Captain Codpiece is a genius

According to this story in The Hill this year's federal budget will only be 200 US dollars which should leave hundreds of billions of dollars in surplus.

What's that you say? The budget isn't $200. The White House is charging $200 to see the budget? Oh my. That's rather different indeed. Nevermind.

For those times when you need to Taser someone but just can't be asked to aim

Presenting the Taser shotgun; coming soon to a woefully under-trained police force near you.

So how's that oil price working for you?

If you are Royal Dutch Shell I would say that it is working very well indeed as the company announces annual profits 27,600,000,000 US dollars. Now that may seem like an awful lot of money to you and me but it only comes to 875 USD per second!

Will anyone who thinks this is a bad idea please raise your hand

The great state of West Virginia is considering starting gun classes in the public schools because not enough of their citizens are marching off into the woods to kill Bambi's mum. Now I recognise that if one is going to use weapons that adequate training in safety and care is absolutely essential but I'm not sure that public schools are the appropriate venue. This is especially true for a state that seems to have significant room for improvement as regards their public education system; perhaps if they added gun play as a core curriculum in the No Child Left Behind Act.

Quote of the day

"All of the restrooms are functioning. We were able to serve lunch."

I see that school cafeteria food hasn't improved in the past 30 years!

"How many times do we have to tell you! God is not your co-pilot."

In what must be considered a worrying development for air travellers the co-pilot of an Air Canada flight had to physically removed from the cockpit and restrained after he started to "ask for God" whilst the plane was at 30,000 feet on the way to Heathrow. Clearly it was entirely sensible for these measures to be taken in order to preserve and protect lives but for some reason we seem to lack this good sense when someone with control over nearly all the lives on the planet behaves in exactly the same manner. One wonders why.

McCain's pumped up campaign

I think we had all better keep a close eye on Sen. McCain's physique. If he starts to suddenly bulk up we had best send him off for a drugs' test. After all he seems to be cornering the performance enhanced endorsement market. First he garnered the recommendation of Philly's own Sylvester Stallone who has recently spoken highly of the use of human growth hormone. Now he has admitted steroid abuser California governor Arnie Schwarzenegger on his side. McCain may or may not win the Republican nomination and/or the presidency but he is sure to hit 40 or more homeruns this season!

Paging Sam-I-Am

There is a chicken in Cuautitlán, Mexico that has taken to laying what are alleged to be green eggs. Now I know that I have partial deuteranopia but the eggs in the picture look bloody gray to me!

Progress report

How many billions of taxpayer dollars and how many American and Afghan lives have been spent to turn Afghanistan into what it has been all along - a failed state? Of course this failed state is run by fiercely free market, drug manufacturing war lords rather than nasty fundamentalist Muslims so I reckon that's a significant improvement, innit?

Schadenfreude alert

There is nothing more ridiculous than the sight of an enormous 4x4 (aka "Chelsea tractor") attempting to navigate its way through the streets of inner, or even outer, London. So "Red" Ken Livingstone has my whole-hearted support in his plans for £25 (50 USD) a day congestion charge on these extravagant behemoths.

Note to Americans: you will see that he is running on his record of "a popular left-wing, reforming administration that has pursued groundbreaking policies in major areas such as equalities, the congestion charge, aiding the less well-off with cheap transport [and] climate change". What are the chances of that happening in America anymore?

The curse of The Office

Whilst the British version of the popular TV series is clearly superior it is not so certain which of the two host cities is worse: Slough or Scranton. I'm probably one of a small and illustrious group who has been to both and I'd give it to Scranton by a nose; if only because one can so easily escape to London from Slough - where one goes from Scranton is less clear!

So where do I go now?

I have been a Kucinich supported since the early days and, after he dropped out of the race to fight off the challenge to his House seat, I have to reassess my position. I was leaning heavily to John Edwards but now he is gone too! I find both remaining candidates less than satisfactory. Hillary because she is too right wing and too beholden to corporate/insider interests. Obama because he is still too much of a cipher and even where his positions seem to be clear, like on healthcare, I find that we disagree.

I have only until next Tuesday to make up my mind as I will be voting in the Democrats Abroad primary.

Meanwhile here's Edwards's statement.

The madman at Number One Observatory Circle

As you may have noticed I am not exactly "I'm a Big" Dick Cheney's biggest fan but I didn't consider him possibly psychotic until now. He keeps a piece of the house in which al Qaeda lead Abu Musab al Zarqawi was blown up on display in his house. I wonder if he keeps on the mantelpiece next to the photos of the grand kids. Truly touching, innit?

Rudy we hardly knew ye!

The incredibly flawed brilliant "bet it all on Florida - they love me down there" strategy of Rudy "Did I Mention 9/11? Did I? Hunh? Did I?" Giuliani has gone done in flames and he now looks set to back John McCain. I leave it to Mr. Giuliani's predecessor as the mayor of New York, Ed Koch, to put this in perspective. "The beast is dead" said the former mayor!

How can this be?

It has taken over seven years but I can clearly say that there is one issue with which I agree with Our Great Leader, Captain Codpiece. This Great Man thinks that restrictions on US food aid to the poor and the starving should be lifted so that food can be bought locally and considerable expense saved. As it is US food "aid" represent more in the way of back door subsidies for US farmers than they do in actual aid to those in need.

I am not sure why Captain Codpiece thinks this way but in this (extremely) isolated case he is right and the Democratic Congress that will oppose him is wrong.

Now I have to slip off and take some extra medication. I don't fell well at all.

The news from Florida

Hillary declares victory and marches on. Do you think her campaign understands the primary was just a "friendly" and that she didn't actually win anything (and that she had to cheat to manage that)?

"This is FISA. This is your life on FISA. Get it?"

A 30 second primer from US Senator Russ Feingold. (Why didn't he run for President?)

A cowardly act

It has been argued by many, generally unsuccessfully, that suicide bombing is the act of a coward. I think that one can make a more compelling argument that to torture someone is a cowardly act. After all, it is the imposition of physical and/or psychological suffering on a human being unable to resist or fight back. (It is certainly the act of a sadist.)

What I find truly reprehensible though is for the highest legal officer of the country that flatteringly likes to paint itself as the beacon of freedom and justice for the planet Earth to refuse to address the issue of torture full stop. What US Attorney General Michael Mukasey seems to have said is that water-boarding either is or is not torture, that it is a very hard question that is beyond his limited capacity and that he won't rule it and he won't rule it out.

By taken this craven and unprincipled stance Mr. Mukasey is actually doing is leaving the decision and responsibility up to American officers in the field, thereby exposing them to possible criminal liability. (Whilst the US has refused to sign up to the International Criminal Court unless it promises never to prosecute any American official there would still be exposure to criminal and/or civil liability in the country where the crime allegedly took place or in the country of citizenship of those so abused.) Mr. Mukasey would also seem to be developing a case for the defence of "plausible deniability" for himself, Captain Codpiece and "I'm a Big" Dick Cheney, amongst others, should any truly free country and democratic ever get their mitts on them.

And it's just a week away!

Don't worry. I've notified le Général of this important, if perhaps ill-fated, attempt to save the heathen French.

Where do I sign up?

According to US Representative Al Wynn (D - MD) there is a "vast...left-wing conspiracy" that is hard at work ensuring he does not get re-elected. Why was I not notified? Who is in charge of this? I would like to register a complaint!

Some experts, though, seem to think he won't get far with his complaint to the Federal Election Commission.

"Interestingly, and unlike most complaints filed with the Federal Election Commission, there's not a single provision of federal campaign finance law directly cited in the complaint," attorney Paul Ryan said. "Several of the allegations, in my view, make clear the complainant doesn't really have a clear understanding of what constitutes coordination under federal law."

