

Whilst the American government has not yet officially responded to this specious and treasonous nonsense a highly placed anonymous source at the Pentagon did say the following:

"9/11! 9/11! Everything changed! Evil-doer! Evil-doer! Terror! Terror! Be very afraid!

Happy birthday!

Today is the 224th of Simón Bolívar; Latin America's liberator.

Rudy's new clothes

Why did no one tell me that Rudy Giuliani had appointed neo-con-in-chief Norman Podhoretz as his "senior adviser for foreign policy"? The folks over at the Corner must be creaming their jeans.

No wonder he wants to bomb Iran; I suspect that they have a less-than-liberal attitude towards cross dressing in Tehran.

The case for a constructionist President

George W. Bush and his allies, all three or four of them, like to say that they believe in "strict constructionist" judges which they contends means a literal interpretation of the US Constitution based on the thoughts and knowledge of the framers at the time they wrote the document but which really means that judges should not interpret the Constitution except in accordance with the political, religious and, if I can use the term in reference to the Decider(TM) without seeming unduly ironic, philosophical beliefs of the President.,

However he does not like to restrict himself to this literal interpretation of the Constitution when it comes to the perceived duties and powers of the presidency. If there is one thing that the framers seemed to unanimously agree on it was that they desired a weak executive with none, or at least few, of the powers that they associated with Kings and Emperors. The President, who is unlikely to have ever read the Federalist Papers or any of the other documents that help us to understand the thinking that went into the construction of the Constitution some years after the United States of America became a free country. He clearly does not understand the document's roots in English Common Law hence his total disregard for the right of habeas corpus. One suspects that perhaps his Attorney General does not understand this, or at least does not wish to understand it, as he has pointed out that habeas doesn't actually appear in the Constitution as a right; the framers would have felt that it was so basic that this inclusion was completely unnecessary.

What George really seems to want is an imperial presidency; one in which he says something and that is the end of the argument. His pronouncements simply trump anything that comes out of any other branch of government. He has ruled checks and balances extinct; perhaps he would term them "quaint".

Well it is time that we returned to a presidency whose powers are more in line with what was envisioned two centuries and a bit ago; where the president serves at the pleasure of the people; where the president is a servant of the people and not the other way around.

So that's Laura, one of the twins, Barney and who else

It is a good thing that the Decider(TM) long ago decided to decide to disregard the opinions of the people that he works for because his approval rating has fallen yet again and is now hovering, if that is an appropriate word for a rating this low, at 25%!

Entire of itself

The bad weather and flooding continues in Britain with more rain predicted for the midlands tomorrow. The worst of the flooding is in the west with the lovely and ancient market town of Tewkesbury now more or less an island.

I remain thankful that I live on a hill.

Witches 1 - Developers 0

A coven of witches and wizards in Leicestershire has won its battle with developers Hammerson over the name of a £350 million pound shopping mall they are building in Leicester. The firm had wanted to name the centre "Highcross Quarter" but the coven objected as that is the

But that provoked the ire of a local coven of Wiccans, witches and wizards who use the name because it refers to a special date or dates in the pagan calendar. The developers have finally backed down and agreed to change the name to "Highcross Leicester".

I have emailed the Rt. Rev. Robertson and I eagerly await the reply of our Lord Jesus (as channelled through Rev. Robertson) on this appalling development!

Globalisation and you

The Financial Times on Sunday published the results of a poll related to attitudes towards globalisation in five wealthy European nations and the United States. Some of the results might surprise you.

Do you think globalisation is having a positive or negative effect on your country?

UK positive 15% negative 53%
France positive 18% negative 53%
Italy positive 25% negative 553%
Spain positive 17% negative 54%
Germany positive 36% negative 42%
US positive 17% negative 45%

Do you think that the income tax structure in your country correctly taxes those who earn the highest incomes?

UK OK 16% Higher tax 58% Lower tax 8%
France OK 23% Higher tax 52% Lower tax 11%
Italy OK 13% Higher tax 62% Lower tax 18%
Spain OK 14% Higher tax 66% Lower tax 5%
Germany OK 20% Higher tax 63% Lower tax 7%
US OK 12% Higher tax 61% Lower tax 10% (Are you listening George?!)

We're not so far apart as one might think.

The complete results (PDF) can be found here

It's who you know

If you are one of the nearly 4.5 million Iraqis displaced since the illegal invasion of your country you are likely to either be living, in relative destitution, in an unfamiliar part of your country or in Iran, Syria or Jordan.

If you are lucky, I mean really really lucky, AND you know someone with influence you could be one of the 63 Iraqis given refugee status in the US in the post invasion period.

