Yank in London
occasional musings on politics, culture and life in general from an american in exile


"We have it in our power to begin the world over again"

Tom Paine - Common Sense

"A republic, sir, if you can keep it."

Benjamin Franklin

"War! What is it good for? Absolutely nothing!"

Norman Whitfield / Barrett Strong

31 August 2007
  Coming soon to an Ebay near you
The Minersville PA garage door Madonna. I don't see it myself but then I forgot to have my magic mushroom omelet for breakfast this morning.
  16:26:00 0 comments links to this post
  A suggestion for Senator Craig
It doesn't look as if there is much hope of saving your career. In a final act of desperation, before you decide to return home to spend more time keeping secrets from your family, I suggest you have a go at the never before attempted maneuver of going to not-now-and-never-has-been-gay to ex-gay without ever passing through gayness. Who knows? You can fool all of the people some of the time. Look at your career to date.
  16:07:00 0 comments links to this post
  101 reasons you shouldn't get drunk with your boss
Meet Alton (TX) Police Chief Jose Luis Vela. He is reason 38.
  14:59:00 0 comments links to this post
  Massive anti-American conspircary unearthed at UN
It has been discovered that United Nations personnel have been hiding Iraq's WMDs in their New York offices in an effort to discredit Our Great Leader.

Shock and awe air strikes have been called in and former interim US Ambassador to the UN John Bolton will be on hand to laser in the first laser guided bomb!
  14:54:00 0 comments links to this post
  Leap of faith
Point one: Florida has the highest incidence of food related illnesses contracted at restaurants.

Point two: a large percentage of food service employees in Florida are immigrants

Ergo: Kitchen worker immigrants (and possibly Democrats) are trying to kill you!
  14:43:00 0 comments links to this post
  Well he was running away at the time!
Headline of the week: "Police announce crack in case of naked Millville man".
  14:40:00 0 comments links to this post
  Now this IS news!
The great state of Texas DID NOT execute someone despite his being innocent of murder. Obviously the Decider(TM) is no longer Governor.
  14:36:00 0 comments links to this post
  Just my ECT and me (or how I spent my summer vacation)
This is tragic, appalling, offensive and criminal. How is this possible in America or any country that considers itself civilised? In my mind there is no doubt that this is child abuse. The people who run this institution, one cannot reasonably call it a school, and the people who are responsible for sending children to this institution ought to be in prison; for a considerable period of time.

The Mother Jones article is here.
  14:25:00 0 comments links to this post
  In which I agree with Michelle Malkin (no really - I do!)
If Senator Craig doesn't "do this sort of thing" how did he know he was being solicited?
  14:21:00 0 comments links to this post
  Not that I wish ill of anyone...
...but I think it would have been very instructive if Sen. Joe Lieberman (Almost R - CT) had been on this plane with fellow lawmakers as it came under fire from RPGs at it took off from Baghdad International Airport and had to take evasive action. I doubt it would have caused him to change his mind about the progress he sees everywhere he goes but it might have caused him to change his y-fronts.
  14:16:00 0 comments links to this post
  Waxman asks for White House "lost" emial reports
White House expected to reply: "We emailed them to you, didn't you get them?".
  14:13:00 6 comments links to this post
  Ms. Maglalang wants to save America
She continues to ride her high house onto a Seattle ferry and finds Filipino Muslims on it.

I have a solution that I am certain, based on her past record, she will approve off. Since there is no way to tell a good Filipino/a from a bad Filipino/a the only way to ensure that America remains safe from these potential and actual evil doers is to all Filipinos and Filipinos, or anyone who looks like they could be such, in America in concentration holiday camps for their own safety. Right Michelle? Would you care to volunteer to go first?
  14:01:00 0 comments links to this post
  Cloud cuckoo land II
Tom Delay visits Chris Matthews to (not) defend Senator Larry Craig (Not Gay - Idaho); says "we don't have all the truth yet" despite guilty plea; spends twenty minutes reciting every Democrat(ic) scandal in the past two decades but forgets to mention his own; calls Chris Matthews a liberal!