In der Marine

Boys do need to let loose every now and then as the German Navy amply demonstrates here.

Why do I think that this will all come to nothing?

The American FBI is busy investigating a number of major financial players for fraud in the sub-prime lending crisis that is slowing enveloping the globe. Don't they understand that big business taking advantage of poor people is not fraud it is capitalism?

Why does Congress hate rowing?

I keep hearing accusations that the United States Congress is set to allow FISA to expire. Does this mean no Dad Vail in Philly this spring?

And to think I thought they were just being polite

I've lived in London for over 15 years now and, although my accent was never terribly strong, it has softened considerably over the years. Nonetheless I have not acquired a south London accent and it is fairly clear to most Brits, if not most Americans, that I am from North America. It is not uncommon for me to get the "are you Canadian?" question when meeting new people. I always thought it was because people were uncertain as to whether I am a Yank or a Canuck and, assuming that a Yank would less likely to be insulted by being mistaken for a Canuck than the reverse, that they were simply erring on the side of caution. I am no longer certain that that is the case.

Would you like ice with that?

It is a shame that global climate change is just a figment of the imaginations of those who wish to destroy America because if it were real it might go a long way towards explaining where Baffin Island's ice is going.

Losing the will to live

The bad news about global climate change continues to come; something new nearly everyday. So far I've been able to face up to the prospect of 10s of millions of refugees, killer droughts, freak weather and the threat of global hunger. But if there's going to be no coffee I am certain to lose the strength to go on; in the mornings anyway!

Could Gordon Ramsey be our next f***ing Prime Minister?

Well if Thailand can elect a celebrity chef as premier I don't see why we shouldn't as well.

Well if they put some bloody chemicals in it this probably wouldn't have happened

A Canadian firm by the name of My Organic Baby has had to recall some of its baby food after discovering it had gone bad. They, along with the Canadian government department responsible, did wait a bit though. They probably just wished to ensure that the food was indeed rancid after all!

Today in infamy - (almost) all life is sacred edition

On this day in 1998 an abortion clinic in Birmingham AL was bombed killing a police officer. The bomb was planted by right-to-life-terrorist Eric Rudolph who was captured five years later after other bombings and is currently serving his (right-to-)life sentence.

I almost forget

It's Say-Goodbye-to-Rudy-Tuesday. He will barely be missed.

I'm all for government being efficient but...

..given that the US Internal Revenue Service has an annual budget in excess of 9 billion USD one would think that they wouldn't have to rely on Wikepedia for legal definitions that they are going to rely on in court.

Across the great water things are a bit different

Whilst America's Federal Communications Commission thinks it is an appropriate use of its time and authority to fine TV stations about 1.5 million USD for a five second shot of a woman's buttocks, which it seems to think is either a sexual or an excretory organ, in the Netherlands they are having a discussion as to whether it is appropriate to screen Deep Throat on public television and the argument centres not on whether actual sex shown be shown on telly, silly question, but rather whether the film is a specific example of the sexual exploitation of women.

And people ask why I live in exile!

Lame duck limps out

I have nothing to say at the moment regarding Captain Codpiece's ultimate State of the Union Address, barring a coup d’état. I didn't watch it - I badly need my beauty sleep. I haven't read it as yet and am unsure I will have the strength to do so. Perhaps tomorrow. I doubt I missed anything of any import. I did see a snippet on the news and I cannot understand what this impotent, failure of a "leader" could have said to make anyone stand and applaud; other than "I quit" naturally.

Playing to the base

I suspect that he hoped that no one was looking; what with all of the excitement surrounding his final (Isn't the) State of the Union (Dire?) Address. Yesterday, Captain Codpiece's minions announced that they will open up an additional 3,000,000 acres (1.2 million hectares) of Alaskan wilderness to satisfy the voracious appetites of the country's logging interests. Well at least someone ended the day happy.

This is perfectly understandable

Today's Guardian carries a story that raises the question of whether the US Ambassador to the United Nations, Afghan born neocon Zalmay Khalilzad, secretly scuppered Paddy Ashdown's bid to become the new UN "super" envoy to the country. And if he did, so what? After all Lord Ashdown freely admits to being a Liberal Democrat!

Do not watch this clip unless you have 1.47 million USD handy!

The only reasonable reaction to the FCC's fines for the clip below (NSFW in America only) is "you've got to be fucking kidding me!". After all this is "indecent" but the government's war on American freedom and its war on the Iraqi people is not.

It was a bad year for some...

Lot's of Americans have lost their homes in the past year. Many have lost their savings or their jobs. Even more are financially strapped and trapped in a circle of unredeemable debt.

But if you work on Wall Street it was still a bloody good year and the bonuses keep on coming.

Why Captain Codpiece is a lot like me

He'd talk about sex than about God. I don't think that is going to impress Her much but it impresses me. I wonder if it impresses the Republican base.

Today in infamy - "damn thing won't fit!" edition

Today is the fiftieth birthday of Legos.To celebrate go put something together with your kid, no matter how old he or she is.

Today in infamy

Twenty one years ago today the space shuttle Challenger blew up less than two minutes after launch killing all aboard.

How many McA-levels have you got?

"Only three. I got A-s in 'hiding the brown lettuce' and 'trans fat identification' but only a C in 'would you like fries with that'. I kept calling them chips.

Now how in the heck did this happen?

Iraq has formally signed up to the Kyoto Protocol. I can only assume that the Republic's Supreme Potentate His Imperial Highness Emperor George the Last will veto the measure!

Where did our humanity go?

How much longer will the world stand silently by as the state of Israel commits crimes against humanity against the 1.3 million residents of Gaza? Does Israel have such a stranglehold of guilt on the world's conscience that we allow the state to be immune from condemnation? Imagine if the situation were reversed. Arabs were occupying Jewish lands; the Jews were violently resisting and using terrorist tactics, as they did against British rule; and the Arabs react by shutting off supplies to a ghetto containing more than a million Jews. Would we still be silent and stand by and watch? I think not.

Does this count as white slavery?

Karren Brady took over as the MD of Birmingham City at the tender age of 23. Over the past 15 years she's made rather a good job of it and the team is on solid ground. However somewhere along the way she married a footballer, Paul Peschisolido, and she has sold him twice. That's just not on in my book.

I take back all the bad things I ever said about British Rail*

I have lived here long enough to constantly whinge about the state of the rail service; a service that I first thought was brilliant when I first moved here. I have subsequently experienced proper rail service in France, Germany, the Netherlands and even Italy. Despite the inadequacies that we have to live with every day I don't think British Rail has ever stranded a half a million passengers in one station!

*Note: British Rail hasn't existed for years but the term is still used to generically complain about the privatised chaos that is the "system" of railways left behind by Maggie.

I guess junkies just don't vote Republican

They would also seem to count less than the unborn foetuses the pre-born. The White House is opposed to the use of Narcan by drug users to save post-born human lives. I reckon that is what God wants.

Meet the new judge, same as the old judge

In 2006 the New Labour government of Tony Blair brought in New rules intended to break the stranglehold that white male barristers, educated in public schools and Oxbridge, have on the high court. Since that time 10 high court judges have been appointed. All are male; all are barristers; six were educated in public schools.

There is one Australian though if that counts an oppressed minority. I guess it is good to see that there is at least one Australian in the country who isn't working in a pub. (I say that but I don't know what Justice Cranston does with his weekends!)

Spinning around

Now why didn't I think of this? This essay describes how we can be certain that the Christian Bible is the word of God because She tells us so in the Christian Bible.

I am suddenly dizzy. I think I need to sit down!

Quote of the day

"They want to ban sex toys, but sell guns on every street corner. When was the last time anyone was murdered with a vibrating banana?"

