Hey! Maybe this could work with Captain Codpiece

A teacher in California who is a member of the Religious Society of Friends has been sacked from her job for inserting a signing statement into her loyalty oath*. Marianne Kearney-Brown inserted the word "non-violently" into her signed statement and that was enough to get the axe.

It's not the story, it's how you cover it

For example I can imagine that some lofty group like Answers in Genesis will cover this story with something like the following headline.

Prominent scientists says that Darwin was wrong about the wild origin of the chicken!

Just it time for the weekend!

A nice big burst of Schadenfreude. Baron Black of Crossharbour has to go to jail like the common criminal that he is.

Damn meddling socialist Europeans

How dare they try to tell us how to run things in a bit of Cuba that isn't even part of our country!

Jesus - it never ends with these guys

The US Environmental Protection Agency has sacked a top scientist after pressure from the chemical industry that she is not biased in their favour.

And this is a problem how?

According to the eminent Lord Mancroft, one of the hereditary twats peers still left in the House of Lords, the nurses at his local NHS hospital in Bath are "grubby, drunken and promiscuous". I suggest Lord Mancroft go private and leave the NHS nurses for those of us who like them that way!

Will the sub-prime crisis claim another scalp?

Will Michael Jackson lose Neverland? Does anyone actually care?

No Child Left Behind indeed!

Sad, sad, sad. But just the kind of uneducated voters the politicians will love and optionless employees the service industry needs!

Just like a $20 streewalker after the john runs off without paying...

...the Republi-cons are bemoaning the fact that the nation's telecoms companies aren't coming up with the cash now that Bush's party has dropped its trousers and grabbed its ankles to get the companies a great big get-out-of-jail-free card!

Shame, innit?

Today in infamy - "now how did that spit get in my hair?" edition

Five years ago today then deputy defense secretary Paul Wolfowitz assured the US Congress that less than 100,000 troops would be needed to secure Iraq.

Here's some footage of Wolfie in action!

Bring the troops Prince home now!

Thanks to the Drudge Report's hard working investigating slime merchants journalists Prince Harry has had to be recalled from service in Afghanistan because he is in danger!

He is (or was) a bloody soldier in a war zone OF COURSE HE'S IN FUCKING DANGER.

I have nothing against the young man personally but I don't see why he is allowed to be in the armed forces if his life is deemed any more valuable than any other soldier. If he is not to be allowed to serve then he must resign. (Aren't we paying him for just being him in the first place?)

Attention Crystal Palace supporters!

Black arm bands should be the order of the day if you're going to tomorrow's away match. Mike Smith, lead singer of the Dave Clark Five, has died.

And don't forget to sing this....



(And a win would be nice as well.)

Shorter Charles Krauthammer

"It's OK to find new meaning in the Constitution as long as it is a meaning that I approve of."

(How many blow jobs did lobbyists have to give him before he wrote this sack of excrement?)

Hypocrite hoisted on his own petard

Republi-con Congressman Jack Kingston tries to explain that it is OK not to wear a US flag lapel pin whilst criticising Barack Obama for not wearing a US flag lapel pin as long as one intends to wear a US flag lapel pin. Do enjoy it.



All of which earns a reprise for John Prine's "Your Flag Decal Won't Get You into Heaven Anymore".

I do believe he is losing his mind

In another snippet from yesterday's rare Captain Codpiece press conference, available to be seen at Crooks and Liars Our Great Leader asserts that it is "patently unfair" not to give telecommunications companies after the fact immunity for breaking the law. He pounds the podium and, for just a moment, I thought he was going to cry.

Is it proof of Godwin's Law...

...if I now accuse Israeli Deputy Defence Minister Matan Vilnai of Nazi-like speech after he threatens Gazans with a holocaust? Of course Mr. Vilnai says that the Gazans are bringing this holocaust upon themselves which is something that the real Nazis never would have said about the Jews. Right?

Will the buck stop here?

Not bloody likely as the once mighty US dollar crashes against the Euro and the yen.

Gold up. Oil up. Economic prospects - down.

And all without a constitution!

The European Court of Justice has prevented Italy from deporting a Tunisian terror suspect to his home country citing an absolute right to protection from torture. I wonder if this can be used to void the one sided US-UK extradition agreement.

The 1% (non)solution

One out of every ninety nine adults in America is in prison at an annual cost of over 55 billion USD and not one of them is I. Lewis "Scooter" Libby.

And damned right too!

The brave nation of Turkey has refused to submit to the calls of the cowardly cut and runners in the US administration and will not commit to timetable for its withdrawal from Iraq. After all we all know that setting a timetable for withdrawal means that the evil doers have won.

Hey, wait just one minute, the Turks are pulling out! The terrorists hiding behind the US military in non-existent Kurdistan have won!

Out of touch...out of (his) mind

Captain Codpiece displayed his ability for keeping in touch with the common man by being surprised at the prospect of $4.00 a gallon gasoline.

"Wait, what did you just say? You're predicting $4-a-gallon gasoline?...That's interesting. I hadn't heard that. . . . I know it's high now."

I guess they don't speculate on petrol prices on the Cartoon Channel.

(Note to Americans: 4 USD a US gallon is still ridiculously cheap and the product would still be priced less then the damage it does! The current British price is around £1.05 a litre which comes to just under 8 USD a US gallon.)

Baseball banned in Italy!!!

Yes - America's national sport will no longer be played in Italy now that an Italian court has ruled it illegal for men to scratch their balls in public. Nose picking still allowed as far as I can tell.

I just can't decide

I caught the second half of Captain Codpiece's press conference. Was he testily arrogant or arrogantly testy?

A wee reminder

In case you had forgot that neither the insurance industry nor the omniscient, omnipotent, omnipresent invisible hand of the market deserves a place in ensuring that all Americans have adequate access to health care read this.

918,142 and counting*

Sometime this summer the US government's terrorist watch list will get it's millionth name. It could be you!


*As of 14:12 GMT 28/2/08

R.I.P.

Drummer Buddy Miles, perhaps better known today as the voice of the "California Raisins" then for his stint with Jimi and the Band of Gypsies, has died.

Here he is with Carlos & "Them Changes"

But if the generals quit...

...then they won't be "Generals on the ground" anymore and Captain Codpiece won't have to listen to them anymore. The Times reports that a group of top US brass has promised to resign if he (illegally) attacks Iran. According to sources in the British Department of Defence:

"There are four or five generals and admirals we know of who would resign if Bush ordered an attack on Iran...There is simply no stomach for it in the Pentagon, and a lot of people question whether such an attack would be effective or even possible...All the generals are perfectly clear that they don’t have the military capacity to take Iran on in any meaningful fashion. Nobody wants to do it and it would be a matter of conscience for them...“There are enough people who feel this would be an error of judgment too far for there to be resignations." (Emphasis mine.)

Of course should it come to this expect the chorus of accusations from the neo-con draft dodging community of "traitors" and "cowards".

Be very, very afraid

That's what the Republic-cons want you to be and they have a new ad to help you on your way.

I must give them credit for picking the right "artist" for the voice over though.

R.I.P.

William F. Buckley Jr - 1925 - 2008. I didn't agree with him often but he was bloody smart, articulate, witty and willing to listen to an argument until the current crop of right wing toads, on all counts.

Lies, damn lies...

...and Philly tour guides. My personal favourite? "George Washington and Abraham Lincoln ate together at the Powel House."

Sixties flashback?

Somehow this story about the vault full of plant seeds now carefully hidden away in Norway's Arctic North so that they will be available after humanity destroys the planet and itself harks back to the bad old days of the Cold War (and my childhood).

IDF dodges another close one

The Israeli Defence Force, so named because they never engage in anything but defense, has, after careful consideration of all of the facts in evidence have found that the IDF is in no way responsible for the killing of 21 innocent Palestinians, including 7 children, in Beit Hanoun a little over a year ago.

