Coming soon to an Ebay near you

The Minersville PA garage door Madonna. I don't see it myself but then I forgot to have my magic mushroom omelet for breakfast this morning.

A suggestion for Senator Craig

It doesn't look as if there is much hope of saving your career. In a final act of desperation, before you decide to return home to spend more time keeping secrets from your family, I suggest you have a go at the never before attempted maneuver of going to not-now-and-never-has-been-gay to ex-gay without ever passing through gayness. Who knows? You can fool all of the people some of the time. Look at your career to date.

101 reasons you shouldn't get drunk with your boss

Meet Alton (TX) Police Chief Jose Luis Vela. He is reason 38.

Massive anti-American conspircary unearthed at UN

It has been discovered that United Nations personnel have been hiding Iraq's WMDs in their New York offices in an effort to discredit Our Great Leader.

Shock and awe air strikes have been called in and former interim US Ambassador to the UN John Bolton will be on hand to laser in the first laser guided bomb!

Leap of faith

Point one: Florida has the highest incidence of food related illnesses contracted at restaurants.

Point two: a large percentage of food service employees in Florida are immigrants

Ergo: Kitchen worker immigrants (and possibly Democrats) are trying to kill you!

Well he was running away at the time!

Headline of the week: "Police announce crack in case of naked Millville man".

Now this IS news!

The great state of Texas DID NOT execute someone despite his being innocent of murder. Obviously the Decider(TM) is no longer Governor.

Just my ECT and me (or how I spent my summer vacation)

This is tragic, appalling, offensive and criminal. How is this possible in America or any country that considers itself civilised? In my mind there is no doubt that this is child abuse. The people who run this institution, one cannot reasonably call it a school, and the people who are responsible for sending children to this institution ought to be in prison; for a considerable period of time.

The Mother Jones article is here.

In which I agree with Michelle Malkin (no really - I do!)

If Senator Craig doesn't "do this sort of thing" how did he know he was being solicited?

Not that I wish ill of anyone...

...but I think it would have been very instructive if Sen. Joe Lieberman (Almost R - CT) had been on this plane with fellow lawmakers as it came under fire from RPGs at it took off from Baghdad International Airport and had to take evasive action. I doubt it would have caused him to change his mind about the progress he sees everywhere he goes but it might have caused him to change his y-fronts.

Waxman asks for White House "lost" emial reports

White House expected to reply: "We emailed them to you, didn't you get them?".

Ms. Maglalang wants to save America

She continues to ride her high house onto a Seattle ferry and finds Filipino Muslims on it.

I have a solution that I am certain, based on her past record, she will approve off. Since there is no way to tell a good Filipino/a from a bad Filipino/a the only way to ensure that America remains safe from these potential and actual evil doers is to all Filipinos and Filipinos, or anyone who looks like they could be such, in America in concentration holiday camps for their own safety. Right Michelle? Would you care to volunteer to go first?

Cloud cuckoo land II

Tom Delay visits Chris Matthews to (not) defend Senator Larry Craig (Not Gay - Idaho); says "we don't have all the truth yet" despite guilty plea; spends twenty minutes reciting every Democrat(ic) scandal in the past two decades but forgets to mention his own; calls Chris Matthews a liberal!

Crooks and Liars has the video.

Cloud cuckoo land

Pat Buchanan and Joe Scarborough have been at the ganja again. They seem to think that a military strike against Iran is just what the American people are looking for. It does make them wonder if they have ever visited the "reality based community". Perhaps they would like to.

"Just wait for our lies report before you make a judgement"

The White House has struck back after the substance of the General Accounting Office's report on Iraqi progress was leaked and revealed we are basically no further than we were three months ago. I am sure that there is nothing damaging in the raw report that cannot be addressed with an intelligently applied red pencil and a basic level of deceit.

Progress report

"However today, we are witnessing a new kind of dictatorship, that one could call 'Bush's democratic dictatorship'. This democracy is comprised of groups of vengeful, malicious, murderous and corrupt sectarians who returned after having been exiled to neighboring countries - specifically Iran and Syria. And the memories remain. The Iraqis are aware of Prime Minister Al-Maliki's corruption and the nest of forgery at his former stronghold near the Saiyyda Zeinab Mosque in Damascus, which is a distinct hallmark of the pattern of government in the new Iraq."

Read the rest of this view from Iraq.

US government audit proves that Saddam DID have WMDs!

Clearly if the US governemnt mislay atomic weapons parts then the Iraqis must have done the same. They are bound to turn up soon.

More Christian persecution!

And in Indiana no less. The mother is claiming that that Christians are being targeted by a high school policy that prohibits ALL logos and slogans on clothing. I wonder how she did in logic when she went to school.

I haven't got a problem with this

If one is allowed to talk on a mobile and drive or send texts on a mobile and drive why can't one have a crafty wank and drive? I am assuming, perhaps rashly, that he did keep at least one hand on the wheel at all times.

Surprise, surprise (in Gomer Pyle voice)

In a shock announcement B list actor Fred Thompson has announced that he is going to announce that he is going to seek the Republican Presidential nomination.

Many pundits, including myself, had thought that the gravel voiced telly "star" was attempting to become the first President in over a century to get elected without actually becoming a candidate.

What's up in Manchester?

The city was hit by a minor earthquake for the sixth time in less than a month yesterday. I'm not sure that the 2.4 event would even count in California.

Key quote from local resident Claire Hardy

:"The cups rattled on the shelf and I thought, 'What the hell was that?'"

He will hear but will he listen?

There is quite a bit of news coverage today about Captain Codpiece's plans to "hear" the concerns of the military about the situation in Iraq. I thought that to be a rather odd choice of words so I did a bit of research.

A Google news search for Bush+military+concerns+HEAR yields 578 results. In contrast a Google news search for bush+military+concerns+LISTEN yeilds only 86 results most of which are not about Iraq.

Just a coincidence or are they trying to manage our already incredibly low expectations?

Time for Britain to start thinking Republican!

No - not in a scary Tom DeLay-Newt Gingrich kind of way but in a isn't-the-Royal-Family-an-anachronism kind of way. The sun has well and truly set on the British Empire when Queen Elizabeth II of England and Wales and Queen Elizabeth I of Scotland can only manage 23rd on a list of the world's most powerful women. See came behind the CEO of the company that has given us Jello (no. 9 - Irene Rosenfeld of Kraft Foods), the CEO of a chain of chemist shops (no. 15 - Mary Sammons of Rite Aid Corp.) and the CEO of a company that makes cakes nobody doesn't like (no. 19 - Brenda Barnes of Sara Lee Corp.)

About time I'd say.

Happy anniversary New Orleans

It has been two long years since Hurricane Katrina devastated the Gulf Coast of Louisiana and Mississippi but don't expect Captain Codpiece to forget the occasion. He seen to it that an aide to an aide to an aide to a cabinet secretary has circled the date on his calendar so that the Captain can fly down there and remind the good but still homeless folk that he can tell how well things are going because he and his wife, the long suffering and hopefully heavily medicated Laura, don't actually live there.

I am certain that the folks down there are right happy he stopped by!

Letting the market decide

Taking a break from bailing out the banks who have led America into its current economic mess through the support of predatory lending practices the Decider(TM) has decided to decide to announce what he is (probably not actually) going to do to help out those Americans at risk of losing their homes. Fortunately for them he won't still be in office in two year's time to celebrate an anniversary with them as them live in tents and trailers.

"Is this gay heaven?"

"No - it's Iowa." I have to confess that I didn't see this coming!

Bend it like Bentley?

The knee injury to Hollywood's favourite footballer David Beckham, which will see him miss European Championship qualifying matches with Israel and Russia, looks set to give Blackburn Rovers' winger David Bentley (who?) his first shot at an England cap.

I am not feeling good about England's qualifying for the 2008 tournament finals as they now sit in fourth place in Group E and are now without Beckham, Rooney and perhaps Gerard.