A citizen of Alabama as quoted in an editorial in the Tuscaloosa News.

"I am Tom Cruise and I approve this threat message"

Author Ian Halperin, who infiltrated celebrity cult, Scientology, and told of it in a book has gone into hiding after receiving anonymous death threats in phone calls. I am sure it was just a prankster unrelated to the "church" and not Tom and Katie's au pair.

What will we call them then?

After the water runs out will they be the They-Used-to-Be-Great-but-Now-They're-Barely-Lakes?

Today in infamy - special cut and run edition

On this day in 1973 the Paris Peace Accords ending the Vietnam War were signed by North Vietnam and a Republican American government.

Dear Senator McCain

I am not not your friend and I wish that you would cease and desist suggesting otherwise in your public appearances.

Thank you in advance.

Sincerely,

Yank in London

"He did it!"

Republican spokesmodel Peggy Noonan, shown here demonstrating the length of an imaginary piece of string, turns on Captain Codpiece:

"George W. Bush destroyed the Republican Party, by which I mean he sundered it, broke its constituent pieces apart and set them against each other. He did this on spending, the size of government, war, the ability to prosecute war, immigration and other issues."

Today in infamy - it snows in Oswiecim

On this date in 1945 the evil Soviets liberated the death camps at Auschwitz and Birkenau.

The market hath spoken

Who are we to argue with the omniscient, omnipotent, omnipresent yet invisible of hand of the free market? Why should American health insurance companies be compelled to actually provide healthcare?

A reminder for Reaganites: there will be no rationing in America!

Paging Chicken Little

The spy is falling.

Keeping the base happy

It looks as if Captain Codpiece, suddenly gone veto mad, will veto the temporary extension to the FISA act because it does not contain the provision he demands to protect the rights of the American people big telecoms companies. Not to hard to see what side he is really on if you still have doubts.

Oh dear!

If the Observer is to be believed the recent Captain Codpiece Legacy '08 Tour through the Middle East was an abject failure. They note that, even though Our Great Leader has nearly a year remaining in his reign term, the dissection of his legacy has already begun and, so far at least, the reviews are all negative.

I like to call them the Magdalenes

Meet the (ex)-hookers for Jesus; appropriately based in Las Vegas so there is no shortage of sinners available.

Definitely NOT starring Robert Redford

"The Mitt Whisperer"

One has to admit that this guy is looking more and more like the true heir to Captain Codpiece; which is, I think, reason enough, not to elect him!

Iraq been berry, berry good to ExxonMobil

The oil giant and a former employer of mine, to my eternal shame, looks set to post the largest profit ever thanks to Captain Codpiece's excellent work to make the world safe for petro-chemical companies, Halliburton and Blackwater.

Did the members of the FCC fail high school health class?

Apparently they think that the human buttocks is either a sexual or excretory organ and on that basis plan to fine stations that aired an episode of "NYPD Blue" about one and a half million USD. The scene that is so offensive to these poor folks featured the "naked buttocks" of a woman. I'm off to do some research (please assist me if I come up to you on the street) but I'm almost certain that the buttocks is neither sexual (see "vagina" / "penis") or excretory (see "anus") and that in fact I don't think it is even an organ.

What must Americans think when they watch telly in other countries (or is this why they don't seem to leave the country?).

Today in infamy - bad day the aborigines edition

On this date in 1788 Sydney Australia was first settled by several ship loads of largely Irish convicts. If they thought they had it bad they should have been native Australians for whom things got much worse, very quickly.

YOUR ATTENTION PLEASE!!

If there is a God She does not give a flying fuck about (American) football, OK? If the voices in your head are telling you otherwise please consult a mental health professional post haste. Oh, and coaching highly paid, drug enhanced behemoths is not a "pulpit".

That is all.

(I do find it most amusing that this is reported by the Christian press who seem to think that She does care about (American) football.)

Why do the (remaining) polar bears hate America?

Those deep thinkers at the Heritage Society think that if polar bears are listed as endangered species, should the EPA ever get around to acting on this of course, it will harm the American economy (but keep Americans from getting their hands on the oil and natural gas in Alaska) and therefore the bears must die. One can only be impressed by their clear and concise thinking. I can only assume that they believe this would be legal under the "national security" provision of the Endangered Species Act because if there was ever a national security issue it is the right of Americans to have ridiculously cheap energy in order to support their profligate lifestyle (and to fill up the Hummers).

How safe are your data?

Not very if the Inland Revenue are to be believed. Ordinary citizens like me are allowed, even encouraged, to file their tax returns on line but the royal family, Members of Parliament and celebrities are prevented from doing so because of privacy concerns. Hmmm. I reckon its the postal system for me as well then!

Cop killers!

I wonder how the right wing American media, generally so fiercely condemnatory of any killing of law enforcement personnel, will treat this story of nine Afghan policemen* "accidentally" killed by US soldiers. Perhaps there are special rules for brown cops from a brown country.

*Clearly the civilian deaths must be ignored.

It couldn't happen to a nicer guy

If there was ever anyone who deserved to face Zimbabwean "justice", besides Robert Mugabe of course, it is all around bad guy Nicholas von Hoogstraten. A friend of mine who is a solicitor worked on his prosecution for the killing of business associate and I can assure you that Mr. von Hoogstraten is a piece of bad work indeed.

(Don't) look away now

When the Burmese dictatorship cracked down, once again, on its on population, killing and interring dissidents, the leaders of our western countries mumbled a few platitudes and our newspapers and broadcast media filed a few stories; then we "moved on".

The junta hasn't and the repression and human rights violations continue. I though you should know.

If I had ever been here before

It is a case of déjà vu all over again as Iraqi forces are preparing for the grandmother of all battles that will certainly end the insurgency once and for all, or at least until after the State of the Union speech. Iraqi forces have also made good progress toward wiping out a messianic Shi'a cult, this is not a real religion like Mormonism or Scientology, in the south of the country.

Going postal - Canuck-style

Pay attention now. This is why guns kill people. If this gentleman in an Edmonton shopping centre had been armed with an assault rifle rather than a hockey stick people would be dead. Yes he did injure people, some probably badly, but no one is dead.

This is not, as yet, an edorsement!

John Edwards has a droll new ad.

God's diet

Because the Lord, should She in fact exist, has nothing better to do with Her time than tell the obese when to eat. Because the "faithful" are there to be preyed up.

Anyone know any good John Gibson jokes?

We are going to need to have a great deal of material saved up for when the Faux News bigot with the injection molded hair dies. We wouldn't want to pass up an opportunity for a feeble and ill-timed joke, now would we?

If anyone Faux News had an moral fibre he would have been sacked by now but that is a terribly big ask for them.

Farewell!

Well none of us expected Dennis Kucinich to win the Democratic nomination but I would have liked to see him stay on and try and keep some discussion of real issues occurring. However he has to call it a day and concentrate on retaining his House seat; a task that has grown more difficult as he has been targeted by corporate interests and their right wing brown shirts.

Thanks Dennis! My endorsement remains as there is no one else in the race in whom I can genuinely believe.

Why does Captain Codpiece hate the brave men and women in uniform?

Any budget that he sends to Congress that does not even attempt to fund the current (illegal) wars should be treated as dead on arrival and returned post haste. Otherwise they legislative branch would not be fulfilling their divine obligation to provide total and unequivocal support for our brave fighting persons in a time of War!

McCain presidency assured!

The aged one has received the critical and much sought after endorsement of confessed drug smuggler and former Philadelphia Sylvester Stallone. With Mr. Stallone, whose new Rambo installment is truly family friendly, at his side no one will worry about Senator McCain's cojones.

This is either terribly ironic...

