What are the sandwich rules for red alert?

Anyone flying out of Stansted airport will be relieved to know that the guidelines for allowable substances in carry baggage have been relaxed.

The advice on sandwiches is particularly helpful:

The sandwich filling should be a hard substance rather than liquid – something plain like ham or solid cheese.

Liquid filling? What the hell they bring in for lunch? Where does this leave the Fluffernutter*? After all marshmallow fluff falls somewhere between solid and liquid doesn't it?

Other interesting topics for the security Q&A:

Can I carry gas hair tongs in my cabin baggage?

No, this should be packed in your hold luggage and checked-in.

We are transferring bone marrow and stem cells out of the country – can we carry in our hand luggage?

The Anthony Nolan Trust should be notified and they in turn should Fax the details to security. (Author's note: I certainly hope no one is thinking of smuggling foetal stem cells into America.)

How can you assure me that there will be no terrorists on my plane? I would also like to know what checks you make on all the staff working at the airport - how do you know there are no terrorists working in security? Or smuggling bombs on planes via the food that is put onto the planes?

The current state of heightened security in the UK is unprecedented, so I can understand your concerns regarding your flight. We are strictly regulated by the Department for Transport who have always had procedures in place for us to follow to ensure adequate aviation security. We have processes in place for searching and screening both passengers and their luggage prior to their entry to restricted areas - this also includes screening of the catering provisions. In addition, there are stringent procedures for screening all our employees prior to joining the airport’s workforce. These procedures are constantly reviewed, especially in such situations as the current security alert. (Author's note: passengers will however undoubtedly be relieved to know that Evo Morales won’t be a fellow passenger.)

Can I carry sports equipment such as flippers and fishing tackle in my cabin baggage?

Yes, but only if it fits within your dimensions. There are limitations on sharp objects and so you should double-check none of your equipment is covered by those restrictions. (So if you are three dimensional don't even try to sneak four dimensional flippers on board!)

*In related news the War on Fluff(TM) is well and truly joined in Massachusetts. (This should not be confused with a war on fluffing which is something completely different.