In Pakistan

The most recent legitimate leader of Pakistan, Nawaz Sharif, who was ousted in an illegal coup by current President Pervez "The General" Musharraf, is set to return to the country in order to challenge the deal being cooked up between "The General" and former PM Benazir Bhutto to share power. The Musharraf/Bhutto coalition seems to have American approval over the candidacy of Mr. Sharif who leads a Muslim religious party. It is curious how supportive the Bush regime is of "secular" governments outside of the US, isn't it?

Jab time

Thanks to the furore over a disproved relationship between the measles, mumps and rubella (MMR) vaccine and autism stirred up by Dr Andrew Wakefield with the cooperation of the largely tabloid press the rate of vaccinations of young children in Britain declined considerably. We should not be surprised then to find out that there is a sudden surge in measles cases and the health authorities are having to, once again, urge parents to ensure that their children receive the MMR vaccine.

The kleptocrats

I like that word - "kleptocrats". An article in today's Guardian applies the term to Kenya's former leader Daniel Arap Moi as it documents the staggering level of plunder that Moi and his family derived from the African country's treasury. The information comes from a report by risk consultancy Kroll, commissioned by the Kenyan government after Moi left office but never published. Amongst the revelations:

Mr Moi's sons - Philip and Gideon - were reported to be worth £384m and £550m respectively.

His associates colluded with Italian drug barons and printed counterfeit money.

His clique owned a bank in Belgium.

The threat of losing their wealth prompted threats of violence between Mr Moi's family and his political aides.

£4m was used to buy a home in Surrey and £2m to buy a flat in Knightsbridge

There have been no prosectuitons against Mr. Moi, any members of his family or any of his "business" associates as a result of the investigation.

"Gone-zo's" top ten!

As lovingly selected by Josh Marshall.

I'll bet they weren't all that hot on the middle class or rich ones either

From Greg Palast: "They wanted them poor niggers out of there".

Another reason I don't live in Pennsylvania anymore

State stores. This is one circumstance in which I am a firm believer in the free market and the right of citizens to buy booze in any corner shop!

2 + 2 = ∞

More guns. Much safer. Got it?

Trends in spam

A year ago there were dozens of people emailing everyday concerned about the length of my penis. Nowadays most of these have gone away and been replaced by people emailing me everyday worried about the girth of my penis. What does this mean?

Another blow to the Second Amendment and our freedoms

Aluminium/aluminum baseball bat ban upheld. Damn thos activist judges!

Today in history

One hundred and twenty two years ago today: Gottlieb Daimler patented the first motorcycle.

One hundred and twenty two years ago tomorrow: first Hell's Angels chapter formed.

DRAFT RUSS!

This clinches it for me!

If you thought it was only Christanity that had scary doomsday cults...

...think again. The Shi'as believe that Imam Mahdi (aka the Hidden Imam) will become visible again, he has remained alive but invisible for the past eleven hundred years, "only when corruption and injustice reach their zenith" or next Tuesday as we now know it.

The good news is that he reemergence is one of the fifteen benchmarks, of eighteen, that the Iraqi government has failed to meet so if you do spot him it could be proof that the surge is working.

But he is not, nor ever has been, gay!

The Republican leadership has moved quickly to strip Sen. Larry Craig (R - ID) of his important committee posts despite the fact that he is, as he has vociferously stated, innocent; his guilty plea being the kind of mistake anyone could have made. He is also banned from the men's' rooms in the Capitol building and has been reduced to cottaging in public conveniences in the nearest Metro station.

No contest grudge match

Christopher Hitchens v. Bill Donohue on Hardball. I'd call it a knockout early in the first. (At least we know that Bill Donohue can use, and has used, a tape measure.) Key quote from Hitchens:

"I think that they [the Vatican] should answer for what they did to her and what they are doing to us."

Also note that Donohue twice disavows his American citizenship and claims to be an Irishman! Is he ashamed? (I'll bet he can't speak a single sentence in Gaelic.)

Finally an anti-war song for our time

"Illegal Attacks" from Ian Brown, formerly of the Stone Roses, with a little help from Sinead O'Connor.

So what the fuck is this UK
Gunnin’ with this US of A
In Iraq and Iran and in Afghanistan

Does not a day go by
Without the Israeli Air Force
Fail to drop it’s bombs from the sky?

How many mothers to cry?
How many sons have to die?
How many missions left to fly over Palestine?
‘Cause as a matter of facts
It’s a pact, it’s an act
These are illegal attacks
So bring the soldiers back
These are illegal attacks
It’s contracts for contacts
I’m singing concrete facts
So bring the soldiers back

What mean ya that you beat my people
What mean ya that you beat my people
And grind the faces of the poor

So tell me just how come were the Taliban
Sat burning incense in Texas
Roaming round in a Lexus
Sittin’ on six billion oil drums
Down with the Dow Jones, up on the Nasdaq
Pushed into the war zones

It’s a commercial crusade
‘Cause all the oil men get paid
And only so many soldiers come home
It’s a commando crusade
A military charade
And only so many soldiers come home

Soldiers, soldiers come home
Soldiers come home

Through all the blood and sweat
Nobody can forget
It ain’t the size of the dog in the fight
It’s the size of the fight in the dog on the day or the night
There’s no time to reflect
On the threat, the situation, the bark nor the bite
These are commercial crusades
‘Cos all the oil men get paid
These are commando crusades
Commando tactical rape
And from the streets of New York and Baghdad to Tehran and Tel Aviv
Bring forth the prophets of the Lord
From dirty bastards fillin’ pockets
With the profits of greed

These are commercial crusades
Commando tactical raids
Playin’ military charades to get paid

And who got the devils?
And who got the Lords?
Build yourself a mountain – Drink up in the fountain
Soldiers come home
Soldiers come home
Soldiers come home
Soldiers come home

What mean ya that you beat my people
What mean ya that you beat my people
And grind the faces of the poor

I reckon they'll never see it in America because it has naughty words it it!

How is Captain Codpiece's week going?

Pretty bloody awful by the looks of it.

(Little) Britain ahead of the game

Via Crooks and Liars we find this clip from the Beeb's hilarious, but often cringe making, Little Britain, in which the show anticipates the difficulties of closeted gay Senator Larry Craig (R - ID) and suggests how he should have handled the issue.

On the job non-training

We all know who is at fault when an employee fails to understand what they are expected to do in their job don't we? I, for one, spread the blame between the freedom hating main stream liberal media and the freedom hating Democrat Party in equal measure.

Not for the arachnaphobic

At Lake Tawakoni State Park in the great state of Texas spiders have weaved a nearly 200 metre long web that has engulfed a hiking trail. At least it has reduced the local mosquito population significantly. Rumours that the spiders were last seen heading for Crawford cannot be confirmed but are wished to be true by tens of millions of Americans.

Do you want the bad news first?

Not that it matters because there isn't any good news. According to scientists at the Met Office excess levels of atmospheric CO2 inhibit the ability of plants to absorb water. As current climate models suggest global warming will bring more severe weather I suspect that this is not good news for those living in areas prone to floods.

We shall beat our milestones into millstones

The Iraqi government is set to miss 15 of 18 targets set for it by the US government although two of those fifteen have been "partially met".

In my book that's an F grade unless we are grading on a curve which means it's an A!

How to tell if you have bad luck

OK it's bad enough that you are a Palestinian whose country gets given away to another group of people by a colonial power with bigger and better guns. You are driven from your home and you end up in a country that gets invaded by a neo-colonial power with bigger and better guns and you are made homeless again.

Finally the Sudan, not the most stable country in the world, offers to take you in. What next?

Eeny, meeny, miny, mo....

...catch a General by the toe, if he disagrees with you pretend he doesn't exist.

Travelling whilst Muslim

One passenger* in San Diego doesn't like some of his fellow passengers, Iraqi Americans, speaking their native language; holds up flight overnight. When are airlines going to adopt the appropriate policy and, in circumstances such as these, ask the offending and complaining passenger to leave the aircraft and take another flight?