...or the case of the perfect man for the job. Paul "Is There Enough Spit in My Hair" Wolfowitz has been appointed head of the US Department of State's International Security Advisory Board whose role is primarily related to arms control. According to the New York Times article the Board used to provide "insight" to the Secretary of State, Conocoleezza Rice. I can only assume that this will be replaced with wild hallucination and fantasy.

In other ways Mr. Wolfowitz, who has spent much of the past few years being forced out of jobs for various improprieties, is perfect for this job. He can imagine the pariah state of his choice to be in posses ion of non-existent weapons of mass destruction. When said state is then found not to have any such weapons, after a messy and illegal invasion, he can then claim that this is only due to his extreme efforts as an "arms control" official. (No additional thought required.)

I can only assume that this position does not require Senate confirmation because, even with the current batch of inept and impotent Democrats in charge, there is no way that is going to happen.

An editorial note to the Anti-Defamation League

Dear sirs,

I would have thought you well educated enough to realise that it is inappropriate to use the term anti-Semitic to describe Arabs. As I am sure you are fully aware Arabs are, like Jews, a Semitic people and are therefore your brothers. A more appropriate term for what you seem to wish to communicate is "anti-Judaic" and I would recommend that you use it in the future.

I hope this was helpful.

Sincerely,

Yank in London

Democracy at work

Philly hits the big time!

Philadelphia has always had a bit of an inferiority complex, undeserved in my opinion, especially as regards its bigger neighbour to the northeast. Well not after yesterday I should think. The City of Brotherly Love was blessed with an appearance by none other than mega-semi-pro internet porn starlet and walking talking advertisement for a 98% estate tax Paris Hilton who showed up at the local outlet mall to promote her new film.

(What? Film? For fucks sake!)

Are we allowed to mention this?

Long term use of the birth control pill leads to a material reduction in the risk of contracting ovarian cancer. Is it OK to mention this to young women or will we just be encouraging them to go out and shag their socks off?

Not exactly news

The Italian government led by Romano Prodi has collapsed after losing a vote of confidence. Thus ends Sr. Prodi's year and half in office as head of the 61st Italian government since the end of World War II.

Well he never said he was an art critic

Captain Codpiece's favourite painting is W.H.D. Koerner's "A Charge to Keep"; he even nicked the title for his premature autobiography. The only trouble with this is he apparently believes that it portrays a minister on horseback off to convert the heathens of the wild west when in fact it illustrates a horse thief fleeing a lynch mob; a fitting allegory for the Bush presidency I should think.

File this in that already over-stuffed folder: "things that George W. Bush believes to be true when in fact they are not".

They really do love freedom don't they?

Meghan O'Sullivan, a former assistant something or other in the Bush administration, has had to abruptly cancel a public speech at Indiana University after some members of the awkward squad insisted that it be a public speech. According to Ms. O'Sullivan (pictured below in case you've forgotten who she was and what she did): "it's a common practice for people who leave government not to give on-the-record interviews for a certain period after they leave government...I have spoken widely off-the-record and it has been respected".

Wow - Jesus had one long body, didn't he?

At least if you think that this deformity inside a Colorado potato looks anything like Jesus he had one long body. Just thinking of all those spuds that I've eaten, which contained similar malformations that I failed to recognise as the son of God, makes me worry about where I am going to end up in the hereafter.

More mash anyone?

All in the family

Because she has done such a bang up job on her own daughters Lynn Spears is to have the honour of raising her grandchild, the progeny of pregnant 16 year old Jamie Lynne. The youngest Ms. Spears wants to concentrate on her career, like any normal 16 year old would.

Happy Burns Night

Address To A Haggis

Fair fa' your honest, sonsie face,
Great chieftain o' the puddin-race!
Aboon them a' ye tak your place,
Painch, tripe, or thairm:
Weel are ye wordy o' a grace
As lang's my arm.

The groaning trencher there ye fill,
Your hurdies like a distant hill,
Your pin wad help to mend a mill
In time o' need,
While thro' your pores the dews distil
Like amber bead.

His knife see rustic Labour dight,
An' cut you up wi' ready sleight,
Trenching your gushing entrails bright,
Like ony ditch;
And then, O what a glorious sight,
Warm-reekin, rich!

Then, horn for horn,
they stretch an' strive:
Deil tak the hindmost! on they drive,
Till a' their weel-swall'd kytes belyve,
Are bent lyke drums;
Then auld Guidman, maist like to rive,
"Bethankit!" 'hums.

Is there that owre his French ragout
Or olio that wad staw a sow,
Or fricassee wad mak her spew
Wi' perfect sconner,
Looks down wi' sneering, scornfu' view
On sic a dinner?

Poor devil! see him ower his trash,
As feckless as a wither'd rash,
His spindle shank, a guid whip-lash,
His nieve a nit;
Thro' bloody flood or field to dash,
O how unfit!

But mark the Rustic, haggis fed,
The trembling earth resounds his tread.
Clap in his walie nieve a blade,
He'll mak it whissle;
An' legs an' arms, an' heads will sned,
Like taps o' thrissle.

Ye Pow'rs wha mak mankind your care,
And dish them out their bill o' fare,
Auld Scotland wants nae skinking ware
That jaups in luggies;
But, if ye wish her gratefu' prayer,
Gie her a haggis!

God's show must go on

A priest at the Church of the White Madonna in Trento continued on with his mass after one of his parishioner had a heart attack and died during the service. The dead man was covered up and left at the back of the church. Said Father Peron:

"What could I have done?...The Holy Mass has to be celebrated. It is not right to make an exception for one individual."

I hope that the good Father switched to the Missa Requiem at the very least!

All immunity, all the time

The Bush administration has been busy pushing retroactive immunity from lawsuits, criminal prosecution is obviously off the table, for telecommunications companies who probably broke the law, and certainly violated the privacy and trust of their customers, by aiding and abetting the federal government in tapping phone call and email traffic without any warrant. The press has been giving this some coverage (more on this later).

However they are also insisting that the supposedly sovereign Iraqi "government" shield US contractors, think Blackwater & Halliburton, from Iraqi and one assumes international law.

I can only assume that this teenager is white (and probably Christian)...

...as, despite the fact that everyone seems to agree that intended to hijack and crash a passenger plane he is never described as either an (alleged) terrorist or an (alleged) evil doer.

This must have been one small cow

I don't know how else to explain how these thieves were able to get the bovine contraband into the back seat of a Proton Wira.

Oh dear

Senator Boxer (D - CA) bitch slaps the head of the EPA Stephen Johnson over his lack of cooperation and his attempt to conceal information from Congress related to "his" decision to deny California the authority to regulate tailpipe emissions despite the advice of his staff. (Watch until the end for the "tape" moment.)

Run, Jesus, run!

You can help elect Jesus as president, thereby ensuring that America retain its rightful place as the only truly Christian nation, by JesusIn2008.com. He needs your help!

I wish they had called this something else

The Center for Public Integrity has decided to name their report on the hundreds of lies told to us by Captain Codpiece and his minions "The War Card". Somehow this makes be think of a school report card. Well anyone who takes home a report card as bad as this generally has to repeat the grade and I think that is the last thing we want!

What would you do with 720 million dollars a day?

(Brought to you by those traitorous peaceniks at the American Friends Service Committee.)

Today's assignment

The Philadelphia Jewish Voice has an Michael Weinstein, head of the Military Religious Freedom Foundation. Go read it.

Why just suspend the Constitution when you can abrogate it?

US Vice President "I'm a Big" Dick Cheney wants eternal warrant-less wiretapping and spying to accompany the Eternal Global War on Terra. (He would also, like the Tin Woodman, wish to have a heart!)

Attention Harry Reid and Nancy Pelosi

I thought you might like to see what you could do should you ever wish to try. I hope you found this helpful and enlightening.