Crooks and Liars has the video.
  13:55:00 0 comments links to this post
  Cloud cuckoo land
Pat Buchanan and Joe Scarborough have been at the ganja again. They seem to think that a military strike against Iran is just what the American people are looking for. It does make them wonder if they have ever visited the "reality based community". Perhaps they would like to.
  13:49:00 0 comments links to this post
  "Just wait for our lies report before you make a judgement"
The White House has struck back after the substance of the General Accounting Office's report on Iraqi progress was leaked and revealed we are basically no further than we were three months ago. I am sure that there is nothing damaging in the raw report that cannot be addressed with an intelligently applied red pencil and a basic level of deceit.
  13:42:00 0 comments links to this post
  Progress report

"However today, we are witnessing a new kind of dictatorship, that one could call 'Bush's democratic dictatorship'. This democracy is comprised of groups of vengeful, malicious, murderous and corrupt sectarians who returned after having been exiled to neighboring countries - specifically Iran and Syria. And the memories remain. The Iraqis are aware of Prime Minister Al-Maliki's corruption and the nest of forgery at his former stronghold near the Saiyyda Zeinab Mosque in Damascus, which is a distinct hallmark of the pattern of government in the new Iraq."

Read the rest of this view from Iraq.

  13:39:00 0 comments links to this post
  US government audit proves that Saddam DID have WMDs!
Clearly if the US governemnt mislay atomic weapons parts then the Iraqis must have done the same. They are bound to turn up soon.
  12:36:00 0 comments links to this post
  More Christian persecution!
And in Indiana no less. The mother is claiming that that Christians are being targeted by a high school policy that prohibits ALL logos and slogans on clothing. I wonder how she did in logic when she went to school.
  12:29:00 0 comments links to this post
  I haven't got a problem with this
If one is allowed to talk on a mobile and drive or send texts on a mobile and drive why can't one have a crafty wank and drive? I am assuming, perhaps rashly, that he did keep at least one hand on the wheel at all times.
  12:22:00 0 comments links to this post
  Surprise, surprise (in Gomer Pyle voice)
In a shock announcement B list actor Fred Thompson has announced that he is going to announce that he is going to seek the Republican Presidential nomination.

Many pundits, including myself, had thought that the gravel voiced telly "star" was attempting to become the first President in over a century to get elected without actually becoming a candidate.
  12:12:00 0 comments links to this post
  What's up in Manchester?
The city was hit by a minor earthquake for the sixth time in less than a month yesterday. I'm not sure that the 2.4 event would even count in California.

Key quote from local resident Claire Hardy

:"The cups rattled on the shelf and I thought, 'What the hell was that?'"

  12:08:00 0 comments links to this post
  He will hear but will he listen?
There is quite a bit of news coverage today about Captain Codpiece's plans to "hear" the concerns of the military about the situation in Iraq. I thought that to be a rather odd choice of words so I did a bit of research.

A Google news search for Bush+military+concerns+HEAR yields 578 results. In contrast a Google news search for bush+military+concerns+LISTEN yeilds only 86 results most of which are not about Iraq.

Just a coincidence or are they trying to manage our already incredibly low expectations?
  11:57:00 0 comments links to this post
  Time for Britain to start thinking Republican!
No - not in a scary Tom DeLay-Newt Gingrich kind of way but in a isn't-the-Royal-Family-an-anachronism kind of way. The sun has well and truly set on the British Empire when Queen Elizabeth II of England and Wales and Queen Elizabeth I of Scotland can only manage 23rd on a list of the world's most powerful women. See came behind the CEO of the company that has given us Jello (no. 9 - Irene Rosenfeld of Kraft Foods), the CEO of a chain of chemist shops (no. 15 - Mary Sammons of Rite Aid Corp.) and the CEO of a company that makes cakes nobody doesn't like (no. 19 - Brenda Barnes of Sara Lee Corp.)

About time I'd say.
  11:45:00 0 comments links to this post
  Happy anniversary New Orleans
It has been two long years since Hurricane Katrina devastated the Gulf Coast of Louisiana and Mississippi but don't expect Captain Codpiece to forget the occasion. He seen to it that an aide to an aide to an aide to a cabinet secretary has circled the date on his calendar so that the Captain can fly down there and remind the good but still homeless folk that he can tell how well things are going because he and his wife, the long suffering and hopefully heavily medicated Laura, don't actually live there.

