Now why didn't I think of that?

"It is sometimes asserted that if human bones aren’t found with dinosaur bones, then dinosaurs and man didn’t live together. Creation scientists point out that this is a false assumption; if human bones aren’t found buried with dinosaur bones, it simply means they weren't buried together."

Found in the ever so enlightening Conservapedia article on dinosaurs. (Subtitle - "Why the Flintstones Isn't Fiction)

Department of "who says Americans have no sense of irony"

Without further comment I give you an article entitled "Celebrities Unqualified to Give Political Endorsements".

Want to know who wrote it? One Pat Sajak - either with or without Vanna White's help.

What's wrong with Indiana?

Compare and contrast.

Indiana

Sweden

I'm going for Sweden.

Dear Rupert

I thought you might be interested in this idea for a reality TV programme. You won't need any writers and you already have great contacts with most of the "stars" you would need for the show. Now that former Attorney General John Ashcroft has volunteered for waterboarding you could make a whole "reality" series out of former Bush administration officials having interrogation-methods-that-clearly-aren't torture demonstrated on them.

After the initial series of say a dozen shows (Karl Rove, Colin Powell, I. Scooter Libby and others all come to mind) you could also have a one off Xmas special after Captain Codpiece leaves office where user submitted methods are tried out on the Captain and his sidekick "I'm a Big" Dick. There could be a premium phone in line which viewers could use to select the techniques that would be proved not to be torture after being used on these two fine gentlemen. I smell big money!

I think you could also sell it to Sky. I know lots of folks over here that would pay to watch it.

Should you decide to go forward with this idea I will forward you my bank details so that you can pay in say a 5% royalty.

Yours in the torture business.

Yank in London

Why don't we just as Texas to secede?

It really would make things simpler and it used to be a country of its own. Why not be one once again?

The head of Texas's state science curriculum, Chris Comer, has been more or less forced to resign after having been accused of "creating the appearance of bias against teaching intelligent design". Of course Ms. Comer should have been forced out for having such a position. She was not nearly strong enough and instead should "created the appearance of forbidding the teaching of intelligent design in an intelligently designed science curriculum".

While we're at it let's ban maths too! And what about physics? Gravity is just a theory after all! These needless courses, that only cause many children to get left behind (because they are harder than memorising the Bible), can be replaced with Bible study and Witnessing.

America no longer makes much of anything. Does anyone care to think about what is going to happen to the economy of this nation of 300 million plus people when those 300 million plus people are not longer capable of thought?

More here and here.

Shorter Charles Krauthammer

"Once again I am proved absolutely right, as long as you ignore the facts!"

Operator get me Jesus

Republican presidential hopeful Mike Huckabee has a direct line to God. No, really, he does.



(Via Rolling Stone)

The good fatwa

Iraq's most venerated Shi'a cleric, the Grand Ayatollah Ali al-Sistani, has issued a fatwa barring the killing of Iraqis and makes special mention of Sunni Iraqis. His is quoted as saying:

"I am a servant of all Iraqis, there is no difference between a Sunni, a Shitte (sic) or a Kurd or a Christian".

This is clearly important news and may be a meaningful step towards a reduction in the sectarian violence that has lead to widespread ethnic cleansing and added to the numbers of exiles and the internally displaced.

God kills

It is always tragic when someone dies an unnecessary death. It is doubly tragic when that person is young and should have a long life in front of them. The scope of the tragedy is beyond measure when the person is young and dies because of a decision based on beliefs that they have had brainwashed into them. We should all mourn the unnecessary passing of 14 year old Dennis Lindberg of Washington State who died because the Jehovah's Witness belief system that had been pumped into him by his aunt and legal guardian told him that he should not have the blood transfusion that would have saved his life.

Shame on anyone around this, undoubtedly brave young man, who stood by and allowed this murder, and that is clearly what it is, to happen. This is inexcusable and how those who were responsible for this young man's well being can escape prosecution is beyond me. As far as I am concerned this is no different than using religion to justify any killing including acts of religious inspired terrorism, be they the bombing of abortion clinics or flying airplanes into skyscrapers. This should not be allowed to occur to a minor in the name of religious freedom. Where are the right to lifers on this bloody issue?

Anyone who disagrees should go read the chapter from Christopher Hitchens's book entitled "Is Religion Child Abuse?". Then I suspect that your head will explode.

Today in infamy - Sarf London edition

Seventy one years ago today London's famed Crystal Palace, originally erected in Hyde Park for the Great Exhibition of 1851 and later moved to Sydenham burned to the ground. (Did you know that crystal could burn?) We are left with a town named Crystal Palace that hasn't got a palace of any sort, a park named Crystal Palace without a palace of any sort (but with some Victorian dinosaurs!) and a rubbish football team, which I support, that plays in South Norwood.

Israeli Prime Minister threatens to wipe Israel off the map

At least that is how I interpret his statement that if the two state solution fails Israel, at least in its current racist form, will "disappear".

I"f the day comes when the two-state solution collapses, and we face a South African-style struggle for equal voting rights, then, as soon as that happens, the State of Israel is finished".

Well God willing he will be able to maintain the current state of play in which some are very much more equal than others.

Supporting the troops

The surge comes home.

Don't you D.A.R.E.!

The police department in Suffolk County New York is dropping the much vaunted D.A.R.E. school anti-drug programme because it doesn't work. Now if we could just put local police in charge of America's school sex education we might get somewhere.

Does Blackwater's Iraq record deserve an asterisk?

Among other problems it seems as if many of Blackwater's hired killers are pumped up on steroids. No wonder they can't find anyone to play their baseball team.

"But I've really got to pee"

Not this is what technology should be used for. Westminster Council have launched a text based service, costing 25p to the user, that will direct you to the nearest public convenience.

The downside of this is that given how many public toilets Westminster Council has shut down you may be directed to somewhere in Cardiff.

Not exactly hard time

Today's headline of the day comes from the Guardian and tells us "Berezovsky jailed in absentia". I think that this is taking the virtual world just a little too far. I cannot see this being very effective as a deterrent.

Is that a vote in your pocket or are you just glad to see me?

Parties in Thailand stand accused of handing out Viagra in exchange for votes in the upcoming (pun not intended) election. A happy electorate is a docile electorate.

Dead or alive?

Peggy Fossett is an impatient woman. She is unwilling to wait the normal period to have her husband, multi-millionaire and adventurer Steve, declared dead. Mr. Fossett disappeared after his plane went missing in September and Mrs. Fossett has asked a court in Chicago to declare him dead. I am certain that the value of Ms. Fossett's estate being in the hundreds of millions of USD has no impact on Mrs. Fossett's decision. It may help Mrs. Fossett's argument that the Guardian has just published her husband's obituary. However the website Dead or Alive has, as of yet at least, failed to take the same decision.

Am I bid One No Trump?

As I noted yesterday The Donald's plans to build a £1 billion hotel & golfing complex in Scotland were scuppered after Aberdeenshire council failed to give it approval. Today's Guardian quotes George Sorial, Trump's international development director as saying that The Donald was "very shocked" and angered that council had "chosen to protect a pile of sand". Mr. Sorial put forward the argument that the Trump team was "not arrogant" and then immediately disproved his thesis by saying:

"It may be incomprehensible to smaller minds, but we have always set high standards. We presented them with a plan and hoped they could open their minds, but it was too much for them." (Emphasis mine.)