They obviously have never been in my flat!

Some people seem to think that we're running out of dirt. All kidding aside the loss of more and more top soil it going to make it difficult, if not impossible, to feed the nine billion people we're going to have in around forty years (not to mention growing what we need to keep America's Hummers humming with bio-fuel). Extreme weather, both too much and too little rain, is only going to exacerbate the problem.

Cheez Whiz off the menu at Rudy headquarters

It seems that Rudy "Did I Mention 9-11, Did I, Huh Did I?" Giuliani has lost the critical Joey Vento endorsement. I reckon this means he's lost the South Philly vote!

He has a gift

Captain Codpiece's ever so brief visit to Egypt during his recent Legacy 08 Tour has served to worsen relations between Washington and Cairo. Can someone help me? I can't think of anything that he has touched, at least recently, that hasn't turned into a complete pile of shite. Is there anything I've forgotten?

Adieu à la Hain

Beleaguered deputy Labour leader Peter Hain has resigned his position as the case into the dodgy donations to his deputy leadership campaign is referred to the police. The eterna-tanned Mr. Hain has vowed to fight to clear the remnants of his good name.

God hates (actors that play) fags!

Breaking news: renowned Christian thinker Fred Phelps and his tribe plan to picket the funeral of actor Heath Ledger who died suddenly earlier this week.

Was this the ulterior motive?

It seems that the state of Israel is claiming that it no longer wants to illegally occupy Gaza now that the blockaded Gazans, who were being collectively punished by Israel in violation of international law, have broken down the barrier between the strip and Egypt in order to buy food and fuel that was being illegally denied them by Israel. (I have noticed with some disgust that a number of right wing sites and even some newspapers, have sneeringly referred to this as the Gazans "going shopping" as if they were out to pick a pair of Ferragamo for that cocktail party on Saturday night.) If Israel decides to drop its responsibility as the occupying entity, a responsibility that they have never fully acknowledged, will the international community allow them to get away with it and if they do so will this eliminate Captain Codpiece's half-hearted call for a contiguous Palestinian state?

Don't Americans get out of their cars for anything anymore?

I know I have been gone awhile, (I passed the 15 year mark a couple of years ago and I haven't actually been in the states since just before Captain Codpiece's first inauguration), but I don't recall any drive through chemists shops. Perhaps if you got out and walked a bit every now and then less medication might be required.

Must try harder!

Former Senator and B list actor Fred Thompson has dropped out of the race for the Republican presidential nomination. I wish I could say that he gave the "go old college try"; but I can't.

How could we have got it so wrong?

Noted child care & family expert (and walking, talking advertisement for a 99% inheritance tax) Paris Hilton tells us that Britney Spears is a "great mother". Thanks for that Paris. Should we require any additional input on this matter don't call us, we'll call you.

So where's the statistics?

A new study jointly released by the Center for Public Integrity and the Fund for Independence in Journalism catalogues over 900 lies and damned lies that spewed from the mouths of Captain Codpiece and his evil minions ("I'm a Big" Dick Cheney, Conocoleezza Rice, Donald "Unknowing the Knowns" Rumsfeld, Colin Powell, Paul "Is There Spit in My Hair?" Wolfowitz, Ari Fleischer and Scott McClellan) in the run up to the illegal invasion and occupation of Iraq. Some folks seem to think that the fact that all of these lies have been pointed out before somehow means that these statements are now true (or something like that) and even if not its Comrade Soros's fault.

When a language dies

89 year old Marie Smith Jones, who was the only known fluent speaker of Eyak has died in Anchorage. Her language goes with her.

This is a fucking misdemeanour?

Whatever happened to the Eternal Global War on Terra? Someone one suspects that if the man who had "accidentally" carried a gun through security at RR Airport in Washington had been named Muhamed al Rawani rather than Gregory Hinkle he would be enjoying the splendid facilities at Guantánamo Bay Beach and Leisure Club rather than facing the misdemeanour that is, in Virgina at least, "possessing or transporting a firearm into an airline terminal".

Progress report (part II)

Never have so few spent so much to bring so little to so many. Disgraceful, isn't it?

What's a lap dog to do?

His Great Eminence, former British Prime Minister and continuing Captain Codpiece succubus, St. Tony Blair is facing fierce criticism from the side that doesn't count over his failure to confront the Israelis over their illegal occupation and crimes against humanity. One wonders why they expected more.

It should be interesting to see how this pans out

Jewish residents of illegally occupied land in Gush Etzion on the illegally occupied West Bank are suing Israel Electric Company for refusing to upgrade the illegal electric supply to their illegally occupied homes.

Could this be the end of a beautiful friendship?

It seems that the Brits aren't all that keyed up about that family values thing, at least using the American definition. Over the past twenty years marriage has fallen out of favour; gays are OK; families are a hodge podge of step & half siblings.

As for God; She fell out of favour a long time ago. I wonder when the US will close its embassy (and whether they will settle their bill before they leave).

Looking for an Arab saviour?

"Yanks Out - Dubai SOS". Why do Scousers hate America? Shouldn't we expect better from a European City of Culture?

The Storyteller

Today's Guardian features a brief interview with the 95 year old Studs Terkel. The following is first bit:

About 25 years ago, Studs Terkel was waiting for a number 146 bus alongside two well-groomed business types. "This was before the term yuppie was used," he explains. "But that was what they were. He was in Brooks Brothers and Gucci shoes and carrying the Wall Street Journal under his arm. She was a looker. I mean stunning - Bloomingdales and Neiman Marcus and carrying Vanity Fair."

Terkel, who is 95, has long been a Chicago icon, every bit as accessible and integral to the cultural life of the Windy City as Susan Sontag was to New York. He had shared the bus stop with this couple for several mornings but they had always failed to acknowledge him. "It hurts my ego," he quips. "But this morning the bus was late and I thought, this is my chance." The rest of the story is his.

"I say, 'Labour Day is coming up.' Well, it was the wrong thing to say. He looks toward me with a look of such contempt it's like Noel Coward has just spotted a bug on his collar. He says, 'We despise unions.' I thought, oooooh. The bus is still late. I've got a winner here. Suddenly I'm the ancient mariner and I fix him with my glittering eye. 'How many hours a day do you work?' I ask. He says, 'Eight.' 'How comes you don't work 18 hours a day like your great-great-grandfather did? You know why? Because four guys got hanged in Chicago in 1886 fighting for the eight-hour day ... For you.'

"Well, he was scared and nervous and the bus was still late. I've got this guy pinned up against the mailbox. He couldn't get away. 'How many days a week do you work?' I went on. Well, then the bus came and I never saw them again. But I think that every workday morning she was looking from the 15th floor of their apartment block to see if that mad man was still there."

America could have used a few dozen more of the likes of him.

The occasion of the interview is that Mr. Terkel has a new book out entitled Touch and Go.

Progress report

According to the United Nations High Commissioner for Refugees fully 20% of Iraqi refugees in Syria had experienced violence or torture in Iraq before fleeing the country. The torture will obviously have been at the hands of the evil doers because the US doesn't torture!

What will they think of next?

Has this ever been done before? A ship crossing the Atlantic powered solely by a sail kite?

Hardly unexpected

Over the past seven years if we have learned one thing it is that the Bush administration hasn't got a plan or strategy for anything (expect perhaps funnelling tax money to big business) so we should not be surprised to learn that they haven't got an IT strategy in the White House.

This is cool!

The British Library website has an online gallery of record players. For those of you too young to know what a record player is; ask your mum. I'm not going to explain it (again)!

Do cannon fodder really need a high school diploma?

Let's certainly hope not as the US military continues to get fewer and fewer high school graduates and fails to meet its own ridiculously low target of 90% graduates. Last year they only managed 71%. 71%!