Nice one guys!

News from the Sunshine State

A Republican lawmaker wants the state of Florida to issue Confederate Heritage vanity license plates. This is a very bad idea on so many different levels that it will probably pass with a two thirds majority.

"Take a memo to Secretary Gates"

Dear Secretary Gates,

Perhaps you were unaware that a "first in, first out" (FIFO) policy is generally considered best practice that the "last in, first out" (LIFO) policy that you seem to be recommending is generally reserved for situations where it is expedient to defer or understate profits; hardly the case here. (Refer to Generally Accepted Accounting Principles for further guidance.) You should therefore consider retracting your statement at the earliest opportunity.

Thanks for listening and good luck in your next job.

Sincerely,

Yank in London

Unsubtle, probably ineffective

Comcast Corporation hired ringers to fill the seats at an FCC hearing on net neutrality; probably to keep opponents of their policies from being heard.

Call me hard hearted...

...but I have little to no sympathy for Americans as regards "high" petrol prices. Even if the price reaches $4.00 a US gallon it will still be well below the retail level in most western countries. It is not as if there hasn't been every sign for the past 20 years that an oil crunch was coming and yet the American people have consciously chosen to ignore it and live a profligate life style driving obscenely large and inefficient automobiles, living in obscenely large homes that are obscenely distant from their place of employment.

Sorry - but I'm not not sorry!

By the way the fact that the dollar is worth shit because of a chronically mismanaged economy might have something to with the price of "gas", don't you think?

I felt the earth move under my feet

Actually I didn't but it seems that we had the worst earthquake since 1984 at around 1 AM this morning. I do recall waking up at some point but whether it was the quake or just a bog standard waking up in the middle of the moment I will probably never know.

The gang that can't shoot straight

These guys can't get anything right can they? The right side of political spectrum in America has been lauding the "draw down" of US troops from Iraq after the "success" of the surge. The only problem with this is that once the "draw down" is complete there will be more American soldiers in Iraq than there were a year before. I am certain that this incredible success story will be of great comfort to the families and loved ones of the additional troops in Iraq, not to mention to the soldiers themselves.

Too good to be true?

Senator Larry Craig (Not-Now-and-Never-Has-Been-Gay - ID) is looking for summer interns. Although not noted on his website it is believe that width of stance will be a primary consideration in the selection process.

"Goo goo g'joob, goo goo goo g'joob"

He is the Egg Man! Republican Presidential Not-So-Hopeful-Anymore, Mike Huckabee has endorsed a proposed Colorado state constitutional amendment that would magically turn fertilised eggs into human beings!

Will this instantly make everyone 9 months older (or in my case, I was a premie, 7 1/2 months)?

Today in infamy - "big hair - bad music" edition

On this day in 1953 Michale Bolton was born. I will say no more (and pray that no Michael Bolton songs now get stuck in my head).

News from the Grapefruit League!

Roger Clemens to throw batting practices to minor leaguers.

Minor leaguers demand urine sample first!

Now this is a relief

There was panic in the streets of Philadelphia area after it was believed that there was a WILD BEAR loose in the city* after the discovery of suspicious footprints off Bryn Mawr Avenue. After the city finally tracked down a public servant who could count past three it was determined that the prints where left by a dog, admittedly a big one. Dogs have four toes; bears have five.

*Why the presence of an unarmed bear in a city that has more than one murder per day should be a cause for concern is beyond my understanding.

BREAKING NEWS! YANK IN LONDON EXCLUSIVE!

Following on from the incredible and disturbing revaltions on the Drudge Report that Barack Obama once wore a turban on a visit to Africa, an act which obviously unmasks him as a (not so well) hidden Muslim, I provide conclusive proof below that Laura Bush is also a closet Muslim! This is clearly big news. Shouldn't Captain Codpiece have told us he was half of a mixed marriage?

Incurious Clarence

America's favourite Supreme Court Justice, Clarence Thomas, has bothered to ask a question in oral arguments before the court in over two years (or 142 cases if you are counting). He's probably just too busy counting the pubic hairs on the rim of his Coke can.

$3,000,000,000,000.00

Nobel prize winning economist Joseph Stiglitz tells us that the illegal war in Iraq in going to cost one trillion greenbacks.

Did I get the zeroes right?

How low will they go?

Baring an unexpected success of the "Draft Yank in London" effort at the Democratic National Convention this summer it looks like the Republi-cons will be running against either a mixed race man with African ancestry or a woman. They are therefore interested in discovering just how much sexism/racism (pick one) the American people will tolerate.

Well based on past performance we know that they will go as low as possible.

Just wondering

Is it a bad omen for the campaign of John McCain that No Country for Old Men cleaned up at the Oscars this weekend?

This is going to mean a whole lot of remakes

It seems that the Vikings were much more concerned with their sartorial splendor than we have thought to date.

A taste of things to come?

As the planet increasingly struggles to feed its human inhabitants wheat prices soar. It can only grow worse.

I don't know about you...

...but I think this looks more like Casper than Jesus.

Ah, childhood memories

In fifteen or twenty years time how many young adults are going to look fondly back on their Spongebob Squarepants musical rectal thermometer? Not very many I reckon, not very many at all. I mean who wants to hear music coming out of their arse, even if they are ill?

(Will there be a collectors market for this? As long as the item is in the original packaging and unused of course.)

Today in infamy - special heavyweight edition

On this day in 1964 Cassius Clay beat Sonny Liston to become heavyweight champion of the world. And the rest, as they say, is history.

Why can't Yanks act?

All the acting Oscars are won by Europeans.

Surely this is treason!

The proprietors of some posh New York shops have started accepting Euros (because the US dollar is now worth shit)!

1.00 USD = 0.675415 EUR

1.00 USD = 0.509087 GBP

Why commercial pilots shouldn't have a sense of adventure

(Or in this case ex-pilot.) It is not a good idea to buzz an airport's control tower in a passenger jet, especially if the airline's chairman is safely tucked away in first class.

Mark your calendars!

14 March is Talk Like a Physicist Day. I may give it a try on the day but I suspect I will quickly be found out.

An endorsement too far?

I am not at all certain that having Louis Farrakhan singing his praises is going to aid Barack Obama in either the primaries or the general election, should he win the nomination. It will certainly give the wingnuts one more target at which to aim.

Let them eat (fairy) cake

A 34 year-old man has died in a bar in Wales after choking whilst competing in a fairy cake eating contest.


Americans will know the pastry by another name I think.

To the victor goes the spoils

So I guess the news that Western oil companies are queuing up to get at Basra's oil means we have declared victory! (Can we leave now?)

In case you've forgotten why...

...the insurance industry neither deserves nor can be allowed a place in any universal health plan for the United States read this. The only problem is with the award is that the punitive damages aren't nearly enough.

Here we go again

Let me preface this by saying that I neither dislike nor hate Ralph Nader. I think he has quite a lot of good things to say and that I probably agree with him more often than I do with members of either of the so-called "major" parties. Nonetheless until the US Presidential election process is reformed so that a majority, as opposed to a plurality, of the popular vote is required to win his candidacy for the presidency can only harm one party.

Will he make a difference? Quite possibly. If he can take enough Democratic votes in one of the big swing states (Ohio, Florida, Pennsylvania) to allow McCain to get the electoral votes the answer is "yes he can".

We're all going to die!!!!

Wait a second; no we're not! Ever so sorry (and this wasn't really a lie).

The Green Zone - it's the safest place in Baghdad

It's just not all that safe.

Swiftboating was nothing!

Here we go! The right wing Zionist lobby is getting ready to smear Osama, possibly because of his middle name, as an anti-Judaist! Fasten your seat belts.

Wait just one second!