Shameful isn't it.

Gone-zo watch (day 124)

Using the argument that he broke and he is going to fix it damn it US Attorney General and Bush succubus Alberto "Gone-zo" Gonzales has has vowed to remain in his job until the Justice Department is once again respected by the American people or the Rapture whichever comes first.

Elsewhere Gone-zo is scheduled to appear before the Senate Judiciary Committee again today where the theme will be "what did the Attorney General forget and when did he forget it". A good time should be had by all!

(To be continued...)

J'accuse!

For the couple of weeks the commutation of the sentence of convicted felon Irving Lewis Libby by the President of the United States has been festering inside me the way a bowl of gnocchi sits in your stomach. I finally realised that this perverse and offensive action by the president of my country was the final straw and that I must firmly stand for his removal from office. I do not care if he goes of his own free will through resignation or whether the American people have to kick him into the street through impeachment.

Why do I feel this way? I think my justifications fall into two separate areas: I believe that he has broken the law of the United States and international law as well and that he has repetitively and disdainfully betrayed the trust of the American people to whom he is ultimately responsible.

First of all what are the circumstances in which I believe that he has broken the law.

1. I believe that Mr. Bush and officials of his administration intentionally distorted facts as they knew them and lied to the American people in order to "justify" an invasion of the sovereign nation of Iraq; that this invasion was not approved or ordered by the United Nations Security Council making it a violation of the United Nations Charter, to which the US is a signatory, and therefore in violation of Article VI of the US Constitution.

2. That Mr. Bush authorised US intelligence agencies including, but not limited to the National Security Agency and the Federal Bureau of Investigation, to violate the privacy of American citizens by circumventing court protections, including evading those mechanisms especially created for the purpose of allowing the government great latitude for surveillance in anti-terrorist operations, through illegal wire tapping and other electronic methods of surveillance.

3. That Mr. Bush violated US and international law by authorising the abduction and imprisonment without charge, counsel or trial nationals of other nations both witin and without US territory.

4) That Mr. Bush violated US and international law by authorising the extreme treatment of foreign nationals and US citizens under interrogation by American military and intelligence forces including the use of methods that qualify as torture.

5) That Mr. Bush has violated the provisions of the US Constitution wherein Congress is responsible for the development and passage of legislation and the Executive is responsible for enacting and enforcing these laws by using "signing statements" to prevent the implementation of specific provisions laws that were legally passed by representatives of the American people, which he signed into law and which he, like all other Americans, is obliged to obey.

Secondly these are the circumstances in which he has violated the trust of the American people (order not significant):

1) By allowing his Vice President Dick Cheney to secretly convene an "energy task force" in which only those with significant commercial interests were represented and also by allowing the Vice President to keep the subject matter discussed and the conclusions reached hidden from the American people who he has sworn to represent.

2) By the intentional suppression of dissent and free speech on occasions when he was acting or speaking as the President of the United States, rather than as a private individual or even a political candidate, through manipulation of attendance and the repugnant creation of "free speech zones" where protesters and any who refused to sycophantically follow the President's agenda were isolated from the President, from the media and from the American people.

3) Through the commutation of the custodial sentence given to former highly placed White House aide I. Lewis "Scooter" Libby, which was well within the sentencing guidelines that his Attorney General has admonished judges to treat as a minimum, for the obstruction of justice and lying to Federal officials. We, the American people, rightly expect our public servants to adhere to both the letter and spirit of the law as they perform their duties and, when found guilty of violating the law, we expect them to pay a higher price for any violations than an ordinary citizen would pay for the same offence not to suffer a lesser punishment.

4) That the administration under President Bush has continually suppressed scientific findings and edited scientific materials, paid for by the taxpayer, to fit a narrow political agenda. This is clearly a broad strategy of the President and his staff and has been executed across virtually even government department. This manipulation of science has led or may lead to distorted policies in areas as diverse as climate change and reproductive health.

5) That even before he was elected he violated the basic principles of democracy that arguing that it was more important to have an election result that to ensure that the votes of all citizens were counted; and through winning this argument becoming President against the wishes of the majority of the American people.

6) Through the politically motivated sackings of several US Prosecuting Attorneys attempted to divert the Justice Department from its primary responsibility, the rule of law and the US Constitution, and to make it a vehicle of political manipulation.

So Mr. President I ask you to consider your sins; to repent your sins; and then resign.

Should you refuse to do so I feel obligated to demand that the US House of Representatives do its duty and find that you must face an impeachment trial on these high crimes and misdemeanours.

In any case you must go. You must go now. You must take your underlings with you.

I bid you adieu!