*I am certain that the passenger is a faithful reader of Ms. Maglalang who has not yet weighed in as regards this incident but I am sure that she will.

Just the facts Senator

Keith Olberman makes his own attempt to faithfully reenact the circumstances surrounding the arrest of Senator Larry "I Am Not Gay, Have Never Been Gay but Might Become Gay in the Future" Craig (R - ID) in the Minneapolis airport.

An idea for John McCain

The next time you go to a market in Iraq to show us how safe and prosperous the country has become thanks to the illegal American invasion and occupation make sure that none of your bodyguards are armed. That would make you just like the country's judges. Good enough for them ought to be good enough for you.

Why does Shit Turd Blossom hate America?

There used to be a time when American politicians and those around them would never been seen to own an automobile if it wasn't Made in America. I reckon those days are over as hidden in this story about the amusing (if sophomoric) high jinks that those few remaining White House employees have got up to with Karl Rove's car whilst he was on holiday is the mention that Turdy's car is a Jaguar; not a God-fearing Cadillac or Chrysler.

Feeling safer yet?

The American Bar Association did a survey of 50 defence attorneys who have worked on terrorism cases since 2001 and asked them whether they felt whether the US's new terror laws were having the intended results. The answer was no. I know that this is not a scientific survey and it doesn't include any prosecuting attorneys, soon-to-be-former-US Attorney General Alberto "Gone-zo" Gonzales forget to let any US Attorneys participate, but nonetheless I think it should be eye opening.

But is it art?

If it matters I happen to find the new portrait of Our Great Leader, George Walker Bush, by British artist Jonathan Yeo, thought provoking and rather amusing. Not everyone is pleased with it though. Why not? Mr. Yeo has assembled the portrait from hundreds of cut outs from British soft porn mags. Why doesn't anyone have a sense of humour anymore?

Heck of a job Bushie!

The Decider(TM) decided to decide to jet into New Orleans yesterday to celebrate the second anniversary of the city's destruction but Hurricane Katrina and to suggest that the residents look to the "Almighty" for help because they sure as Hell aren't going to get it from the government as long as he is in charge.

Of omertà and Abu Ghraib

The only military officer to be tried in relation to the terrible crimes and human rights abuses at Abu Ghraib prison in Iraq has been let off with a slap of the wrist; a reprimand. Even that minor punishment was not for dereliction of duty, failing to train or supervise his underlings but rather for not keeping quiet about the abuse. Sad. Very sad indeed.

It is possible that at one time America was a nation of laws but it is no more.

Food for thought

Today, 30 August, is the International Day of the Disappeared on which we hopefully remember all of those who are victims of forced disappearances. I think that today, for the very first time I have realised that my government, the government of the United States of America, is responsible for some of these disappearances and it makes me want to weep.

Have we finally lost the war or is there still hope?

"Pot meet Kettle. You will notice that Kettle is black."

Northern Ireland's First Minister, the (mail order) Dr. Ian Paisley is referring to other people as bigots. Is this irony?

Bush's courageous effort to make Vietanm safe for democracy, booze and a mysterious white powder

As imagined by Guardian cartoonist Steve Bell may be found here (starting with 27 August).

Maliki won't resign, can't be forced out, never even been to Minneapolis Airport

McClatchy has an extensive interview with Iraq Prime Minister Nouri al-Maliki in which the embattled official strikes back at critics and claims that it is his efforts toward national reconciliation not the American military surge that is creating the (ever so) slightly improved conditions in the country. He did say that he would welcome being dismissed from his position but only if it was as a result of actions in the Parliament, not due to a military coup or American pressure. Maybe he gets the idea of democracy. It is a shame that the Americans don't.

Holy water row Batman!

Passengers on Air Vatican's first flight from Lourdes* have already fun into trouble as they find that even they are bound by anti-terror regulations and that they would be unable to take their "holy" water in their carry on luggage.

This is an outrage! These people are faithful Catholics not Muslims. Everyone knows that Catholics would never commit acts of terror. Can you hang on a moment? I've just had a call come through from Belfast.

"Yes. I see. Good point."

Could you forget that last thing I wrote? It seems that I might have been wrong there.

*Does Air Vatican need to use planes or is it sufficient for the travelers to believe that they are flying to France?

If x = £9,821 is 1,148x > too much?

I would say yes but them I am not a true believer in the omniscient and omnipotent invisible hand of the market.

Cats killing whales!

I am a dog person. Whilst I can tolerate cats they are really not my preferred pet. So I am not surprised by the news that idiot cat owners, who for some unknown reason flush their pet's dirty cat litter down the toilet, may be guilty of killing whales and other sea mammals. Researchers in Wales (pun not intended) are increasingly finding toxoplasma gondii, a cat parasite, in the bodies of dead whales washed up on the British coastline. Come on. How hard is it to dump it in a plastic bag?

Packed with good stuff...

...packed with bad stuff too!

The Advertising Standards Authority has banned a Dairylea ad campaign; basically because its claims are a load of shite.

Real money?

50 billion USD here. 50 billion USD there. Pretty soon you're talking real money. The defence budget is 460 billion USD and there is another pending supplemental funding bill for the Iraq/Afghanistan wars of 145 billion USD. Just exactly what is this money for?

What do you mean the Burning Man's on fire?

Put him out! Put him out damnit!

Statue of terrorist placed in Parliament Square

US attack imminent.

Well. Nelson Mandela used to a terrorist didn't he? It's a good thing that the Decider(TM) wasn't President back then or he would have personally hunted Mr. Mandela down and killed him with his bare hands. Or not as the case may be.

"Haven't I told you 'NO' already?"

The British government's bestest buddy the United States has told the Ministry of Defence that witnesses will NEVER be provided for inquests into friendly fire deaths in Iraq or Afghanistan.

Friends like these, eh?

Fifty eight years ago today

The Soviets tested their first nuclear weapon. It took them longer because they weren't able to kidnap the best German scientists like we did.

Thinking outside the box - government style

Think of how much money the Federal government would save on armed forces related disability pensions just by deciding that the claimants are dead. The payments (not) going to Georgia's Lisa Kohlhagen are only 115 USD per month but it all adds up!

Jesus loves you

Via RichardDawkins.Net.

Just thinking

Over a cup of tea this morning I recalled something that historian Richard Hofstadter said. He said, and I paraphrase, that basic of American politics were "anti-intellectual" and "paranoid". (I have to look up the quote.)

If that is case in the Bush administration we have reached the pinnacle of American politics and it is all downhill from here.

Pick a number, any number

Well, get on with it!

And the winner is...

...the United States with ninety!

Unh. What was the question?

What country has the most guns be hundred people. That's more than one per adult. Must be the safest country in the world! Americans also own 30% of the world's know firearms. Maybe those bulletproof backpacks aren't such a stupid idea after all.

I hear voices!

Estrella Benavides of San Mateo CA who is being sued by local authorities for painting what she contends are "messages from God" on her home. She spent last Friday painting new and important messages on a second home. A sample communication from the Almighty:

"Help worse crime ever: evil + out of mind: from Bush to neighbors using witchcraft + technology against people not belong to their religious group:"

Rumours that Ms. Benavides has been contacted by representatives of the Decider(TM) in order to give the White House a "new look" cannot be confirmed at this time.

Paging Bill O'Reilly

Here's a website making vile threats of violence against actual innocent persons.

Go to it mate! I know you want to.

You can get there from here!

Despite the fact that global climate change is a conspiracy of past it hippies to prevent us from driving the biggest cars we can get our hands on I find that the Northwest Passage is is essentially ice free in August for the first time in recorded history.

Coming soon to an Ebay near you

Jesus on a fence! It lots a bit like a badger to me but they I haven't had my mushrooms yet today.

Why should property insurance be any different than health insurance?

