Straight to DVD

This important news release comes to us courtesy of Christian News Wire. It asks, but unfortunately does not answer, many questions critical to thinking men and women everywhere.

"Are the signs of the 'End Times' all around us?"

Jesus. You'd think they don't watch the news.

"What signs should we be watching for in the news?"

Just watch. It's really quite self-evident.

"How close are we to the End Times?"

Well there are only two years and a bit left in Bush's term. Just work back from there.

"Is it really possible to see into the future?" (Hint: "Christians know the Old and New Testament prophets did it with astonishing accuracy.")

Absolutely. Just come watch me at the track.

But all of this is to prepare us for the momentous news that

Grizzly Adams® Productions, producers of family friendly network TV/DVD shows, has announced the October 2006 release of their new TV/DVD program, End Times: How Close Are We? The show will air on hundreds of TV stations through several Christian broadcast networks and will also be available in Christian retail stores as a full-length DVD with two hours of bonus features, including a church-wide study curriculum. (Do the two hours of bonus features push the time of the Rapture(TM) two hours further into the future?)

The host of the programme is none other than "World-renowned biblical prophecy author and archaeologist, Dr. J. Randall Price". His website, worldofthe bible.com" is there to provide "instruction for proper biblical interpretation, prophetic awareness, and spiritual growth".

The news release goes on to tell us

"When it was written, nearly 30 percent of the Bible’s content was prophetic. Today nearly all of these prophecies have come to pass, with only a handful of predictions that have yet to be fulfilled, including the predictions of the End Times."

I did not know that. Is there a database somewhere that I may learn of this miraculous 30% prophecy rate?

Finally they inform us that

End Times: How Close Are We? tackles disturbing questions with the help of a surprising ally––modern science and technology. In addition to religious scholars and historians, scientists, including geologists, climatologists, vulcanologists ("Beam me up Scotty") and others weigh in on recent events and their potential ties to ancient prophecy and the coming end of the world.

I wait with bated breath.