There is little doubt that Mr. Sorial is working for the right man, is there?

Think of the children!

The good folks at Faux News are outraged, outraged I say, over an art exhibit at the New York Public Library that includes faux mug shots of Captain Codpiece and "I'm a Big" Dick Cheney. Intellectually challenged Steve Doocey was worried about "little kids thinking, 'Oh, is that a picture of my president?'".

What about little kids turning on Faux News and asking there parents "is this really news?" Steve? How could they possibly answer that one?

There's always a cynic, isn't there?

Just to make sure that no one gets too elated over this story that tells us that for the first time in a quarter of a century Americans aren't getting any fatter the story contains the following quote from Glenn Gaesser, a physiologist at the University of Virginia: "You can only get so fat".

He really knows how to ruin a mood doesn't he? I think I better have some Twinkies and think about it.

It is official!

Any attack by the United States on Iran "would throw the Middle East into chaos while leaving Iran’s nuclear program largely intact". Don't believe me? Ask Newsmax.

"So what's the inflation number this month?"

"We don't know. We haven't found anything to buy."

Something has to happen to rid Zimbabwe of Mugabe and it has to happen soon.

A defence I will never use!

Not because it isn't, possibly, maybe true but because I wouldn't use it. However Michael Carney of Stockton-on-Tees had no qualms about attempting to argue that his willy was too small for him ever to wave it about.

I never expected more less from them

Is anyone surprised that Faux News has titled an interview with the head of Hamas Mahmoud Zahar "Dr. Terror"?

WARNING: the following post contains maths

Does one hundred minus fifteen hundred equal victory in the Eternal Global War on Terra?

Breaking Schadenfreude alert!

Plans for Donald Trumps proposed £1 billion hotel complex in Scotland have been rejected by Aberdeenshire council.

Have I ever told you how much I like the Scots?

Now he can take his bloody comb over (we know you're bald Donald) and go home!

"The good news is....

...you don't have cancer - yet - but I wouldn't have any more CT scans if I were you."

But not if the technique is administered by a woman undressed as Justice!

Former US Attorney General and confirmed mammophobe John Ashcroft has told students at the University of Colorado that he is willing to be waterboarded if only to prove to them that the technique is not torture despite what the US military says. I see no reason to argue with him!

"I'll be out back clearin' brush if ya'll need me"

In an effort to save the planet from the scourge of global climate change Captain Codpiece has opted to telecommute should he be needed to bring peace to the Middle East. He hasn't been to Israel since he was Governor of Texas.

If you have their 36,000 pints of Guinness...

...Guinness would like them back.

And what better occasion to share the latest Guinness ad with you!

I'm still waiting

When those of my friends from the American Christian right have finished defending Richard Dawkins's right to publish his book in Turkey I am certain that they will want to attack Dutch MP Geert Wilders for his anti-Qu'ran movie!

When will Richard Roberts be sectioned?

Now the voices in the head of the former president of Oral Roberts University are telling him to do stuff. How long before they tell him to buy an assault rifle, dress up like a postal worker and go to a shopping mall or even worse run for President of the US?

Flying whilst ethnic

The members of calypso band who were escorted off of a Ryanair flight in Sardinia because another passenger alleged that he or she had seen a blind member of the band reading a newspaper and therefore he must be a terrorist who was only playing blind are suing the budget carrier. I hope they bloody win. (Why are the accusing passengers never the ones escorted off the plane?)

Isn't this why the wing nuts attacked Carter and Tutu?

If I am reading this correctly isn't increasingly irrelevant US Secretary of State Conocoleezza Rice comparing Israeli treatment of the Palestinians to apartheid?

"OK Bullwinkle I need you to blow into this here balloon"

Today's touching Xmas story comes from Anchorage Alaska where a bull moose got pissed, tangled itself up in Xmas lights and hung out outside of a bar hoping a fetching young cow moose might happen by.

Judge goes too far - gets sacked

American Judge Robert Restaino jailed 48 people for contempt after no one would own up to the fact that it was his or her mobile phone that went off during a trial. He did go to far and lost his job because of it but how I wish I had the same powers!

This year's must have Xmas present

The Pet Rock Baby Jesus. (Personally all I see are some yellow dots on a pebble.)

The good, the bad and the surprising

The good news: On Monday US Vice President "I'm a Big" Dick Cheney was found to have an irregular heartbeat.

The bad news: "I'm a Big" Dick's irregular heartbeat was fixed by his taxpayer financed medical care.

The surprising news: "I'm a Big" Dick has a heart.

Bienvenue à un automne long et chaud

As if he hadn't enough difficulty with the strikes French President, and recently appointed Bush succubus, Nicolas Sarkozy now has to face riots in the banlieues.

Mum's gone to Iceland

And now we know why.

Question of the day

Now that Pakistani military dictator Pervez "The General" Musharraf is officially Pakistan's civilian dictator what everyone wants to know is - what will Bush call him now? After yesterday it is obvious that he won't be able to get "Pervez" out of his mouth (although we all would get a chuckle when he called him "Pervert"*). So what is it going to be?

*How he ever managed to talk about Iraq allegedly buying uranium from Niger without the obvious mispronunciation I'll never know.

In which I posit that God disagrees with Herself

It is certainly clear from the Bible and the position of the Israeli government that God gave Palestine to the Jews and only the Jews so help Her God. So why is the Vatican suggesting otherwise? I looked but failed to find an explanation at the American Catholic League.

Something rotten in American jurisprudence

How is it that one can end up with a sentence of five years or more for possession of a little marijuana but manage to get away with only one year after stealing millions, defrauding the US government and financing a member of the "Axis of Evil(TM)"?

Who will the Democratic candidates be voting for?

Senator Joe Biden of Delaware, coincidentally the state where I was born, apparently.

How did I miss this?

It seems that I agree with Captain Codpiece on one little thing (and even then I have to infer what he meant). In his opening statement at the Annapolis "peace" conference before he left to clear brush he said the we need "to confront terrorism and incitement, whether committed by Palestinians or Israels". (Emphasis mine.) Predictably, and to my great personal amusement, this has made Pam's head explode. Captain Codpiece is now guilty of a blood libel and will not be offered the opportunity to have Pam bear his children.

I reckon he's blown his chance there.

Just in time for Xmas!

Republican presidential hopeful Mitt Romney has launched his own panto.

"I didn't say that!"

"Oh yes you did!"

Unanswered question. Do Mormons celebrate Xmas?

I'm waiting

I am certain that all of those on the American right who feel so strongly about free speech issues that they laudably leaped to the defence of the Danish newspapers after the publications of the cartoons of Mohammed and also of Nobel Prize winner Orhan Pamuk over his difficulties in Turkey as regards the genocide in Armenia are certain to be in the forefront of the fight to defend Richard Dawkins as his publisher faces an investigation, once again in Turkey, over his book The God Delusion.

That's funny. I can't hear a thing.

People who read are people who think

And that, in the eyes of the Bush administration at least, makes them dangerous people indeed. Fortunately they have had to withdraw a subpeona that they had filed against Amazon.com that would have forced them to divulge the identities of over 20,000 people who had bought used books using the company's portal.

It would be worse to not have a war in Iraq than to live in a yurt

Don't believe me? Just ask ideologically challenged Tucker Carlson. (How the hell did he ever get a job on the telly?)

Oops!