I am certain that the folks down there are right happy he stopped by!
  11:34:00 0 comments links to this post
  Letting the market decide
Taking a break from bailing out the banks who have led America into its current economic mess through the support of predatory lending practices the Decider(TM) has decided to decide to announce what he is (probably not actually) going to do to help out those Americans at risk of losing their homes. Fortunately for them he won't still be in office in two year's time to celebrate an anniversary with them as them live in tents and trailers.
  11:28:00 0 comments links to this post
  "Is this gay heaven?"
"No - it's Iowa." I have to confess that I didn't see this coming!
  11:25:00 0 comments links to this post
  Bend it like Bentley?
The knee injury to Hollywood's favourite footballer David Beckham, which will see him miss European Championship qualifying matches with Israel and Russia, looks set to give Blackburn Rovers' winger David Bentley (who?) his first shot at an England cap.

I am not feeling good about England's qualifying for the 2008 tournament finals as they now sit in fourth place in Group E and are now without Beckham, Rooney and perhaps Gerard.
  11:17:00 0 comments links to this post
  In Pakistan
The most recent legitimate leader of Pakistan, Nawaz Sharif, who was ousted in an illegal coup by current President Pervez "The General" Musharraf, is set to return to the country in order to challenge the deal being cooked up between "The General" and former PM Benazir Bhutto to share power. The Musharraf/Bhutto coalition seems to have American approval over the candidacy of Mr. Sharif who leads a Muslim religious party. It is curious how supportive the Bush regime is of "secular" governments outside of the US, isn't it?
  11:06:00 0 comments links to this post
  Jab time
Thanks to the furore over a disproved relationship between the measles, mumps and rubella (MMR) vaccine and autism stirred up by Dr Andrew Wakefield with the cooperation of the largely tabloid press the rate of vaccinations of young children in Britain declined considerably. We should not be surprised then to find out that there is a sudden surge in measles cases and the health authorities are having to, once again, urge parents to ensure that their children receive the MMR vaccine.
  11:00:00 0 comments links to this post
  The kleptocrats
I like that word - "kleptocrats". An article in today's Guardian applies the term to Kenya's former leader Daniel Arap Moi as it documents the staggering level of plunder that Moi and his family derived from the African country's treasury. The information comes from a report by risk consultancy Kroll, commissioned by the Kenyan government after Moi left office but never published. Amongst the revelations:

Mr Moi's sons - Philip and Gideon - were reported to be worth £384m and £550m respectively.

His associates colluded with Italian drug barons and printed counterfeit money.

His clique owned a bank in Belgium.

The threat of losing their wealth prompted threats of violence between Mr Moi's family and his political aides.

£4m was used to buy a home in Surrey and £2m to buy a flat in Knightsbridge

There have been no prosectuitons against Mr. Moi, any members of his family or any of his "business" associates as a result of the investigation.
  10:49:00 0 comments links to this post
30 August 2007
  "Gone-zo's" top ten!
As lovingly selected by Josh Marshall.

  16:33:00 0 comments links to this post
  I'll bet they weren't all that hot on the middle class or rich ones either
From Greg Palast: "They wanted them poor niggers out of there".
  16:30:00 0 comments links to this post
  Another reason I don't live in Pennsylvania anymore
State stores. This is one circumstance in which I am a firm believer in the free market and the right of citizens to buy booze in any corner shop!
  16:11:00 0 comments links to this post
  2 + 2 = ∞
More guns. Much safer. Got it?
  16:08:00 0 comments links to this post
  Trends in spam
A year ago there were dozens of people emailing everyday concerned about the length of my penis. Nowadays most of these have gone away and been replaced by people emailing me everyday worried about the girth of my penis. What does this mean?
  15:18:00 0 comments links to this post
  Another blow to the Second Amendment and our freedoms
Aluminium/aluminum baseball bat ban upheld. Damn thos activist judges!
  15:15:00 0 comments links to this post
  Today in history
One hundred and twenty two years ago today: Gottlieb Daimler patented the first motorcycle.

One hundred and twenty two years ago tomorrow: first Hell's Angels chapter formed.
  15:01:00 0 comments links to this post
  DRAFT RUSS!
This clinches it for me!

  14:55:00 0 comments links to this post
  If you thought it was only Christanity that had scary doomsday cults...
...think again. The Shi'as believe that Imam Mahdi (aka the Hidden Imam) will become visible again, he has remained alive but invisible for the past eleven hundred years, "only when corruption and injustice reach their zenith" or next Tuesday as we now know it.