I thought timetables for withdrawal were evil, a sign of surrender and ensured that the terrorists and associated evil doers would win. So how come US Secretary of Defense Robert Gates wants Turkey to set a timetable for withdrawal from Iraq? Aren't they fighting the Eternal Global War on Terra too?

John and his friends

Coutesy of The Real McCain.

What's the question that's on everyone's lips?

"Who does Osama bin Laden want to be the next President?" of course!

And who better to ask it Faux News? Fair and balanced is as fair and balanced does.

A Wikileaks non-Wikileak

Thanks to the Guardian I now know that one can still access the original Wikileaks site, despite the recent extra-Constitutional court injunction, by using the IP address directly; 88.80.13.160!

And now so do you!

The ex-General's pout

Captain Codpiece's good mate Pakistani "President" Pervez "The ex-General" Musharraf is in a grumpy mood now that he hasn't got his way in his country's most recent exceedingly free, fair and peaceful elections! But the US still thinks he's just the ticket, irrespective of what the Pakistani people might have indicated.

I just love democracy.

Today in infamy - "I'm sure the Cubans thought it was a good idea at the time" edition

On this date in 1903 the President of the United States signed a lease with Cuba that granted the US the rights to a coaling station on the island. Said coaling station is now the site of the US run Guantánamo Bay Beach and Leisure Resort.

And the Cubans would like it back!

Your attention please!

The punter in Thirsk, North Yorkshire, who put a 50p bet down on an eight race accumulator at odd of 2,000,000-1, and won, was not me. I repeat it was not me.

Bollocks!

At loose ends in the DC area this weekend?

Here's something to do in nearby Herndon! Sounds like no end of fun. Bring a packed lunch; I wouldn't trust these folks to cook!

Poor SMU

It has finally been officially announced that, despite considerable opposition for the student body and faculty, Southern Methodist University has been the unlucky winner of the Captain Codpiece Library Sweepstakes. I reckon SMU can consider itself lucky that, as the library will house both every book the Captain has read and details of his accomplishments that the venerable institution is to be housed in an unused toilet cubicle in the Junior Varsity cheerleaders' locker room!

Faux favourites?

Why, one might reasonably ask, is the FCC applying a strange new formula to determine the fine due from the Faux network for indecency? Instead of 1.2 million USD Faux is facing a fine of only 91,000 USD because only outlets in areas from which complaints were received are included. Does this rule apply to all networks or only those owned by Murdoch?

Now that's entertainment

Captain Codpiece demonstrates how he got his Indian name, Dances-Like-White-Man, whilst on the second leg of his Legacy '08 Tour in Liberia.

Now this is important McCain news!

On of the co-chairs of Senator McCain's campaign committee in Arizona, House Rep. Rick Renzi (obviously Republican - AZ), has been indicted 35 counts of extortion, embezzlement, money laundering. What a great way to start your day.

Rep. Renzi has already announced he will not stand for re-election as he wants to spend more time being visited by his family.

Be afraid. Be very, very afraid!

That is the message of this GOP video that mourns the lack of immunity for telecoms companies (and which is somehow lacking a mushroom cloud at the end).

Losing our religion

Over 50% of Britons admit to having no religion.

Perhaps the US would be more comfortable finding a more religious nation, perhaps Iran would be a good choice, with which to have its Special Relationship now.

Is this irony?

The United States Environmental "Protection" Agency has released a list of the country's 20 biggest polluters.

At number four - Envirosafe Service of Ohio for it's facility in Oregon Ohio.

I, for one, think he's worth it!

Ryan Howard has won his arbitration case with the Phillies and been awarded a one year, 10 million USD (£5.2 million) contract.


Now will you sign the son of a bitch to a long term deal?! Please.

I can now reveal to you...

... that Barack Obama has won my (less than) local primary, and that I helped. I really wanted to vote Kucinich but didn't see the point (drop him some change if you can - he's in a dog fight for his seat) so I opted for "change".

Not because I think it is time that America has a black President.

Not because I think it is time that America has a mixed race President.

Not because I think it is (or is not) time that America has a woman President.

But because I think it is time that America has a President younger than me.

[Sigh]

What gives?

Even I am not cynical enough, and trust me I am plenty cynical, to attribute the order from the US Secret Service to stop weapons screening at an Obama event in Texas to anything more that complete and utter incompetence. Right?

You can't even have a bumper sticker on your automobile if you want to get into see Captain Codpiece!

Perhaps they should stop counting

Annual inflation in Zimbabwe reaches 100,000%, or about 2% a day. Does money have any meaning at all?

Where is the "War on Prescription Drugs"?

Or do the political donations from the pharmaceutical industry make it immune from criticism now that prescription drug abuse is killing as many or more Americans that illegal drugs?

I'm just asking.

Not that these twats are ever embarrassed by anything...

...but it is possible that they could be embarrassed when the former chief military prosecutor at the Guantánamo Bay Beach and Leisure Club, one Col. Morris Davis, testifies for the defence in one of these show free and fair trials!

Is he running for Panderer-in-Chief?

John McCain, who has a long history of opposition to torture, has begun to swing the other way now that he appears all but ordained as the Republican Presidential nominee. First he voted against a measure that would explicitly prohibited the CIA from using waterboarding and now he thinks that Captain Codpiece should veto the measure.

Why can't he just use one of those signing statement things and ignore it instead?

The Turks are coming! The Turks are coming!

Thousands of Turkish soldiers have entered northern Iraq, an act that is clearly unnecessary as the heroic American invasion some years ago removed American client evil dictator Saddam Hussein who was responsible for threatening the neighbours. Haven't the Turks heard that peace is upon us?

You may never hear this again

For a moment, yes only a moment Rush "Talking Chins" Limbaugh is left speechless after one of his own listeners tells him a Barack Obama victory would not mean racism is dead in America.

I hope you enjoy it!

They left out paedophilia, masturbation and nose picking!

Via Gizmode comes this comes this extract from a RIAA training video which explains how music piracy leads to drug abuse and terrorism.

We're all gonna die!

Today in infamy - special Geno's Steaks edition

Today is International Mother Language Day. UNESCO calls on us this day to:

(a) create the conditions for a social, intellectual and media environment of an international character which is conducive to linguistic pluralism;

(b) promote, through multilingual education, democratic access to knowledge for all citizens, whatever their mother tongue, and build linguistic pluralism.

Don't tell the English only folks!

I'd rather he had given up illegally invading sovereign nations and illegal wiretapping

But I reckon we have to take what we can get. It seems that Captain Codpiece has given up chocolate for Lent. Bless.

Today in infamy - one more dead Muslim edition

On this date in 1965 Malcolm X was assassinated.

He's been down so god-damned long...

...he's looking up at Nixon! Captain Codpiece's approval rating falls to 19%. Who the fuck are these people?

Not for the faint of heart (or those with even-close-to-perfect pitch)

Along with "journalist" and "political commentator" we now know that the jobs for which Michelle Malkin is unsuited include "singer" and "satirist"!

If you're a bloke out on the pull...

...don't forget to take your ultrasound. Should you get lucky you'll apparently need the equipment to locate the "G" spot. Thanks a lot Dr. Jannini.

Don't tell the right wing Christians but...

...in Israel "it's OK to be gay". At least until Shlomo Benziri gets his way. Good luck with the earthquakes Shlomo!

Welcome the state of Florida to the 19th century!

The state's education department has authorised the use of the word "evolution" for the first time in the science classes of the state's public schools.

Proving they can plan ahead and that they are unafraid of what the future will bring the state also promises to launch their IT "Year 2K" remediation project in 2206.

Truth in the margins

The new 11th commandment? Thou shalt not criticise Israel (or Japan or the US) whilst justifying war on Iraq.