As Michael Moore's film Sicko showed us that one of the methods that health insurance companies utilise to maximise profits is to ensure that claims do not get paid. Should we expect any less from property insurers? The American Association for Justice has released a report chronicling how insurance companies worked to prevent payment of legitimate claims post Hurricane Katrina. The complete report, entitled "Pattern of Greed" (PDF), is to be found here.

Is this the key that sank a famous ship (and launched a thousand films)?

The key for the cupboard which contained the HMS Titanic's binoculars which was not on the ship when it sailed is to be auctioned as part of lot that is expected to fetch in the neighbourhood of £70,000. Had the second officer not taken the key with him when he was called off the ship before sailing the crew would have been able to use the binoculars when keeping watch, they might have seen the iceberg and the ship might still be afloat. We also wouldn't know who Leonardo DiCaprio is.

Another chink in that oh so special relationship

British Prime Minister is being pressed to scale back the government's involvement with the Colombian government, including the banning of arms sales, because of widespread human rights abuses and the continued associations between right wing paramilitaries and the Colombian government. Georgie's not going to like this as Presidente Uribe is one of his few remaining "friends" in Latin America.

More offences against the 2nd amendment!

Some good loyal American high students thought that was a good idea to bring six handguns to school to help protect fellow students should anyone else think it was a good idea to bring guns to school and instead of being congratulated on their keen sense of civic responsibility the cops took the guns away and arrested the students, one of whom is rather curiously named "Student A". The local police chief speculated that the guns were not hard "come by because the school is in a farming community of about 11,800" and also in America.

The stuff grows like a weed!

A prison on Hokkaido in Japan is having a difficult time controlling marijuana plants growing wild on the prison grounds. According to an official at the penal institution "apparently, somebody knew how to tell marijuana from other plants". What are the odds of finding an incarcerated amateur botanist?

Americans release evil doers!

Let this be a lesson to you. If we let the American government nibble away, even a little, on the right to bear arms we will soon have armed troops in the streets arresting people for "illegally" carrying weapons! Laugh if you will but it happened to these people and it could happen to you. CNN has video of these otherwise upright, honest and God fearing citizens, now thankfully freed from their terrible ordeal, being arrested and led away with hoods on their heads.

Time to open a book?

Anyone wish to hazard a guess how long it will be before loyal Bush succubus Alberto "Gone-zo" Gonzales gives a post Attorney General interview in which he claims he can't recall ever having served in the US government as AG?

Time to boycott ABC!

They are encouraging young Christian heterosexual American men to engage in repulsive homosexual acts in public by providing this handy dandy guide to how to cruise for gay sex in public toilets.

Cue the Christian outrage!

Husbands are conspiring to marriage as the bond between one married man and one married woman by being less help around the house than a co-habiting (other sex) partner.

I eagerly await the Make Husbands Do More Housework to Save Marriage March on Washington.

Tax 'em where they live

The proposal by US Congressman John Dingell (D - MI) to eliminate the mortgage tax deduction on McMansion class homes over 3,000 square feet is a good idea but doesn't go far enough in my opinion. After all why should the US Federal government be fucking about with the markets by subsidising the extravagant homes of the upper middle class and the wealthy? There are those* who think it is a terrible idea.

*The NCPA's website claims that they wish to "develop and promote private alternatives to government regulation and control, solving problems by relying on the strength of the competitive, entrepreneurial private sector" so you would think that we be in favour of eliminating this subsidy but you would be oh so wrong.

Bo Diddley has heart attack....

...Bush to blame Democrats for dragging this honourable man's otherwise good heart through the mud for political gain.

If they shut down the system only the already armed will have guns

Pennsylvania's Governor Ed Rendell is still blatantly ignoring the sacrosanct Second Amendment to the US Constitution by refusing to put off a scheduled shut down in the state's gun purchase background check system that will prevent the honest, upright and already heavily armed people of the Keystone State from purchasing guns for a full seventy two hours next month. He has succumbed to the pressure a bit as the shut down was originally scheduled to last for four days.

"They're just marks on a bench, see?"

Suddenly the benchmarks put forward by Congress aren't all that important now that the Iraqi government is unlikely to meet them. At least that is what Captain Codpiece tells us and he goes to tell us that as long as we are killing people that is good enough.

Everyone loves an avatar in uniform don't they?

The Chinese government has sent digital coppers out into the Sino-net to appear on users screens twice an hour to warn users about Internet security and, in the words of Beijing's Municipal Public Security Bureau,
"be on watch for websites that incite secession, promote superstition, gambling and fraud". The figures will appear on foot, on a motorcycle or in a car. Will any pop up blocker take care of these?

Elsewhere in the Middle East

That beacon of freedom in the otherwise troubled and authoritarian region, the Saudi Government, seems to have, with good cause no doubt, banned the al-Hayat daily newspaper after it refused to follow order from the "Information" Ministry and sack a columnist. When do we invade?

"I did nothing wrong at the Minneapolis airport

Senator Larry Craig blames a newspaper for his current troubles although he doesn't address any of his prior difficulties.

In the statement he made to the press he denied that he is currently gay and that he has ever been gay but, and I think I have him here, he clearly did not deny that he might choose to become gay at some time in the future. Video below.

All viaducts, all the time

In today's bridge news a bridge crossing the Mississippi on Interstate 40 in Memphis was was reopened yesterday after it was found to have moved only a few inches.

Meanwhile back in the old home state of Pennsylvania the picture is less than rosy.

To my friends on the right...

...I eagerly anticipate your undoubtedly correct and cogent arguments as to why making this bequest subject to an onerous "death" tax would destroy American civilisation and our Christian nation.

That freedom thing

The march towards democracy in key American ally Pakistan is seemingly irresistible as a shady backroom deal between current Pakistani President and military dictator Pervez "The General" Musharraf and former Prime Minister Benazir Bhutto, that has been engineered primarily by the US, which will see the two sharing power looks set to happen. I am sure that this is in keeping with the Pakistani constitution and that the Pakistani people will have a free and open opportunity to take a different path if that is what they wish. Right?

The wrong direction

The American government, with a committed albeit unsuccessful Texas oilman at the helm, is loathe to do anything to address climate change other than to push bio-fuels. These endeavours have, coupled with bad weather, driven grain prices dramatically upwards over the past twelves months and it is going to get worse as climate change driven droughts and floods increase the stress placed on planet Earth in trying to feed the ever burgeoning population. And if more people in the third world have to go hungry that is not too large a sacrifice to ensure that there will be enough fuel in the Hummer so that Americans can drive the eight hundred metres to the nearest convenience store to purchase an incredibly expensive loaf of bread.

I am very frightened indeed

Captain Codpiece, with his loyal minions rapidly disappearing from around him, seems to be losing his marbles. Really. He is acting more and more irrationally and yesterday, in a speech to the American Legion, another tough audience for a right wingers, he was even more bellicose than usual as regards Iran. He either predicted or threatened a holocaust depending on how you read his remarks. What concerns me most is that there is no restraining influence around him and with "I'm a Big" Dick Cheney whispering sweet nothings in his ear we may have to rely on the military to refuse his completely sane, reasonable and so totally in compliance with international law "orders" to attack the Islamic Republic. He said very explicitly that "we will confront this danger before it is too late". I don't think he was referring to sanctions.

The full speech can be found here.

Who's meddling?

Bolivia's President Evo Morales has spoken harshly about foreign interference in the Bolivian political process and threatened harsh action against diplomats who involve themselves in politics. The threat is clearly directed against the wholly innocent and beyond reproach American embassy. Despite the fact that declassified embassy documents clearly indicate that US funded efforts to oppose Morales's Movement Toward Socialism party as recently as 2002 a spokesman for the US Embassy, Eric Watnik, said yesterday that "cooperation from the U.S. is apolitical". (The first "a" in apolitical as Mr. Watnik uses it clearly being silent.)