Perhaps this explains why Captain Codpiece never (really) served; what will all those fancy degrees he has.

Maybe they should carve Reagan's visage onto the face of this

Down in Florida there is a bit of a brouhaha over whether a company known as Waste Management should be allowed to extend the reach of Mt. Trashmore another 55 feet to 280 feet in height. The locals are resisting this effort because they believe the extra altitude will be an "eyesore and bring foul odors". Doesn't it do that already?

Hostage drama resolved sucessfully!

Jesus has been released unharmed! And the situation now seems to be a bit of a domestic rather being a case of wiener poop rage.

Surely this must be bad science

Otherwise how can one explain God allowing this to happen given how much She hates ho-mo-sexuals!

I smell a veto coming

The UN Security Council is to meet in an emergency sessions to discuss the crime against humanity currently being committed by Israel re Gaza. I'm sure that Captain Codpiece won't let those UN weenies say anything bad about his (only?) friends.

Maybe it's the HGH*!

Rambo seems to be killing faster than ever before.

* The stuff certainly hasn't made him any taller. I'm not even sure he is 5'9". I've seen him and he is only ever so slightly taller than me.

War in West Chester?

The state of play of in the town outside of which I grew up.

Whatever happened to Myanmar?

Turns out nothing. We, or at least our fabulous "free" press, just seem to have lost interest.

I love the smell of rate cuts in the morning...

...it smells like panic. The US Federal Reserve Bank has cut the basis interest rate, on an emergency basis between regular meetings, not by 0.25%, not by 0.50% but by 0.75%. The market doesn't seem interested though as stocks take a dive (three twists in the tuck position - degree of difficulty 4.2).

Your tax dollars at work

It seems the good senators from Kansas and Missouri, Messrs. Brownback and Bond have been using earmarks to send federal money, about 1 million USD last year, to a local church for what seems suspiciously like proselytising. And the wall came tumbling down.

Pharm-a-loot

Kudos are owed to SMDC Health System, a business that runs hospitals and clinics in Minnesota. The company decided that having all of those pharmaceutical company freebies hanging about, reminding practitioners to use these branded medications and supplies, was a clear conflict of interest; so they removed them from their facilities. There were nearly 20,000 items that filled up 20 shopping trolleys. Rather a lot I think.

One has got to pick one's fights carefully

I think there will come a time that toymaker Ty Inc will regret its decision to refuse to recall lead tainted toys in Illinois by claiming that federal law takes precedent. I think all of those mums and dads out there might miss the significance of the legal nicety.

Well he's still a bum (at the bare minimum)

"How did Bush go from being an alcoholic bum to the most powerful figure in the world?

- Oliver Stone explaining the plot line to his planned new film on George W. Bush (working title "The Trifecta Man")

Today in infamy - special pre-born edition

On this day in 1973, a mere 35 years ago, the US Supreme Court announced its decision in Roe v Wade allowing women to control their own bodies.

Where do I collect?

Community's Secretary Hazel Blears has announced plans that could lead to council tax refunds if the services your council provides are rubbish. And let us face it; all councils provide rubbish services, do they not?

"Fuck the planet there's money to be stolen made!"

The US is warning the EU that there will be no toleration of the mamby pamby excuse "climate change" as an excuse to create "barriers to trade".

That's that settled then.

Where, o where, are the strict constructionists now?

The Republican Party tells us that the authority for warrantless electronic surveillance is inherent in the Constitution. They don't actually mention where exactly, but it's there. No doubt about it!

And I think that Chuck Norris is too old to be making action/martial arts films*

Not that I think that Chuck Norris is wrong to say that John McCain is too old to be president.

*And too talentless to make anything else!

I am sure that this is all just a misunderstanding

I mean what reason could the FBI possibly have to lie about the existence of one silly little file just because it might contain evidence that the US government might be a source of nuclear secrets for those that the US government claims it doesn't wish to have nuclear secrets?

And all of this from a Murdoch newspaper as well!

What is God up to?

It is certain that She is up to something. It seems that bacteria are "evolving" faster than Big Pharma has the means, or perhaps the desire, to keep up.

Will we make it?

Captain Codpiece is, finally, in his last year. This assumes of course that he doesn't suspend what little is left of the Constitution and just refuse to leave office.

There is also the rather serious question as to whether his replacement will be a material improvement. Looking at the current field of "front runners" I would say that is not a dead cert.

I am dangerous

So says Peter Mullen in a comment piece in Friday's Times. He bemoans what he clearly considers to be the undue influence of secularists (e.g. me) on Britain and he says that we are more dangerous than terrorists. We do need to take this advice with a grain or two of salt given his position as the Chaplain to the money lenders in the temple stock exchange. (Why in God's name do they have a chaplain? Does he help them pray for insider knowledge?)

We cannot remain silent - this must end!

Normally I would, for obvious reasons, refrain from using the word "chutzpah" in a post about Israel. Nonetheless I can think of no better term to describe the actions of the Israeli government in committing crimes against humanity in the harsh light of day. And, so far, the rest of the world seems to be allowing them to get away with it. Admittedly the United Nations has criticised it in the mildest of terms and there have been some grumblings from the EU but the United States remains so silent that one wonders who the client state really is.

Today in infamy - special Irish edition

On this date in 1919 the

Dáil Éireann

met for the first time in Dublin. The meeting ultimately led to the War of Independence that ultimately ended in the less than satisfactory partition of the Island between the 26 counties in the Republic and the 6 counties that remained in the UK.

Problems in Paxman's pants?

Who says investigative journalism is dead? The Beeb's news presenter Jeremy Paxman, after years of painstaking research has decided that there has been an unacceptable decline in the quality of Marks & Spencers men's smalls and he is going to do something about.

Jeremy, we who are about to don our pants salute you!

Personally I blame 24 hour drinking

Now that the pubs don't generally shut at 11 PM anymore the nation doesn't have the need to rush down the curry house after chucking out time to get in another hour's drinking time. Either that or we have just become effete softies.

From the City of Brotherly Love

So far I have been disappointed in the selection of headlines available relating to the reign of Philadelphia's new mayor Michael Nutter. However this letter, headed "A Rousing Defence of the 'Nutter Agenda'", gives me cause for hope.

Living the colonial dream

Whilst continuing to talk "peace" the Israeli government has allowed the number of illegal immigrants/colonists in the West Bank to grow by 5% in the past year. Clearly what the Palestinians need is to establish a chapter of the Minutemen and build a border fence to keep out these illegal aliens who are there to steal Palestinian jobs and land. (But they don't seem to want to clean the pools, mow the lawns or cook the meals for sub-sustenance wages.)

Tom's bad week

Pity poor Tom Cruise; he's not been having the best of times lately has he? First there was the "we can do everything - cure anyone" video that the Church of Scientology doesn't want to see. Now the ever so talented young man is being compared to Reich Minister Dr. Joseph Goebbels. What must the lovely Katie think of all this?

Two for the price of one

If you live in Little Rock today is not only Martin Luther King Jr Day it is also Robert E. Lee Day. Is the irony intentional or doesn't anyone in Arkansas notice? Perhaps someone should ask Mr. Huckabee about this.

Paging Captain Renault

The Israeli Ambassador to Canada is shocked, shocked I say to find Israel included as a state that uses torture in a Canadian diplomatic manual. Fortunately Canada has righted this grievous wrong after some (none too) gentle suggestions from their neighbour to the south.

What do you remember?

Yesterday's Observer featured a section that shared people's memories of 1968. Mine, at the advanced age of twelve, is of my radicalisation by the images from the Democratic convention in Chicago. Yes - I was a bit precocious.