Bug me once shame on me

Bug me twice shame on you. The Guardian reports that Scotland Yard bugged MP Sadiq Khan (L - Tooting) not once but twice during confidential meetings with a constituent. The conversations between Khan and Babar Ahmad included discussions of a law suit that Ahmad was bringing against the Commissioner of the Metropolitan Police for alleging assault by police officers.

The end of a beautiful friendship?

The British Foreign Secretary David Miliband has been forced to apologise after suddenly becoming aware of the fact that the United States violated British and international law by using British airspace and air fields to conduct at least two illegal "extraordinary rendition" flights. No response from the Yanks as yet.

She'll get a fair lynching

Tireless defender of truth, justice and the American Way*, Bill-o O'Reilly has done it again. He promises not to lynch Michelle Obama unless she deserves it!

*Not to forget the right to discuss loofahs in the privacy of your own phone.

Will the surge end on Saturday?

Or at least the highly lauded (mostly by the right) "success" of the surge might come to its end. The unilateral cease fire by Shi'a cleric Muqtada al-Sadr's Mahdi Army expires on Saturday and there is every indication that he will not extend it.

Did you seen the moon last night?

Yeah, me neither. Once again the Met Office was wrong. I'd set the alarm for about half one with the intent of walking over to a local sports ground to watch the eclipse. Looked out the window; saw lot's of cloud cover; went back to sleep.

Today in infamy - Bush family tree edition

On this day, 101 years ago, President Teddy Roosevelt signed a law that prevented "idiots, imbeciles, feebleminded persons, epileptics, [and] insane persons". Unfortunately for humanity the Bush family had already arrived on these shores.

"You go to war with the army you have left"*

The US armed forces are terribly overstretched by two occupations and reduced recruitment and the officer corps is worried whilst the civilian draft dodgers they report to remain unconcerned.

*Insincere apologies to Donald Rumsfeld.

War is Peace! Black is White!

Down is Up!. Bush trumpets increase in African aid to fight disease when spending will actually be down year on year. "You don’t want to pile up money" said Captain Codpiece, undoubtedly with that smug, annoying chuckle of his.

So, if they like, fucking miss...

...can we be shot of all of this son-of-the-son-of-the-son-of-the-son-of-star-wars rubbish for once and for all?

As goes Kosovo...

...so goes Palestine? I eagerly await Captain Codpiece, or whoever may be American President at the time, saying (of the new Palestinian state) that "we believe it will bring peace" or, going further:

"There's a disagreement but we believe as many other nations do that history will prove this to be the correct move."

All within several hours of the announcement as well!

You say say "Obama"! You show "Osama"! Let's call the whole thing off.

Here we go again. And don't think these things don't stick with enough people to make a difference, which is the real reason anorexic pund-ette Ann Coulter is pimping herself to any sad show that will have her to refer to the Senator from Illinois as B. Hussein Obama.

Clearly these were people who never needed to get south of the river!

London’s black cabs have been voted the best in the world in a poll of travellers. Since 99% of the hotels in which the voters would have stayed would have been north of the river they will never have heard the, probably illegal words, "ain't goin' there mate".

Yes - they are quaint. Yes - they almost always now where they are going. Yes - if you are "lucky" you will get an opinionated cabby who will chew your ear off in a dialect distantly related to English.

But they won't go south of the river and therefore they must be spurned!

OK - I was wr-wr-wr-wr-wr-ong!

Yesterday I accused the owner of Harrods, and long time resident of Cloud Cuckooland, Mohamed al Fayed, of getting it wrong when he testified that Prince Philip was a Nazi who should be shipped back to Germany. I did not, I should note, question the Nazi allegation but rather that he was a German. Since he had Greek citizenship before he started schtupping the Queen I just assumed that he was great and his wife, Elizabeth Saxe-Coburg-Gotha, was the German. It turns out that they both are German with Philip being descended from the Danish-German Schleswig-Holstein-Sonderburg-Glucksburg family who apparently have been provided royalty to order for European dynasties for centuries. (Do they get a royal warrant for that?)

I am terribly sorry for any confusion caused.

Will we see the moon tonight?

There will be a total lunar eclipse tomorrow morning, starting around 1:45 AM. Whether we get to see it or not is a separate matter. If the Met Office is to be believed, ever dubious, we may just get lucky with cloud not showing up till around 6 AM. The Yanks may just get lucky as well.

Thank you Mohamed!

I doubt it was worth the money the still ongoing 27th inquest in the deaths of D-squared (Diana and Dodi) is costing the British taxpayer but there was significant entertainment value in the testimony of Mohamed al Fayed yesterday. He is clearly living in Cloud Cuckoo Land.

My favourite bit is when he called Prince Philip a Nazi, this might be the most lucid he was all day, but then he ruined the moment when he got all muddled up and suggest that the Prince should be "sent back to Germany". Mohamed everyone knows that Philip is a Greek. It's the Queen (Elizabeth Saxe-Coburg-Gotha) who is German!

Well they all look alike don't they?

Chinese or not, I can't tell only pharmaceutical plant from another. I can't see why the US Food and Drug Administration should be held to higher standards. Curiously, there has been a spate of problems with drugs produced by the un-inspected plant. But don't worry. This is the type of problem that the omniscient, omnipotent and omnipresent invisible hand of the free market will sort out in short order.

Quote of the day

American Director of National "Intelligence" Mike McConnell reinforces Snuggly Bear's salient point:

"However, that's not the real issue. The issue is liability protection for the private sector." (Emphasis mine.)

Well at least, unlike most of his colleagues on Captain Codpiece's team, he's honest.

If you must frisk...

...frisk responsibly. Ah, the old home town newspaper. Well actually the truly local paper was the Kennett Square Advertiser. Does that still exist?

Be afraid. Be very, very afraid

Go over to Crooks and Liars and watch this video. These people want to run your country, and mine. The older women, fair enough, but the young woman is truly scary.

Pay attention now. He'll only be saying this once!

Snuggly Bear explains why immunity for lawbreakers is more important than your miserable, stinking life!

Now why didn't I think of this?

Well this goes to show why he's "The Most Powerful Man on the Planet" and I am not. I would never have thought that the way to end the long standing humanitarian disaster in Darfur is simply to say that it must end. Captain Codpiece can leap large crises in a single bound.

A new champion for the common man

The new and onerous London congestion charge on gas guzzlers, Chelsea tractors and other modern annoyances is to be challenged, in the name of the man on the Clapham omnibus, by Porsche.

Headline of the day

"Sex with dead model 'was wrong'"

Unminced words

Those damn meddling Europeans. From the office of the Council of Europe's Commissioner for Human Rights.

"Torture and other cruel, inhuman or degrading treatment or punishment are prohibited under international law. No exceptions are allowed, ever. Torture was made unthinkable – or at least impossible to defend - after the ban had been inscribed in United Nations human rights treaties, the humanitarian Geneva Conventions and the European Convention on Human Rights. This great achievement in the struggle against barbarity and for human rights must now be defended.

International watch mechanisms have been established to ensure that states adopt measures to uphold these treaties and to condemn any practices of torture when they occur. The European Committee for the Prevention of Torture (CPT) has also authority to make unannounced visits to places of detention.

This is not a theoretical debate – torture has continued to be used on a distressing scale, also in recent times. The proper response is to strengthen the existing mechanisms. It is therefore shocking that misdirected counter-terrorism strategies are now challenging the very consensus against torture.

The devious “ticking bomb” argument has returned and even been taken seriously by some leading opinion makers, not least in the United States where it has been used to defend one of the most cruel torture methods, the so-called water boarding (mock drowning). (Emphasis mine.)

Read the rest.

Are you listening Washington?

Cow Horse fled barn? Tick

Close gate? Tick.

The USDA has decided, for undisclosed reasons, to step up inspections at abattoirs.

So like , how many cows are we talking here?