It's good to be in charge

Executive pay at FTSE100 companies increased a measly 37% last year or 11 times the increase in average pay and 20 times the rate of inflation if you keep track of such things. Do they really believe that they add this kind of value or are they just enjoying their time in the insider's club where they get to approve each others pay packets? If you are interested I favour the second theory.

Why did no one tell me?

Captain Codpiece is to use the occasion of a speech to the American Legion, always a tough audience for a right wing politician, to declare that Iraq is the front line against Iran. Are we at war with Iran? Have I missed the shock and awe bit? Have I missed the quagmire bit?

With God on our side

The sole remaining employee at the US Department of Justice, Assistant U.S. Attorney General Peter Keisler, has said that Il Papa is protected by immunity from a lawsuit filed against the Pontiff on charges that he helped to cover up sexual molestation within the church.

God could not be reached for comment as She was having a night out with the girls.

And I suppose Homer Simpson is his role model

Armed security guard found asleep at the gates to nuclear power station. Don't anyone tell Osama!

Hey look it is a beauty pagent not a clever and articulate pagent

Ms. South Carolina is doing the rounds explaining her difficulties with geography at the Miss Teen USA pagent.

Angel of death

Captain Codpiece seems to bring death everywhere he goes. For the second time in less than a year a police officer has died whilst escorting Bush.

I am sorry to tell the grieving families in Hawaii and New Mexico that their loved ones, tragically, died in vain.

For the love of God

Michale Vick has found Jesus. Praise the Lord! Although perhaps Jesus had always been with him. According to the Searchable Bible there are forty mentions of dog or dogs in the New International Bible and as far as I can tell none of them would have told Michael Vick that he shouldn't train canine creatures to become vicious, bloodthirsty beasts and amuse himself by watching them fight each other.

Getting fatter all the time

Perhaps it's about time American gave up on the car and started walking again. It's just a thought.

And my hearty congratulations, and double cheeseburgers all around, to the great state of Mississippi which has surpassed a 30% obesity rate and climbing. What's the target for 50%?

I think I've picked a bad week to become an alcoholic

There seems to be nothing but bad news, bad news and more bad news.

We didn't believe the IAEA re Iraq

Ergo I see no reason to believe that we will believe them re Iran. Game on.

British politics are more fun!

No really. They are! Trust me.

At last a President with God in his heart

Many, probably most, Americans consider that it is good and necessary thing for an American President to believe unequivocally and unquestioningly in God and that his or her faith should guide him or her in everything he or she does.

I reckon they do not feel that way about the President of Turkey though. Assuming they know that there is a country called Turkey; that is a Muslim nation that has a long standing dedication to secular government; that it is not something that you eat on Thanksgiving before watching American football.

Imitation IS the sincerest form of flattery

Cheap, poorly made goods produced in horrible conditions in sweatshops. Dangerous additives used in the manufacturing process without regard for safety and health of either consumer or employee. Wholesale violations of intellectual property rights and faking of country of origin.

China today. The US one hundred and fifty years ago.

La plus ça change as they say.

In other Iraq news

Now that former Iraqi defence minister Hazem al-Shaalan to three years in prison for corrupt practices how long will it be before embattled Iraqi PM Nouri al-Maliki rings the Decider(TM) to find out how long he must wait before he commutes this obviously excessively severe sentence?

How can a campaign that doesn't exist lose an employee it shouldn't have?

I don't know either but it seems to be happening to Republican not-yet-candidate Fred Thompson with alarming regularity.

Progress report

With Iraq's internally displaced people now numbering more than a million conditions for the country's children continue to deteriorate with poor sanitation and lack of potable water exposing tens of thousands of young Iraqis to risk of suffering and disease. Poor nutrition and lack of shelter are also critical problems. As to education I reckon you can guess.

The good news is that plenty of fresh flowers have been made available with which these otherwise idle youngsters can shower the occupying liberating foreign troops.

I smell a lawsuit (or a thousand) coming

The state of Florida has plans to use crushed recycled glass to help rebuild the state's disappearing beaches. Given what glass is made from, sand, this is probably an excellent idea but this is America we are talking about and what is going to happen the first time someone cuts their foot or a more delicate body part? I can see the scumbag personal injury law firms setting up huts at the beach and handing out contracts already.

John Edwards just doesn't get it does he?

What's the point of working so hard to become the President of the United States if you are just going to have to appoint qualified people to critical posts instead of your mates and tired political hacks? The next thing you know he'll be suggesting that the President should be elected rather than appointed by the Supreme Court.

We'll go when we want to!

British Foreign Secretary David Miliband said today that UK troops would leave Iraq when they bloody well feel like it. (Note: this is a slight paraphrase of what he actually said.) Reports that Mr. Miliband scurried out of the interview with the BBC to ring US Defense Secretary Robert Gates to see how he did cannot be confirmed at this time.

Why is there never a "loony" right?

This story from the Washington Times claims that the "America's right-wing and Canada's 'loony left' have found common ground" in opposition the imaginary North American Union that Captain Codpiece and the leaders of the nations due north of and south of the US cooked up when they recently mess.

I guess I have to consider the source. If anyone knows "loony" it is the loony Moonie moonbats at the Times!

Holy batcrime Batman!

Crimes against bats are rising in the UK and the Bat Conservation Trust believes those that are reported are "just the tip of the iceberg". Now that I know that batcrime actually exists I shall try to be ever vigilant.

Does the Republican National Committee sponsor a softball team?

If so they probably ought to be named The Cottagers. Do you reckon Senator Craig (R - ID) was frightened of the scary black man?

The incident as reinacted by a Sacramento CA news tean.

Spinning Gone-zo

Here we go. Ari Fleischer tries to blame Congress for politicising the Justice Department. I think Think Progress manages to debunk that "theory" rather handily.

A sponsorship too far?

The only question in my mind about these tenative plans is whether it will be the Golden Grahams Gate Bridge or, perhaps more in keeping with the right-wingers perception of the California city as the home of Satan and all things nasty but fun, the Golden Showers Gate Bridge.

How I want to spend my 100th birthday

With a fag and a tipple. Croydon's not that far away, half hour on the bus, perhaps I should stop by and ask Ms. Langley for some pointers.

Gone-zo watch (day 157 the last)

US Attorney General and Bush succubus Alberto "Gone-zo" Gonzales is now ex-Attorney General but still a succubus and I don't have to do this anymore!

Oh happy day!

(NOT TO BE CONTINUED...)

The few, the proud, the Decider(TM)

I stumbled on this in the introduction to Edward Said's book Culture and Imperialism. Let it be a reminder to those who didn't really pay attention when Bush name checked the character Pyle from Graham Green's The Quiet American:

"Few readers today, after Vietnam, Iran, the Philippines, Algeria, Cuba, Nicaragua, Iraq, would disagree that it is precisely the fervent innocence of Greene's Pyle or Naipaul's Father Huismans, men for whom the native can be educated into 'our' civilization, that turns out to produce the murder, subversion, and endless instability of 'primitive' societies."

I hope that clears things up for you!

He can't handle the truth

Over at Alan Keyes's' refreshing and ever entertaining Renew America website I find this column whose writer is outraged by a column in the Seattle Post-Intelligencer which he believes describing the remaining Bush supporter as "white, male, middle-aged and slightly stupid".

Your point is?

And the runner up is...........

FORMER US Attorney General and Bush succubus Alberto "Gone-zo" Gonzales has secured the coveted runner up spot in the first annual Yank in London Who Will Get Sacked First? competition by resigning!!!! The only question remaining is how long until his pardon for perjury? Oh happy day.

In case you've forgotten former England cricket coach Duncan Fletcher came from way back to win the competition back in April surprising co-favourites Gone-zo and England football coach Steve "I've never really coached a winning team and it doesn't look like I'm going to start now" McClaren who is now doomed to finish last.

Making the world safe for hypocrisy...

...and Halliburton and Blackwater and hundreds of others.

How Bush and his minions have used the war in Iraq to redistribute wealth from the average American taxpayer to wealthy American contractors.