When they came for the haggis I did nothing because I was not a haggis

Is this true? Is it really not possible to get proper haggis in the states? What do you eat on Burns night? Of course this post would not be complete without the bard's paen.

Address to a Haggis


Fair fa' your honest, sonsie face,
Great chieftain o the puddin'-race!
Aboon them a' ye tak your place,
Painch, tripe, or thairm:
Weel are ye wordy of a grace
As lang's my arm.

The groaning trencher there ye fill,
Your hurdies like a distant hill,
Your pin wad help to mend a mill
In time o need,
While thro your pores the dews distil
Like amber bead.

His knife see rustic Labour dight,
An cut you up wi ready slight,
Trenching your gushing entrails bright,
Like onie ditch;
And then, O what a glorious sight,
Warm-reekin, rich!

Then, horn for horn, they stretch an strive:
Deil tak the hindmost, on they drive,
Till a' their weel-swall'd kytes belyve
Are bent like drums;
The auld Guidman, maist like to rive,
'Bethankit' hums.

Is there that owre his French ragout,
Or olio that wad staw a sow,
Or fricassee wad mak her spew
Wi perfect sconner,
Looks down wi sneering, scornfu view
On sic a dinner?

Poor devil! see him owre his trash,
As feckless as a wither'd rash,
His spindle shank a guid whip-lash,
His nieve a nit:
Thro bloody flood or field to dash,
O how unfit!

But mark the Rustic, haggis-fed,
The trembling earth resounds his tread,
Clap in his walie nieve a blade,
He'll make it whissle;
An legs an arms, an heads will sned,
Like taps o thrissle.

Ye Pow'rs, wha mak mankind your care,
And dish them out their bill o fare,
Auld Scotland wants nae skinking ware
That jaups in luggies:
But, if ye wish her gratefu prayer,
Gie her a Haggis!

I suppose the tatties and neaps will be next!

Remembering Martin

Not that long ago there was so much hope in America. Where has it gone?

For your listening pleasure

Captain Beefheart and the Magic Band!

About bloody time!

Finally someone in a official capacity has referred to Israel's treatment of the Gaza strip, with its blockade and fuel restrictions, as what it truly is: illegal collective punishment. (I know he didn't use the word "illegal" but this is a UN guy. For one of them these are harsh words indeed.)

Perhaps the US might wish to introduce to a resolution into the Security Council ordering them to cease and desist!

Today in infamy - Reagan dirty tricks edition

On this day in 1981 the Islamic Republic of Iran released 51 American hostages from custody after over a year. The release took place minutes after Ronald Reagan was sworn in as president. As we all know this was simply a fortuitous coincidence.

The ballad of Jesus and the weiner poopie

Just watch this. Mere words cannot do it justice. (Key quote: "we won't press charges if Jesus is unharmed"!)

In the true spirit of inclusiveness that is the Roman Catholic Church...

...the Society of Jesus (Jesuits) has named a white man as the new Black Pope. Anyone surprised?

Alright who has nicked Sweden's winter?

I am not saying that this is firm evidence of global climate change but vinterskivling mushrooms are already to be found in Sweden. In case no one has noted this is still the middle of January.

(And it's 15C in London today!)

Canadian airbrushing

The Tory government in Ottawa has promised to rewrite a foreign service manual to remove the United States, and American client state Israel, from the list of states that engage in torture. There were some seriously twisted knickers in Washington off the revelation and one can only assume that Ottawa received some none too subtle suggestions as to what to do about. After all, friends don't let friends accuse friends of torture!

Today in infamy - "don't even try and tell me this never happened" edition

On this date in 1942, SS second in command Reinhard Heydrich, hosted the Wannsee Conference to coordinate the planning of the Endlösung or "Final Solution" for the annihilation of the Jewish population in Germany and the occupied countries.

Enough to make right wing heads explode

One wonders which side your average American right winger will support in this case from Chesapeake VA in which an armed homeowner shot and killed an armed policeman who was breaking into his house, allegedly to exercise a search warrant. I wait with bated breath.

We give up

The US Environmental Protection Agency has decided not to develop a recovery plan for the jaguar. It would seem that they don't seem to think that there are enough of them to be worth saving or thoughts to that effect.

Republican disarray?

This complaint is not the only one I have seen from a disenchanted wing nut bemoaning the lack of choice, or perhaps more specifically "choicelessness", in the Republican field. I think they all should just stay home in that case and leave the decision to those who wish to participate.

And I still don't understand the fascination with B list actor and underachiever Fred Thompson. I thought Republicans loved the work ethic.

Nah, this system ain't broken!

Disgrace is the only word I can think of to describe the situation of Arielle Moye of Colombia SC. She had a heart transplant at the age of seven but now that she has turned nineteen she no longer qualifies for Medicaid and therefore has no means to afford the 3200 USD per month she needs just to pay for the anti-rejection drugs.

Should she die because of this one would think that the omniscient, omnipotent and omnipresent invisible hand of the market will have some serious explaining to do.

And now for something completely different

They'll all do love change!



I prefer notes myself.

Today in infamy - "I'll take a large chips with that" edition

Fifty years ago today the opening salvos in the first Cod War between the UK and Iceland were fired (so to speak).

I think I know what I'll have for me tea tonight now.

Not bad for a heathen, eh?

You know the Bible 85%!

 

Wow! You are awesome! You are a true Biblical scholar, not just a hearer but a personal reader! The books, the characters, the events, the verses - you know it all! You are fantastic!

Ultimate Bible Quiz
Create MySpace Quizzes

I wonder what Bush would get?

Progress report

Because it has proved such a winner in Afghanistan the omniscient, omnipotent, omnipresent and yet invisible hand of the free market has decided that Iraq is a good place to grow opium. I love the smell of opium in the morning, don't you?

Oh the hubris

How can anyone take seriously a proclamation from the Torturer-in-Chief, Captain Codpiece, that begins "we recognize that each life has inherent dignity and matchless value, and we reaffirm our steadfast determination to defend the weakest and most vulnerable members of our society"?

I'm just asking.

Valentine's Day isn't that far off...

...if you're still trying to think of a present you could do worse than some eco-lingerie!

This is so 1950

The US Supreme Court has refused to hear a case brought by (my main man) Dennis Kucinich and the Democratic Party in Texas will be able to keep him off of the ballot because he refuses to sign a loyalty oath. Where is Major ______ de Coverley when we need him?

Isn't he too dark skinned for the part?

Johnny Depp wants to play Michael Jackson perhaps because he has long been searching for a part weirder than Edward Scissorhands.

Today in infamy - corrupt Republican edition

One year ago today former Republican Congress Bob Ney of Ohio was sentenced to 2 and a half years in prison for his part in the Jack Abramoff scandal. Let us hope that there are many more to come!

His anti-Midas touch

Yesterday Captain Codpiece unveiled his curiously undefined economic stimulus package to defeat the impending recession. Shortly thereafter the Dow came tumbling down.

Cause - effect. Simple.

Why does Tom Ridge hate America?

The original Secretary of Homeland Security has stated, most unequivocally, that water boarding is torture. Over to you George. Parse away.

"Let me introduce to you, the one and only Ricky Flair"

I hope someone is keeping count of these. We have yet another reason to consider the prospect of a Mike Huckabee presidency truly frightening.

"I'd like to introduce you to my future Secretary of Defense and Secretary of Homeland Security, Chuck Norris and Ric Flair!"

His potential cabinet might be more entertaining than Captain Codpiece's but it will be no less frightening!

Is this ironic?

The Mt. Blanco Fossil Museum in the great state of Texas is a proponent of creationism and rejects evolution. In order to raise funds that will ensure the survival of this valuable non-scientific institution they are selling off a mastodon skull from their collection. I just don't understand why they are expecting to get so much for something that they clearly think is only a couple of hundred years old.