The Yanks just don't get that hearts and minds thing do they? They managed to kill at least 14 Afghan road workers in an air strike yesterday. Rumours that the air strike was called in by the Afghan Road Workers Union because the workers were actually working cannot be confirmed at this time.

Peace 2008! (But will England qualify?)

I don't know why any of our prior Presidents didn't think of this. Captain Codpiece has managed to get the Palestinians and the Israelis to promise to make peace before he leaves office. I reckon no one has ever tried treating the two sides like misbehaving school children. I wonder if he read them My Pet Goat first.

If this works maybe he'll get one of them there Nobel things just like Al Gore.

Mighty mouse II

Well technically they are calling it a Super Mouse but why quibble over details.

If it's November it must be Pennsylvania deer hunting season

And that can mean only one thing: it's not a good time to be a hunter in Pennsylvania. I certainly hope that the man who shot himself in the foot took the foot to an official foot tagging station. I'm sure that he wouldn't want to jeopardise his foot hunting licence.

First we'll talk a little talk...

...and then we'll kick a little arse. Why Israel's "longing for peace" with their Palestinian subjects neighbours can't be taken seriously.

Your tax pounds at work

Sometime next April the 147th inquest in the death of Princess Diana will end. We will then know nothing that we did not know before, at least as regards the cause of her death, and the British taxpayer will be out about £10 million.

Thanks very much indeed Mr. al Fayed.

A voice to be listened to

Today's Independent carries an excellent article about and interview with Ayaan Hirsi Ali the Dutch immigrant whose life has been threatened in the Netherlands because of her outspoken apostasy from Islam. What her right wing American supporters fail to notice is that she is an articulate voice speaking out against not just fundamentalist Islam but religious fundamentalism of all varieties.

Can't you smell that smell?

A lorry carrying chicken fat on the Eastern Shore of Virginia leaked onto the roadway due to an open valve for around 20 miles before the driver noticed. At least four road accidents resulted and I don't even want to think about the smell.

Department of not really news

That up and coming superpower and member of the axis of skin cancer the Bahamas is to ratify the nuclear test ban treaty. Perhaps the world would have to more to gain if someone would work on getting China, India, Iran, Israel, Pakistan and the United States to sign up.

Today in infamy - short person's edition

Sixty four years ago today Randy Newman was born and the lives of short people have never been the same. (In the department of "do they know something that we don't" I note that the MTV website lists his active years as 1967 - 2009!)

And another thing that's wrong with socialised medicine

Once America surrenders to the forces of darkness and adopts socialised medicine (I'm sorry to say that it is inevitable) we should expect to see things like this happening more and more. Patients in hospice care who are covered by Medicare and therefore feel liberated from the influence of the omniscient, omnipresent and omnipotent hand of the free market seem to think that they can take as long as they want to die. Adam Smith must be spinning in his grave like a top.

Are they or aren't they?

Scientists say that flying foxes in Australia are dying in droves due to the effects of global warming. Australian farmers beg to differ.

Rest in peace

Dr. J. Robert Cade, formerly of the University of Florida who gave the world Gatorade has died at the age of 80. I hope he didn't die of thirst.

Today is Jimi's day

On this date sixty five years ago a blessed event occurred, Jimi Hendrix (my personal saviour) was born, and the universe has never been the same.

Today in infamy

Nine hundred and twelve years ago today Pope Urban II launched the Crusades and we've been living side by side with Muslims in peace ever since.

This wouldn't have happened in Texas

Some members of the legally elected Iraqi government don't understand why the unelected government of Iraq in Washington is holding up their executions. Perhaps Captain Codpiece thinks Iraq is already a state and therefore the Supreme Court ordered moratorium applies.

Headline of the day

"'World's largest elk' to be built in Sweden.

Please form an orderly queue at the Indiana border

Apparently there is a legal hallucinogen growing wild in Indiana known as Salvia divinorum. After smoking the wild plant users claim to understand what a Hoosier is.

The only question I have is...

...is whether Frank Gaffney is the Wanker, Toss Pot or Low Life Scumbag of the Day for:

a) Having the utter audacity to compare the "peace" talks in Annapolis with the despicable rapes of young patriotic woman by young unpatriotic men at the US Naval Academy

and

b) Managing to suggest that it is the Israelis rather than the Palestinians who will get violated if anyone does

(Does this make me an anti-Semite?)

"Hey buddy! Wanna buy some fear?"

They'll probably throw in the Hummer for free!

fear sells

I wonder what Rocky Raccoon will make of this

As if we needed further proof that the United States of America is becoming Satan's playground it now seems that Gideon Bibles are disappearing and in some hotels being replaced by condoms! Maybe the Gideons should open their own motel chain. They would have to forego having a tariff of hourly rates though.

What I won't be having for my tea tonight

I love curry. I love German wurst. Nonetheless I find even the idea of a currywurst repugnant no matter how hard butchers in Berlin are working to ensure it remains their own!

Why it pays to read carefully

I initially thought that the headline to this story read "Hundreds Protest Missionary Position". I could not have been more wrong.

Well he's The Decider(TM) not The Listener after all

Captain Codpiece will be at the opening of the Middle East "peace" talks in Annapolis today but he won't be sticking around to actually listen to anyone. And why the hell should he? I'm sure God has already whispered in his ear and told him what to do!

Praying for war

There was a demonstration by hardline, rightwing Jews at the wailing wall in Jerusalem today in which they prayed for the failure of the (already doomed) "peace" talks in Annapolis MD.

Nice eh?

"Because if he lied to Scottie that means he would lie to me and..."

Courageous White House spokeswoman Dana Perino ensures us that Captain Codpiece would never have lied to Scott McClellan, off the record of course.

The passing of a Thin Man

Being the Dylan devotée that I am I don't know how I missed this. Jeffrey Owen Jones, a professor at the Rochester Institute of Technology and believed to be the model for Mr. Jones in "The Ballad of a Thin Man" passed away earlier this month.

Are you listening?

Despite Iraq, the crimes against humanity, the handing over of America to corporate interests and rape of the Bill of Rights I believe that the true legacy of the administration of Captain Codpiece will be eight wasted years; a period when the world's biggest producer of greenhouse gasses, by a significant margin I might add, did absolutely nothing to address its responsibility for the potential catastrophe that awaits the planet and mankind.

We may only have ten years left in which to act. Lets not waste them as well.

Do something. Everyone in the developed world has a material part to play.

Romney says he doesn't deserve to be President!

Well that's not exactly what he said but since I am obviously better at maths than he is let me explain. What he said was that there aren't enough Muslims in the US to justify a seat in his cabinet. I don't think that there is any official index of these things but I would assume that the Presidency is at least three times as important as any cabinet position. Ergo, if Muslims at 0.6% of the US population (and growing) don't deserve a cabinet seat then the Mormons at 1.4% (and shrinking) absolutely do not deserve the Presidency.

See ya Mitt. It was fun whilst it lasted, wasn't it?

Today in infamy - book burners edition

On this date in 1933 Judge John M. Woolsey ruled that James Joyce's crowning work, the masterpiece that is Ulysses was not obscene and could be published in the United States.

And then there was one!

As New Australian Prime Minister Kevin Rudd prepares to sign up to the Kyoto Treaty on greenhouse gases only one industrialised nation remains aloof.

But what the hell - fuck the planet there are oil company profits at stake here! It's a good thing that Oxfam just makes this shit up as it goes along.