Should the US taxpayer be footing the bill for this?

It sure sounds like the new 24 hour a day, 7 day a week Iraq (mis)Communications Desk being set up at the Pentagon to pave the way for the straight A report card from General Petraeus next month is purely a political operation. Shouldn't the Republican National Committee, or alternately the George W. Bush Legacy Fund, be stumping up for this?

Missing you

He seems to have gone off of Captain Codpiece's radar screen (again!) but the world's most wanted man Osama bin Laden is still out there somewhere. Maybe someday.

Kapitalist kibbutzim?

I wonder how many of the rabid wingers who blindly support all things Israeli and who accuse anyone criticising anything Israeli of being anti-Semitic realise that the secondary founding principle of the state of Israel was socialism? Not very many I reckon. So they we probably be surprised at the news that some of the country's kibbutzim are going free market.

I don't care what they call it...

...as long as they put it in October or November. After today, the creatively named Summer Bank Holiday, there are no more bank holidays until Xmas day.

It's hot in Texas

How hot? This hot!

Now you don't have to be a genius to realise that it probably is not a good idea to leave a container of flammable gas inside a car in Texas in the summertime. But then if Mr. Reas was a genius he probably wouldn't be living in Texas.

Sometimes parents DO know their kids!

On Friday night a Philadelphia man was arrested for chaining his 13 year old son to his bed "to keep him out of trouble". With Dad out of the way said 13 year old son was arrested on Saturday afternoon for vandalising cars. Now I am not advocating chaining your kids to the bed but...

How many Bush minions does it take to change a light bulb?

Answere here.

Lei has a dream. "Too bad" say some

There are still some people upset because a Chinese artist has been selected to sculpt the Martin Luther King Jr. memorial in Washington DC because he's not black or not American or hasn't any ancestors that were slaves or something.

Weren't they paying attention?

Hasta la vista baby

Showing his compassionate side California's Grope-anator Arnie Schwarzenegger cancels a 55 million USD programme for the mentally ill homeless before signing the state's long overdue budget. Why not? They probably don't vote and their families either don't know or don't care where they are so their votes be affected either.

No news here!

Wife number two to skip memorial for wife number one after quiet word from Mum-in-law.

The sporting news

I accept that men's 100 metres final at the World Athletics Championships was an eagerly awaited contest between an American and a Jamaican but did the Guardian have to choose "Gay blows Powell away in stunning piece of overtaking" as a headline?

Today in music

17 years ago today Steve Ray Vaughan died in a helicopter crash at the tender age of 35. He is missed.

"Texas Flood"

Progress report

The number of internally displaced people in Iraq has doubled since the American surge started working in February. I don't expect General Petraeus to bring this up next month.

I guess this means that Big Brother won't become Big Sister anytime soon

The Chinese government has banned, with immediate effect, any reality TV programmes concerning plastic surgery or sex change operations. Now if we could only convince Gordon Brown to do the same.

Attack of the "gribbers"

Fully one third of Londoners tells fibs about the greenness of their lifestyle. I am so ashamed about my neighbours!

Gone-zo watch (day 156)

The fate of US Attorney General and Bush succubus Alberto "Gone-zo" Gonzales is once again slipping down the radar as the first story returned in a Google news search for "Gonzales" is a story about a Norberto Gonzales in the Philippines governments although the headline to the article, "Gonzales: No one says no to the President", almost fooled me into thinking otherwise.

(To be continued...)

I'm sure someone thought this was a good idea

US forces in Afghanistan have been handing out footballs* to kids with the name of Allah on them. We are just really rubbish at the hearts and minds thing.

*Note for Americans - footballs are round!

Über-liberal, gay marrying, freedom hating Massachusetts...

...has the lowest divorce rate in the United States. Go figure!

This should mean that we won't have Mike Huckabee to kick around anymore

Apparently Mr. Hukabee's campaign team hasn't looked into America's demographics lately. How else can one explain his decision to declare war on fat people?

Was does Mohamed El Baradei hate freedom?

The head of the UN's International Atomic Energy Agency has harshly criticised America's multi-billion USD Middle East arms deals saying that they will "not resolve the issue". Well how does he propose to bring peace and prosperity to the troubled region is not with incredibly expensive and extraordinarily lethal military hardware.

And grown men wept

Nice but very, very, very dime Miss South Carolina in the Miss Teen USA competition explains why most Americans can't read maps.

Going to Florida for your holidays?

You might want to pack your own lunch as the Sunshine State might better be more aptly named the E. coli State.

Freedom hating whistleblowers distort the free market in Iraq

But socialist Forbes Magazine seems to think that they are being treated harshly for exposing the quite necessary corruption that is endemic in the Iraq reconstruction programme. Can they be more wrong?

Sign of things to come

Iceland, which only resumed commercial whaling last year has now decided to suspend the practice indefinitely admitting that there isn't a market in Iceland. These are people who eat rotten shark so it's not because they are squeamish.

Japan and Norway next?

Progress report

The defection of former Prime Minister Ayad Allawi's Iraqi National Accord the Iraqi coalition government now consists solely of Prime Minister Nouri al-Maliki, US Vice President "I'm a Big" Dick Cheney and Bill Kristol.

I can see this working

Are the Tories desperate already? It would seem so as they to put forward plans that will allow parents set up their own schools, with taxpayer funds.

Think socialist home schooling on steroids.

The football news

The long simmering dispute between English World Cup heroes Jack and Sir Bobby Charlton has bubbled to the surface once again. Sir Bobby has a book out and in it he repeats his accusations that Jack said bad things about his wife.

So much for the boys of '66 reunion tour.

Coming soon to a cinema near you

I am an excessively loyal devotee of the the still going strong Bob Dylan. I have probably seen him twenty times or more over the past thirty five or forty years. This autumn sees the release of a biopic in which six different actors, including a black and Kate Blanchett, play the great man.

I wait with bated breath.

In which I agree with Christopher Hitchens

I must confess that I don't always agree with Christopher Hitchens, although I always enjoy watching him run intellectual rings around whatever hapless network journalist is trying to argue with him, but when he's right, he's right. And today he's (mostly) right. Here are his thirteen simple reasons why Vietnam is a bad analogy for the (what I believe to the illegal even if Hitchens doesn't) invasion and occupation of Iraq:

1) The Vietminh, later the Vietnamese NLF, were allies of the United States and Britain against the Axis during the Second World War. The Iraqi Baath party was on the other side.

2) Ho Chi Minh quoted Thomas Jefferson in proclaiming Vietnam's own declaration of independence, a note that has hardly been struck in Baathist or jihadist propaganda.

3) Vietnam was resisting French colonialism and had defeated it by 1954 at Dien Bien Phu; the real 'war' was therefore over before the US even landed troops in the country.

4) The subsequent conflict was fought to preserve an imposed partition of a country striving to reunify itself; if anything, the Iraqi case is the reverse.

5) The Vietnamese leadership appealed to the UN: the Saddamists and their jihadist allies murdered the first UN envoy to arrive in Iraq, saying that he was fit only for death because he had assisted in securing the independence of East Timor from Indonesia.

6) Vietnam never threatened any other country; Iraq under Saddam invaded two of its neighbours and declared one of them (Kuwait) to be part of Iraq itself.

7) Vietnam was a victim of chemical and ecological warfare; Iraq was the perpetrator of such illegal methods and sought to develop even worse nuclear and biological ones.

8) Vietnam neither sponsored nor encouraged terrorist tactics beyond its borders; Iraq under Saddam was a haven for Abu Nidal and other random killers and its 'insurgents' now proclaim war on Hindus, Jews, unbelievers and the wrong sort of Muslim.

9) There has for years been a 'people's war' fought by genuine guerrillas in Iraq; it is the war of liberation conducted by Kurdish fighters against genocide and dictatorship. Inconveniently for all analogies, these fighters are ranged on the side of the US and Britain.