The USDA has ordered the largest meat recall in history forcing a California abattoir to get back 143 million pounds of meat or its production for the past two years. The recall was ordered because Hallmark Meat Packing failed to keep diseased animals out of the food chain.

Now it would be my guess that most of this 70,000+ tons of mince has already gone done American gullets and as almost a quarter of the meat was destined for schools you can guess whose gullets it has gone down.

Yep. This self-regulation thing is a real winner, innit?

Not to be out done by Pennsylvania...

...where Jesus has appeared in a tree, or not dependent on your point of view, Texas is now claiming its own Virgin Mary on a tree. The miracle was discovered by James Cardenas when he was having a fag outside. There is no information as to what it was James was smoking at the time.

I think Faux News is worried hackers might be Democrats (or Benidict Arnold supporters)

They've finally noticed that electronic voting machines are highly vulnerable to fraud.



Go figure.

Do the people this man works for...

...care so much for money that he can say anything without repercussions? The following repugnant vomitus is offensive on so many levels that I don't know where to begin; so I won't. You just have to listen to Glenn Beck to understand.

Those of you who pray

Say a prayer for Javona Peters who has tragically died at the age of 16. Ms. Peters had been in a coma since October after complications related to surgery and was set to become another pawn to played by the "right to lifers" as the estranged father and mother disagreed over her care and her mother wished to have her feeding tube removed. Javona died before a court fight ensued.

May she rest in peace.

Mitt the (possibly illegal) Migrant?

This is probably not true but I do so wish that it is. One would assume that discovering that Mitt Romney is descended from illegal Mexican immigrants would pretty much scuttle any thought he might have at failing to win the Republican nomination in 2012.

A day without the "argument from oranges"...

...is like a day without sunshine. Let this not be that day!



This is why democracy will never work. I guarantee that this guy hasn't been struck off the voter roles in Florida!

Balkans to the boil again?

So the Kosova Republikė has declared that it exists. Now what? The world community is harshly divided over the fate of the Albanian majority republic/Serbian province. The EU is primarily, but not unanimously, in favour. Russia is unalterably opposed as is Republika Srbija. China is leaning to the Russian position.

As for the US? The State Department is rather cautiously saying that "the United States is reviewing this issue and discussing it with its European partners" and is calling "on all parties to exercise the utmost restraint and to refrain from any provocative act". Meanwhile the anti-diplomat Captain Codpiece, currently on the second leg of his "Legacy '08 Tour" in Africa has unreservedly endorsed the declarations, possibly adding a "Yee-Haw" afterwards.

As I noted yesterday there may be trouble ahead.

Meanwhile over at Global Voices you will find a selection of blog comments displaying joy, concern and anger.

The most troublesome thing is that the oppressed, Kosovan Albanians under Serbian rule, will become the oppressors of the Kosovan Serbs and the vicious and violent circle will start spinning again.

Unhappy memories

This new research into the social dynamics of yellow jackets comes far too late for me. As a child of seven or eight, living in the Pennsylvania country side, I happened to sit down in the grass at the side of our house one day. Unfortunately I did not yet realise that these savage critters often nest in the ground and as my small, flag free buttocks were blocking the entrance to a nest I suffered some hundred or hundred and fifty stings in what is generally a rather tender area of the human anatomy. I shall spare you the gory details but you should understand that the next week to ten days I do not recall amongst the happiest of my life!

Now if we can just get rid of Senior!

Ian Paisley Jr., son of Ian "No Surrender to the IRA" Paisley Sr. has resigned as a minister of the devolved Northern Ireland government.

For libertarian libertines only

There are only about 50 Hotties for Ron Paul pin up calendars left. ACT NOW!!!!

Uh-oh

What if God's on their side? Well She could be, couldn't She?

EXTRA! EXTRA! JFK assassination conspiracy proved!

The Dallas Morning News has announced that a collection of old documents and other items related to the JFK assassination has been uncovered by the Dallas County District Attorney's office. Included in the find, amongst other more mundane things, is an extremely suspect transcript of a conversation purported to have taken place between Lee Harvey Oswald and Jack Ruby in which the two of them plotted to kill the President.

Meanwhile my senior Senator Arlen "Single Bullet" Specter* (R - PA) is concentrating his considerable investigate talents on the scandal that is the National (American) Football League!

*I am always amused that my (proper British) English spell check wants his surname to be “Spectre”.

Murder most foul!

Yes - the entirely ludicrous 17th inquest into the deaths of D-squared (Diana and Dodi) is still ongoing at considerable expense to the British taxpayer. Today, Dodi's father, Mohamed al Fayed, gets to take the stand to declare, completely without evidence of any kind, that the pair were murdered by the Royal Family, MI5 and anyone else that comes to mind. Can't someone please just make it stop?

Déjà vu all over again

Now where have I heard this "quote of the day" from likely Republican presidential nominee John McCain before?

"No new taxes."

I reckon this means he could still raise any and all of the old ones.

(Not as) solid as a Rock

The British government is taking steps to nationalise troubled bank Northern Rock after deals for a private buyout proved unsatisfactory. The government had already shored up the bank to the tune of £29 billion in loans after a run on deposits that saw queues on the nation's High Streets. (For some reason, the Bromley branch was on the front pages of papers for about a week. It must have had something to do with photographic angles and the length of the queue.) Shareholders and erstwhile suitor Richard Branson (Virgin Rock? Northern Virgin?) are outraged as trading in shares has been halted in the City. Chancellor Alistair Darling has pledged that the business will remain in public hands only as long as required to ensure it is stabilised and then it will be re-privatised.

Unlevelling the playing field

Peter Peterson, head of the Blackstone Private Equity Group, is set to devote 1 billion USD of his own personal fortune to establish a "charitable" foundation devoted to the neo-liberal idea of every man, woman and child for themselves and to prevent anything that might narrow the every widening gap between ordinary Americans and Mr. Peterson and his remaining 1.5 billion USD. What a guy! I hope he has enough left to live on.

But is it news?

Suddenly the Guardian is all the rage in art circles. First it was Barthélémy Toguo of the Cameron who used blacked out pages from the newspaper for an exhibit in Gateshead and now Turkish artist Kagan Guner has an exhibit entitled "My Guardian" on display in London.

What gives?

Over to you Charles

I think Dr. Gary Cass, the head of the Christian Anti-Defamation Commission, is dissing Charles Barkley for his remarks the other day about faux Christian conservatives. Dr. Cass seems to think that Charles said that those opposed to abortion and gays could not be real Christians and therefore that Charles himself is not a real Christian. In fact what Charles actually said was "judge not"!

Dr. Cass I fear that you are out of your league.

Bush to Mugabe: "I expect to see a fair election"

Mugabe to Bush: "Florida. Ohio. Now fuck off will you?"

Progress report

Somewhere between 50 and 80 Afghan civilians have been killed by a suicide bomber in Kandahar. Given that the bombing took place at a dog fight venue expect NATO to blame the attack on PETA and say that it is unrelated to the Eternal Global War on Terra!

God's interest rate

A joint study from a law professor and a geographer has found a rather extraordinary correlation between ursurous payday lending and Christian conservative communities in the United States. One of the authors believes that this may be a result of the Christian right coming to terms with Wall Street in the 80's and 90's and casting aside consumer protection legislation as an unnecessary distraction from the business at hand.

Keep 'em in the dark and feed 'em shit!

I grow up a mile or so from Longwood Gardens on the periphery of the self-declared "Mushroom Capital of the World" (was it just Kennett Square or all of southern Chester County?) and as a child I wouldn't eat mushrooms because I knew how you made them. You took horse/cow shit; put it in a warm dark place and, presto change-o, you ended up with mushrooms. The industry always claimed to be struggling first with Taiwanese canneries, then with Irish fresh mushroom exporters and now it the cost of energy. (How much energy does it take to keep things dark?) Despite their current problems I think the industry will survive. It just wouldn't be southern Chester County without that special smell, now would it?