They were ready for this one

I am occasionally surprised by a death that I learn about via the obituary pages of the Guardian where the notice appears sometimes four to six weeks after the event. I don't know what criteria the editorial staff use but they were ready for Bobby Fischer.

They weren't ready for Dan Fogelberg.

I think it's because he didn't use chunky!

Little did I know that a simple jar of peanut butter was proof of the existence of God. I don't know about you but She never ceases to amaze me!

Your creeping theocracy

A federal court judge has ruled that the University of Wisconsin-Madison must fund a Roman Catholic campus group even though the group's activities include proselytising and worship.

The judge? Surprising he is not an appointee of Captain Codpiece but was appointed by that great legal scholar Ronald Reagan.

I love a woman in a (latex) uniform

Yet another middle aged male fantasy bites the dust as latex is banned at Johns Hopkins University Hospital. This wouldn't have happened with socialised medicine!

Because white flour, saturated fats, refined sugar and E numbers are the key to a good education

A handful of spoilsports in Seminole County FL have forced the local schools to remove a McDonald's reward programme for "good" grades from the school's report cards. There's always one in the class, isn't there?

It was bad enough just fighting them in the here and now...

...but I reckon if we have to fight them in the hereafter as well the Eternal Global War on Terra is well and truly lost. Actual headline: "Dead Terrorist was in Touch with Hizbullah".

"It depends on what the meaning of 'five years' is"

The Raw Story has managed to smuggle itself (or at least a representative of itself) into the White House press room, possibly disguised as a gay prostitute, but once it got there it doesn't seem that the White House liked its sole question very much. Not very hospitable of them, is it?

The Islamo-Republicans are coming!

Former US Representative Mark Siljander (R - MI) has been indicted for funding terrorist groups. During his time his Congress he was known as a born again Christian and his mates still think he is a holy person; he probably only did it for the money. Which makes it a perfectly OK and very Republican Party kind of thing to do.

"Little Ricky" is risen!

Taking a page from the book of my former junior Senator, Rick "Man on Dog" Santorum Republican presidential hopeful Mike "Holier Than Thou" Huckabee finds a link between bestiality and homosexuality. I hope it works as well for him as it did for "Little Ricky".

"Please don't ask the candidate any question he doesn't wish to answer!"

Factually challenged Republican presidential hopeful Mitt Romney has a wee spot of bother with a reporter.

AT least I won't be lonely

It seems that lots of (self righteous) folks might be joining me in Hell.

Haven't they suffered enough?

The African Great Lakes country of Rwanda is still trying to rebuild itself following the genocidal civil war of the the 90's that saw roundabout a million deaths. Now they have St. Tony to contend with.

Come to Zimbabwe where eveyone's a millionaire (and most people are terribly poor)!

The Bank of Zimbabwe is set to launch it's new 10 million Zimbabwean Dollar banknote. With one of these new notes and some change a Big Mac could be headed your way!

There I was just a walkin' down the street...

...singin' "doo wah diddy diddy dum diddy doo".

The next thing I know I've been impressed into jury duty.

Where's the condemnation?

As the state of Israel further tightens the noose around Gaza, an act of illegal collective punishment at best or possibly genocide in part, the silence from the world is deafening. How long will we continue to sit by and spectate at these anti-Semetic crimes against humanity!

Today in infamy - special nation's capital edition

On this date in 1990 Washington DC mayor Marion Barry was arrested for possession of crack cocaine.

And grown men wept over their primi platti

Why are they trying to ruin my (culinary) life? A cull of Italian buffalo is going to lead to a worldwide shortage of mozzarella di bufala! Is this end of insalata tricolore as we know it?

"I repeat, we do not negotiate with the progeny of terrorists!"

Omar Osama bin Laden (I reckon you can work out the identity of his father without further clues) wants to do something to bring peace to the world. Who is next, I wonder, the Bush twins?

And only 681,102 minutes more than Nixon (or why Republicans can't do IT)!

Damn those incompetent IT folks. The White House seems to have "lost" 473 days of email archives during their critical lawbreaking period in 2003 - 2005. What a shame. I am sure that they are very sorry for their little mistake. Much of the missing data relates to communications from and to the offices of Captain Codpiece and "I'm a Big" Dick Cheney.

And don't even think about trying to blame the technical staff, OK?

Take Lyrica! If you ignore the side effects it sometimes works for a condition that might possibly exist!

Mark Morford contemplates the strange and curious world of pharmaceuticals.

"Look at the size of his willy!"

Posh Spice waxes lyrical over the sight of her hubby in pants:

"I'm proud to see his penis 25ft tall...It's huge. It's enormous. Massive. If I looked like that I'd walk down the streets in my panties too."

I can only say how thankful I am that she doesn't look like that!

(Note to Americans: the headline as published in the Guardian is "Victoria Beckham and the 25ft penis". Don't you wish your newspapers would actually print that!)

Whatever you do don't call it a "ghetto"

Palestinian refugees in Lebanon have been reduced to living in conditions that are extremely similar to the slums of the nineteenth century.

Fat, white, racist, drug addled, impotent, hate-mongering fuck claims he isn't racist!

Rush Limbaugh claims that his repeated and heavily emphasised use of the words "spade" and "hoe" in a "satirical" hit piece on Barack Obama was in no way racists. I for one think that he is a fat, white, racist, drug addled, impotent, hate-mongering fuck and refuse to believe him.

"Because I ain't reading no book that ain't mostly pitchers"

Announcing the anti-jihad comic book. Too bad they missed Xmas! So rush out and buy it if you wish to avoid all intellectual stimulation.

Boehner's hard on

It seems that the minority leader of the US House of Representatives John "It's Pronounced Bay-ner" Boehner (R - OH) has a few ideas as to what he will do the moment he's in charge. He'll get rid of the healthy food and put an end to the indulgences carbon offsets.

R.I.P.

He was one of the world's great chess players but not the planet's most stable human being. Bobby Fischer has died in Iceland at the age of 63.

But the taps ARE open

Has Captain Codpiece let the cat out of the bag re OPEC's lack of additional capacity?

Remember you heard it hear first.

His really, really, really dark materials

Another white guy in a suit for President!

I think we can all agree, conservatives and progressives alike, that the Class of 2008 (Dennis Kucinich excepted) is not the most outstanding field of presidential contenders that the US has ever seen. However I do not think that this should be used as an excuse to make things even worse.

Take this job and shove (Minnesota Republican style)

US Representative Michele Bachmann (R - MN) thinks that it's great that her state is full of people who have to take two jobs to make ends meet.

"I am so proud to be from the state of Minnesota. We’re the workingest (sic) state in the country, and the reason why we are, we have more people that are working longer hours, we have people that are working two jobs."

The citizens of Minnesota could not be reached for comment!

It's those darn ho-mo-sexuals again!

Peter LaBarbera, who is the head of that great, patriotic organisation "Americans for (What the Voices in May Head Call) Truth has invented a new quasi-medical term: "Second-Hand Sodomy" whatever that is. I suspect no virgins are involved.

Because Bill-o O'Reilly is a man of honour...

...I believe that we should take him at his word. The bilious one doesn't think that there are any homeless US veterans out there but if there are any he has promised to ensure that they are no longer homeless. So, my friends in America, your task is, whether you chose to accept it or not, to find any and all homeless veterans that ARE out there and ensure that Mr. O'Reilly knows about them. After all he has promised, more or less, to give them all a home! And I sure that he will, as usual, be good to his word.

BBREAKING NEWS!

"Mubarak Lauds American Leader, Avoiding Record on Dissent"

Wait a second. I may have got this backwards! Ever so sorry.