The good news is that he reemergence is one of the fifteen benchmarks, of eighteen, that the Iraqi government has failed to meet so if you do spot him it could be proof that the surge is working.
  14:41:00 1 comments links to this post
  But he is not, nor ever has been, gay!
The Republican leadership has moved quickly to strip Sen. Larry Craig (R - ID) of his important committee posts despite the fact that he is, as he has vociferously stated, innocent; his guilty plea being the kind of mistake anyone could have made. He is also banned from the men's' rooms in the Capitol building and has been reduced to cottaging in public conveniences in the nearest Metro station.
  14:35:00 0 comments links to this post
  No contest grudge match
Christopher Hitchens v. Bill Donohue on Hardball. I'd call it a knockout early in the first. (At least we know that Bill Donohue can use, and has used, a tape measure.) Key quote from Hitchens:

"I think that they [the Vatican] should answer for what they did to her and what they are doing to us."

Also note that Donohue twice disavows his American citizenship and claims to be an Irishman! Is he ashamed? (I'll bet he can't speak a single sentence in Gaelic.)

  14:22:00 0 comments links to this post
  Finally an anti-war song for our time
"Illegal Attacks" from Ian Brown, formerly of the Stone Roses, with a little help from Sinead O'Connor.

So what the fuck is this UK
Gunnin’ with this US of A
In Iraq and Iran and in Afghanistan

Does not a day go by
Without the Israeli Air Force
Fail to drop it’s bombs from the sky?

How many mothers to cry?
How many sons have to die?
How many missions left to fly over Palestine?
‘Cause as a matter of facts
It’s a pact, it’s an act
These are illegal attacks
So bring the soldiers back
These are illegal attacks
It’s contracts for contacts
I’m singing concrete facts
So bring the soldiers back

What mean ya that you beat my people
What mean ya that you beat my people
And grind the faces of the poor

So tell me just how come were the Taliban
Sat burning incense in Texas
Roaming round in a Lexus
Sittin’ on six billion oil drums
Down with the Dow Jones, up on the Nasdaq
Pushed into the war zones

It’s a commercial crusade
‘Cause all the oil men get paid
And only so many soldiers come home
It’s a commando crusade
A military charade
And only so many soldiers come home

Soldiers, soldiers come home
Soldiers come home

Through all the blood and sweat
Nobody can forget
It ain’t the size of the dog in the fight
It’s the size of the fight in the dog on the day or the night
There’s no time to reflect
On the threat, the situation, the bark nor the bite
These are commercial crusades
‘Cos all the oil men get paid
These are commando crusades
Commando tactical rape
And from the streets of New York and Baghdad to Tehran and Tel Aviv
Bring forth the prophets of the Lord
From dirty bastards fillin’ pockets
With the profits of greed

These are commercial crusades
Commando tactical raids
Playin’ military charades to get paid

And who got the devils?
And who got the Lords?
Build yourself a mountain – Drink up in the fountain
Soldiers come home
Soldiers come home
Soldiers come home
Soldiers come home

What mean ya that you beat my people
What mean ya that you beat my people
And grind the faces of the poor
I reckon they'll never see it in America because it has naughty words it it!
  14:11:00 0 comments links to this post
  How is Captain Codpiece's week going?
Pretty bloody awful by the looks of it.
  14:06:00 0 comments links to this post
  (Little) Britain ahead of the game
Via Crooks and Liars we find this clip from the Beeb's hilarious, but often cringe making, Little Britain, in which the show anticipates the difficulties of closeted gay Senator Larry Craig (R - ID) and suggests how he should have handled the issue.

  14:03:00 0 comments links to this post
  On the job non-training
We all know who is at fault when an employee fails to understand what they are expected to do in their job don't we? I, for one, spread the blame between the freedom hating main stream liberal media and the freedom hating Democrat Party in equal measure.
  13:59:00 0 comments links to this post
  Not for the arachnaphobic
At Lake Tawakoni State Park in the great state of Texas spiders have weaved a nearly 200 metre long web that has engulfed a hiking trail. At least it has reduced the local mosquito population significantly. Rumours that the spiders were last seen heading for Crawford cannot be confirmed but are wished to be true by tens of millions of Americans.
  13:55:00 0 comments links to this post
  Do you want the bad news first?
Not that it matters because there isn't any good news. According to scientists at the Met Office excess levels of atmospheric CO2 inhibit the ability of plants to absorb water. As current climate models suggest global warming will bring more severe weather I suspect that this is not good news for those living in areas prone to floods.
  13:52:00 0 comments links to this post
  We shall beat our milestones into millstones
The Iraqi government is set to miss 15 of 18 targets set for it by the US government although two of those fifteen have been "partially met".