There may be trouble ahead

As expected, the small and divided Serbian province of Kosovo has declared its independence today. There is every chance that this will not end well.

A question for 67% of the American people

Just who the hell do you think has been a worse President than Captain Codpiece (and don't even try trotting out Jimmy Carter)?

All aboard the (Republican) Pervert Express

Here we go again. Maryland Representative Robert McKee (Rep.) has suddenly resigned from office after his home was searched and computers and other materials seized as part of a child pornography investigation. Rep. McGee, who had sponsored several pieces of legislation to protect minors from himself sexual predation, is said to have entered treatment of an undisclosed nature.

Justice still denied

Today's Observer carries an interview with Lotfi Raissi, the Algerian pilot who, as I noted the other day, has been granted leave by the British High Court to pursue compensation for his treatment and the totally false accusations against him. What I did not note is that the reason the Mr. Raissi can travel nowhere except Algeria and cannot work in his chosen profession is because the United States, that nation of laws as Captain Codpiece likes to tells us, still has an international arrest warrant out for him even though all of the charges against him have been disproved! This includes the specious charge that he lied on the application for his pilot's licence by not disclosing knee surgery he had not had. This is the charge that the US originally tried to have him extradited on.

R.I.P.

Steve Gerber, creator of Howard the Duck (and others) - 1947 - 2008.

And hot coals are better than being flayed alive!

Today's quote of the day comes courtesy of Senator Joe "The Only Reason to Be Thankful Gore Lost in 2000" Lieberman (Republicrap - CT) as he discusses water boarding:

"It is not like putting burning coals on people's bodies. The person is in no real danger. The impact is psychological."

Remember you heard it here first!

Just because the National Lawyer's Guild agrees with me doesn't mean it is likely to happen. I am more likely to wake up in bed with Kate Moss tomorrow morning that Scalia is to recuse himself!

Why does anyone take this woman seriously?

Does anyone take anorexic pundette Ann Coulter seriously anymore? Clearly she realises that no one should.

Today in infamy - "Is this Heaven?" "No - it's Delaware" edition

I was born in Delaware and grew up in southern Chester County PA, just over the Delaware line, and there was no escaping the presence of E. I. du Pont de Nemours and Company. There was probably no more auspicious day in the history of the company than February 16, 1937 when DuPont employee Wallace Carothers was awarded the patent on Nylon. How would American soldiers have got laid in WWII without nylon stockings?

Western greed and climate change

The New York Times' Dot Earth blog has an interesting, and compelling, post asking what would happen if everyone in the world emitted greenhouse gas emissions at the same per capita rate as the US or the UK. (It should be noted that this argument will be completely ineffective on someone who believe global warming is an excellent idea and who can't wait to take a beach holiday in Iceland.) As Mr. Revkin notes the current per capita rate of emissions world wide is about 4.4 tons which means about 29 billion tonnes annually. If everyone emitted at the British rate of 10 tonnes per annum world wide emission would be around 66 billion tonnes or an increase of about 125%. If everyone emitted at the incredible American rate of about 20 tonnes world wide emissions would be 132 billion tonnes into the atmosphere every year, a 350% increase! Even the most serious global warming doubters would probably admit that this is not a good thing.

So, what to do. Do Americans, Canadians, Australians and Europeans have the right to spew this waste into the atmosphere simply because they have the money to purchase the products and the lifestyle that creates it? Do companies and consumers have the right to externalise the costs associated with this consumption by transferring the financial implications to those least able to afford it?

I suppose that a true free marketeer would say that they do and the omniscient, omnipresent and omnipotent "invisible hand of the market" will ensure that all ends well. I do not think that way and am capable of seeing that the market in completely impotent in circumstances where foresight and proactive measures are required. This is especially true when, as in this case, these proactive measures are almost certainly in opposition to the short term self interests of those with the most power.

Clearly the first step that will need to be accomplished is to come to agreement as to an acceptable level of emissions would be. By itself this would be no mean feat but let us assume that the world community can reach agreement on this. If this level is higher than current total levels, unlikely, than some growth in total planetary emissions would be allowed. If the level is less then contraction would be required and a timescale, with interim milestones, would have to be agreed. Once again an extremely difficult task but less us assume for the sake of argument that this can be done.

This leaves us with the difficulty of allocation. Unless one believes that some humans have greater God given rights to these emissions than others the equitable mechanism is to allocate the right to emit on a per capita basis worldwide. These rights could then been bought and sold for those with a desire or perceived need to exceed their allocation. The west would clearly being doing much of the buying and developing nations much of the selling leading to a transfer of wealth that would go some way to financing the costs of addressing climate change in the poorer countries.

Why wouldn't this work? I am eagerly awaiting my boost in income!

Jihad alert! Muslim school refuses to allow female referee!

Oh, wait! My mistake. It was a Christian school that refused to allow a woman to officiate a basketball match. That's very different indeed. It is perfectly acceptable for Christians to refuse to allow a woman to have "authority over boys" as that is the way God planned it. (Why She did this is simply unknowable!) Sorry to waste your time.

Why the match was allowed to go on, as apparently was, is beyond me. But that's Kansas for you!

The Round Mound of Rebound speaks!

As I've said before as a short white kid from the country basketball was never really my game. But I did enjoy the years that Dr. J spent in Philly, especially the "Fo Fo Fo" year with Moses Malone, and I also loved the Charles Barkley years, even without a trophy.

Yesterday he had a few things to say about America's Faux Christians.



In case you've forgotten his playing years here's a little taster.



Arise Governor Barkley!

My congratulations go out to Austin

The university town in the great state of Texas has finally made the terrorist target A list. Well done ya'll.

Today in infamy - "that comes to a guinea, a farthing and one of those funny looking little things" edition

On this day in 1971 the United Kingdom quite sensibly adopted decimal currency. I am just thankful that I never came to Britain before then! (Who ever thought 240 was logical number of pence in a pound?)

"A little poison won't hurt 'em. They's mostly poor folks and poor folks is used to poison!"

Hey! What do you know? The US Federal Emergency (Mis)Management Administration has finally admitted that the trailers it has been using to house refugees from the Katrina disaster contain dangerous levels of formaldehyde and might actually do something about it! (Note to FEMA: just making the families homeless is not an adequate response.)

Heckuva job indeed Brownie et al.

Bloody ingrates!

No sooner has the Australian government apologised to the continent’s natives then these self-same natives announce plans to sue. I reckon that they will introduce the apology as a confession of guilt.

Why can't they just get on with their lives?

Today in infamy - "where the hell were you?" edition

On this date in 2001 over a million people took to the streets of London to protest the impending illegal invasion of Iraq. The Prime Minister at the time, St. Tony Blair, apparently spent the day in 10 Downing Street with his fingers in his ears chanting "na - na - na - na - I can't hear you" and then joined Captain Codpiece in the illegal invasion despite the will of the British populace.

I was there. Where the hell were you?

The long arm of the FCC

Denied a US visa Amy Winehouse had to perform at the Grammy Awards via satellite. Despite the fact that she was on free British soil she still had to cover up a tattoo of a topless woman before her performance lest those defenders of the purity of American youth could spot the tattooed nipples from 6,000 miles away! For those of you who are strong enough you can spot one of these offensive nipples in the photo above (on her left arm).

And you think you have the boss from Hell!

It could be far worse. You could be in the employ of Barbara Amiel, aka Mrs. Conrad Black. In her most recent column in Macleans Magazine she discusses her saintly treatment of her 70-year old houseboy, Werner. (Is there no retirement age in Canada?) Werner, whose father apparently once was chauffeur for Joseph Goebbels, is less than enamoured of the portrait of Dr. Goebbels hanging in Ms. Amiel's Toronto living room. (Alas it won't be Baron Black of Crossharbour's living room again for some considerable time as he is to spend the next several years residing in the US.) Poor Werner is also often treated to the strains of Wagner by the extremely considerate Ms. Amiel.