10) The Iraqi Communist party and the Iraqi labour movement advocated the overthrow of Saddam (if not necessarily by Bush), a rather conspicuous difference from the situation in Indochina. These forces still form a part of the tenuous civil society that is fighting to defend itself against the parties of God.

11) The American-sponsored regimes in Vietnam tended, among other things, to be strongly identified with one confessional minority (Catholic) to the exclusion of secular, nationalist and Buddhist forces. The elected government in Iraq may have a sectarian hue, but at least it draws upon hitherto repressed majority populations - Kurds and Shias - and at least the American embassy works as a solvent upon religious and ethnic divisions rather than an inciter of them.

12) President Eisenhower admitted that if there had ever been a fair election in Vietnam, it would have been won by Ho Chi Minh; the Baath party's successors refused to participate in the Iraqi elections and their jihadist allies declared that democracy was an alien concept and threatened all voters with murder.

13) The Americans in Vietnam employed methods ('search and destroy'; 'body count') and weapons (napalm, Agent Orange) that targeted civilians. Today, those who make indiscriminate war on the innocent show their hand on the streets of Baghdad and are often the proxies of neighbouring dictatorships or of international gangster organisations.

The above list is by no means exhaustive, but will do, I think, as a caution against any glib invocation of historical comparisons. One might add that among the results of the Vietnamese revolution was an admittedly crude form of market socialism, none the less wedded to ideas of modernisation; a strong resistance to Chinese expansionism (one excuse for Washington's invasion); and a military expedition to depose the genocidal Khmer Rouge regime in Cambodia.

I do think he is wrong when he later compares the insurgents to the Khmer Rouge but I suspect that this is about as close as we will get to agreement!

Gone-zo watch (day 155)

Should the unforeseen happen and US Attorney General and Bush succubus Alberto "Gone-zo" Gonzales lose his job could it be that he will be replaced by the hugely successful Secretary of the Department of Homeland Security, Michael Chertoff? Stranger things have happened but I can't remember when.

(To be continued...)

A message from our sponsor

I hope that whoever it was that ended up here with a search for

what is a "half ball"? cocaine

found what they were looking for!

Because this song almost always make me cry

Elvis Costello - "Shipbuilding"

Why are Republicans so sexually repressed?

This is tragic but once again we seem to have a carefully closeted Republican.

Some statistics for the every-life-is-sacred crowd

• 1,900,000 infant deaths
• 135,000 maternal deaths
• 60,000,000 unintended pregnancies
• 25,000,000 abortions

The cost of the US withholding funding from the United Nations Population Fund.

You must be ever so proud.

I am ever so proud...

...never to have purchased a Ted Nugent album (although I do know people who did).

I think Will Durst might have skipped over something...

...but I'm not sure what just at this moment.

Why is Britain trying so very hard to be America?

In penny lane there is a copper taking photographs
Of every victim he's had the pleasure to know.
And all the people that come and go
Stop and say oh no

Two nightclub doormen where shot in an incident on Penny Lane in the Mossley Hill area of Liverpool last night. At least one of the men is still in critical condition.

The sludge that made Milwaukee famous

Milwaukee WI is fast running out of room to store its contaminated sewage sludge. The sewage is toxic because it contains high levels of PCBs, chemicals that have been banned in the US since the late seventies.

Does anyone have any spare space in their garden? If you do please contact Jeff Spence of the Milwaukee Metropolitan Sewerage District at +14142725100. They would be most appreciative. They would prefer that you pick up your sludge personally but they will deliver if no other arrangements can be made.

Do I hear thunder?

The Pakistani military has successfully tested fired a new cruise missile, the Raad (Raad is Arabic for "thunder"). The missile has a range of 350 km and is capable of carrying nuclear warheads.

I do so look forward to peace in our time, don't you?

Will the candidates have to pull a locomotive first?

Rumours that current Iraqi Prime Minister Nuri al-Maliki could be replaced by a "strongman" are beginning to rumble. The idea is that what the country needs is a leader that strong enough to keep the country under control but not an enemy of the United States like the Saddam Hussein we killed was. What we need is something more like the old Saddam Hussein. You know - the one Rummy liked so much!

It depends on what the meaning of "public" is

The high school in Lawrence MA is to start charging students a dollar a day to ride the school bus. They recently built a new school out of town, many kids could walk to the old one, and apparently forget to calculate the costs of transportation. Showing what his heart is made of superintendent of schools Wilfredo Laboy is quoted as saying:

"We recognize parents may have hardships. But educating kids is a costly business."

Nice.

Your flag decal won't get you into heaven anymore...

...but a good church might do the trick! The Guardian has a slide show. Note that these are American church signs. They're much too in your face for the CofE.

Today in paleontology

10,000 6,000 year old mammoth bones found in Florida.

Democrats go medieval

"Flay Bush" for Vietnam analogy. Was he alive at the time? Is there film on YouTube?

In case you have forgotten this is flaying!

Get a goddamn job Ted!

Disgraced, sexually confused and unemployed former mega-church preacher Ted Haggard wants his supporters to put up some bucks so he and his long suffering wife can go back to school.

Arizona State University offers a degree in gender studies. Do you reckon that's what he's going to take?

Grandpa's still got a spring in his step...

...it's hard to believe that he's ninety three!

Hyper-sensitive Muslims force good Christian off the air

Relentless pressure from the Council on American Islamic Relations has robbed Floridians of the gentle ministrations of the Rt. Rev. Bill Keller. Why did the Godless ones at WTOG decide tak his show, Live Prayer with Bill Keller, off the air? Because the murderous terrorists at CAIR asked CBS to investigate after Rev. Keller was quoted as saying such truths as the fact that Islam is a "1,400-year-old lie from the pits of hell", that Mohammed was a "murdering pedophile" and that the Koran is a "book of fables and a book of lies". What's the problem?

I would like to add to Rev. Keller's statements the following: that Christianity is a 2,000-year-old lie from the pits of hell, that Jesus was a murdering pedophile and that the Bible, camouflaged or not, is a book of fables and a book of lies.

Everyone OK with that?

Coming soon to a cinema near you

No End in Sight

Another traitor in our midst

Marine Gen. Peter Pace, outgoing Chairman of the Joint Chiefs of Staff, wants to cut and run. Fortunately for the Decider(TM) during his entire service career General Pace has been kept aloft by hundreds of helium balloons and therefore does not count as a "General on the ground". Close one, eh?

This season's must have fashion accessory

The Holy Camo Bible, or should that be Camo Holy Bible? But what if it clashes with my bulletproof rucksack?

There is something seriously wrong with America, isn't there? Isn't anyone taking their medication anymore?

"It's quiet in there; too quiet!"

That's because it's empty, you bloody idiots!

Five hour siege. Snipers. Tear gas. Police dogs. Empty house*.

Your tax dollars at work.

*There weren't even any WMDs!

Why would anyone with any credibility give Ann Coulter a forum?

Not that one could accuse Sean Hannity of having any credibility?

Just what does one have to do exactly to commit libel in American anyway?

Catholic schism in Denver

They're fighting amongst themselves they are.

Of course I'm not sure that I have much sympathy for alleged dedicated "pilgrims" who feel an overwhelming need to get into the air conditioning after a twenty five mile stroll. They sure don't make 'em like they used to.

Oh Canada! We throw these stones for Thee!

Ok. Ok. D'accord. When we said that undercover police were not used as agents provocateurs during the North American summit in Quebec what we really meant was that undercover police were used as agents provocateurs during the North American summit in Quebec. We only did what the Yanks forced us to do. We're sorry for any confusion.

Video from the scene

"Koalas are so cute, aren't they?"

"Hey! Wait a minute! What is he doing? On my God! Don't let the children watch!"

Another milestone achieved?

Since the illegal US invasion and occupation of Iraq the prison population has increased dramatically and, with the upcoming Success of the Surge (SOS), the number of detainees held by the Americans has grown by 50% in the past six months. Most of these prisoners belong to one minority ethnic group, the Sunnis. I wonder where they got that idea.