The surge is working!

Largely due to America's new friends. Fortunately this clever strategy could not possibly come back to haunt us.

In which I rue not having bought that carp farm

The recent wave of Eastern European immigrants, that has also made it much easier to find sauerkraut in the shops for which I am eternally thankful, has created a new level of demand for the Xmas carp. Yet another missed opportunity!

Hot pants in Florida!*

Today's headline of the day comes to us from the great state of Florida: "Flaming Lingerie Prompts K-Mart Evacuation". I feel that no further explanation is required.

*I'm sorry about the title. I did try but found myself to weak to resist.

Ah but what to call it

Sir Richard Branson's company the Virgin Group has emerged as the preferred bidder for troubled mortgage lender Northern "Hollow as a" Rock.

Virgin Rock? Virgin North? Northern Virgin? (Many might find that unbelievable.) Rock Virgin? I'm sure he has a highly paid consultant to deal with these important matters.

Quelle heure est-il?

Today's story of the day comes from the Guardian and tells us of the Untergunther, a group of underground cultural guerrillas in Paris who broke into the Panthéon, built a workshop and took a year to repair the grand building's malfunctioning clock. They even managed to hook their workshop up to the electricity grid and get a broadband Internet connection all unbeknownst to the authorities who are responsible for the building.

Now this is cozy

The consulting firm for which former US Attorney General John Ashcroft now works has landed a 52 million USD contract with the US Department of Justice to keep an eye on a fraudulent medical supply manufacturer. I am certain that Ashcroft Group Consulting Services was simply the most qualified for the job.

Guns don't shoot people...

...off duty cop step dads do! He apparently didn't "realize" that there was a round in the chamber. It doesn't say much for the training of America's tens of thousands of local cops does it?

Is it warm in here or is it just me?

Assuming the forecasts of a mild winter hold up 2007 looks set to be the warmest year on record in the Northern Hemisphere. Since global warming is a myth this should mean that 2008 will be much colder!

Something light for Sunday

Richard Pryor has his heart attack.

Christ no one will want the England job now!

England have drawn Croatia yet again in the qualifying for World Cup 2010.

Today in infamy

One hundred and forty years ago today Alfred Nobel patented dynamite leading irrevocably to global accolades for treasonous America haters Jimmy Carter and Al Gore (not to mention Harold Pinter)!

No wonder the Republicans need such a big closet

The Agonist provides some insight into what exactly is on conservative minds. Not so much one track as a monorail! Perhaps they are all just anal retentives.

What will you do?

Today is the International Day for the Elimination of Violence Against Women.

Little Miss "Just Asking For It"

The Saudi government has clarified their position on the lashing of a rape victim. Yep, their their position is clear alright!

Today in Tasering

I am beginning to wonder if the Canadian electricity grid has the wrong voltage to recharge Tasers as the country sees its third death in a little more than a week caused by the non-lethal weapon.

Imperialist my arse! It's not like we just invade and occupy oil rich countries without a good reason!

You can tell that St. Tony Blair is no longer British Prime Minister. Were he still living at Number 10 (or did he live at Number 11?) he certainly wouldn't have allowed completely unwarranted attack on the sound, logical and Christian foreign policy of the United States by the Archbishop of Canterbury.

Did you know any of this?

If you didn't it just proves that Captain Codpiece and his minions are doing rather well at ensuring that the American public doesn't know things it probably ought to know. They're only doing ti so you will sleep better. You probably need your rest what with working 2.5 jobs to pay for your health insurance and all.

I hope you didn't have burgers for Thanksgiving

Yet another recall of beef in the US due to E. coli contamination; this time from American Foods Group of Wisconsin. Once again this proves how well self regulation functions. Without self regulation this never would have got into the distribution chain and we wouldn't have this iron clad proof that the system works!

God has spoken!

But it is unclear what She is trying to say as a third earthquake in a week strikes Israel.

Mystery beheading in Northern California

Babe the Blue Ox of Klamath CA, shown above with his long time companion Paul before the tragic incident, has lost his head. Paul, who is believed to have been present at the time, is said to be keeping stum.

The coalition of the fewer and fewer

The new Polish Premier is set to withdraw his country's troops from Iraq next year. Fortunately this will still leave about 30 Kazakhs and 30 Moldovans.

A great day in Australian history

Today the country has decided that it would rather have for its Prime Minister someone who has a taste for his own ear wax (and also speaks Mandarin) than someone who would rather spend his time in office kissing Captain Codpiece's arse.

You have my congratulations.

Today in infamy - conspiracy theorist edition

Forty four years ago today Jack Ruby shot Lee Harvey Oswald, who may or may not have killed President John F. Kennedy.

Some might call it treason - I certainly do!

Faux News' John Gibson, he of the injection moulded coiffure, sees anti-Captain Codpiece conspirators everywhere, outside of the Faux News studios that is, and wants to give Karl Rove a medal for committing a felony (aka treason).

And this time they want SMOKED salmon

The billions (yes - I did say billions) of mauve stinger jellyfish that attacked Northern Ireland's only salmon farm earlier in the week have returned for a second course. The appearance of these warm water creatures off of Belfast has nothing to do with non-existent global warming of course.

Schadenfreude undone

A French court has thrown out torture charges against Donald Rumsfeld, not for lack of evidence or believes he is innocent, but because it has ruled that he enjoys "customary immunity" due to his former position. Even if the concept exists in French law, and there is some question that it does, it explicitly does not exist in international law especially as regards crimes against humanity. We can only hope that someday, somewhere Rummie will get his comeuppance, although with his enablers Captain Codpiece and "I'm a Big" Dick Cheney.

No more Dick for Oral

Besieged Oral Roberts University President Richard Roberts (is he related somehow?) has resigned. He apparently wants to spend more time with his wife's underage boyfriends.

Since when does USA Today do investigative journalism?

I confess I find it rather surprising. What I don't find surprising, but do find depressing, is their story about the 15,000 American combat veterans with brain injuries that the Department of Defense seems to be trying to keep from view.

This must have been a most difficult choice

The twenty unhealthiest restaurant choices in America. My favourite? Their choice for worst breakfast comes from Bob Evans and are the Caramel Banana Pecan Cream Stacked and Stuffed Hotcakes containing over 1500 calories and 75 grams of luscious fat! Of course if I were stoned and in Bob Evans at breakfast time...

Welcome to Bromley-wood

Some of the glitter of Hollywood will be coming to Bromley's Churchill Theatre, more generally a venue for clapped out soap and pop "stars", from next Friday as Paul Michael Glaser of "Starsky and Hutch" fame, I think he was Starsky but he might have been Hutch, stars in Peter Pan. (I guess there's no room for Huggie Bear in Panto.)

Because it's never too soon to lie to your kids...

...the Central Intelligence Agency has a kid's page.

Beware of Zwarte Piet

For those of you who haven't spent as much time in De Nederlands as I have here is Sinterklaas explained. But hurry there are only twelve shopping days left!

Man bites "Man on Dog"

Will Bunch is fighting back against the evil that is Rick Santorum with a new feature - Janitorum. He promises to clean up the mess after my ex-Senator's fortnightly column in the Philadelphia Inquirer. The bi-weekly rebuttal will undoubtedly be more entertaining than the column.