In my book that's an F grade unless we are grading on a curve which means it's an A!
  13:49:00 0 comments links to this post
  How to tell if you have bad luck
OK it's bad enough that you are a Palestinian whose country gets given away to another group of people by a colonial power with bigger and better guns. You are driven from your home and you end up in a country that gets invaded by a neo-colonial power with bigger and better guns and you are made homeless again.

Finally the Sudan, not the most stable country in the world, offers to take you in. What next?
  12:33:00 0 comments links to this post
  Eeny, meeny, miny, mo....
...catch a General by the toe, if he disagrees with you pretend he doesn't exist.
  12:31:00 0 comments links to this post
  Travelling whilst Muslim
One passenger* in San Diego doesn't like some of his fellow passengers, Iraqi Americans, speaking their native language; holds up flight overnight. When are airlines going to adopt the appropriate policy and, in circumstances such as these, ask the offending and complaining passenger to leave the aircraft and take another flight?


*I am certain that the passenger is a faithful reader of Ms. Maglalang who has not yet weighed in as regards this incident but I am sure that she will.
  12:22:00 0 comments links to this post
  Just the facts Senator
Keith Olberman makes his own attempt to faithfully reenact the circumstances surrounding the arrest of Senator Larry "I Am Not Gay, Have Never Been Gay but Might Become Gay in the Future" Craig (R - ID) in the Minneapolis airport.

  12:18:00 0 comments links to this post
  An idea for John McCain
The next time you go to a market in Iraq to show us how safe and prosperous the country has become thanks to the illegal American invasion and occupation make sure that none of your bodyguards are armed. That would make you just like the country's judges. Good enough for them ought to be good enough for you.
  12:15:00 0 comments links to this post
  Why does Shit Turd Blossom hate America?
There used to be a time when American politicians and those around them would never been seen to own an automobile if it wasn't Made in America. I reckon those days are over as hidden in this story about the amusing (if sophomoric) high jinks that those few remaining White House employees have got up to with Karl Rove's car whilst he was on holiday is the mention that Turdy's car is a Jaguar; not a God-fearing Cadillac or Chrysler.
  12:05:00 0 comments links to this post
  Feeling safer yet?
The American Bar Association did a survey of 50 defence attorneys who have worked on terrorism cases since 2001 and asked them whether they felt whether the US's new terror laws were having the intended results. The answer was no. I know that this is not a scientific survey and it doesn't include any prosecuting attorneys, soon-to-be-former-US Attorney General Alberto "Gone-zo" Gonzales forget to let any US Attorneys participate, but nonetheless I think it should be eye opening.
  11:54:00 0 comments links to this post
  But is it art?
If it matters I happen to find the new portrait of Our Great Leader, George Walker Bush, by British artist Jonathan Yeo, thought provoking and rather amusing. Not everyone is pleased with it though. Why not? Mr. Yeo has assembled the portrait from hundreds of cut outs from British soft porn mags. Why doesn't anyone have a sense of humour anymore?
  11:45:00 0 comments links to this post
  Heck of a job Bushie!
The Decider(TM) decided to decide to jet into New Orleans yesterday to celebrate the second anniversary of the city's destruction but Hurricane Katrina and to suggest that the residents look to the "Almighty" for help because they sure as Hell aren't going to get it from the government as long as he is in charge.
  11:39:00 0 comments links to this post
  Of omertà and Abu Ghraib
The only military officer to be tried in relation to the terrible crimes and human rights abuses at Abu Ghraib prison in Iraq has been let off with a slap of the wrist; a reprimand. Even that minor punishment was not for dereliction of duty, failing to train or supervise his underlings but rather for not keeping quiet about the abuse. Sad. Very sad indeed.

