If you ever see me in queue at a supermarket till never get behind me. All my life I have had any uncanny ability to always, irrespective of the circumstances, select the wrong one.
Today's instalment: approaching the basket tills (two are open) in Sainsburys with a pint of milk and two bananas I have a choice between a queue of about four or one single woman. Easy peasy. I select the queue of one.
The woman, smartly dressed and ever so middle class is rabitting away into her mobile as the clerk rings up her purchases.
"That will be £3.41 please."
The woman, apparently completely surprised that she has to pay, begins to root about in her handbag, finds her purse and hands over a Mastercard.
"Do you have Nectar card?"
The woman, having replaced her purse in her handbag, roots around again, finds her purse and hands over the loyalty card. She is still, I might add, carrying on with what appears to be a completely banal conversation about clothes shopping on her mobile.
"Please enter your PIN."
The woman fumbles about with the terminal, enters a few numbers and waits.
"I'm sorry that PIN is not recognised. Can you enter it again please?"
More fumbling & waiting.
"I'm sorry the PIN's still incorrect. Do have another card?"
The clerk returns the card to the woman who looks at it and says "Oh, this is my husband's card. I must have taken it by accident. I don't know the PIN."
Into the phone: "I have to go darling. I'm having trouble at Sainburys!"
To the clerk: "Can you wait a moment? I'll have to ring my husband."
Punches a few keys on mobile and waits.
"Hello. This is Sara. Can I talk to Tony?" Pause. "It's a bit of an emergency. Will you interrupt him for me?" Pause. "Ta."
"Hi darling. I'm at the shops and I must have taken your bank card by mistake. I need your PIN." Pause. "£3.41" Pause. "You know I never carry cash. Just give me the sodding PIN." Pause. "Thanks."
Hands card back to clerk who swipes it again. Woman enters numbers into terminal. "Will you be home for dinner?" He appears to have hung up; possibly to initiate divorce proceedings.
Have I pointed out that she still hasn't bagged her coffee, mangoes and garlic?
Have I mentioned that this was all for fucking three pounds and forty-one pence?
I am now off to a corner to do some deep breathing exercises and possibly to break something.
1 comment:
I have long been of the opinion that supermarkets should have tills set aside for "blokes on their own who will not be completely surprised at being asked for payment".
Paying for £56.78 of groceries with *exactly* the right change (mostly coins) would also be prohibited.
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