In which I endorse the idea of an invasion of Iran

I could not give a tinker's damn if Iran has a nuclear programme or not but when President Ahmadinejad starts mucking about with free market principles and ruining the saffron industry by requiring the payment of decent wages he has gone too far!

Everyone meet at the Iraq-Iran border 13:00 tomorrow, OK?

R.I.P.

We mourn the passing of Herbert Saffir (1971 - 2007) who was co-developer of the scale used to measure hurricanes and other storms.

Can you direct me to the Fairy GothMother display?

Looking for something to do this afternoon in London? You could do worse than the 10th annual Erotica Show at the Olympia; the "annual exhibition for fetishists, swingers and fantasists". I wonder if any Republican notables will be there.

Fuck fairness

Australian American publishing magnate and generally disagreeable old fart Rupert Murdoch wants his British Sky News to be Faux News but British impartiality rules and the fact that "nobody at Sky listens to [him]" are getting in the way.

I am sure that we all eagerly await the end of Sky News and the introduction of it's replacement Skaï News!

Another Bush-mate bites the dust

The reign of Australian Premier John "The Most Annoying Voice in Politics" Howard would appears to be over as his inaccurately named Liberal Party looks certain to go down to defeat. He shall be missed, if only by Captain Codpiece.

Today in infamy - wacko creationist edition

One hundred and forty eight years ago today Charles Darwin's On the Origin of Species was first published. Had this not occurred we would not be blessed with the Creation Museum. I think we should all be thankful for that at least.

A cautionary note - resurgent Republican presidential hopeful Mike Huckabee apparently keeps this seminal book on his fiction shelf. Frighteningly for some American voters that may actually be a recommendation.

I hope he is not telling the truth...

...because Martin O'Neill is probably the manager that England need. Perhaps he just thinks that they are hopeless!

A step in the right direction

The Canadian government announced yesterday that it plans to 25 million acres (61.8 million hectares)* of wilderness and allow it remain in its pristine state protected from "development" and exploitation alike. Congratulations to the Canadians and shame on those in America, including those in the Oval Office, who want to drill for a few pitiful barrels of oil in the Alaskan National Wildlife Refuge.

*For Sun readers this is an area roughly the size of 124 million football pitches or approximately 30% of the size of Wales!

Progress report

A bomb attack on a pet market in Baghdad has killed at least thirteen Iraqis and wounded many others. Citing a corollary to the front of the head - back of the head rule the American military authorities are not counting this atrocity as sectarian violence and are instead laying the blame at the feet of the previously unknown group "PETA in Iraq".

Today in infamy - Polonium 210 edition

One year ago today former Soviet agent Alexander Litvinenko died of poisoning in a British hospital. Mr. Litvinenko was somehow given a lethal dose of radioactive and highly toxic Polonium 210 sometime in the previous month. The extradition from Russia to the UK of the key suspect in the crime, Andrei Lugovoi - another former Soviet agent, continues to be refused by the Russian government.

Dear Governor Romney,

I think we can all agree that abortion is nothing more than cold blooded murder. Therefore I feel that your stated support for jailing "abortionists" does not go far enough. Not only does your plan neglect to punish the instigator of the crime, the ex-mother who is surely guilty of filicide, but I also feel that imprisonment for other party is far too lenient a fate. As you and I both know the only effective deterrent is execution and none of this mamby pamby lethal injection rubbish either I think that they should either be burnt at the stake (something that your home state of Massachusetts is familiar with I am sure) or drawn and quartered.

I eagerly await your reply.

Yours in death for pro-life.

Yank in London

Today in infamy - I just want a quiet pint down the pub edition

118 years ago today saw the world's first juke box installed at the Palais Royale Saloon in the modern Gomorrah, San Francisco. Silence has been unavailable ever since.

That'll put the fear of God into them

Pakistan's President Pervez "The General" Musharraf has threatened to stop cooperating with the Commonwealth after being suspended from the organisation for failing to have even the pretense of a democracy like Uganda and Brunei do.

Mark you calendars

The state of Israel plans to begin violating the Fourth Geneva Convention on the 2nd of December by reducing the Gaza Strip's electricity supply. Fortunately the Geneva Conventions do actually apply to Israel because of the unwritten but (nearly) universally recognised Holocaust exception.

Where does the 2nd Amendment stand on eye tests?

A Michigan man is "explaining" his shooting of a neighbour's 1,400 pound (100 stone) pregnant cow by saying that he mistook the creature for a coyote which are generally quite a bit smaller. Thank God for the Second Amendment. Without that someone might try and take away his God given right to own and indiscriminately use firearms.

Get on your bandwagon!

It seems that the Thais have come up with an outstanding idea as to how to boost patriotism in their country and I don't see why it shouldn't be adopted in the United States as well. The bill as put forward would require the public playing of their national anthem twice a day and during this performance all activity would cease so that Thai citizens would have an opportunity to meditate on their devotion to the Fatherland. This would of course include all drivers so for a few minutes a day there would be blessed peace on the country's streets, roads and motorways.

The only adjustment that would be required for America would be to add a requirement that the wearing of American flag lapel pins would also be required. Then everyone would be true patriots and not just Faux News employees.

Let's not get cooking!

Proving their value to busy modern family there are some ready meals that are now available which contain half a day's salt. These easy to prepare meals are available in nearly all of the nation's supermarkets and should be especially valuable to those with low blood pressure.

It's 11:58 do you know where your data are?

The Guardian is reporting that HM Revenue and Customs consciously choose to send more data than the National Audit Office desired to arguing cost. These are data on the 25 millions Brits receiving child benefit that went missing in the privatised post. HM R&C didn't want to bother to strip out only the elements that the NAO required, these did not include bank account details, and instead would appear just to have dumped the entire database. Now I know nothing about the structure of R&C's applications but I cannot believe that they do not have enquiry tools available that would have allowed a moderately capable programmer to provide the stripped down data with less than a half day's work.

Someone was just too bloody lazy and told porkies to justify it!

Is it election day yet?

Australia's Prime Minister John "Most Annoying Voice in Politics" Howard leads his euphemistically named Liberal party to the polls tomorrow (and it might be tomorrow there already) trailing badly in the polls. According to Julian Glover in the Guardian this might be the world's first election decided on climate change. Taking orders from his master Captain Codpiece Mr. Howard has continually sneered at even the idea of man made climate change whilst doing absolutely nothing (like his master) to address it despite the fact that Aussies are the world's worst per capita greenhouse gas emitters. Meanwhile as miners, loggers and polluters of every size, shape and description lay waster to the continent the country in deep in the grips of its worst recorded drought. Should Mr. Howard and the Liberals lose as expected to Kevin Rudd and his Labour Party it is save to assume that his neglect of this issue will be largely to blame.

Who says Americans have no sense of irony?

Keith Olberman certainly does whilst discussing Scotty McClellan's revelations about Captain Codpiece (and the rumour that Karl Rove will officially be in charge of the Captain's immoral immortal legacy.

Supporting the troops - Home County style

A group of disabled British veterans who had lost limbs in Iraq and Afghanistan were driven from a public swimming pool in Leatherhead, Surrey by outraged mothers who complained of the lane closures to accommodate the troops who were about to begin a therapy session. These lovely and charitable members of British society complained that the soldiers hadn't paid to use to pool and that they might frighten their precious children. Following verbal abuse from these patriots the soldiers cut and ran!

Nice, eh?