It is possible that at one time America was a nation of laws but it is no more.
  11:33:00 0 comments links to this post
  Food for thought
Today, 30 August, is the International Day of the Disappeared on which we hopefully remember all of those who are victims of forced disappearances. I think that today, for the very first time I have realised that my government, the government of the United States of America, is responsible for some of these disappearances and it makes me want to weep.

Have we finally lost the war or is there still hope?
  11:29:00 0 comments links to this post
  "Pot meet Kettle. You will notice that Kettle is black."
Northern Ireland's First Minister, the (mail order) Dr. Ian Paisley is referring to other people as bigots. Is this irony?
  11:24:00 0 comments links to this post
  Bush's courageous effort to make Vietanm safe for democracy, booze and a mysterious white powder
As imagined by Guardian cartoonist Steve Bell may be found here (starting with 27 August).
  11:21:00 6 comments links to this post
  Maliki won't resign, can't be forced out, never even been to Minneapolis Airport
McClatchy has an extensive interview with Iraq Prime Minister Nouri al-Maliki in which the embattled official strikes back at critics and claims that it is his efforts toward national reconciliation not the American military surge that is creating the (ever so) slightly improved conditions in the country. He did say that he would welcome being dismissed from his position but only if it was as a result of actions in the Parliament, not due to a military coup or American pressure. Maybe he gets the idea of democracy. It is a shame that the Americans don't.
  11:12:00 0 comments links to this post
  Holy water row Batman!
Passengers on Air Vatican's first flight from Lourdes* have already fun into trouble as they find that even they are bound by anti-terror regulations and that they would be unable to take their "holy" water in their carry on luggage.

This is an outrage! These people are faithful Catholics not Muslims. Everyone knows that Catholics would never commit acts of terror. Can you hang on a moment? I've just had a call come through from Belfast.

"Yes. I see. Good point."

Could you forget that last thing I wrote? It seems that I might have been wrong there.

*Does Air Vatican need to use planes or is it sufficient for the travelers to believe that they are flying to France?
  11:02:00 0 comments links to this post
  If x = £9,821 is 1,148x > too much?
I would say yes but them I am not a true believer in the omniscient and omnipotent invisible hand of the market.
  10:59:00 0 comments links to this post
  Cats killing whales!
I am a dog person. Whilst I can tolerate cats they are really not my preferred pet. So I am not surprised by the news that idiot cat owners, who for some unknown reason flush their pet's dirty cat litter down the toilet, may be guilty of killing whales and other sea mammals. Researchers in Wales (pun not intended) are increasingly finding toxoplasma gondii, a cat parasite, in the bodies of dead whales washed up on the British coastline. Come on. How hard is it to dump it in a plastic bag?
  10:54:00 0 comments links to this post
29 August 2007
  Packed with good stuff...
...packed with bad stuff too!

The Advertising Standards Authority has banned a Dairylea ad campaign; basically because its claims are a load of shite.
  17:33:00 0 comments links to this post
  Real money?
50 billion USD here. 50 billion USD there. Pretty soon you're talking real money. The defence budget is 460 billion USD and there is another pending supplemental funding bill for the Iraq/Afghanistan wars of 145 billion USD. Just exactly what is this money for?
  16:09:00 0 comments links to this post
  What do you mean the Burning Man's on fire?
Put him out! Put him out damnit!
  15:49:00 0 comments links to this post
  Statue of terrorist placed in Parliament Square
US attack imminent.

Well. Nelson Mandela used to a terrorist didn't he? It's a good thing that the Decider(TM) wasn't President back then or he would have personally hunted Mr. Mandela down and killed him with his bare hands. Or not as the case may be.
  15:44:00 0 comments links to this post
  "Haven't I told you 'NO' already?"
The British government's bestest buddy the United States has told the Ministry of Defence that witnesses will NEVER be provided for inquests into friendly fire deaths in Iraq or Afghanistan.

Friends like these, eh?
  15:41:00 0 comments links to this post
  Fifty eight years ago today
The Soviets tested their first nuclear weapon. It took them longer because they weren't able to kidnap the best German scientists like we did.
  15:37:00 0 comments links to this post
  Thinking outside the box - government style
Think of how much money the Federal government would save on armed forces related disability pensions just by deciding that the claimants are dead. The payments (not) going to Georgia's Lisa Kohlhagen are only 115 USD per month but it all adds up!
  ¶ <