And your point is Vlady?

Russian President Vladimir Putin has accused the US of wanting to be the sole military power in the world and to be allowed to do what it wants.

At last he gets it! He really gets it.

Religious zealots force newspaper closure over blasphemous cartoon!

Organise the boycotts!

Cut off diplomatic relations!

Heap scorn on the country!

What? The zealots were Christians?

Sorry to have troubled you. Never mind.

An intolerant nation?

"Rules for Female Teachers":

1. Do not get married.
2. Do not leave town at any time without permission of the school board.
3. Do not keep company with men.
4. Be home between the hours of 8 PM and 6 AM.
5. Do not loiter downtown in...stores.
6. Do not smoke.
7. Do not get into a [vehicle] with any man except your father or brother.
8. Do not dress in bright colors.
9. Do not dye your hair.
10. Do not wear any dress more than two inches above the ankle.

This is just a reminder for those of us who might wish to be adopt a smug, "holier than thou" attitude to other cultures' treatment of women. These rules come from a town in Massachusetts, circa 1900, which after all isn't all that long ago. Shamelessly "borrowed" from Howard Zinn's People's History of the United States.

Paging Randy Newman!

These people need a song too!

Where's the British John Gibson?

Clearly one is desperately needed to talk up the fertility rate of proper, white, British women as we now discover that one in four British babies is born to foreigners!

Get out there and get shagging!

And yet his is still a talentless twat!

B list actor (except in Germany where he is top of the A list) David Hassellhoff has won a libel judgement against OK! magazine which had reported him to be "drunk and abusive" at a London nightspot.

Kit, the smarter and more talented half of the Knightrider duo, could not be reached for comment.

Quotes of the day

"Intolerance is the natural concomitant of strong faith; tolerance grows only when faith loses certainty; certainty is murderous." Will Durant The Age of Faith

"Any organization created out of fear must create fear in order to survive" Bill Hicks

Monsieur le président - sans ses poignées d'amour

French President Nicholas Sarkozy gets the airbrush treatment de ses amis à Paris Match.

Gone-zo watch (day 154)

With the resignation of the embattled head of the US Justice Department's "Civil Rights" Division, Wan Kim, I now believe that US Attorney General and Bush succubus Alberto "Gone-zo" is the DoJ's sole remaining employee. Confirmation when available.

(To be continued...)

Christ - not him again!

I thought Iraq was rid of Ayad Allawi for once and for all. Now, however, it looks like he's hired a Washington DC lobbying firm to promote his candidacy amongst the DC neo-cons who will apparently decided who the next Iraqi PM is. Democracy is hard, isn't it?

I'd have them talk to Krauthammer. He's in charge or at least thinks he is!

For your listening pleasure

Tom Rush & "No Regrets"

Nutter-naut in court plea

Former American astronaut Lisa Nowak has asked a court to please let her take off her tracking anklet. Why not? It's not like she's going to leave the planet or anything.

It is not known at this time if she also asked to have her nappy changed.

Shorter Charles Krauthammer

I decide who rules Iraq damnit! Otherwise we will be defeated.

A sign from God

What else could a giant sinkhole in the centre of Baghdad be?

Good news!

Now that there's anti-land mine radar we won't need to sign up to that anti-land mine convention after all. We'll just have to equip all six year olds in former war zones with the radar and problem solved!

One hour and twenty two minutes

That is how much more jail time ersatz celebrity Nicole Richie served for driving under the influence of drugs than I. Lewis "Scooter" Libby served for perjury.

But how much jail time did Ms. Richie serve? One hour and twenty two minutes.

A 20" TV?

Yes. I was born a long, long time ago but I find this list of college dorm necessities appalling. Am I turning into a grumpy old man or is it unnecessary to have a 20" LCD TV AND a fridge in your room? What kind of energy consumption are they responsible for? Whatever happened to the green generation?

The ten dorm necessities when I went off to university in 1973 were:

1. Bong
2. Backup bong
3. Poster from "Dark Side of the Moon"
4. Frisbee
5. The collected works of Carlos Castaneda
6. Rolling papers
7. Fake ID
8. Cocktail shaker
9. Tang
10. Condoms

What's with all this materialism all of a sudden?

Can one be an agnostic and still become a saint?

There may still be hope that someday in the future there will be a St. Yank in London. Why? Because it seems that Mother Theresa spent the last fifty or so years of her life as an agnostic or an atheist. Is it enough to change the Pope's mind about that fast track to sainthood though?

I thought God took care of the void on the first day, didn't She?

So how can we explain that astronomers have found a big, fuck all hole in the universe?

Till death do them part

More news on the happy evangelical preacher marriage front.

In Atlanta evangelist preacher Juanita Bynum was allegedly beaten with a baseball bat in a car park by her estranged husband Thomas Week with whom she shares her Global Destiny Church ministry. Ms. Bynum is known for preaching empowerment to women in abusive relationships. Shouldn't God be taking care of these people? Why doesn't She care?

Faster Pussycat! Kill! Kill!

Across the US, especially in the south, it is getting more difficult for prisoners facing the death penalty to get adequate representation.

The Bush administration reaction to this? The predictable: "Let's get a move on! We've got a hell of a queue here."

Shorter (but not thinner) Rush Limbaugh

Republicans want to keep US forces out of Darfur because they hate black people! I hope that is helpful for you.

Meet the Phlash

There's always something interesting happening in Philadelphia.

"Has the Decider(TM) been consistent in his remarks about the Iraqi PM?"

"Yes!" - says unimpeachable and unbiased source at the White House press office.

Sorted.

Progress report

From the US government's own National "Intelligence" Estimate on Iraq.

High level of violence? √
Al Qaeda able to mount major attacks? √
Iraqi security forces unable to operate alone? √
Iraqi government unable to function effectively? √
American recruiting of Sunni militia undermining elected Iraqi government? √

It smells like victory. I wonder what Ari Fleischer thinks?

R.I.P.

Grace Paley - 1992 - 2007. Poet. Short story writer. Pacifist. Extraordinary human being.

Didn't we used to condemn China for behaving like this?

The Arizona Department of Corrections is hiring out prison inmates to help make up for a shortage in migrant workers caused by immigration crackdowns and Michelle Malkin's refusal to take the place of the illegal workers she says we don't need or want; it would ruin her nails after all.

Somehow I suspect that the ADC gets paid a lot more than is passed on to the prisoners but that is just a wild guess.

Say it ain't so!

The (not so?) Right Randy White is getting a divorce from his wife the Right Reverend Paula White. Together the soon-to-be-ex-pair run the 25,000 member strong Without Walls International Church in Tampa FL. It will be the second divorce for each member of this family friendly couple. Why do they hate the baby Jesus?

The question on every one's lips, as is always the way in cases like this, is "who gets to keep the congregation?".

Meanwhile whilst the western world isn't watching...

...the situation in Darfur continues to deteriorate and Amnesty International provides evidence that the Sudanese government is violating the United Nations arms embargo. Maybe the missing American munitions from Iraq will turn up there.

"Does this taste funny to you? It tastes funny to me."

I hope none of your work in the Fenton Business Center in Southern California. It seems that for the past two years you have been drinking sewage

."We thought we had a good process," said Mark Watton, Otay Water District's general manager. "Obviously, there's a gap."

No shit Sherlock!

Big Brother IS watching (one in an occasional series)

The US government is set to start investigating workers for organisations that receive funding from the U.S. Agency for International Development. Information including Social Security numbers, birth dates and email address will be required. According to an unnamed executive from an affected NGO "[w]e don't know who will do the vetting, what the standards are and whether we could answer any allegation". I can't see the problem, can you?

Is Japan the new Texas?

Under the guiding hand of Justice Minister Jinen Nagase Japan has now executed ten people in less than ten years. It's a good start but Mr. Nagase has a long way to go to rival the Decider(TM).