Today in Tasering

After yesterday's episode from Utah the action returns to Canada where yet another man had died after a Tasering, this time in a Nova Scotia correctional facility.

Elsewhere a former employee of Taser International, Pam Schreiner is claiming that she has been threatened and her home shot at after she witnessed company officials shredding documents related to several legal challenges against the firm. I am sure that Ms. Schreiner is exaggerating and that this is all just an innocent coincidence!

Well Mr. Bohr this does make me dizzy

"Anyone who says that they can contemplate quantum mechanics without becoming dizzy has not understood the concept in the least" - Niels Bohr

Look - if I had known that looking at the stars was going to mean the end of the universe and everything I wouldn't have done it. I swear!

In which I plead for those strict constructionists on the US Supreme Court...

...to be strict constructionists on the Second Amendment just this once. I am terribly afraid that this is not going to turn out well unless Justice Stevens gets his dander up.

If we want a sanction against Pakistan...

...that might have some impact we should get them banned from Test cricket not the bloody Commonwealth!

Who would the Conservatives vote for?

The once sane (I'm just guessing that she might have been) columnist Melanie Phillips tell us the Tories seem to be rooting for Hillary. Well that should surprise no one. They are both right of centre and neither of them want any of the Republican loonies from getting their hands on nuclear weapons.

Did you know....

...that Captain Codpiece was personally responsible for the recent news that scientists may be able to make human skin cells act as embryonic stem cells because of his steadfast refusal to allow science to move forward and brave refusal to sacrifice unwanted and soon to be thrown away embryos on the unholy altar of human progress?

Yeah. Neither did I.

And since the research could not have gone forward without INNOCENT EMBRYOS BEING TORTURED EXTENSIVELY EXPERIMENTED UPON no true Christian, such as Our Great Leader, can be allowed to take advantage of this fruit of the poison tree.

(Note: no embryos were sacrificed or even, as far as I am aware, in the room during the writing of this post.)

Today in infamy - Arlen "Single Bullet" Specter edition

Forty four years ago today President John F. Kennedy was killed either by a single bullet or by some collection of evil doers. (I was in third grade and I still recall Mrs. Jackson coming into the class in tears to tell us.)

And as an extra bonus it was also seventeen years ago that "Milk Snatcher" Maggie Thatcher was forced out as British Prime Minister.

Today in tasering

Did you know that you could get Tasered in Utah for refusing to sign a traffic citation? Neither did I!



(Do any of these guys ever end up on charges or in prison for any of this? I didn't realise how much of this goes on.)

I reckon I should have expected this result

Which Animated Show Are You?

My Result: The Simpsons

It's hard to improve when you're pretty much it, right? You're an original, a trend-setter, and, well, completely hilarious. Always a pioneer, you know what you're good at and go with it, no matter what the critics think. At times controversial, you know that you have to make waves to get a big splash. No wonder your way of doing things is always ahead of the crowd.


Just because something's popular, doesn't mean it's hot. From clothes to music to movies, you're way above following trends. Look up "timeless" in the dictionary and there's your face. Such a classic!

Take this test >

Quote of the day

We are indebted to the Senator from the state of my birth, Joe Biden (D - DE) for the following:

"What exactly would it take for the president to conclude Musharraf has crossed the line? Suspend the constitution? Impose emergency law? Beat and jail his political opponents and human rights activists? He's already done all that. If the president sees Musharraf as a democrat, he must be wearing the same glasses he had on when he looked in Vladimir Putin's soul."

"Mum can I be a suspected terrorist when I grow up?"

"They don't have to take science in school!"

This should bring victory in the Eternal Global War on Terra don't you think?

Is this guy a Huckabee supporter perhaps?

CENTERTON, Ark. -- The mayor of an Arkansas town resigned on Wednesday, claiming he was abducted and brainwashed by Satan worshippers nearly three decades ago.

Centerton Mayor Ken Williams said he has been living under an assumed name for nearly 30 years. He had been mayor since 2001.

Williams told authorities he was born Don LaRose and that in the mid-1970s, he was a preacher in Indiana. He said he was abducted and brainwashed into forgetting all about his life as Don LaRose.

(Read on!)

The war on traditional Anglo-Saxon (Protestant) Thanksgiving

A freedom hating schoolteacher in Florida by the name of Robyn Gioia (is that sound like an American name to you?) is putting forward the seditious theory that the first Thanksgiving did not happen when the Anglo Saxon Pilgrims sat down over turkey with Indians in New England in 1621 but actually occurred when Catholic Spaniard Pedro Menendez de Aviles shared bean soup with Indians in Florida on 8 September 1565. Just sounds like more Reconquista propaganda to me! Her treasonous children's book, America's Real First Thanksgiving: St. Augustine, Florida, September 8, 1565 may be found here.

When jellyfish attack!

It is not so good for Northern Ireland's salmon farming industry. There will undoubtedly have to be a Royal Commission appointed to determine if these dastardly invertabrates were Protestant or Catholic.

Progress report - that other war

Over six years ago the United States and some of its allies attacked Afghanistan for its harbouring of terrorists associated with the 11 September attacks. After all the time and with massively superior firepower we now control just about half of the country and that percentage is falling as the Taliban regroups and moves into areas it has not been in since the invasion. Smells like victory to me.

A great leap forward towards Democracy!

Pakistani military dictator Pervez "The General" Musharraf is to cease being a military dictator and become a civilian dictator instead, possibly as early as this weekend. There is as yet no word as to what Captain Codpiece will call him after this remarkable and peaceful transition.

Hero of the day

Pat Callahan of Merrill WI has failing kidneys and is likely to die in the next couple of years. He can no longer go hunting and has donated the proceeds of the sale of his hunting rifles to provide Thanksgiving turkeys for up to a hundred poor local families.

Has Karl Rove visited Australia recently?

Members of John Howard's euphemistically named Liberal Party have been distributing phony leaflets associating the Labour Party and its candidate with Islamic terrorists. The members responsible have allegedly been expelled from the party and are rumoured to be enjoying an all-expenses paid holiday in Tahiti.

The invisible hand of Iran in Iraq

And why is it invisible (or least hardly visible) you ask? Because 60% of the foreign fighters who have come into Iraq in the past year are from American "allies" Saudi Arabia and Libya. I shall wait with bated breath for Bill Kristol to advocate the invasion of these two this Sunday morning (and probably die of self-suffocation).

I know what you didn't do next Summer

Watch the England football team play a match that isn't a friendly! I am left to face the fact that next summer in England will be grim indeed and to rue my decision not to put a bet down on my bold, and unfortunately accurate, prediction.

Of course the English FA has finally sacked hapless coach Steve McClaren.

Oh well there's always the cricket!

For my American friends

Happy Thanksgiving!

I don't always remember on the day. When I had lived here about six or seven years I was at the office one afternoon, around 13:30 or 14:00, and needed to ring someone at the office in the states. As I didn't remember his or her extension and was too lazy to look it up I rang the switchboard. A rather tired sounding security guard answered rather than the receptionist which I thought odd. When I asked to be connected to whoever I was ringing he replied something to the effect of "I don't think he's in today". Again I thought this odd as there were about 800 staff at headquarters so I insisted that he put me through. I appeared that the guard was right when I eventually ended up on voice mail so I left a message and thought no more about it. I wasn't until the next day, a Friday, that I realised that my colleague hadn't rung me back as the prior day had been Thanksgiving. I think that is when I realised that Britain was now home!