Should Ms. Amiel be discovered at some point in the future horribly murdered and mutilated I would think that Royal Canadian Mounted Police might do well to have a word with Werner about his whereabouts at the time although a defence of justifiable homicide would certainly be possibly should he ever be prosecuted for such a deed!

Attention all you "every life is sacred" people

As the world dithers as many as 90,000 Somali children face hunger, malnutrition and death unless the community of nations provides them with additional support.

I repeat: 90,000 innocent human beings. Are you listening?

Taking a stab at justice

The British High Court has ruled that Lofti Raissi, falsely accused of training some of the 11 September terrorists to fly, has been "completely exonerated" and that he may seek compensation from the British government. Mr. Raissi, a British resident of Algerian origin, was a pilot until he was detained for five months and is still unable to obtain employment. The ability to seek compensation is a first step but he will not have been afforded justice until any blacklist against him is lifted and he may work in his chosen trade again. I do suspect that Mr. Raissi's freedom and ability to work is one of those things that the right wingers would gladly trade for their own security.

The self-loathing Royal?

The UK Independence Party (population 10) is outraged at Prince Charles for his anti-British speech at an EU function. Prince Chuck was given a standing ovation by the EU folks but UKIP leader refused to stand. That'll teach him I suspect!

Truth in spamming!

This morning I found a message with the following subject in my Spam folder. Have the spammers simply given up or is there something more subtle afoot?

Possible Spam : 民間放款月息2分

Will there be a Page 3 (nsfw) tab on the home page?

The only real question I have as to what will occur should Rupert Murdoch be successful in his attempt to save Yahoo from the evil clutches of Microsoft is whether he will take the service downmarket à la Faux News or à la The Sun.

Where were the statistics?

Congressman Robert Wexler (D - FL) calls out increasingly irrelevant US Secretary of State Conocoleeza Rice over her lies, and damn lies, prior to the illegal invasion of Iraq. (And she loses her rag just a wee bit!)

Who says chivalry is dead?

A top advisor to John McCain, Mark McKinnon, has said he will resign from the campaign team if Barack Obama wins the Democratic nomination because, and these are my words not his, he wouldn't mind fighting dirty against a bitch but couldn't possibly stoop to fighting dirty against a nigger.

My good Valentines Day news

According to The Sun, and who are we to disbelieve such an outstanding news outlet, British women over 45 prefer hairy men. As long as they aren't looking for it on the top of my head I am their man!

At last we may finally find out if....

...everything is bigger in Texas as the 5th Court of Appeals has overturned the state's ban on the sale of sex toys. Bigger, better Rabbits headed your way, ya'll.

How do you spell P-A-N-D-E-R?

Well what do you know? Republican frontrunner Senator John McCain (Very, very old - AZ) has voted against banning water boarding. If he wasn't such a straight-talking kind of guy I would dismiss this as a shameless political manoeuvre (which it isn't).

On the road to freedom!

Pakistan's "President" Pervez "The Ex-General" Musharaf has warned the enemies of freedom opposition not to even think about protesting after they fairly and squarely lose the election this coming Monday.

"They should not be under any illusion that they will bring people to the streets after the election. Nothing of that sort will be allowed...In this situation of extremism and terrorism, no agitation, anarchy or chaos can be acceptable."

Democracy - a beautiful thing to watch!

So that's all thumbs down then

Pop superstar and celebrity London resident Madonna Ritchie has put her hand to film direction and it would seem that the result is less than laudable. Allow me to quote:

"Well, it had to happen. Madonna has been a terrible actor in many, many films and now - fiercely aspirational as ever - she has graduated to being a terrible director. She has made a movie so incredibly bad that Berlin festival goers were staggering around yesterday in a state of clinical shock, deathly pale and mewing like maltreated kittens. She is also the producer and co-author of the script. If she'd done the location catering as well, they'd have had a Jonestown situation on their hands."

There is more if you can stomach it!

Excuse me Your Honour...

...but what does an association between "being a gangster and being Italian" have to do with you? You are an American (not an Italian) and, if you are not, you should rather swiftly resign your post!

The words we choose

There is little doubt that Imad Mougnieh, murdered by a car bomb in Damascus yesterday, was not a good man or an upstanding human being but to suggest, as US State Department spokesman Sean McCormack has, that Mougnieh has been "brought to justice", tells us that Mr. McCormack, and his supervisors need to spend some time curled up with an English dictionary. Let us review the various definitions of justice to see if we can determine which of these finds appropriate for an act of murder, shall we?

1. "the maintenance or administration of what is just especially by the impartial adjustment of conflicting claims or the assignment of merited rewards or punishments b: judge c: the administration of law; especially : the establishment or determination of rights according to the rules of law or equity" - clearly this is a NO
2. "the quality of being just, impartial, or fair b (1): the principle or ideal of just dealing or right action (2): conformity to this principle or ideal : righteousness c: the quality of conforming to law" - once again a big NO
3. "conformity to truth, fact, or reason" - probably NO (although it is clear that Mr. McCormack and his superiors are absolutely convinced of their own rightness)

Whatever may be said about the end of Mougnieh, (murder, terrorism, retribution, vengeance), it was not an act of justice.

Da Iggles surrender!

Philadelphia, actually Chester, to finally get a real football team!

Does anyone else remember the Fury or am I the only one who is that old?

Happy Valentine's Day!

Left your gift shopping to the last minute (again)? Looking for a politically aware present for your lover? You could do worse than a pair of "Fair Trial My Arse" knickers from Agent Provocateur.

Is that a nail in your penis or are you just glad to see me

This must have really bloody hurt.

Let's be packing

Our good friends at America's National Rifle Association want to make sure that we all get to exercise our God given 2nd Amendment rights anywhere, any time, any way. They've talked Senator Tom Coburn (R - OK) into sponsoring a bill that would ensure that we are not prevented from "possessing a firearm in any unit of the National Park System or the National Wildlife Refuge System". Now I've done a bit of poking about and have discovered that once this important piece of legislation becomes law we will be able to pack heat in any number of places where some damn Commie bleeding hearts probably think it is inappropriate, to wit:

• Little Bighorn Battlefield National Monument Montana ("There could be injuns lurkin' there still")
• Death Valley National Park ("I want to go out shootin'")
• Sand Creek Massacre National Historic Site (injuns again)
• Flight 93 National Memorial ("There could be terraists with box cutters still waiting in the bushes!")
• Eugene O'Neill National Historic Site ("O'Neill was a commie wasn't he? What's he got a park for anyway")
• Canaveral National Seashore ("I wanna shoot off my gun when they launch the shuttle")
• Martin Luther King Jr National Historic Site (sarcasm not required)
• Minidoka Internment National Monument ("There might still be some of them Japs hanging about who don't know the war's over.")
• Mammoth Cave National Park (Guns in caves! That sounds like fun Jim Bob.")
• Carlsbad Caverns National Park (ditto)
• Fire Island National Seashore ("I've heard things about Fire Island. It's full of them marriage haters.")
• Statue of Liberty National Monument ("The Frogs might have booby trapped it when they gave it to us."
• Oregon Caves National Monument (caves again!)
• Friendship Hill National Historic Site (I shall allow the irony to speak for itself)
• Independence National Historical Park ("Because the Philadelphia murder rate isn't high enough!")
• Minuteman Missile National Historic Site (sarcasm not required)
• Virgin Islands Coral Reef National Monument ("Spear guns Jim Bob!"

And last but not least in the Nation's Capital:

• Constitution Gardens ("Look out for them activist judges")
• Ford's Theatre National Historic Site ("Did they ever catch that Booth feller?")
• National Mall ("What kinda stores they got there?")
• Pennsylvania Avenue National Historic Site (sarcasm not required)
• Washington Monument ("Can a pack heat in the elevator or do I have to walk up?")