Soon long gone (epilogue)

For the better part of the past month I have been featuring one of the world's most endangered primates each of them a close cousin of ourselves. I thought today I should let you have a look at the species responsible for their endangerment: Home sapiens, also ironically known as "thinking" man. H. sapiens is shown here drawing pictures of species that he plans to drive to extinction rather soon.

Coming soon to an EBay near you!

Some folks out in California believe that they have found the image of the Virgin Mary in a burned out tree. I just see a woman in a hijab.

Alright! Who has been letting the side down?

British pubs are selling seven million pints of beer A DAY less than they did in 1979.

In order to resolve this problem I need you to swear that you will drink 10 pints a day and then go get 700,000 of your mates to do the same.

I'm off down the pub shortly.

It is faux that Faux News is news

Got it? (Well worth a read for its truthiness!)

You know - I really revile this man

George Walker Bush, who has never done anything that could be considered service to the community, has decided to extol the virtues of community service, presumably so long as others are doing it.

Today in tasering

I am probably misremembering but I thought that the Taser was supposed to replace lethal force and not to expand it!

Elsewhere Taser International was down 57 cents yesterday in light trading.

Today's football news

I am still standing by my bold Euro 2008 prediction which is now half right! I am a bit concerned that the arrest of the head of the Croatian FA for shoplifting at Gatwick airport might unsettle the Croatian team though.

In any case given the seriousness of what is at stake I think it might be judicious to watch the match at home rather than down the pub just in case I prove to be right after all.

I can't put my finger on it but...

...this article about pressure put on Iranian journalists and accusations against them that include "propaganda against the system," "agitation of public opinion," "blasphemy," "cultural invasion," "preparation for soft revolution," "creeping coup," and "espionage" reminds me of something.

Today in infamy - Native American edition

On this day in 1620 a bunch of English religious zealots, later known as the Pilgrims, landed in New England. The rest is history but not always taught.

Almost there!

OK. Who has a bet down on oil reaching 100 USD a barrel on 22 November 2007? Whoever you are you might just get lucky!

À boire ou je tue la chèvre!

I think I may have spoken prematurely. Whilst there is little doubt that this is a superior headline I think that my subsequent discovery of this little gem ("Man shoots goat after wife wouldn't bring him beer") means that I have a new headline of the day!

Dear Laura,

Have you seen where I have put "the line"? I can't seem to find it and my buddy "The General" needs it.

Love,

George

This would be comical if it weren't so truly terrifying although it is good to see that Captain Codpiece has finally identified what he and Musharraf have in common. They both "[believe] in democracy" yet they both refuse to practice it!

What ever happened to omertá?

Scottie rolls over on his (former) boss, not to mention "I'm a Big" Dick Cheney, on the Plame leak. I think it's time we got the "I" word out on the table.

When She said "go forth and multiply"...

...she didn't necessarily mean that one should use one's brother's wife for this purpose. Especially if one is a man of God. Especially if one heads up a multi-million dollar business empire church. Just say you're sorry Archbishop Paulk and I am sure all will be forgiven by God if not necessarily by your nephew son.

MVP!

I may have mentioned this yesterday but just in case you missing it the Phillies' shortstop Jimmy Rollins is the 2007 National League MVP.

He must be 105 by now!

I didn't know that Joe Paterno was still the head (American) football coach at Penn State. Does he come out onto the pitch on one of those old people mobility scooters?

Whilst we are on the subject...

...it would seem as if Bill-o has inadvertently got his facts wrong yet again. He's still batting 1.000 isn't he?

Well no surprise here

If I remember correctly I predicted that the glorious Bill-o would fail this test. It seems that his lovely Faux News programme has accepted advertisements for the Brian De Palma film Redacted that he has vilified as anti-American (without actually having seen it).

It's a shame that "Heckuva Job" Brownie didn't have one of these

Captain Codpiece must have been leafing through one of his old Business Management 101 textbooks whilst on the toilet recently because he has passed on an Imperial edict requiring all government departments* to hire "performance improvement officers" which so once and for all eliminate any poor management practices as well as outright incompetence from the Executive Branch. Now this truly is "running government like a (poorly run) business"!

*Will the Oval Office have to hire one? What a shit job that would be.

You would think they could afford a spin doctor

Because the Saudi government's explanation as to why a rape victim was sentenced to 200 lashes does leave something to be desired. In the name of freedom and justice the American government has bravely "expressed [its] astonishment" all the while not actually expressing said astonishment to the Saudis.

Don't worry - Jesus forgives!

Should you happen to be in New York do pop into the gift shop at St. Patrick's Cathedral and buy a couple of sweat shop crucifixes for the Catholics on your Xmas list.

I don't know what the church might consider worse. The fact that these holy artifacts were lovingly manufactured by oppressed workers or the extreme likelihood that they were lovingly manufactured by atheists!

You can find out more here.

Captain Codpiece wields the pardon pen

At least he didn't pardon any humans. We wouldn't want any evil doers to escape their rightful place on the Thanksgiving table.

Not for the arachniphobic

Scientists in Germany have discovered the claw of a sea scorpion that would have been around 2.5 metres long or as I like to think of it one big spider! The critter lived about 390 million years ago or 6,000 years ago depending on one's point of view on these matters.

WalMart looks out for shareholder value

The retailing behemoth successfully sued a former employee who, after having been hit by a lorry whilst working for the company, received 470K USD (£230K) from a lawsuit against the trucking company. WalMart sued to recover the monies it had spent on the woman's medical care and now Deborah Shank, who is in a nursing home, has no money left for ongoing care and her family has to rely on Medicaid and other socialist programmes to pay her bills.

The free market in action is truly beautiful to behold.

Headline of the day

"Polygamist Gets Multiple Sentences". (Shamelessly pinched from Philly Will Do!)

Just because you're paranoid!

I confess I haven't been following the 137th inquest into the death of Princess Diana much to my sister's chagrin. She is an irrepressible Di-worshiper. But I did think today's news that she thought that her phone calls were being tapped notable because they were. She should have known better than to be sleeping with a Muslim!

10-1 on that Rudy doesn't show!

A group of prestigious former generals and other high officers from the US military want to meet, privately, with each of the Presidential candidates to discuss how to ensure that, once Bush is gone from office, torture by American personnel is never again an issue.

Department of not quite news

The story of a female student from Jackson State University in Mississippi is oddly being largely ignored by the national media perhaps because she isn't a pretty, blond white girl. Let's get Faux News right on it shall we?

I have a serious problem with this

I do not object to hunting per se, I used to do it myself, but I do object to trophy hunting as opposed to hunting for food and I am astonished to discovering that killing an extremely rare albino black bear in Pennsylvania is not only not illegal but appears to be something to brag about.

Missed opportunity?

I can't help thinking that, if Alistair Campbell were still the head spin-meister at Number 10, that the story of the 25 million sets of personal details would be being dealt with rather differently! Instead of the sacking, sorry - resignation, of the head of Customs and Excise due to his abject failure to prevent the use of privatised postal services for the transportation of critical and private data on all of the nation's children we would be being asked to applaud the diligence of an unnamed bureaucrat who tried to save the nation's taxpayers about £2.50 by using a non-recorded, non-tracking service. If we only had more bureaucrats like this great gentleman or lady we would soon have saved enough to procure clean sheets for half the beds in the NHS!

In which I reject yet another politically loaded term

The discovery of a technique which can be used to make human embryonic stem cells out of ordinary human skin cells is certainly to be applauded but I wholeheartedly object to, and reject the use of, the phrase "ethical stem cells" to describe the process. The implication that the use of stem cells from embryos that would otherwise be discarded, either because they resulted from an abortion or because the "owners" of the embryos have decided they have enough kids now, is somehow unethical cannot be allowed. If we allow this to happen we will be allowing the right and forces of retreat and repression to once again frame the debate and allow it to be conducted on their turf and on their terms!

Thanks but no thanks

Yet another African country, this time Nigeria, has inexplicably rejected the opportunity to be the host country for the America's neo-colonial AFRICOM.

The lucky troops assigned to AFRICOM remain headquartered in Stuttgart Germany, the obvious second choice!

Sorry Osama Obama - it's just too late

I do appreciate your honesty as regards your misspent youth but my much sought after endorsement is already spoken for.

America reigns supreme

Unfortunately it is always in the wrong things. The United States and Israel (what not even Iran or Saudi Arabia) are the only two countries in the world that jail children for life. The US has 238 times as many children serving life sentences then their client state does. Oh and if you are a black child you are ten times more likely to be given life without parole than a white child but I am certain that is just a statistical anomaly rather than an exposure of flaws in the American "justice" system which skew the system against the black and/or the poor.

To think that I remember when it was all shiny and new!

Philly can't help but get bad press can it? The latest thing to be blamed on the city is any air traffic delay anywhere in America.

Feeling safer yet?

The only thing that the Bush administration seems to be "ept" at is ineptness! The long delayed nuclear detectors for American ports are to be [drumroll] delayed even longer because they don't work. I'm sure there is nothing at all to worry about. Rumour has it that the Bush twins have been deployed to random ports and armed with Geiger counters.

Soon long gone

Today's (final) vanishing primate is Nomascus hainanus aka the Hainan black crested gibbon from Hainan Island off of China.

You have been warned!

From The Art of Mental Warfare.

Two in a row!

The Phils' Jimmy Rollins has deservedly won the 2007 National League MVP award. His team mate Ryan Howard won last year.

Now maybe the Series or am I just a hopeless, dreaming, third generation Phillies fan?

This will make America a safer place

Meet the 300 round a minute, recoilless, fully automatic shotgun (with video).

R.I.P.

The squeezably soft Mr. Whipple has cast aside his mortal coil.

It's official: Jews taking over America

If you don't believe me you might consider consulting the Jerusalem Post.

Revolting fitness you can drink

Ms. Mills-McCartney finally totally loses her mind and suggests that rats' milk can save the planet. I can't see it catching on myself. I prefer goats' milk.

Now how did this come to pass?

Republican Presidential hopeful John "Bitchkiller" McCain has bagged the endorsement of former 9/11 Commission co-chair and former New Jersey governor Tom Kean even though Rudy Giuliani is the candidate officially sponsored by 9/11! 9/11!

Stupid people!

Stupid, stupid people!

Voters in Mesa AZ have given the approval to the construction of an enormous water park in the desert!

WATER PARK! DESERT! See my point?

The developer, one Richard Mladick, says it is all about creating the environment he remembers from growing up in Virginia Beach! So why the fuck did he move to the desert if he loves the sea? I suppose that soon there will be project, pushed by a well meaning Virgina Beach resident who grew up in Arizona, to fill in the bloody Atlantic Ocean so he (or she) can recapture the magic of his (or her) childhood.

Hasn't anyone been paying attention to what has been happening with water on this bloody and unfortunate planet?

Let's just get this over with

A rather mad (in both senses of the word) Christian wants to be able to launch a private prosecution against the BBC for blasphemy. Stephen Green believes that Auntie's airing of Jerry Springer - The Musical was in violation of the British law against blasphemy which dates from 1838. Let the damn fool bring the conviction so that the courts can, quite rightly, find that whatever is currently on the books contravenes the European Convention on Human Rights that is now enshrined in British law. Then we can be rid of this incredible nonsense for once and for all. If Mr. Green wishes to live in a (Christian) theocracy I suggest he consider emigration to somewhere in the American south.

C of E caves in

Archbishop of Canterbury to adopt a homophobes only policy to keep homophobes from leaving the church. Well I think it could work tactically but...

But I thought they were defeated and victory was ours!

Perhaps the "surge" isn't working so bloody well after all. God damn it! Why won't these damn Arabs fight fair?

Thanksgiving's been cancelled

The fine folks at the Hyde Park Baptist Church in Austin TX (where else?) didn't seem to know what "inter-faith" means!

"We ain't havin' no goddamn Islamofascists in our church, are we Jim Bob?"

Chickin shooting in the Sunshine State

Ah. The state of Florida once again proves why we made a mistake and didn't cut it off and let it drift out to sea when we had the chance!

Old dog - old tricks

Are Captain Codpiece's minions and others in the US intelligence community once again planning on an illegal and perhaps violent overthrow of the democratic government of Venezuela? You may love him; you may loathe him (and many do) but Hugo Chavez is still the legal and constitutionally elected President of Venezuela, with a bigger mandate than The Captain ever received, and to have any involvement in a coup against his government would be a clear violation of both US and international law.

In which I propose the continual and unending Tasering of all of the hosts and hostettes at Fox & Friends

What's good for the goose, right?

Supporting the troops

Join the US Army and they'll give you a big old signing bonus but don't forget to read the fine print. They're probably going to want it back if you should just happen to get shot in the line of duty.

There are paramecia out there with bigger brains than these people!

R.I.P.

Victor Rabinowitz - 1911 - 2007 - a fine attorney and a great man!

Note to wingnuts: I know you like to accuse anyone to the left of Margaret Thatcher of being "hard left". Well Mr. Rabinowitz was a true and proud member of the left.

My endorsement is in!

And it has long been obvious that I have to throw my weight behind a candidate that we frankly don't deserve and a president we probably will never have - Dennis Kucinich. I will continue to support him until he gets forced out of the campaign by the corporate funded behemoths between whom the money men will quite graciously allow us to choose and probably beyond that. In the meantime he is one of the few of the candidates who is actually discussing the issues that matter.

Birthday celebrations - guitar players only

Fifty one years ago today the late, great Duane Allman was born in Tennessee. I had a chance to see the Allman Brothers twice in Philly before he died and there is no doubt he was one of the all time greats (and "Layla" was his song).

A year later a lesser but still quite good guitarist, Joe Walsh was born in Ohio.

Special "Today in Infamy" for Captain Codpiece and his minions

On this date in 1789 the Great State of New Jersey became the first state to ratify the Bill of Rights.

Today in infamy - special Apple-heads edition

On this day in 1985 Microsoft first shipped Windows 1.0 only two years behind schedule.

Soon long gone

Today's vanishing primate, once again from Vietnam is Rhinopithecus avunculus aka the Tonkin snub-nosed monkey.

An oldie but a goodie!

Thanks to Crooks and Liars for reminding me of Tony Benn's evisceration of resplendently mustachioed John Bolton on Question Time. By the way the US could sorely use a show in this vein where politicos have to answer questions and fact the public and the moderator is tough and generally unbiased.

Another rat flees the USS Codpiece

Fran Townsend has resigned.

How will you spend it?

Today is World Toilet Day so gather up those unread newspapers, go in and have a read!