And of course:

• The White House! ("This oughta work out just fine if one of them Demon-crats gets elected!")

I have no doubt that Captain Codpiece will sign this when it gets there!

No researcher time was wasted in the publication of this story!

After reading this articleI found myself truly terrified at the prospect of an al Qaeda factory somewhere in America wherein prosthetic pregnancies were being manufactured before being strapped on to evil doers who would go off and explode my American family and friends. Theis terrible wave of anxiety quickly faded however after I read the following "disclaimer" at the end of the article.

"Authorities say there is ‘no specific, credible intelligence’ that says terrorists are planning to use women and suicide bombers to attack, but the warning was sent to agencies across the country in the wake of recent attacks overseas."

Well thank heavens for that, eh?

And not a drop to drink

In what cannot be construed as good news for anywhere in the American south-west a new study from the Scripps Institute predicts a 50-50 chance that Lake Mead will run dry by 2021. The lake is the largest man-made reservoir in America and supplies water for somewhere between 20 and 25 million people. Unsurprisingly the federal government, run by a group known for their devotion to scientific findings, is disputing the findings and saying that the federal government would never allow that to happen! Ah yes - the miracle workers that can turn back the tide. Any residents of Alabama, Mississippi, Louisiana or Texas care to weigh in on their success rate?

I moved here for the weather. Really.

Whilst my old home suffers from the curse of Punxsutawney Phil it is glorious spring here on Old Blighty. Jealous anyone?

"I saw the best minds of my generation destroyed by madness"

A small college in Oregon has found in its archives what is believed to be the earliest recording of Alan Ginsburg reading "Howl". Very cool! The recording will be posted on Reed College's website this coming Friday.

Stop me if this sounds familiar at all

An enemy of Russian President Vladimir Putin, this time a Georgian billionaire (no not Ted Turner - the real Georgia), has died under mysterious circumstances in London. The death of Badri Patarkatsishvili is being treated as suspicious by the Met (although there is no mention of Polonium-210 this time).

Scalia keeps an open mind!

I know that US Supreme Court Justice Antonin "You Don't Need a Weatherman to Tell Which Way My Wind Blows" Scalia tends to be the most outspoken of the Court's members but is it really appropriate for him to give interviews in which he makes it clear that he has already made his mind up on any case related to torture (before he has even heard it)?

I am certain that should such a case arise that Justice Scalia will, wishing to avoid any sense of impropriety, recuse himself from joining in the opinion. Right?

As a heathen I recognise that some will question on my credentials on this...

...but I am nearly certain that one of the ten commandments covers this and that there should be no need for a graduate level course to teach priests, preachers and members of the Christian laity that one shouldn't fucking steal!

That is all.

Why does God hate Jesus?

White, presumably Christian, terrorist...

...gets off lightly. Quelle surprise!

Beauty in motion

As a short, white kid from the country I was never really much of a basketball fan but I do miss the Dr. J days.



(Shamelessly stolen borrowed from Philadelphia Will Do.)

Yank's fashion tips

I predict that $500,000 pairs of "snort me" shoes are going to be very big this year.

Paris Hilton's pussy abandoned!

Don't believe me? Read this. What a heartless bitch!

Didn't there used to be mountains here?

With the willing compliance of Captain Codpiece's evil minions the coal mining industry is disappearing the Appalachians.

I thought this John Prine tune would be appropriate.

"Then the coal company came with the world's largest shovel
And they tortured the timber and stripped all the land
Well, they dug for their coal till the land was forsaken
Then they wrote it all down as the progress of man."

Don't forget!

It's Darwin Day today. So go out and make a (Young Earth) Christian crazy today. If you need assistance doing this you could do worse than the following Lewis Black clip. It helps if you have a fossil handy!



(Note: as expected I didn't make to Downe House. Maybe at the weekend. Certainly next year for the bicentennial.)

He will be missed

I didn't always agree with him but US Representative Tom Lantos, 1928 - 2008, was a good man and a great defender of human rights.

Dear Senator McCain,

Before you, with a Beach Boys cover band blaring in the background, head off to bomb Iran it might behove you to watch this JustForeignPolicy video. It'll only take a few minutes of your precious time.

Great election news!

Now that Mitt "Mitt" Romney is out of the 2008 presidential campaign his five sons are now available for military duty. After all they do love to serve America!

Jesus in a tree!

Brought to you by the Keystone State. Key quote:

"One hundred grand, they got $28,000 for a grilled cheese sandwich...One hundred grand for a piece of beautiful New Jersey pine with a picture of Jesus Christ ascending to heaven."

Because that's why God put Jesus in a tree; to make money for Craig O'Connor.

Personally I think the sap stain looks like a woman in a hijab dancing. Maybe that's the message God is trying to send us - Jesus is now a Muslim woman! That should add new complexities to the Eternal Global War on Terra.

If you call it will they come?

Philly's own Franklin Institute, my favourite place for a rainy Saturday as a kid, is to be the site of ScienceDebate 2008. All four remaining hopefuls have been sent invitations to the event due to be held a few days before what could be the pivotal Pennsylvania primary. Will any dare to attend? (Huckabee should be amusing if he shows.)

Destroying the traditional family (pet)

In violation of the stated will of God a woman in Sweden has been fined 20,000 Skr for refusing to sell a puppy to lesbian.

Despite several attempts Senator Larry "Not-Now-and-Never-Have-Been Gay" Craig (R - ID) could not be reached for comment.

It's about bloody time

In my somewhere-around-a-decade-long marriage* I don't believe I ever managed to buy an item of apparel, with the possible exception of a woolly jumper, for my wife that fit. I learned to retain all receipts! I have long believed that the there is a way to make sense of the sizes of women's clothes but that it certainly involves the utilisation of pi and probably both imaginary numbers and the Planck length as well. In any case I never worked out the formula and to this day I am both intimidated and mystified by women's clothing sizes.

Well finally the Spanish government, run by Socialists, is going to do something about it. Well done!

Now if I could just remember the difference between British and American shoe sizes.


*Don't pick on me for not knowing exactly how long my marriage lasted. It is much easier to recall when a marriage began (I still know the precise date) than to work out when it ended!

Why I love Red Ken

Come October it will cost £25 a day to drive one of those ridiculous Chelsea tractors in the London congestion zone. Good on ya, Ken!

Trust...but verify

Those dirty ex-commies (the Ruskies) and those dirty still-commies (the Chinese) have conspired to propose a new treaty that would ban the deployment of weapons in space. Of course, the US will find this unacceptable and therefore at some point launch a new weapons race. (Maybe this time it will bankrupt the US!) I can only assume it would be even more unacceptable if it required the US to allow unlimited access to American scientific and military sites for neutral authorities to engage in inspections.

After all, inspectors are really just to justify inspections.

Where bigots fly (first)!

Today's Guardian carries a story about the travails of the steel band who were barred from a RyanAir flight from Italy at New Year's because other passengers thought they might be terrorists. It should be noted that Michael Toussaint, who is blind, and his colleagues were the only black passengers on the plane. Even though the Italian police cleared them in only a few minutes the pilot refused to let them re-board after some of the other, white, passengers continued to object to their presence. They ended up stuck first in Sardinia and then in Liverpool at New Years after being put on alternate flights the next day. The band was eventually awarded a pitifully low amount of compensation.

The simple solution to this problem, should it happened again (and it will), is allow those bigots unwilling to fly with black people, Muslims or men with beards to disembark from the plane and to take the next available flight to their destination without, of course, any compensation or recompense for lodging or meals. They are the ones who should, and must, suffer, not the innocents.

The band, called Caribbean Steel International have a MySpace page. Go send them some love!